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Blade Runner posted:It's not a reasonable expectation that he have clairvoyance and see into the future to know that he should have dinner ready for her when she get home even if he's working and she hasn't asked him to do it It's not too tough to go upstairs and say hi and hug his girlfriend who made dinner and cleaned up the house for his stupid rear end before chowing down. It's a basic expectation that doesn't involve psychic abilities or extraordinary communication skills.
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Jan 6, 2019 00:45
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Dienes posted:I don't think one needs to have psychic powers to intuit that your partner would like a greeting and/or thank you when you come home to a clean house and cooked dinner. That's basic socialization. That guy sounds really oblivious. He doesn’t care enough to bother with making dinner or even just defrosting stuff unless explicitly told, yet his girlfriend does that for him when he gets back late. So she’s clearly willing to make an effort for her boyfriend, it’s not just something she expects solely from him. Also he was clearly very glad that she left dinner out for him, but instead of realizing that she would be just as happy if the situations were reversed he just immediately eats it all without even saying hi. Anyway, they should break up.
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Jan 6, 2019 00:54
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He couldn’t even manage a sitcom style “Honey, I’m home!” bellow or a three word text. She’s being passive aggressive but the only failing with that is she should have moved on to active aggressive by now.
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Jan 6, 2019 00:54
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Dienes posted:I await the update in a year when she posts that he tearfully confessed that the strip club handjob story was a lie and he hosed two sex workers while he was in Thailand. Aramoro posted:She has communicated it though, he has just decided he needs to be explicitly told to do things because he's a massive child. Baring in mind he's writing the story so this is his best version of events and he still comes across as a manchild failing at basic human empathy. Cough Drop The Beat posted:It's not too tough to go upstairs and say hi and hug his girlfriend who made dinner and cleaned up the house for his stupid rear end before chowing down. It's a basic expectation that doesn't involve psychic abilities or extraordinary communication skills. All of these are either focusing in on the "Didn't tell his partner he'd got home" which is pretty bad, sure, but also not at all what I even talked about in my post. According to the post, he had to talk to her a bunch to convince her that she needs to ask if she wants him to do something like defrost food before he gets home or get her a glass of water when he goes to get one for himself, which is entirely reasonable. Saying "Well he probably missed a text asking him to do it" is made up wholecloth, not supported by anything we see in the post, and completely changes the entire situation.
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Jan 6, 2019 00:57
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One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: Got a friend a disciplinary and went behind bosses back? How to stop this spiraling out of control? quote:I’m hoping I can get some advice on how best to handle this situation I find myself in.
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Jan 6, 2019 00:57
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Blade Runner posted:According to the post, he had to talk to her a bunch to convince her that she needs to ask if she wants him to do something like defrost food before he gets home or get her a glass of water when he goes to get one for himself, which is entirely reasonable. No, it really isn't reasonable - this is basic childhood socialisation as someone else said.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:02
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:It's not too tough to go upstairs and say hi and hug his girlfriend who made dinner and cleaned up the house for his stupid rear end before chowing down. It's a basic expectation that doesn't involve psychic abilities or extraordinary communication skills. It's called a 'secret test'. She's pulling the 'If he really loved me' he'd do x' without ever telling him what x is. He's doing the 'I'm doing y she knows I love her' but not telling her that's how he feels. Secret Tests are, unfortunately, very common with people who are immature and still don't quite realize other people don't exist solely to read their minds. Fortunately, there's an easy fix: Talk to each other and tell them what you are doing, what you want, what you mean. Yes, that's hard, but so is life.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:05
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: Holy poo poo this dude is the dumbest motherfucker alive
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Jan 6, 2019 01:08
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Khazar-khum posted:It's called a 'secret test'. She's pulling the 'If he really loved me' he'd do x' without ever telling him what x is. He's doing the 'I'm doing y she knows I love her' but not telling her that's how he feels. Secret Tests are, unfortunately, very common with people who are immature and still don't quite realize other people don't exist solely to read their minds. Fortunately, there's an easy fix: Talk to each other and tell them what you are doing, what you want, what you mean. Yes, that's hard, but so is life. No, this is a different test in which she's explicitly asked him to do something in a general situation (e.g., "If I have to work late I'd appreciate it if you thawed some dinner for me.") and he goes "Nuh-uh, you're gonna have to nag me every single time you want something."
