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Hardawn posted:did anyone say suck his dick? 
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Mar 20, 2019 00:30
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Jim gives Dwight a hot shot
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Mar 20, 2019 00:34
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Jim calls Dwight a human being over and over again until Dwight starts to cry. This is not a prank.
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Mar 20, 2019 00:37
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Jim goes to jail for anti-gay hate crimes.
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Mar 20, 2019 00:37
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Who What Now posted:Jim calls Dwight a human being over and over again until Dwight starts to cry. This is not a prank. and then jim sucks his dick
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Mar 20, 2019 00:38
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Jim tricks Dwight into sleeping with Pam while he watches from a closet
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Mar 20, 2019 01:03
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Dwight wakes up in the middle of a giant cornfield for the 5th morning in a row. He doesn't know how, and he doesn't know why, but he is certain Jim is behind this. In the nearby barn, Jim starts up the thresher.
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Mar 20, 2019 01:49
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- Jim steals Dwight’s juice from the breakroom fridge and drinks it right in front of Dwight. Pam offers Dwight her juice but it’s actually just diarrhea in a Capri-Sun squeeze bag.
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Mar 20, 2019 02:39
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Jim changes everything in the office so it becomes an episode of peep show
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Mar 20, 2019 03:27
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This was related to me by Ibn Battuta who travelled the world including Egypt. He learned of the story of Dwayt al-Shrood, an Egyptian who lived in the town of Al-Skrantaan which was famed for its paper. Dwayt al-Shrood was a paper merchant and a haughty man who falsely claimed he was of the Prophet's (peace be upon him) line, a Qurayshi. This made him the object of great sport for another such merchant named Jim al-Halburdi. Here is one such event: Dwayt was in his home praying the evening prayer when a figure in white appeared behind him. The figure's face was hidden by a veil. It spoke, "O'Dwayt! I am the angel Gabriel and I have come to reveal the final words of Allah's message!" Dwayt was no fool and said, "This is some trickery! Muhammad, peace be upon him, was the last prophet and Allah's final words the Qu'ran. Reveal yourself Jim before I pull your veil from your face!" The figure stood pat and said, "O'Dwayt do you not trust the words of Allah when you hear them? Muhammad was his prophet but are you not descendent from him? Allah fashioned the mountains which have roots in the earth, who created man and djinn, can he not do or undo what He pleases? O'Dwayt only a Qurayshi may deliver these final words." Dwayt was unmoved, "Fine words O'Angel but if you are truly from Allah then you should know his words, lest you truly be Jim. Recite all the words God spoke without error and then I will listen." The figure began reciting verse by verse the Qu'ran in its entirety. For two days and two nights the figure recited the holy words until the third night the figure finished. "You truly are from God!" Dwayt exclaimed. He threw himself to his knees and wept. "What shall I do?" The angel replied, "Gather the townsfolk three days from now and take them to the well at noon. In the well you shall see Allah's message for you and mankind written inside." With that the candle blew out and darkness fell upon them. Dwayt lit his candle and the Angel was gone. Dwayt the next morning went forth and spoke to the townsfolk. They were sceptical of the haughty Dwayt but were curious to see what foolishness this might be, so all agreed to gather at the well at the appointed hour. So the days passed until the noon of the third day and all had gathered at the well including Jim. Dwayt spoke, "Three days ago an Angel spoke to me and said, O'Dwayt, descendant of the Prophet, peace be upon him, I have given you a message for all mankind. Go to the well with the townsfolk in three days time for I will have a message written in the well for all. Now is this time." Dwayt took a torch and peeked deep into the well. Dwayt screamed and raged in the well. "Nobody may look in the well!" He commanded. "But what is the message?" Asked Jim. "Indeed by Allah tell us O'Qurayshi!" said the townsfolk. "It is a prank by a prankster, Jim!" cried Dwayt. "Look away!" Jim said, "Do you mean to say God did not speak to you and you were fooled, or has God written a truth that you are ashamed of? Come let us see Allah's message." Dwayt did not answer for shame and anger and walked away to his house where he did not emerge for seven days and seven nights. So all the town's people from the very young to the very old, rich to poor, women and men, beggars, servants, and merchants all lined up, and peeked into the well to read Allah's message to mankind written in the well of al-Skrantaan: Dwayt al-Shrood is a sodomite. Testikles fucked around with this message at 03:42 on Mar 20, 2019 |
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Mar 20, 2019 03:38
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Jim pulls an "OldBoy" on Dwight
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Mar 20, 2019 03:41
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Bogus Adventure posted:Jim pulls an "OldBoy" on Dwight He fights two dozen Dwights with a hammer in a long hallway?
