Smirking_Serpent posted:

buying my (27f) first home, seeking advice navigating finances and cohabitation with boyfriend (36m) - too many secrets - his weird dynamics with a close friend - financial slave/master situation.

I have been living with my boyfriend in a rental for two years. This spring I began house shopping, looking to lower our monthly payment and build equity instead of just throwing money away on rent. He agrees that this is a good idea for me, financially, and is willing to pay rent to me.

I have a full time job with a salary. I have loan pre-approval from my bank and I found a house I am ready to move forward on, meeting with the owner to sign a contract this week. I could definitely afford my payments without his contribution.

This is where things get complicated. Boyfriend doesn't have a job, and hasn't almost the whole time we have been together. He isn't a mooch by any stretch of imagination, clearly he is much better off than I am, financially speaking. He doesn't want to share any numbers or details about his finances, but I know from repeated grilling about it that he has at least 100k and he's playing the bitcoin game. It makes me nervous not to know any real tangible details about his finances, while mine are completely transparent.

This is where my true issue lies: I have recently discovered that most of his money is not actually in his name. He made the initial bitcoin investment years ago with a close friend, and now all of the money they have made together is technically in his friend's name. This friend gives me seriously bad vibes. When boyfriend and I first started dating, he mentioned that one of his close friends had once requested to be boyfriend's "slave." Its the bitcoin dude, of loving course. Boyfriend said that he declined the master/slave relationship, but the whole thing stinks of some kind of weird emotional/financial manipulation powerplay type situation and I want absolutely nothing to do with it. It skeeves me out to think of bitcoin dude getting some kind of sexual gratification about giving money to my boyfriend.

Weird bitcoin slave guy, probably in his late 40s, recently sold his home in another state to move to my town to be nearer to boyfriend. Its making me feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Mail with bitcoin guy's name on it keeps coming to my current home, and I recently discovered that my boyfriend's american express card is technically in bitcoin guy's name.

I love my boyfriend, but this is a dealbreaker and every time I voice my concerns about this situation he shuts down, or acts like I'm being a golddigger or something. Am I wrong to want financial transparency?

Do I just move into my own home without him and break up? I don't want to lose my relationship, but I also don't want to invite financially manipulative bitcoin weirdo into my life. It feels like any financial agreements I make with my boyfriend are not really with him at all, but with this other guy I have no reason at all to trust.

Tl;dr I don't feel like I can trust my boyfriend because he isn't being transparent about where his money is coming from. Break up before I get my mortgage and move into my own home? Other solution I can't see because I'm too close to the situation? Is it evil of me to want my adult partner to have his money in his own name?

Salty Josh posted:

I'm going to take a wild guess and say the boyfriend is a trafficker/drug dealer.

Simply Simon posted:

I usually like taking OPs itt at face value because there's more than enough selfowns and obvious assholery going around without interpreting sinister motives into everything, but that guy is claiming that "the bitcoin game" makes him financially secure without ever divulging HOW secure exactly? He's 101% in way over his stupid head and doesn't actually have any money that's not tied up in gaga money that's constantly losing value. Considering this, he probably said "nono love don't worry about the latest bitcoin, some OTHER guy is playing with them and giving me his profit for free, so I'm super safe!!! Really!!!!!". And she bought it because she bought all his other crap before.

LabyaMynora posted:

Nah, it probably is like she says it is - a sugar daddy situation. The question is, what is the other dude getting out of it? Does he just enjoy the fact that he's handing over money to the boyfriend? Even if the bf denies it's financial domination, it kind of is, the other dude just gave the bf enough leeway to pretend it isn't.

Or, is the bf giving the other dude his used underwear? Blowing him? making GBS threads on his face?

The world will never know.

My Linux Rig posted:

Pffft wow spoken like a good fudster you know bitcoin is up to $6000 now, if you would have bought in when it was cheap, you would have made a pretty good return

oh but never mind that let’s just get into a big circlejerk and laugh about how worthless bitcoin is as everyone else starts getting into it

this guy has the right idea, he’s probably loaded but he has to hide that from his wife cause oh no it’s bitcoin!!!

CharlestheHammer posted:

Lol little defensive of your worthless digital money.

