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Or that women are capable of being a part of toxic masculinity just as much as men.
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May 19, 2019 18:47
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Sounds like people should respect each other more in general tbh. The stories in this thread are proof that humans gleefully hurt each other for very little reason and justification. Maybe do less of that and things would be better idk.
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May 19, 2019 18:47
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Sjs00 posted:So what? I can write but I never do because of the toxic reactions I get instantly. Geez So maybe don’t try to flex on someone else for posting earnestly?
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May 19, 2019 18:47
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Sjs00 posted:I really don't understand what people want? You forgot your #NotAllMen hashtag
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May 19, 2019 18:47
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I assume we're all childless right, being goons and all? Oh you're not? Well I'll try not to alert the raiders of your kids hiding spots in a few years with my long tirades
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May 19, 2019 18:47
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HIJK posted:Sounds like people should respect each other more in general tbh. The stories in this thread are proof that humans gleefully hurt each other for very little reason and justification. Maybe do less of that and things would be better idk. Sounds difficult. What if I want their stuff?
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May 19, 2019 18:48
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FoolyCharged posted:Or that women are capable of being a part of toxic masculinity just as much as men. Men still have yet to acknowledge that they ARE part of it. We are still firmly in the “blame women for how men feel” era, as you are demonstrating. Maybe men can take some responsibility first and then we can, you know, loop women in on round 2.
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May 19, 2019 18:48
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HIJK posted:Sounds like people should respect each other more in general tbh. The stories in this thread are proof that humans gleefully hurt each other for very little reason and justification. Maybe do less of that and things would be better idk. But what if hurting people is fun, and I like doing it? Is there a way that I can hurt people and feel justified?
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May 19, 2019 18:49
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MasBrillante posted:Men still have yet to acknowledge that they ARE part of it. We are still firmly in the “blame women for how men feel” era, as you are demonstrating. Maybe men can take some responsibility first and then we can, you know, loop women in on round 2. I mean, everyone should acknowledge that they are part of it. The only solution is hidden in empathy. We should (hopefully) be able to understand that most everyone who isn't rich is getting the short end of the stick when it comes to our interactions with society.
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May 19, 2019 18:50
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What exactly does 'taking responsibility' look like to you? As far as I can tell, lots of men in our corners of the world have stopped raiding enemy villages and siring dozens of bastards and killing the husband's of women they rape. We've changed a lot as creatures, and there's a whole community of men who are literal beta in the purest form. They walk around in public with flip flops and sweatpants and carry the children without complaint while their women swipe right without guilt
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May 19, 2019 18:52
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as fun as it is watching sa meet its first terf I wanna read about pathetic people from a distance... more /r/relationships please.
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May 19, 2019 18:54
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Literally A Person posted:I mean, everyone should acknowledge that they are part of it. The only solution is hidden in empathy. We should (hopefully) be able to understand that most everyone who isn't rich is getting the short end of the stick when it comes to our interactions with society. Just because class is another access of inequality doesn’t mean you get to just equate manhood with the experience of “not being rich.” How do you think, for example, poor gay men of color figure into that calculus? Gender is another axis of privilege and inequality. Men victimize each other with toxic masculinity. Their priority then should be changing that behavior to stop harming themselves and each other. Acknowledging this does not mean you lack empathy. There is a major difference between an analysis of systems and how they affect populations and the way you would look at a given individual’s situation. It doesn’t help anyone to just throw your hands up and go “let’s all be nicer!” because people clearly don’t agree on what that means.
