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Blade Runner posted:It is pretty sexist in the sense that if we did the whole flip the genders routine, whether or not you think it's valid to do that, the thread would be calling him a creepy pedo who should be murdered and debating over how bad her daddy issues are I can't say what "the thread" would be doing. For me, if I imagine any two unrelated adults having sex, one of them is around 45 and the other is 21, it's not particularly creepy. This can be a 45 year old woman and a 21 year old man, or the other way around. A 45 year old man having a one night stand with a 21 year old woman, if there's no hosed up power dynamic in play (like being someone's boss or professor) is like, maybe a 2/10 on the creepiness factor. Given the other stuff we see in this thread, including non-consensual showing off your naked girlfriend and diaper fetishes for disabled partners (all within the last page or two) this age gap for a sexual encounter is not really something that strikes me as problematic. A relationship with this age gap is a problem, but strictly sex with this age gap doesn't bother me at all. Of course, this isn't two complete strangers, and the dynamic is part of what makes it weird. I don't fault OP at all for finding it weird and being shocked. But the nature of his relationship with both his friend and his mom is one in which he has no say whatsoever in their bodily autonomy. So whatever is wrong here, it's strange for OP to feel a sense of betrayal from both of them. As another poster said, it may just be his way of processing the shock, which is understandable. There's certain room in the details for this to be more hosed up than it appears. She knew this guy as a teenager. Was she grooming him in any sort of way? If so, yes, that's hosed up, but it's hosed up in one direction. Bestie is a victim in that case. Or I dunno maybe I'm being a big goon. I don't fault OP's for being uncomfortable, I just find his "betrayal" and "how can they do this to me?" stuff weird. It would be a betrayal if his partner was loving one of his parents. But a platonic friend? Edit: Oh got this is my worst page snipe ever.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:18
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chitoryu12 posted:Just because society doesn't treat men and women equally doesn't mean we shouldn't. It's 100% worth doing "flip the genders" in your head to check if you're being fair to everyone. It's lame and lovely to do it as a "gotcha! You all have double standards!" stunt.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:20
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Patrick Spens posted:Mad is one of the emotions that it's most okay for men to feel, so we'll often express other emotions as anger. Ok. Still strange.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:25
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Hellblazer187 posted:It's 100% worth doing "flip the genders" in your head to check if you're being fair to everyone. It's lame and lovely to do it as a "gotcha! You all have double standards!" stunt. In this case there is definitely a double-standard. Normally every story of a guy loving a woman half his age (especially someone the age of his own daughter) is reacted to with visceral disgust, but as soon as it's an older woman loving her son's best friend everyone is practically ready to high-five the guy.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:25
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there's also an alarmingly possessive vein running through that guys whole... deal.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:29
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Smirking_Serpent posted:Dad (81M) thinks my brother (42M) has an inappropriate relationship with my niece (15F) and called him a pedophile. I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: My wife [31F] thinks I'm [37M] possessed by the devil and won't leave our daughter [<1F] alone with me. quote:I was raised Catholic but I'm not any more. I've been non practicing since I was 15. Never got confirmed. I still go with my wife to mass every Sunday because it's important to her but I'm not getting anything out of it, other than making her happy.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:29
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/r/relationships: I find out who the other (fat white guy) was ( I am also fat white guy)
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Jun 7, 2019 16:29
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:no one does this. no one should ever do this, it's facile and an utterly useless waste of thought. society does not treat men and women equally, nothing valid can be drawn from this comparison. What exactly is the ephemeral society doing here that makes flipping the genders in this scenario invalid and dumb, specifically Hellblazer187 posted:I can't say what "the thread" would be doing. For me, if I imagine any two unrelated adults having sex, one of them is around 45 and the other is 21, it's not particularly creepy. This can be a 45 year old woman and a 21 year old man, or the other way around. A 45 year old man having a one night stand with a 21 year old woman, if there's no hosed up power dynamic in play (like being someone's boss or professor) is like, maybe a 2/10 on the creepiness factor. Given the other stuff we see in this thread, including non-consensual showing off your naked girlfriend and diaper fetishes for disabled partners (all within the last page or two) this age gap for a sexual encounter is not really something that strikes me as problematic. A relationship with this age gap is a problem, but strictly sex with this age gap doesn't bother me at all. I don't feel like this thread is a good marker for these things because otherwise I would not be able to find anything creepy other than this thread and DeviantArt, though both of the things you mentioned are much worse than generic age gaps, yes. Still, I do feel it's hard to get away from an inherent power dynamic, here, considering she's literally one of his friend's mothers that he's known since he was young. Again, though, that's for me to find creepy; for the guy himself, you can talk about bodily autonomy all you want, and they certainly can gently caress if they wanna do that, but him not wanting to interact with them after is also fair.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:30
