Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Automotive Insanity > Read about a new car? Thats the 2024 Giant Piece of Shit

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Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

2020 Yaris Adventure

297lb payload, 7.6 inches of ground clearance, aaaaaaaaaaaand

https://www.caranddriver.com/news/a27004438/toyota-yaris-pickup-april-fools-day/
gently caress you, Toyota, this a real thing the world needs :negative:

Why do all the cars i want gotta be april fools jokes

# ? Apr 2, 2019 00:07

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# ? May 26, 2024 10:52

PT6A: Jan 5, 2006; Public school teachers are callous dictators who won't lift a finger to stop children from peeing in my plane

Amazingly they have made an April Fool's car that looks better than all of their actual cars.

Put a bit of a lift on it and that thing would be awesome.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 00:09

davebo: Nov 15, 2006; Parallel lines do meet, but they do it incognito; College Slice

PT6A posted:

Amazingly they have made an April Fool's car that looks better than all of their actual cars.

Put a bit of a lift on it and that thing would be awesome.

Why? Just let the five people who would actually take it off a road put some lift on it themselves.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 02:37

Twerk from Home: Jan 17, 2009; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

New Escape is here:

"The Truth About Cars posted:

The base engine is a new 1.5-liter EcoBoost turbo three-cylinder that�s expected to make 180 horsepower and 177 lb-ft of torque.

3 cylinders all around!

# ? Apr 2, 2019 20:30

FBS: Apr 27, 2015; The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it.

Twerk from Home posted:

New Escape is here:

3 cylinders all around!

the Focus had to die for this

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:27

ilkhan: Oct 7, 2004; I LOVE Musk and his pro-first-amendment ways. X is the future.

3 cylinders in the escape? loving CAFE.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:40

BlackMK4: Aug 23, 2006; wat.; Megamarm

Eh, that is probably a fine motor for it. Pulls well off idle, falls off up top

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:41

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

ilkhan posted:

3 cylinders in the escape? loving CAFE.

It puts out more power and torque than the current EcoBoost 4 in the Escape, which is more powerful yet again than the base 2.5.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:43

dissss: Nov 10, 2007; I'm a terrible forums poster with terrible opinions.

Here's a cat fucking a squid.

The Focus didn�t die, it just isn�t being offered in markets where no one would buy it.

Fuel economy on the new 3 cylinder isn�t that impressive though considering it needs 95 RON fuel.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:46

Godzilla07: Oct 4, 2008

ilkhan posted:

3 cylinders in the escape? loving CAFE.

Blame Chinese engine displacement taxes first

I�m excited for the enthusiast-focused Escape ST, with sport seats, and an ST-exclusive Race Mode, which makes the suspension as stiff as the Focus RS, and plays the GT350R�s exhaust note through the speakers. It won�t come with the 2.3T, because that will be exclusive to Lincoln, and it will start at $38K.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 21:50

The Prong Song: Sep 7, 2002; WHITE
DRIVES
MATTER

Powershift posted:

...They're locking options behind selection of other options in different options packages and it feels like you need some future star trek 3D holographic map to figure out how to connect the right options together to get the group of options you want...

A coworker ordered a new Tesla Model 3 while he was on vacation in Mexico, and Tesla called him up a few days later trying to arrange delivery 9 days after this order. He ended up having to wait 11, since he was unavailable when they wanted to bring it to his house.

Bored in the passenger seat of the partner's car, I recounted this to her.
"But how?" she asked. I explained how Tesla offered a very few number of color options, and their options packages were split up in such a way that any particular "trim" was really only available with one or two battery options, and one or two interior options.

Recounting this led to a discussion of the advent of "options packages" by Japanese auto manufacturers in the 60s as a way of competing against the significantly-shorter shipping times of US manufacturers, who, at the time, allowed and even promoted the purchase of vehicles with a-la-carte options. I went on about how options packages meant that the total number of different options that were available in an entire lineup was much lower, and that meant that most-if-not-all of the possible options choices were already available in-country, or on the next shipment - versus waiting for the entire construction period and then slow boat from Japan a fully-custom-ordered vehicle would take.

This was followed up by the gas crisis of the 70s, which allowed the lighter, more fuel-efficient Japanese vehicles to become even more popular, but that's not part of the point.

The point is that, with so much of the parts of a "US-made car" made overseas, and finally assembly also done overseas a lot of the time, lead times for custom configurations are higher than most folks want to wait. They'd much rather walk into the local dealership and have the options they want on hand. That can't happen with every vehicle having a completely bespoke list of features and options.