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May 19, 2019 18:55
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Motherfucker posted:as fun as it is watching sa meet its first terf I wanna read about pathetic people from a distance... more /r/relationships please. where's the terf content, anywhere?? that's an attempted conversation-bombing non sequiter
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May 19, 2019 18:56
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Patrick Spens posted:But what if hurting people is fun, and I like doing it? Is there a way that I can hurt people and feel justified? 2019 and you haven't heard of BDSM
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May 19, 2019 18:57
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MasBrillante posted:Just because class is another access of inequality doesn’t mean you get to just equate manhood with the experience of “not being rich.” How do you think, for example, poor gay men of color figure into that calculus? Gender is another axis of privilege and inequality. Men victimize each other with toxic masculinity. Their priority then should be changing that behavior to stop harming themselves and each other. Acknowledging this does not mean you lack empathy. There is a major difference between an analysis of systems and how they affect populations and the way you would look at a given individual’s situation. It doesn’t help anyone to just throw your hands up and go “let’s all be nicer!” because people clearly don’t agree on what that means. I'm pretty sure everyone knows the mechanics of being a good person to other people. Some people just create intricate scenarios in their minds that allow them to not. I'm not saying that everyone's experience in the world is the same I'm just saying that understanding that and trying your best to put yourself in someone else's shoes is a really good way to start to understand your place in the world and how you effect other people's lives. Also, I can't help that my favorite level of inquiry is econ. I just believe that Marx was right and the structure we have built sits atop a foundation of economics.
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May 19, 2019 18:58
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my favorite internet discussions are men working out the exact circumstances when hitting a hypothetical woman would be o.k.
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May 19, 2019 18:58
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MasBrillante posted:Wow, the lack of accountability is...I was going to say astounding but actually just very typical. Men just HAD to adapt. They were FORCE FED media (that they created and marketed and profited from, lol). To read some of you all’s posts you’d think misogynist media and institutions just appeared out of thin air. I don't see how that's contradictory? You can acknowledge that toxic masculinity and stereotypes are perpetuated by mostly old white guys in power, but that doesn't lessen the pain that boys/men feel. One in six black boys has been sexually assaulted, but they're not the ones marketing and profiting off of stereotypes. On a lighter note: AITA for saying my religion is the Flying Spaghetti Monster? (self.AmItheAsshole) quote:So for a class discussion we had to do a short presentation on something we have a strong belief in. Could be religion, politics, etc. The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: I (16M) am an atheist
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May 19, 2019 18:59
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AITA for telling my husband he can’t have his nieces/nephews over at our house even when I’m not there? Married 5 years, no children. So I have some baggage, first and foremost. I was the oldest of 5 and my mom was an abusive alcoholic. Dad not in the picture. I was forced to raise my younger sibs as a result and hated it. I really had no childhood and went back to college in my late 20s because I never had the chance to focus on myself. As a result I really cannot stand children until the age of 14. I can’t stand their shrieks, their erratic movements, their whining, their sticky hands, their drool. I can go on. My husband and I are both childless and we’re happy that way. Two years ago my husbands brother and sisters started popping out children nearly at the same time. He now has a niece and nephew both under 2 year old. They live about 30-40 minutes away. My husband wants his sister and her baby to come over during the day (he works from home) so they can have lunch or walks together. He needs to stay at ours in order to work, but they like the idea of spending an hour together in the middle of the day while my SIL plays with her baby for 2-3 hrs. I really don’t feel comfortable with this and have told him so. There’s something deeply uncomfortable with having young children in my living space, even when I’m not there. I would hate coming home to the smell of diapers or baby food or spit up. We’re fighting because my husband thinks I’m being unreasonable to ban all children from our home even when I’m not there. I think since it’s our shared home I should get a say on which guests can enter. AITA?
