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Precambrian Video Games
Aug 19, 2002



GRRM dies of a heart attack and wills ASoIaF to Brandon Sanderson, who becomes the first literary multi-billionaire by writing three alternative storylines in a mere half-decade.

Rothfuss writes one more unpopular novel(la) about some lovely side character before taking over GRRM's football blog.

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A human heart
Oct 10, 2012

Benson Cunningham posted:

Have you ever done that thing where you put your hands together and make fart noises?

Basically that, but about books.

are you just pretending to be stupid or what

pikachode
Jan 21, 2019

by R. Guyovich
sanderson's sheer work ethic frightens me and i have nothing but respect for it, in the same way i respect international hotdog-eating competition winners

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

pikachode posted:

sanderson's sheer work ethic frightens me and i have nothing but respect for it, in the same way i respect international hotdog-eating competition winners

Is it really ethical to turn out garbage that pollutes the mind?

pikachode
Jan 21, 2019

by R. Guyovich

pseudanonymous posted:

Is it really ethical to turn out garbage that pollutes the mind?
no, that's why i put it on the same philosophical level as eating three hundred hotdogs in a sitting

pikachode
Jan 21, 2019

by R. Guyovich
it may be a loathsome feat but it's a feat

The Chad Jihad
Feb 24, 2007


Poster: "It's time to eviscerate Bravest using facts and logic"

Me: " Hell yes finally, take him down a peg"

Poster: "Consider Brandon Sandersons novella 'Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell'- "

Me: *coughing up blood*

Benson Cunningham
Dec 9, 2006

Chief of J.U.N.K.E.R. H.Q.

A human heart posted:

are you just pretending to be stupid or what

I was trying to match the tone of your question.

Evil Fluffy
Jul 13, 2009

Scholars are some of the most pompous and pedantic people I've ever had the joy of meeting.

pseudanonymous posted:

Is it really ethical to turn out garbage that pollutes the mind?

Could we please stop talking about BotL?

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep
Ha! What else do we talk about in the Book Barn?! Books?!

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
Let's keep this thread focused on Patrick Rothfuss, whose sheer volume of work gives us no excuse for not staying on topic.

How about The Doors of Stone, huh?

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe

pikachode posted:

sanderson's sheer work ethic frightens me and i have nothing but respect for it, in the same way i respect international hotdog-eating competition winners

lmao

He writes like a machine, a machine that produces wonder bread.

Kchama
Jul 25, 2007

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Let's keep this thread focused on Patrick Rothfuss, whose sheer volume of work gives us no excuse for not staying on topic.

How about The Doors of Stone, huh?

I really have no idea what's going to happen in The Doors of Stone. Not a bit. And that's not like, because Rothfuss has crafted a good mystery or anything. It's because the previous two books were so disjointed that I can't really figure out what might happen beyond the obvious stuff. Like, a king's gonna die. Who is the king? We have no clue. We don't even know what country the king will be from. We can guess 'Vintas', as it's the only country in the setting that we know anything about, and we know that it has a king. We can suppose that it's either Ambrose or Simms, likely Ambrose judging by all of the stories of him murdering the people ahead of him in line for the throne. Wait, are Ambrose and Simms in line for the same throne? Also both Ambrose and Simms are poets and yadda yadda he has a sword whose name means 'line break in poem' or something.

Oh yeah he'll probably kill some real Amyr, because of Chronicler's dumb line about THIS IS A MAN WHO HAS KILLED AN ANGEL! and the Chandrians. Maybe. Unless they just don't appear 'cuz OOPS the plot is in another book of this tri... QUADRILOGY!

I still don't really get how through all of this Kvothe is treated like a celebrity. KILLED THE KING AND AN ANGEL is generally like, stuff that gets someone conflated with being Literally Not-Satan, but people tell all these tales about how BADASS and COOL he is.

Atlas Hugged
Mar 12, 2007


Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all
My new theory is that the reason why he bangs all of those random sex ninjas and sex fairies is because Rothfuss wanted to prove that Kvothe didn't just "need to get laid" but was really in love with Denna the whole time.

Precambrian Video Games
Aug 19, 2002



Actually it's because Rothfuss is a huge loser neckbeard and he was too embarrassed to write all of that pathetic wish fulfiment into his first book, because really his own undergrad experience was a tale of unrequited love.

Speaking of the Chandrian, remember that time at the end of the first book where he went to investigate blue fire, and it turned out to be a completely unrelated dragon, and he slept with Denna but didn't, and actually there was something related to the Chandrian in a house in that village but he didn't notice because the entire first book is like a dystopian RPG where your character is too hungry to be able to pursue the main questline and has to complete godawful side quests just to survive.

e: oh I see now, the Kingkiller Chronicles is basically an early access trilogy.

