/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Black Mirror is not a pessimistic view of the future but an optimistic view of the present

# ? Mar 29, 2019 12:32

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# ? May 30, 2024 16:58

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

Nickiepoo posted:

TIFU by destroying the entirety of my family for only $99

I laughed but I feel guilty for doing so. I hope there are a bunch of follow up updates saying how him and the guy that raised him (Uncle? lol) drove off into the sunset and lived happily ever after....

also

Pinecone Sample posted:

Black Mirror is not a pessimistic view of the future but an optimistic view of the present

# ? Mar 29, 2019 12:33

Nickiepoo: Jun 24, 2013

Comments say that the poster is 19 and that's a hell of an age for this kind of a bombshell I feel. You've literally just become a legal adult and it turns out that your entire childhood was living a lie (so to speak). The fact that it's brothers just makes this extra spicy.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 12:37

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

I mean it's better than the alternative which is it being the uncle on Mom's side.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 13:37

TheScott2K: Oct 26, 2003; I'm just saying, there's a nonzero chance Trump has a really toad penis.

Got a fresh one.

How to message my ex's friends that my ex [28F] should talk to me [27M]?

quote:

Background

3 years ago when I and Clara dated we had seen that this relationship couldn't work out, and we agreed to end it. After then I found out that she has borderline personality disorder, and I have codependency and messiah complex. What is more complicated is that she follows Daoism, and I has a strong background in science. Daoism and science has many thing to share, but they also have a lot of criticisms towards each other. So basically we were a good match, both in personality and philosophy, but there were a lot of misunderstandings and prejudices between us, not to mention the personal issues of each. Without more knowledge we knew the relationship couldn't get to anywhere.

Since the first criterion of the disorder is frantic avoidence of abandonment, she was very afraid of the breakup, even though she knew the relationship should be ended. She even had proposed a temporary breakup to make sure that we actually loved each other, but as long as we were still attaching, my codependency would still activate, and nothing would be fixed. So in order to make an efficient breakup, I decided to pretend to be super selfish, making her feel that I was not as qualified as she expected, and making her disappointed for choosing the wrong guy. By proactively making her think that she was the one who walked out from an unproductive relationship, I could protect her already fragile and hurtful heart, and to help her forget me. Without her move on my codependency will be a chain for me to actually work out the problem. This whole crazy thing also fits my messiah complex too.

I should note that although this is both like sacrificing and gaslighting, it's not. I actually think the the past years are my personal time to learn more. I do feel that without this knowledge I'm not ready to enter any relationship, whether with her or anyone else.

Problem

Now I have that knowledge, and is ready to get back. But move on is move on, and there is no need to fantasy about her love on me. She only needs to care about me when she has a strong need. I know what she needs too (explained later), but there are 3 major problems that have to be solved at once, and I can't seem to pass it:

Due to the many failures from the past, especially after the relationship with me, she may have learned that it is impossible to achieve her needs, or have convinced herself that she doesn't need them at all.

The combination of Daoism and BPD will make her feel that I will never understand her worldview. In fact, it is just confirmation bias.

Because our problems is so complicated, I can't explain anything succintly in one shot. In fact, I suspect that it is possible at all.

To explain more, one spirit of Daoism is to do something that looks "stupid", "blindfold", or "selfish", while in fact it is a thoughtful and selfless action. Depending on the specific person, it can create unnecessary misunderstandings or elaboration (my tendency) or superficial judgement or carelessness (her tendency).

To avoid all of these hassles, I think it is best to ask her friends to tell her to talk to me. The problem is, how to do that either? I need to convince them, but they don't have time for that. Any of her friends (let's call her Mary) needs to have a strong interest in talking with me so that she can know why she should convince Clara, while in fact we haven't talked much yet.

So we get to a funny situation, in that although I need to convince her, she needs to be motivated to work with me. After the talk she will want to say this to Clara:

I just have talked to Ooker, and I find it unreasonable that you ignore him. He is the one you need. You should go talk to him.

I know this sounds very much like manipulation, but I think I am being honest.

* * *

Here are the problems she had hoped me to help her:

To see the difference between real love and pseudo-love

To be courage

Here are her trusts in our relationship:

She felt that this relationship was peaceful, that the feeling she had with me was real love, and that she had put trust on the right one

She wished that she could see life as simple as mine

She believed that I could do something "extraordinary"

Here are what made her realize that she loved me (and stop playing around with me):

When she thought about what she had hurt me, her heart hurt

These are what she had said to me when we were in the relationship, but perhaps she has forgotten or even disbelieved in them. I have sent these to her, but she hasn't read it yet. Regardless her reaction, I still do what I need to do.

TLDR: if someone send you an unsolicited message asking you to convince your friend to come back with him, what would the message be? I suppose who can help me need to know the whole story to fully understand why they need to do that, but they don't have time for the whole story.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 13:47

Khazar-khum: Oct 22, 2008; Cat Army
2nd Battalion

TheScott2K posted:

Got a fresh one.

How to message my ex's friends that my ex [28F] should talk to me [27M]?

