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naem posted:my dad tried to talk me out of the military so really the opposite of this thread Tried, sounds like it fits itt.
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Jun 7, 2019 17:45
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Not directly neglectful/abusive, but I guess Dad was self-conscious about going bald? I have no memory of him not wearing a baseball cap. We were at the amusement park and went on the big roller coaster, and his hat blew off at some point. So he leaves ~8 year old me alone and unattended for about 20 minutes while he sneaks into the restricted area under the coaster to find his hat.
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Jun 7, 2019 17:55
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:hey, how do i not be one of these dads if i grew up with a sequence of dads exactly like this, and no other strong male role models to unlearn these lessons? is there a book, or perhaps some kind of ayahuasca ceremony? Actually, I think it's okay to be this type of dad to some degree. Sure, you get into some stupid poo poo and some of it is dangerous. Just try to be prepared for the situation you're going into, and keep a level head. People die for stupid reasons all the time, and if you kept your family in a bubble their whole lives then you wouldn't get to create memorable experiences with them that ultimately keep a family close together. In my example above, I got most of my family citizen's-arrested by a hyped up retired cop, and we got read our Miranda rights by a group of four heavily armed Fish and Game dudes while they searched our backpacks for "stolen artifacts" (lol) but it's something we joke about all the time. When you have teens, getting a conversation out of them is like trying to winch a concrete block through molasses so it helps to have a crazy story or two to facilitate dialogue. In short, "bad decisions make for good stories." Rad-daddio fucked around with this message at 18:09 on Jun 7, 2019 |
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Jun 7, 2019 18:05
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When I had a loose tooth my dad got excited and told the story of how when he was a boy with a loose tooth, he tied a string around it, tied the other end to a doorknob and slammed the door and the tooth painlessly popped out. Six year old me thought that was the coolest thing ever and I wanted to try it. Despite my mom protesting, my dad went and got some fishing line. Tying a tiny loop around a kid’s wiggly tooth proved more difficult than he remembered, kept slipping off but eventually it was firmly fastened to my grill, and I bravely stood my ground while dad slammed the door shut and my tooth went skittering across the room. My dad started dreaming up more creative ways to yank teeth out of my head for next time. He decided tying the tooth string to the bumper of his old truck and hitting the gas would be best. My memory is hazy but I’m pretty sure I remember standing in the driveway with string trailing out of my mouth and the neighbor kids watching and my mom coming outside to put a stop to it. I think we gave up after several attempts when he couldn’t get the tooth noose to stay on.
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Jun 7, 2019 18:08
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Ralph Hurley posted:When I had a loose tooth my dad got excited and told the story of how when he was a boy with a loose tooth, he tied a string around it, tied the other end to a doorknob and slammed the door and the tooth painlessly popped out. Six year old me thought that was the coolest thing ever and I wanted to try it. Despite my mom protesting, my dad went and got some fishing line. Tying a tiny loop around a kid’s wiggly tooth proved more difficult than he remembered, kept slipping off but eventually it was firmly fastened to my grill, and I bravely stood my ground while dad slammed the door shut and my tooth went skittering across the room. Lol this is awesome dad
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Jun 7, 2019 20:06
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My dad has endangered my life several times by allowing me to go on church/ward trips with this one ward member named Alan. I'm pretty sure Alan had some kind of social disorder because he was always very gentle with his daughters or busty blonde wife, but once he was away from them, he was a very, very different person (but still a loyal Mormon and husband). Alan was just way too masculine to deal with kids while outside of his wife's purview. He's like a rabid pitbull off the leash. He'd always encourage rough-housing or wrestling regardless of where it was or the circumstances of the fighting, and he'd always challenge kids to "survive" his brand of fun. The closest I've come to death was tubing with him at a ward trip on bear lake. It started out fun and all, I was having a good time even though rivers/lakes/oceans/seas/etc. make me incredibly uncomfortable. But at some point, he slows down and calls back, "want me to speed it up?" I like challenges so I said yes. I shouldn't have said yes. Basically Alan's concept of a challenge is whipping the tube as hard and as often as he can until either you fall off, your wrists twist or you neck loving breaks. I was 12 at this point and I was only able to hang on for around 15 seconds. I lost my shirt when i flew off so not only was that an issue, but i then had a massive rug burn on my tummy before i even slapped the water. I'm a terrible swimmer, too, so I was terrified for the 5 minutes it took him to try to control the boat slowly to reach me. this is when my great discomfort with large/torrential bodies of water became an unshakable phobia. unpleasantly turgid fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Jun 7, 2019 |
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Jun 7, 2019 20:16
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How to play hide and seek: land on the roof. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Jun 7, 2019 21:07
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Rad-daddio posted:Actually, I think it's okay to be this type of dad to some degree. Sure, you get into some stupid poo poo and some of it is dangerous. Just try to be prepared for the situation you're going into, and keep a level head. People die for stupid reasons all the time, and if you kept your family in a bubble their whole lives then you wouldn't get to create memorable experiences with them that ultimately keep a family close together. mmmmmdunno bud gonna have to differ with you on this one, i see a fairly substantial difference between "keeping your family in a bubble" and "endangering the lives of your loved ones, generally just for shits." think i can probably walk the middle path on this one, you know?
