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I mean if he is reluctant to or gripes about putting in more effort around the house now because it cuts into his drinking and video game time that's probably a clue to not have a baby with him at this time.
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Nov 26, 2018 23:33
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sheri posted:I mean if he is reluctant to or gripes about putting in more effort around the house now because it cuts into his drinking and video game time that's probably a clue to not have a baby with him at this time. Yeah, I was kind of thinking this... Expecting all of these major changes during pregnancy/postpartum seems like an excellent recipe for resentment all around. At least for me, I very much wanted my husband’s help and not a bunch of other people. It’s a physically and emotionally taxing event.
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Nov 26, 2018 23:55
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If he’s holding out hope that somehow things won’t change THAT much, he’ll still have time to binge RDR2 and roll around with you for a quickie, he needs to let that go fast. “Hoping for the best” quickly becomes “pressure on you to absorb the discomfort and distress of imbalanced responsibility and sexual activity you’re too exhausted and sore to enjoy.”
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Nov 27, 2018 00:55
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Typically I want to get 8 hours of sleep. I’ll lay in bed around 11, hopefully fall asleep by 11:30 and wake up around 7-7:30. While I’m in the bedroom my wife will be in the living room and she’ll fall asleep watching TV every single day. She used to have a TV in her bedroom before we got married and that’s how she used to fall asleep. Having a TV in our bedroom is not an option. It’s very annoying because she’ll come back to the bed room because either she has to use the bathroom; or I’ll catch her if I have to use the bathroom. Then I’ll have to ask her to come to bed. She’ll probably brush her teeth before bed too. I’m not entirely convinced that this isn’t detrimental to the baby’s health. She’s just finished her fist trimester. She states that she’s getting her 8 hours, even though they’re split up. 3 hours on the couch then 5 hours in bed. I’m usually knocked out so I have no “real” idea when she comes to bed. Although I’ve “caught” her multiple times on the couch sleeping at 1am, then she comes to bed around 1:15am. Am I overreacting here? Is there sometime I can show her stating that this affects the child’s health?
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Nov 27, 2018 08:34
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obi_ant posted:Typically I want to get 8 hours of sleep. I’ll lay in bed around 11, hopefully fall asleep by 11:30 and wake up around 7-7:30. If broken sleep was detrimental to an unborn baby’s health, then basically every baby ever born would have issues. By the time she gets to third trimester she’ll be waking up multiple times a night having to pee/because baby is kicking/ because she’s uncomfortable/for no reason/etc. You’re overreacting.
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Nov 27, 2018 08:46
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KasioDiscoRock posted:If broken sleep was detrimental to an unborn baby’s health, then basically every baby ever born would have issues. By the time she gets to third trimester she’ll be waking up multiple times a night having to pee/because baby is kicking/ because she’s uncomfortable/for no reason/etc. You’re overreacting. Thanks for the reply. I guess because I don’t consider it a “good nights rest”, she’s sleeping on her arm up, TV on, lights on, speakers are always on. I understand that going forward that interruptions to her sleep are inevitable and they can’t be controlled. But to me, trying to build a healthy sleep schedule (while she still has the option to) seems more beneficial than not. I guess I’ll let her sleep the way she wants to sleep. It just seems counter-intuitive to me to break up your sleeping schedule like that.
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Nov 27, 2018 08:54
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Would you be opposed to a white noise machine in your bedroom? Being used to falling asleep with noise and then suddenly being expected to fall asleep to silence would be really hard, and her sleep would probably suffer more. Some new parents have good luck with white noise helping their babies sleep, too, if you’re planning on having the baby sleep in the bedroom with you. If you’d both be willing to compromise maybe that would be worth a shot? But like the other poster said, her sleep habit isn’t going to harm the baby. Most women have disturbed sleep throughout pregnancy, especially the first and third trimesters due to having to pee or being uncomfortable.
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Nov 27, 2018 09:46
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I think as a guy we should probably let a pregnant woman sleep how she wants, but pregnancy or no what (functioning) adult falls asleep on the couch watching tv EVERY night?
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Nov 27, 2018 12:13
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During my third trimester I'd wake up in the middle of the night and move to the couch to get more comfortable since I could easier prop myself in certain positions with pillows. But dude, your wife is an adult. I also don't get the "get her to build a healthy sleep schedule" is suppose to mean. You do realize babies don't let you have a healthy sleep schedule, right?
