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GreyjoyBastard posted:actually the secret service is in charge of handling the disposal of Donald Trump's anal output, and while they almost certainly hate him a lot, they have been quite confidential about their work Everyone should know this is a real thing and when the president travels they remove all the president poop so spies can’t steal it cat tax: 
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Nov 29, 2018 05:08
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There is no such thing as right-wing political satire, because political satire is all about making jabs at and mocking the status quo, which is a conservative bastion by definition.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:11
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Owlofcreamcheese posted:Everyone should know this is a real thing and when the president travels they remove all the president poop so spies can’t steal it. Too bad their policy doesn't extend to verbal diarrhea.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:11
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you know all this talk reminds me that someday Trump will die, probably on the toilet his last tweet slightly more disorganized than the ones he's doing now.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:12
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Look at how happy Melania looks 
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Nov 29, 2018 05:13
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Owlofcreamcheese posted:Everyone should know this is a real thing and when the president travels they remove all the president poop so spies can’t steal it I'm just going to leave this here: http://mentalfloss.com/article/25170/10-unexpected-duties-performed-secret-service quote:7. Urinal
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Nov 29, 2018 05:14
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enraged_camel posted:There is no such thing as right-wing political satire, because political satire is all about making jabs at and mocking the status quo, which is a conservative bastion by definition. I don't think I would agree with this. It's just that the things the right satirizes either don't really exist as such or aren't problems in the way they claim they are. For example, I would characterize Demolition Man as right-wing satire, but what it satirizes (namely "political correctness" and the "feminization of culture") either doesn't exist or isn't a real problem.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:15
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What "devastating" documents is Trump threatening to declassify? Surely he would have gone public with anything he actually knows by now.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:16
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He's having a flashback to the traumatizing Christmases he had with his dad.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:16
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nimby posted:Too bad their policy doesn't extend to verbal diarrhea. Or realize he is just a walking bag of poo poo. Maybe at least clean out the fluid build up in his skull.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:17
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Petr posted:What "devastating" documents is Trump threatening to declassify? Surely he would have gone public with anything he actually knows by now. Area 51
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Nov 29, 2018 05:17
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Lightning Knight posted:I would argue, in more philosophical terms, that the problem is that American political discourse positions "liberal" and "conservative" as opposing forces that are mutually exclusive when in reality that is a really narrow understanding of politics that casts the center right as "the left."
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Nov 29, 2018 05:17
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MSDOS KAPITAL posted:Also Bill Maher is extremely not funny and so not exactly the example you want to draw upon if you're trying to show liberal or leftist humor punching down and making it work. Yeah Bill Maher is loving poo poo and I don't know why he's allowed to still be on TV, he has zero redeeming qualities.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:18
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The Glumslinger posted:Area 51 It turns out Leftists are aliens and we're scared that space communism is coming for us all.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:20
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Mercury Ballistic posted:Honestly, it's like 30 degrees and blowing 20-30 here in the DC area, he is probably just cold. If global warming is real why is the president so cold that he shat his pants? Makes you think.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:21
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Crabtree posted:It turns out Leftists are aliens and we're scared that space communism is coming for us all. Aliens already have fully automated luxury space communism and they've been hiding it since Truman
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Nov 29, 2018 05:22
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Trump is going to declare war on the universe and nuke the moon.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:24
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He's gonna declassify the CIA programs that were part of Obama's War on Christmas
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Nov 29, 2018 05:25
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Part of me is genuinely curious if the fact that Trump hasn't blabbed about aliens means they don't exist or if the CIA just didn't tell him about the aliens. 
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Nov 29, 2018 05:26
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Lightning Knight posted:Yeah Bill Maher is loving poo poo and I don't know why he's allowed to still be on TV, he has zero redeeming qualities. I once tweeted "I don't know a single person who likes Bill Maher" and like a million old white liberals flooded my mentions about how great he is.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:30
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Heck Yes! Loam! posted:I was trying to find out if this was true or not and I came across a gem. https://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-krassner/excrement-in-the-news_b_24536.html Even Bush’s crap is classified top secret. According to our Austrian sources, Austrian newspapers are currently abuzz with special security details of George W. Bush’s recent trip to Vienna. Although the heavy-handed Gestapo-like security measures meted out to Viennese home owners, business proprietors, and pedestrians by US Secret Service agents and local police before and during Bush’s visit received widespread Austrian media attention, it was White House ‘toilet security’ (TOILSEC), which has Austrians talking the most. The White House flew in a special portable toilet to Vienna for Bush’s personal use during his visit. The Bush White House is so concerned about Bush’s security, the veil of secrecy extends over the president’s bodily excretions. The special port-a-john captured Bush’s feces and urine and flew the waste material back to the United States in the event some enterprising foreign intelligence agency conducted a sewage pipe operation designed to trap and examine Bush’s waste material. One can only wonder why the White House is taking such extraordinary security measures for the presidential poop. “In the past, similar operations were conducted against foreign leaders to determine their medical condition. However, these intelligence operations were directed against dictators in countries where even the medical conditions of the top political leaders were considered ‘state secrets.’ The Israeli Mossad conducted one such operation against Syrian President Hafez Assad when he visited Amman, Jordan in Feb. 1999 for the funeral of King Hussein. The Mossad and its Jordanian counterpart installed a special toilet in Assad’s hotel room that led not to a pipe but to a specimen canister. Assad suffered from diabetes and cancer and the operation was designed to discover the actual medical condition of the ailing leader. During Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev’s visit to Washington in 1987, the CIA reportedly placed a special trap under a sewage tank to collect the Soviet leader’s bodily waste for analysis. More recently, the CIA was reported to have collected waste samples from Ugandan President-dictator Yoweri Museveni’s toilet when he visited Washington. “Even Bush’s toilet paper was flown in from the U.S. Air Base at Ramstein, Germany. In addition, Bush’s food was flown in from the United States and tested with special chemicals before he ate it. Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu, who was shot by a firing squad in 1989, was the last major European leader to constantly use a food tester. The last frequent state visitor to Vienna, who always relied on a food tester, was Adolf Hitler.”
