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Josherino)
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redsniper posted:Wait like the historical berserker warriors or is this a real treatm- This sounds like a great way to give myself a panic attack, because it's almost exactly what my mind tends to do when I'm about to have a panic attack. 'course I also have PTSD so anything meditation-ish can be perfectly great for most people and also be a living hell for me, so.
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Jun 11, 2019 10:59
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Having a positive mantra in general is one of the tidbits i got from therapy to help with intrusive negative thoughts. If you mindfully distract yourself from them with a simple, positive affirmation mentally, it like, actually works a bit. You gotta get it into habit and do it consistently though.
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Jun 11, 2019 11:07
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Oh yeah, positive mantras are fine. But that is not that.
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Jun 11, 2019 13:14
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This whole office job thing is a trip already. I got in at eight and spent an hour and a half meeting people and going over the basics of the programs we use, then my supervisor sent me some links to basic stuff I’ve already read to peruse until the main boss gets in and I meet with her So now I’m just here, nominally with some things to read but they gave me hours to read like ten minutes worth of stuff, and nobody is watching me or anything. When I worked retail it was like, you’re always on your loving toes and being supervised I guess I’ll just uh read this stuff and sit here and eat some crackers or something
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Jun 11, 2019 14:54
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Frog Act posted:This whole office job thing is a trip already. I got in at eight and spent an hour and a half meeting people and going over the basics of the programs we use, then my supervisor sent me some links to basic stuff I’ve already read to peruse until the main boss gets in and I meet with her yeah, don't stress out, every office job i've ever had have been a bit like that outside of crunches happening for specific reasons. it is really not necessarily better than retail in all ways, but more restful at least.
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Jun 11, 2019 15:07
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smarxist posted:Having a positive mantra in general is one of the tidbits i got from therapy to help with intrusive negative thoughts. If you mindfully distract yourself from them with a simple, positive affirmation mentally, it like, actually works a bit. You gotta get it into habit and do it consistently though. i never had something positive to say about myself tho
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Jun 11, 2019 16:36
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Cybernetic Vermin posted:yeah, don't stress out, every office job i've ever had have been a bit like that outside of crunches happening for specific reasons. it is really not necessarily better than retail in all ways, but more restful at least. cool. seems insane I’m getting paid so much more for this, but objectively it’s still a lovely enough wage that I at least feel justified posting in between tasks not smoking weed is also pretty hard, drat, this is the first morning I haven’t been stoned in years and it’s kind of a tense feeling, but also a weirdly exhausting one, though that might be because I was up half the night anxiety puking
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Jun 11, 2019 17:03
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yeah that sure sounds like office work. im slammed this week, but i generally have around 2 or 3 hours worth of work per day and they want me to be here for 8 hours, so im on my phone a lot. No one has said poo poo yet, and I'm due for my 6 month review so we'll see how that goes. im paid pretty well for what I do but i sure dont feel bad about posting on the clock because i gotta fill the day somehow and at least I'm loving off on my equipment and not theirs i guess? and im definitely asking for more money at my review because they offered me $10k less than I was told would be the base. i have a supervisor who sits in a cube behind me but he doesn't do any supervision. hopefully ill be working from home after my review because a) 3+ hours of commuting sucks balls and b) it is a lot more fun loving off with all the stuff I have in my apartment lol
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Jun 11, 2019 19:45
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perhaps we should take this particular discussion to a "making GBS threads on company time" thread, because while i am tempted to add to this i think we're straying from the core of this thread
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Jun 11, 2019 19:53
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Cybernetic Vermin posted:perhaps we should take this particular discussion to a "making GBS threads on company time" thread, because while i am tempted to add to this i think we're straying from the core of this thread Venting is good for mental health and also sheds light on the source of some of our issues.
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Jun 11, 2019 20:05
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just gonna keep getting more anxious the longer i dont find work
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Jun 11, 2019 20:51
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Poniard posted:just gonna keep getting more anxious the longer i dont find work  gently caress this poo poo
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Jun 11, 2019 20:58
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redsniper posted:Wait like the historical berserker warriors or is this a real treatm- Yeah, I... have issues with this. Putting thoughts like that on repeat is the symptom of my problems, not the solution. I'd rather not consciously re-enforce it.