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tactlessbastard posted:I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: Sever, seriously. She is ruined.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:31
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Blade Runner posted:What exactly is the ephemeral society doing here that makes flipping the genders in this scenario invalid and dumb, specifically you mean aside from treating the genders as different alien species and paying one half significantly less than the other half? poo poo dude idk i guess you got me there. edit- why am i even playing your game when obviously you know whats up and have zero intention of arguing in good faith. i have seen this routine before, i should know better. chitoryu12 posted:In this case there is definitely a double-standard. Normally every story of a guy loving a woman half his age (especially someone the age of his own daughter) is reacted to with visceral disgust, but as soon as it's an older woman loving her son's best friend everyone is practically ready to high-five the guy. no that's also child abuse. i know south park did an episode that claimed all dudes are okay with this, but. that is not how the actual world works. no one but perverts are down with the mrs robinson routine.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:34
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Patrick Spens posted:Mad is one of the emotions that it's most okay for men to feel, so we'll often express other emotions as anger. This is also true, and something I wasn't really thinking about.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:34
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tactlessbastard posted:I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: in fairness to his wife, he left out the fact that he has grown hooves and smells like sulfur all the time
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Jun 7, 2019 16:35
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:no that's also child abuse. Unless it started earlier, it's not child abuse to sleep with a 21 year old.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:35
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Hellblazer187 posted:Unless it started earlier, it's not child abuse to sleep with a 21 year old. i assumed we were talking under 18 year olds because otherwise who gives a poo poo what consenting adults do
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Jun 7, 2019 16:36
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The real double standard on the lad whose mom got hosed is we're basically saying you're not allowed to be upset and that he's policing something when she's allowed, unqualified, to gently caress. These threads do happen far more often, I think, with older men who sleep with their daughter's best friends (because most people don't treat attractiveness in older people the same, obviously, but that's another topic). There was the one the other day who had lied about the paternity of the child and everything and OP kicked her father and maid of honor out of the wedding. Now, of course, in that situation, we knew of far more wrongs that had been committed, and it was a much more tremendous lie that we can separate out to condemn, but nobody said "this woman is not entitled to her feelings about it even if she can't articulate them" or "hey, just accept that your dad still has viable sperm"
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Jun 7, 2019 16:37
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:you mean aside from treating the genders as different alien species and paying one half significantly less than the other half? poo poo dude idk i guess you got me there. How exactly does this apply to a woman loving someone less than half her age, and you're being a little silly if you don't think that people in the Western world are typically more okay with older woman banging young men(it's still bad, both are bad) than the other way around PHIZ KALIFA posted:i assumed we were talking under 18 year olds because otherwise who gives a poo poo what consenting adults do I care about what consent adults do because it's creepy that she's 45 and has known him since he was a literal child and is banging him now, even if he's currently over 18
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Jun 7, 2019 16:37
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tactlessbastard posted:I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: Wait, so she was fine with listening to "Sympathy for the Devil" and other Tool songs until he sang something vulgar out loud?
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Jun 7, 2019 16:38
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tactlessbastard posted:I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: i'm the dad who is singing along to tool while trying to rock his infant child to sleep
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Jun 7, 2019 16:38
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:i assumed we were talking under 18 year olds because otherwise who gives a poo poo what consenting adults do Yeah with under 18 year olds it's definitely child abuse. In the story we're discussing, it was a 21 year old man mad that his 21 year old friend had sex with his mom of undetermined age (but I assume mid 40s).