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Nov 29, 2018 05:34
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Lightning Knight posted:Technically speaking, libertarians are liberals, because liberal is a really broad, imprecise term if used properly. That's not how terms work Get your prescriptivism outta here
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Nov 29, 2018 05:34
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Lightning Knight posted:Part of me is genuinely curious if the fact that Trump hasn't blabbed about aliens means they don't exist or if the CIA just didn't tell him about the aliens. I've thought about this more than once in the past two years. Though I really can't blame them if they didn't.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:35
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 He returnethhttps://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1068000629409398784
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Nov 29, 2018 05:40
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theflyingorc posted:That's not how terms work lol morcant posted:I've thought about this more than once in the past two years. Though I really can't blame them if they didn't. I'd be a little miffed! I want to know the answer to the Fermi Paradox! The answer is global warming of course but what can you do?
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Nov 29, 2018 05:40
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Deified Data posted:I'm struggling to find the supposed joke in half of these but this one is especially head-scratching. What am I missing here? Nothing, religion is inherently humorless.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:41
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Never mind.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:41
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Trump is the most incurious man alive. He doesn't know about aliens because it never even occurred to him to ask. Actually, it's because we've never been contacted.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:42
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Doesn't' have the same energy tonight https://twitter.com/RealPressSecBot/status/1068001907581448192
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Nov 29, 2018 05:43
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morcant posted:I've thought about this more than once in the past two years. Though I really can't blame them if they didn't. uhhhhhh space force was a reaction to him learning about aliens, obviously.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:43
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The fact that UFO sightings didn’t massively increase once everyone started carrying cameras around with them at all times pretty much confirms that alien UFOs never existed.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:43
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The Glumslinger posted:Doesn't' have the same energy tonight https://twitter.com/BradMossEsq/status/1067999515997818880
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Nov 29, 2018 05:43
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Lightning Knight posted:Part of me is genuinely curious if the fact that Trump hasn't blabbed about aliens means they don't exist or if the CIA just didn't tell him about the aliens. I think he was briefed about the greatest knowledge humans have ever discovered: alien life exists and has been visiting us for centuries and there has been a delicate balance of covert war, sharing of information, and diplomacy for decades. But the report didn't have his name in the first sentence so he started thinking about what Hannity was doing and zoned out and forgot the briefing ever happened.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:43
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Lightning Knight posted:I'd be a little miffed! I want to know the answer to the Fermi Paradox! Yup, I imagine most sentient species have stupided themselves to death across the universe... HPanda posted:Trump is the most incurious man alive. He doesn't know about aliens because it never even occurred to him to ask. ...and any that are out there are likely sophisticated enough to just sit back and wait to see if we can get our poo poo together and be grown ups or not.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:44
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morcant posted:I've thought about this more than once in the past two years. Though I really can't blame them if they didn't. 1) Aliens definitely exist 2) They’ve probably never been to Earth 3) If they have been here, we probably don’t know about it 4) If we do know about it, there is no way anybody is going to tell Trump. Is it a known issue that the post preview in Awful App strips out all your apostrophes? Edit: Apparently it strips them out of the actual post, and not just the preview.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:53
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Aliens killed real trump and three tiny aliens are wearing him like a trench coat to get into earth movies but accidentally got elected president
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Nov 29, 2018 05:55
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The aliens that visited us died out when they elected their own Trump. The death drive often visits sapient species in the guise of a regressive shitfuck elemental that often takes the form of Trump across the universe.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:57
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Trump is going to ruin earth then try to escape to space but never understand how low gravity works and just be complaining and rotating in three dimensions constantly really fast
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Nov 29, 2018 06:01
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Don't laugh because you have a real basic lack of understanding of language lol
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Nov 29, 2018 06:02
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Owlofcreamcheese posted:Everyone should know this is a real thing and when the president travels they remove all the president poop so spies can’t steal it Brownfinger Thunderbutt You Only Wipe Twice
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Nov 29, 2018 06:03
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