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13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Taco Bell is secretly very vegan/vegetarian friendly. You can substitute beans, potatoes, etc in any of their menu items from their weird rear end Doritos chalupas to every taco to any beef or chicken burrito/quesadilla on the menu. Most people don't know.

Their spicy potato taco is filling and extremely cheap, it's excellent right before payday lunch.

Adbot
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Barudak
May 7, 2007

White Castle also carries the beyond burger vegetarian patty if you wanna have greasy vegetarian shits

DragQueenofAngmar
Dec 29, 2009

You shall not pass!

Brother Entropy posted:

yall are ragging on this lady but like, where's the lie? people like that are loving exhausting to be around and they're almost always men

none of the stuff she posted that was said to her was even really a “joke,” just something cruel or a bait-and-switch kinda thing

but imo that’s because most people just absorb their sense of humor from media, and funny characters in media are mostly just being enormous assholes, but saying it in a clever way. which is funny, on tv, when you aren’t the butt of the joke, and also you don’t have to have a relationship with the funny rear end in a top hat character. in a story, the rear end in a top hat comment is funny because it attacks a flaw/mistake in a clever way. but if you do that in real life, that’s called intentionally hurting someone’s feelings

Araenna
Dec 27, 2012




Lipstick Apathy

Brother Entropy posted:

yall are ragging on this lady but like, where's the lie? people like that are loving exhausting to be around and they're almost always men

I'm autistic and I have trouble with humor like that unless I'm really close to someone. It's more about not knowing when I'm appropriately close to someone to make a joke myself, though. I do sometimes have trouble telling if someone is joking or actually insulting me though.

Which my ex used to do on purpose to gently caress with me. Just say mean things, then insist it was a joke. So it's possible, if her brothers have hosed with her like that her whole life, that she just gravitates towards/attracts douche bags and they really are "joking".

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
Pretending that the before/after picture of a house is backwards is like the gentlest level of sibling joking.

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

CheesyDog posted:

Pretending that the before/after picture of a house is backwards is like the gentlest level of sibling joking.

Doesn't make it funny, just basic rear end in a top hat.

Admiral Ray
May 17, 2014

Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

quote:

But this happens even with men who I really think are in the top 5% of men out there - my ex, my brothers. I do think they're good people, and I don't really know why they act like this, and why they can't stop.

:thunkher:

Tetramin
Apr 1, 2006

I'ma buck you up.

CheesyDog posted:

Pretending that the before/after picture of a house is backwards is like the gentlest level of sibling joking.

Lol yeah. She is probably right though that it is basically all men who act like that all the time. She’s a sour puss but she brings up a good question, why aren’t ladies breaking balls?

I never do that type of poo poo with my s/o though because there’s a drat time and place. The people she’s dating just have no clue or secretly hate her.

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
A guy being too direct with praise can be somewhat threatening and a weak joke is a way to communicate that you are engaged with someone in a good natured way, ironically making it the most attentive and caring men who are most likely to make the jokes

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I've met plenty of women who break balls and talk poo poo

I guess men do it MORE because they have a deep need to assert themselves in some way because of testosterone maybe :biotruths:

poo poo you see this behavior (hassling each other as fun/play) more commonly among male apes as well

Zzulu fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Dec 28, 2018

ravenkult
Feb 3, 2011


Wow metafilter gal's posts tell a story.

Sierra Nevadan
Nov 1, 2010


"People who smoke weed can't afford to go skiing. That's why I'm complaining about all the people on the mountain who smell like weed."

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


Zzulu posted:

I've met plenty of women who break balls and talk poo poo

I guess men do it MORE because they have a deep need to assert themselves in some way because of testosterone maybe :biotruths:

It's a power move, and since power codes as masculine in our society, I assume men are socialized to do it more.

tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe

Sierra Nevadan posted:

"People who smoke weed can't afford to go skiing. That's why I'm complaining about all the people on the mountain who smell like weed."