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May 19, 2019 19:00
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AITA for my taking away my son’s car keys, and canceling his phone plan for the rest of the summer? My son is 16. A few weeks ago as a gift for making a HUGE turn around in school (he went from a typical B-C student to getting honor roll, perfect 4.0, AP classes, etc), my wife and I decided to gift for my son a car. We felt like he deserved it for his incredible work ethic and dedicate his time towards his school work. Almost every day this week, he’s been out ALL day. No problem by us; of course he’s going to be enjoying his freedom. Well he forgot his phone on the kitchen table. I thought it was mine (everyone in the family has the same phone, and my son and I have the same case), so I just put my fingerprint in and it let me in. Now would be a good time to mention my son is gay. He’s known since he was 12 and my wife and I have been nothing but supportive. Well, the phone opened straight to Grindr. I was confused as gently caress but more infuriated that my teenaged son is on an adult hook-up app. I probably shouldn’t have, but I had to know whether he was just killing time (in which case, I probably would’ve pretended I didn’t see anything), or if he was actually using it for its intended purposes, so I peeked through his messages. And sure enough, he’s been seeing almost a different guy every day (4 total in 8 days, judging from his message history). Ages ranged from 18 to in the upper 20s This was COMPLETELY unacceptable and I stormed in his room and asked him what the gently caress did he think he was doing on Grindr. He said it’s not a big deal and why was I going through his phone anyways. I said because I bought it, it’s mine, and I don’t know what the hell he thinks he’s doing on a hook-up app as a teenager. I told him that he’s a kid and WELL below the age of consent in our state (18). He can get these guys in a lot of trouble and even if it was legal, he’s IN HIGH SCHOOL. He ultimately tried to say that it’s his life and that he can do whatever he wants and to leave him alone. I told he’s right; it’s his life, and if he wants to not abide by rules in this house, that’s fine, but there will be consequences. I guess he didn’t take my seriously because he just shrugged, so I just walked in his room, took his car keys, and left. He didn’t notice or didn’t care because he didn’t say anything until later when he asked for them and I said absolutely not; he’s shown that he cannot be responsible and it’s no longer his car until he proves otherwise. I also told his mom (my wife) and she thought I was too lenient, so to top it off, we plan to cancel his phone plan as well. The idea is to make it as hard as possible if he decided to continue to try to go behind our backs. My son’s been non-stop bitching about how horrible and cruel we’re being to him mixed with a bunch of crocodile tears. Needed to come here to double check me and the wife aren’t being unreasonable. TLDR- Son’s was on Grindr. Grounded him. Are we assholes?
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May 19, 2019 19:00
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Literally A Person posted:I'm pretty sure everyone knows the mechanics of being a good person to other people. Some people just create intricate scenarios in their minds that allow them to not. I'm not saying that everyone's experience in the world is the same I'm just saying that understanding that and trying your best to put yourself in someone else's shoes is a really good way to start to understand your place in the world and how you effect other people's lives. This loving thread is proof that everyone doesn’t know. Other examples: party political systems where parties run on completely different moral platforms. Pretending everyone agrees is equivalent to not caring. You might as well not even argue that people should be more empathetic if you can’t acknowledge what actual limits people’s empathy.
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May 19, 2019 19:01
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ghost emoji posted:I don't see how that's contradictory? You can acknowledge that toxic masculinity and stereotypes are perpetuated by mostly old white guys in power, but that doesn't lessen the pain that boys/men feel. One in six black boys has been sexually assaulted, but they're not the ones marketing and profiting off of stereotypes. I’m sorry; I can’t respond to all these quote posts without just derailing the gently caress out of the thread but if you really what to know, I will PM you a genuine answer.
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May 19, 2019 19:02
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Pick posted:where's the terf content, anywhere?? that's an attempted conversation-bombing non sequiter I really wish the conversation WOULD bomb. I don't actually know what the lefty word for 'man hating woman with a poor grasp of gender and gender politics' is. Also it never came up because they tactfully ignored my question. Still, I dunno what you call a woman whose position boils down to 'there are only two genders and one of them is evil.
