/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Play posted:

Generally pre-shredded cheese has preservatives included so that all that surface area doesn't cause parts of them to go bad. That's why cheese has a rind in the first place, or such is my understanding. Also, this may surprise you but quality cheese doesn't actually come pre-shredded.

Those preservatives are mostly wood pulp, which is just fiber. So arguably the shredded cheese is a little healthier for you than the same cheese in block form

# ? Mar 23, 2019 07:09

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# ? May 14, 2024 23:23

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

blugu64 posted:

Because the next largest bill is a $100?

lol okay now explain how that's relevant

# ? Mar 23, 2019 07:13

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

Motronic posted:

That plus keeping it from sticking together. And guess what is used for that? The same thing that makes up a lot of fast food burgers and other cheap processed "meat". Cellulose/wood fiber.

Is that supposed to gross me out? That does not gross me out.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 08:40

xtal: Jan 9, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

I've always heard that the additive that prevents clumping is just corn or potato starch?

edit: it is in fact cellulose

edit: but it is in fact good for you

xtal fucked around with this message at 08:53 on Mar 23, 2019

# ? Mar 23, 2019 08:49

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

Straight White Shark posted:

Really? Where was that sacred fraternal bond when the best man hosed him over by blowing up his wedding plans?

The groom's priorities are clear and he only has one option, call off the engagement and marry the best man.

I just had a thought. Dangerous, I know.

Did the FRIEND have the one night stand at the bachelor party? Sometimes those happen a week or two before the wedding instead of the night before, especially if there's travel involved. "Let's go to Vegas! Woooo!" and then FRIEND sticks his dick in some strange.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 08:54

b mad at me: Jan 25, 2017

Gaunab posted:

This thread is to post funny or interesting stories from r/relationships and discuss them. The previous thread was one of the many casualties of the previous GBS; hopefully this one does better.

Remember:

1) Don't touch the poop.

2) Try not to go on pages long derails about your superior sex life.

3) Don't talk about how cool your relationships or sex life is; no one cares.

4) Don't defend pedophilia. Just don't.

5) Don't post rape/abuse stories.

You forgot:

6) Be funny

Oh wait sorry that's not something you're capable of

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 23, 2019 08:55

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Love to reply to the op in a 4200+ page thread

# ? Mar 23, 2019 09:00

jobson groeth: May 17, 2018; by FactsAreUseless

CannonFodder posted:

I just had a thought. Dangerous, I know.

Did the FRIEND have the one night stand at the bachelor party? Sometimes those happen a week or two before the wedding instead of the night before, especially if there's travel involved. "Let's go to Vegas! Woooo!" and then FRIEND sticks his dick in some strange.

You should always have the bachelor party weeks before the wedding. You can make a weekend of it and you've got time to recover. Getting married still trashed from a bucks party is daft.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 09:02

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Wow. That account posts once a month and this is his contribution for March. I love it.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 09:04

Necros: Jul 23, 2003

yeah please dont derail the thread before we find out if leaning your head back and dumping fistfuls of shredded cheese into your mouth is gross or not.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 09:05

Liquid Communism: Mar 9, 2004

xtal posted:

I've always heard that the additive that prevents clumping is just corn or potato starch?

edit: it is in fact cellulose

edit: but it is in fact good for you

Yeah, it's just bonus fiber. Not great because it makes cheese melt unevenly, though.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 09:27

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

So what I'm getting here is that we all need to eat more trees?

# ? Mar 23, 2019 10:15

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Ghost Leviathan posted:

So what I'm getting here is that we all need to eat more trees?

I prefer to consume them in gummi form. I leave em on the dresser in my room so i always remember to take them every night.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 10:19

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Necros posted:

yeah please dont derail the thread before we find out if leaning your head back and dumping fistfuls of shredded cheese into your mouth is gross or not.

No, no, I want to see where b mad at me is going with this.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 10:55

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for not eating "home cooked" food at a pot luck?

So every month or so at work my colleagues will bring in their homemade food and everyone will eat and pat each other on the back about the various food. Now I usually come up with an excuse to get out of eating, but I will bring in cookies or drinks to "contribute", and it had worked up until today. My co-workers basically confronted me about how I never eat because I'm "too good for their food" and other ridiculous peer pressure tactics and wouldn't leave it alone. So I straight up told them something like, "I don't know how you live, you could have roaches. You could have pets that you pet then go back to cooking, and I've personally seen a few of you leave the bathroom without washing your hands. It's not just your food I don't eat anyone's food unless I know their sanitary standards." Then I proceeded to read the TSB on my laptop. I glanced up and everyone was staring at me like I just said the most offensive thing they've ever heard. So AITA?