My Linux Rig posted:

Pffft wow spoken like a good fudster you know bitcoin is up to $6000 now, if you would have bought in when it was cheap, you would have made a pretty good return

oh but never mind that let’s just get into a big circlejerk and laugh about how worthless bitcoin is as everyone else starts getting into it

this guy has the right idea, he’s probably loaded but he has to hide that from his wife cause oh no it’s bitcoin!!!

My Linux Rig posted:

Yeah worthless, I guess 6435.10$ per bitcoin is worthless. I guess a total value of 1.2$ trillion is worthless. I guess being recognized by several Fortune 500 companies as the future of distributed databases is worthless

face it, you and the rest of the people here made the wrong prediction. bitcoin is here and it’s the future

CharlestheHammer posted:

Not everything is trolling Jesus goons

CharlestheHammer posted:

How many people have successfully cashed out.

Also who believes it’s the future?

No one has made that claim since like 2014 when it was last relevant.

My Linux Rig posted:

Hundreds of people have, and that logic has never made sense to me. Wouldn’t you think that people would have stopped buying bitcoins by now if nobody was able to cash out

And tons of people think it’s the future, enough that it’s convinced Microsoft to sell blockchain services on its azure platform and for ibm to write up white papers about it. But never mind that, bitcoin is dumb cause goons said so

My Linux Rig posted:

Hundreds of people have, and that logic has never made sense to me. Wouldn’t you think that people would have stopped buying bitcoins by now if nobody was able to cash out

And tons of people think it’s the future, enough that it’s convinced Microsoft to sell blockchain services on its azure platform and for ibm to write up white papers about it. But never mind that, bitcoin is dumb cause goons said so

CharlestheHammer posted:

People are buying Tesla stocks despite is being a train wreck.

My Linux Rig posted:

I would say taking a relatively unknown car company and making it a national name means Tesla has been pretty successful so far but I guess I must be wrong cause goons know so much about business

LabyaMynora posted:

Nah, it probably is like she says it is - a sugar daddy situation. The question is, what is the other dude getting out of it? Does he just enjoy the fact that he's handing over money to the boyfriend? Even if the bf denies it's financial domination, it kind of is, the other dude just gave the bf enough leeway to pretend it isn't.

Or, is the bf giving the other dude his used underwear? Blowing him? making GBS threads on his face?

The world will never know.

quote:

I know this sounds petty and juvenile, but it’s really starting to bother me. Everyone in our friendship group, around 15 people, is around the same age, and we all met at university.

The main people I am referring to when I talk about this are my two housemates, A and B. Both of their boyfriends came from our established friendship group. A started dating her boyfriend at the start of the year, while B started dating her boyfriend in June. I love them all individually and as couples, however the issue is that they completely shut down any attempts I make to include my own boyfriend in our group. There are a couple of other couples within the group, while the remaining 5 or so are single, or have partners outside of the group and are in long-distance couples. Basically, I'm the only one who has a boyfriend I can see regularly who did not come from our group.

I met my boyfriend at a talk a year and a half ago. We started dating about a month later, so when my housemates did not have boyfriends. At this point I had no intention of fully combining my relationship with my friendships. My friends made it clear that they liked my boyfriend when he was introduced to them, so it’s not like there was a hatred from the start from anyone.

When A started dating her boyfriend the dynamic started to change. I noticed that there was no issue with them transitioning from friends to boyfriend and girlfriend and the group. They acted coupley around everyone, and no one had an issue with it. I made sure (with the acceptance of everyone else) to invite my boyfriend to our next casual gathering so he could finally bond with everyone, and it was totally different. A couple of people rolled their eyes when I rested my hand on his knee, and someone openly asked why my boyfriend was there at all. The thing that got to me was no one said anything about A and her boyfriend doing the exact same ‘couple’ things we were. I put it down to A and her boyfriend being the cute new couple, and left it.

With B and her boyfriend starting to date, it’s become clear that the majority of people only seem to have an issue with myself and my boyfriend being a couple. There have been double and triple dates that we have never been invited to, and events that I have gone to alone to avoid any issue over my boyfriend only for the couples to branch off into groups to talk about their fun double/triple/quadruple couples time. The reason I am posting is because for months the whole group has been planning to go on a trip as a big blowout holiday just before the start of the new academic year. Someone was offering their holiday home, and everyone was excited. Yesterday the person providing the house put into our group chat that a couple of the bedrooms that people were going to share would be out of bounds as there was some kind of issue (it does seem legitimate, I just don’t want to bore people by going on about insulation and damp), meaning that the numbers would need to be cut. They said that if anyone could volunteer not to go then that would be preferred, but if not then priority would be going to the ‘couples’ of the group. That would be 4 couples, including A and B and their partners, as well as the host’s partner. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t make the cut.

