(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Thanks to the OP I have looked into NAMI for getting grief support (no health insurance) after my younger sister passed away a little over a week ago to a suicide. My work gave me over a week off but I am afraid of going back and having to explain things or make small talk. I only told my direct supervisor and one coworker what happened, but I am not sure how to explain a sudden week absence to everyone else. I was wondering if there are any other resources, books, articles, advice or videos, people can recommend that help explain the process of recovering from grief or just simply coping. Right now I feel like I need to get blackout drunk or high just to keep thoughts out of my head or to keep myself distracted and I know that is extremely unhealthy. I feel like I am barely keeping myself together.
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Apr 7, 2019 11:32
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| # ? May 26, 2024 19:12 |
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you don't owe an explanation to anyone at your job, not even your boss.
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Apr 7, 2019 11:47
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succ posted:Thanks to the OP I have looked into NAMI for getting grief support (no health insurance) after my younger sister passed away a little over a week ago to a suicide. My work gave me over a week off but I am afraid of going back and having to explain things or make small talk. I only told my direct supervisor and one coworker what happened, but I am not sure how to explain a sudden week absence to everyone else. I'm really sorry about your sister. I don't really have any close family, so I can only imagine how much it's tearing you up right now. The only useful thing I can offer is that grieving takes time and that you've suffered a massive trauma yourself. Don't let that get lost in everything else going on. Do what you can to take care of yourself. IMO group support is going to be the single biggest thing you can do for yourself right now, so keep up with NAMI and check Meetup for people touched by suicide (or such) in your area. There's some books in the second post I'm pretty sure you've seen already but am pointing them out to be sure. Some of them may be helpful. If nothing else, you can always come in here and vent. I check this thing religiously over the course of the day, and I don't always answer, but I read every post. 100 HOGS AGREE posted:you don't owe an explanation to anyone at your job, not even your boss. I would temper this by saying if you're comfortable patching in HR isn't a bad idea. When I was having my breakdown and attempt, I worked closely with HR (and our scrum master, because I had a ton of respect for him) and no one else—especially not my dumbass boss. Even if they're 100% out to protect the company instead of their employees—which doesn't happen nearly as often as people think imo—HR would very much like this situation to not come back as a lawsuit. If you're not comfortable sharing details then that's it, you don't have to. You can always tell them "you weren't feeling well" to shut the conversation down. If they pry further then they're huge uncomfortably nosy weirdos and you don't have to tell them poo poo.
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Apr 7, 2019 16:36
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vent: anger over pointless dumb temporary poo poo in your life is so hurtful and poisonous and yet it is so hard to let go of, which almost makes me angrier than the dumb poo poo i was originally angry about i'm trying to remember the whole "don't let a bad 15 minutes turn into a bad day" thing
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Apr 7, 2019 20:41
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my brain has undergone the two most radical perspective shifts of my life in the last 2 months and i feel completely untethered. i'm good and safe and all but i did not expect this at 32.
DONT THREAD ON ME has issued a correction as of 22:12 on Apr 7, 2019 |
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Apr 7, 2019 22:07
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DONT THREAD ON ME posted:my brain has undergone the two most radical perspective shifts of my life in the last 2 months and i feel completely untethered. i'm good and safe and all but i did not expect this at 32. Mind elaborating?
