GOT: Stick them with the disappointy end

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > GOT: Stick them with the disappointy end

tpink: Feb 18, 2013; Melman

Chinatown posted:

laughing at all the butthurt people who thought that there were character arcs to this show

did any of you watch The Wire?

There's no good or bad side. We are all equally doomed. Get in line.

Or Stringer Bell. Or D�Angelo. Or Prez. loving Ziggy even. :cmon:

# ? May 13, 2019 08:37

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 12:09

Happy Thread: Jul 10, 2005; by Fluffdaddy; Plaster Town Cop

Stringer Bell literally owned a neglected copy of Great Gatsby because his character was a recreation of the arc from that book, as D'Angelo explained onscreen

# ? May 13, 2019 08:40

TenementFunster: Feb 20, 2003; The Cooler King

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

She's crazy but according to my research tonight only gay men and women noticed that.

Straight people are confounded that the woman who burns people for not liking her burned people that didn't like her.

"i'm a war criminal now, i guess!"

# ? May 13, 2019 08:47

DessertStorm: Aug 9, 2013

Dely Apple posted:

the wise bald eunuch bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things. you imbecile. you loving moron"

As much as it sucked for him to die his justification never amounted to much more than 'I'm a messy bitch who lives for drama.' And no one can blame a eunuch for that!

# ? May 13, 2019 08:48

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

TenementFunster posted:

"i'm a war criminal now, i guess!"

- Hillary, first of her name, owner of slaves, defendant of rapists, lawyer of Walmart, Queen of the bloggers and of the thinkpiece writers, breaker of laws, and mother of racists

# ? May 13, 2019 08:58

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

Dumb Lowtax posted:

Stringer Bell literally owned a neglected copy of Great Gatsby because his character was a recreation of the arc from that book, as D'Angelo explained onscreen

Head_exploding.gif

# ? May 13, 2019 08:59

Skypie: Sep 28, 2008

Actually this is all Jon's fault. If he had just porked his aunt one more time, she wouldn't have had a meltdown about needing people to fear her

# ? May 13, 2019 09:06

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

the real heel turn is that piece of poo poo Jon, he definitely needs to die

# ? May 13, 2019 09:10

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

I've been waiting four years for Dany's heel turn and it turned out to be her pouting at the people of King's Landing telling her "okay, gently caress, you can be the queen" and forty-five straight minutes of raw dog war crimes.

This episode loving delivered. I can't even be mad that the most competent villain in the setting got iced by a cripple after losing his entire fleet to a creature he had managed to no-scope triple tag the previous episode. Dany killed so many loving people and unleashed her army of suddenly-not-genocided rapists on the rest, and it's the best thing this garbage show could possibly have done.

Happy mother's day.

Rest in peace, Varys, Qyburn and Jaime's character arc.

# ? May 13, 2019 09:15

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

Imagine if people who actively supported Hillary Clinton clapped for a white lady that built her empire on brown bodies and were mad because someone noticed her war crimes.

It's her turn

# ? May 13, 2019 09:17

bloom: Feb 25, 2017; by sebmojo

lmao that was terrible and I loved it

Why did the show waste so many seasons being just kinda bad when they could reach true depths of awful like they have in this season? With a bit more time this could have been fantasy Dexter.

# ? May 13, 2019 09:25

thatguy: Feb 5, 2003

what is the GoT equivalent of bearded dexter staring empty eyes at the camera and...series end because I want that whatever that is. I'm assuming it's jon killing dany by drowning her in dragonshit after dany kills everybody he's ever known including tormund

# ? May 13, 2019 09:29

extra stout: Feb 24, 2005; ISILDUR's ERR

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

"Go on," said Dany. "How’s it gonna be. We gonna get a little place."

"We’ll have a cow," said Jon. "An’ we’ll have maybe a pig an’ chickens…an’ down the flat we’ll have a …little piece alfalfa—"

"For the dragons," Dany shouted.

"For the dragons," Jon repeated.

"And I get to tend the dragons."

"An’ you get to tend the dragons"

Dany giggled with happiness. "An’ live on the fatta the lan’."

"Yes."

Dany turned her head.

"No, Dany. Look down there acrost the river, like you can almost see the place."

Dany obeyed him. Jon looked down at the gun.

There were crashing footsteps in the brush now. Jon turned and looked toward them.

"Go on, Jon. When we gonna do it?"

"Gonna do it soon."

"Me an’ you."

"You…and me." Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna hurt nobody nor steal from ‘em."

Dany said, "I thought you was mad at me, Jon."

"No," said Jon. "No, Dany. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. That’s a thing I want ya to know."

The voices came closer now. Jon raised the gun and listened to the voices.

Dany begged, "Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now."

"Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta."

And Jon raised the gun and steadied it, and he brought the muzzle of it close to the back of Dany's head. The hand shook violently, but his face set and his hand steadied. He pulled the trigger. The crash of the shot rolled up the hills and rolled down again. Dany jarred, and then settled slowly forward to the sand, and she lay without quivering.

Jon shivered and looked at the gun, and then he threw it from him, back up the bank, near the pile of old ashes.

The brush seemed filled with cries and with the sound of running feet. Tyrion's voice shouted, "Jon. Where you at, Jon?"

But Jon sat stiffly on the bank and looked at his right hand that had thrown the gun away. The group burst into the clearing, and Davos was ahead. He saw Dany lying on the sand. "Got him, by God." He went over and looked down at Dany, and then he looked back at Jon. "Right in the back of the head," He said softly.

Tyrion came directly to George and sat down beside him, sat very close to him. "Never you mind," said Tyrion. "A guy got to sometimes."

But Arya was standing over Jon. "How’d you do it?" she asked.

"I just done it," Jon said tiredly.

"Did he have my gun?"

"Yeah. Tha’s how." Jon's voice was almost a whisper. He looked steadily at his right hand that had held the gun.

Tyrion twitched Jon's elbow. "Come on, Jon. Me an’ you’ll go in an’ get a drink."

Jon let himself be helped to his feet. "Yeah, a drink."

Tyrion said, "You hadda, Jon. I swear you hadda. Come on with me." He led Jon into the entrance of the trail and up toward the highway.

Davos and Arya looked after them. And Arya said, "Now what the hell ya suppose is eatin’ them two guys?"

Goldmine This Thread

# ? May 13, 2019 09:32

bloom: Feb 25, 2017; by sebmojo

# ? May 13, 2019 09:36

extra stout: Feb 24, 2005; ISILDUR's ERR

i hope a dragon burns some more people

# ? May 13, 2019 09:36

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

thatguy posted:

what is the GoT equivalent of bearded dexter staring empty eyes at the camera and...series end because I want that whatever that is. I'm assuming it's jon killing dany by drowning her in dragonshit after dany kills everybody he's ever known including tormund

The last shot of the show being Bran on the Iron Throne.

Which is what actually will happen.

# ? May 13, 2019 09:40

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

bloom posted:

# ? May 13, 2019 09:41

Yolomon Wayne: Jun 10, 2014; You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is; Grimey Drawer

Im just glad they really absolutely wanted to make the hounds death fire-related, so they dropped him off a 300ft wall onto a burning street.

# ? May 13, 2019 09:56

Grevling: Dec 18, 2016

https://twitter.com/MattSepara/status/1125149586773958667

That actually owned.

# ? May 13, 2019 09:59

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

this ending would have been way better if Bronn had actually killed Tyrion.

Jon listens to Sansa and temporarily keeps the Northern army at Winterfell while Dany marches on.

Dany has basically nobody after the ambush. No parlay scene or whatever.

The Golden Company and Unsullied are at a standoff. Maybe Missandei gets sniped or something or Grey Worm dies.

Dany uses the dragon in an act of desperation, and doesn't stop.

Jon of course leaves Winterfell and teleports down to King's Landing to see the apocalypse.

Smirking_Serpent fucked around with this message at 10:21 on May 13, 2019

# ? May 13, 2019 10:15

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Dumb Lowtax posted:

Stringer Bell literally owned a neglected copy of Great Gatsby because his character was a recreation of the arc from that book, as D'Angelo explained onscreen

This is because The Wire is the best show ever made and its worst season would still be the best season of 95% of shows made. Also unlike GoT their last season got shortened because of budget being pulled, not rejecting a blank cheque because your writing has been exposed from lack of GRRM.

# ? May 13, 2019 10:20

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016; What did you say the strategy was?

I hope danaerys threatens innocent northerners with the dragon, forcing jon to marry her in a gone girl style pretend happy marriage. Everyone, including commoners, is miserable but has to pretend to be happy because if anyone steps out of line they get shanked by unsullied or burnt by the dragon.

The last scene is danaerys and jon sitting on thrones (mad queen on be Iron throne, jon on a lovely one) holding hands, danaerys with a smile and jon with a thousand yard stare.

# ? May 13, 2019 10:21

Drunken Baker: Feb 3, 2015; VODKA STYLE DRINK

Was the name of the building that fell on Cersie really called "The Little brother"? lol

# ? May 13, 2019 10:27

Necros: Jul 23, 2003

ilmucche posted:

The last scene is danaerys and jon sitting on thrones (mad queen on be Iron throne, jon on a lovely one) holding hands, danaerys with a smile and jon with a thousand yard stare.

shes wearing leopard print leggings. jon sticks his hand in his pants. a toilet flushes. credits roll.