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May 19, 2019 19:03
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AITA For Ghosting Mid Date? So I matched with this woman on tinder and things were going alright. Threw a few jokes and she just replied with, "tomorrow is my birthday" and eluded to wanting to hang out. I thought why not, I don't have anything going on. She was going to celebrate with her family on Friday and wanted to meet up for a beer on Saturday. Fast forward to Saturday she messages me the location of the bar and wants me to come because she's lonely on her birthday. Well as soon as I show up I buy a beer and she wants to leave. I should have seen this as a red flag already because I didn't even really get to know her through one beer. As soon as we get into my car she tells me that we can't go to her place as her son is home with a date and that would be weird. She wants me to pay for a hotel-not even knowing anything but her name and that she has a grown son (yes I know she was older but she had the hole milf thing going on.) At this point I'm a little taken aback by the forwardness and having to suddenly foot the bill for a hotel room that I don't want to pay for. She changes her mind shortly after I tell her I don't even know her yet and wants to drive 30 minutes away to a bar in a more happening part of town. I'm a little irritated at this point and she starts to say "it's my birthday!". As we're driving she starts to tell me how she wants more kids and criticizing me for not having any. Now all that's running through my head is to get her out of my car as fast as I can. So I pull up to a gas station and give her 20 bucks and say that I need a 6 pack for later in the night and I'm gonna pump some gas for the trip to the bar and back. I watch her go in and don't even swipe my card but pretend to start pumping gas. As soon as the coast was clear I put the pump back, got in my car, drove away and unmatched her on tinder so she couldn't contact me. So am I the rear end in a top hat here? The gas station I left her at was only a few blocks from the bar we left and there are plenty of rideshares in the area as well.
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May 19, 2019 19:03
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I think a huge part of it should be the men in positions of influence calling other men out on their toxic masculinity. So as a stereotypical example, a well - respected high school sports coach calling out his adult peers, students, and parents when they engage in a sexist and toxic behavior. Normally pushback gets dismissed as the complainer being weak, self serving, or effeminate. But if it is someone they already respect, they will take the feedback more seriously.
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May 19, 2019 19:04
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Panfilo posted:I think a huge part of it should be the men in positions of influence calling other men out on their toxic masculinity. So as a stereotypical example, a well - respected high school sports coach calling out his adult peers, students, and parents when they engage in a sexist and toxic behavior. Normally pushback gets dismissed as the complainer being weak, self serving, or effeminate. But if it is someone they already respect, they will take the feedback more seriously. a good example is freakin terry crews good on you terry crews 
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May 19, 2019 19:06
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Have you guys seen Assassination Nation? It's a great film about this very topic.
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May 19, 2019 19:06
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MasBrillante posted:This loving thread is proof that everyone doesn’t know. Other examples: party political systems where parties run on completely different moral platforms. Pretending everyone agrees is equivalent to not caring. You might as well not even argue that people should be more empathetic if you can’t acknowledge what actual limits people’s empathy. But those limits are self-imposed. That's kind of what I'm getting at. I think, and of course I have nothing to back this up just my own feelings, that basically every person (excluding like sociopaths and such) has the ability to be empathetic enough to at least allow others to lead the life they want without judgment or roadblocks. I mean, I hope that's the case....
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May 19, 2019 19:06
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA For Ghosting Mid Date? How does this guy manage to get into and drive a car with no spine? My god.
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May 19, 2019 19:09
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....Yes. They're the exact things that make life so horrible for women and turn them into second class citizens. It's just another symptom of the toxically patriarchal society. To claim it doesn't exist is really stupid, and is basically saying that women don't have it that bad (lol at that). The fact that men are victims too is what makes the cycle worse, and just adds that much fuel to the fire that is mistreatment of women in our society. Good role models and more emotional bonds for men would make them easy more empathetic to people that aren't men, and not make them so emotionally retarded/violent.
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May 19, 2019 19:12
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Cat Army
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for my taking away my son’s car keys, and canceling his phone plan for the rest of the summer? This guys a drat good dad. Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for telling my husband he can’t have his nieces/nephews over at our house even when I’m not there? I can empathize with her... but yeah, still an rear end in a top hat.