# ? Mar 23, 2019 11:49

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

WIBTA if I left my SO while he is in prison?

A bit of context: I have been with my SO for 5 years. I am now 22 and he�s 25.

We got engaged last year. Around the same time, he got sent to prison for getting involved with drugs. He can�t afford a good lawyer, so his sentence ended up to be 10+ years. I was devastated but I knew that I wanted to support him. I told him that I�m going to be there for him no matter what and I�m not going anywhere

Things are changing now. I don�t look forward to speaking to him anymore, he asks for money all the time and I think I may be falling out of love with him. I�m close with his family, and his parents let me know almost daily how lucky he is that he has me. I know it�s going to hurt him and them if I break up with him. I feel extremely guilty about this

Would I be an rear end in a top hat if I end things with my SO?

# ? Mar 23, 2019 11:51

Barudak: May 7, 2007

No honey, you dont have to wait for your pedophile drug dealer to get out of jail to learn to love again, thats the 3rd act twist.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 11:54

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not eating "home cooked" food at a pot luck?

So every month or so at work my colleagues will bring in their homemade food and everyone will eat and pat each other on the back about the various food. Now I usually come up with an excuse to get out of eating, but I will bring in cookies or drinks to "contribute", and it had worked up until today. My co-workers basically confronted me about how I never eat because I'm "too good for their food" and other ridiculous peer pressure tactics and wouldn't leave it alone. So I straight up told them something like, "I don't know how you live, you could have roaches. You could have pets that you pet then go back to cooking, and I've personally seen a few of you leave the bathroom without washing your hands. It's not just your food I don't eat anyone's food unless I know their sanitary standards." Then I proceeded to read the TSB on my laptop. I glanced up and everyone was staring at me like I just said the most offensive thing they've ever heard. So AITA?

Lmao. "You filthy pigs, I won't eat your poo poo"

They're filthy pigs though.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 12:32

hot cocoa on the couch: Dec 8, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not eating "home cooked" food at a pot luck?

So every month or so at work my colleagues will bring in their homemade food and everyone will eat and pat each other on the back about the various food. Now I usually come up with an excuse to get out of eating, but I will bring in cookies or drinks to "contribute", and it had worked up until today. My co-workers basically confronted me about how I never eat because I'm "too good for their food" and other ridiculous peer pressure tactics and wouldn't leave it alone. So I straight up told them something like, "I don't know how you live, you could have roaches. You could have pets that you pet then go back to cooking, and I've personally seen a few of you leave the bathroom without washing your hands. It's not just your food I don't eat anyone's food unless I know their sanitary standards." Then I proceeded to read the TSB on my laptop. I glanced up and everyone was staring at me like I just said the most offensive thing they've ever heard. So AITA?

lol. �I told all my coworkers I assume they�re loving disgusting and then ignored them. AITA?�

# ? Mar 23, 2019 12:48

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

AITA for not being being grateful to meet my gf's sock friend?
Let's get the mystery part out of the way first and foremost. My gf's sock friend is a guy who buys my gfs socks and sometimes shoes for the sole purpose of covering them with special sauce. I knew about the guy early on in the relationship and while I didn't care much for it, she needed the money, they have a long history and I really liked her so I kinda pushed it to the side.

Fast forward almost eight months and I unknowingly (at first) meet the guy face to face. My gf and I live in Texas but we're out in LA for the LA marathon we stupidly decided to run together and, after a mutual decision to stay in and drink as opposed to going out, this guy shows up at our place. That part wasn't a surprise, but I am pretty stupid and it took me awhile to connect the dots and realize the only Doug my gf knew was the Doug that did questionable things to her footwear.

Now for some back story. I questioned her recently about this relationship and her stance is that, even if she didn't need the money, she would still send Doug her socks and shoes to do with as he pleased. Well, tonight, after I realized who Doug was, I was not the most chipper and happy host, which led to an argument later in the evening, at which point my gf stated very explicitly and almost word for word, that I should be grateful I am allowed to meet the people most important to her (they have a ~10 yr relationship and are apparently good friends ourside of the sock thing).

Tbh, we're on the verge of a breakup at this point and I really don't think I'd mind. I've put a lot of time, effort, personal change and money into this relationship with her and her children and if she's still choosing sock guy over me, well, wtf. AITA for thinking about ending it because she values another guy's orgasm over me?

Yeah, plenty of biases here. And I told the story from my perspective and painted myself in the best light. Still though, lemme have it!