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Apr 7, 2019 23:18
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Heath posted:Mind elaborating? maybe he started listening to citations needed
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Apr 7, 2019 23:21
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I've been listening to a lot of 80s goth rock post punk stuff lately, in particular Siouxsie and the Banshees. I googled their song "Arabian Knights" to look up the lyrics and the fifth or sixth result down, above even the Spotify result, was an article on a straight-up capital-W capital-N White Nationalist/openly alt-right website discussing the song, along with another one of theirs with questionable messaging called Hong Kong Garden. If you don't know the songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP-ZUbSmkRM https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hp8bClJgRII I was a little shocked at not only how incredibly easy it was to get a Nazi site discussing the race-motives of the songs simply mixed in with the typical lyrics sites, but that the article (written in 2016, natch) was discussing how or whether to qualify the songs as white nationalist anthems. I'm not going to link it, you can go find it yourself if you're curious. I skimmed it a bit, and the discussion seemed to be qualified by whether or how much the songs poo poo on non-white people, Arabian Knights in particular, which they included because it's ostensibly anti-Arab (which is good) but is written in defense of non-white women and children (which is bad), a fact they talk about at length. To be honest, the mere fact that I ended up there reading it messed with my head a bit. It's really, genuinely disturbing that the algorithm can send you down those roads so quickly, especially if you're just a regular person who is perhaps curious about the context of the song or how it fits into the punk rock ethos of its era, which is a topic that requires a lot of contextualization. I know it was definitely confusing to me when I was younger that many punks seem to be extremely anti-racist and yet you can pretty readily find 80s punk stars sporting swastika armbands, including Siouxsie herself. I couldn't find any other such discussion of the song among the search results except for a couple of questionable "song meanings" sites written by users. But there's a Nazi rag, front and center. And to put this in a mental health context, all the more frequently lately I feel the creeping notion that my own perception is being pushed in ideological directions by the very tools I'm using on a daily basis, and that I'm savvy enough, I think, to know when it's happening, that not everyone else is, and I frequently doubt my own ability to wade through the muck effectively. I fear the ideological rabbit hole that is so easy to fall into and how insidious it is. A couple of months ago, I went home to visit my parents and my dad was showing me some car and motorcycle stuff he watches on YouTube and his recommendations were absolutely polluted with Fox News clips and Ben Shapiro poo poo, and when I talked to him on the phone not long ago, he started going on praising Ben Shapiro as "a pretty smart guy" and I nearly lost my drat mind about it. My dad has never been even a little bit political (I don't think he's ever even voted) and now all of a sudden I'm living the same story so many of my friends have related to me about how their dads went from regular guys to angry weirdos in the span of a couple of months simply because they discovered YouTube. Or how watching an MMA clip sends you spiraling into Joe Rogan, Peterson, et al. There is no equivalent left counterbalance, and I suspect more and more that that is not just a failure of the left to make a presence but also by design. It's just so loving easy to find this poo poo and so hard to find countervalence. The whole reason the Siouxsie thing bothered me is because you're not free from it even if you're taking what's probably a relatively obscure road. You get pushed along by the algorithm in a way that's really unseemly to me, a person who grew up with an internet that was still mostly human and organic in terms of how you found your way around it, mostly by way of forum links and such from people who shared your interests, before everything was so astroturfed, Something Awful being almost the lone exception. Mostly I'm worried about my dad. This angry poo poo just reinforces his depression, something that gets worse with age, and he's nearing retirement. I'm afraid he's going to dive deep into this poo poo once he does retire and is home all day with nothing to do but watch Ben Shapiro and I'm just waiting for him to start railing about transgender bathroom rapists or something every time we talk.
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Apr 8, 2019 01:25
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100 HOGS AGREE posted:you don't owe an explanation to anyone at your job, not even your boss.
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Apr 8, 2019 02:05
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online stuff absolutely has a polarizing echo chamber effect—even (especially?) CSPAM. imo it's partly you can find anyone who shares your insane beliefs and thus validate them and also, like you said, getting nudged in directions. I'm not paranoid about online stuff but having targeted searches is like someone can find your weak spot, and giving Twitter or Facebook's nazi rear end owners that power is... not great Heath posted:To be honest, the mere fact that I ended up there reading it messed with my head a bit. It's really, genuinely disturbing that the algorithm can send you down those roads so quickly, especially if you're just a regular person who is perhaps curious about the context of the song or how it fits into the punk rock ethos of its era, which is a topic that requires a lot of contextualization. I know it was definitely confusing to me when I was younger that many punks seem to be extremely anti-racist and yet you can pretty readily find 80s punk stars sporting swastika armbands, including Siouxsie herself. I couldn't find any other such discussion of the song among the search results except for a couple of questionable "song meanings" sites written by users. But there's a Nazi rag, front and center. *sprays sparkling water all over the place* what
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Apr 8, 2019 02:07
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oh my gods this is an actual thing  at some point you think you'd stop in your edgelord phase and go, hey, maybe this isn't sending the greatest of messages here
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Apr 8, 2019 02:13
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I know what you mean about the algorithms shaping people. I set up a new YouTube about a year ago through a new email and the baseline recommendations were all right wing propaganda. It's almost unavoidable no matter what you watch. When I was in grade school, kids would play a game on Wikipedia to see how many clicks from a random article it would take you to make it to Hitler's page. Now it's like the algorithms shuttle you in that direction even if you're looking for a cake recipe
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Apr 8, 2019 02:22
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Heath posted:Mind elaborating? ya sorry i was struggling to get it out in writing and gave up. ill come back to it tonight.