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Mar 20, 2019 03:43
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Who What Now posted:He fights two dozen Dwights with a hammer in a long hallway? He locks Dwight in a room for years and tricks him into loving his daughter. 
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Mar 20, 2019 04:08
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Tim begins to refer to Gareth exclusively as 'autistic pirate'. E: oops, wrong thread
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Mar 20, 2019 04:22
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Bogus Adventure posted:He locks Dwight in a room for years and tricks him into loving his daughter.
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Mar 20, 2019 05:07
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CJacobs posted:Dwight wakes up in the middle of a giant cornfield for the 5th morning in a row. He doesn't know how, and he doesn't know why, but he is certain Jim is behind this. In the nearby barn, Jim starts up the thresher. This sounds more like a Mose prank. 
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Mar 20, 2019 05:51
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- Jim knocks Dwight's fedora askew. When Dwight straightens it, the hat suddenly explodes. Jim secretly had Gambit's powers the entire time.
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Mar 20, 2019 07:31
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- Jim sells his soul to the Devil in exchange for giving Dwight tinnitus.
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Mar 20, 2019 07:34
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jim tricks dwight into calling a picture of an old nazi "ugly" when in fact it was a holocaust victim
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Mar 20, 2019 07:53
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Jim disguises himself as a toilet in the men's room. Dwight goes in and uses Toilet Jim to take a massive dump. Once Dwight is finished, Jim jumps up and shouts, "Surprise! It was me, all along!!!"
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Mar 20, 2019 08:24
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- Jim locks himself in Dwight’s car and refuses to leave. He has several days’ worth of food and water as well as a portable chemical toilet. It is a long and bitter siege.
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Mar 20, 2019 08:41
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- Jim leaves a box unattended on his desk. The box is clearly labeled “do not open under any circumstances. This means you, Dwight!” After several hours, Dwight can no longer contain his curiosity and opens the box. A torrent of horrors pours out, covering the world with evil and darkness. The last thing left at the bottom of the box is Jim’s smirking face.
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Mar 20, 2019 08:50
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Jim has a childhood fling with Angela, but dies when he goes to visit her during a storm despite having a cold. Years later at a dinner party, Angela hears a song that reminds her of Jim. That evening she tells the whole story to Dwight and then cries herself to sleep. Dwight is humbled and muses about his own meagre role in not only her life, but the world itself as he watches the snow fall throughout Scranton.
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Mar 20, 2019 12:00
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Dwight gets into work early with the intent of pranking Jim for once. When he gets to Dunder Mifflin, there's no building, just an empty lot. Confused, he tries calling security but nobody answers the phone. Suddenly he hears a rumbling sound and the ground starts to shake. Dunder Mifflin starts to slowly rise out of the ground. Dwight stares in shock and feels a hand clap his back. He turns around - it's Jim. "It gets more beautiful every morning, Dwight."
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Mar 20, 2019 12:17
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Testikles posted:This was related to me by Ibn Battuta who travelled the world including Egypt. He learned of the story of Dwayt al-Shrood, an Egyptian who lived in the town of Al-Skrantaan which was famed for its paper. Dwayt al-Shrood was a paper merchant and a haughty man who falsely claimed he was of the Prophet's (peace be upon him) line, a Qurayshi. This made him the object of great sport for another such merchant named Jim al-Halburdi. Here is one such event: This is pretty good  We've struck the correct balance here between well written short stories and low effort 'Jim sucks Dwight's dick.' About 1:1.618 I reckon
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Mar 20, 2019 12:54
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JIm brings Dwight a box of chocolate covered cherries to apologize for the years of pranks. Dwight, convinced it's a trick, smashes one with a hammer. Just a chocolate covered cherry. Dwight smashes one more to be safe. Again, just a chocolate covered cherry. He eats the 3rd one and the second he bites down, Stanley is chopped in half by an unseen force. "You got the Stanley one, Dwight. Too bad you smashed the Pam and Gabe ones before you figured it out." Dwight glances over his shoulder and sees a pool of blood oozing out from behind the Pam's desk.
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Mar 20, 2019 13:16
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The Lobotomy Kid posted:Jim has a childhood fling with Angela, but dies when he goes to visit her during a storm despite having a cold. Years later at a dinner party, Angela hears a song that reminds her of Jim. You took me by the hand Made me a man that one night You made everything all right...