Power Khan fucked around with this message at 13:11 on Mar 23, 2019

# ? Mar 23, 2019 12:54

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

Play posted:

I think they should just act like loving adults and do the loving wedding without bringing their dumbass high school drama into it. How bout that

"why don't these people just act like adults?" i say on page 4,278 of the relationship drama thread

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:09

Porfiriato: Jan 4, 2016

Imagine how turned on that weirdo probably gets from socks she ran a marathon in.

On second thought, don't

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:11

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

they also call guys who pretend to be rich splenda daddies

ok this is actually pretty good, also made me think of this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ft3QO3lYH0I

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:14

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Power Khan posted:

AITA for not being being grateful to meet my gf's sock friend?
Let's get the mystery part out of the way first and foremost. My gf's sock friend is a guy who buys my gfs socks and sometimes shoes for the sole purpose of covering them with special sauce. I knew about the guy early on in the relationship and while I didn't care much for it, she needed the money, they have a long history and I really liked her so I kinda pushed it to the side.

Fast forward almost eight months and I unknowingly (at first) meet the guy face to face. My gf and I live in Texas but we're out in LA for the LA marathon we stupidly decided to run together and, after a mutual decision to stay in and drink as opposed to going out, this guy shows up at our place. That part wasn't a surprise, but I am pretty stupid and it took me awhile to connect the dots and realize the only Doug my gf knew was the Doug that did questionable things to her footwear.

Now for some back story. I questioned her recently about this relationship and her stance is that, even if she didn't need the money, she would still send Doug her socks and shoes to do with as he pleased. Well, tonight, after I realized who Doug was, I was not the most chipper and happy host, which led to an argument later in the evening, at which point my gf stated very explicitly and almost word for word, that I should be grateful I am allowed to meet the people most important to her (they have a ~10 yr relationship and are apparently good friends ourside of the sock thing).

Tbh, we're on the verge of a breakup at this point and I really don't think I'd mind. I've put a lot of time, effort, personal change and money into this relationship with her and her children and if she's still choosing sock guy over me, well, wtf. AITA for thinking about ending it because she values another guy's orgasm over me?

Yeah, plenty of biases here. And I told the story from my perspective and painted myself in the best light. Still though, lemme have it!

The part of these stories I want to hear is how such an arrangement started in the first place

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:48

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Cheese guy is out and sock man is in

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:53

Zedd: Jul 6, 2009; I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?

Oof. I'm torn on that one.
If sockguy and the GF ever dated it's a deal breaker but if he is a legit friend-friend to her that confided his weird thing to her and she wants to be nice it's still really weird but I can see her pov.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 14:58

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

CheesyDog posted:

The part of these stories I want to hear is how such an arrangement started in the first place

Unexciting, I'm sure. Had a young lady at work mention it, there are websites and it's very easy to do whatever fetish they need for easy easy money.

edit:

Zedd posted:

Oof. I'm torn on that one.
If sockguy and the GF ever dated it's a deal breaker but if he is a legit friend-friend to her that confided his weird thing to her and she wants to be nice it's still really weird but I can see her pov.

I disagree; you have friends, then you have friends with which you perform sexual acts with. Sock guy is clearly in the second category. While it's fine to be chummy with people you've had casual relations with, expecting your monogamous partner to also be cool with it is unreasonable. Replace 'Sock guy' with 'Sugar Daddy' and see how you feel about it. And yes, it's a valid comparison.

Serephina fucked around with this message at 15:07 on Mar 23, 2019

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:01

duck trucker: Oct 14, 2017; YOSPOS

I ran the Best Man and Maid of Honor scandal past my girlfriend and her response was "Why is this the bride and grooms problem? They just need to figure their poo poo out themselves."

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:02

CheesyDog: Jul 4, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

Serephina posted:

Unexciting, I'm sure. Had a young lady at work mention it, there are websites and it's very easy to do whatever fetish they need for easy easy money.

the online arrangements see super easy, I guess I want to see how the transition from internet Sock Guy to Sock Guy who comes over to hangout with my boyfriend happens

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:02

Zedd: Jul 6, 2009; I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?

New title already I see.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:04

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

Zedd posted:

Oof. I'm torn on that one.
If sockguy and the GF ever dated it's a deal breaker but if he is a legit friend-friend to her that confided his weird thing to her and she wants to be nice it's still really weird but I can see her pov.

call me old fashioned but imo if someone jerks off with your used socks they�re not a �legit friend-friend�

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:05

Dazerbeams: Jul 8, 2009

I really hope that covering them with special sauce isn�t a euphemism and sock man is just a failed experimental chef.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:08

Zedd: Jul 6, 2009; I mean, who would have noticed another madman around here?