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Jun 11, 2019 21:56
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Screaming Idiot posted:making GBS threads is good for mental health and also sheds light on the source of some of our issues.
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Jun 11, 2019 21:57
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Poniard posted:just gonna keep getting more anxious the longer i dont find work succ posted:
everything about the modern concept of employment is so catastrophically depressing. when you aren't working, you feel like garbage and can't participate in society and might die. when you are working, you probably won't die, but you feel like garbage in a different way and your participation in society is soul-crushing and meaningless. i know it's kind of a platitude but one of the most categorically important parts of socialism that doesn't get enough play is the right to divest oneself from the exploitative mode of labor while still making meaningful contributions to society, something which is precluded by modern capitalism. everyone in this thread would be so much more productive if they had the opportunity to invest their anxious energies in real things instead of this. which just makes me reflect on how relatively nice it is in the first world irrespective of employment status because we get to suck the blood of the people who really deserve the automated luxury part of fully automated luxury communism, and how much wasted labor that is. i also sometimes stop and think about the catastrophic amount of misery that must be floating around in the rest of the world due to the basic principals of capitalist wage labor and it kind of beggars the imagination. shouldn't be negativeposting in the brain health thread but ugh
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Jun 11, 2019 22:52
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Chokes McGee posted:Yeah, I... have issues with this. Putting thoughts like that on repeat is the symptom of my problems, not the solution. I'd rather not consciously re-enforce it.
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Jun 11, 2019 22:56
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Goon upthread who mentioned writing down the Bad Thoughts for the therapist to take a look at: I might start doing that! Usually when I go we talk about my one or two most immediate issues while the more chronic but less dramatic stuff doesn't usually get mentioned, at least not openly. Mostly because they're not at the forefront of my mind atm.Goon Danton posted:Oh yeah, positive mantras are fine. But that is not that. FWIW theres a passage in Man's Search for Meaning that puts a fun twist on that berserker treatment. So for example, a person anxious about sweating excessively in a social setting might deal with that problem by thinking to themselves "I'm gonna set a new personal record for sweating at this party". I find this approach helps me sometimes. For me, good-natured irony can help tame a personal demon cool dance moves has issued a correction as of 23:26 on Jun 11, 2019 |
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Jun 11, 2019 23:24
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cool dance moves posted:Goon upthread who mentioned writing down the Bad Thoughts for the therapist to take a look at: I might start doing that! Usually when I go we talk about my one or two most immediate issues while the more chronic but less dramatic stuff doesn't usually get mentioned, at least not openly. Mostly because they're not at the forefront of my mind atm. Yeah, there's a huge difference between ruminating in person and actually remembering it when time comes to talk about it. Writing is a good middle ground that keeps you from shying away while still feeling safe-ish.
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Jun 11, 2019 23:29
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would doctors/nurse practitioners/therapists/psychiatrist read that kind of stuff as a primer? I communicate decently for a goon, but I write well enough to get paid for it and I'd love to give my pcp a few hundred words on my symptoms beyond persistent anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation and being led in by my very supportive spouse who knows I'd quite honestly rather die than see a doctor.
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Jun 12, 2019 00:53
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Eat This Glob posted:would doctors/nurse practitioners/therapists/psychiatrist read that kind of stuff as a primer? I communicate decently for a goon, but I write well enough to get paid for it and I'd love to give my pcp a few hundred words on my symptoms beyond persistent anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation and being led in by my very supportive spouse who knows I'd quite honestly rather die than see a doctor. one of my doctors asks all their patients to (try to) write a 1-2 page history, and every doctor I’ve given my 4-page one has been quite glad to get it
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Jun 12, 2019 02:51
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A year and nine months without a drink today. It's not the booze I miss as much as the fact that one of the few social interactions around here is drinking, so people look at me like I'm a unicorn or something when they find out I don't drink. The other past time is shooting guns, and oddly enough when I tell people I don't own a gun because I would've blown my brains out by now everyone is always like hey been there man I get it.