Obviously their parents haven't cut them off yet

wizardofloneliness
Dec 30, 2008

I kind of agree with the metafilter lady, although my feelings on it are not as strong as hers. That sort of sense of humor gets tiresome after a while, especially if it's the only way the other person knows how to be friendly, which seems to be true for a lot of guys. I know some women who do the same thing, but it definitely seems to be way more common in men. Especially the part where they get upset if someone else doesn't appreciate their jokes. I wouldn't write a multi-paragraph post about how much it annoys me, but it gets pretty lame. I've also always assumed this is some sort of weird masculinity thing that I don't really understand or care about.

mllaneza
Apr 28, 2007

Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952




Barudak posted:

White Castle also carries the beyond burger vegetarian patty if you wanna have greasy vegetarian shits

The Impossible Burger is starting to show up in restaurants. It really does taste exactly like ground beef. Unfortunately, the beef it tastes like is 100% lean, well done beef. For the committed vegetarian who misses meat sometimes it's a godsend though.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

(WV) Neighbor paints curb yellow across from driveway on public street to prevent us from parking there, then paints it white so his wife can permanently park there for weeks. They left for vacation before Christmas and painted it yellow again so we, or our guests, couldn’t use it.

We live at the end of a street that wraps around and essentially becomes a rectangle with another street. Our house sits on one side of this corner/“end” and our neighbor is directly across from us. He parks a huge RV/his truck in his driveway so his wife has to park her van around the corner on the other street instead of in his driveway.

When we moved in, there was an area outside of our front yard that the curb was clearly not painted and we used it maybe 4-5 times when we had friends visit. This curb is directly across from his driveway. He asked us one day to not park there anymore because it was hard for his wife to get out of the driveway (whose van never moves from the spot around the corner?) and we agreed to avoid it unless we had guests. He didn’t seem satisfied with our answer but left.

A day or so later we noticed that he had spray painted (literally) the curb yellow overnight so that we couldn’t park there anymore. We just shrugged it off because parking isn’t a huge deal and I’m not about to go to war with a neighbor over something so silly. However, a few days later he spray painted it white, then parked his wife’s van there and it didn’t move for weeks. They just left for vacation before Christmas and he spray painted it yellow AGAIN, parked the van in their driveway and took the truck wherever they went. This all seems super petty and dumb, but my husband parked there since they were gone last night and this morning we had a parking citation.

Our neighbor has a ring on his door and I feel that he saw the movement, saw the parked car, and called the cops. It is painfully obvious he is spray painting the curb (different color yellow, paint sprayed into our grass, cinder blocks just sitting there so he can use them again next paint job).

What can I do? Is this behavior even legal? How can I contest the citation?

tl;dr: neighbor is painting public curb to his benefit, we believe he called the cops on us for parking there while they were out of town. Can he continue painting the public curb as he sees fit and can I contest the citation we received based on his behavior?

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Mom has embarrassing tape from my blunderyears and insists on playing it. Should I destroy it?

There is this stupid VHS tape from my [33M] childhood that I find mortifying. I appeared on a local TV show when I was 14. The segment never actually aired (they were probably also mortified by my extreme awkwardness, acne and general teenage uncoolness) but they sent me a tape so I could witness it all.

When I first watched it at 14, I saw myself in a new light: I saw an awkward, ugly kid that was far worse than my self-image at the time. I hated it so much I stole the tape from my mom and cut it up, destroying the evidence forever.

Little did I know, she saved the tape and then fixed it. This is where it gets weirder. More than 15 years later, AT MY WEDDING, she focuses her entire speech on this tape. It was an admittedly funny story recounting how I went on TV and then destroyed the tape, with the climax being she restored the tape and still has it. Thankfully she didn’t play it at the wedding.

But ever since, she insists on bringing it out. At my grandmas 90th birthday party she walks into the room with the tape and insists we watch it with my entire family. I talk her down awkwardly and say no one wants to watch it.

That’s when she clued in it wasn’t so funny for me, and called me later saying she couldn’t sleep thinking her wedding story made me feel bad or ruined my day. So I had to insist I didn’t care and thought the whole thing was funny and wouldn’t mind watching the tape at Xmas, which she was already insisting on.

