/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Xik posted:

It has gotten to a point where my girlfriend and I signed a contract of an open-relationship until I get my own car.

I�ve read the intro to the paste bin twice and I still don�t understand how you follow logic from �I don�t own an automobile� to �therefore, it�s cool to bang other people for fun�.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:05

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# ? Jun 12, 2024 07:32

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

i vomit kittens posted:

AITA for putting up a girl's name as the WIFI Name?

100% unreliable narrator. Still pissed after 5 years and willing to nuke a future relationship? Riiiiight

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:06

kimbo305: Jun 9, 2007; actually, yeah, I am a little mad

He's so dumb that he couldn't keep the Wifi rename consistent with the rest of the story.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:08

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

MarcusSA posted:

100% unreliable narrator. Still pissed after 5 years and willing to nuke a future relationship? Riiiiight

Yeah, like, if all he'd done was be kind of a jerk after getting humiliated for merely having a crush why would that nuke his potential relationship? He's leaving out a lot, I bet.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:09

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Darkhold posted:

I don't understand how someone can say 'he'll be an amazing father' and 'he's going to kick me and our baby out if my vag tightness doesn't meet his approval' in the same post.

Also surprise kid when they're using no birth control is like being surprised water is wet.

What I'm saying is I think this woman might be a tad stupid.

Edit: just to be clear he's clearly a total piece of garbage and I hope she leaves ASAP.

You can just tell he's the kind of man that expects the regular sex to resume no less than a week after the baby is born, too.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:19

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO: Feb 28, 1985

Xik posted:

The full thing is a rambling mess of "2,255 words 12,002 characters"

e: and yes, the dude is obviously a spineless loser with the emotional maturity of a 12 year old

^^ my pm inbox right now

GRINDCORE MEGGIDO fucked around with this message at 14:53 on Jun 20, 2019

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:40

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Dear Prudence - Guilted About Dying Mother

quote:

Dear Prudence,
I was not beaten or neglected, but my mom treated me (her daughter), from a young age, like her spouse, best friend, personal therapist, marriage counselor, and priest. I knew highly inappropriate things about her marriage to my dad and her past and was expected to guide her through these things. I was also expected to anticipate her moods and wants. If I failed to do so, she�d fly into a rage. My mom was estranged from her family and had no friends. She hated my father, though she refused to divorce him and did her best to make me hate him too. In high school and college, I suffered from severe depression, self-hatred, and anxiety. After a suicide attempt, I finally sought therapy and eventually cut off all contact with my mom because she would not respect my boundaries and continued to be abusive. That was four years ago.

My life is much happier and healthier without her in it. But recently a hospital called to say my mom was sick and that I needed to care for her (my dad has since passed away). When I refused, they began to guilt me, saying that I only have one mother and I�ll regret this when she�s gone. When I held my ground, they threatened that I may have legal obligations to her. I checked, and there are no such laws in my state. My once-supportive friends are now guilting me too. This woman got the first 30 years of my life. I�m not giving her one day more. How do I get the hospital, social workers, and my friends to understand this?
�Won�t Be Her Caretaker

quote:

The hospital and social workers should be the easiest to deal with: Block whichever numbers or email addresses they�ve been using to contact you, and return any mail sent to your home care of sender. You don�t need to argue with them or offer details about the abuse that you suffered. They have no legal or moral grounds from which to harass you into managing your estranged mother�s care. Friends are a lot harder, because you want and need emotional support, compassion, and understanding from them. I�d try putting it to them like this: �I hope that at this point in our relationship you generally trust my judgment. If that�s the case, I�d like to ask you to access some of that trust right now. I�m not being cold, legalistic, or unforgiving. I remember what the first 30 years of my life were like when I was in contact with my mother, and her abuse endangered my mental health, my emotional well-being, and my safety. I cannot be in contact with her. This is a choice I�ve had to make in order to stay alive. I cannot care for her. That�s not a decision I�ve made lightly or cavalierly, and while you may not understand it or relate to it, I do need you to respect it.�

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:47

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

chitoryu12 posted:

Fortunately I compiled the whole thing.

Edit: Holy poo poo go to his profile. Even more stuff happened and he's somehow making it worse.

