Dumb Lowtax posted:

The pun in the post above royally SUCKED

A Bad Poster posted:

Apparently I was the rear end in a top hat for telling my coworkers to stop throwing a worm at each other while waiting for formation to start, and dressing down the guy who decided to stomp on it afterwards.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The GIP idiots thread is a favourite of mine, lately even moreso than usual it makes the military sound like a primary school.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The GIP idiots thread is a favourite of mine, lately even moreso than usual it makes the military sound like a primary school.

TheNiceLady posted:

hello. i seen this forums a long time ago but i have not registered. my nephew showed it to me and i read it a lot. i read the rules and he told me not to post anything ever but i seen a thread and posted when my son helped me get a account. i would like to be adopted and i need help so as not to break any rules. i willg et a eamail addres and put it in here later. i am 52 and my husband run off with the church sectretary and i live off a pension but i have internet and emails.

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

PMush Perfect posted:

try swiping right on a bible

joylessdivision posted:

Gonna be a hard left, Jesus never called me back.

felch me daddy jr. posted:

he holy ghosted me

corn in the bible posted:

i wanted to make a pun about lions and the hapsburg jaw but i couldn't think of one. if you come up with one just imagine i wrote that here, thanks

christmas boots posted:

Hapsburg paw?

Lemniscate Blue posted:

Did anyone point out that Nala and Simba are half-siblings?

Olympic Mathlete posted:

and as if by magic!

https://twitter.com/andycam_/status/1116288106582331393

Kurtofan posted:

Thats assanges voice ?

twoday posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XebF2cgmFmU

prefect posted:

Who's this guy?

jesus WEP posted:

Charles Dozsa

bloom posted:

mobby_6kl posted:

I thought it was supposed to be on the inside of a BMW.

luxury handset posted:

something similar happened to me once, when i was day drinking one happy summer and pissing in my yard and then a giant asian hornet which had another bee in its mouth, that it was eating landed on my shorts an inch from my penis. i screamed and slapped myself in the dick + balls and got piss all over my hand. the bee just flew away unfazed

Pick posted:

Bobby Digital posted:

Wanna hear the Attenborough narration of that

christmas boots posted:

The main difference is that for Attenborough the italicized part is cause for delight and childlike fascination, not abject terror.

namesake posted:

Brexit is in inflicting pain and humiliation. Brexit is in tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. Do you begin to see, then, what kind of world we are creating? It is the exact opposite of the stupid hedonistic EUtopias that the old reformers imagined. A world of fear and treachery is torment, a world of trampling and being trampled upon, a world which will grow not less but more merciless as it refines itself. Brexit in our world will be Brexit towards more pain. The old civilizations claimed that they were founded on love or justice. Ours is founded upon Brexit. In our world there will be no emotions except Brexit, Brexit, Brexit and Brexit. Everything else we shall destroy utterly. Already we are breaking down the habits of thought which have survived from before the Referendum. We have cut the links between child and parent, and between man and man, and between man and woman. No one dares trust a wife or a child or a friend any longer. But in the future there will be no wives and no friends. Children will be taken from their mothers at birth, as one takes eggs from a hen. The sex instinct will be eradicated. Procreation will be an annual formality like the renewal of a ration card. We shall abolish the orgasm. Our neurologists are at work upon it now. There will be no loyalty, except loyalty towards the Brexit. There will be no love, except the love of Brexit.There will be no laughter, except the laugh of triumph over a defeated enemy. There will be no art, no literature, no science. When we are omnipotent we shall have no more need of science. There will be no distinction between beauty and ugliness. There will be no curiosity, no enjoyment of the process of life. All competing pleasures will be destroyed. But always -- do not forget this, Winston -- always there will be the intoxication of Brexit, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler. Always, at every moment, there will be the thrill of Brexit, the sensation of trampling on an enemy who is helpless. If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face -- for ever.

JFairfax posted:

namesake posted:

If you want a picture of the future, imagine brexit stamping on a human face -- for ever.

namesake posted:

JFairfax posted:

Ah gently caress.

Imagined posted:

gently caress yeah

Jerry Cotton posted:

OKCupid has a city

Tony Snark posted:

I can induce vomiting without sticking a finger down my throat, and am frequently landed on by moths.

Colonel Cancer posted:

The ol monitor trick huh?

Hell Yeah posted:

sorry, anime is too controversial of a topic to post in a forum about politics.

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

Is there a non-Encyclopedia Dramatica-type source for what happened to Schmorky beyond the contemporary thread? Because it feels as if a lot of people take that story as an opportunity to harass and dunk on someone(s) they dislike instead of laying out “some awful stuff happened to/poor life choices were made by the funny animator who did a lot of SA stuff in the site’s heyday.”

Edit OH NOT OKAY

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

But does a pregnant centaur develop the foetus in their human womb or in their horse womb?

Edit: I'll google it, someone has to have drawn it

eDIt 2: gently caress THE INTERNET

Screaming Idiot posted:

BDSM is a fantastic way for people with mental illnesses to make one another miserable while sexualizing violence and dressing like KISS cosplayers.

VanSandman posted:

Does anyone have the old air force intel marriage quote handy? I checked the first few pages and couldn't find it.

Socks4Hands posted:

im strongly considering installing handles of some sort onto my desk so i can physically brace myself while i learn about new and exciting global developments

VanSandman posted:

Does anyone have the old air force intel marriage quote handy? I checked the first few pages and couldn't find it.

quote:

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice:

Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit.

There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays, despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you.

And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you.

You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker Air Force Base.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian five and intel twelve, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up every time you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight--this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his college football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris. Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too.

At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wine to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die.

There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

Spoiler Alert: You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. You'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

Zamboni Rodeo posted:

Got it. I don't recall who originally posted it, though:


Now with audio!

Dumb Lowtax posted:

How does something that good and time-tested just pop up out of nowhere in a conversation

Zamboni Rodeo posted:

Got it. I don't recall who originally posted it, though:


Now with audio!

Spanish Manlove posted:

Best this about this was that it all came true.

Dumb Lowtax posted:

How does something that good and time-tested just pop up out of nowhere in a conversation

quote:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Quad posted:

Solice Kirsk posted:

But enough about Kubrick.

Whooping Crabs posted:

Stanley Meatbrick

Telegnostic posted:

Ground beef.