/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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moosetoucher: Jul 11, 2017; heck. heckin heck.

burial posted:

These people are thirty and nearly thirty. Would�ve been a great time to spoil them thar ages. Frig.

I mean I got this one by just searching "overwatch" on the sub, so there are plenty of other good posts to do this with

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:02

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 12:00

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Husband having a hard time adjusting to whirlwind marriage and new baby. How can I help?

quote:

My (34f) husband (35m) is the kindest man I've ever met and he's a wonderful father to our 5 month old son. But he never feels like he has enough time for himself. He works a job while I stay home with the baby. He has this mental list of things he wants/needs to do and every time I ask anything of him or suggest a family activity he gets frustrated that I'm "making plans for him" and contributing to him not being able to get anything done. When I ask what he needs, he treats the question like an intrusion. Less than two years ago he was a single guy who had never been in a LTR and never lived with anyone. Now he's got a family (which he said he definitely wanted when we first got together.) It's a big adjustment.

I've been married before so I'm used to sharing my life with someone. I've read every self-help book on the shelf about relationships and I speak up for myself when I don't feel I'm being treated fairly. I try to stay out of his way and give him time and space. I am very sensitive to his feelings but it's gotten to the point that I don't feel comfortable with making day to day plans or asking for my legitimate needs. Lately, when we do spend time together doing family stuff, he spoils it by saying, "another day gone by where I didn't get anything done."

He says I don't read his non-verbal cues that he wants to be left alone. But I see his non-verbal cues as non-responsiveness, even stonewalling, and I need to be treated with more respect. To me, I'm not doing anything outside of the realm of normal, friendly give-and-take of living with a partner. When he distances himself, I try to lower my intensity. But I can't disappear, nor can I go on walking on eggshells and feeling like I'm nowhere on his to-do list. I used to feel welcome, but now I feel like be barely tolerates me. I want to solve this before my son gets old enough to feel like I do right now.

I can't stress enough that he is a good man and I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. We are just still learning how to be together. I think a lot of our issues are just learning how to communicate better. I've made an appointment with a counselor. When I asked him to go with me he was surprised and uneasy and, yes, felt pressured by the request. It's not just about him not having enough time; it's also about loss of privacy and free will to do whatever he wants. All I want is to be his ally, to support him, to join forces so that we're twice as strong and get twice as much done. I don't understand why he rejects and resists me. How can I empower him and still have my needs met too? How can I help him see our marriage in a more positive way?

TLDR: My husband is feeling pressured and intruded upon by normal day-to-day marriage and family stuff. How can I back off and give him personal space and still stand up for my own needs for intimacy.

quote:

We got married just before 6 months of dating and got pregnant on purpose right away. Hard to explain, but just made sense to us. In my mind, we were and are living out a great love story. But I guess all marriages have their things that test what you're made of. Reality does kick in at some point. I'm still hopeful.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:04

Ocean Book: Sep 27, 2010; - hi

Pick posted:

I really do not think 99% of this poo poo us as genetic as we assume and that society has some real problems we are stubbornly failing to address that are damaging people

when a behavioral disorder is 'genetic', what it actually means is genetic susceptibility. its absolutely a social problem when someone experiences a dysfunctional environment so often that it creates the pattern of dysfunctional behavior. for some people that level of experience necessary to reach that point is lower or higher, but in the end it comes down to poo poo situations creating poo poo behaviors.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:06

Veni Vidi Ameche!: Nov 2, 2017; by Fluffdaddy

Haifisch posted:

Husband having a hard time adjusting to whirlwind marriage and new baby. How can I help?

I wonder if he knew they were getting pregnant on purpose.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:08

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I wonder if he knew they were getting pregnant on purpose.