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Nov 27, 2018 12:19
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I agree that both sides are wrong, lol.
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Nov 27, 2018 12:29
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Yes you are overreacting. Your wife is an adult. She can sleep where and when she wants to. sheri fucked around with this message at 13:58 on Nov 27, 2018 |
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Nov 27, 2018 12:36
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Why don't you just move the TV into your bedroom so she can at least be comfortable?
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Nov 27, 2018 12:50
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lemonadesweetheart posted:Why don't you just move the TV into your bedroom so she can at least be comfortable? Because it's "not an option". But yeah I'd suggest laying off, you can bring up your concerns that it's detrimental to *her* health, and then leave it be. Doing even that may get your nose snapped off, and rightfully so, because she's loving pregnant, but it's not an unreasonable concern, sleep habits can get kinda bad and then even after the baby is sleeping she might have trouble. But it's not a problem for the baby, and if it's how she can get to sleep comfortably, it's definitely her choice.
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Nov 27, 2018 13:45
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eventually it will be a bad example to have the tv on all the time like that… but save that battle for next summer…
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Nov 27, 2018 13:57
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sheri posted:I mean if he is reluctant to or gripes about putting in more effort around the house now because it cuts into his drinking and video game time that's probably a clue to not have a baby with him at this time. Oh he doesn’t gripe. It’s just unusual for him to help out without me asking. I have a tendency to not ask for it, and when I do, I sometimes have to show him how to do the task because I incorrectly assumed he would know how to do it... like putting on a swiffer cloth. elise the great posted:If he’s holding out hope that somehow things won’t change THAT much, he’ll still have time to binge RDR2 and roll around with you for a quickie, he needs to let that go fast. “Hoping for the best” quickly becomes “pressure on you to absorb the discomfort and distress of imbalanced responsibility and sexual activity you’re too exhausted and sore to enjoy.” I think he knows things will change a lot. He sometimes mentions how he doesn’t have much time left to enjoy his current lifestyle. I guess my biggest fear is him not bonding with the baby because he’s one of those guys who hates babies. He will eat in the lounge area to avoid children and will switch train cars if there’s a crying baby in one. He thinks he’s going to be a lot more tolerable of his own baby though, but I worry a little bit that he won’t start to bond with the kid until they get a bit older and can interact with things more. I have my worries, but I also know that I’m a huge worrier and often worry for nothing.
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Nov 27, 2018 16:24
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Nessa posted:Oh he doesn’t gripe. It’s just unusual for him to help out without me asking. I have a tendency to not ask for it, and when I do, I sometimes have to show him how to do the task because I incorrectly assumed he would know how to do it... like putting on a swiffer cloth. Hahahahahahahahahah oh buddy. Congrats on having a second child.
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Nov 27, 2018 18:27
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Nessa posted:Oh he doesn’t gripe. It’s just unusual for him to help out without me asking. I have a tendency to not ask for it, and when I do, I sometimes have to show him how to do the task because I incorrectly assumed he would know how to do it... like putting on a swiffer cloth. These are all giant red flags that you should probably get some marital counseling before you have a kid. Like, today. You are either going to end up divorced, miserable, or with a kid that has major father issues.
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Nov 27, 2018 18:28
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Yeah I'm trying to think of a nice way to say this but...there are so so many red flags you are mentioning. And I think on some level you must know this. Right? I would pump the brakes on TTC.
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Nov 27, 2018 18:35
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Nessa, my dude. In a thread where a grown-rear end man is convinced that his pregnant wife will harm their unborn child by falling asleep in front of Maury, we are all worried about you. You aren’t actually a huge worrier about nothing. Your husband tells you that. You are expected in your partnership to absorb the “negativity,” the stress and effort and regret and humiliation that come with repeatedly having to ignore your own better judgment, of the outcomes when the people around you don’t listen to your “worries.” You are actually a drat good judge of situations and it’s only with years of emotional pressure and shaming that you’ve been trained to dismiss your concerns and then clean up the mess silently afterward. You are right. Your concerns are correct. You are staring down a barrel and you are allowed to opt out.