They can do market estimations that say "A person who buys a v8 is likely to want one of the top two trims, and a person who will settle for the v6 will not splurge on these this technology package option", save themselves the pain of having an unsalable vehicle on the lot, AND cut down on lead times for vehicle "orders" - maybe they don't have a black v8 with performance package and technology package 2 on the lot, but the next dealership over does, and they can have it transferred over TODAY!

Why design the car configurator to cater to the 1-in-1000 person who wants a v8 but ABSOLUTELY NOT the SMG transmission and ABSOLUTELY NOT the Tech II package, but they do want the performance package MINUS the special brakes because carbon ceramic costs too much to replace when you do trackdays BUT you need the cargo cubby option because you take the kids to daycare, like, once a month BUT full leather interior is just so nice but NOT on the backseats because the dog will claw it up... when you can design the configurator based on what your market reserach and sales history shows is the top 80% of most likely-to-be-bought-options?

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:10

Wistful of Dollars: Aug 25, 2009

Like the Aztec, the Baja was just ahead of its time.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:31

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

Godzilla07 posted:

Blame Chinese engine displacement taxes first

Does it matter between a 1.5L 3-cyl vs 4-cyl (the current)?

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:43

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

The Prong Song posted:

A coworker ordered a new Tesla Model 3 while he was on vacation in Mexico, and Tesla called him up a few days later trying to arrange delivery 9 days after this order. He ended up having to wait 11, since he was unavailable when they wanted to bring it to his house.

Bored in the passenger seat of the partner's car, I recounted this to her.
"But how?" she asked. I explained how Tesla offered a very few number of color options, and their options packages were split up in such a way that any particular "trim" was really only available with one or two battery options, and one or two interior options.

Recounting this led to a discussion of the advent of "options packages" by Japanese auto manufacturers in the 60s as a way of competing against the significantly-shorter shipping times of US manufacturers, who, at the time, allowed and even promoted the purchase of vehicles with a-la-carte options. I went on about how options packages meant that the total number of different options that were available in an entire lineup was much lower, and that meant that most-if-not-all of the possible options choices were already available in-country, or on the next shipment - versus waiting for the entire construction period and then slow boat from Japan a fully-custom-ordered vehicle would take.

This was followed up by the gas crisis of the 70s, which allowed the lighter, more fuel-efficient Japanese vehicles to become even more popular, but that's not part of the point.

The point is that, with so much of the parts of a "US-made car" made overseas, and finally assembly also done overseas a lot of the time, lead times for custom configurations are higher than most folks want to wait. They'd much rather walk into the local dealership and have the options they want on hand. That can't happen with every vehicle having a completely bespoke list of features and options.

They can do market estimations that say "A person who buys a v8 is likely to want one of the top two trims, and a person who will settle for the v6 will not splurge on these this technology package option", save themselves the pain of having an unsalable vehicle on the lot, AND cut down on lead times for vehicle "orders" - maybe they don't have a black v8 with performance package and technology package 2 on the lot, but the next dealership over does, and they can have it transferred over TODAY!

Why design the car configurator to cater to the 1-in-1000 person who wants a v8 but ABSOLUTELY NOT the SMG transmission and ABSOLUTELY NOT the Tech II package, but they do want the performance package MINUS the special brakes because carbon ceramic costs too much to replace when you do trackdays BUT you need the cargo cubby option because you take the kids to daycare, like, once a month BUT full leather interior is just so nice but NOT on the backseats because the dog will claw it up... when you can design the configurator based on what your market reserach and sales history shows is the top 80% of most likely-to-be-bought-options?

options proliferation is manufacturing and supply chain hell

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:46

Proud Christian Mom: Dec 20, 2006; READING COMPREHENSION IS HARD

My biggest complaint isn't necessarily the options, but the colors. Endless parking lots of white, black and silver :suicide:

# ? Apr 2, 2019 22:53

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Proud Christian Mom posted:

My biggest complaint isn't necessarily the options, but the colors. Endless parking lots of white, black and silver

yeah it's pretty bad, but when manufacturers offer colors they never get stocked and never get sold

# ? Apr 2, 2019 23:14

Kia Soul Enthusias: May 9, 2004; zoom-zoom; Toilet Rascal

I just find it weird that the Crosstrek PHEV is in leather-only when you are crossing demographics with a lot of the people who don't want leather for belief reasons. Maybe I'm wrong on who would buy it.