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Jun 12, 2019 04:47
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shove me like you do posted:A year and nine months without a drink today. It's not the booze I miss as much as the fact that one of the few social interactions around here is drinking, so people look at me like I'm a unicorn or something when they find out I don't drink. Congratulations! I'm right there with you, it seems like the only thing people my age in my profession do for fun is drink. It wasn't until I gave it up that I realized the software industry really has a huge problem with alcoholism. You'll pry my birthday scotch out of my cold dead hands though.  Other than that, no booze. I haven't drunk in so long and I'm older now that it interacts with the meds and makes me feel way shittier.
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Jun 12, 2019 05:48
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These last few weeks my driven need to drink has gone down a lot, and the evening intense anxiety isn't as bad. However, it has instead been replaced with exhaustion and emptiness. Hooooray!
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Jun 12, 2019 05:57
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So I started going to therapy again, and it's a whole different game now. Before when I just knew about my anxiety and depression, we would just talk about coping skills because I felt no real need to talk about my upbringing. But now that I'm realizing I have some actual trauma to work through we have to dig into all of it. It's like there's a bunch of toxic muck that has settled to the bottom of my brain, and we have to stir it all up before we can get rid of it. So it's important progress I need to make and all, but good lord is it loving with me in the meantime. Lots of nightmares this week. Has anyone been through something similar and have advice for me?
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Jun 12, 2019 15:22
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Goon Danton posted:Has anyone been through something similar and have advice for me? No half measures, keep stirring until its gone, otherwise it comes back worse/stronger
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Jun 12, 2019 15:25
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It's going to be surprising(ly awful) how many things and actions you minimized in the name of survival. Like you slowed that moment in time down, compressed it, and tucked it away, but the weight has always been there. To get rid of it, you have to speed it back up and face all of those feelings again. It sucks, it hurts like hell, but the weight will finally be gone. The best advice I can give is accept your feelings as they come, and don't tell yourself not to feel something - i.e. "I shouldn't feel ashamed/angry/sad because of xyz reasons". Your therapist will be there to help you work through them, so just feel 'em. The only other advice is if it gets really bad outside of therapy, write things down in a journal? It's a place to dump those feelings safely and privately, and if you need to bring them up with the therapist next session, you have them right there. After that, good luck dude, I'll be rooting for you. Edit: I started this book and forgot about it, but it's really good for trauma stuff - The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk MD. Kolk has spent years working with the VA and veterans, studying the effects and how to treat PTSD. Talks about how trauma physically and neurologically changes your brain and behaviors. Sanguinary Novel has issued a correction as of 17:36 on Jun 12, 2019 |
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Jun 12, 2019 17:24
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honestly i was feelin real bad until i had another bowel movement today
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Jun 12, 2019 17:25
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I have this thing where whenever I’m working or have to be up for something I wake up way too early super sick, then spend the next two hours sweating and vomiting, barely able to get wherever I have to be later and unable to go back to sleep. it happened when I did retail, stopped in grad school, and now it’s back with a vengeance. I basically can’t eat until 7 at night because all food tastes like ashes and I often puke up my dinner the next morning but have no appetite during the day. weed fixes it but I can’t smoke before and t work. I hate it more than anything and the only thing that ever made it go away is free time or personal happiness, which are mutually exclusive, and it’s destroying what little quality of life I have left does anyone else have this? I think it’s cyclical vomiting and it just sucks so much. i tried to take a small swig of ginger ale this morning and immediately projectile vomited all the spit in my stomach up. the only physical solution I’ve ever found are benzos before bed but I can’t do that on suboxone. it’s just so draining every day starts off on the worst possible note, my life sucks enough without these horrible nights and mornings
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Jun 12, 2019 18:56
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me: " [thing] " other person: "don't say that" me: "i'm so sorry (there are other ppl in the world how could you possibly think that was an ok thing to say what is wrong with you jfc you are so loving terrible how do you keep living in this world without catching a clue abt how to conduct yrself in public AAAAAAAAAAA) *never says [thing] ever again in front of anyone*" other person: " [thing] " me: " (oh god i'm so uncomfortable why would anyone say that ever much less in 2019 how do you even live with yrself having that thought much less expressing it out loud who hurt you and why is this yr response to that pain there are other ppl in the world how could you possibly think that was an ok thing to say what is wrong with you jfc everyone is so loving terrible how do you keep living in this world without catching a clue abt how to conduct yrself in public AAAAAAAAAAA) ... " other person: " [thing, but louder] "
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Jun 12, 2019 19:52
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Poniard posted:honestly i was feelin real bad until i had another bowel movement today I mean goons and poop and all but there's a reason people were talking about SSRIs cleaning you out, serotonin is also related to gut movement activity poopchat itt (don't actually poopchat)
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Jun 12, 2019 20:23
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frog act yeah i have experienced stuff like that before. id occasionally get in to work and my boss would call me into his office (he was literally a friend for 20 years before I worked for him so it isnt like I had an adversarial relationship with him) and id have sweat pouring off of me first thing in the morning. He eventually knew to just leave me alone for the first 15 minutes lol. I actually barfed last Monday morning while i was on the shitter. good times. i cant eat breakfast and often i skip lunch too. my metabolism is likely super hosed up from it as I essentially binge eat at night and do it all over again the next day.