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Jan 6, 2019 01:12
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: I posted that there, and was really on the fence as to whether it went in BWM or here. I guess the answer was both.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:17
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Haifisch posted:He doesn’t make enough money. What would YOU do? That poor girl. It hurts, but it's past time to move on. You'll be able to imagine yourself being with someone else about three months after you sever from that millstone. Edit: Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: You're just a walking whirlwind, aren't you? Veni Vidi Ameche! fucked around with this message at 01:21 on Jan 6, 2019 |
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Jan 6, 2019 01:19
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La Brea Carpet posted:My [29M] gf [30F] seems to expect me to follow a script of "expectations". She's constantly hurt, essentially saying I should "just know" to do things a certain way to demonstrate I really love her. Is this normal? How do we get past it? Haha this took a few reads because it felt like things my ex would spring on me and find sudden fault (my favorite was somehow being a slime by not offering to pay her debt) but This guy is a slack piece of poo poo and the girl deserves better than “boyfriend who doesn’t think about helping her”.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:19
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Trimson Grondag 3 posted:No, it really isn't reasonable - this is basic childhood socialisation as someone else said. Dienes posted:No, this is a different test in which she's explicitly asked him to do something in a general situation (e.g., "If I have to work late I'd appreciate it if you thawed some dinner for me.") and he goes "Nuh-uh, you're gonna have to nag me every single time you want something." And if you read the post, he says that he sometimes isn't able to do that for whatever reason so he'd appreciate if she could ask so he can tell her if he can't because he's wrapped up in work. It's also not "If I have to work late" it's "Every day", and it's not basic childhood socialization to be aware that you have to get a drink for someone else when you go to get one. Like, at best you could argue it's polite for him to ask if she wants a drink, but it's also reasonable for her to loving ask for one when she sees him going to get one. It's certainly not normal for her to get pissy over not getting something she didn't ask him for and he'd have no way of knowing she wanted.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:20
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Blade Runner posted:And if you read the post, he says that he sometimes isn't able to do that for whatever reason so he'd appreciate if she could ask so he can tell her if he can't because he's wrapped up in work. It's also not "If I have to work late" it's "Every day", and it's not basic childhood socialization to be aware that you have to get a drink for someone else when you go to get one. Like, at best you could argue it's polite for him to ask if she wants a drink, but it's also reasonable for her to loving ask for one when she sees him going to get one. It's certainly not normal for her to get pissy over not getting something she didn't ask him for and he'd have no way of knowing she wanted. I bet it's more along the line where this guy won't do anything for her without being specificslly asked to do so. Like, if you care about someone you shoud be concerned that their basic needs are met, let alone thst they're comfortable and/or content. It's not being a mind reader to wonder if she's hungry or thirsty and want to help that if she is. That is a minimal level of partner care.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:34
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: This guy sounds like a total fuckstick. The WFH dinner guy is right to expect that she indicates when she expects he will be preparing a meal for her. Why is it his sole responsibility to anticipate when she wants him to cook vs when they will cook together or get takeout? It seems like maybe they should talk about a meal plan for the whole week, and then if he needs to pull something out of the freezer on a particular night, he can just do that. I work from home and a lot of people seem to think that means I am available for all manner of tasks during the workday. Yes, I can start something during my half hour lunch if I want to skip eating, or maybe throw in a load of laundry, but I am working and my employer tracks my computer activity, so I actually need to be available and working from 7 to 4 each day. It's WORK from home, not sit on the couch and marinate while you suck up a paycheck. Autocorrect changed it to marinate and I am leaving it that way as it is related to the argument at hand.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:34
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interacting with people instead of avoiding them and posting about it online has worked well for me in the past
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Jan 6, 2019 01:37
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With a lump in my throat I need to admit that it may be time to consider this option. Need to know what the fallout could be. (self.legaladvice) submitted 4 days ago by JeSuisEdmondDantes quote:Due to reasons I am unable to share and believe me, this is the worst struggle of my life, I am having to put an option on the table that I never thought I would have to consider. I am not asking, nor want to discuss the ethics of considering such decision. I struggle enough with that already. Please respect this request and consider only adding to the conversation directly responding to the questions.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:42
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Holy poo poo the guy who cost himself 5k a year because he couldn’t wait for an official notice before whining that it should’ve been more.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:43
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La Brea Carpet posted:My [29M] gf [30F] seems to expect me to follow a script of "expectations". She's constantly hurt, essentially saying I should "just know" to do things a certain way to demonstrate I really love her. Is this normal? How do we get past it? My whole family suffers from a lot of 'everyone expecting everyone else to behave in certain ways than being constantly shocked by their failure despite never communicating their desires' it turns out an easy solution to this is to issue orders. You send a text to your idiot boyfriend before you leave work that says: 'Get started on dinner see you in thirty' and if he fucks that up than you can lambaste him for being a lazy sack of poo poo. Communication rules and if you're consistent enough with your orders eventually they'll be obeyed without question.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:43
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CheesyDog posted:With a lump in my throat I need to admit that it may be time to consider this option. Need to know what the fallout could be. Dude needs this https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ like yesterday
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Jan 6, 2019 01:46
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It seems like a lot of people these days believe narcissism is when someone else doesn't give them what they want.
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Jan 6, 2019 01:55
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I like how "abandoned" is in scare quotes, like dropping a joint-custody arrangement and moving to East Bumfuck, EU without notice isn't abandoning your child. I have no idea what's really going on there, but I feel bad for the kid.
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Jan 6, 2019 02:07
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therobit posted:It seems like a lot of people these days believe narcissism is when someone else doesn't give them what they want. More from poster: quote:Bearing with you:
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Jan 6, 2019 02:08
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Moving to the EU and still wanting involvement with my child that I don't have custody of. Why wouldn't this work?
