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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Oh, I was subbing in PK4 today (everyone has the flu, and our school doesn't have substitutes) and a girl said she had to tell me a secret. I said okay, because you never know when you might need blackmail material. hell, same
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Jan 25, 2019 21:55
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Beer_Suitcase posted:The sequel to Babykicker has arrived! These are great.
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Jan 25, 2019 21:57
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Beer_Suitcase posted:The sequel to Babykicker has arrived!
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Jan 25, 2019 22:18
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Alhazred posted:One time a kid got really upset when the other kids called him a tadpole. Which is understandable because Norwegian wasn't his first language and the Norwegian word for tadpole is 'rear end troll'. So I had to carefully explain that the other kids did not think that he was a literal rear end troll and show him pictures of tadpoles. Could be worse. In Swedish the word for character, as in: 'that person is such a character' is 'prick'. Or the word for a person you share a residence with. Which is 'sambo'.
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Jan 26, 2019 11:16
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After ten minutes of waiting for G4 to stop screaming, saying he hated me, throwing books, etc (this happens every time he has to go to religion class, and while I can't say I blame him, I also don't need to be yelled at by his parents), I turned around to see that G2 had been "handcuffed" with tape. ME: "You going to jail?" G2: "Yes. For a long time!" ME: "What did you do?" G2: "I said hello to an ice cream." ok? Now he is in prison, because he also said hello to a pencil case. Beer_Suitcase posted:The sequel to Babykicker has arrived! That. Is a good shirt. EDIT: J, the Indian kindergartener on my bus, is hilarious. J: "Miss Fleta, one time the Joker was running and a car RUN OVER HIS FOOT. And then he CHASED BATMAN." ME: "What about his foot? Didn't his foot hurt?" J: *pause* "Sometimes babies are bad because they hit a dog." ME: "Okay." J: "Also, Joker went to the doctor." ME: "Ah. I wondered." J: "HE IS A VERY GOOD DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!" And in more changeroom shenanigans, little boys like shaking their dicks a lot.  
Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 12:40 on Feb 5, 2019 |
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Feb 5, 2019 12:02
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:And in more changeroom shenanigans, little boys like shaking their dicks a lot. 
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Feb 5, 2019 23:32
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:And in more changeroom shenanigans, little boys like shaking their dicks a lot. I mean, to be fair, if you had one, wouldn't you? 
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Feb 6, 2019 05:06
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My 4 year old nephew had just taken a dump and wiped his butt. Since he was just learning how to wipe I checked to make sure he did a good job. It was fine, so I told him it was good and to put his pants back on. He got super upset at this and said that he wanted to wipe his butt some more. I told him that there was no more poo and that he did not need to wipe again. He responded by throwing a tantrum and screaming "I MISS MY POOP! I WANT MY POOP BACK" for the next 10 minutes.
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Feb 6, 2019 18:35
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Cousin's kid: "If you want a new baby you just have to catch a baby when it's raining babies. If you don't catch them they break their bones."
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Feb 7, 2019 01:17
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Nuevo posted:I mean, to be fair, if you had one, wouldn't you? No, tbh it would probably fall off after two hours because I would try to stick it in in loving EVERYTHING. Mailboxes, couch cushions, grapefruits, etc...I wanna try everything I've seen people do with dicks in internet legends. E: I have broken up THREE male-on-female crotch-kicking incidents this week. In all three cases, the boys were confused. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 13:58 on Feb 8, 2019 |
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Feb 8, 2019 13:56
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quote:E: I have broken up THREE male-on-female crotch-kicking incidents this week. In all three cases, the boys were confused.
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Feb 8, 2019 14:05
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Teketeketeketeke posted:Cousin's kid: 
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Feb 8, 2019 14:43
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Cardiovorax posted:"WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING!?" It’s not like cuntpunts are comfortable.
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Feb 8, 2019 16:08
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AlbieQuirky posted:It’s not like cuntpunts are comfortable.
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Feb 8, 2019 16:13
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I caught two kids arguing about a toy spade, both swore that they had found it first so I decided to ask them both where they had found it. One of them managed to give a pretty detailed account about where the toy spade had been when she found it. I then asked the other kid, she responded that she had taken it from the other kid's hands and started running away with it.
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Feb 9, 2019 10:57
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Feb 9, 2019 11:01
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Points for honesty.
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Feb 9, 2019 11:06
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left_unattended posted:Points for honesty. But no spade.
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Feb 9, 2019 15:40
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My nephew wrote a story about invasive Asian carp. In it a bass tries to explain to the carp how they're ruining the ecosystem and how there won't be enough food for everyone. The carp's reply: "It's survival of the fittest you dumb bass." My sister said he might get in trouble, but worth it. Also he came home one day and said he was soooooo hungry because he didn't have lunch. Why didnt he have lunch? He looks at her completely deadpan and says, "We had reproductive health today and they were serving hot dogs. Hot dogs.