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May 19, 2019 19:12
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Motherfucker posted:I really wish the conversation WOULD bomb. I don't actually know what the lefty word for 'man hating woman with a poor grasp of gender and gender politics' is. Also it never came up because they tactfully ignored my question. Still, I dunno what you call a woman whose position boils down to 'there are only two genders and one of them is evil. I ignored you because you used a loving anti-trans slur you piece of poo poo
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May 19, 2019 19:15
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Miserable Maid posted:retarded ok yep this thread is a literal hate group. gently caress you, I’m out
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May 19, 2019 19:16
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carry on then posted:I ignored you because you used a loving anti-trans slur you piece of poo poo Like... in the past?
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May 19, 2019 19:16
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Sjs00 posted:What exactly does 'taking responsibility' look like to you? As far as I can tell, lots of men in our corners of the world have stopped raiding enemy villages and siring dozens of bastards and killing the husband's of women they rape. We've changed a lot as creatures, and there's a whole community of men who are literal beta in the purest form. They walk around in public with flip flops and sweatpants and carry the children without complaint while their women swipe right without guilt Oof ... Bud.... Uh
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May 19, 2019 19:17
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My (F22) boyfriend (M31) of three years won’t stop using dating apps. I think it’s time for me to leave. Since we met my boyfriend has been on and off of tinder, I’ve been very clear that it hurts me but he always defended it as just him ‘wanting an ego boost’. A few months ago we had a major argument about it where I threatened to leave and I honestly thought that was going to be the end of it. Pretty naive, really. Also I should note his ex before me left him for this very reason- I feel like an idiot for thinking he’d ever change. Today I woke up and realised he’d been using my phone and his email was logged in. I noticed he’d gotten an email from an app called hinge- just to give you an idea of the kind of app this is, the description read: ‘the app that was designed to be deleted’. Great. My stomach instantly dropped. I logged into it with his phone number and he’s put up profile pictures of him that I’ve taken when we’ve been on days out together?! In his description he’s got things like ‘we’ll get along if you like Chinese and have a dog, if you’re silly and comfortable and over share’. He’s also put in as a strict preference that he wants to be matched with hindus/muslims only. I’m white british. I knew something was going on yesterday but wasn’t sure what, he was acting differently and it was making me so anxious. He had the nerve to tell me that I must just be hormonal? I think the worst part about it is his reaction to all of this- he heard me crying, acted concerned and then saw me with his phone, at which point he just took it from me and went back to bed. That was about an hour ago and the only interaction I’ve had with him since was him asking me to open the bathroom door... not to see if I was okay, but because he needed to pee. This post sounds like a joke at this point. I’m obviously hurt by the fact that he’s on this thing but I think I’m more shocked by his total lack of guilt or response to me being upset. I’m so angry and there’s nothing I can do with it- I’m so embarrassed about the situation I don’t want to tell my family/friends how he’s treated me, and I can’t even talk to him about it because he’s refusing to address anything’s wrong, he’s still in bed. I don’t know what to do. He’s brought my self esteem down so much that I feel like I can’t be without him, but I know i can’t stay in this situation. Should I even bother trying to talk to him or should I just leave? I’ve taken screenshots of everything and initially I was going to send them to his family but thought against it. The thing is, if I just leave there’s literally zero consequences for him. He gets what he wants, he gets the freedom to go on random dates with no guilt. It just seems so loving unfair that I’m the one left heartbroken and he gets to party up. I know the majority of replies are going to tell me to leave, and I can’t argue with you there. But how do I quell this need for closure/revenge? TLDR: caught my boyfriend of three years on another dating app, he’s refusing to even acknowledge the fact that I’m upset. Don’t know what to do. UPDATE: So within the hour after I'd initially written this post I got myself and my stuff together, packed it in my car and left. It felt impossible, there was a lot of stuff and I was a wreck but I managed it in the end. Throughout the whole time, he was just in bed pretending to sleep, which made me angry more than anything. I felt like he couldn't care less. We'd been living together for two years but fortunately, in September I'd decided to get my own student apartment- obviously, I knew then that things weren't going well and thank god I made that decision because now I have a place to stay. Whilst I was sat on the driveway in my car ready to leave I got a text from him saying 'I'm not going to insult you by asking you to stay or to come back but could you please leave the keys to the house'. I had already left them, but that last dig at me made me so mad and hurt. No apology, no goodbye just 'leave the keys'. I guess that's my closure. So currently I'm just sitting in bed with my stuff all around me in bags reading through these comments, and have been for the last couple of hours. Thank you for the support, even the comments that were harsh I greatly appreciate- it just gave me a wake-up call and a kick up the rear end to sort my life out. I'm sad that this shitshow of a relationship has come to an end, angry that it happened the way it did- but funnily enough, I'm relieved. I can do what I want now and get on top of my self-esteem issues. I'm driving down to see my mum and the rest of the family tomorrow, I haven't seen them since Christmas and I absolutely cannot wait. The anger's still there, but I'm just going to get on with things. I absolutely cannot waste any more energy on that guy. Any advice for my newly single life/getting him out of my head?
