Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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Stoner Sloth

Cubone posted:

I was supposed to learn how to use comic hyperbole in theater class back in high school, but our drama teacher was so bad...

(how bad was he?)

he was so bad, I do not know how to use comic hyperbole

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Apr 27, 2019 14:34

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# ? May 11, 2024 18:11

XA Shere

got any sevens posted:

on my bus route i pass a place called 'espresso dental' that sounds too intimidating to enter
will the patients be trying to sip a latte between scrapes?
or will the dentist be so jittery you're trying to not scream when they drill you?

what are some other businesses that shouldnt be combined?

Hey! I've been there. It was actually pretty decent service. I hear they give out gold stars to the good patients, but I squirmed a lot so I didn't get any.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Apr 27, 2019 15:11

Harold Fjord

Let's Play *idle incremental clicker*

Cubone posted:

I was supposed to learn how to use comic hyperbole in theater class back in high school, but our drama teacher was so bad...

(how bad was he?)

he was so bad, I do not know how to use comic hyperbole

# ? Apr 27, 2019 17:25

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

"Hey, guys, I got a new thing for us to do. I'm calling it 'Cards.'"
Do we get to drink?
"Hell yeah, we're gonna get slammed."
Oh word well then I'm in.
"Yep, gonna get drunk and do some math."
Wait what?
"Don't worry it's not that complicated. Only like fifty pieces."
Fifty but
"In a lot of colors too."
How do
"And some of the cards have symbols that are also numbers."
That sounds very complex actually. I think you'll get get the Card Laurels for quite a while.
"Oh there's no laurels or anything."
That's nice just a friendly, non-competitive
"We'll play for all your money."

# ? Apr 28, 2019 16:12

Manifisto

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"Hey, guys, I got a new thing for us to do. I'm calling it 'Cards.'"
Do we get to drink?
"Hell yeah, we're gonna get slammed."
Oh word well then I'm in.
"Yep, gonna get drunk and do some math."
Wait what?
"Don't worry it's not that complicated. Only like fifty pieces."
Fifty but
"In a lot of colors too."
How do
"And some of the cards have symbols that are also numbers."
That sounds very complex actually. I think you'll get get the Card Laurels for quite a while.
"Oh there's no laurels or anything."
That's nice just a friendly, non-competitive
"We'll play for all your money."

# ? Apr 28, 2019 16:16

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"Hey, guys, I got a new thing for us to do. I'm calling it 'Cards.'"
Do we get to drink?
"Hell yeah, we're gonna get slammed."
Oh word well then I'm in.
"Yep, gonna get drunk and do some math."
Wait what?
"Don't worry it's not that complicated. Only like fifty pieces."
Fifty but
"In a lot of colors too."
How do
"And some of the cards have symbols that are also numbers."
That sounds very complex actually. I think you'll get get the Card Laurels for quite a while.
"Oh there's no laurels or anything."
That's nice just a friendly, non-competitive
"We'll play for all your money."

for best results read this in your best Mitchell & Webb voices

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# ? Apr 28, 2019 19:37

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Apparently it's rude to bring popcorn to a funeral. Pardon me for making the best of things.

# ? Apr 29, 2019 20:39

Twenty Four

Splatmaster posted:

Wolverine sits quietly, alone in his thoughts. He's in the classic Rodin's "Thinker" pose, chin on fist, knee on elbow. Just then, Cyclops sneaks up on him, blown up paper bag in hand and POPS the bag with a loud report. A familiar *snick* is heard as Wolverine's claws shoot out, unbidden...

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

"Hey, guys, I got a new thing for us to do. I'm calling it 'Cards.'"
Do we get to drink?
"Hell yeah, we're gonna get slammed."
Oh word well then I'm in.
"Yep, gonna get drunk and do some math."
Wait what?
"Don't worry it's not that complicated. Only like fifty pieces."
Fifty but
"In a lot of colors too."
How do
"And some of the cards have symbols that are also numbers."
That sounds very complex actually. I think you'll get get the Card Laurels for quite a while.
"Oh there's no laurels or anything."
That's nice just a friendly, non-competitive
"We'll play for all your money."

lol

# ? Apr 29, 2019 20:46

mountaincat: The first part is about sand-
wiches. The second part is
about morality.

A nice day is when it is warm in the sun and cool in the shade. And your family is still alive.

# ? Apr 30, 2019 23:27

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

mountaincat posted:

A nice day is when it is warm in the sun and cool in the shade. And your family is still alive.

and the moon hasnt crashed into the earth

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 1, 2019 00:05

TheShrike: You mechs may have copper wiring to re-route your fear of pain, but I've got nerves of steel.

hyperbowl - a bowl that has seemingly gained the ability to locomote* at great speeds, can be found in the australian outback

also a reference to that one comic hyperbole post

# ? May 3, 2019 01:52

ghost emoji: oooOooOOOooh

dad convention ends in violence after someone touches the drat thermostat

# ? May 3, 2019 05:18

Manifisto

ghost emoji posted:

dad convention ends in violence after someone touches the drat thermostat

sudden descent into brutal free-for-all after tyke announces "I'm hungry"

ty nesamdoom!

# ? May 3, 2019 09:29

got any sevens: by Cyrano4747

ghost emoji posted:

dad convention ends in violence after someone touches the drat thermostat

they havent allowed a remote inside since the riot of '93

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? May 3, 2019 18:54

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

Manifisto posted:

sudden descent into brutal free-for-all after tyke announces "I'm hungry"

thousands of voices yell in unison "we have food at home!"