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Jun 12, 2019 20:25
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Frog Act posted:I have this thing where whenever I’m working or have to be up for something I wake up way too early super sick, then spend the next two hours sweating and vomiting, barely able to get wherever I have to be later and unable to go back to sleep. it happened when I did retail, stopped in grad school, and now it’s back with a vengeance. I basically can’t eat until 7 at night because all food tastes like ashes and I often puke up my dinner the next morning but have no appetite during the day. weed fixes it but I can’t smoke before and t work. I hate it more than anything and the only thing that ever made it go away is free time or personal happiness, which are mutually exclusive, and it’s destroying what little quality of life I have left If you have the insurance, you need to go to the hospital, or at least a doctor. This could be anything from acute anxiety to a failing gall bladder and beyond, it's not something to screw around with. 
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Jun 12, 2019 20:26
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Yeah severe acute nausea is one of the easier things to medicate, there's no reason to live like that if you can afford not to in my own medication news I managed to talk my doctor out of his first instinct of prescribing me lexapro and got some good old wellbutrin so hopefully that fixes my brain sufficiently to not need anything else
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Jun 12, 2019 21:06
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I burned a half day of vacation (of the two days total I get per year) to see a doctor today. I started the day optimistic that a long-standing medical issue would be solved soon. One abrupt cancellation from the doctor less than an hour before I'm supposed to see them and four straight hours of calls to other offices later, I'm reduced to the feeble hope that I won't end up going cold turkey on my psych meds, because I cannot get an appointment anywhere for anything. I've been rejected by people who accept my insurance because they plan to stop accepting it later. I've been straight-up "have a nice day *click*" hung up on for asking for an evening appointment. My PCP won't even see me until I get my old psychiatrist to send over my medication records, which my old psychiatrist insists they've sent (but not before insulting my signature on the release form, of course). There's very little that makes me feel like discarded human litter quite like wrestling with the American health care system. Is there such a thing as doctors? It is unclear! And I have insurance! Just for variety (and to kill time so my mystery records can hopefully arrive), I tried to take my dogs to the groomer, but they won't accept me for an appointment either. It's one of those days where I have to convince myself the world is not conspiring to keep me from getting better.
