Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Talk About Idiots! We can't stop here, this is Ba'ath country!

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Sarah: Apr 4, 2005; I'm watching you.

bulletsponge13 posted:

Yo, question for medico type goons. Had a knee replacement in Feb. Everything went well, kicking rear end at PT, that's all great. What isn't, is that every since the surgery nothing tastes right. I've read that it's not an uncommon side effect, but it's typically temporary. This has been going on since then, and doesn't seem temporary. Anyone else dealt with this? Should I expect this to be my life now?

Anesthesia can have that effect sometimes. It should wear off.

If it doesn�t in 2-3 months (I really don�t want to frighten you but you should know) look into what material your implant is made out of. There�s a really good documentary on Netflix called The Bleeding Edge about cobalt implants and the effect they had on patients.

# ? May 28, 2019 14:28

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# ? May 29, 2024 14:35

Bored As Fuck: Jan 1, 2006; Fun Shoe

Yeah my dad had the same side effect after open heart surgery. Nothing tasted right for about 4 months, but he was hosed up and weak as poo poo from the surgery for about two of those months.

But yeah your taste buds should recover.

# ? May 28, 2019 15:21

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Could find anything directly about the topic in a quick search of journals, but I did find this:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26631478

Long-term pharmacologic blockade effects from analgesia sounds legit interesting to study.

# ? May 28, 2019 16:46

bulletsponge13: Apr 28, 2010

All the stuff I found in my dirty searches showed it should have disappeared by now, but it loving sucks. Nothing I enjoy tastes like it did before.

# ? May 28, 2019 17:02

BigDave: Jul 14, 2009; Taste the High Country

https://twitter.com/AdamWeinstein/status/1133214406639267841?s=19

Presented without comment.

# ? May 28, 2019 21:51

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

CE at the Deid had "Make the Deid Great Again" scrawled on poo poo all over the place, sometimes with Donnie's ugly bloated face. I didn't think it was worthwhile getting caught vandalizing a T barrier so I just ignored them for the most part.

# ? May 28, 2019 22:23

ulmont: Sep 15, 2010; IF I EVER MISS VOTING IN AN ELECTION (EVEN AMERICAN IDOL) ,OR HAVE UNPAID PARKING TICKETS, PLEASE TAKE AWAY MY FRANCHISE

Cenen posted:

Oh man I hate to spoil MRE chat but I remembered a good one. Just the entirety of how lovely medical equipment is in the military and how I�m surprised Al Udeid only had one AIDS scare.

My best man had a pretty impressive AIDS scare that is also a total military fuckup story. So he gets the call. And this is Desert Storm timeframe, so AIDS is still a death sentence.

And at the end of the call, after explaining he's got AIDS, he's gonna die, etc. etc...

"...sorry to have to break the news like this, Captain Smith."

"...wait. Captain Smith? I'm Sergeant Smith."

"...oh. Sorry, then. Have a good day."

# ? May 29, 2019 03:45

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Edit: ^

Casimir Radon posted:

CE at the Deid had "Make the Deid Great Again" scrawled on poo poo all over the place, sometimes with Donnie's ugly bloated face. I didn't think it was worthwhile getting caught vandalizing a T barrier so I just ignored them for the most part.

Oh, so they're going to let the cadillacs go to hell again?

# ? May 29, 2019 04:25

Cenen: Apr 7, 2011

Anyone ever figure out why vents and grates on Middle East military bases just loving glow ominously sometimes? The cadillac at the Kuwait Transit center had a glower, Al Udeid had at least a couple glowers and sometimes the vent in my room in the BPC would glow. At least for the one in the room we seriously tried every combination of lights in the rooms to recreate it but couldn�t. Don�t remember any glowing vents or grates in Iraq.

# ? May 29, 2019 04:54

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Godholio posted:

Edit: ^

Oh, so they're going to let the cadillacs go to hell again?

Ours had the water pump fail at one point. They didn't manage to get it closed until guys had filled every toilet with poo poo. It was down for at least a couple weeks. Which meant a quarter mile round trip to the next closest one every time you needed to piss. When you're drinking 6 bottles of water a day at a minimum that turns into a lot of trips.

The thermostat on my air conditioner broke so it was blasting the coldest air it could manage 24/7. I had a great time explaining to the idiot girl who CE had on phones pretty much any time I ever called that if it continued like that the whole unit was probably going to die, and I didn't want to be completely without a/c for a day or two. One of my friends ended up screaming at her over the phone later after one of the units on an equipment shelter failed and she couldn't be made to understand that it was an emergency.