So now I’m stuck. I want to loving destroy this stupid tape for good. But then I think my mom would be crushed and dwell on the idea her speech made me uncomfortable (which it did). I’m leaning towards just watching the tape with family and sucking it up, but it’s 4am and I can’t sleep because it’s making my heart beat so fast.

Do I steal the tape, destroy it, tell my mom and ruin her memories of the wedding, or suck it up and let her show family? Doing that will scar me and I’ll probably fixate on it for a while, and fear she’ll bring it out at other big moments in the future. I’m so stuck.

PS she and I rewatched the tape when others were in bed and it’s far worse than I remembered, and she’s insisting my wife see it tomorrow.

TLDR my mom insists on showing an awkward tape of me at 14, but telling her I hate it will make her feel horrible because it was the subject of her wedding speech and I’ve so far told her it’s fine

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

I'm [F25] told my BF [M27] that I was supportive of him going to a certain school, now i'm not so sure.

My boyfriend, Matt, went to school between the ages of 18 and 22, and failed pretty hard over the course of 4 years. He got academically dismissed once, barely got reinstated, then eventually got dismissed again. After that, his parents were livid that he wasted that much money, kicked him out, and he's been working various manual labor jobs ever since.

He's reluctant to talk to me about why he got kicked out. I know he doesn't party much, or as long as I've known him he hasn't, and he's incredibly intelligent. He just tells me that he "couldn't do it".

We've been together for 3 years, and since I've known Matt he's worked various manual labor jobs. Warehouse work, construction, laborer. We live in an area that pays pretty well for that stuff, so its been ok, but he's also the smartest person I know, so I encouraged him to go back to school. At first he was wary, but he's been going to community college for two years, has aced his courses, and is set to finish his associates in math and computer science this June, and is going to transfer schools soon.

Here lies the problem. When he was applying to transfer schools, in addition to the local state schools, he also applied to a few reached. I told him that I supported his decision, and no matter where he went, I would go too, because my job is remote and I can work anywhere. Truthfully, I didn't think I'd be moving too far if he got into any of the state schools.

However, he also applied to some very, very prestigious schools. Schools that rarely accept transfer students, and when they do, the students are usually from other elite colleges, veterans, or from low income families. I went to a similar school, and I know how exceedingly rare it is to transfer in, and how insanely rare it would be for a community college student to transfer in.

Somehow, he did it. I'm incredibly proud of him, but I also have a pit in my stomach. We currently live in New Jersey and his new school is in California. I told him I would follow him anywhere, but now, I'm not so sure. It would be waaay more expensive to live there, and I truthfully have lived near the area before, and I hated it.

Reddit, what do I do? I was pretty emphatic that I would go with him to school, now I dont know.

TL;DR - My BF got into a school far away, and I told him I would follow him. Now i'm not so sure!

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Grandmother (80F) taking photos of my (21F) prescription medication while visiting her in a foreign country.

I'm (21F) visiting my aunt (50F) and grandmother (80F) in a neighbouring country for the holidays. I don't have parents and I'm a student, so when my grandmother offered to pay for my plane tickets here and back (I normally would never be able to afford a holiday) I took it because I thought it would be great to see them for once.

I have a lot of chronic health conditions, both mental and physical. It's nothing overly serious, more so that there are so many small conditions that I have to take a few prescription medications and supplements. My grandmother is very proud of the fact that she's always been in perfect health, and has never taken a prescription. She generally doesn't believe in illness, and if I try to discuss my health problems with her she either dismisses the topic or ignores me.

I'm taking a round of antibiotics for a skin condition I have, and I was having trouble remembering to take them with food so I left them on the kitchen counter. I told my family this, and they have seen me take them with food. I didn't imagine that there would be a problem regarding this.

Today my grandmother was showing me a photo on her phone, and I noticed a full-scan photo of my medication, with full patient information in sight. I asked her about this, and she ignored me. I pressed her about it and she said she needed to research it, to which I responded that I already told her that it was an antibiotic for my skin condition (which I've had for a decade) and didn't know why she'd doubt me. I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she had a copy of my private information on my phone. She told me she had "photos from around town" on her phone as well, and ultimately made no attempt to apologize or take my concern seriously. I raised my voice at her in frustration and went back to the guest room. She hasn't made an attempt to talk to me since.