Leave that poor girl alone, you miserable piece of poo poo.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 13:53

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

I got embarrassingly far through that before realizing he was asking how to get back with his ex after nobly whitefanging her.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 14:07

PostNouveau: Sep 3, 2011; VY till I die; Grimey Drawer

I'm surprised there aren't more "23andme ruined my family" stories on there.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 14:16

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

TheScott2K posted:

Got a fresh one.

How to message my ex's friends that my ex [28F] should talk to me [27M]?

I got to the first sentence in the second paragraph before I got too annoyed to read any more of it.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 14:18

Power Khan: Aug 20, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

She might be a bit jealous, yes?

My girlfriend (20F) secretly took my (22M) facebook password and started unfriending female friends.
So... my girlfriend tends to be sometimes jealous.

She has gone through my classmates (female specifically) Instagram profiles just to find if I have liked any pics and I had to explain why I have done that in 100+ messages long conversation.

Had to explain myself for a day why one friend (female) commented on my pic on Facebook and why I liked her comment.

Once had a 12h fight about my friend's sister who offered to take me to her brother's party. (Since we live in the same city and her brother lives h away).

Also had a pretty big fight when she wasn't at my home but had my childhood best friend (female) over with her mother (since they are basically part of our family) and they were staying overnight. I brought my cat to their room so they could pet him but my gf was going on and on about how I did that just to be with my friend alone together.

And finally, yesterday I found out that she has taken my Facebook password logged on her phone and every other day went through my friends list and unfriended old classmates (female only) or just good looking female friends of mine. I haven't talked with her since after confronting her about it.

I have to say after every each of these (and also some other jealousy moments I haven't written down here) she has been very sorry and apologized. She's a very loving and caring person and reminds me how much she loves me every day (at least 20 times). She even writes me letters from time to time and she really truly loves me just like I love her.

But I just can't understand why she's so jealous because I haven't given her a single reason for her not to trust me like this. We have been together for more than a year now and these moments just make me think that all of this is not worth it since I can't see how can you build relationship without trusting each other and I don't want to spend my days looking over my shoulder just to see if I left my PC or tablet unlocked.

So am I just overreacting a bit or is this really strange. This is the first serious relationship for both of us and I am looking for some unbiased opinions. Thank you.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 14:33

UZR IS BULLSHIT: Jan 25, 2004

PostNouveau posted:

I'm surprised there aren't more "23andme ruined my family" stories on there.

There were several during the holidays when people thought it would be a fun family activity for everyone to do together

it wasn�t

# ? Mar 29, 2019 14:34

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

gently caress Your Website posted:

/r/relationships: The winter was hard on both of us. We weren't ready for it.

New Oregon trail sequel is boring.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for wanting him to keep his furry in check?

I don�t understand why furries think that their weird fetish needs to be thrown in everyone�s faces is a popular opinion in their �community.� Even other fetish communities are like nowhere near as weird. Could you imagine if bdsm people acted like it was intolerant to not be okay with them going everywhere in gimp suits?

Also

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/2017/12/01/neo-nazi-furries-trump-latest-alt-right-supporters-718113.html%3famp=1

:killing:

# ? Mar 29, 2019 15:04

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

Even other fetish communities are like nowhere near as weird. Could you imagine if bdsm people acted like it was intolerant to not be okay with them going everywhere in gimp suits?

I've definitely read stories/advice-column letters about people whose jobs won't let them wear BDSM collars in the office, and also plenty of "I want to play out this fetish scenario in public, what do?"

I mean, yeah, the most egregious cases all seem to be furries, but it's not just furries.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 15:19

MightyJoe36: Dec 29, 2013; Cat Army

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

New Oregon trail sequel is boring.

Also

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.newsweek.com/2017/12/01/neo-nazi-furries-trump-latest-alt-right-supporters-718113.html%3famp=1

Just when you thought nazis and/or furries couldn't get any worse.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 15:20

Ouhei: Oct 23, 2008; Cat Army

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

New Oregon trail sequel is boring.

I don�t understand why furries think that their weird fetish needs to be thrown in everyone�s faces is a popular opinion in their �community.� Even other fetish communities are like nowhere near as weird. Could you imagine if bdsm people acted like it was intolerant to not be okay with them going everywhere in gimp suits?

Furries probably think of themselves in the same vein as transgendered people, they think they literally are a white space wolf with a unicorn horn and 3 penises trapped in a mans body. Not that it makes it okay, just probably their mental thought.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Mar 29, 2019 15:24

Butter Activities: May 4, 2018

Antivehicular posted:

I've definitely read stories/advice-column letters about people whose jobs won't let them wear BDSM collars in the office, and also plenty of "I want to play out this fetish scenario in public, what do?"

I mean, yeah, the most egregious cases all seem to be furries, but it's not just furries.

True, I guess I mean to say that kind of forcing everyone to participate in your fetish is waaaay more acceptable among furries though. If you asked that in a furry community I bet they�d get support rather than mostly told to stop being a creep.

Furries just seem to be the worst kind of people. There was this documentary on YouTube about this furry convention and just how awful everyone was, from the organizers to the attendees.

# ? Mar 29, 2019 15:31

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar