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Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry

Who's this Foundry 42? No, we don't owe you a refund, we're Cloud Imperium Games!


But not that other Cloud Imperium Games. We're told they are simply Cloud Imperium now.

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Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry
HYPER REAL SPACE SIM


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Tokamak
Dec 22, 2004

So they renamed CIG to CI in order to rename F42 to CIG. They have a fun little shell game going on.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry
Can't wait for the Sonic x Star Citizen hyper-realistic blood fanfic nightmare spaghetti stories involving the most hyper-realistic and worst electricity that tripled every time you roll around at the speed of sound.

tooterfish
Jul 13, 2013

Jobbo_Fett posted:

HYPER REAL SPACE SIM


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0EZobdiJ4M

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

lmao.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry
Im ded, tell my loved ones a videogame where a spaceman can turn into a spaghetti horror monster, or where using an emote makes you invincible, killed me with laughter.

Jonny Shiloh
Mar 7, 2019
You 'orrible little man
Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry
I'm not even sure if its the basic idea that CIG, no not that CIG, the one that used to be F42, no wait I mean CI!G, have the most laughable "marketing" possible for their business decisions




or if its clear that this is already in creepypasta territory. gently caress, all someone has to do is post about how they were given an unlabelled blu-ray dvd from a crazy uncle who used to work as a game developer in Austin and when they open palm slapped that baby into the PC they saw that it was the never-before-seen release copy of SQ42 and it sucked out all sanity or some dumb poo poo with its hyper-realistic electricity.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Hello, friend! :wave:


Have you come for your 40 lashes at the hands of the hyper-realistic stimperor?

Bofast
Feb 21, 2011

Grimey Drawer

Enchanted Hat posted:

Holy poo poo, that's amazing. It's a game about grinding better and better gear for hundreds of hours, but none of the gear actually makes you stronger? They shouldn't have called it Anthem; it should have been called Sisyphus.

I think it was specifically if you wear a bunch of high end gear, except you switch a weapon back to the level 1 weapon you start with. Bit of an edge case, but still shows how poorly thought out the whole thing is.

Bofast
Feb 21, 2011

Grimey Drawer

Agony Aunt posted:

Well, its just continuing the fine tradition set out by CI!G. After all, there will be a 100 to 1 ratio of NPCs to players in the 'verse, so its only right there should be a 100 to 1 ratio of bots to viewers on their flagship twitch stream.

:golfclap:

Colostomy Bag
Jan 11, 2016

:lesnick: C-Bangin' it :lesnick:

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Welcome aboard to the greatest shitshow on earth.

Bofast
Feb 21, 2011

Grimey Drawer

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Welcome, new friend :wave:

Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Welcome to the dead gay comedy forum.

Please note, this is a Derek Smart free zone.

Also remember to pay your taxxe!

Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

I'm now waiting for the new sub company, Cloud Imperium Films, that will herald Chris' triumphant return to Hollywood, with grade A actors like Sandi Gardner starring in the blockbuster film of Squadron 42.

WITH A THOUSAND ELEPHANTS!

Jonny Shiloh
Mar 7, 2019
You 'orrible little man
OK I'm all caught up. Reassuring to see that Star Citizen is still good.

One concern - what's Chris up to these days though? For someone who made the art of motion pictures his own, it's worrying he's been out of the spotlight a bit recently. Has he been spotted in the wild, or do the new investors maybe have him strapped down in a computer room somewhere, code wizarding away on Squadron 42 with only Dennis for company in case the mouse stops working or he forgets what his password is?

I miss his perplexed and sweaty face - hope he's OK.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry

Jonny Shiloh posted:

OK I'm all caught up. Reassuring to see that Star Citizen is still good.

One concern - what's Chris up to these days though? For someone who made the art of motion pictures his own, it's worrying he's been out of the spotlight a bit recently. Has he been spotted in the wild, or do the new investors maybe have him strapped down in a computer room somewhere, code wizarding away on Squadron 42 with only Dennis for company in case the mouse stops working or he forgets what his password is?

I miss his perplexed and sweaty face - hope he's OK.

He's making the best drat hyper real space sim of all loving time, thats what!


How loving dare you question the lord and saviour of PC Gaming™

Beexoffel
Oct 4, 2015

Herald of the Stimpire

Amazing Zimmo posted:

https://twitter.com/discolando/status/1103167595824308224

Mocap's a tireless foe.