This is a sensitive issue for me because when I was 17, she saw me take prescription sleeping pills (taken as prescribed) and locked me in the guest room, took away all my money and electronics and personal identification, and told everyone on the phone that I was a drug addict and "genetically inferior." When I 'escaped,' she called the police on me, who arrested me under my country's Mental Health Act (her charge was dismissed, obviously).

Now, I keep the rest of my prescriptions in the guest room where I'm staying. Most of them seem far more suspect, though of course I don't abuse any of them. I know she goes into my room, and I have no reason to believe she hasn't been rifling through my things. I'm worried that she'll repeat what she did four years ago, taking my ID and belongings and holding me hostage--this time in a foreign country I'm not very familiar with.

Sorry for the essay. But I would appreciate it immensely if anybody can tell me how to proceed. Am I overreacting? She still hasn't explained or apologized so I assume that she's expecting me to apologize.

TL;DR: Grandmother took a photo of my prescription medication and won't give an explanation (while staying with her in a foreign country), four years after she did something similar and called the police on me for taking my prescriptions as prescribed.

EDIT (further explanation): Thank you so much to everyone who pitched in with support and advice; it means a lot right now while I'm feeling so uneasy and alone. A few people have been wondering why I'm staying with her in the first place, after what happened four years ago. She never apologized for the incident, and I didn't talk to her for a year afterwards. I had an *extremely* abusive home life with one of my parents growing up, so my standards are probably slightly skewed. Also due to no longer having parents, she's one of very few relatives I have left so I decided to rebuild my relationship with her, especially because she's my only connection to my other couple family members.

She doesn't have dementia; she's just a generally controlling matriarch. She's also been partially helping me financially recently, which has been a huge help because I'm a single student and don't really have anything else to fall back on. My aunt is definitely more rational, but she's also very attached to my grandmother (her mother) and would never turn her back on her. As it stands, it's late evening while I'm updating this and I've spoken to my aunt, who sympathizes but has rationalized my gma's behaviour completely. My gma hasn't spoken to me since, and has shown no interest in discussing this or apologizing. To me, this shows her true colours. I'll be keeping my documents close by while I try to figure out a solution.

Odd
Dec 30, 2006

I think everybody just needs to maybe cool out a little maybe

Smirking_Serpent posted:

A shitload of posts



They should break up i guess

Doc Hawkins
Jun 15, 2010

Dashing? But I'm not even moving!


Smirking_Serpent posted:

That’s when she clued in it wasn’t so funny for me, and called me later saying she couldn’t sleep thinking her wedding story made me feel bad or ruined my day. So I had to insist I didn’t care and thought the whole thing was funny and wouldn’t mind watching the tape at Xmas, which she was already insisting on.

Was your tv act a magic show? Because you just made all my sympathy disappear.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

because my job is remote and I can work anywhere

Oh my god, two magicians in a row!

Hellblazer187
Oct 12, 2003

Breaking balls is fine, I do it and expect it from my friends. But when someone doesn't like your jokes, going "oh, you're to sensitive!" Is just jackassery. You say "I'm sorry" and then don't do that kind of joke to that person anymore. Seems pretty straightforward.

life is a joke
Mar 7, 2016

Smirking_Serpent posted:

I'm [F25] told my BF [M27] that I was supportive of him going to a certain school, now i'm not so sure.

I fully support you, unless the situation does not exactly line up with my prediction of how it would go.

Who knows, but I'd guess he got into Berkeley or Stanford. in that area with 2 years of CS he could get a sweet part time gig that could offset the COL increase. They don't care if you actually have the degree, and he's probably already learned all the fundamentals. This seems like a beautiful situation for him and the fact that she's doing a 180 on the dude after he got accepted is probably dampening what should be one of his life's happiest moments.

wizardofloneliness
Dec 30, 2008

My family is pissed that I [26F] wasn't nice when I called them out on racist behavior. Am I the rear end in a top hat?