# ? May 3, 2019 19:00

Manifisto

canyoneer posted:

thousands of voices yell in unison "we have food at home!"

and yet they are drowned out by the throng roaring "hi hungry I'm dad!"

meanwhile the tyke bursts into tears

ty nesamdoom!

# ? May 3, 2019 19:02

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Tom Hanks was in Saving Mr. Banks with Colin Ferrell
who was in Winter's Tale with Will Smith
who was in Men in Black with Tony Shaloub
who was in The Seige with Bruce Willis
who was in Die Hard 4 with Kevin Smith
who was in Dogma with Alan Rickman
who was in Die Hard with Bruce Willis
who was in Die Hard 2 with Reginald VelJohnson
who was in Turner & Hooch with Tom Hanks
who was in Apollo 13 with Kevin Bacon

# ? May 3, 2019 19:57

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Reginald VelJohnson was in You Again with The Rock
who was in The Other Guys with Samuel L Jackson
who was in Die Hard 3 with Bruce Willis
who was in Loaded Weapon 1 with Samuel L Jackson
who was in Unbreakable with Bruce Willis
who was in Pulp Fiction with Samuel L. Jackson
who was in Jurassic Park with Jeff Goldblum
who was in Independence Day with Will Smith
who was in Anchorman 2 with Will Ferrel
who was in Anchorman with Fred Ward
who was in Remo Williams with Reginald VelJohnson
gently caress

# ? May 3, 2019 19:58

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Bruce Willis degrees of Kevin Bacon

# ? May 3, 2019 20:01

Robot Made of Meat

Cartesian Well Water.

Too disturbing to drink if there is any.

Thanks to Manifisto for the sig!

# ? May 4, 2019 04:20

Karate Bastard

I have an apple.

I have a pen.

Ungh-

Algo-rithm!

# ? May 4, 2019 11:45

mountaincat: The first part is about sand-
wiches. The second part is
about morality.

I put on my best hat and went into the Really Nice Hat Club in my neighborhood. And would you believe it? The man there just said "NO" and pointed at the door.

It's upsetting but not that big a deal I guess. I'm already dressed for the Really Nice Pants Club, so I'll just go over there. I know people at the Really Nice Pants Club.

...

AGAIN???

# ? May 4, 2019 14:48

FactsAreUseless

A pornographic magazine called "Nice Hat, Big Balls."

# ? May 4, 2019 21:33

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOotsq4soug

# ? May 4, 2019 23:26

unpacked robinhood: by Fluffdaddy

A genderswapped underage doomguy goes through an episode called Thai Flesh Consumed

# ? May 5, 2019 19:59

Manifisto

a thread about an imaginary 1970s prog band called "frumpy" would be an amazing thread concept but apparently history beat me to it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk4gxy4wXyE

# ? May 6, 2019 01:52

Cubone: Because it never leaves its bedroom, no one has ever seen this poster's real face.

Manifisto posted:

a thread about an imaginary 1970s prog band called "frumpy" would be an amazing thread concept but apparently history beat me to it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk4gxy4wXyE

haha

# ? May 6, 2019 01:59

redm

somebody once told me dont eat the old pierogi
it aint the sharpest cheese in the bread

_{sig by Manifisto}

# ? May 8, 2019 02:48

Karate Bastard

Power Rangers Special Force

The Power Rangers keep going to the wrong countries to bomb the poo poo out of them and gently caress them right up, due to cognitive disorders. PG-13.

# ? May 8, 2019 10:55

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Do you ever ask questions you already know the answer to?

# ? May 8, 2019 13:47

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Old One worship settles down into middle class normality and suddenly you have to deal with dangerously chipper evangelists for the Reformed Church of the Perilous Squid. I don't want to come to your drat Dreaming BBQ, leave me alone.

# ? May 8, 2019 13:49

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

There's a lady who broke
The up escalator
Now she's buying the stairway to Heaven.

https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4
_{_{Sig elements by Manifisto and Heather Papps}}
Sig File protected by SigLock. do NOT steal this sig!

# ? May 8, 2019 14:14

lol but: body is a dinosaur

mandatory coffee refills (we will not be stopped)

# ? May 8, 2019 18:06

bird.

having a memory palace but its a grocery store

# ? May 10, 2019 22:37

bird.

wait are the facts about J. Edgar Hoover in the eggs aisle... or is that where i remember mysql joins

# ? May 10, 2019 22:39

bird.

shopping for deal on paper towels and remembering 400 digits of pi

# ? May 10, 2019 22:41

Manifisto

going to an actual grocery store and avoiding the cereal aisle because you failed organic chemistry

# ? May 10, 2019 23:22

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

BrownianMotion posted:

wait are the facts about J. Edgar Hoover in the eggs aisle... or is that where i remember mysql joins

my boss, looking up from a print out, "I'd like to start out by saying the Green Lark Grocery Barn loves the site you setup for them, but I have to say there's some really disturbing information in this schema."

Me, nodding, "They were so unfair to Malcolm X."

# ? May 11, 2019 00:22

Manifisto

norse code: fjord fjord . . . fjord vik fjord . . . . vik vik vik fjord . . .

ty nesamdoom!

# ? May 11, 2019 16:19

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# ? May 11, 2024 18:11

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Manifisto posted:

norse code: fjord fjord . . . fjord vik fjord . . . . vik vik vik fjord . . .

# ? May 11, 2019 16:30

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > Jokes that are good but you can't be bothered to develop a thread for

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