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Jun 7, 2019 21:08
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Can we talk about Dad Cooking? My dad couldn't cook for poo poo but had a bunch of kitchen rules like: - bread mold won't hurt you you big baby - same for cheese mold, don't even scrape that off, slap that sucker on your sandwich, good for you! - why would you throw away perfectly good* lettuce??? STOP WASTING FOOD YOU THINK I'M MADE OF MONEY? He would take 3+ hours to make dinner and it'd still be undercooked. Once he decided to treat us to "homemade" hot chocolate, which apparently to him meant scalding he gently caress out of some milk to the point where there were solid burnt chunks in it (or he just didn't wash the pot beforehand which is entirely possible) and then adding Ovaltine and calling us ungrateful when we ran to the bathroom gagging because of the milk chunks in it. * "50% brown liquid"
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Jun 7, 2019 21:21
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You know, this thread makes me feel pretty good about my parenting. Sure, I taught my kids how to make (low) explosives, and have them help me ram rocket motors and make fireworks, but I haven't drunkenly gotten them almost killed. Yet.
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Jun 7, 2019 22:54
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Sapper posted:You know, this thread makes me feel pretty good about my parenting. Sure, I taught my kids how to make (low) explosives, and have them help me ram rocket motors and make fireworks, but I haven't drunkenly gotten them almost killed. It appears it’s a very low bar. So gg
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Jun 7, 2019 22:57
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Sapper posted:You know, this thread makes me feel pretty good about my parenting. Sure, I taught my kids how to make (low) explosives, and have them help me ram rocket motors and make fireworks, but I haven't drunkenly gotten them almost killed. Give it time.
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Jun 7, 2019 23:45
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I miss my dad. He was really bad with money and invested some 60k dollars into some high tech programming thing that never went anywhere but he knew how to make me smile. He did go on long 3+ hour rants though. He was also the soccer coach dad for the longest time and every single practice we would stay like an extra 2 hours. I have a lot of poo poo to blame him for but also a lot to thank him for. I never got to say goodbye he just died from cancer without telling anyone. .