I’m upset. I feel like I’ve lost my friends just because they’re all coupled up, but it hurts more that they totally rejected my boyfriend when we tried multiple times to engage. I have asked before if there is a problem I’m not seeing with my boyfriend and no one has admitted anything to me, but I don’t believe that this is solely to do with my specific boyfriend, since external partners in our group are also excluded. I totally get people not bonding with others for a whole host of reasons, but I’m losing my housemates and some great friends if I choose to leave this group. I don’t feel like I have any other choice at this moment.

TL;DR - Friends all coupled up with each other but still viewed my relationship as overkill. Latest issue is being benched for a holiday in favour of ‘the couples’ has got me bummed out, should I just cut them out?

My Linux Rig posted:

Hundreds of people have, and that logic has never made sense to me. Wouldn’t you think that people would have stopped buying bitcoins by now if nobody was able to cash out

And tons of people think it’s the future, enough that it’s convinced Microsoft to sell blockchain services on its azure platform and for ibm to write up white papers about it. But never mind that, bitcoin is dumb cause goons said so

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I’m (21F) hurt that my boyfriend (22M) is excluded from my friendship group even though the group is formed from couples



Yes.

Pick posted:

Women's feelings don't matter

quote:

Dear Prudence,

My fraternal twin and I (both men) are in our late 30s. We were always extremely close and shared a bedroom growing up. When we were 12 we gradually started experimenting sexually with each other. After a couple of years, we realized we had fallen in love. Of course we felt guilty and ashamed, and we didn’t dare tell anyone what we were doing. We hoped it was “just a phase” that we’d grow out of, but we wound up sleeping together until we left for college. We knew this could ruin our lives, so we made a pact to end it. We attended schools far apart and limited our contact to family holidays. But we never fell out of love with each other, so after graduation we moved in together and have been living very discreetly as a monogamous couple ever since. I’m not writing to you to pass moral judgment on our relationship—we’re at peace and very happy. Our dilemma is how to deal with our increasingly nosy family and friends. They know we’re gay, and we live in a state where same-sex marriage is legal, so we’re getting pressure to settle down. I feel we should continue being discreet for the rest of our lives and blow off their questions. It’s nobody’s business, and I fear they would find our relationship shocking and disgusting. My brother, though, is exhausted with this charade. He thinks that if we get the family together with a therapist to talk through the issues, they’ll eventually accept it. I think he’s out of his mind, but I also want to make him happy. Is this one of those times when honesty is not the best policy? If so, how do we get everyone to stop worrying we will die alone? I’m also concerned about the legal implications of this—would the therapist be required to report us to the authorities? Could we go to prison?

—Tired of This Greek Tragicomedy

Absurd Alhazred posted:

I’m (21F) hurt that my boyfriend (22M) is excluded from my friendship group even though the group is formed from couples

Haifisch posted:

My Linux Rig posted:

Yeah worthless, I guess 6435.10$ per bitcoin is worthless.

LabyaMynora posted:

It's kind of worthless to the all the people who bought it for twice that or greater during that bubble a of couple years ago...

My Linux Rig posted:

A couple years ago, bitcoin was worth around $200

Now it’s worth $6k

How exactly is that a worthless investment?

My Linux Rig posted:

A couple years ago, bitcoin was worth around $200

Now it’s worth $6k

How exactly is that a worthless investment?

CharlestheHammer posted:

Bitcoins don’t really have a purpose other than being traded by people who want them to be a thing.

LabyaMynora posted:

Don't forget the drug trade, child pornography, and human trafficking.

My Linux Rig posted:

Hundreds of people have, and that logic has never made sense to me. Wouldn’t you think that people would have stopped buying bitcoins by now if nobody was able to cash out

jobson groeth posted:

Please don't put drugs in with the other two. Drugs are cool and fun.

quote:

I’ve never posted on here before and I’m on my phone. I apologize if I’m not doing it right.

We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 3 years. My oldest isn’t biologically his but he’s taken care of her since she was 2.