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Feb 9, 2019 16:16
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If I can eat peanutbutter after changing a dirty diaper then your nephew should be able to eat hot dogs after looking at wieners.
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Feb 9, 2019 16:46
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Hell I'd have been craving hotdogs.
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Feb 9, 2019 18:45
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Alhazred posted:If I can eat peanutbutter after changing a dirty diaper then your nephew should be able to eat hot dogs after looking at wieners. Same but while instead of after
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Feb 9, 2019 22:50
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I asked my 6 year old what super power he would want (we were going to watch Incredibles 2 on netflix) and he thought about it and said "I want to make people dance."
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Feb 10, 2019 14:05
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:No, tbh it would probably fall off after two hours because I would try to stick it in in loving EVERYTHING. Mailboxes, [...] If you have to try to get your dick in a mailbox, I mean, drat.
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Feb 10, 2019 18:44
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Slippery posted:If you have to try to get your dick in a mailbox, I mean, drat. I'm basing my theoretical dick size on my actual amount of attitude, so
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Feb 10, 2019 18:49
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Getting it back out is the difficult part, really. Them snap lids. Ouch.
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Feb 10, 2019 19:01
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:I'm basing my theoretical dick size on my actual amount of attitude, so That's exactly how it works for dudes. So as you can tell by my truck,
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Feb 10, 2019 20:15
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In my experience these two things are inversely proportional,
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Feb 10, 2019 21:53
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Yesterday, I was telling my wife and teen daughter the tragic /r/relationships tale of the lady who didn’t have premarital sex with her husband and then found out he had an undisclosed microdong. As we were talking about it, my five year old daughter wandered through to go to the bathroom and heard me say “dick” and my wife was like “LANGUAGE” to which the older daughter was all “she doesn’t even know what ‘dick’ means; it’s fine.” From the other side of the closed door, very indignantly: “YES I DO.” They were picking on her after that, because she actually didn’t know so I explained it to her quietly because that’s mean and I still sometimes think about similar incidents from when I was a child. I’ll gladly deal with the parent-teacher conference when it arises. The point is that her tone on the “YES I DO” was perfect. Just completely defiant and offended. burial has a new favorite as of 05:00 on Feb 11, 2019 |
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Feb 11, 2019 04:54
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ME: "What is a boycott?" G5: "When a boycott is pick up the phone and call another boycott, he say, 'oh, hello boycott, how are you? I am fine.'" ............................ok
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Feb 12, 2019 12:37
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I love how I can follow the logic in this. "I don't know what a cott is, but I know what a boy is, and boys use phones. So this answer is going to be at least 50% correct!" I mean, it makes sense. A boycott is clearly just a special flavor of boy. We don't have them here, but it's a foreign word, so maybe they do.
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Feb 12, 2019 12:42
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Today I had a theological discussion with one of the kids at work. Her closing argument was that Allah was busy driving a train.
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Feb 14, 2019 18:49
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Alhazred posted:Today I had a theological discussion with one of the kids at work. Her closing argument was that Allah was busy driving a train. If Jesus can take the wheel, I don't see why Allah can't conduct a train.
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Feb 14, 2019 19:00
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This checks out
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Feb 14, 2019 19:20
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Alhazred posted:Today I had a theological discussion with one of the kids at work. Her closing argument was that Allah was busy driving a train. It's never too early to appreciate the music of Tom Waits Especially as dubbed over Cookie Monster (god's away on business)
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Feb 15, 2019 03:38
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Sometimes I like to mess with some of the kids and greet them with asalaam alaikum. It blows their little minds that a non-muslim knows 'their' words.
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Feb 15, 2019 11:33
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Alhazred posted:Sometimes I like to mess with some of the kids and greet them with asalaam alaikum. It blows their little minds that a non-muslim knows 'their' words. 
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Feb 16, 2019 03:32
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A spooky story by my five year-old daughter, verbatim: “Once upon a time there was a very old man in a very old house. It was full of ghosts but he didn’t know that. Then on a day just like today the ghosts came into the REAL WORLD.” A lot gets lost without her delivery but I thought it was hilarious.
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Feb 16, 2019 03:40
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G3: "Miss Fleta! On pajama day, I will wear the pajamas...OF A GIRL!!!!" *two minutes of laughter* G3: "MISS FLETA MISS FLETA MISS FLETA!!! I wear the pajamas..........MUY GUAPA!" *Three minutes of laughter* I'll wear cold cream and a bathrobe. I can't wait!!!!!
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Feb 22, 2019 23:50
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M: "Miss Fleta, if I was Rosa Parks, I would do a gun." ME: "Remember, M, we talked about non-violent protests." M: "I DON'T CARE. She need a gun." Also, we learned about North Korea this week. The general consensus is "North Korea is a poo-poo," followed by "North Korea MUY TONTO."
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Feb 22, 2019 23:53
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