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Jun 8, 2019 00:19
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I've got a few stories, ranging from my dad just being a dick that were sometimes funny to doing things that could've gotten us both killed When a Stranger Calls When I was 8 or so we lived up in a cabin by a lake in the mountains, great views and it could get foggy and spooky some nights. On one of those nights, my dad drives off to the store to grab some smokes. While he's gone the phone rings, and a creepy raspy voice says "I know you're alone." This was before the cellphone days or caller ID or whatever. Plus my dad is lazy and cheap so not the sort you'd expect to use a payphone for a practical joke. Well, his girlfriend sees me pick up the phone and immediately turn pale as a ghost, so she's suddenly getting worried. Apparently without skipping a beat I immediately said "It's for you," and held out the phone so she could speak to the serial killer. My dad at least didn't break character and burst out laughing until she took the phone, but couldn't keep the bit going. Family Heirloom Cooking Ingredients My dad was terrible about cleaning out his kitchen, and as a kid there were multiple times when I'd pour cereal or a glass of OJ without thinking only to take a bite or sip and be reminded of that. Hell, my grandmother died when I was 10, and he still had stuff like the powdered sugar from her kitchen 20 years later. So my dad thought it was hilarious when at 12 I poured some cereal, didn't smell anything bad but when I took a bite of lucky charms and ran over to the sink sputtering and spitting about milk and cereal, and half gurgled out "I think the milk has gone bad." It was a bitter strange and terrible flavor I'd never tasted in milk. It wasn't spoiled, just buttermilk since my dad had taken up baking recently. Don't Make Me Stop This Car and Make My Own Drink! So as I mentioned my dad was frugal about some things, so when he decided we were going down the hill to visit some of his friends at a local pub, it just made sense to pregame. Obviously it would be irresponsible to get drunk, then drive the hour down winding mountain roads. So his solution was to fill a MacDonald's commemorative Batman cup with ice, and bring jack and mixer with him. He wasn't going to sit and drink his diet mountain breeze and jack in the parking lot alone like a weirdo. -Instead halfway down the hill he has his 10 year old son pour and mix him a drink while he's driving. As you can imagine a scrawny kid was not the best mixologist, especially in a moving vehicle. So after taking one sip of the vile 50/50 blend my dad pours the cup out the window. Pissed and without a shred of irony he bellows "Don't make me stop this car and make my own drink!" We were both quiet for what was probably a solid minute as that sunk in. Then my father and I both burst out laughing nearly to the point of tears. The second drink was better, I guess. The Strong Smell of Gasoline My dad was a chain smoker when I was younger. A lit cigarette was in his hand if he was awake, hell at his worst he'd even wake up in the middle of the night to have a smoke. I still have scars on the back of a few fingers from when he would burn me because I tried to hold his hand.* So after pumping gas one night, he wasn't going to let the fact he spilled a little gasoline on himself stop him from lighting up. It was even kind of funny the way his teenaged son sitting next to him in the passenger seat was spooked by it. Now, I need to point out this isn't just a "Oh he got in the car and mentioned spilling some gasoline," this is a matter of his hands and shirt stank of it. It was so funny that after lighting the cigarette, he then proceeded to hold the lighter up to the hand that he'd spilled gas on, moving the flame up and down his arm cackling as he said "look ma, no fire!" My dad isn't exactly stupid, and talking about this story with him after the fact he even acknowledges how dangerous it was, and that I hadn't exaggerated details in my memory. It was just that in that moment, the look on my face as the man speeding down the highway attempted to light his arm on fire was completely worth the risk of self-immolation. *It was always an accident, and was usually from me not looking up as a kid and reaching for daddy's hand without looking up when he wasn't paying attention and we were walking together. I just like describing it that way while showing people the 2-3 scars because it makes him uncomfortable, and he genuinely feels bad about it.
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Jun 8, 2019 00:31
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I did not read the thread. My dad wanted me to be on the loop de loop, so he said "stand on my foot" It was a fun loop de loop
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Jun 8, 2019 00:34
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Probably the funniest thing that ever happened was we were filling the car up with gas and I pulled the nozzle out and drenched my dad with gasoline. I thought it was hilarious! !!!! My dad was a chainsmoker too so lol
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Jun 8, 2019 00:36
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Drove out to the Singing Sands in Eureka Valley, near Death Valley, at the hottest time of year. Turned out the rental 4x4 had (I don't remember exactly, but I believe) 3-Ply tyres rather than ones rated for going actually off-road. The sizzling hot gravel track to the sands sliced through one tyre, which we had to sub in for the spare in the 40+ celsius heat. Then on the way back to the road, the track shredded 2-3 more of them leaving us stranded, though fortunately making it back to the road. I guess we were there for about 6-7 hours until a car passed which we flagged down. Incredibly, the passengers in the car were French and didn't speak a word of English, but fortunately we communicated our issue in pigeon French and they disappeared over the horizon. Guess we were there another 3-4 hours until a tow truck came over the mountain. Guy in the tow truck said we were lucky, because the last time this happened to somebody else, they had been trapped out there for 3 days because so few people drove that way. Not really a super risky scenario compared to some, I'm sure, but if we hadn't had tonnes of water in the back, it could have been pretty loving unpleasant for sure if nobody had come across us. When we traded that car in to the rental place in Las Vegas, feigning ignorance, it was absolutely destroyed lmao, car was making these horrible grinding noises over the slightest bump.