I posted not too long ago on another sub talking about my family's racist behavior that got so bad over Christmas that I finally had to respond, and the update below. I wanted to post here too because I'd like as much input as possible.

Essentially, my family calls black people "Canadians" when they want to say racist crap but not overtly. (Ex: "That's a Canadian neighborhood" or "typical Canadian behavior.") I'm the family baby so I'm never taken seriously so I haven't brought it up yet, but finally hit my limit after they did it over and over again at Christmas.

I texted the below to my aunt and my mom today. (Copied/pasted because I can't link to a screenshot).

"I did want to bring up one thing though that has been on my mind. The talk about "Canadians" really needs to stop. I can't control what you do or say outside of family gatherings but it's extremely disrespectful, tasteless, and racist. [DH] and I bit our tongues out of respect but if it continues we will not be silent and if it continues further we will leave family functions early. It's honestly embarrassing having to hear that kind of talk from otherwise rational adults and we won't stand for it anymore. I hope you'll consider not using that kind of talk outside of family functions too because it's incredibly awful behavior."

Both went radio silent. I only got a text from my uncle saying "Wow." When I asked my mom an unrelated question, I brought up my text and she essentially said that I was unnecessarily harsh and I should have just said it bothered me and they wouldn't have done it around me again. I tried telling her it wasn't just offensive to me but in general, that I shouldn't have to sugar-coat it, and she told me to drop it and refused to talk about it any more.

Am I the one being the rear end in a top hat? Was I really that harsh? I'm so mad that I can't see straight but now they're making me feel incredibly guilty.

EDIT -- I want to mention that part of why I feel so guilty is my aunt and uncle just had the entire family over for Christmas, bought everyone lots of really sweet gifts, worked really hard for days and had a big wonderful dinner for everyone. Everyone bought lots of gifts and enjoyed seeing us because we don't visit often. I think my aunt is more sad than angry. I just feel like an rear end in a top hat for causing this big drama after they did all that for everyone.

tl;dr - I called my family out for being racist and I was pretty harsh about it, and now they're pissed. It's making me second-guess myself and feel guilty.

Admiral Ray
May 17, 2014

Proud Musk and Dogecoin fanboy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

However, he also applied to some very, very prestigious schools. Schools that rarely accept transfer students, and when they do, the students are usually from other elite colleges, veterans, or from low income families. I went to a similar school, and I know how exceedingly rare it is to transfer in, and how insanely rare it would be for a community college student to transfer in.

Somehow, he did it. I'm incredibly proud of him, but I also have a pit in my stomach. We currently live in New Jersey and his new school is in California. I told him I would follow him anywhere, but now, I'm not so sure. It would be waaay more expensive to live there, and I truthfully have lived near the area before, and I hated it.

Reddit, what do I do? I was pretty emphatic that I would go with him to school, now I dont know.

TL;DR - My BF got into a school far away, and I told him I would follow him. Now i'm not so sure!

The only super prestigious schools I can think of in California that rarely accept transfer students are Stanford and Cal Tech. He'll easily be able to get a well paying job if he rolls out of either of those with decent grades and schmoozes with the rich dorks that go there. On the other side, though, you'll have to live in the worst part of the SF Bay Area or Pasadena. In conclusion, :sever: and move on, he's a lost cause.

Edit: Haha, Stanford.

quote:

[–]anzasage

[score hidden] 5 hours ago
California is a big state. Can you be specific about where? Not trying to get too personal. Just trying to figure out the culture of the area.

[–]throwsthisshit

[S] [score hidden] 5 hours ago
Bay area probably

Admiral Ray fucked around with this message at 03:42 on Dec 28, 2018

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

Tetramin posted:

Lol yeah. She is probably right though that it is basically all men who act like that all the time. She’s a sour puss but she brings up a good question, why aren’t ladies breaking balls?

I never do that type of poo poo with my s/o though because there’s a drat time and place. The people she’s dating just have no clue or secretly hate her.

If you're so used to people pretending to be nice to you when they're being mean it can be hard to see when people are pretending to be mean cause they're nice.