# ? May 29, 2019 05:19

my kinda ape: Sep 15, 2008; Everything's gonna be A-OK; Oven Wrangler

Cenen posted:

Anyone ever figure out why vents and grates on Middle East military bases just loving glow ominously sometimes? The cadillac at the Kuwait Transit center had a glower, Al Udeid had at least a couple glowers and sometimes the vent in my room in the BPC would glow. At least for the one in the room we seriously tried every combination of lights in the rooms to recreate it but couldn�t. Don�t remember any glowing vents or grates in Iraq.

djinn

# ? May 29, 2019 07:27

A Bad Poster: Sep 25, 2006; Seriously, shut the fuck up.

Cenen posted:

Anyone ever figure out why vents and grates on Middle East military bases just loving glow ominously sometimes? The cadillac at the Kuwait Transit center had a glower, Al Udeid had at least a couple glowers and sometimes the vent in my room in the BPC would glow. At least for the one in the room we seriously tried every combination of lights in the rooms to recreate it but couldn’t. Don’t remember any glowing vents or grates in Iraq.

Privates looking for grid squares and flight line sneaking around like John McClane.

# ? May 29, 2019 07:48

aphid_licker: Jan 7, 2009

ulmont posted:

My best man had a pretty impressive AIDS scare that is also a total military fuckup story. So he gets the call. And this is Desert Storm timeframe, so AIDS is still a death sentence.

And at the end of the call, after explaining he's got AIDS, he's gonna die, etc. etc...

"...sorry to have to break the news like this, Captain Smith."

"...wait. Captain Smith? I'm Sergeant Smith."

"...oh. Sorry, then. Have a good day."

That'll spice up your day

# ? May 29, 2019 11:23

Memento: Aug 25, 2009; Bleak Gremlin

# ? May 30, 2019 01:12

MrUnderbridge: Jun 25, 2011

Gives a whole new meaning to "Semper fi, mac!"

# ? May 30, 2019 02:04

canyoneer: Sep 13, 2005; I only have canyoneyes for you

Memento posted:

I saw a comment elsewhere from a neuroscientist who said she read PFC as "missing prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain responsible for decision making. still fits"

# ? May 30, 2019 02:12

bulletsponge13: Apr 28, 2010

Necroposting- talked to the anesthesiologists today- they haven't a loving clue. The said the side effect is uncommon enough that there is very little literature. According to them, I am the longest suffering from what they found.
To whoever it was who said cobalt- my doc said it's all titanium and plastic in there.
I'm going to assume this is permanent. Which sucks pretty loving hard. But I'llhave working knees, so just chalk it up to cost of life.

# ? May 30, 2019 02:58

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

ulmont posted:

My best man had a pretty impressive AIDS scare that is also a total military fuckup story. So he gets the call. And this is Desert Storm timeframe, so AIDS is still a death sentence.

And at the end of the call, after explaining he's got AIDS, he's gonna die, etc. etc...

"...sorry to have to break the news like this, Captain Smith."

"...wait. Captain Smith? I'm Sergeant Smith."

"...oh. Sorry, then. Have a good day."

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

# ? May 30, 2019 19:54

Doc Hawkins: Jun 15, 2010; Dashing? But I'm not even moving!

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

# ? May 30, 2019 20:25

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

loving dusted

# ? May 30, 2019 20:27

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

That is so loving army it hurts and I love it

# ? May 30, 2019 20:31

Vincent Van Goatse: Nov 8, 2006; Enjoy every sandwich.; Smellrose

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

The shot and the chaser in one go.

# ? May 30, 2019 20:33

Arcella: Dec 16, 2013; Shiny and Chrome

bulletsponge13 posted:

Necroposting- talked to the anesthesiologists today- they haven't a loving clue. The said the side effect is uncommon enough that there is very little literature. According to them, I am the longest suffering from what they found.
To whoever it was who said cobalt- my doc said it's all titanium and plastic in there.
I'm going to assume this is permanent. Which sucks pretty loving hard. But I'llhave working knees, so just chalk it up to cost of life.

Have you tried eating foods you don't like? Maybe boiled cabbage or something tastes really good now.

# ? May 30, 2019 20:33

Tunicate: May 15, 2012

I have heard that miracleberries can sometimes help with weird taste disturbances from chemo, so maybe they'd help with other taste sensation fuckups? Dunno if it's at all the same mechanism but you might want to try them.

Even if it doesn't work, at least the 'turns sour into sweet' effect will let you gently caress with everyone else's sense of taste

# ? May 30, 2019 20:42

FrozenVent: May 1, 2009; The Boeing 737-200QC is the undisputed workhorse of the skies.

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

You certainly have a way with words.

# ? May 30, 2019 20:50

Midjack: Dec 24, 2007

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

You have taken the story in a direction the thread was not expecting!