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Apr 8, 2019 02:27
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PsychedelicWarlord posted:Now it's like the algorithms shuttle you in that direction even if you're looking for a cake recipe hitler cake please no one run with that joke no matter how low hanging the fruit this is the mental health thread
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Apr 8, 2019 02:27
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You posted a lot of stuff, and I'm not quite prepared to respond to all of it. It's important to pick a side and stick to it. Leftists like us have a side with a bunch of issues. For me, it started when I was a kid, and I was growing up as a minority in a very, very rural, white part of the country. Every loving day I got the poo poo beat out of me, and I got called a chink and a gook and etc etc. That's what "America" means to me. To me, America is a sneering white face, fist drawn back. You're better than that. Thank you.
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Apr 8, 2019 02:28
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Chokes McGee posted:oh my gods this is an actual thing This is what I meant about contextualizing. It is definitely a disgusting thing, but if you take it in the context of punk rock generally, the whole idea is simply to provoke, and there is nothing more provocative than Nazi imagery. It is worth noting that "gently caress your rules, gently caress your sensitivities, gently caress your fears" was the mentality that characterized the counterculture of the time, in which WWII was recent enough to be very fresh in the minds of most people but far enough away to begin the flirtation with it as aesthetic.* Of course, the lesson we can learn from it is how easily any ethos can be twisted to suit its antithesis, which is what at least some punks were trying to do, and that that ethos itself has been twisted to suit people who have virtually nothing in common with the punks except that they consider themselves counterculture now. You see the same "gently caress your rules" attitude among alt-right nerdlingers, except they sincerely believe the Nazi poo poo instead of wearing an armband to freak out the olds. *The same kind of principle that allows us to joke about events - there is an ill-defined period after which we can start talking about a horrific thing in contexts other than being deadly serious, inversely proportional to its immediacy, although more recently that time scale has become very warped (see: tribute.avi)
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Apr 8, 2019 02:39
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Heath posted:This is what I meant about contextualizing. It is definitely a disgusting thing, but if you take it in the context of punk rock generally, the whole idea is simply to provoke, and there is nothing more provocative than Nazi imagery. It is worth noting that "gently caress your rules, gently caress your sensitivities, gently caress your fears" was the mentality that characterized the counterculture of the time, in which WWII was recent enough to be very fresh in the minds of most people but far enough away to begin the flirtation with it as aesthetic.* I read this as "swap.avi" and boy howdy was that a chain of thoughts
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Apr 8, 2019 02:54
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Just remembered the PJW tweet that "Conservatism is the new punk rock" which is some apex Big Bang galaxy brain poo poo
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Apr 8, 2019 03:24
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i got way too much stuff done today which means i will be unable to do anything for the rest of the month
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Apr 8, 2019 03:45
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hey fun fact, did you know that masturbation has myriad health benefits, including lowering blood pressure and reducing long-term risks of heart disease and prostate cancer? if you've jerked off recently, your body thanks you! on the downside, self-abuse does condemn you to an eternity in hell. that's not actually considered a detrimental side-effect though because we all live there anyway
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Apr 8, 2019 04:30
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and, hey, if the seratonin machine broke, you can still do a rolling start by popping the clutch. because... manual i’ll get my coat
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Apr 8, 2019 04:37
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animist posted:hey fun fact, did you know that masturbation has myriad health benefits, including lowering blood pressure and reducing long-term risks of heart disease and prostate cancer? if you've jerked off recently, your body thanks you! idc what anyone says this isn't going in the OP
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Apr 8, 2019 04:38
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Chokes McGee posted:idc what anyone says this isn't going in the OP hey do you have any links to indulgence-sellers online? my local bishop won't take bitcoin anymore
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Apr 8, 2019 04:44
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Starting a new crypto called Halos
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Apr 8, 2019 05:20