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Nov 27, 2018 18:55
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elise the great posted:Nessa, my dude. In a thread where a grown-rear end man is convinced that his pregnant wife will harm their unborn child by falling asleep in front of Maury, we are all worried about you. What makes you think I’m anywhere near grown? Anyways, I talked to my wife and voiced my concerns about getting enough rest while she can. She agrees that sleeping on the couch isn’t the best thing in the world, because sometimes she wakes up sore or achey. I told her if she likes sleeping on the couch and she’s comfortable then she should do it. As long as the baby’s health isn’t out in jeopardy I’m for it.
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Nov 27, 2018 20:33
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Alterian posted:These are all giant red flags that you should probably get some marital counseling before you have a kid. Like, today. You are either going to end up divorced, miserable, or with a kid that has major father issues. Yikes. I really didn’t think it seemed that bad. But I know after our last serious conversation that my husband is really trying. He gave me a birthday card for the first time ever and later, handmade me an anniversary card that he got all of our friends to sign and gave it to me in front of everyone. He seems to take my concerns to heart, so I think I just need to have another heartfelt conversation with him about my worries.
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Nov 27, 2018 20:44
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The proof is in the pudding, tbh. Giving you a birthday card and an anniversary card is generally considered entry level for continued dating, not for having a baby. See how he’s doing in a year.
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Nov 27, 2018 21:04
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Not for nothing, it sounds like you’ve both talked about trying to conceive, but does he actually want to have a child? Not ‘I think I’d be okay with it, sure’, but a positive affirmation of it? I’d be really worried about someone hoping parenthood will be tolerable, and about them leaving that introspection until after the fact. Granted, some people with hesitations have kids regardless, but it sounds like he may need to get on board beyond ‘ok I guess if it makes you happy’. Like some previous posters said, there are a ***lot*** of red flags in your posts. It does not sound like he’s excited or ready for it, and you are not being a ‘worrier’ to dig into that and want him to really, really think about it.
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Nov 27, 2018 21:14
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Nessa posted:Yikes. It really doesn't seem that bad. Not every relationship needs to be SA-approved to be composed of happy, healthy people, and people on the internet love to project fears and worst-case scenarios into E/N stuff. You're a better judge of this and your husband than people who have read a handful of paragraphs about the guy.
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Nov 27, 2018 21:33
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It seems worse to me than I've expressed here. It's like red flag bingo and we all have blackouts after reading it.
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Nov 27, 2018 21:50
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BadSamaritan posted:Not for nothing, it sounds like you’ve both talked about trying to conceive, but does he actually want to have a child? Not ‘I think I’d be okay with it, sure’, but a positive affirmation of it? I’d be really worried about someone hoping parenthood will be tolerable, and about them leaving that introspection until after the fact. Oh, he’s always known he wanted to be a dad. If I said I didn’t want kids, we’d have broken up 11 years ago. Kids are an absolute must for him. He just hates the baby stage. We waited a long time until we had a house and were in a financially stable position to start trying for a baby. When he talks about being a dad, he gets really excited about it. It’s just that I see him alter his paths to avoid being near the screaming children that gives me some mild hesitation. He also would like us to adopt a child in the future as well, but we’ll see how that goes.
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Nov 27, 2018 22:09
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It's pretty reasonable to want to skip all the mess between 6 months and 5 years old.
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Nov 27, 2018 22:52
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For what it's worth I always hated listening to babies cry and would avoid it. Once I got pregnant I started consciously trying to Be Okay when babies around me started squalling. It still sucks when my little shrimp melts down, but it's not unmanageable. Of course, he is only 2 months old, so once he gets proper toddler lungs I'll probably revisit this. ...this is also in large part because my husband does *A METRIC FUCKTON* of both the emotional and practical labor of childrearing. If you have any doubts about your partner being capable of picking up the slack off at least 90% of household chores, or at least not complaining about them not being done, you may want to reconsider having a baby at this time. And if his idea of picking up the emotional labor is buying you a card then that's... Really probably not good enough when you'll need him to engage in both practical and emotional support while also engaging in serious self-denial. Having a baby is Totally Worth It. I love it. But I also had to go on Zoloft halfway through the pregnancy because I was having suicidal thoughts, and we've had sex one and a half times since he was born and my once perky tits are now huge and tiger striped with stretch marks. It's an awesome, joyful, disgusting, frustrating, hilarious experience, and while you can't prepare for everything you *can* prepare for some practicalities, and you and he should start doing that now rather than later.