He deleted his account :smith:

# ? Jun 20, 2019 14:58

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

I�m a straight man who got head from my gay friend and now I�m questioning everything

quote:

I(22M) have been in relationships with only women. A few nights ago, a friend of mine who�s gay(24M) came over to play video games. Eventually, we stopped playing and put on a movie and started drinking. We started asking each other very personal questions as it was very late at night and I was taken back when he asked �have u ever received head from a man�. I didn�t know how to respond and we left it at that. He asked again 10 minutes later and for some reason, I was feeling horny and excited at the prospect of him going down on me. I don�t find men attractive at all but I let him give me a blowjob and it was the best head I�ve ever received from anyone. He knew exactly what to do, and I�ve never had a hard on that fast. He made eye contact while he was going down on me and that�s how I came and he swallowed. It was the best blowjob I�ve ever received in my life. Last night, I asked him to come over to �play video games� and again he gave me an amazing blowjob. The way he uses his tongue around the base is so appealing. Anyway, now I�m confused as to whether or not I�m straight. I would never kiss another man but the blowjob I received from my friend is the greatest experience I�ve ever had. Am I bisexual?

quote:

Update: Many of you encouraged me to experiment with my friend because now is the time to do so, and I think you�re right and I�m taking your advice. I phoned my friend and told him how I�d like to experiment with him sexually(where both of us don�t have clothes on) and he is coming over tomorrow night. Hopefully by Friday I can provide u with an update on what my sexuality is because frankly, this has been an interesting experience

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:00

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

Pinecone Sample posted:

Finally, one of these young women mention what their family thinks

My (26F) boyfriend (42M) wants me to have a c-section so my vagina won't be "ruined" for sex.

it's been mentioned that vaginas go back to normal after childbirth, so this guy is a total moron. He also is not thinking that after a C-section, since they cut through the muscles in a woman's stomach, most women will have a pooch or whatever you want to call it forever that is very difficult to get rid of other than plastic surgery. I'd bet anything if she got a C-section this idiot would complain that she got fat, when it's something that really can't be helped.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:05

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

DemoneeHo posted:

I’m a straight man

Uh huh

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:07

i vomit kittens: Apr 25, 2019

My[19m] crush[19f] slept with a guy she has called an rear end in a top hat and a player[20m] after I ignored her she now talking about dating . I am a virgin

quote:

I am back at my family home now after spring semester is over. My crush we will call her Jamie.

I met Jamie in college and turns out she lives 30 mins away from me. We have been talking for a while, and we share a lot of the same classes and even more next semester.

In our dorm there�s this guy call him Joe, he is the really popular guy on our floor. He has a reputation of sleeping with a bunch of different women, and I know too cause we share a bathroom on our floor, plus it�s quite easy to overhear people...

Jamie has met him a couple times when we were studying in the lounge, she has called him an rear end in a top hat, saying guys like him sleep with women to cover an insecurity.

I saw a while back she followed him on IG, and then one night I saw her use the bathroom and then go back his dorm room at 2:00 am.

I was heart broken, I never had a girlfriend before and I thought me and Jamie could be a thing. I didn�t even think Joe would go for a girl like Jamie since he usually goes for sorority girl types. I cried I�m not going to lie, I know we aren�t technically dating.

After that I stepped back from the friendship. But now she has asked me to hang out. She has been a lot more flirty too, she has been asking me if I like anyone, and if I think she is attractive. She has sent snaps in different outfits asking me to rate them.

I don�t know what to do, if I am being honest I am upset that she slept with Joe even though we weren�t a thing but at the same time I like her. She has also said she would never date a guy off an app that she needs to know a guy for a long time before she would ever date them. And most of the couples I knew were friends before they dated.

I never had a relationship before and I�m not sure what to do. She doesn�t know I know she slept with Joe. Also it makes me really uneasy too because I am a virgin. I know she isn�t but the fact that she slept with Joe makes me even more uneasy.

Tl;Dr- I found out the girl I wanted to date slept with a guy known as a player and rear end in a top hat. I am really uneasy about moving forward with a relationship now.

Some great comments on this one:

quote:

The funny thing is that the same traits that make players assholes also make them attractive/popular to women. Don�t ask me why, I don�t understand women.

quote:

This is what many 19 year old girls do. They like attention from the ahole alphas.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:09

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

i vomit kittens posted:

My[19m] crush[19f] slept with a guy she has called an rear end in a top hat and a player[20m] after I ignored her she now talking about dating . I am a virgin

Some great comments on this one:

Hot take: while it's not really his business who she slept with in a vacuum and this most definitely isn't coming from a good place, it's fair for him to bring up her sleeping with a man both of them vocally espoused distaste for prior and discuss how that makes him uncomfortable

Like it's not an incel thing to say "why'd you sleep with a guy you knew was an rear end in a top hat" it's a pretty valid question

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:13

welcome to hell: Jun 9, 2006

An Affair to Remember... by labeanie

quote:

Hey guys, I am writing because I am so lost at the moment. I really need you guys to not sugarcoat it and tell me straight up what I already know in my heart. [Very] Long post ahead.