# ? May 13, 2019 10:30

BigglesSWE: Dec 2, 2014; How 'bout them hawks news huh!

Drunken Baker posted:

Was the name of the building that fell on Cersie really called "The Little brother"? lol

Too subtle IMO. Should've named it "The Little Person".

# ? May 13, 2019 10:30

Yolomon Wayne: Jun 10, 2014; You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is; Grimey Drawer

Drunken Baker posted:

Was the name of the building that fell on Cersie really called "The Little brother"? lol

Someone elaborate.
Is this really the end to the prophecy?

# ? May 13, 2019 10:37

Dapper_Swindler: Feb 14, 2012; Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

I've been waiting four years for Dany's heel turn and it turned out to be her pouting at the people of King's Landing telling her "okay, gently caress, you can be the queen" and forty-five straight minutes of raw dog war crimes.

This episode loving delivered. I can't even be mad that the most competent villain in the setting got iced by a cripple after losing his entire fleet to a creature he had managed to no-scope triple tag the previous episode. Dany killed so many loving people and unleashed her army of suddenly-not-genocided rapists on the rest, and it's the best thing this garbage show could possibly have done.

Happy mother's day.

Rest in peace, Varys, Qyburn and Jaime's character arc.

this. I have never liked show dany. people bitch about jon getting stupid lucky and he does but at least he suffers for his actions, multiple times. Dany never really has until this season and it broke her brain. can't wait for this poo poo to end like of mice and men. also, lol at all these people on twitter being so upset about the loving heelturn everyone saw coming years ago. good job naming your kid after a downy war criminal.

# ? May 13, 2019 10:37

Methanar: Sep 26, 2013; by the sex ghost

I wanted to like this

# ? May 13, 2019 10:37

Methanar: Sep 26, 2013; by the sex ghost

Methanar posted:

# ? May 13, 2019 10:37

bloom: Feb 25, 2017; by sebmojo

thatguy posted:

what is the GoT equivalent of bearded dexter staring empty eyes at the camera and...series end because I want that whatever that is. I'm assuming it's jon killing dany by drowning her in dragonshit after dany kills everybody he's ever known including tormund

Jon kills the mad fire queen and heads up north by himself. The final scene is him alone by a campfire in a wintery forest. A close-up of Jon's face shows the reflection of the fire in his eyes. The camera pans down and he has a massive erection.

~fin~

# ? May 13, 2019 10:38

BigglesSWE: Dec 2, 2014; How 'bout them hawks news huh!

Methanar posted:

Godfuckingdamnit I almost cackled out loud in a classroom of just 5 students (me included) and our professor.

# ? May 13, 2019 10:42

spaceblancmange: Apr 19, 2018; #essereFerrari

A GLISTENING HODOR posted:

"Go on," said Dany. "How’s it gonna be. We gonna get a little place."

"We’ll have a cow," said Jon. "An’ we’ll have maybe a pig an’ chickens…an’ down the flat we’ll have a …little piece alfalfa—"

"For the dragons," Dany shouted.

"For the dragons," Jon repeated.

"And I get to tend the dragons."

"An’ you get to tend the dragons"

Dany giggled with happiness. "An’ live on the fatta the lan’."

"Yes."

Dany turned her head.

"No, Dany. Look down there acrost the river, like you can almost see the place."

Dany obeyed him. Jon looked down at the gun.

There were crashing footsteps in the brush now. Jon turned and looked toward them.

"Go on, Jon. When we gonna do it?"

"Gonna do it soon."

"Me an’ you."

"You…and me." Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna hurt nobody nor steal from ‘em."

Dany said, "I thought you was mad at me, Jon."

"No," said Jon. "No, Dany. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. That’s a thing I want ya to know."

The voices came closer now. Jon raised the gun and listened to the voices.

Dany begged, "Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now."

"Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta."

And Jon raised the gun and steadied it, and he brought the muzzle of it close to the back of Dany's head. The hand shook violently, but his face set and his hand steadied. He pulled the trigger. The crash of the shot rolled up the hills and rolled down again. Dany jarred, and then settled slowly forward to the sand, and she lay without quivering.

Jon shivered and looked at the gun, and then he threw it from him, back up the bank, near the pile of old ashes.

The brush seemed filled with cries and with the sound of running feet. Tyrion's voice shouted, "Jon. Where you at, Jon?"

But Jon sat stiffly on the bank and looked at his right hand that had thrown the gun away. The group burst into the clearing, and Davos was ahead. He saw Dany lying on the sand. "Got him, by God." He went over and looked down at Dany, and then he looked back at Jon. "Right in the back of the head," He said softly.