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Nov 28, 2018 03:35
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thunderdome winner
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What defines “baby” for your husband? Kids whine and cry for years, and if your husband hates “babies” because of the noise they make, you’re both in for a rough several years, especially if you have more than one. If he can’t help out without being told, and he can’t figure out basic stuff like how to mop without being shown first, will you trust him to take care of your kid? You have friends who can help, but you can’t rely on them, and as a brand new parent you might not want to have guests over all the time (no matter how close your friendship is, they are still a guest). Also, you don’t want to burn out your friend by relying on them, especially when you have a husband who could be helping. Whoever said you’ll have two kids to take care of was spot on. Maybe you both should take a step back for a while, and set a deadline for his old way of life or whatever. After becoming pregnant is not a great time to hurry up and get the most out of your video game and drinking days. He really needs to step up and prove that he can help out before there’s a baby in the picture. 10 months is not a long time to completely change your lifestyle. It’s true that some people go into parenting unprepared and things work out, but you two are making the conscious effort of TTC, so you should be doing whatever it takes to make sure you’re both ready.
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Nov 28, 2018 03:50
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Well, after talking to him, he says his whole “I hate babies” thing is more of a running gag than anything. He avoids strangers crying babies, but fully intends to put all his effort into our own. I believe him.  We’re gonna be working on some stuff to prepare for a new way of life.
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Nov 28, 2018 04:15
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Hey thread, thanks for the read. My lady is currently 38 weeks pregnant so naturally I decided to give this thread a read 2 weeks ago. Super informative thus far. Pregnancy hasn't been kind to her. Aside from mild physical maladies, it gave her fairly severe depressive episodes. We probably should have anticipated it since one of the reasons she went off birth control was how miserable it made her. Hormones combined with her coming to terms with being female led to sad times because she's basically a dude. I finally managed to get her to talk to a psychologist and she was able to work through some stuff. Other than the depressive episodes I've been keeping the mood light by teasing her about the hormones to keep her sane. Seems to have worked. Overall we seem to have avoided most of the societal bullshit though there have been some annoyances. One of her aunts told us we were probably going to get rid of our ferrets once little Pnurtis is born. I replied that would make us lovely people. Lots of congratulations that I feel are premature. Friends of ours who said to talk to them about any questions or concerns but then proceeded to not stop talking for 6 months. A couple unsolicited gifts but nothing really stupid. Yet. No strangers have touched her yet and it seems unlikely since she's on medical leave. The loosening ligaments caused a hell of a party one Saturday morning as a previously injured shoulder she had decided to spontaneously dislocate at 0400. I got awakened to screaming. Off to the nearest hospital we went. They took one look at her belly and told us to gently caress off to a different hospital. The second hospital was awesome and after checking on the baby they had to sedate her and put her under to pop the shoulder back in. lovely party overall, she was the only one to get drugs. Naming was pretty simple. We don't know sex yet so she picked the female name and I picked the male name. Both of our last names cause other people pronunciation and/or spelling problems. We aren't married and if we were there wouldn't be a name change anyway. So since I have a Nordic patronymic we figured it would be cool to do the same (Bhuraksson or Bhuraksdotter). We'd opt for her name (matronymic?) but scantrons. We shall see if it works out any better. On the pet front we have the baby room set up and are letting the weasels run around in it to get used to it. We've also been playing a baby crying on loop with the door closed so they get used to it. Does anyone in this thread have any experience with ferrets and babies? One other question regarding meconium. The aforementioned friends said to vaseline the living poo poo out of the baby to make it easier to clean up. With a female should I expect the meconium to go past the labia? What all should I lube? I've changed a fair bunch of diapers when I was a teen back in the 90's but it was just poo poo, not what killed Tasha Yar. Bhurak fucked around with this message at 07:49 on Nov 28, 2018 |
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Nov 28, 2018 06:31
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Lol
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Nov 28, 2018 06:52
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Two kids in and I still don’t like kids. I love my own but still want to punch them in the face when they cry uncontrollably, and most of my friends’ kids annoy me. I don’t think it’s a giant red flag to not be into babies/kids, you can still be a great parent.
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Nov 28, 2018 17:22
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There’s a difference between finding kids annoying versus leading your wife to believe that you absolutely hate kids so much that it causes her worry as she’s trying to have a kid of her own. Saying “just kidding!” when confronted with this worry is not a good sign, you can’t tell someone you hate something for years and years, and suddenly erase it like it was a joke. E: I mean, you can, but it’s a lovely thing to do.
