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ad090 posted:I wonder if he hadn't of tried to forbid her going, and just laid out the timeline, she would of been more receptive to his argument. Seems like really obvious considering what her boss was attempting that some shady poo poo was gonna go down, but her anger at the op for trying to forbid her anything might have made her do something reckless, like go to said dinner and make a comment that he's married and therefore won't do anything. They were both bad at handling their emotions and could have communicated better every step of the way, but the work events themselves would have unfolded the same regardless because no matter how obvious and likely the risk she would never have viewed it as threatening enough to not take it on the slim chance that it was all on the up and up.
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May 1, 2019 22:08
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Hellblazer187 posted:Or even saying something like "This makes me extremely uncomfortable, I'm asking you not to go." Really, you could never imagine it? Never ever? Do you have kids? Pets? Imagine her doing something stupid or dangerous with the kids or pets- not that she would- but imagine it. I bet you'd find those words right quick. "Sweetheart, I'm uncomfortable with you not vaccinating our kids." "Sweetheart, i'm uncomfortable with you giving the dog chocolate."
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May 1, 2019 22:08
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What if she was Hitler. Wouldn't you tell Hitler wife "you cannot do the holocaust"?
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May 1, 2019 22:14
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Twelve Batmans posted:Really, you could never imagine it? Never ever? This is how I feel whenever people say that. You absolutely can forbid your partner from doing things, hell honestly there's situations you'd be a bad partner of you didn't. Now you can't force them to listen to you, of course. There's a time and a place for it.
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May 1, 2019 22:14
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Cat Army
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I think the denizens of this thread would smell bad partners from a mile away and never get into a relationship like that lol
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May 1, 2019 22:15
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I don't disagree that she was stressed out at the time, I just don't feel being stressed out in that way excuses you from being lovely to your partner and it doesn't make him an rear end in a top hat to want to break up with her over her treating him that way, even in the heat of the moment He is also creepy for talking about her chest in a weird way and situation yeah
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May 1, 2019 22:16
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hawowanlawow posted:I think the denizens of this thread would smell bad
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May 1, 2019 22:17
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lmao she was in the wrong for taking all of her anger with the situation out on him.
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May 1, 2019 22:20
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Blade Runner posted:I don't disagree that she was stressed out at the time, I just don't feel being stressed out in that way excuses you from being lovely to your partner and it doesn't make him an rear end in a top hat to want to break up with her over her treating him that way, even in the heat of the moment The chest thing is loving weird and outs him as a creep too and it really is better for everyone involved to just split. Sounds like too much of a dude bro for her anyway.
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May 1, 2019 22:21
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Twelve Batmans posted:That aside, you are a smart enough poster to know I am speaking about her actions in their entirety. Let's not be disingenuous here by first putting yourself in the narrative on the offhand someone may insult you, and second to think I am speaking of her simply going to dinner with her boss devoid of all other context.
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May 1, 2019 22:28
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i like nice words
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Anne Whateley posted:I'm asking to find out where you think "she did a lot wrong" started happening. I live in NYC so transportation is weird/different, but I wouldn't have taken it as a red flag if my boss had said "we're celebrating, I'm sending an Uber black" or similar All of the context, Anne. So not only how she acted before, but after as well. Also, please stop ignoring how the "party" was very suspiciously whittled down to her, the perv-boss, and his other side-piece. Please stop ignoring the "readjustment" the boss made about changing restaurants when the BF had her test him. I really don't think your situation compares. If you need a list of everything she did wrong then read the rest of the thread. It's been laid out countless times.
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May 1, 2019 22:31
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My ex (29m) decided to end things by trickle ghosting me (28f), I was starting to heal until I found out the reasons why he ghosted.quote:The past several months have been incredibly draining and hard for me. I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice or just a place to vent.
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May 1, 2019 22:33
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ad090 posted:I told her that Tom had barely spoken to me in the 2+ months, he’s only sent me a few text messages and I have no idea what’s going on. I told her I didn’t know if he was mad at me, if we were broken up or still together, or if there was something else going on that I needed to know about. She looked kinda shocked and confused and told me that Tom had told told all of his friends that we had broken up and I that I was taking it really hard, and out of respect for me not to bring it up if anyone saw me. Woooooow, that is some top tier lovely behavior.
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May 1, 2019 22:44
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Twelve Batmans posted:Really, you could never imagine it? Never ever? Ugh OK fine, yes in the situation where I have a different partner who would literally murder our animals or children, sure. But I think you know what the gently caress I'm saying.
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May 1, 2019 22:47
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Well he's hosed. AITA for wanting to dropout out of my homeschool when my mom refuses to help me with my work? quote:I've been homeschooled since 1st grade. Everything was fine and dandy until about 5th or 6th grade where my mom mainly focused on my two younger sibling's schoolwork and started having health problems. From that point on I've just read my schoolbooks and did exams as necessary, not doing any projects or having any teacher guidance except "you need to start doing your x exam this month."