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mekyabetsu posted:I don't have any specific advice, but I just wanted to say that you're a very kind and supportive friend. You're really going above and beyond to help someone who, in addition to all the stress about the patent, sounds like she might be feeling a little out of place in a foreign country. However, please keep what Chokes said in mind and make sure to take care of yourself as well. thanks. though we're both in a foreign country. I'm white though so it may be easier on me than on her
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Apr 8, 2019 11:40
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lol love to have 54 mg of concerta just not work for some reason
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Apr 8, 2019 14:35
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:lol love to have 54 mg of concerta just not work for some reason try 54mg of concertina instead just a tiny little accordion so tiny
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Apr 8, 2019 15:21
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Chokes McGee posted:try 54mg of concertina instead ouch lol
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Apr 8, 2019 15:30
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got any sevens posted:ouch it's just a lovely pun, no offense was meant 
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Apr 8, 2019 15:54
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Chokes McGee posted:it's just a lovely pun, no offense was meant I didnt think otherwise
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Apr 8, 2019 16:36
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concerta is Not Good, imo
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Apr 8, 2019 16:50
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juche avocado posted:concerta is Not Good, imo I've honestly never heard of it, on a scale of placebo to effexor how bad is it
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Apr 8, 2019 16:55
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Chokes McGee posted:I've honestly never heard of it, on a scale of placebo to effexor how bad is it it's a stimulant for adhd; it's bad as heck but its badness doesn't fall on that spectrum (badness is multidimensional)
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Apr 8, 2019 20:10
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juche avocado posted:it's a stimulant for adhd; it's bad as heck but its badness doesn't fall on that spectrum (badness is multidimensional) Wait what
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Apr 8, 2019 20:30
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what are we whatting
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Apr 8, 2019 20:38
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juche avocado posted:what are we whatting Should I not be taking concerta
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Apr 8, 2019 20:38
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i mean everyone is a unique temple w/ their own chemistry. could be great for you, except you just said it's not doing anything?  it sucked nuts for me, especially 10 y/o me
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Apr 8, 2019 20:41
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succ posted:Thanks to the OP I have looked into NAMI for getting grief support (no health insurance) after my younger sister passed away a little over a week ago to a suicide. My work gave me over a week off but I am afraid of going back and having to explain things or make small talk. I only told my direct supervisor and one coworker what happened, but I am not sure how to explain a sudden week absence to everyone else. I've had a luck with ACT for grief, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. There's a good intro book about it called The Happiness Trap (epub), which is actually not too obnoxiously self-helpy despite the name. I like it 'cause there's actually clinical evidence that it, like, works. The downside is that it sort of sucks. Basically it's about accepting that a life well lived is gonna involve a good amount of pain and unpleasantness. Instead of trying to suppress bad thoughts / feelings all the time, you can just make room for them and let yourself feel them. Over time, they'll stop interfering as much with functioning, and maybe even lower in intensity as you get used to them; but trying to ignore them is just gonna make them worse. It's a lot of work, but it's been helpful for me. YMMV tho.
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Apr 8, 2019 21:10
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i know this sounds obvious but lol, never underestimate the importance of eating if you feel like poo poo just had a proper meal after eating nothing but a few crackers and a chocolate easter bunny yesterday went from feeling like total poo poo to more or less ok, like instantly it's not that i didn't have food i just..... didn't make time to eat it? turns out my meat robot is a metabolic engine that requires fuel no fuel, serotonin go down please eat food Segata Sanshiro has issued a correction as of 22:33 on Apr 8, 2019 |
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Apr 8, 2019 21:19
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Your brain runs on carbs, man
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Apr 8, 2019 21:26
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