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Nov 29, 2018 05:53
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Hey Pregnancy thread. Baby #2 was born Monday night/Tuesday Morning! And by born I mean basically shot out like from a cannon. Wife's water broke at 10:45 pm, and she had her first contraction about 2 minutes later. We had literally just gotten into bed and had no warning signs at all for the whole week previous. We figure we should start getting our bag packed and called the hospital for timing advice. Got a non answer, but in the span of that 20 minutes my wife has like 4 more contractions, which seemed kinda fast to us. Our first son was a planned induction due to small size, so he came in a very planned environment. So the contractions keep coming, and we are getting pretty worried. I call my mother who lives pretty close to come over to watch our son sleep. She gets there and is giving us plenty of good natured ribbing about how we need to chill, the process could take awhile. By now 40 minutes in, her contractions are every three minutes and getting quite strong. So we get in the car for the 15 minute drive to the hospital. It's after hours there so we have to go through emergency. Contractions still every three minutes, and they get us up to L&D about 10 minutes later. Put into L&D triage for the initial check, it has now been an hour and 10 minutes since her water broke. My wife is quite uncomfortable by now, and we finally get a Dr to check and she is 6 cm dilated. It was pretty funny watching the nurses trying to go through their pre-admission checklist to make sure my wife is in active labor, and having to pause every 3 minutes as we work through a contraction. They agree she is indeed in active labor with the clock now at 1 hour 25 minutes. We get very quickly wheeled over to our delivery room, and my wife very politely asks to call for the anesthesiologist for an epidural, and for the hospital doula we had scheduled. Epidural doc shows up with the clock now at 1 hour 50 minutes. Before he can do his thing we get another dilation check and oh, we are 9 cm. Epidural goes in and is official putting in work with the clock at 2 hours. Was super fun watching everyone tell my wife not to push yet as shes yelling that she really needs to push. Third dilation check right after epidural and oh hey 10 cms, lets get pushing! And then right at the stroke of 1am, boom baby time! 2 hours and 15 minutes total labor. They had told us about precipitous labor in the pre-birth training, but holy poo poo going through it was loving crazy. Anywho, just wanted to share, because we still can't believe it all happened that fast. Baby and Mommy are doing good, with the only real issue is that my wife was Group B strep positive and since labor was so fast she only had the IV in for like 15 minutes and didn't really get much of the antibiotics. So the pediatrician has made us nice and terrified about GBS with the kiddo saying we need really take any fever seriously for the next two months (like we wouldn't anyways) Ah the joys of newborn life all over again.
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Dec 2, 2018 01:33
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Koivunen posted:Would you be opposed to a white noise machine in your bedroom? Being used to falling asleep with noise and then suddenly being expected to fall asleep to silence would be really hard, and her sleep would probably suffer more. Some new parents have good luck with white noise helping their babies sleep, too, if you’re planning on having the baby sleep in the bedroom with you. If you’d both be willing to compromise maybe that would be worth a shot? As an aside, there's some mild research evidence that white noise machines slightly impair the development of the auditory cortex when used all the time on infants. I think it's okay to run one for an hour while falling asleep, but they need periods of silence too. It's not a huge impact iirc so if you find it impossible to live without one then it's probably fine
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Dec 2, 2018 18:09
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I am 16 weeks along and my husband convinced me (after listening to my bitching about hip pain for the hundredth time) that I am pregnant "enough" to get one of those giant, dumb pregnancy pillows that curl around your back and through your legs. GAME CHANGER! I am curled up in it now and may never leave.
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Dec 6, 2018 02:03
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Glad that it is working for you! My wife also really enjoys a big angled wedge pillow marketed toward stopping acid reflux, in case you want to get even more extravagant.
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Dec 6, 2018 02:50
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marchantia posted:GAME CHANGER! I am curled up in it now and may never leave. Yesssss join the ridiculous pillow club. I started using mine around the same time and it greatly improved my quality of life. Our cat really likes it too 
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Dec 6, 2018 03:08
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marchantia posted:I am 16 weeks along and my husband convinced me (after listening to my bitching about hip pain for the hundredth time) that I am pregnant "enough" to get one of those giant, dumb pregnancy pillows that curl around your back and through your legs. After the second kid, my wife is still using that as her normal pillow in bed. So, yeah. Never leave indeed.
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Dec 6, 2018 03:13
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