A Moose
Oct 22, 2009



The saddest part of that metafilter lady's story is that when men in her life tell her to "SHUT THE gently caress UP" she thinks they're joking :(

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Smirking_Serpent posted:

(WV) Neighbor paints curb yellow across from driveway on public street to prevent us from parking there, then paints it white so his wife can permanently park there for weeks. They left for vacation before Christmas and painted it yellow again so we, or our guests, couldn’t use it.

We live at the end of a street that wraps around and essentially becomes a rectangle with another street. Our house sits on one side of this corner/“end” and our neighbor is directly across from us. He parks a huge RV/his truck in his driveway so his wife has to park her van around the corner on the other street instead of in his driveway.

When we moved in, there was an area outside of our front yard that the curb was clearly not painted and we used it maybe 4-5 times when we had friends visit. This curb is directly across from his driveway. He asked us one day to not park there anymore because it was hard for his wife to get out of the driveway (whose van never moves from the spot around the corner?) and we agreed to avoid it unless we had guests. He didn’t seem satisfied with our answer but left.

A day or so later we noticed that he had spray painted (literally) the curb yellow overnight so that we couldn’t park there anymore. We just shrugged it off because parking isn’t a huge deal and I’m not about to go to war with a neighbor over something so silly. However, a few days later he spray painted it white, then parked his wife’s van there and it didn’t move for weeks. They just left for vacation before Christmas and he spray painted it yellow AGAIN, parked the van in their driveway and took the truck wherever they went. This all seems super petty and dumb, but my husband parked there since they were gone last night and this morning we had a parking citation.

Our neighbor has a ring on his door and I feel that he saw the movement, saw the parked car, and called the cops. It is painfully obvious he is spray painting the curb (different color yellow, paint sprayed into our grass, cinder blocks just sitting there so he can use them again next paint job).

What can I do? Is this behavior even legal? How can I contest the citation?

tl;dr: neighbor is painting public curb to his benefit, we believe he called the cops on us for parking there while they were out of town. Can he continue painting the public curb as he sees fit and can I contest the citation we received based on his behavior?

Complain to the cops. They don't like others encroaching on their terrain. Or lawyer up. In any event, :murder:

Khazar-khum
Oct 22, 2008

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
2nd Battalion

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Grandmother (80F) taking photos of my (21F) prescription medication while visiting her in a foreign country.

I'm (21F) visiting my aunt (50F) and grandmother (80F) in a neighbouring country for the holidays. I don't have parents and I'm a student, so when my grandmother offered to pay for my plane tickets here and back (I normally would never be able to afford a holiday) I took it because I thought it would be great to see them for once.

I have a lot of chronic health conditions, both mental and physical. It's nothing overly serious, more so that there are so many small conditions that I have to take a few prescription medications and supplements. My grandmother is very proud of the fact that she's always been in perfect health, and has never taken a prescription. She generally doesn't believe in illness, and if I try to discuss my health problems with her she either dismisses the topic or ignores me.

I'm taking a round of antibiotics for a skin condition I have, and I was having trouble remembering to take them with food so I left them on the kitchen counter. I told my family this, and they have seen me take them with food. I didn't imagine that there would be a problem regarding this.

Today my grandmother was showing me a photo on her phone, and I noticed a full-scan photo of my medication, with full patient information in sight. I asked her about this, and she ignored me. I pressed her about it and she said she needed to research it, to which I responded that I already told her that it was an antibiotic for my skin condition (which I've had for a decade) and didn't know why she'd doubt me. I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she had a copy of my private information on my phone. She told me she had "photos from around town" on her phone as well, and ultimately made no attempt to apologize or take my concern seriously. I raised my voice at her in frustration and went back to the guest room. She hasn't made an attempt to talk to me since.

This is a sensitive issue for me because when I was 17, she saw me take prescription sleeping pills (taken as prescribed) and locked me in the guest room, took away all my money and electronics and personal identification, and told everyone on the phone that I was a drug addict and "genetically inferior." When I 'escaped,' she called the police on me, who arrested me under my country's Mental Health Act (her charge was dismissed, obviously).