My husband and I started dating each other in 2012. We were long distance as I was going to one college and he another out of state. At the time I was 19 and he 26. I was head over heels for him, and we were dating long distance, with our main communication being texts, calls and FaceTime. He would find every opportunity to come visit me at school and I was in pure bliss for about two years.

At the time we first started dating, this girl �J� would always add me on Facebook. I saw that she�s a mutual friend between my husband (boyfriend at the time) and I. However, I do not accept friend requests from people I don�t know. So I would delete her. And she would add me back. And I would delete. And this continued to happen about another 4 times or so. So I was really weirded out but whatever. Then a few months later, in his car trunk, I found a sorority jacket that looked very familiar. I realized where I saw it from (on Facebook profile pic). I asked him �Is this J�s?� He said yes. I asked why do you have it. He said he hung out with her and she forgot it, he have to give it back to her whenever he sees her next. Mind you, he has never mentioned hanging out with a female friend. I don�t care if he has female friends, as I have male friends that I hang out with too. So I brushed it off.....

New year 2015, we weren�t able to be together as we live in different states. We FaceTime to ring in the new year together, he said he was hitting up the bars at his college town, I said cool have fun. We hung up, 5 mins later, J messaged me on fb and told me to text my boyfriend. I was scared of course, worried he had gotten in an accident or something. I called, he answered, he was fine. So I was like wtf is going on. J messaged me and asked if I knew who she is, I said you�re a mutual friend. She said it�s a private matter. If he want you to know he will tell you. I just got such a dreadful feeling, and I Facebook stalked her. I found out they went to the shooting range together, recently, without my knowledge. I asked him did they have history. He said no. He gave me all his passwords to everything. I went on the email, and saw that they were gently caress buddies before we dated. I was so upset, because you just don�t stay friends with people you had history with!! We argued on and off about her for a few months. I had spoken to her as well, she told me they�re just friends now, he loves me and is going to propose to me. I had weird vibes about her, and he promised he would not hang out with her anymore. Soon after he proposed to me. At this time we were following each other on find friends, one night/early morning, I couldn�t sleep, I checked his location and he was driving around. I thought it was weird as it was 4am, and he didn�t text or call me. I kept an eye on his location, and when he stopped at this place for a long time. I called him and no answer. He didn�t answer until an hour and a half later even though I was calling him. I screenshotted his location from that night. He told me he couldn�t sleep, he was driving around to think. At this moment in time, we had just gotten engaged, we just got our groove back, I didn�t want to rock the boat. So I just kept it in the back of my mine and I moved to his state after I graduated that summer.

After I moved there, while I was bored, I decided to play detective, and drove to that address that I screenshotted that night. My crazy rear end checked the mailbox, (I know, federal crime), looking for J�s last name, but a different family lives there. However they�re the same ethnicity as my husband and I and J. I didn�t think much of it. I started hanging out with my fianc�s friends whom he work with, one of the girls invited me to her house for girls night....and guess whose house it was.......that�s right. The address that my fianc� was at, at 4am, and was there for an hour and a half, and didn�t answer my calls, when he said he couldn�t sleep.......I questioned him about it, he said he have no idea what I�m talking about, I sent him the screenshot, he said he seriously have no idea he was driving around a lot during that time when we were having problems. That girl�s house is K. Idk, she was super nice to me, her friends and her quickly involved me in their group, and I became more of their friends than my fianc�, even though they were friends first. Maybe it was because I�m in a new town, knew nobody, and I felt lonely, so when I started having a group of my own, I forced myself to forget about it....even though I never forgot.

My husband at the time had a coupe, and I a SUV. I had made a comment that eventually we would need a bigger car, maybe a 4 door as a coupe is small and it�ll be hard to get a care seat in when we start a family. He started looking around for another car, however I didn�t know he was serious about trading his coupe for a 4 door. One day at work, he said he had a surprise for me. When I got home, he drove up in a new 4 door infinity. I had no idea he was seriously actively looking. No idea he found a car. No idea he was going to sell it. He said he got a spacey car because I wanted a spacey car. In my shock, I had mixed emotions, yes it�s sweet he took the initiative to get a different car, however I would�ve liked to be included in the decision making, as we are engaged and soon to be married....I would�ve liked to went with him to sell it and went with him to pick out the new car. I didn�t want to overreact as he was so excited about the new car, so again, I kept my silence.