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Jun 7, 2019 16:38
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luxury handset posted:i'm the dad who is singing along to tool while trying to rock his infant child to sleep You don't?
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Jun 7, 2019 16:38
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If the mods at r/relationships didn't suck it would be mandatory to end all posts with "Halp!" First, as a way of demonstrating that posters had read the rules. Second, to convey the helplessness of someone asking the internet for advice.ad090 posted:AITA for not attending any gay pride events next weekend in support of my brother? I would be extremely proud to have a son who was gay and did crimes.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:39
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It is really gross to sleep with somebody half your age, regardless of what genders are involved in this scenario
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Jun 7, 2019 16:39
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The answer to "is society operating on a double standard" is "yes." hypocrisy is innate to the human condition because we're built to react to context, not an encyclopediac memory of every axiom we've ever claimed. men and women get treated differently. it shouldn't happen but it does, and it's stupid to fixate on when men can/can't be trusted to manage their own emotions when we SHOULD affix the heads of the 1% to pikes.Blade Runner posted:you're being a little silly if you don't think that people in the Western world are typically more okay with older woman banging young men(it's still bad, both are bad) than the other way around 1) this isn't actually the case 2) why would it be relevant if it was?
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Jun 7, 2019 16:39
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Pick posted:It is really gross to sleep with somebody half your age, regardless of what genders are involved in this scenario Yeah but the ratio reduces as everyone gets older. 
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Jun 7, 2019 16:41
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tactlessbastard posted:I went looking for this one for the comments and couldn't find it so i checked ceddit and found this other fun one that the moderators had locked: I made the mistake of falling down a "traditional Catholic" rabbit hole recently, and yeah, not even once.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:42
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AFAIK the Catholic Church actually takes exorcisms really seriously and there's specific criteria to determine a possession such as having knowledge you would not otherwise have access to or speaking in a language you had no way of learning (which technically falls under impossible knowledge I guess). The whole idea is supposed to be that proving possession involves some element of the supernatural, you can't say someone is possessed just because they're behaving badly and people are supposed to be referred to medical help and not exorcised if their condition fits 'psychotic episode' more than 'literally possessed by an evil spirit granting supernatural abilities'. What I'm saying is if the lady begs the Church saying her husband is possessed because he was singing lewd metal songs to the baby she's not going to get anywhere with that.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:42
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Motherfucker posted:Word. But like the thread has already concluded, getting mad is still the weirdest way you could go on that one emotionally. No the thread did not agree to that.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:42
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just gonna say no one would give a poo poo about old men/women sleeping with younger men/women if we just. . . abolished gender as a whole. eh. eh?? whose with me. y'all managed to be so stoned the gov't gave up arresting you but you can't just be so lazy as to transcend the gender binary? i call bullshit.PetraCore posted:What I'm saying is if the lady begs the Church saying her husband is possessed because he was singing lewd metal songs to the baby she's not going to get anywhere with that. she's not going to go to the church proper. she's going to go to the absolute nuttiest, bug-gently caress snake handling evangelical nutjob she can find, because that's the person who will tell her what she wants to hear.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:43
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This is the worst derail
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Jun 7, 2019 16:43
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PetraCore posted:AFAIK the Catholic Church actually takes exorcisms really seriously and there's specific criteria to determine a possession such as having knowledge you would not otherwise have access to or speaking in a language you had no way of learning (which technically falls under impossible knowledge I guess). The whole idea is supposed to be that proving possession involves some element of the supernatural, you can't say someone is possessed just because they're behaving badly and people are supposed to be referred to medical help and not exorcised if their condition fits 'psychotic episode' more than 'literally possessed by an evil spirit granting supernatural abilities'. Knowing things about how the church actually works is not a thing most people who go to church are into tbh
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Jun 7, 2019 16:45
