|
Jim convinces Dwight that beets are a figment of his imagination, And his family farm was the remnant of a large human-trafficking operation.
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 14:20
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 02:10 |
|
|
-Jim wears springy eyeball glasses to work and makes faces at Dwight from across the desk. Dwight at first dismisses Jim's childish behavior, but after several minutes of Jim's leering he gets fed up and stomps around to Jim's side of the desk. "Take those off right now!" he demands, swiping the novelty glasses off Jim's face. He looks down. The frames are empty. He looks over at Jim. Jim's eyeballs dangle comically from his eyesockets. Jim has actually popped them out of their sockets. Dwight screams and stumbles backward over a trashcan onto the floor. Jim mugs a blank wall where he thinks the camera is.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:10
|
|
|
Jim and Karen put catshit on Dwight's phone and call him. Pam, jealous at being left out murders Karen and buries her on Dwight's beet farm. Jim makes a face when the FBI arrest Dwight at his desk.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:14
|
|
|
Jim spikes Dwight's coffee with 3cc of liquid LSD, but nobody notices anything out of the ordinary.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:19
|
|
|
Jim tells Dwight he's created a robot that can sell paper better than any human salesman. In walks what looks like a person wearing a bunch of cardboard boxes covered in tin foil. Dwight, angry at what looks like a childish prank, rips the cardboard head off the "robot", expecting a human to be underneath. Instead, he exposes a bundle of wires and hoses, one of which begins spraying oil like a sliced artery. Dwight looks at the carboard robot head in his hands, realizing that it's actually a super advanced robot. The head begins screaming "INITIATE SELF DESTRUCT MODE" as Dwight starts yelling in shock and terror.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:28
|
|
|
Jim just straight up fucks a beet
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:32
|
|
|
A Fancy Hat posted:Jim tells Dwight he's created a robot that can sell paper better than any human salesman.  - Jim speaks furtively into his phone and avoids Dwight's gaze. He scribbles something on a scrap of paper and leaves, but the paper falls to the ground. Dwight recovers the slip, which only have a phone number and the words Paper 2.0. Dwight is led to believe that Jim will take a shipment of new, high-tech Paper and aims to become the best salesman in the region. Dwight frantically tries to sell his clients on paper2.0 (Paper 2.0 can be regular cardstock, paper with a ram module clipped to it, or just have digital looking lines etched in pencil)
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:37
|
|
|
FilthyImp posted:(Paper 2.0 can be regular cardstock, paper with a ram module clipped to it, or just have digital looking lines etched in pencil) Paper 2.0 is just paper that Jim smeared his own poo poo on the margins. Dwight leaves the factory screaming "It's poo poo! Paper 2.0 is shiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!" Then Dwight gets shot 97 times by three police officers. (The total number of rounds fired was 982 over 2 minutes) Who What Now fucked around with this message at 15:46 on Mar 19, 2019 |
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:41
|
|
|
Jim replaces Dwight's phone with a clay phone. When Dwight touches it, his hand suddenly starts to turn into clay. Dwight realizes what is happening and throws down the phone in horror, but the clay effect is spreading up his arm. Soon his torso is turning into clay, his clothes, his legs, his other arm... he's screaming and screaming as the transformation crawls up his neck and begins to overtake his face. His screams become muffled as his head is finally transformed into clay. The last thing to go are his eyes, which roll wildly in their clay sockets before they, too, become clay. The transformation doesn't stop at Dwight. The carpet under Dwight's feet begins to transform, spreading out in expanding circles from where his shoes touch the ground. It creeps over the furniture and up the walls. The others try to flee, but it's too late. Wherever the clay touches them becomes a seed point for the transformation. Soon they are all consumed. Jim is the last to be transformed, he laughs as his body turns into clay from the bottom up. He mugs the camera just as his face becomes immobilized in clay. Dunder Mifflin is still now. Quiet. The camera pulls back and away and you see the entire office is just a diorama in a shoebox on a child's desk at school. The project title is written on a carboard display behind the diorama. "My Paper Company by Michael Scott"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:46
|
|
|
Dwight eats Michael's poo poo out of a bowl. This isn't a prank, Dwight is just a fascist that literally loves everything that his superiors produce.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:48
|
|
|
Who What Now posted:Dwight eats Michael's poo poo out of a bowl. "Dwight, this is a court order. It says you can't eat poo poo anymore!"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:51
|
|
|
Jim pulls out his bimbofication ray and aims it at Dwight
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:52
|
|
|
Jim starts pranking Michael. Michael actually enjoys it because he gets attention and he can spend time with Jim. Jim likes it because now that the boss thinks they're besties, he's loving bulletproof. Jim starts coming to work unshaven, late, in jeans, etc. He spends all his non-pranking time sleeping through the day and farting around. Michael eventually promotes him further and stops talking to Dwight altogether. Dwight uses beets to make ricin and poisons the whole office, including himself. Ryan survives.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 15:52
|
|
|
Jim pushes all the clocks forward 3 hours, so Dwight thinks it's later than it is. At "5 pm" Dwight gets ready to leave the office, but first he takes his regular 5 pm insulin shot. However, since it's actually 2 pm, Dwight overdoses on insulin and passes out from the low blood sugar. Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight starts his 2nd seizure.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 16:01
|
|
|
Jim finds Dwight and Pam having sex in his car. Pam claims she was doing it as a prank on Dwight and Jim is all like "Haha, yeah... get punked on Dwight, haha..."