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Jun 8, 2019 01:52
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Some guy and his wife in a pickup truck cut my dad off with me in the passenger seat of his pickup truck in a parking lot abd my dad decided to make a big thing about it and started chasing him around the parking lot and playing i'm gonna crash into you chicken with the other truck and the whole thing ended with your lucky your wife / son is with you and nothing happened
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Jun 8, 2019 03:02
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My dad's a sociopath, so I have a lot of stories about him putting my life in danger. He's still alive and shows up in my life pretty frequently, so I'm not sure I can 'past tense' that statement.
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Jun 8, 2019 04:52
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Hyrax Attack! posted:He drives automatics with one foot on the gas and one on the brake (does anyone else on the planet do that?!) My father-in-law used to do that. I think I heard it was a thing that some police are taught to do. No my father-in-law wasn't an ex-cop, why do you ask? I guess he spent at least half his life driving manuals, do you miss having something for your left foot to do?  He probably came closer to putting my life in danger than my own father what with all those times he would stop in the middle of an intersection because he was confused about where the satellite navigation was taking us, or slowed down or stopped the car at all sorts of other inappropriate places because "look at that!" but yeah compared to everyone else in this thread I've been living in a bubble. This is why kids aren't resilient these days, they've never had to fear for their life.
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Jun 8, 2019 10:31
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My dad lit some branches we had cleared from our lot with gasoline and I very clearly remember him stumbling out of the smoke coughing, and that his legs were smooth like he had shaved them (the hair was all burnt off)
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Jun 11, 2019 14:34
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Jeza posted:Drove out to the Singing Sands in Eureka Valley, near Death Valley, at the hottest time of year. Turned out the rental 4x4 had (I don't remember exactly, but I believe) 3-Ply tyres rather than ones rated for going actually off-road. The sizzling hot gravel track to the sands sliced through one tyre, which we had to sub in for the spare in the 40+ celsius heat. Then on the way back to the road, the track shredded 2-3 more of them leaving us stranded, though fortunately making it back to the road. Yeah that uh, could've tuned out really bad for you. That's literally the Death Valley Germans' origin story without the minivan.
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Jun 11, 2019 15:04
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I kinda figured most people would drive automatics with two feet; like it's one of those things they tell new drivers not to do cause it's easy to gently caress up in an emergency when you don't have the muscle memory; like not covering your levers on a motorcycle Can you heel-toe break in an automatic? Does revving the engine on a down shift do anything?
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Jun 11, 2019 15:09
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Kak posted:Nobody was in hurt or in danger, but it involves my dad so I'm telling it anyways. Dads being horny for moms are one of the few groups that fall under "lawful horny" in my book. My story involves my surrogate father (aka my grampa). When he was hungover in the morning, he would let me ride his shoulders down stairs. Almost everytime, he would fall down the stairs and i would be greatly amused (and amazingly not snap my neck). He once let me sit in his lap and park the car in the driveway. My mischievous self decided to veer right into my swingset beside the driveway. He almost blew my cousin's leg off with an M80 he wanted to show us in the backyard. The scorched patch of earth stayed for years; long after him moving out 
Yestermoment fucked around with this message at 15:16 on Jun 11, 2019 |
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Jun 11, 2019 15:11
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This is about a dad that I just met. This past weekend I was invited to go Moab with my brother-in-law who is a member of a 4x4 group. We did the Hells Revenge trail, not overly technical, but has some pretty gnarly spots. The most serious obstacles are named and clearly marked which means don't gently caress around if your an amateur. Well we came up on The Escalator and were flagged down by an old lady and could hear the most horrific screaming from the top of the hill. Looking up we find an overturned 4 door razor and old lady's husband trying to help driver and whoever else is inside. Let's rewind. Two weeks ago the driver went with a group of friends on this trail. This sure looks easy and it's a lot if fun, I should come back and take my 3 kids out. Dad decides to rent a razor. When you rent these things in Moab, there are only two trails you are allowed on, and the contracts specifically mention to not go on named obstacles, you break it you buy it sort of thing. So dipshit dad, takes his 3 kids out, not part of a group, no water, no radio, no first aid kit. Tries The Escalator, rolls it, and in the process, because it's human reaction, stuck his hand out to catch himself as the machine tipped over. We had 7 rigs out there, mostly Jeep's, one Nissan truck, and one Frankenstein. Tens of thousands of dollars in tires, lifts, and other equipment, and a lot of combined experience. Frankly I don't understand these people, but I'll admit it was fun. So we're flagged down by the old lady, who was also just renting, one dude in our group immediately jumps on his ham radio and calls it in. We climb up and it was a blood bath. Compound fracture, lots of blood, dad and kids stuck upside down. We get them out, get first aid going, and are told by park rangers to hang tight and to not attempt to drive this guy into town. It took them an hour and a half to reach us.