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Mar 20, 2019 13:47
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Jim hits Dwight in the back with a folding chair.
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Mar 20, 2019 13:51
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Jim rubs his rear end on Dwights face but jokes on him because Dwight is an asseater
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Mar 20, 2019 14:04
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Testikles posted:This was related to me by Ibn Battuta who travelled the world including Egypt. He learned of the story of Dwayt al-Shrood, an Egyptian who lived in the town of Al-Skrantaan which was famed for its paper. The Lobotomy Kid posted:Jim has a childhood fling with Angela, but dies when he goes to visit her during a storm despite having a cold. Goddamn, what beauties.
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Mar 20, 2019 14:43
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- Jim eats a lot of bad smelling fish and garlic, then burps in Dwight's face on purpose.
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Mar 20, 2019 16:52
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Jim's weiner swells up to the size of sleeping bag and he chases Dwight around a Chuck E. Cheese with it in a wheel barrel
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Mar 20, 2019 17:47
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Jim hides the head of Dwight's bobblehead in his rear end in a top hat.
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Mar 20, 2019 17:51
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Dwight wakes up in a daze, his head cloudy and unfocused. As he slowly regains his senses he first notices a dull, throbbing ache around his entire body. Next, a heavy weight on his shoulders. Finally, his vision clears. But what he sees makes no sense. Dwight appears to be sitting in the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton office, but it is filthy and dilapidated, obviously abandoned for years, if not decades. His desk was cracked and broken, and disturbingly his mouse was covered in upright razor blades and every key of his keyboard had a thumb tack glued to it. Dwight brings his hands up to his face, but they touch something cold, rough, and metallic. It is a rusty bear trap, tightly strapped to his head and shoulders. "Dwight Schrute" booms a deep and distorted voice from a crackling PA speaker. "You have dedicated your life to your job. It is much an addiction as it is an employment. You have squandered your potential here, sacrificed time and relationships all in the name of chasing sales. Meaningless. Worthless. But I am a man who believes... In second chances." "Jim?!" Dwight screams, his voice shaking in terror, "Jim?! I- I know it's you, this isn't funny!" Dwight's computer monitor flashes to life, and beneath the dust and grime Dwight can see a blurry face. No, not a face he realizes as he peers closer. It is a puppet, it's wooden head carved into a broken and twisted exaggeration of Jim Halpert's. "Dwight Schrute. Would you like to make a sale?"
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Mar 20, 2019 17:55
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Jim hits Dwight with a snow plow, shearing him off at the hips.
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Mar 20, 2019 17:59
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Myron Baloney posted:Jim hits Dwight with a snow plow, shearing him off at the hips. I don't know why, but this is the one that got me. 
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Mar 20, 2019 18:30
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Dwight uses a vacation day and Jim hides in his bushes to watch what he does. Noticing that Dwight is playing Majora's Mask on an emulator, Jim gets to work. When Dwight wakes up the next day he turns on the news and sees that every channel is filled with breaking news about the moon falling out of orbit. It's going to hit the Earth in 72 hours and destroy life as we know it, and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Dwight runs outside and looks in the sky, seeing Jim's smug face carved into the moon. Dawn of the First Day.
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Mar 20, 2019 18:46
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The office is cold and dark. Everyone files in, dressed in hues of black and charcoal, tears stained on their faces. They each take their seats, but one remains empty. A picture of Stanley is on his desk, flowers heaped behind it. *Cutaway to Creed* 'It was just bad luck. His heart and all. If Stanley had stopped for his morning donut, he wouldn't have realized he didn't have his briefcase until he got to the parking lot here. But he did realize... and when he got home... well, his daughter always did have a thing for Ryan. . .' Jim, seated at his desk, pretends to take a call. "Dunder-Miffl-- Stanley? Yes. Yes it's true. We're all very-- uh, no. No, I don't know who's going to be assigned--" Jim places them on hold, leans over and whispers to Dwight "Wow, can you believe all these clients asking about Stanley's accounts. I mean, wow... all those clients... just waiting for someone to come pick them up. It's too bad no one can fill his shoes. Unless..." Jim slides a tin of shoe polish towards Dwight.
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Mar 20, 2019 20:49
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- Dwight moderates a legacy comedy forum. Jim spends hundreds of dollars registering new accounts in order to troll him.
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Mar 21, 2019 06:54
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Testikles posted:the story of Dwayt al-Shrood This is magnificent
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Mar 21, 2019 10:58
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