We got married in 2016. Call it coincidence or not, on his bday that year after we got married, I had a weird feeling. So I went on her fb again, and on her cover pic, was a pic of the coupe that he sold.......the EXACT. SAME. CAR. I was in such a daze that day. It�s his bday. I didn�t want to completely lose it. However, internally, I was losing it. The next day, I asked him why does J have the same car as you just sold? He said he doesn�t know, he can�t control what people buy. He asked why am I always stuck on J. I asked for the paperwork of when he sold the car, he gave excuses, such as he�s waiting for their signature, he doesn�t have it, he have to go get it. Blah blah. In my heart, I JUST KNEW IT�S HIS COUPE THAT HE SOLD TO HER. I just couldn�t get him to admit it. So again, I let it slide.....

Five months after we got married. FIVE MONTHS......we went to eat dinner. He always leave lotion on the side pocket of the passenger door for me. I reached down and picked up a pair of keys. It was dark that night, however, I could make out a Disney finding dory and Disney cars keys....clearly a woman�s keys. On the keys were an infinity car key. My heart sank. My husband has a black infinity rubber cover on the key, this one had a red infinity rubber cover on the key, obviously it�s a pair. And I just knew without a doubt, these were J�s keys. My husband was shocked, and he said they were a clients keys. I asked why do you have a clients keys, he said Bc they had the same car, he wanted to go compare cars. He basically pulled some bs out of his rear end, and it didn�t make no sense. So I said to myself, ok fine, there�s a cover on the keys, I will check tomorrow to see if they keys are spray painted silver, as his coupe�s keys were painted silver. When I got up for work the next morning, I rolled down the rubber, and sure enough, the keys were painted silver. I took the keys with me to work that day. On the keys, you could tell she is living at a college apartment, as I used to, because it had a gate clicker, a gym badge, small keys probably for the mailbox, and other keys for whatever reason. Call it fate, the keys also had something on it with the name of a college apartment. I called pretending to find the keys in the library, and I said I�ve been calling around to all the apartments because there�s the name �J� (and last name� on it. Of course the girl confirmed that yes, J lives here. And I freaked. I demanded phone bills, and went looking through them. They did not talk a lot. Maybe two or three texts every 5 months or so. He said her car wouldn�t start, so she asked him for help to come jump her car. I was so angry. We live in such a big city, of all the people she could�ve called, she called my husband?! And fine, let�s say that�s the case, why are her keys in the passenger door?! Wouldn�t she need her keys to start her supposedly dead car....?!?!

While looking through the phone bill, I saw a number that kept pooping up late at night, and they�re texting back and forth constantly, until the wee hours of the morning. I checked the number in my phone, it�s K�s number....I questioned both of them about it. They said they�re friends, claimed that at the time K was texting my husband so much bc of her boy problems, and needed advise from a guy�s point of view. Yes she is known in the group to have a lot of boy issues in the past, as she was stuck between two guys at the time, however she started dating her bf, and has been dating him about 6 months when I found out they were texting a lot. I was too involved with this whole J situation to be worrying about K, and I didn�t want to believe she could do something that malicious to hurt me, especially since we became such good friends......

My husband and I made up. We worked on our marriage. For 2 years, as each day went by, I was finally becoming happy again and felt secure about our marriage, finally I was able to forgive him and move forward. Of course in a marriage, we would bicker here and there, however, I fell deeply in love with him again. We were going to try to start a family this was. Until February, when I was looking through his email to cancel a subscription, and I accidentally clicked on Photos, it was just pics of his cars, and as I went to close the mail app, my finger brushed the screen up, and I saw something really weird as the app closed out. So I went back in, and saw naked pics of K.........sent to my husband...........

It turns out, while in 2015 when I found out about J, and we were so fragile, and he was doing all he could to win me back, he started messing around with K.....this girl, who befriended me, kept me close to keep an eye on our relationship and my husband, totally blind sighted me and stabbed me in the back. I practically gave her the knife to stab me in the back. The time stamps on those pics were in 2016, a month before our wedding....who knows when they stopped, or if they ever did. Meaning they have been messing around since at least 2015 or not 2014.