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Jan 6, 2019 02:16
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CheesyDog posted:With a lump in my throat I need to admit that it may be time to consider this option. Need to know what the fallout could be. Lol at this guy trying to be all gender-neutral in regards to his ex, except for the multiple times he slips up and just writes “her”.
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Jan 6, 2019 02:17
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:Nah, dude's girlfriend has fairly reasonable expectations for her boyfriend to treat his partner half decently and he's an idiot who has no respect for her. yeah I went into that thinking it was gonna be a communication issue but dude just totally fails at like even the basic tasks of showing you give a poo poo. No matter how you write it I can't picture not saying hi to my SO instead of quietly eating food in the kitchen when I got home. The way he writes about that incident as if it were totally normal and it's weird to think he'd have done anything else in that situation tells me he basically doesn't give any indication at all he gives a poo poo about her and her vague complaint about "people should just naturally do these various things that show they care" is totally valid.
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Jan 6, 2019 02:37
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Also "I will do thing but only after being explicitly micromanaged to do so each time the problem where I should obviously do thing to solve it comes up" is exhausting enough in coworkers but is downright murder worthy in someone living with you. No it is not being helpful to do obvious tasks only after someone else takes the time to tell you to do them.
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Jan 6, 2019 02:43
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: Holy poo poo, this guy's an idiot. 20% pay rise wasn't enough  Also "cost the company 75% of its business" yet they let him keep his job and now goes behind his boss' back to bitch about his massive raise which he then hosed himself out of. Someone take him out back, dig a ditch and do the needful. This man does not need to walk the earth.
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Jan 6, 2019 02:44
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5470NjqQv9I
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Jan 6, 2019 03:02
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ArbitraryC posted:yeah I went into that thinking it was gonna be a communication issue but dude just totally fails at like even the basic tasks of showing you give a poo poo. That's what I landed on. The problem as he describes it in terms of her having an internal script makes him seem reasonable, but then all the examples reveal that he just kind of sucks and is insensitive. The mistake in her thinking though is believing "if you loved me you would do X". Someone can be blindingly in love with you but still fail to be a good partner, or they could feel nothing but resentment for you and do better at day to day stuff than this guy. A good roommate will do better than him while not feeling much other than noncommittal friendliness. Separating the feeling of love from the performance of love is an important concept to grasp if one is to avoid being stuck with dead weight or abusers.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:05
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ArbitraryC posted:yeah I went into that thinking it was gonna be a communication issue but dude just totally fails at like even the basic tasks of showing you give a poo poo. No matter how you write it I can't picture not saying hi to my SO instead of quietly eating food in the kitchen when I got home. The way he writes about that incident as if it were totally normal and it's weird to think he'd have done anything else in that situation tells me he basically doesn't give any indication at all he gives a poo poo about her and her vague complaint about "people should just naturally do these various things that show they care" is totally valid. It's totally normal, you're just not an engineer and don't get how logical it is to do exactly the gently caress what you want and ignore everything around you unless you stand to gain materially from it immediately.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:14
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The Gomer Pyle of the corporate world.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:18
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Haifisch posted:One incredibly dumb motherfucker, courtesy of our friends in the Bad With Money thread:
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Jan 6, 2019 03:23
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Anyone who says "If you loved me you would defrost dinner" is manipulative as hell and probably not rational in their expectations.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:30
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therobit posted:Anyone who says "If you loved me you would defrost dinner" is manipulative as hell and probably not rational in their expectations. I mean that's a telephone game interpretation of what he said. The post when laid out clearly suggests the problem is she can't even begin to understand why some things you'd due naturally for even just a roommate is stuff that's beyond him in their relationship. Like not even saying hi when he got home just trudging into the kitchen and faceslamming into a warm dinner while never once considering who made it for him or how nice it would be if he returned the favor a single time in his life. Yeah if he did actually love her he would demonstrate this by actions that shows he cares. He doesn't though.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:38
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That you should ask if someone else wants something to drink while grabbing yourself one is an incredibly basic social maneuver someone pushing 30 should not need to be reminded of.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:46
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Straight-up "I am going to defrost a single meal, only for me, and my girlfriend can figure out dinner on her own" is not a cool thing. It's not a terrible thing, either, but it does sort of say that he doesn't care about her.
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Jan 6, 2019 03:48
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QuarkJets posted:Straight-up "I am going to defrost a single meal, only for me, and my girlfriend can figure out dinner on her own" is not a cool thing. It's not a terrible thing, either, but it does sort of say that he doesn't care about her. "But I'd do it if I was texted instructions every time for forever and ever"
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Jan 6, 2019 03:49
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Another day, another man who won't clean the poo poo out of his rear end. How to deal with the fact my (29m) partner (27m) does not clean himself properly after using the toilet. quote:Hello Reddit, E:  quote:Redditor quote:OP Skutter fucked around with this message at 04:12 on Jan 6, 2019 |
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Jan 6, 2019 04:08
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La Brea Carpet posted:My [29M] gf [30F] seems to expect me to follow a script of "expectations". She's constantly hurt, essentially saying I should "just know" to do things a certain way to demonstrate I really love her. Is this normal? How do we get past it? This relationship is exhausting.
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Jan 6, 2019 04:19
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