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Yeah but the ratio reduces as everyone gets older. I didn't say you couldn't also be gross having sex with someone 2/3 your age. But 1/2 your age will be gross in every circumstance, every time. It's within the parameter space of gross.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:47
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Motherfucker posted:Sever, seriously. She is ruined. Much like most of the redditors over there, I agree that she probably is suffering some pretty bad PPD chitoryu12 posted:Wait, so she was fine with listening to "Sympathy for the Devil" and other Tool songs until he sang something vulgar out loud? Sympathy for the Devil is a Rolling Stones song  luxury handset posted:i'm the dad who is singing along to tool while trying to rock his infant child to sleep You scoff but my 2.5 year old wouldn't settle down as an infant until about four songs into Muse's The Resistance. She's now an unhinged lunatic but that's probably not related.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:47
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:no one does this. no one should ever do this, it's facile and an utterly useless waste of thought. society does not treat men and women equally, nothing valid can be drawn from this comparison. Indeed one of those ways is acting like idiot frat boys and wanting to give out high fives when you have situations like what was probably a minor at the start being groomed by a much older woman. Or perhaps some tendency to downplay the problem because of some subconscious OH HE CAN HANDLE IT, GUYS CAN HANDLE THESE THINGS. For all the crap Anne Whatley gets, and the (sometimes deserved lol) crap Pick gets... this thread's attacks on men, the unfair and stupid attacks anyway, overwhelmingly come from other dudes. Part of the occasional convo about shallow male interrelations, emotional and social stuntedness (half this convo being started by women btw, who seem both more aware of it unsurprisingly, and more interested in it), well yeah it's that kind of stuff. But all means just bulldoze over an extremely young guy being preyed on, because yeah no big deal. High five hee hee. This is progressive talk right? Tell yourself that yeah. tldr: this mindset is part of toxic masculinity, or at least the culture that keeps propagating it 
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Jun 7, 2019 16:49
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Pick posted:It is really gross to sleep with somebody half your age, regardless of what genders are involved in this scenario My wife is nearly 20 years older than me and I can assure you there's nothing gross about it. If we're talking consenting adults, the age difference doesn't mean poo poo.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:50
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if an 18 year old is old enough to die for his country $30K in debt for a bullshit STEM degree they're old enough to hurl themselves dick-first into a quintuple-divorced sarlaac pit of funko pops and high-pitched disney sing-alongs. yeah it's gross and exploitative but that's fuckin hetero relationships for you. if you don't want to deal with the madness of the opposite sex learn how to spin your junk and/or tits like a helicopter, that's how other gays know you're cool. learn poetry. talk about social justice like it's something you didn't only learn about from social media. it's not even hard if you don't feel like loving anyone just call yourself asexual. it's like the asparagus of gender identities, noone outside gives a poo poo about what's going on over there. fuckin, dudes, come on. god gave you prostates for a reason. Grape posted:tldr: this mindset is part of toxic masculinity, or at least the culture that keeps propagating it that's totally unrelated to the point i was making but i'm glad you're upset about this.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:51
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:she's not going to go to the church proper. she's going to go to the absolute nuttiest, bug-gently caress snake handling evangelical nutjob she can find, because that's the person who will tell her what she wants to hear. EDIT: But hopefully she can be convinced to see a doctor.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:51
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Pick posted:I didn't say you couldn't also be gross having sex with someone 2/3 your age. But 1/2 your age will be gross in every circumstance, every time. It's within the parameter space of gross. Not if you are having the sex on.. an enlightened plane. 
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Jun 7, 2019 16:51
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PetraCore posted:Probably true. And, idk, I wouldn't want to humor it as her husband just because it's such an out-there accusation. Even if her church told her 'he's not possessed' would she listen? That one spoke to me because I was recently accused of being a secret devil worshipper at work and it's not all fun and games i tell you what Hail Satan.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:53
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100 y/o with a 50 y/o ain't gross, in fact it is the only non gross type of sex.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:54
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Cat Army
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Pick posted:It is really gross to sleep with somebody half your age, regardless of what genders are involved in this scenario MAN HATER EVIL QUEEN PICK makes more empathetic post toward male in story. Collection of dudes who often attack Pick on subject will continue to variously high five the friend, and call the son a weirdo.
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Jun 7, 2019 16:54
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