In my blinded rage, I sent the screenshots of their convos (about how she want to do whatever she want to him but is scared, have to look out for him and for her, how she�s not proud of doing this, and a bunch of loving bullshit) to our text group with our friends, and exposed them. At the time, I didn�t know K and her bf of 2 years were on a break/broken up/whatever. I included him in the group chat as well. And poo poo hit the fan.

She immediately started calling me, texting me, saying I need to hear her side of the story. She texted me and said at the time my fianc� told her he was single, so she didn�t see anything wrong with that. However when she meet me, they stopped. And a bunch of bs. Obviously she�s lying bc of the time stamps.

A bunch of stuff happened since February. I meet up with her, we talked and I had my closure. My husband moved out to live with his parents. And I left the country to go back to my mother country for 3 months to get away and to think. He also flew here for two weeks and asked me to give him 14 days, and in those 14 days can we live to the fullest and not speak of the past and just be in the moment. I have 12 days left before I have to fly back to the states.

Right now, I am so broken, I don�t even know where to begin to heal from this. I feel so played and so cheap. Like because I love him so much, and he knows how much I love him, he did whatever his heart desires, because he is selfish and greedy. I can�t believe I was so naive and so blinded that I ignored every single thing, and tried to live in my happy bubble for as long as I could. That bubble burst. And now I�m so broken and lost.

I�m so angry at this �friend� who always asked if we are ok, who I shared my marital ups and downs with, as she did the same with me with her relationship, that�s what girlfriends do right? I just can�t believe they carried on for as long as they did, and when all of us hang our together as a group, they have their poker face on.

I want to get a divorce. However, I am not strong enough to leave. We have three dogs together. What will happen to our pups? I love him however I am not in love with him anymore. I don�t trust home anymore. Whatever that comes out of his mouth I just want to laugh. I look at him and want to punch him in the face. However, there was a sudden death in the family, and my world got shaken up even more. I question myself, if he died, then how would I feel? Will I be able to forgive everything if he�s gone? The answer is yes, I would forgive him in a heartbeat rather than him not be in this world anymore. My husband is a good man, he is respectful to my parents and adults, educated, never raises his voice, whatever I want I get, so sweet to our pups, however, the emotional support and the mental side of this, I do not have from him. Whatever we had, he destroyed it. And now I don�t know how to get it back, or if it�s even possible. I feel defeated. I feel lost. Why was I not enough? What did they have that I didn�t have? What did they have that he kept going back to them? My self worth and self esteem is gone. I trust nobody now. I cut off everyone from that friends group, as they were friends with K way before I came into the picture. I�m always angry, always anxious, and always scared, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Overnight, I grew the gently caress up. I learned the most bitter lesson in the world.

Long and pretty boring, but they have a second post:

Will a baby rekindle the lost spark in a marriage? by labeanie

quote:

I have been daydreaming of starting a family since we were engaged. The past few months, a lot happened and I�ve fallen out of love with my husband. However, I still love him (if that even makes sense). Will starting a family rekindle what we had?

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:16

MagusofStars: Mar 31, 2012

Blade Runner posted:

Hot take: while it's not really his business who she slept with in a vacuum and this most definitely isn't coming from a good place, it's fair for him to bring up her sleeping with a man both of them vocally espoused distaste for prior and discuss how that makes him uncomfortable

In a vacuum, maybe. But there�s no way this guy has the social chops to raise the issue in a way that isn�t going to come across as ~purity~ and ~you should be only mine~.

Honestly, I�m guessing that he�d have had a similar issue no matter who it is - it�s not that she slept with a jackass, it�s that she slept with anyone; he�d be rationalizing himself into anybody not being �good enough� for his precious and perfect girl who should only be with me.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:27

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006; Can't post for 3 days!

i vomit kittens posted:

I know we aren�t technically dating

that phrase is doing a lot of work here ... and really every time it gets used.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:31

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

MagusofStars posted:

In a vacuum, maybe. But there’s no way this guy has the social chops to raise the issue in a way that isn’t going to come across as ~purity~ and ~you should be only mine~.

Honestly, I’m guessing that he’d have had a similar issue no matter who it is - it’s not that she slept with a jackass, it’s that she slept with anyone; he’d be rationalizing himself into anybody not being “good enough” for his precious and perfect girl who should only be with me.