Now, I keep the rest of my prescriptions in the guest room where I'm staying. Most of them seem far more suspect, though of course I don't abuse any of them. I know she goes into my room, and I have no reason to believe she hasn't been rifling through my things. I'm worried that she'll repeat what she did four years ago, taking my ID and belongings and holding me hostage--this time in a foreign country I'm not very familiar with.

Sorry for the essay. But I would appreciate it immensely if anybody can tell me how to proceed. Am I overreacting? She still hasn't explained or apologized so I assume that she's expecting me to apologize.

TL;DR: Grandmother took a photo of my prescription medication and won't give an explanation (while staying with her in a foreign country), four years after she did something similar and called the police on me for taking my prescriptions as prescribed.

EDIT (further explanation): Thank you so much to everyone who pitched in with support and advice; it means a lot right now while I'm feeling so uneasy and alone. A few people have been wondering why I'm staying with her in the first place, after what happened four years ago. She never apologized for the incident, and I didn't talk to her for a year afterwards. I had an *extremely* abusive home life with one of my parents growing up, so my standards are probably slightly skewed. Also due to no longer having parents, she's one of very few relatives I have left so I decided to rebuild my relationship with her, especially because she's my only connection to my other couple family members.

She doesn't have dementia; she's just a generally controlling matriarch. She's also been partially helping me financially recently, which has been a huge help because I'm a single student and don't really have anything else to fall back on. My aunt is definitely more rational, but she's also very attached to my grandmother (her mother) and would never turn her back on her. As it stands, it's late evening while I'm updating this and I've spoken to my aunt, who sympathizes but has rationalized my gma's behaviour completely. My gma hasn't spoken to me since, and has shown no interest in discussing this or apologizing. To me, this shows her true colours. I'll be keeping my documents close by while I try to figure out a solution.

Hide your stuff, ideally with a booby trap that slams smallpox into her face.

FAUXTON
Jun 2, 2005

spero che tu stia bene

Khazar-khum posted:

Hide your stuff, ideally with a booby trap that slams smallpox into her face.

Report her to the cops for taking pics of the pills with the intention to steal and sell them. Maybe she's in PH and it'll be a summary execution so you can cash in on that inheritance.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL
Feb 21, 2006

Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

Dr. S.O. Feelgood posted:

My family is pissed that I [26F] wasn't nice when I called them out on racist behavior. Am I the rear end in a top hat?

No, and the family deserves to be treated like the racist assholes they are. All the gifts and food and etc in the world aren’t “payment” to keep them from being called on their horseshit. gently caress ‘em.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

No, and the family deserves to be treated like the racist assholes they are. All the gifts and food and etc in the world aren’t “payment” to keep them from being called on their horseshit. gently caress ‘em.

Make sure to not call em racist till after they give you a santa's sack full o privilege tho. Don't need to burn those bridges till after you've used em.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

My (22F) Dad (51M) got banned from family functions for being a racist jerk during Christmas.

My 5 cousins (18-24 M&F) confronted me over a comment he made (about how he shouldn’t have to go through airport security because he’s white) and I tried my best to diffuse the situation but it didn’t work, they went to their mom about it and she told her sister, my stepmom, that my dad is no longer invited to any family functions. My dad blames them for his racist statement because apparently they “goaded him into it”. He’s being an immature rear end about it and has been blowing up my phone all day to interrogate me about what I know. I’ve lied to him so he thinks I’m on his side about the whole ordeal while also being truthful to my cousins that I’m on their side and I’ve never stood up to him as his racism has escalated through the years. He has a terrible temper and I honestly just try to be around him as little as possible. I have a good relationship with my cousins and aunt but I’m afraid they are going to turn him against me by revealing that I’m lying. I don’t want to just cut my dad out because he’s still my dad and I love my little brothers (11 and 8) and my stepmom. My dad has done and said some pretty lovely things to me throughout my life. He stalks my social media and derides me for everything I say and do that he doesn’t like. I’m so ashamed to be his daughter but I still love him and I just don’t know what to do.