Atlas Hugged
Mar 12, 2007


Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all
My impression is that every episode is just a second draft (or more likely first) of every assignment he had to do as an undergrad with a few additional segments stitching it all together. It's why it's so disjointed and nonsensical.

TheIncredulousHulk
Sep 3, 2012

Atlas Hugged posted:

My impression is that every episode is just a second draft (or more likely first) of every assignment he had to do as an undergrad with a few additional segments stitching it all together. It's why it's so disjointed and nonsensical.

:wrong:

Some of them are actually transcriptions of his D&D character's adventures

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

Kchama posted:

QUADRILOGY!
Tetralogy. :engleft:

pseudanonymous
Aug 30, 2008

When you make the second entry and the debits and credits balance, and you blow them to hell.

Kchama posted:

I really have no idea what's going to happen in The Doors of Stone.

Nothing's going to happen because he's never going to finish it. Right now there's this constant buzz about how great a writer he is people worshipping the books etc.. If he finishes it'll be like that last season of Lost, and everyone realizing that Lindelhof is great at beginnings and asking questions but doesn't know how to write a payoff.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe

eXXon posted:

Actually it's because Rothfuss is a huge loser neckbeard and he was too embarrassed to write all of that pathetic wish fulfiment into his first book, because really his own undergrad experience was a tale of unrequited love.
I agree. His conversation with Fela about Denna tells me that he's never had an actual female friend, because any good female friend would be like, "Dude, this chick is going to string you along for the rest of your life because she is an rear end in a top hat and you are a moron/idiot." Instead she's like, "Well, you know, you do gently caress a lot, so maybe she doesn't like that"

Torrannor
Apr 27, 2013

---FAGNER---
TEAM-MATE

Kchama posted:

I really have no idea what's going to happen in The Doors of Stone. Not a bit. And that's not like, because Rothfuss has crafted a good mystery or anything. It's because the previous two books were so disjointed that I can't really figure out what might happen beyond the obvious stuff. Like, a king's gonna die. Who is the king? We have no clue. We don't even know what country the king will be from. We can guess 'Vintas', as it's the only country in the setting that we know anything about, and we know that it has a king. We can suppose that it's either Ambrose or Simms, likely Ambrose judging by all of the stories of him murdering the people ahead of him in line for the throne. Wait, are Ambrose and Simms in line for the same throne? Also both Ambrose and Simms are poets and yadda yadda he has a sword whose name means 'line break in poem' or something.

Oh yeah he'll probably kill some real Amyr, because of Chronicler's dumb line about THIS IS A MAN WHO HAS KILLED AN ANGEL! and the Chandrians. Maybe. Unless they just don't appear 'cuz OOPS the plot is in another book of this tri... QUADRILOGY!

I still don't really get how through all of this Kvothe is treated like a celebrity. KILLED THE KING AND AN ANGEL is generally like, stuff that gets someone conflated with being Literally Not-Satan, but people tell all these tales about how BADASS and COOL he is.

There's probably also something with the Lackless door of stone.

Karnegal
Dec 24, 2005

Is it... safe?
I'm really perplexed that people who just savage Rothfuss are in here boosting Sanderson. He's not a good author. He's prolific for sure, and that is in some ways notable, but he seriously writes the exact same story in 90% of his books. He also writes massively long books that could be half as long with no real loss. His only really distinct features are A.) every new book series has a new D&D manual built in outlining a new roleplaying setting that he dreamed up, and B.) he somehow convinced his publisher it would be cool if he took all of his books are made them part of the same ur-story, which is kind of an audacious move, but it's also largely squandered on perfectly serviceable but unremarkable stories.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
Sanderson is serviceable, but not good

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy

Karnegal posted:

I'm really perplexed that people who just savage Rothfuss are in here boosting Sanderson.

They mock Rothfuss to distract from how bad the stuff they like is

Kchama
Jul 25, 2007

Karnegal posted:

I'm really perplexed that people who just savage Rothfuss are in here boosting Sanderson. He's not a good author. He's prolific for sure, and that is in some ways notable, but he seriously writes the exact same story in 90% of his books. He also writes massively long books that could be half as long with no real loss. His only really distinct features are A.) every new book series has a new D&D manual built in outlining a new roleplaying setting that he dreamed up, and B.) he somehow convinced his publisher it would be cool if he took all of his books are made them part of the same ur-story, which is kind of an audacious move, but it's also largely squandered on perfectly serviceable but unremarkable stories.

I'm just in here to savage Rothfuss. Never have bothered to read Sanderson.

Though 'servicable but unremarkable' at least is better than 'a dozen bad stories stitched into one'.


Torrannor posted:

There's probably also something with the Lackless door of stone.

I mean, sure, since that's literally the title. But there's gotta be more to it than that.