Maybe that�s why he�s so touchy about her �making plans for him.�

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:16

DELETE CASCADE: Oct 25, 2017; i haven't washed my penis since i jerked it to a phtotograph of george w. bush in 2003

moosetoucher posted:

Hey guys, actual person with BPD here again, just hoping that as a thread we can move past acting like dumb babies trying to derive humour from serious mental illness and instead unite against the real enemy: overwatch players

i love where sa decided to draw the line this time, like making fun of mental conditions such as autism or learning disabilities isn't cool, schizophrenia is so sad and boy i hope they get treatment, but someone with bpd? lol gently caress them sideways, sever immediately, completely irredeemable un-humans

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:22

Odd: Dec 30, 2006; I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

DELETE CASCADE posted:

i love where sa decided to draw the line this time, like making fun of mental conditions such as autism or learning disabilities isn't cool, schizophrenia is so sad and boy i hope they get treatment, but someone with bpd? lol gently caress them sideways, sever immediately, completely irredeemable un-humans

What do you think about the r/relationships posts about people who have SOs with BPD

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:24

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

DELETE CASCADE posted:

i love where sa decided to draw the line this time, like making fun of mental conditions such as autism [...] isn't cool

wait, since when?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:24

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I wonder if he knew they were getting pregnant on purpose.

OP insists they both wanted the baby, but given the timescale, my question would be "did he plan for the baby that soon?"

OP posted:

You may be right. Thank you for the input. Our son was planned. It happened the week we got married. So fast, but we both wanted him very much.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:25

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Haifisch posted:

OP insists they both wanted the baby, but given the timescale, my question would be "did he plan for the baby that soon?"

Looooolllll

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:27

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

"Honey, remember when you said I was full of surprises?"

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:37

lol but: Feb 24, 2007; body is a dinosaur; Slippery Tilde

Khazar-khum posted:

"Honey, remember when you said I was full of surprises?"

*pops open trenchcoat, water breaks*

# ? Sep 20, 2018 01:38

Taima: Dec 31, 2006; tfw you're peeing next to someone in the lineup and they don't know

Veni Vidi Ameche! posted:

I wonder if he knew they were getting pregnant on purpose.

I think I get what's happening here actually...

Crazy Nutcase Woman posted:

I'm in the middle of a Hail Mary positivity blitz with the idea that what you focus on more will grow and manifest, so I'm trying to steer clear of casting a negative impression of him. But, it is nice to read the obvious stated outright.

She's already acknowledging that she is lying about aspects of the situation, because if you lie about something negative, it will somehow be positive soon.

The implication being that she is lying her rear end off about the baby being planned, so as to "manifest positivity" on the situation. They probably just hosed without a rubber a bunch on their honeymoon when she got pregnant, which is idiotic but doesn't necessarily mean he wanted a kid.

Also if it isn't obvious this lady is loving crazy but that's almost besides the point.

quote:

Our son was planned. It happened the week we got married. So fast, but we both wanted him very much.

The way she talks about it is just so weird, like she is absolutely sure of his motivations. It's almost like, I don't know, like she's making up his emotions based on what she wants to be true, like... she said she was actively doing...

Taima fucked around with this message at 02:16 on Sep 20, 2018

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:13

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

DELETE CASCADE posted:

i love where sa decided to draw the line this time, like making fun of mental conditions such as autism or learning disabilities isn't cool, schizophrenia is so sad and boy i hope they get treatment, but someone with bpd? lol gently caress them sideways, sever immediately, completely irredeemable un-humans

Schizophrenia and autism have consistently produced the forum's best posters; meanwhile what have you done for me lately

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:15

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Pick posted:

Don�t become emotionally invested in your stuffed animals. It doesn�t go well.

Don't think this went unnoticed.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:22

My Imaginary GF: Jul 17, 2005; by R. Guyovich

burial posted:

I [20F] need help coping with almost two year relationship with [17M]. Badly!
u/sun_jin

GodDAMN.

Why are drama kids always so drat dramatic?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:41

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

MarcusSA posted:

Honestly it’s all a bit too much. I just don’t buy it.

Authority figures at huge universities still get caught trying to defend and cover up for provably guilty rapists, so it's sure as hell likely that a high school in rural Wisconsin would try to cover for something similar

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:51

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Motronic posted:

Don't think this went unnoticed.

I've seen that photo before and been pathologically envious of his bongo.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 02:52

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I don't see any drums :confused:

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:04

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

How can I [33F] get my boyfriend [Mid 40s, M] of 3 years to take better care of himself?

quote:

And I don't mean physically.

He absolutely refuses to pamper himself in any meaningful way. He's worked hard his entire life and he's very well off. A mid six figure income with savings and investments totaling well into 7 figures at this point in his life. He's made a lot of what I would like to call prudent and pragmatic life choices but he takes this practice to an extreme.