Tl;dr my dad is a racist rear end and I’m caught in the middle of a family feud that I want nothing to do with.



I’m really glad that there have finally been consequences to his actions because I’ve never really been bold enough to stand up to him. He’s just having a massive victim complex about how he did nothing wrong and they set him up because they are “dipshit liberals” who are persecuting him for having conservative values.

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009

Girlfriend (22F) of nearly two years admitted her last relationship was with her dad’s cousin.

So it’s come up in conversation before but I have only recently become a bit uncomfortable about it after he (50+ M) invited the two of us out for lunch, clearly keen to remain friendly with her. The fact that he is (distantly) related to her kind of creeps me out and my gf has confided that she was in a bad place when they got together (rejected from her university of choice and living alone during her gap year). I can’t help feeling that her trust and emotional state might have been abused by a creepy father figure (she was 18/19 at the time and he has children the same age as her).

She says she’s the happiest she’s ever been with me and says she’s completely moved on to the point where she gets upset whenever I ask questions about her previous relationship. As far as I know I’m the only one who knows this secret but it still makes me sad to think someone ever took advantage of her. It would bother me less if he were out of her life completely but they still see each other at family gatherings (Christmas etc), both pretending like nothing happened. I don’t have anyone I can talk about this with (she gets very upset when I say I want to talk about it) and I feel like a terrible person that it’s bothering me as much as it is. Am I just being jealous and how can I stop letting it bother me?

TLDR: GFs last relationship was with her dads cousin and I feel like a terrible person that it’s bothering me.

tactlessbastard
Feb 4, 2001

Godspeed, post
Fun Shoe
Paint the curb red while they're parked there.

Salty Josh
Jul 13, 2016

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
Nap Ghost

Brother Entropy posted:

hmm yes on the one hand he spent 35k behind his spouse's back and wasn't going to mention it at all until someone else spilled the beans but on the other hand she got mad over it so who's to say which of them is really in the wrong

I'm not saying he's not a piece of poo poo or that he was wrong.

I'm saying that she isn't being righteous about the anger she is exhibiting. Also, why wouldn't he tell her?

Fact is, maybe she micromanages poo poo a bit too much. Or maybe he has low impulse control and is a sociopath. We can't get to the bottom of it to give good advice based upon his horseshit or her horseshit.

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012

ERM.... I'm actually NOT bothered by this avatar
You can't just make your own street signs. They should contest the ticket (get the records of what areas are supposed to be what) and get the city to repaint the curb white. The rear end in a top hat guy might even get fined for doing it.

Salty Josh
Jul 13, 2016

Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can't take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.
Nap Ghost

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Girlfriend (22F) of nearly two years admitted her last relationship was with her dad’s cousin.

So it’s come up in conversation before but I have only recently become a bit uncomfortable about it after he (50+ M) invited the two of us out for lunch, clearly keen to remain friendly with her. The fact that he is (distantly) related to her kind of creeps me out and my gf has confided that she was in a bad place when they got together (rejected from her university of choice and living alone during her gap year). I can’t help feeling that her trust and emotional state might have been abused by a creepy father figure (she was 18/19 at the time and he has children the same age as her).

She says she’s the happiest she’s ever been with me and says she’s completely moved on to the point where she gets upset whenever I ask questions about her previous relationship. As far as I know I’m the only one who knows this secret but it still makes me sad to think someone ever took advantage of her. It would bother me less if he were out of her life completely but they still see each other at family gatherings (Christmas etc), both pretending like nothing happened. I don’t have anyone I can talk about this with (she gets very upset when I say I want to talk about it) and I feel like a terrible person that it’s bothering me as much as it is. Am I just being jealous and how can I stop letting it bother me?

TLDR: GFs last relationship was with her dads cousin and I feel like a terrible person that it’s bothering me.

That would be her 2nd cousin right? So borderline genetic problems in offspring?

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Brother Entropy
Dec 27, 2009

Salty Josh posted:

That would be her 2nd cousin right? So borderline genetic problems in offspring?

first cousin, once removed

her second cousins would be his kids the same age as her

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