# ? Apr 2, 2019 23:18

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Charles posted:

I just find it weird that the Crosstrek PHEV is in leather-only when you are crossing demographics with a lot of the people who don't want leather for belief reasons. Maybe I'm wrong on who would buy it.

Just how many vegans do you think there are who are shelling out for a brand new $37K crossover?

# ? Apr 2, 2019 23:27

david_a: Apr 24, 2010; Megamarm

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

Just how many vegans do you think there are who are shelling out for a brand new $37K crossover?

More than you think. Think of all the Hindus working at California tech companies. Many years ago I read that Lexus (I think) was massively popular in that group because it was the only luxury brand you get without leather.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:14

D C: Jun 20, 2004; 1-800-HOTLINEBLING
1-800-HOTLINEBLING
1-800-HOTLINEBLING

dissss posted:

My brother had the opposite problem in the USA once - reserved a Mazda 6 or equivalent then got 'upgraded' to a full size Ford SUV which was apparently a massive, slow, thirsty and uncomfortable piece of poo poo

Ford Expeditions are extremely comfortable and easy to drive, and the ecoboost is a decent engine paring for it.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:26

dissss: Nov 10, 2007; I'm a terrible forums poster with terrible opinions.

Here's a cat fucking a squid.

D C posted:

Ford Expeditions are extremely comfortable and easy to drive, and the ecoboost is a decent engine paring for it.

This was a while ago so will have been an old V8 one which is none of those things.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:31

Kia Soul Enthusias: May 9, 2004; zoom-zoom; Toilet Rascal

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

Just how many vegans do you think there are who are shelling out for a brand new $37K crossover?

Plenty, given that the vegan interior is all Tesla sells now.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:50

Wheeee: Mar 11, 2001; When a tree grows, it is soft and pliable. But when it's dry and hard, it dies.

Hardness and strength are death's companions. Flexibility and softness are the embodiment of life.

That which has become hard shall not triumph.

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

Just how many vegans do you think there are who are shelling out for a brand new $37K crossover?

vegans are largely bougie as gently caress, it's rich white liberal guilt to the core

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:55

Literally Lewis Hamilton: Feb 22, 2005

Wheeee posted:

vegans are largely bougie as gently caress

Doesn�t mean as a group they have disposable income. Most vegans I know are early to mid 20s, not exactly your prime new car buying demo. ANECDOTES.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 00:57

The Oldest Man: Jul 28, 2003

david_a posted:

More than you think. Think of all the Hindus working at California tech companies. Many years ago I read that Lexus (I think) was massively popular in that group because it was the only luxury brand you get without leather.

Wish this was true of Mercedes. Get that 65k base E wagon with vinyl seats.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 01:56

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

Charles posted:

Plenty, given that the vegan interior is all Tesla sells now.

if you think this is for demand and not cost reasons uhhh

plenty in the like, hundreds of thousands is not really a meaningful demo to OEMs sorry guys

# ? Apr 3, 2019 02:27

Mr. Wiggles: Dec 1, 2003; We are all drinking from the highball glass of ideology.

The Oldest Man posted:

Wish this was true of Mercedes. Get that 65k base E wagon with vinyl seats.

MBTex is legit better than regular vinyl tho.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 05:49

Powershift: Nov 23, 2009

No surprise, but most of the BMW 7 series big stupid grille is blanked off with plastic

# ? Apr 3, 2019 08:50

Gasoline: Jul 31, 2008

That probably opens up under load when the engine needs more air than fuel efficiency

# ? Apr 3, 2019 11:46

KillHour: Oct 28, 2007

It does. But it's stupid that the kidneys are literally painted on now.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 13:21

BlackMK4: Aug 23, 2006; wat.; Megamarm

KillHour posted:

It does. But it's stupid that the kidneys are literally painted on now.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 17:15

bull3964: Nov 18, 2000; DO YOU HEAR THAT? THAT'S THE SOUND OF ME PATTING MYSELF ON THE BACK.

I mean, that trend is unavoidable. Most modern cars do not need a huge frontal area for cooling and the need completely goes away once you electrify.

Designs that rely upon a signature grill are going to have to adapt to remain relevant and seem like an actual part of the car design rather than just tacked on for branding reasons.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 17:23

Frond: Mar 12, 2018

The Japanese were ahead of their time when every one of their sporty cars had no/minuscule grilles between 1981-1996. What happened?

It�s cool that they blatantly ripped off the Ferrari 308 styling language for like a decade plus and nobody called them on it.

# ? Apr 3, 2019 17:49