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

call me old fashioned but imo if someone jerks off with your used socks they’re not a “legit friend-friend”

Yeah same here but I'm trying to take the most charitable angle because it makes the GF going "why would this be weird" funnier.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:09

DJ Fuckboy Supreme: Feb 10, 2011; And when you stare long into the abyss, you become aggressively, terminally chill

DragQueenofAngmar posted:

call me old fashioned but imo if someone jerks off with your used socks they’re not a “legit friend-friend”

"No honey, it's completely platonic. Greg just likes to buy me fancy shoes and socks for me to put on and then he shoots thick ropes all over my feet! This is completely normal and if you don't understand it's abuse!"

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:12

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Zedd posted:

Oof. I'm torn on that one.
If sockguy and the GF ever dated it's a deal breaker but if he is a legit friend-friend to her that confided his weird thing to her and she wants to be nice it's still really weird but I can see her pov.

Do you have any friends that you'd be happy to help out by giving them socks to jerk off in/on, even for free?

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:44

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

I guess, if you're doing sex work for long enough, alot of things that would be considered weird, totally fly under the radar.

Idk, like making GBS threads into a boot, because your friend really requires that.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:46

CannonFodder: Jan 26, 2001; Passion’s Wrench

DJ Fuckboy Supreme posted:

"No honey, it's completely platonic. Greg just likes to buy me fancy shoes and socks for me to put on and then he shoots thick ropes all over my feet! This is completely normal and if you don't understand it's abuse!"

"My love language is knowing that when my friend cranks one out into a sock, it's my sock and not some floozy's sock."

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:50

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

Switchback posted:

Is that supposed to gross me out? That does not gross me out.

It's fine if it doesn't gross you out, but it's cheap filler substituting for real food. I suppose this is at least a better use than bulking ground meat.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 15:59

nonathlon: Jul 9, 2004; And yet, somehow, now it's my fault ...

CheesyDog posted:

look out mama
there's a white puff coming up the river

Well done for an obscure reference.

EDIT: woah, new title. Which story did that come from?

nonathlon fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Mar 23, 2019

# ? Mar 23, 2019 16:16

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# ? May 14, 2024 23:23

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

My [25 F] lazy boyfriend [26 M] always lies and pretends he's sick when someone in our household falls ill. How can I confront him without seeming crazy?

quote:

tldr: I've always thought that my lazy partner of four years lies and pretends to be sick whenever anyone in our house is sick, and though an odd circumstance of our friend saying she's sick when she isn't, I've basically caught him lying but don't know how to confront him, since I cannot tell him that our friend isn't actually 'sick'.

Okay, this is a bit strange but here we go,

My boyfriend 'Dave' and I live with three mutual friends, 'Steve', 'Anne' and 'Vicky'. My boyfriend is extremely lazy, right now he's out of work and looking for a job so I'm the breadwinner, and he is looking for work as slowly as humanly possible. Anyway, every time I've been legitimately sick I don't receive help or support from Dave because he's immediately 'also sick' even though he never looks it. If any of our friends are sick then, like clockwork, he's also sick the very next day- it always feels like a convenient way to get out of cleaning, cooking... whatever. Obviously it's normal to get sick when someone you're living with is, but... every time? Sometimes I thought this was just in my head, but now I think I've been right all along because of an odd series of events.

Our friend Anne is very busy, working part-time and doing a difficult post-grad course. She appears to be very together, but since her and I are very close, I know this isn't always the case- she's also extremely private. Long story short, about 6 months ago, she started experiencing chronic pain because of an injury. Her GP prescribed her painkillers, and she admitted to me about three days ago that she got hooked... she started lying to her doc for months that it still hurt because she subconsciously started relying on the opiates. Anyway, she confessed this to me and said she's going to ween off/withdraw, she's using sick leave for a week and has her studies all in order so she can be sick and sad at home without external obligations- she's been told withdrawal will be terrible for about a week, and will mirror flu like symptoms. She asked that I not tell anyone else, because she's ashamed and of course I won't. I don't judge her, I want to be supportive and I will not tell a soul.

So, Anne starts the withdrawal process and tells the others that she's come down with a bad flu and... the very next day? Dave is 'also sick'- gently caress off! Anne is withdrawing from opiates, you do not have the flu! He doesn't look sick at all, but he's not looking for work, helping out at home, cooking or anything... and I cannot tell him about Anne obviously. I am so frustrated but I can't voice why to him, without accusing him of something without 'evidence'.... or at least, it'll seem that way.

Anyone else had a partner like this? What the hell do I do? It's infuriating.

Infect him with a disease so he won't be lying anymore. Or you could just call out his bullshit and dump him without outing your friend.

# ? Mar 23, 2019 16:32

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