Yeah, it's definitely coming from a "she's unpure now!!!" place, which is dumb as poo poo, I'm just saying I could understand someone being kinda uncomfortable in a situation of finding out they were sleeping with someone you and they both seemed to dislike.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:35

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Giant_Pupils posted:

He deleted his account

It's still there but trying to access the link through mobile seems to have issues. Just in case I'll repost his new stories in chronological order here so they'll be preserved:

I got robbed and beat up this morning while picking up.

quote:

Hey guys,

Thought I�d share this story with you. So today I woke up at around 5:00AM and I really wanted to smoke but I was out. So I hit up anyone who might be awake. Finally as it gets closer to 6 I find someone that I�ve never gone through before. They tell me to meet them at a gas station 15 minutes from where I live. I�m picking up 4 grams so I head out. I pull in and there is an alleyway next to the gas station with no cameras (this place is pretty popular for this kind of stuff) so I get out of my car and walk over. I sit and wait when all of a sudden two guys way bigger than me run up and one of them grabs me by the throat and tells me to give him my phone and wallet. I was instantly angry and I head butt him. He staggers back and the other guy grabs my head and slams it backwards into the bricks of the building twice and then punches me. I�m instantly disoriented and I swing at him but miss and fall over. They then both start kicking me and stomping my head. Then one of them lifts me up and slams me into the wall. I take a few more punches to the stomach and by this time I can hardly stand so they both grab my wallet and phone and leave.

So then I just laid there for probably an hour as the sun came up. I finally got up, went home and cleaned up. I�m in so much pain. I just got home again from Verizon where I have a new phone. I didn�t call any police or anything because obviously what I was doing is illegal.

This isn�t the first time and probably isn�t the last that I have been beat up lately. My entire body is messed up and I feel like once my face finally gets a chance to heal it�s gonna look all messed up.

How to avoid being beaten up with no BJJ training?

quote:

Does anyone have some basic things I can learn just to defend myself? I keep getting my rear end beat and maybe it�s my fault maybe it isn�t. But I�m currently laying in bed with bruises and cuts all over my body and every body part hurts from my face to every toe on my foot. I�m a 19 year old man and I am 5�8 and 110.

I am very weak as well I do not have that skinny guy super strength that some skinny guys have.

A girl can take a guy down fairly easily if she gets the right hold on you.

quote:

Here�s the story. I got robbed and beaten up earlier this morning and I called my friend to come over to help comfort me I guess or just to hangout. I�m a (19m) she�s a (17f). Anyways she comes over and starts talking about how she wants me to pay money to join this company and that I will make this much money for each person that joins using her code and all this garbage and I said no.

She wouldn�t shut up about it though so I got up and told her to get out of my house if all she�s coming here to do is get me wrapped up in some kind of scam. She told me I didn�t need to kick her out and that she would just stop talking about it if I really was not into it. I then grabbed her and screamed to get out and tried to get her out of my door. She then grabbed me and slammed me against the wall saying not to touch her. I then pushed her away and started dragging her out. She then grabbed me and we started wrestling and she wrestled me down to the ground and started saying �oh thought you were tough� repeatedly. I then swung at her and missed and then she started punching me while on top of me and then grabbed my throat and started choking me out. I couldn�t push her off of me and then she finally let go, told me I was a psychopath and deserved to be beaten up as much as I do and that she�s glad she could contribute to it and then left.

I also got my rear end beaten by a date a couple of days ago. If a girl gets you into the right chokehold especially with their legs cause girls always have strong legs for some reason you�re just as done as you would be if it was a guy. And girls just seem to go dirtier and you will lose if she really wants you to. Check my post history for the other story. This stuff is no joke.

My tinder date from a few nights back assaulted me and now she�s trying to blackmail me, what do I do here?

quote:

[removed]

Should I try cocaine just once?

quote:

Hey guys,

The other day while picking up some weed I was robbed and beaten up. I was going through random people as it was 5:00AM. Today I went to see my normal dealer to pick up 4 grams. I told him the story and he threw in as he calls it �a little special something� and tells me that it�s coke. So I have the choice tonight of either just smoking my weed or doing some coke as well. Would I be okay trying it just once or should I not? I�ve only ever done weed, oxy, Xanax, molly, lean, LSD, aderral, DMT and shrooms. Will I be screwing my life up more than it already is by doing this or is one time okay?

I want my kid back.

quote:

What do I do? His mother is now my ex and she is serving a very long jail sentence and I miss him. He lives with my parents because I have been going through a lot. I can�t stop starting fights with people and my parents thought it�d be best for him to be with them. I�m a 19 year old guy and I live alone in a 2 bedroom apartment. His room is still all set up with diapers and his crib and everything he needs. I just walk in there and sit on the floor sometimes and wish he was with me. He�s not even two months old yet. I miss him so much.