He has always made our entire relationship about him. What he wants, what he needs, what he is going through. I have spoken out about a few things that I’d need but I always got told it wasn’t as bad as what is happening with him and it was ignored. I’ll tell him I need a break from our son for a minute. He’ll go off and instead of helping he will tell me how I should be thankful to have all this time with him. He doesn’t get to and would trade me for that time in a second. That because I need a break, I don’t love my son. I just asked him to watch our son for five minutes to take a drat shower. I don’t bother asking him for help with our son anymore because I don’t want to listen to what a horrible person I am.

When he is off, all he does is drink, get high and sleep. He’s always gone out when he’s been off but it’s different now. He’ll stay after the bar closed when before he would go to the bar for a little while and come home and hang out with me. He also wasn’t doing any drugs but smoking weed. So he admitted a few months ago that he’s been doing coke. That he was addicted and was trying to quit. I told him that I have no experience with drugs, I have tried to smoke weed, wasn’t interested. I don’t understand what addiction is like. I would help him as much as I could but he’d need to see a professional for help. He got extremely angry with me about this. Telling me I should be more supportive and understanding.

Now anytime he does something I’m not allowed to say anything about it because he’s going through some awful poo poo. Yes, I believe that but it doesn’t excuse everything you do.

When he admitted to the coke, I also happened to find out he had been speaking to my sister inappropriately. He left his phone in my car after being drunk the night before. I found it while I was at work. I took it inside to charge it because it was dead. It came on with a message from my sister on fb. I couldn’t read the entire conversation because he’d deleted everything. In what was there, he was telling her how beautiful she was and that no matter what happens their relationship will never change. She agreed and said she couldn’t wait to see him. I don’t know what they were talking about, because they’re both had different stories. He admitted to telling her he was sexually interest in her but would never act on it. Only that weekend they were planning to see each, he said he thought we had plans... um no. I also found that he was on escort websites and even after I confronted him about it, he continued for a week afterwards on the sites until I confronted him again.

I haven’t talked to my sister since and he blamed it all on the coke. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Right after I had our son, he invited his friend to live with us. His friend had a girl over all the time and she was nice and all. One night he randomly invited her over while I was sleeping. I woke up and they were both outside in the dark. We have camera in the house and outside. I went to check them and they were unplugged. Even though I wanted to, I didn’t blow up. I asked her to leave and my husband admitted he was planning on sleeping with her. In the house while the kids and I were sleeping. He said it was the drugs.. He was out of his mind and didn’t know what he was doing.

There are multiple times things like this has happened. As I’m writing this, I’m thinking wtf is wrong with me...

To continue, I asked him not to contact my sister again. Last weekend he was off of work, came home from the bar at 3:30. I was awake in bed and he was using the bathroom. His phone went off and it’s my sister.... she’s messaging him on ig at 3:30 in the morning. He makes some lame excuse. He said he messaged her because she was posting about a wedding and asked her if she got married. I didn’t throw a fit or ask to see because my son was sleeping next to me. I didn’t want to wake him up. I wish I did though. I should have made him show me because now I want to know. I’m sure all evidence has been deleted now. I haven’t said anything else about it. He’s brought it up a few times.. asking how she was messaging him if he didn’t follow her... I guess he forgot that he told me, he messaged her. He says now she’s blocked from ig..

I really don’t care and I think that’s the problem. I don’t care what he does anymore and I guess I haven’t for a long time.

I don’t want to fight. I don’t want my daughter to hate me because she will and no matter what, when we fight she always sides with him. I’ve tried to be really caring this week. I was hoping that he would lighten up and be nicer to me. That hasn’t done anything.

When I started writing this, I was writing for a completely different advice. I really have no idea what I am doing.... I don’t have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t want to go through another divorce nor can I afford a lawyer on my own. I’ve looked at apartments and I don’t even think I could take care of us on what I make. Other than financially, he hasn’t offered any help so that’s all I’m worried about.

What do I do?

TLDR my(33) husband(38) had inappropriate conversation with my sister(27) and is still contacting her. He’s blaming it on the drugs. How do I leave with two kids?

Absurd Alhazred posted:

my(33) husband(38) had inappropriate conversation with my sister(27) and is still contacting her. He’s blaming it on the drugs. How do I leave with two kids?