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Jun 12, 2019 08:13
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Actively chased and harassed large alligators while in a canoe full of screaming cub scouts.
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Jun 12, 2019 12:24
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Hmm, my dad story is pretty mild but also involves boats! (Boat dad trauma crew!) When i was ten (ish), he leased a pontoon boat from some place that was sound-side (between the barrier islands and the mainland coast of NC). It had one 75 HP motor and we went out to putter around on this nice day with mom, dad, my older brother, and myself. So we are out for a while, maybe a mile or more out, and storm clouds had been rolling in pretty quickly. We also had been drifting closer to an inlet which was a channel for large vessels. A cargo ship had passed some distance ahead and at this point the winds were picking up a little. I'm sitting in one of the front two spinny fishing seats with my brother when i see a long hump in the water approaching us pretty quickly. It hits us at about a 30 degree angle and at the last second i ran out of the chair towards the back of the boat. Too late, got nailed by this wave of water that smacked me towards the back of the boat and put me in a daze. After like ten seconds i come to and find my mom hanging onto a strap on my life vest, everybody is soaked, but still in the boat. Dad is cursing and trying to fight the winds and increasingly choppy water as we turn around to go back to the rental place. So yeah, dad took an underpowered booze cruising pontoon boat geared up for fishing in shallower water out into the intercoastal waterway. We hit the wake of a big cargo ship that didn't look like that tall of a wave before it hit and I'm lucky for mom's fast reflexes so i didn't end up getting blasted out of the boat. I can bring it up today and he's still mad as hell at the boat being underpowered but there was some of that reckless stubborn dad energy driving that too. Also I'm glad my dad got one of those toyotas with all of the assists and alarms for his driving because he is terrible about loving about with technology while he drives. Things like needlessly setting the GPS for a six minute drive to a destination he knows how to get to from memory. Of course he has to gently caress with the GPS while driving either 5 under or 10 over the limit and swerving about and only when he gets yelled at will he stop. So that's currently how dad continues to put our lives in danger for fun. He's a good dad though. Didn't usually put us in danger. I guess i grew up in a bubble but my dad bought us those silver gameboys for Christmas and did not back over our legs afterward.
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Jun 12, 2019 13:36
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when i was 11 my best friend came around and my dad was in the walls of our house never found out why, never asked him why, don't want to know why just knowing that my buddy and i walked into the tv room , the tv's missing and we hear a thump, followed by "I'm in the walls." we went outside to play ball instead
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Jun 12, 2019 14:05
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Clawtopsy posted:when i was 11 my best friend came around and my dad was in the walls of our house maybe because it's morning when I read this but this is the funniest drat thing to me so thank you
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Jun 12, 2019 14:32
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mindstorm posted:Hmm, my dad story is pretty mild but also involves boats! (Boat dad trauma crew!) Aye, Aye! Captain Dad! Setting sail for disaster! I'm thoroughly convinced that a dad should not own a boat unless his dad also owned a boat, and even better if there's three or more generations of boaters in the family. Too many people think it's basically just a floating car. Boats and Dads, just don't.
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Jun 12, 2019 15:42
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My dad's car didn't have working seatbelts or a passenger door that latched properly. We were driving in the mountains and took a hard turn onto a bridge over a deep gorge when my door swung open and I almost fell out. I think I was 7 or so. He just laughed it off and reached over and pulled the door shut. When I told my mom she didn't believe me.