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May 1, 2019 22:50
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Tender Bender posted:What if she was Hitler. Wouldn't you tell Hitler wife "you cannot do the holocaust"? Mods, new thread title please
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May 1, 2019 22:50
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ad090 posted:My ex (29m) decided to end things by trickle ghosting me (28f), I was starting to heal until I found out the reasons why he ghosted. Wait until he gets in touch and ask him if he's enjoyed living high on the hog
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May 1, 2019 22:54
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Hellblazer187 posted:Ugh OK fine, yes in the situation where I have a different partner who would literally murder our animals or children, sure. But I think you know what the gently caress I'm saying. It's a silly thing to get hung up about (and/or use to justify her hostility afterwards) because he's not actually forbidding her from doing anything, as he might if he were an abuser in an abusive relationship. He's just really bad at articulating his discomfort at what's happening, which isn't that awful considering she equally seems really bad at communication e.g. the threats to break up, which are probably more intended as "I want to stop having this argument right now" than any genuine threat.
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May 1, 2019 23:20
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Twelve Batmans posted:All of the context, Anne. So not only how she acted before, but after as well. Also, please stop ignoring how the "party" was very suspiciously whittled down to her, the perv-boss, and his other side-piece. Please stop ignoring the "readjustment" the boss made about changing restaurants when the BF had her test him. I really don't think your situation compares. If you need a list of everything she did wrong then read the rest of the thread. It's been laid out countless times. on the other hand, men are bad, so the boyfriend deserves to get beaten to death
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May 1, 2019 23:27
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Lt. Danger posted:It's a silly thing to get hung up about (and/or use to justify her hostility afterwards) because he's not actually forbidding her from doing anything, as he might if he were an abuser in an abusive relationship. He's just really bad at articulating his discomfort at what's happening, which isn't that awful considering she equally seems really bad at communication e.g. the threats to break up, which are probably more intended as "I want to stop having this argument right now" than any genuine threat. Yes, they are both equally terrible at communicating. I agree that those are about equal sins - both kind of red lines honestly.
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May 1, 2019 23:28
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CheesyDog posted:Wait until he gets in touch and ask him if he's enjoyed living high on the hog Okay I loving laughed at this. I'm a terrible person. Guessing meth?
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May 1, 2019 23:36
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ad090 posted:My ex (29m) decided to end things by trickle ghosting me (28f), I was starting to heal until I found out the reasons why he ghosted. It sounds like Tom is a garbage person himself and he is the one who should be ashamed. Not you. Tom needs to be castrated.
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May 1, 2019 23:37
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Scathach posted:Okay I loving laughed at this. I'm a terrible person. Sounds like it: quote:It wasn't weed, I don't care about weed. I knew he did less harmful things like E and shrooms in college and I didn't really care. I actually looked because so really wanted to know if it was hard drugs or 'drugs' as in smoking a bowl and cheating on her.
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May 1, 2019 23:41
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Idk how you couldn't see that coming from a mile away, but it takes a while for people to learn all men are bad.
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May 1, 2019 23:48
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Beachcomber posted:Well he's hosed. Mom litterally ruined his life.... but where is dad?
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May 1, 2019 23:57
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Anne Whateley posted:I'm asking to find out where you think "she did a lot wrong" started happening. I live in NYC so transportation is weird/different, but I wouldn't have taken it as a red flag at all if my boss had said "we're celebrating, I'm sending an Uber black" or similar I also live in NYC, have lived in NYC my whole life, and it would indeed be extremely weird and a red flag for you to say "Oh, my boyfriend can drive me there" only for the person you're going with to respond "Uh no we're going to somewhere else now don't worry, we'll have the Uber over there for you. Don't tell your boyfriend where you're going."
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May 2, 2019 00:18
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Twelve Batmans posted:All of the context, Anne. So not only how she acted before, but after as well. Also, please stop ignoring how the "party" was very suspiciously whittled down to her, the perv-boss, and his other side-piece. Please stop ignoring the "readjustment" the boss made about changing restaurants when the BF had her test him. I really don't think your situation compares. If you need a list of everything she did wrong then read the rest of the thread. It's been laid out countless times. I don't really get how in this specific situation the whittling thing is sketchier than my boss inviting just us two young women out from the beginning. I can construct scenarios where the whittling would be inherently sketchy, but for a professional thing, if my boss was just like "oh budget cuts blah blah" I would believe him. Blade Runner posted:I also live in NYC, have lived in NYC my whole life, and it would indeed be extremely weird and a red flag for you to say "Oh, my boyfriend can drive me there" only for the person you're going with to respond "Uh no we're going to somewhere else now don't worry, we'll have the Uber over there for you. Don't tell your boyfriend where you're going." quote:Today, the big day boss texts her at like 11AM and says "hey since this is supposed to be a celebration, don't drive! I'll send a car service for you!" Fiance still doesn't smell anything fishy quote:so I ask her just for my own edification ask what he says if she tells him "that's a great offer, but my fiance knows the restaurant and he can drive me." Boss replies back in seconds "sorry if I had to change restaurants at the last minute, I'll send the car!" I probably would have bought "we want to hit a few different places" or, in a non-NYC context, "then you won't have to worry about driving home if you have a glass of wine." I would push back if he were driving, but I wouldn't worry if it were an uber/lyft or a company car Either way it depends on how strongly you want to advise "treat all men like would-be rapists," which I think most posters itt really disagree with, except in retrospect when a man did do bad poo poo but why was the woman there in the first place??