He lives in a tiny one-room apartment. He drives a car that's practically falling apart. He dresses badly. He uses store brand dish soap to clean everything because it's cheap. He even uses it as shampoo and body wash. He's on some bizarre meal replacement thing and he barely touches real food unless he's out with me. He doesn't drink because alcohol is "empty calories." He doesn't own or watch TV. He doesn't play video games and he doesn't read, so I really worry about what he does for entertainment when he's alone.

I thought it was cute at first, but some of the things he does affects me as well. For example, he refuses to buy toilet paper because he can just jump in the shower with his dish soap to clean himself up. I often have to go out and buy my own TP. Not that I have a problem spending my own money to meet my needs, but drat. How is that at all convenient for him?

I've tried talking to him about it and he just tells me he's trying to lead a frugal lifestyle. I've tried gifting him treats, foods I know he likes, shampoo and stuff like that but he just never consumes any of it. Ever.

He treats me like any guy would treat a girlfriend. He spends (sometimes quite lavishly) on me. But just can't get him to spend any of his money on himself.

TL;DR My boyfriend treats me like a queen, but refuses to spend any money on himself.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:27

Draxion: Jun 9, 2013

Your boyfriend is a warrior monk

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:37

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Haifisch posted:

How can I [33F] get my boyfriend [Mid 40s, M] of 3 years to take better care of himself?

I was on his side until we hit �scrubs his rear end with dish soap post-dump�.

I�m still mostly on his side.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:39

have you seen my baby: Nov 22, 2009

Haifisch posted:

How can I [33F] get my boyfriend [Mid 40s, M] of 3 years to take better care of himself?

Oh look she's dating a BFC poster

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:40

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Yeah that was a beautiful detail to tuck in there to see who actually reads it vs. who kneejerks "well he's just being thrifty you dumb golddigging bitch"

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:40

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

LadyPictureShow posted:

I was on his side until we hit �scrubs his rear end with dish soap post-dump�.

I�m still mostly on his side.

God, what if he gets sick?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:40

sticksy: May 26, 2004; Nap Ghost

Does she not know his actual age?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:41

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

sticksy posted:

Does she not know his actual age?

too cheap to have birthdays

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:43

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

She buys him a birthday cake and he just glares at it before chugging some store-brand Ensure.

have you seen my baby posted:

Oh look she's dating a BFC poster

Confirmed, with a dash of D&D poster thrown in:

OP posted:

He mostly lets me prattle on about anything I want. Which I thought was kind of weird at first, but he asks questions so he seems engaged. I talk about all of the above. TV shows, books, etc.

When he does talk we have some very interesting philosophical discussions about politics. Or he talks a lot about finances and economics, which I know nothing about, but I'm trying to learn so that I can contribute to the conversation. I owe him at least that for letting me go on endlessly.

He also makes me laugh harder than anyone I've ever met before.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 03:50

coolskull: Nov 11, 2007

burial posted:

I [20F] need help coping with almost two year relationship with [17M]. Badly!
u/sun_jin

GodDAMN.

i�ve got no leg to stand on here, never contributing any content, but please, if a post starts with �This is going to be long and tedious.� bold something juicy to show it�s worth reading. relationships fail too fast to read about them all.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 04:02

spookykid: Apr 28, 2006; I am an awkward fellow
after all

She is dating Warren Buffet's Get-Out clone, and she should be prepared to lose him to his programming around 48, because he doesn't want a teenage clone with all those hormones, he wants them at their peak clinical-thought.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 04:11

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

Haifisch posted:

How can I [33F] get my boyfriend [Mid 40s, M] of 3 years to take better care of himself?

He eats soylent instead of real food, so I wonder how much of his 7 figure net worth is in crypto

# ? Sep 20, 2018 04:18

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:

i�ve got no leg to stand on here, never contributing any content, but please, if a post starts with �This is going to be long and tedious.� bold something juicy to show it�s worth reading. relationships fail too fast to read about them all.

I sincerely apologize and shall endeavor to better curate my contributions going forward.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 04:19

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

LadyPictureShow posted:

I was on his side until we hit �scrubs his rear end with dish soap post-dump�.