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Jun 12, 2019 21:07
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in a Cool Zone rn where thinking about the climate triggers day long spirals into depression culminating in suicidal ideation. I'm familiar with all of the statistics at this point, positive and negative, all of the various reports of the past few years, the scary army and oil industry funded doom essay and the less-scary but still scary scientifically sponsored essays, the equilibrium climate sensitivity papers, the impact of various industries, countries, countries' industries, the various mitigative technologies people are trying or uselessly hyping or both, the various mitigative political efforts that people are trying or uselessly hyping or both, the likely no-go latitudinal zones for 2-5 degrees of warming, the possibility of carbon capture (lol) the possibility f revolution leading to degrowth (double lol) possibility of the methane burp and instant global death (even less likely than the first two lols), the matsutake mushroom, insect biomass ( a useless metric, vertebrates will go first, and insect deaths are more likely tracked to 'traditional pollutants' rather than carbon), veganism, vegetarianism, fruititarianism, tree planting, closed-loops, aquaponics, urban food growing operations, free range shrubland animal pastures with low c02 emissions (in the future there will be goat cheese), trains, rail carbon emissions, air travel carbon emissions, death, fascism...... its broken my brain entirely. my therapist is kind and wants me to value my own life in spite of this but it feels like denial. what is the life of one person in the balance of a world bursting at the seams? everything feels like denialism. living a normal life feels like denialism. wheni talk to friends and try to gain space from climate change, saying i don't want tot talk about it, i can feel them judging me for succumbing to denial. when i try to talk realistically about options for handling various degrees of warming, not discussing the worst, most-bad option feels like denail. but discussing the worst option feels like denial of agency. everything is denial, nothing can be known. i want to grow old in a world that is still recognizable, that protects me and my family, who are various different types of marginalized or dependent on modern things like insulin, but failing that i want to die. a list of things my friends have tried to tell me to cheer me up: 1. in several million years the entire earth will freeze over and everything will definitely die then. 2. everything will die so it doesn't matter if the human species dies. 3. the bugs will last a very long time. 4. everything on earth has died before and eventually we got humans so something else will probably happen next time. 5. we can still fix everything if there's a worldwide revolution that we win and then perfectly implement plans to change everything. 6. someone will invent perfect carbon capture technology and we'll just continue as normal. 7. we'll all go to mars. 8. human forms are weak and fragile compared to the glory of machine ais, which we will create before we die and live on inside the same way that parents are held in the memory of a child after they've passed. 9. there's nothing individuals can do so it doesn't matter so you might as well enjoy your steak now. 10. there's nothing we can do so we might as well find meaning for ourselves in the world that exists. 11. we'll all go to heaven when we die. 12. we'll go get reincarnated somewhere nicer when we die. 13. we'll all be completely torn from existence and not be around to suffer when we die. (this is probably the worst thing well-meaning people say to me, even out of everything else, considering that the whole "not existing" thing is exactly the thing about death that bugs me.) 14. it's impossible to know the future. (this is probably the best thing, but it feels like a denial of what it is possible to know. on the other hand, it may be the best, worst, hope we have - the hope that humans are chaotic, that we change, that complex systems are, in fact, too complex for us to perfectly model, and that political change may happen in a way that alleviates the worst problems once we first worlders miss our avocados.) 15. corporations want us to feel bad about climate change so we don't blame them. 16. the real causes of climate change are beyond our ability to control. (and of course I know this, but that just makes me feel powerless. I wish I could just bring totes and go vegan and feel like I'm Doing Something but that looks stupid as hell) 17. climate change is just something our generation gets worried about. the last generation got worried about nuclear war and they managed that fine. 18. "change is good" ?????????? it may be obvious, but most of my friends grew up being abused. I'm the healthiest-least-hurt one, so I shouldn't be so broken by this in the first place. Normally i'm the one helping. I don't know how to handle being helped, really. I just don't want anyone to die, anymore. I want the ride to stop. I don't even feel attached to thoughts of revenge against ceos or whatever anymore - i just want them to stop. my therapist is good normally but she doesn't seem to really understand that there's a possibility of everything either ending or completely falling apart in 30 years. she just had a kid. her kid will be my age when the chips are down. Part of me doesn't even want to really go in on how bad it is likely to be to her. Everyone either doesn't believe me when i say how bad it is or will be or thinks I don't believe them when I try vainly to say things might get better, if just for my own mental health. It feels like everyone else is crazy and that i'm the only one who acknowledges how bad things are going to be on the one hand, and that i'm a sell-out liberal if i try to imagine a world where things are better and people who need insulin aren't just shrugged at because my 20 something bro communist friends are too busy jacking off about how fun revolution would be or whatever.
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Jun 12, 2019 21:48
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Impermanent posted:i want to grow old in a world that is still recognizable, that protects me and my family, who are various different types of marginalized or dependent on modern things like insulin, but failing that i want to die. Hi, Impermanent. I'm really concerned from your above statement that your problems are more than ideation, and you sound a lot like I did during my breakdown. A few suggestions from some dumb jerk on the internet:
Please keep in touch with the thread. Understand there is a point where we have to get you back into real life if things are dire, but don't let that scare you into not sharing. Best of luck.