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Jun 12, 2019 16:10
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Clawtopsy posted:when i was 11 my best friend came around and my dad was in the walls of our house
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Jun 12, 2019 16:20
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We lived in rural NY near the PA border, and fireworks being illegal in NY, he would go to PA every 4th of July with like $300 in cash and come back with all the explosives he could afford. He and my younger brother (I was busy playing videogames  ) would spend the day in the garage using the hot glue gun and spare fuse to basically secure all the fireworks to a piece of plywood and rig them all to a single fuse so they'd go off together. When night came he would encourage my brother and I to light bottle rockets in our hand and throw them before they exploded, and to shoot Roman candles into the woods / at each other. Finally, the plywood was hauled out for the "finale", which invariably involved my bro and I arguing over who got to light it. He'd hand the winner a lighter and told us to be quick. The "viewing area" at the opposite end of the yard was like, 50-60 feet away at best. The fireworks would start going off, all at once, before we could run back. Standing so close to the resulting explosion was absolutely thrilling but obviously super dangerous, though somehow no one was ever hurt. Years later, my brother did a tour in Iraq at a base that was regularly shelled by insurgents, and he described the sound and feelings it provoked in him as similar to our family 4th of July celebration.
The Bramble fucked around with this message at 16:24 on Jun 12, 2019 |
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Jun 12, 2019 16:22
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Putting our lives in danger was my dad's favorite joke of all time, and being an actual Florida Man he would occasionally come up with some good ones. Literally every time anyone in our immediate family went on a ferris wheel, or any type of ride that possibly looks rickety he would always ride along and point out to everyone (strangers included) how it's JUST this ONE bolt holding us up and look how it moves and almost pops out when he does this! (Queue footage of my dad furiously rocking the gondola as hard as possible) We didn't travel often because we were poor as poo poo, but sometimes we'd visit distant relatives and would get a rental car. My dad always bought the extra insurance and then proceeded to tell us every single time we would get in the rental that "you can do ANYTHING YOU WANT with a rental car..." He would drive normally for a few miles and then just randomly hit the parking brake and do donuts and poo poo. Once he tried it on the dirt road to my grandma's house and he misjudged how fast we were going, we would up spun out in the middle of a cornfield. The car rocked to a stop, it was dead silent for about 30 seconds after a hurried "is everyone all right?" and then he laughed and yelled "RENTAL CAR!" and floored it through the rest of the loving cornfield. He always loved July 4th because he had a tradition of blowing something up every year. Usually some of effigy (one year he exploded a cardboard standup of Bush Sr. and Barbara Bush using THOUSANDS of firecrackers very carefully inserted into a lattice) but the one year that was trouble was when he got his hands on some dynamite. He somehow got a whole bunch of little sticks of the stuff from his work and proceeded to try to blow up various things in various ways. The first attempt was an old plastic trash can he put upside down in the back yard. We had maaaybe a quarter acre yard both front and back with many houses visible- we were not in the boonies. Anyways, he lights up the trash can, we hide behind random objects in the yard for safety and BOOM. No one was looking directly at the can when it exploded, so to this day we have no idea where it went. All I know is I was suddenly showered with dirt as a 3 foot crater was blasted out (a few more feet to the west and it would've been right over the septic tank.) Not to be deterred, the next trash can attempt was done in the front yard this time, in the street! We could get more distance from the explosion so everyone could see it and it wouldn't leave a crater! Well, the first part of that idea was right but the second part? 2 foot deep crater in the freshly repaved road. Fun fact- sticks of dynamite will set off all car alarms within a half mile radius of the blast.