E: That coffee machine in the background looks more expensive than the $20,000 one

I thought SC could not surprise me anymore.
But still mocapping, after all these years, wow.
And no restraint either in admitting that shameful fact publicly.

Beexoffel
Oct 4, 2015

Herald of the Stimpire
Don't the people working on Star Citizen understand that they are embarrassing themselves?

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





Jobbo_Fett posted:

HYPER REAL SPACE SIM


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Have you ever been to space? Ever flew a space fighter or hauled cargo around the rings of Venus? Well then you couldn't possibly judge what's realistic or not! Checkmate, goonie

spacetoaster
Feb 10, 2014

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Don't forget to catch up on THIS thread too.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3511398&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=1

It's from 2012.

Loxbourne
Apr 6, 2011

Tomorrow, doom!
But now, tea.

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here

Welcome to the Goon ranks. Please report for deskeletonisation as soon as possible and don't forget to file your Secret Fake Refund and Grey Market Ghost Fleet requests with Janice from Accounting.

Someone will be along shortly to sign you up for the Criminal Erotic Gameplay taster sessions. Take my advice and go for the limbless rape crate instead of the Bunnyman. A lot of first-timers make that mistake.

Catte Taxe rebate forms are third door down on the left, just past the room where we all spy on That Kazan while he sleeps.

Beexoffel
Oct 4, 2015

Herald of the Stimpire

Is this a concept that, against all convention, has _not_ been sold?

Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Beexoffel posted:

Is this a concept that, against all convention, has _not_ been sold?



Well, its an exploration ship. Surely they wouldn't sell a concept ship that doesn't exist for a feature that doesn't exist....

Oh, right. Silly me.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry

Beet Wagon posted:

Have you ever been to space? Ever flew a space fighter or hauled cargo around the rings of Venus? Well then you couldn't possibly judge what's realistic or not! Checkmate, goonie

I have... in Elite: Dangerous :smuggo:

Dogeh
Aug 30, 2017

ShitMeter: -------------|- 99%

Loxbourne posted:

Welcome to the Goon ranks. Please report for deskeletonisation as soon as possible and don't forget to file your Secret Fake Refund and Grey Market Ghost Fleet requests with Janice from Accounting.

Someone will be along shortly to sign you up for the Criminal Erotic Gameplay taster sessions. Take my advice and go for the limbless rape crate instead of the Bunnyman. A lot of first-timers make that mistake.

Catte Taxe rebate forms are third door down on the left, just past the room where we all spy on That Kazan while he sleeps.

Who's in charge of the Derek Alt accounts now?
They need to make up a few extra ones so that we can hate some more on Store Citizer.

Also, chat with Jobbo. He has the Joe Blobers dictionary/phrasebook.

djent
Nov 28, 2013

It's metal to like clowns



when do I get my 4" model of spaceship :colbert:

tuo
Jun 17, 2016

Beet Wagon posted:

Have you ever been to space? Ever flew a space fighter or hauled cargo around the rings of Venus? Well then you couldn't possibly judge what's realistic or not! Checkmate, goonie

That could be a perfect entry for a Kazan reddit post. "As a former space traveller and operating system software developer in space...."

Jonny Shiloh
Mar 7, 2019
You 'orrible little man

Jobbo_Fett posted:

He's making the best drat hyper real space sim of all loving time, thats what!


How loving dare you question the lord and saviour of PC Gaming™

I believe I'm qualified - I have done some programming you know

code:

10 Cls
20 Print "$232 million dollars" 
30 Sleep 
40 End

There you go Chris, you can have that one on me.

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





Beexoffel posted:

Is this a concept that, against all convention, has _not_ been sold?



They haven't sold it as far as I'm aware. In lore it's old, like one of the first consumer/commercial spacecraft made. I remember seeing a thread where backers were talking about "If RSI released an updated, upgraded version would you buy one?" but CIG has yet to capitalize on that.

Jobbo_Fett
Mar 7, 2014

Slava Ukrayini

Clapping Larry

Jonny Shiloh posted:

I believe I'm qualified - I have done some programming you know

code:

10 Cls
20 Print "$232 million dollars" 
30 Sleep 
40 End

There you go Chris, you can have that one on me.