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 16:06
|
|
|
Jim gifts Dwight with an antique camera he obtained at an odd curio shop. Every time a photo is taken, a small demon is visible in the polaroid picture. With each picture taken, it gets closer. Horrified but unable to control his curiosity, Dwight compulsively snaps more and more photos around the office. Terrified at the prospect of the demon escaping, Dwight looks for Jim so he can give the camera back, but Jim is no where to be found. Dwight tries to go to the curio shop that Jim mentioned, but it's just an empty lot with no signs of a building ever being there. He throws the camera in a pit and flees back to his farm, only to find it waiting for him on his porch. He smashes it to bits and buries it in a pit, then locks his door and goes to sleep. He awakens in the middle of the night. His feet are caked with mud and he's holding the reassembled camera, his fingers snapping pictures while his mind is totally unaware. He knows it's too late now, with the last flurry of photos, the evil demon tears through the photo and into our reality, biting Dwight in the throat and savagely killing him. As his corpse falls to the ground, he unwittingly clicks off one last photo. It ejects from the camera and flutters down, landing on his bloody remains. Jim is in the picture, smirking.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 16:55
|
|
|
Jim waits for Dwight to leave one night, and assaults him in the parking lot, forcibly raping his rear end in a top hat whilst screaming "YOURE NOT SO TOUGH ARE YOU DWIGHT!!"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 17:03
|
|
|
Jim invites Dwight over for a play date with their kids. Over the course of the day, Dwight notices that both children share an identical birthmark. He also notices that his spawn has grown fond of playing tricks on Dwight, then looks out to an imaginary viewer with a wry look on their face. He concludes that Jim and his child's presence is having an adverse affect on Philip. At the office, Jim is howling with laughter at his recent prank. Dwight notices the same birthmark on Jim. He accosts Jim in the kitchen to find out why his own child bears the mark. Jim gets gravely serious, asking Dwight to consider the plight of the noble cuckoo. He reveals that his connections in the Paper Industry at Stamford provided him the opportunity to befriend a university researcher who used CRISPR gene-editing in his research. It was a simple matter of getting enough of Jim's viral payload to rewrite Dwight's gametes, ensuring that any progeny sired by Dwight would be, in fact, Jim's genetic heir. Jim walks to the fridge and pulls out a small vial, hidden in a box of Arby's takeout. "More creamer for your coffee, Dwight? You never did look into the name I took when I started working here, did you? For all your love of old-world names and languages, you never realized...In Hebrew the meaning of the name Jim is: Supplanter"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 17:23
|
|
|
Dwight and Angela are happily married and raising their child for years, when Dwight begins to notice something odd about their son - he looks a lot like a younger version of Jim. As the boy ages it becomes obvious, once he's 12 years old Dwight recognizes he looks exactly like a photo of a young Jim that he once saw. Enraged and confused, he heads to Jim and Pam's house, only to discover it's burnt down years ago. Researching what happens, he discovers that Jim murdered his children in cold blood, then killed himself. Pam was committed to a mental institution after that night, where she still resides. Dwight spends the weekend venturing to the mental institution, leaving Angela and their son alone. He manages to find the place and a doctor allows him to speak to Pam, warning him that she "can be disturbing to visitors and new employees." Pam has drawn over the walls of her room, making it look like the old Dunder Mifflin office. When the orderly open the door, she answers "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." Although now in her 50s and ravaged by time and poor hygiene due to deteriorating mental state, Dwight still sees a light in her eyes that reminds him of the past. It distracts him for a moment, and he almost doesn't realize she's missing both her arms. "Jim told me to chew them off, isn't that funny? What a good prank! Hey Dwight, have you seen Andy around? I need to give him a note from Erin." Dwight realizes immediately that this is pointless, Pam has been utterly broken by her life with Jim and will offer no information that he couldn't find elsewhere. But he desperately asks one question - why did Jim do it? "Oh Dwight, you still don't understand what he is, do you? Why do you think he played all those pranks on you? Why do you think we got married at Niagara Falls? What do you think was buried there, millions of years ago, that still called out to him? Did you ever look at his screen at work? What he was typing? When he showed me that I understood, the kids understood, too. That's why they had to die! That's why he left me here, to be his herald!" Dwight, disturbed on a level he can't understand, drives all night to return home. He's exhausted but craves the affection of his wife and child. They'll go see a doctor tomorrow, best to let the dead stay dead. Dwight arrives at the farm and notices all the lights are out. Everyone must be asleep, he thinks to himself. He reaches for the doorknob, only to pull his hand back when he feels a cold, slimy substance. Jello? Who would put jello around the doorknob?