# ? May 30, 2019 21:27

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

I'm banned for life from donating to the local blood bank because they think I have Hep B. The military says I don't, and the blood screen I had at my civilian clinic says I don't. I got a letter from a nurse practitioner at the latter that says I don't have it, and they don't care.

# ? May 30, 2019 21:35

Wibla: Feb 16, 2011

Wild T posted:

Not quite as bad, but I was in Heidelberg when the Army nurse called me. "Did you donate blood around XXX date?" Yeah, I think so. I always stop by the bloodmobile if I see one and have time. "Well, your blood tested positive for Hepatitis C." Uhhh.. Come again?

Over the course of a five minute conversation she eventually tells me that they did a wide-spectrum test, and it was just as likely that I had a cold that day that would give a false positive. Why she wouldn't explain that before telling someone they've got hepatitis is a testament to military bedside manner. I ended up going in to get a specific hepatitis test, which came back expectedly negative about a week later. Several weeks later I get a letter from the blood bank in Germany saying I can no longer donate blood because the Army never bothered to send the negative results back to them.

But surprise, the real idiot in the story is me. Because I was in an absolute panic the entire phone call since a few weeks prior to donating blood I'd had a regretful, unprotected drunken threesome with my wife and the fat German chick who lived next door.

I did not expect that ending.

# ? May 30, 2019 22:23

joat mon: Oct 15, 2009; I am the master of my lamp;
I am the captain of my tub.

Casimir Radon posted:

I'm banned for life from donating to the local blood bank because they think I have Hep B. The military says I don't, and the blood screen I had at my civilian clinic says I don't. I got a letter from a nurse practitioner at the latter that says I don't have it, and they don't care.

I'm banned for life because of stuff I did in Germany.

# ? May 30, 2019 23:05

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

joat mon posted:

I'm banned for life because of stuff I did in Germany.

One of the guys from my shop had spent enough time in Germany to qualify for the ban. But every drill that the blood bank was there he'd go fill out the questionnaire, get his juice and Fog Newtons, and inform everyone that "The vampires don't want my blood".

# ? May 30, 2019 23:18

Wibla: Feb 16, 2011

joat mon posted:

I'm banned for life because of stuff I did in ~~Germany~~ Singapore.

FTFY

# ? May 31, 2019 01:26

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Doc Hawkins posted:

That's the perfect response. JFC.

Edit: Banned for life because I lived in England for a while.

# ? May 31, 2019 03:42

Steezo: Jun 16, 2003; Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!

Going through old pictures, wanted to point out that we all know that someone who was why this sign existed. BIAP I think, around 2010.

# ? May 31, 2019 05:57

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

Page 349 of Command and Control:

https://books.google.com/books?id=l...g%20lsd&f=false

A fully loaded MIG landed at Homestead AFB completely unchallenged, on a runway near Air Force One, because the people manning the AA systems and radar were too busy doing LSD and smoking weed in the silo itself. The MIG was a Cuban defector, but nobody noticed him until after he�d landed.

# ? May 31, 2019 11:48

Absurd Alhazred: Mar 27, 2010; by Athanatos

Icon Of Sin posted:

Page 349 of Command and Control:

https://books.google.com/books?id=l...g%20lsd&f=false

A fully loaded MIG landed at Homestead AFB completely unchallenged, on a runway near Air Force One, because the people manning the AA systems and radar were too busy doing LSD and smoking weed in the silo itself. The MIG was a Cuban defector, but nobody noticed him until after he�d landed.

Enlisted in Vietnam: fragging their officers.

These magnificent bastards: pass the joint and gimme another lick of that stamp.

# ? May 31, 2019 12:53

Wild T: Dec 15, 2008; The point I'm trying to make is that the only way to come out on top is to kick the Air Force in the nuts, beart it savagely with a weight and take a dump on it's face.

joat mon posted:

I'm banned for life because of stuff I did in Germany.

I don't think they're allowed to turn you away for butt stuff anymore

# ? May 31, 2019 15:43

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

Icon Of Sin posted:

Page 349 of Command and Control:

https://books.google.com/books?id=l...g%20lsd&f=false

A fully loaded MIG landed at Homestead AFB completely unchallenged, on a runway near Air Force One, because the people manning the AA systems and radar were too busy doing LSD and smoking weed in the silo itself. The MIG was a Cuban defector, but nobody noticed him until after he’d landed.

It was loving Nixon dude.

If I was confronted with my commander in chief being a loving idiot rear end in a top hat in the flesh, and someone offered the numbness of weed and the clarity of LSD, I would be reflecting heavily with them in the silence of a silo, as well.

Which is secret reason Numero Uno that I did not sign up another few years of Army

Wasabi the J fucked around with this message at 09:28 on Jun 1, 2019

# ? Jun 1, 2019 09:25