I am lost now. Reddit once loved me and now they hate me.

quote:

I don�t know what to do at this point. I still love my ex even though she did everything to me. I want to go see her in jail. I don�t have my son and I miss him. My rear end has been beaten so many times in the past month it�s not funny. I�m in pain. I�m turning to alcohol and drugs everyday to ease the pain mentally and physically. I am depressed. I am sad. How do I save myself. I have 200+ followers on here but I�m sure 90 percent are just on here to watch my continuing downfall.

My friend sent me to dealers that robbed me and beat me up basically leaving me for dead and when I confronted her about it and tried to go back through her she beat me up and robbed me as well.

quote:

Wow. I just experienced the ultimate betrayal.

So I have known this girl for years. A few months ago my ex and I broke up and I found out this friend liked me. I�m (19m). I gave her a shot but I just wasn�t over my ex. This girl is beautiful but I am still not. It�s been over 200 days and I still think about her every single minute of every day.

So the other day I posted on here about being jumped and robbed. You may or may not remember. You can check out my recent posts. Anyways I was picking up and two guys that she sent me robbed me.

Now I confronted her about it today because she came over to my house to smoke. I told her briefly over text about it. Today I told her the full story and asked why she would send me those people. She denied knowing anything. After talking about it for a few hours I learned that they pay her for each person that she can lure into them. I guess she was still angry that I wouldn�t date her so she lured me into them.

So I was instantly angry when I found out and I grabbed her and kicked her in the leg and slammed her into the wall and screamed in her face. She immediately kicked me in the balls and then knees me in the face. I fall on the ground and she starts kicking my stomach my face my balls my legs. Everywhere I can�t get up. She then gets on top of me and chokes me. She said some poo poo about how a guy isn�t supposed to hit a lady and then I passed out. I woke up and of course my wallet was laying next to me completely emptied out. Had $673 in there. So yeah guys. In this world don�t trust anyone even if you�ve known them for years.

I�m going to go to the doctors tonight because I�ve been having some pain in different parts of my body that hasn�t went away from all these fights and today�s made them even worse. I might have some broken bones and I honestly just wanna check my body and make sure I�m okay.

Am I into choking?

quote:

So recently I have been choked out of anger and them trying to make me pass out by two girls. Now both times it really turned me on when they were choking me even though they weren�t doing it sexually. The first girl I was fighting with her and she put me in a rear naked choke and I immediately got a boner. Then she switched to choking me with her hands and then with her thighs and the whole time I was rock hard. Today another fight happened with someone else and she choked me with her hands and I was again rock hard. I�ve never thought about this or thought I had this fetish, any advice?

I got fired but I really want my job back.

quote:

Hey guys, I got fired a week or so back. But even if I have to move to a different store how long would it be until I�m re hirable in the system?

I took three tabs of LSD and I had the worst trip of my life.

quote:

Hey guys,

So I would say I used to be a pretty regular acid user. From 17-18 my girlfriend at the time and I would trip at least 1-2 times a week and this went on for a good year and a half. I never really had bad trips and I have taken up to five tabs at once. Now I have not tripped in about 11 months (I�m about to turn 20 soon) so I just got some and wanted to start slow again.

I have bad having a pretty bad time all together with life lately. I�ve been getting into fist fights and losing badly. I have lost my job and my son is living with my parents. I lost my girlfriend, she left me for another man and then blackmailed me and stole from me and she did a lot more and she�s in jail actually right now. Now during my trip I was basically having flashbacks of all the bad things that have happened and I felt like I was going insane. It ended up with me leaving my house and going into town and attacking a random guy that was walking down the street. I don�t even remember much from the trip but I remember walk-in up to him and swinging and then him hitting back repeatedly and then I woke up on the ground covered in blood and leaking from my nose and my mouth.

Now I just have this cold feeling from it all. I don�t feel right and the come down is over so I hope I don�t keep this feeling but something just feels off about me at this point. I keep having these vivid flashbacks to random fights I have been in and to happy times with my ex that are now sad to look back at. I don�t know what to do here.