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 17:48
|
|
|
Jim creates a Twitter account called "Dwight Shrute Facts," posting things like "I own a carrot farm" and "Battlestar Galactica is a terrible reboot." He shows the account to Dwight. Hilarity ensues.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 17:59
|
|
|
Jim arrives to work earlier than normal, and hides under Dwight's desk, presses his finger to his lips and mouths 'shh' to the camera. Dwight arrives promptly, takes his seat and powers on his computer. Jim quietly and carefully ties Dwight's shoelaces together, then reveals to the camera a tin bottle of lighter fluid which he uses to douse Dwight's shoes and pants. Three months later, the crack of the gavel fills the courtroom. "The court finds the defendant John Krasinski guilty on three counts of murder in the 1st degree, for the heinous crime of replacing prop fluid with igniteable fluid - a cruel and senseless act that led to three castmembers losing their lives"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:00
|
|
|
A Fancy Hat posted:She smiles and Dwight sees that her teeth are filed down to sharp points. She points and the kids open their mouths to show they also have the filed down cannibal teeth. They start to run for the front door, screaming and laughing. A Fancy Hat posted:Instead, he exposes a bundle of wires and hoses, one of which begins spraying oil like a sliced artery. Dwight looks at the carboard robot head in his hands, realizing that it's actually a super advanced robot. Applewhite posted:Jim is the last to be transformed, he laughs as his body turns into clay from the bottom up. He mugs the camera just as his face becomes immobilized in clay. Tato posted:As his corpse falls to the ground, he unwittingly clicks off one last photo. It ejects from the camera and flutters down, landing on his bloody remains. FilthyImp posted:Jim gets gravely serious, asking Dwight to consider the plight of the noble cuckoo. A Fancy Hat posted:He reaches for the doorknob, only to pull his hand back when he feels a cold, slimy substance. Jello? Who would put jello around the doorknob? Cubone fucked around with this message at 18:17 on Mar 19, 2019 |
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:11
|
|
|
A Fancy Hat posted:Dwight arrives at the farm and notices all the lights are out. Everyone must be asleep, he thinks to himself. He reaches for the doorknob, only to pull his hand back when he feels a cold, slimy substance. Jello? Who would put jello around the doorknob? you try to open the door but there's too much jello on the knob
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:20
|
|
|
Jim constructs a fake time portal and convinces Dwight that he has been sent back in time to 18th century England, where he is about to be pressed into a lifetime of rum, sodomy, and the lash in the Royal Navy. Dwight's delight is cruelly shattered when his half-naked body is forcibly ejected from the USS Constitution into a pile of pig poo poo, in clear view of Angela.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:23
|
|
|
Dwight keeps getting headaches which are getting worse and worse. He takes off work early to relax at home and puts on the movie "A Quiet Place." He realizes that the actor, John Krasinski, looks a lot like Jim. He looks on the internet movie database and discovers that Krasinki played a character named "Jim Halpert" on a TV show called the Office. Scared, Dwight keeps reading and realizing that his entire life has been fictionalized on a TV show. His headaches get worse as he feels the walls of reality begin to slip. How hadn't he recognized Steve Carell? Did he just think Michael look a lot like him? How did nobody ever comment on that? Dwight starts to hear church bells in the distance, growing louder. He realizes now that his house is sparesly furnished and that everything is just a prop. He goes to turn on the TV but it doesn't work, and when he turns around he sees that an entire wall is missing, open into a darkened studio. He's inside a huge studio lot and it's silent except for those bells getting louder and louder. "Oh Dwight, I never wanted you to find out like this..." Jim or John, Dwight isn't sure what to call him yet, is sitting in a director's chair. "You can call me either name, or both, or none at all. I've gone by so many names they no longer have any meaning to me." Dwight, terrified, convinces himself he's in a bad dream. He tries to will himself awake. But like before, Jim seems to have read his mind. "Are you Dwight or are you Rainn Wilson? It's hard to remember, isn't it? You know, I had a bad dream once. When I woke up I had created this Universe, and then They locked me away when they saw the monstrous thing I had built. Can you blame Them?" Dwight begs Jim to end this prank, to just kill him or let him wake up or anything at all. Just stop it. "Oh Rainn, haven't you heard? They're doing a reunion season. Everybody's very excited to see what Dwight's been up to. Do you want to help me write the ending? I was thinking that I put your stapler in jello for old time's sake." Dwight is crying now, unable to comprehend what's happening. Jim has moved over and now stands over Dwight, somehow standing at least 20 feet tall. His limbs are thin and elongated, and his eyes are black pits with flames burning deep within them. His voice is now 100 voices, each screaming over the other ones, trying to be heard. His hot breath falls on Dwight/Rainn and smells of sulfur. "Maybe this time Andy won't be so loving ANNOYING!!!!!"