STEP ASIDE BEET WE GOT A NEW COCKROACH KING IN TOWN!

Beexoffel
Oct 4, 2015

Herald of the Stimpire

Jonny Shiloh posted:

Hello everyone, disgruntled Star Citizen backer Jonny Shiloh here.

I've been lurking for a while but, with 3.5 and the NEW FLIGHT MODELTM soon to pop out of the oven to (no doubt) admiring gasps from the citizenry, now seemed as good a time as any to sign up. That, and the fact that I've had more laughs reading this thread and its catalogue of SC-related disasters than a man of my age could reasonably expect to have had, it seemed churlish not to spend a bit of money to keep the lights on.

Anyway, I'm away to catch up with the thread.

Welcome friend!
Here are some other pre-July Blog early sources of doubt:
http://www.tentonhammer.com/columns/star-citizen-s-2-500-ship-of-dreams
http://www.tentonhammer.com/articles/star-citizen-s-feature-creep-forever-forgetting-its-freelancer-roots

Beexoffel
Oct 4, 2015

Herald of the Stimpire

Agony Aunt posted:

Well, its an exploration ship. Surely they wouldn't sell a concept ship that doesn't exist for a feature that doesn't exist....

Oh, right. Silly me.

Beet Wagon posted:

They haven't sold it as far as I'm aware. In lore it's old, like one of the first consumer/commercial spacecraft made. I remember seeing a thread where backers were talking about "If RSI released an updated, upgraded version would you buy one?" but CIG has yet to capitalize on that.

Then I guess that they simply forgot they had this picture made.

Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Oh my, that one makes it sound like Goons are to blame for SC getting so much money.

Suppose its understandable when fuckwits like Beet and Sarsa keep buying back in. :redass:

The comments are golden though, like this one from 4 years ago:

quote:

Word to the Editor - For the Freelancer fans, SC will offer the ability for users to host their own private servers, that will offer a co-op experience, in a persistent world, with just their friends, and it will support mods.

That will likely come later though. There focus in on the Single Player and persistent universe getting released on time.

Yes, getting released on time, and then they will make it moddable and allow private server... really.

quote:

With the pvp slider and heavy instancing, this is not comparable to Eve.

Ah, remember the PvP slider? RIP.

Dementropy
Aug 23, 2010



Twinfinite: Star Citizen Tutorial Videos Show How to Play as Crowdfunding Passes 219 Million Dollars

Giuseppe Nelva posted:

With the release of Star Citizen Alpha 3.5 around the corner, Cloud Imperium Games is looking into teaching the trade to more aspiring space pilots.

Today they released an extensive sequence of tutorials covering the basics of the game, from your typical “getting started” all the way to dogfights and FPS combat, passing through flight and quantum travel.

If you want to learn some pointers, or if you’re curious to see what Star Citizen is all about, you can watch all the tutorials at the bottom of the post.

In other Star Citizen news, the crowdfunding campaign for the game has passed another milestone. It’s now beyond 219 million dollars, sitting comfortably on $219,119,469 with 2,253,885 registered users at the moment of this writing.

If you want to see more of Star Citizen, you can also check out more videos about Alpha 3.5 and the new flight model, another clip showing off more of the upcoming update, the Argo SRV search and rescue ship, another recent video showing more of ArcCorp, and one showcasing the female characters that will also come in 3.5.

For the sake of full disclosure, do keep in mind that the author of this article backed the game during its first Kickstarer campaign.

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





Jobbo_Fett posted:

STEP ASIDE BEET WE GOT A NEW COCKROACH KING IN TOWN!

Oh thank god I can finally die

Beet Wagon
Oct 19, 2015





Agony Aunt posted:

Suppose its understandable when fuckwits like Beet and Sarsa keep buying back in. :redass:

Look, you can doxx me, you can threaten to kill me, you can follow me around the internet posting insane conspiracy theories at me...




























... but do not accuse me of buying back into this shitshow lol

e: actually, also please don't do any of that other stuff, tbh

Beet Wagon fucked around with this message at 16:17 on Mar 7, 2019

Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Beet Wagon posted:

Look, you can doxx me, you can threaten to kill me, you can follow me around the internet posting insane conspiracy theories at me...

Excellent!

Hope i didn't miss reading anything important.

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Agony Aunt
Apr 17, 2018

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

How to play SC in one simple image.

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