Also, unrelated, but it struck me recently that nobody actually talks about his titular deed. The king-killing. It's not even in Kvothe's bragging prelude even though that SHOULD be the thing that should get people's attention and nod when he says "You may have heard of me." Also probably then descend on him in a pitchfork and torch mob because the country is falling apart in civil war 'cuz he killed the king. Nobody's directly referenced him killing the king either. The closest I can think of is that line about "I was there when you killed him. The cobblestones were eternally damaged. Nobody could mend them" even though I'm pretty sure you just replace cobblestone rather than just go "oh it's damaged better get someone to fix it. Hey, pal, get me a cobbler!" I couldn't think of a better joke for 'cobblestone fixer'.

And that might not even be about the king.

MrFlibble
Nov 28, 2007

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Fallen Rib

Karnegal posted:

I'm really perplexed that people who just savage Rothfuss are in here boosting Sanderson.

You're surprised people who are savaging one of the beardo fantasy dorks who can't loving finish a book are bringing up the arch fantasy book writing machine dork?

If you like trash its better to get a constant stream of it then to look at an incomplete pile of it and know that it will never be finished.

BravestOfTheLamps posted:

They mock Rothfuss to distract from how bad the stuff they like is

You like trash as well, trashman.

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011


I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

"The cobblestones were eternally damaged" as a symbol of badassery just makes me think of the TVTropes "broke 33 pencils" kid

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
I looked it up in the book, and the actual lines are so Rothfuss that I have to post them verbatim:

quote:

"I saw the place in Imre where you killed him. By the fountain. The cobblestones are all shattered." He frowned and concentrated on the word. "Shattered. They say no one can mend them."

BravestOfTheLamps
Oct 12, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Lipstick Apathy
Little known fact, cobblestones are irreplaceable.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe

Sham bam bamina! posted:

I looked it up in the book, and the actual lines are so Rothfuss that I have to post them verbatim:

That's what we do to cobblestones, we mend them, we don't just dig them up and replace them, because that wouldn't be poetic

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
(frowning, brow furrowed, thinking really hard)

Shattered.

Strom Cuzewon
Jul 1, 2010

I'm the dude who's reaction to terrifying displays of power is to concentrate very hard on his word choice

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
Kvothe, you make me so horny with your red hair and sensitive hands from, uh, being a musician?

Pacho
Jun 9, 2010

Atlas Hugged posted:

My new theory is that the reason why he bangs all of those random sex ninjas and sex fairies is because Rothfuss wanted to prove that Kvothe didn't just "need to get laid" but was really in love with Denna the whole time.

My guess is that it's like that episode of Firefly about how you don't need sex to feel validated as an adult but also you totally do

Karnegal
Dec 24, 2005

Is it... safe?

MrFlibble posted:

You're surprised people who are savaging one of the beardo fantasy dorks who can't loving finish a book are bringing up the arch fantasy book writing machine dork?

If you like trash its better to get a constant stream of it then to look at an incomplete pile of it and know that it will never be finished.


I mean, from a certain point of view, Rothfuss is actually doing us all a favor by not writing anything but masturbatory blog posts.

MrFlibble
Nov 28, 2007

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Fallen Rib

Karnegal posted:

I mean, from a certain point of view, Rothfuss is actually doing us all a favor by not writing anything but masturbatory blog posts.

Wrong, friend. By not finishing his trilogy he poisons the minds of the unenlightened with the notions of a potential 'good' third book. If he were a decent human he would release that turd upon us and dispel all doubt as to the quality of his story.

Atlas Hugged
Mar 12, 2007


Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

MrFlibble posted:

Wrong, friend. By not finishing his trilogy he poisons the minds of the unenlightened with the notions of a potential 'good' third book. If he were a decent human he would release that turd upon us and dispel all doubt as to the quality of his story.

Do you honestly think the people who read the first two books and found something to enjoy are going to have the illusion shattered on the third?

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat

Atlas Hugged posted:

Do you honestly think the people who read the first two books and found something to enjoy are going to have the illusion shattered on the third?
A fair few people exist who loved The Name of the Wind, hated The Wise Man's Fear, and have their fingers crossed for Rothfuss to get his groove back for The Doors of Stone.

ElGroucho
Nov 1, 2005

We already - What about sticking our middle fingers up... That was insane
Fun Shoe
A series of somewhat related short stories

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Evil Fluffy
Jul 13, 2009

Scholars are some of the most pompous and pedantic people I've ever had the joy of meeting.

ElGroucho posted:

Sanderson is serviceable, but not good

People think Erikson is good even though Malazan is like someone managed to vomit word salad in 4D.

Sham bam bamina! posted:

A fair few people exist who loved The Name of the Wind, hated The Wise Man's Fear, and have their fingers crossed for Rothfuss to get his groove back for The Doors of Stone.

Introduce those people to Slow Regard for Silent Things so that they are aware Wise Man's Fear isn't the bottom of the barrel of Rothfuss's writing.

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