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Jun 12, 2019 17:03
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Mine are all mostly car/speed related. In 1981, we went and picked up a 1964 Studebaker Avanti in Colorado Springs. Somewhere on the way back to Indiana, he had to see what the old 289/4spd/4.11 combo would do while my six year old self was strapped to the front bucket seat with a lap belt. It was quick off the line, but 125 was all it had with the 4.11 gears. He held it there for an extended stretch and then eventually pulled over to the side of the road to let my mom in our 81 Pontiac Bonneville diesel catch up. She was not impressed. Also, back in the 80s he had a good rapport with a couple local dealers and even at that, most would let you test drive without going with you. Test driving Buick Grand Nationals, 5.0L Mustang LXs, IROCs/TAs always included finding the nearest county road and letting it rip. At least those all had shoulder belts. Then, there was the triple digit speeds sitting on the back of his Moto Guzzi. I had a helmet but no other gear. Might be why I don’t leave the house with anything less than helmet, gloves, boots and jacket on my motorcycles. Although it wasn't necessarily fun, I remember one time he had me help carry meat to the grill for a party we were having. Evidently opened the gas valve, forgot it, and then went inside to get meats, seasoning and tools. We went back out and after two clicks, blew the lid from the closed position over backwards behind the grill.
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Jun 12, 2019 17:05
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We went camping a lot when us kids were younger and we got up to a lot of shenanigans. One year we saved our christmas tree for 4 months and then brought it camping. Tossed it on the campfire one night and everyone including all of the campfires around us were treated to an instant unsuspected bonfire. Thankfully nothing and no one else caught on fire but me and my sister had to run for cover. Park rangers were pissed. He heartily encouraged us to go swimming in alligator infested waters all the time. He would nominally act as lookout and if he saw a gator the first step is he'd hollar at it to make it go away and if that didn't work he'd slap the water to make it go away. This was official family policy until June 19, 1993 when we spent all day swimming in the Loxahatchee River not far from our camp site at Jonathan Dickinson State Park. It turns out riiight around the river bend from where were swimming, the family in the camp site 2 sites down from us was too and their little boy got gator'd. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fatal_alligator_attacks_in_the_United_States Also anyone who fell asleep around the campfire at night might wake up with a live armadillo on their lap. Considering most of the adults on our camp trips would be spending time drinking around the fire all night, this happened every trip. No one knew how he caught them.
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Jun 12, 2019 17:24
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I'm very afraid of the ocean and to this day will not go near it. Lakes are fine, rivers are fine, the ocean can go gently caress itself. When I was a kid I was even more afraid of the ocean. So my dad takes me (7 years old at the time) out on a jetski, saying he will stay close to shore. He immediately goes way out to where you can just barely see the shore, and then rips a real hard turn and flips the jetski. I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe well for over an hour. My dad at least apologized. Apparently he thought I was exaggerating when I told him how much the ocean scares me.
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Jun 12, 2019 17:28
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Trekking in the hills of Kashmir 4 year old me wants to go on foot with my dad like a big boy instead of on these stupid ponies, so mum and dad relent and I’m allowed to go ahead with him. Probably bored with me slowing down the pace he decides to take a ‘shortcut’ up a 20 foot near vertical rock face with me riding piggyback, no ropes or climbing equipment, gently caress that - a pair of hi-tec silver shadows and English public school arrogance will be enough. Surprise surprise we fall off about halfway up, I’m almost entirely unscathed due to the rubber toddler effect but dad is hosed up with bleeding grazes all down both his legs and a huge flap of skin on one of his hands pissing blood everywhere. Eventually some of the porters catch up to us and one goes back to the main group to explain in broken English that ‘big fall, children crying’ - needless to say my mum is in full panic mode until they catch up an hour later. I’m fairly sure he didn’t admit to trying to climb up as although I don’t remember much myself my mum would have gone bananas at the time and has referred to it half jokingly in the years since. He would also routinely load us into the boot of the car when more kids than the car could hold needed to be ferried to the cinema/swimming pool/whatever but we were more than willing participants and quite possibly instigators
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Jun 12, 2019 17:34
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my dad mostly just let us read Stephen King at a really young age and was into comic books and like, dnd flavored genre fiction in general, passing this trait on to us, ensuring we’d be weird dorks for life (thanks dad!)
naem fucked around with this message at 17:53 on Jun 12, 2019 |
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Jun 12, 2019 17:48
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| # ? Jun 4, 2024 05:48 |
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I don't really have anything to add because the worst thing my dad did to me was to be like medium absent as a father, but reading this thread has made me realise that all these dumb motherfuckers I serve at the bottleshop almost definitely have kids that they're gonna put in danger. God bless you all for surviving
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Jun 12, 2019 17:49
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