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Jun 12, 2019 22:25
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Eat This Glob posted:frog act yeah i have experienced stuff like that before. id occasionally get in to work and my boss would call me into his office (he was literally a friend for 20 years before I worked for him so it isnt like I had an adversarial relationship with him) and id have sweat pouring off of me first thing in the morning. He eventually knew to just leave me alone for the first 15 minutes lol. I actually barfed last Monday morning while i was on the shitter. good times. i cant eat breakfast and often i skip lunch too. my metabolism is likely super hosed up from it as I essentially binge eat at night and do it all over again the next day. this sounds exactly like me. when did it start for you? for me it started in high school with unexplainable morning sickness and sort of snowballed when i discovered weed was the best treatment. it takes me a few weeks to get used to discontinuing weed so maybe it'll balance out soon now that i'm not smoking, but i really doubt it. i have stopped binge eating and it didn't change my symptoms though, just decreased the amount of candy i'd puke up in the morning. do you smoke? i'm always curious how other people who deal with cvs-like symptoms live Chokes McGee posted:If you have the insurance, you need to go to the hospital, or at least a doctor. This could be anything from acute anxiety to a failing gall bladder and beyond, it's not something to screw around with. the bitcoin of weed posted:Yeah severe acute nausea is one of the easier things to medicate, there's no reason to live like that if you can afford not to I don't think it's anything acute, it's been a problem I've had for about fifteen years now. my therapist and past doctors have mostly confirmed that it is related to anxiety, because anti-anxiety medications or a lack of anxiety-inducing commitments totally obviate the symptoms. that being said ondansetron has worked for me in the past, so maybe i'll pursue that, or something to help me sleep through the night, because it really starts up around 2-3 hours before I have to be awake. my parents think, at least partially, it could be helped by adjusting my attitude towards capitalist lifeways and not going into everything feeling at odds with the institutions and systems that employ me or i have to interact with, but I have no idea how not to feel that way. like, not despising the notion of work, employment, hierarchies, and American life seems profoundly servile and stupid. ever since my master's thesis i've been feeling specifically unhappy about the possibility of change because I spent like two years reading Marxist and anti-Liberal philosophers working their way to the conclusion, over forty or so years, that everything is intractably hosed on a metaphysical level. the dude i specifically wrote it about was, by the end of his life, basically consumed by cynicism and hatred for virtually everything also impermanent I don't have any advice for you other than i wanna say i feel like i understand where you're coming from. it's hard to face the absurd direness of our collective future in the broad strokes, then when you start breaking it down and thinking about the infinite multitudes of particular, small-scale misery it will inflict on so many people it can feel like cripplingly depressing. i also don't know what could possibly motivate someone to feel excitement about participating in the odious and rapidly-sinking ship that is the modern world. you're definitely not broken
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Jun 12, 2019 22:47
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i need a psychiatrist
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Jun 12, 2019 23:24
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triple sulk posted:i need a psychiatrist its been mentioned in this thread but psychology today has a big list of therapists and what they do. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/psychiatrists
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Jun 12, 2019 23:55
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Frog Act posted:this sounds exactly like me. when did it start for you? for me it started in high school with unexplainable morning sickness and sort of snowballed when i discovered weed was the best treatment. it takes me a few weeks to get used to discontinuing weed so maybe it'll balance out soon now that i'm not smoking, but i really doubt it. i have stopped binge eating and it didn't change my symptoms though, just decreased the amount of candy i'd puke up in the morning. fifth grade maybe? i grew up with free breakfast and lunches because I was poor. I'd eat breakfast most mornings and eventually felt sick to my stomach doing so and I stopped. Around high school, I tried to eat breakfasts again because I was big into sports and weightlifting and the nausea got worse, so I assumed I was broken in some way and just waited until lunch to try and eat again. now im 36 and probably just up and puke in the morning every 2 months or so. i am a regular smoker, yeah, not a long term one (tried it 6 months ago when recreational weed became legal to sell in Massachusetts) though. evenings and weekends and it has cut down on my drinking a lot, which is good. prior I was on a long term job hunt so I wanted to make sure I'd piss clean. i plan to get a medical card provided I can find a doctor who will give me one because it has helped me immensely
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Jun 13, 2019 00:11
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