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May 2, 2019 00:29
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Part of it is that the boyfriend perceived this lawyer as being kind of a sleaze to begin with.
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May 2, 2019 01:01
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Who knew this one story would be so contentious. Lmao at everyone siding with the abusive girlfriend.
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May 2, 2019 01:02
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Anne Whateley posted:
There's no requirement with Uber or Lyft that you have to use their service for both ways on a night out. She can be dropped off somewhere, drink, and pay for a ride home. Also NYC isn't the only city that has more than one place to go. Your city isn't that special.
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May 2, 2019 01:02
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Leon Einstein posted:This is so loving stupid. Forbidding your partner to do stuff is absolutely controlling. "My partner stepped off the curb in front of a bus despite my warnings. I pulled her back and now she claims it's assault and is threatening to call the cops because I touched her without consent." That's the level of willful stupidity he's dealing with. Jokes on her tho, the bus is just going to get her on the next trip around the block.
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May 2, 2019 01:02
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Cyks posted:Also NYC isn't the only city that has more than one place to go. Your city isn't that special. I think she means more that most New Yorkers don't drive. quote:Who knew this one story would be so contentious. Lmao at everyone siding with the abusive girlfriend. I think a lot of it comes from a place of sympathy for her experience, like the guy who was encouraged to stay with a cheating partner whose dad had died, even that really doesn't mean he has any obligation towards someone who's treated him pretty badly ('abusive' seems like a stretch, though). As it is, I don't actually agree with the people saying they should split up. In both cases, they each seem to understand and to have acknowledged the mistakes they've made and seem willing to work on improving their communication.
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May 2, 2019 01:16
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Also for the "she needs to learn her actions have consequences!" crowd, nothing uniquely bad or dangerous actually happened at the dinner. The underlying problem, "boss is a shithead who is trying to manipulate her for sex", was happening regardless. It's not like that happened BECAUSE she went to the dinner.
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May 2, 2019 01:24
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They should split up because she is an awful, awful person and because he is clearly only in this relationship for how nice her boobs are.
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May 2, 2019 01:25
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Tender Bender posted:Also for the "she needs to learn her actions have consequences!" crowd, nothing uniquely bad or dangerous actually happened at the dinner. The underlying problem, "boss is a shithead who is trying to manipulate her for sex", was happening regardless. It's not like that happened BECAUSE she went to the dinner. Wait did people argue this. Jesus goons
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May 2, 2019 01:26
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CharlestheHammer posted:Wait did people argue this. Lol, anyone who has been paying a shred of attention to the thread realizes that her "actions" refer to her treatment of her boyfriend and the ways she insulted and threatened him with breaking up to shut down the conversation. Not things that happened to her like her boss actually being a gross perv. No one deserves to have rape or sexual harassment enacted upon them. Don't be so willfully dense and gross.
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May 2, 2019 01:34
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Twelve Batmans posted:Lol, anyone who has been paying a shred of attention to the thread realizes that her "actions" refer to her treatment of her boyfriend and the ways she insulted and threatened him with breaking up to shut down the conversation. Not things that happened to her like her boss actually being a gross perv. No one deserves to have rape or sexual harassment enacted upon them. Don't be so willfully dense and gross. Miserable Maid posted:I think it's because you're seeing it as a logical third party, rather then in the emotional state the op would be in. Like, her boss preying on her didn't happen because of the dinner. It was already happening. But we're not supposed to have sympathy because as a Woman she didn't listen to her Man and prevent the problem from happening, the problem being another man acting lovely.
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May 2, 2019 01:38
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRR-aAHLRQo
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May 2, 2019 01:40
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That kid's face the entire time: 
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May 2, 2019 01:42
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Tender Bender posted:Like, her boss preying on her didn't happen because of the dinner. It was already happening. But we're not supposed to have sympathy because as a Woman she didn't listen to her Man and prevent the problem from happening, the problem being another man acting lovely. Ok you gotta be trolling now. That's not at all what people are saying, and there's no excuse for the way the boss treated her. Here's clearly a villain preying on people he knows can't fight back. That said, that doesn't excuse her for being willfully stupid and mean. Just because someone's a victim doesn't mean they suddenly stop being an rear end in a top hat
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May 2, 2019 01:44
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