Tyrion came directly to George and sat down beside him, sat very close to him. "Never you mind," said Tyrion. "A guy got to sometimes."

But Arya was standing over Jon. "How’d you do it?" she asked.

"I just done it," Jon said tiredly.

"Did he have my gun?"

"Yeah. Tha’s how." Jon's voice was almost a whisper. He looked steadily at his right hand that had held the gun.

Tyrion twitched Jon's elbow. "Come on, Jon. Me an’ you’ll go in an’ get a drink."

Jon let himself be helped to his feet. "Yeah, a drink."

Tyrion said, "You hadda, Jon. I swear you hadda. Come on with me." He led Jon into the entrance of the trail and up toward the highway.

Davos and Arya looked after them. And Arya said, "Now what the hell ya suppose is eatin’ them two guys?"

wow

# ? May 13, 2019 10:46

Dapper_Swindler: Feb 14, 2012; Im glad my instant dislike in you has been validated again and again.

Methanar posted:

do more please. also i hope its like the movie.

Dapper_Swindler fucked around with this message at 10:50 on May 13, 2019

# ? May 13, 2019 10:46

ulex minor: Apr 30, 2018

same

# ? May 13, 2019 11:19

Kak: Sep 27, 2002

Necros posted:

shes wearing leopard print leggings. jon sticks his hand in his pants. a toilet flushes. credits roll.

Jooooooooon! Let�s have sex!

No, Dany.

*toilet flushes*

*crowd hoots and hollers*

# ? May 13, 2019 11:46

Tinfoil Papercut: Jul 27, 2016; by Athanatos

Why does Varys stick around to write his missives about Jon? Couldn't he have done that somewhere else, like Pentos or Winterfell? Doesn't he know secret ways out of Dragonstone? Doesn't he have informers to let him know his life is in danger? Why would he just hang out there if he really thought that about Danerys?

Why does Cersei the northern army setup camp right below the walls of King's Landing? Why doesn't she shoot them with the scorpions? How come Danerys can evade the entire scorpion barrage of the iron fleet PLUS the ones mounted on the walls of KL, when in the last episode she couldn't? Did she get advanced dragon flying classes? Did Euron forget how to aim? Did the scorpions go out of calibration? Why didn't Danerys flamespray the Iron Fleet in the last episode?

Why doesn't Danerys wait for more reinforcements from Dorne and/or the Riverlands / Iron Islands? Didn't she say she wanted a spectacle? Wouldn't it be helpful if the other high lords of Westeros were there to bear witness? Wouldn't their armies have helped?

How did Jamie escape the camp after Tyrion freed him? How did Jamie or Arya and the Hound get into King's Landing at all? Does nobody recognize Jamie or the Hound? How did Euron wash up right at the beachfront where Jamie was? How did Jamie survive being stabbed twice and then climb several hundred feet of cliff face into the Red Keep? Why did the Hound even bring Arya with him if he was just going to try to convince her to turn around anyway?

Why does the Mountain fail to listen to Qyburn when he gives orders? Is he an undead monster, or is it still his old self who hates his brother? How is it that the Hound can take down four Kingsguard (read: the best knights in Westeros) in a few seconds, but can't manage to decapitate his brother who hasn't yet drawn his sword?

Why did the horse from Neverending Story show up at the end?

WHYYYYYY?

# ? May 13, 2019 11:50

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I don't watch the show and lol at people getting mad at these spoilers but is grrm really not involved at all now?

# ? May 13, 2019 11:51

ulex minor: Apr 30, 2018

Tinfoil Papercut posted:

WHYYYYYY?

you just had your mind blown, you obviously never saw this coming, be grateful

# ? May 13, 2019 11:53

The Anime Liker: Aug 8, 2009; by VideoGames

Jose posted:

I don't watch the show and lol at people getting mad at these spoilers but is grrm really not involved at all now?

GRRM bowed out in season 4 to focus on writing lmao

# ? May 13, 2019 11:54

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# ? Jun 10, 2024 12:09

Lid: Feb 18, 2005; And the mercy seat is awaiting,
And I think my head is burning,
And in a way I'm yearning,
To be done with all this measuring of proof.
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth,
And anyway I told the truth,
And I'm not afraid to die.

Jose posted:

I don't watch the show and lol at people getting mad at these spoilers but is grrm really not involved at all now?

Unofficially they had a falling out at before season 5 over the shows direction, he hasn't written for the show since season 4 and he's been very much emphasising that this show isn't what he would've done. Some of the beats are the same but only in broadstrokes and he's distanced himself a bit from it in D&D being terrible writers and how they treat the characters/politics.

# ? May 13, 2019 11:55

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