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May 19, 2019 19:18
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Motherfucker posted:I really wish the conversation WOULD bomb. I don't actually know what the lefty word for 'man hating woman with a poor grasp of gender and gender politics' Radfem.
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May 19, 2019 19:18
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Patrick Spens posted:Radfem. Hey I think there could well be sane people in that group... not these people but others.
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May 19, 2019 19:19
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carry on then posted:ok yep this thread is a literal hate group. gently caress you, I’m out Oh gently caress off. MasBrillante and Pick are actually arguing points and clearly care, you're just a hypocritical jerk. Edit: I do apologise for using that word though, wasn't cool Miserable Maid fucked around with this message at 19:22 on May 19, 2019 |
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May 19, 2019 19:19
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MasBrillante posted:Just because class is another access of inequality doesn’t mean you get to just equate manhood with the experience of “not being rich.” How do you think, for example, poor gay men of color figure into that calculus? Gender is another axis of privilege and inequality. Men victimize each other with toxic masculinity. Their priority then should be changing that behavior to stop harming themselves and each other. Acknowledging this does not mean you lack empathy. There is a major difference between an analysis of systems and how they affect populations and the way you would look at a given individual’s situation. It doesn’t help anyone to just throw your hands up and go “let’s all be nicer!” because people clearly don’t agree on what that means. I'd wager it starts with not telling people to accept responsibility for the women who mocked them for displaying emotions.
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May 19, 2019 19:20
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does everyone remember the guy who watched VR porn of his sister-in-law? So the saga has a final chapter: TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it... This is his now ex-wife. Did he not realize, or too dumb to remember we share everything, including the same Reddit app? I logged on to see this throwaway as the default login account. I’ve removed all of this personal story for my family’s protection and changed this account’s password. Although it might be too late and already circulated online. I took a look through the comments and was seriously disgusted by most of the responses suggesting to sexually approach both of us last night. Which my sister did mention he tried something in the middle of the night, this guy is incredibly living in another world! I’m only posting this to reassure everyone thinking he got away with it, that these types of scumbags DO NOT. I came home yesterday with my sister to pack my poo poo. I saw his update saying I seemed alright, but I was keeping it in for the next morning. Reason we slept in the living-room is because I didn’t want him to see my bags in the corner of the bedroom, he came home suddenly before I finished packing. It wasn’t “fun camping” or a “picnic”. This morning, before he woke-up, we grabbed the rest of my stuff and left. I went to the bank and froze our joint account before he irresponsibly starts taking cash out. I’m not seeing him anymore, going to lawyer up, give away all this Reddit gold to the comments that I feel were actually reasonable, and divorce his rear end. Oh, and if you can read this, I’ve deleted the tracking app  my lawyer will call you to unfreeze your share and take the steps to unlink me from any other tracking apps you might have on me.TL;DR: His life is ruined.
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May 19, 2019 19:22
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