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:26
|
|
|
Dwight is returning from the break room with a coffee cup in one hand and a stack of papers under his arm. Jim mugs for the camera as he sticks out his leg. Dwight cries out in surprise as he goes tumbling down, his forms go flying in the air and his coffee mug crashes and shatters against the floor.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:31
|
|
|
Jim points out to Dwight that his coffee mug is a very rare, very expensive "left-handed" coffee mug. Dwight convinces himself that the mug is worth millions, and attempts to sell it on e-bay in order to finance his dream of creating a Shrute Farms B&B franchise.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 18:45
|
|
|
Jim just poops and poops and poops and poops and poops and it just takes over the whole office and everyone dies and Jim still smiles at the loving camera Iike a dipshit as he chokes and drowns in the elephantine mounds produced by his evershitting rear end in a top hat.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 19:59
|
|
|
It is said in the third year of the reign of the Taizong Emperor, that an obscure bureaucrat, Shude, from a southern commandery was dispatched on an errand to the court. His business was urgent. As his litter approached the southern gate did Shude see an unwelcome sight, the young trickster Ji Ma on the side of the road waving them down. Shude weary of Ji Ma's tricks reluctantly ordered his litter to stop. "Why do you stop me Ji Ma? My business is urgent and I dare not make the court wait!" said Shude. "I have completed my discourses on The Analects. Would you like to hear a few choice selections?" said Ji Ma. "Only one I have time for." said Shude. At once Ji Ma began his lecture on The Analects. His speech was clear as mountain pools and his insight as refreshing as one hundred spring blossoms. Shude undid his robe and huffed for he would now be late.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 21:51
|
|
|
Jim convinces Dwight to go on a survivalist adventure in Brazil but actually has Dwight drugged and their testicles are swapped in a back-alley medical procedure. Years later, Dwight's several children all look like Jim and give synchronized, smarmy looks to the camera during a "bring your child to work" day.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 22:09
|
|
|
Jim murders Pam and makes Dwight the top suspect
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 22:28
|
|
|
-Jim looks up "jelqing" on Dwight's computer and then reports it to Michael; Michael proceeds to get interested and jelq regularly. Over the course of six weeks, Michael makes references to his growing girth and length to Dwight, who thinks he is talking about the monetary growth of the company. Awkwardness ensues when he asks to see the growth charts and Michael exposes himself.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 22:44
|
|
|
FilthyImp posted:Jim invites Dwight over for a play date with their kids. Arby's doesn't come in a box!!!
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 22:46
|
|
|
"You're going to murder Todd Packer for me, Dwight. Or so help me, I'll tell them all...." "Please, Jim. Please don't. Stanley can't know." Jim shoves the rifle in Dwight's trembling hands. "You know what to do. Become who you were born to be."
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 22:50
|
|
|
Jim drugs Dwight and has the world's first bilateral face transplant performed on them both, then hides Dwight's phone in the women's toilets.
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 23:19
|
|
|
did anyone say suck his dick?
|
|
#
?
Mar 19, 2019 23:55
|
|
|
Hardawn posted:did anyone say suck his dick? nah i think you're the first, bro 
|
|
#
?
Mar 20, 2019 00:11
|
|
|
cool, 
|
|
#
?
Mar 20, 2019 00:12
|
|
|
Jim sucks Dwight's dick to orgasm and swallows his ejaculate "drat Dwight, your cum tastes terrible." "Haha, I know" Dwight turns red as he realizes what he admitted. Jim smirks at the camera and wipes his chin.
|
|
#
?
Mar 20, 2019 00:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 29, 2024 02:10 |
|
|
Jim puts Dwight's phone in Jello. Attached to the phone are razors which pierce Dwight's skin as he angrily plunges his hand into the Jello to retrieve his ringing phone. Jim tells Dwight they are coated in poison dart frog venom. It's actually cum. They're coated in cum.
|
|
#
?
Mar 20, 2019 00:29
|
|