I�m still mostly on his side.

I�m mostly on her side with this one.

Like she gives him stuff and he doesn�t eat it or use it?? There is being frugal and then there is whatever this dude is doing.

It doesn�t seem healthy mentally or physically (rear end washing with dish soap and won�t buy toilet paper).

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:15

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

MarcusSA posted:

I�m mostly on her side with this one.

Like she gives him stuff and he doesn�t eat it or use it?? There is being frugal and then there is whatever this dude is doing.

It doesn�t seem healthy mentally or physically (rear end washing with dish soap and won�t buy toilet paper).

I bet he also left the painting she got him on the floor.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:20

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Okay, a follow up question, she said he only eats �meal replacements�. I assumed that meant he got like, pre-packaged meals delivered.

Oh God, he�s surviving off nothing but muscle milks and Special K bars, isn�t he?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:25

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Might as well take a shower every time you poo poo if that's what you're putting in.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:26

Mocking Bird: Aug 17, 2011

LadyPictureShow posted:

Okay, a follow up question, she said he only eats �meal replacements�. I assumed that meant he got like, pre-packaged meals delivered.

Oh God, he�s surviving off nothing but muscle milks and Special K bars, isn�t he?

The word you're looking for is "Soylent"

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:33

spite house: Apr 28, 2009

Dear Prudence posted:

My adult niece and nephew took my teenage daughter out of state to get an abortion. They told me it was a vacation, so I allowed it, but I wouldn�t have had I known its true purpose. My sister is pro-life, and might well disown her children if she knew about this. Telling her would be a good way to punish them, but I do love my daughter and don�t want her to feel responsible for whatever happens. Should I tell my sister or not?

I wonder if this is the same kid whose cousins squired her to DC, from that one r/legaladvice post a couple months back. The timing works out, as does the number of cousins and out-to-lunch parents.

Prudie's reply is good:

Prudence posted:

No. As you consider what to do next, reality-test your ideas by saying, �Would this action demonstrate my love for my daughter, or a desire to punish my niece and nephew? Which feeling do I want to influence my actions? How can I support and care for my daughter right now?�

# ? Sep 20, 2018 05:51

burial: Sep 13, 2002; actually, that won't be necessary.

spite house posted:

I wonder if this is the same kid whose cousins squired her to DC, from that one r/legaladvice post a couple months back. The timing works out, as does the number of cousins and out-to-lunch parents.

Prudie's reply is good:

Somehow I don�t remember that one. That said, jeez (and I�m saying that a lot lately) I don�t understand a parent that�s like �How can I make this worse?� The asker doesn�t even say she herself is pro-life so why�s she want to rock the boat when her niece and nephew essentially did her a favour?

# ? Sep 20, 2018 06:00

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 12:00

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

burial posted:

Somehow I don�t remember that one. That said, jeez (and I�m saying that a lot lately) I don�t understand a parent that�s like �How can I make this worse?� The asker doesn�t even say she herself is pro-life so why�s she want to rock the boat when her niece and nephew essentially did her a favour?

Probably this one:

How do I help my underage cousin get an abortion in Mississippi? Update: it's done. Thanks /r/legaladvice

quote:

/r/legaladvice/comments/8ze596/how_do_i_help_my_underage_cousin_get_an_abortion/

I'd like to thank you for your excellent advice which allowed us to help our cousin.

A few days after my post we asked her parents to allow her to come with me and my brother to DC as a cousin bonding trip. They were open to it and even ended up paying for her ticket and driving all of us to the airport.

We took mandatory pictures at all the usual places to make it seem genuine and then went onto the abortion clinic which we had previously booked an appointment. Everything went smoothly and the abortion was performed. The next day our cousin wasn't feeling well but we had a day for her to rest before coming back so it was fine. We paid for the abortion ourselves although her parents giving us money to spend for this trip helped cover most of the cost anyway as we didn't really do anything else so we didn't need much money.

Thanks again. Now that it's over and the abortion is behind her and she's recovered I've had a chat with her about birth control and we're making sure this doesn't happen again (unless she herself wants to get pregnant, of course!). She has also dumped her boyfriend who completely ghosted her ever since hearing she's pregnant.

# ? Sep 20, 2018 06:25

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