I can not gain weight no matter how much I eat.

quote:

So I went to the doctors today and found out that I�m actually not 5�8/9 anymore but I�m 5�10 and I now weight 107 and I�m a 20 year old man. I was a little heavier before but now I just keep losing and losing. I keep trying to stuff my face all day every day but nothing happens. I�m also extremely weak for my age as well. Like my 10 year old cousin beat me in arm wrestling the other day and he is tiny. I look sick or anorexic but I�m not. A few years ago we made sure to check for any health problems but the doctor said I just have an extremely fast metabolism. I don�t know what to do at this point. Even working out won�t help I don�t think because I can�t gain anything even when piling junk into my body and I don�t even do anything physical that would be causing me to burn calories I literally lay around all day.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:40

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

No way that's a real person

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:46

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

chitoryu12 posted:

It's still there but trying to access the link through mobile seems to have issues. Just in case I'll repost his new stories in chronological order here so they'll be preserved:

I got robbed and beat up this morning while picking up.

How to avoid being beaten up with no BJJ training?

A girl can take a guy down fairly easily if she gets the right hold on you.

My tinder date from a few nights back assaulted me and now she’s trying to blackmail me, what do I do here?

Should I try cocaine just once?

I want my kid back.

I am lost now. Reddit once loved me and now they hate me.

My friend sent me to dealers that robbed me and beat me up basically leaving me for dead and when I confronted her about it and tried to go back through her she beat me up and robbed me as well.

Am I into choking?

I got fired but I really want my job back.

I took three tabs of LSD and I had the worst trip of my life.

I can not gain weight no matter how much I eat.

I feel like this is more sad than funny. This guy is just a junkie on a downward spiral.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:46

Blade Runner: Aug 14, 2015

therobit posted:

I feel like this is more sad than funny. This guy is just a junkie on a downward spiral.

No, no

It's very funny

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:47

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

Blade Runner posted:

Hot take: while it's not really his business who she slept with in a vacuum and this most definitely isn't coming from a good place, it's fair for him to bring up her sleeping with a man both of them vocally espoused distaste for prior and discuss how that makes him uncomfortable

Like it's not an incel thing to say "why'd you sleep with a guy you knew was an rear end in a top hat" it's a pretty valid question

God drat, people are getting laid in a vacuum, finding £10,000 in a vacuum, and I'm a poor virgin with a Swiffer

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:49

Rubellavator: Aug 16, 2007

Pinecone Sample posted:

God drat, people are getting laid in a vacuum, finding £10,000 in a vacuum, and I'm a poor virgin with a Swiffer

I think I also remember a story where a guy got laid by a vacuum.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:51

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

Rubellavator posted:

I think I also remember a story where a guy got laid by a vacuum.

Nah, he just got his dick sucked.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:53

Barudak: May 7, 2007

If he were 10 pounds lighter Charles Atlas would have sound advice for him, but sadly nothing can be done

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:53

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Rubellavator posted:

No way that's a real person

It's a hell of a dedication to trolling if it is. It's been going on for 7 months in various subreddits.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:54

i vomit kittens: Apr 25, 2019

you'd think with all those drugs he's tried he would have thought of steroids by now

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:54

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

i vomit kittens posted:

you'd think with all those drugs he's tried he would have thought of steroids by now

I'm surprised we don't have a story about him doing that coke and getting beat up again.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:54

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Has anyone brought up to him that maybe if he found a way to stop doing drugs he'd have a better chance at improving his life? I know it's not as easy as "stop doing drugs" because addiction is an illness, but it seems like he keeps falling farther and farther down in life and also doing drugs, but not seeing the connection.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:57

i vomit kittens: Apr 25, 2019

opening the world's first combination rehab/BJJ training gym

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:05

Pinecone Sample: Oct 12, 2010; THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420

AITA for mot wanting to be seen in public with my wife?

quote:

So my wife got a new haircut yesterday and it looks perfectly fine. I told her I liked it but then she pulled out blue hair dye and was going to color part of her hair. She saw my face and asked what's wrong. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea given that she has a very professional job and that shes about to turn 30 and in my opinion it's kinda weird. I honestly told her know my thoughts on it. I also said it's her body and she can do what she wants with it. She seemed happy with that but I also let her know it's my choice whether to go out in public with you and if your due your hair blue, I'm not going out with you. She seemed upset but I run into people I know all the time and the town I'm in is a very uppity town. I'm not one for attention when I go out and I dont want to be stared at all day or be the talk at my job. So AITA for not wanting to go out with my wife?

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:22

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Hellblazer187 posted:

Has anyone brought up to him that maybe if he found a way to stop doing drugs he'd have a better chance at improving his life? I know it's not as easy as "stop doing drugs" because addiction is an illness, but it seems like he keeps falling farther and farther down in life and also doing drugs, but not seeing the connection.

Basically every point that could be made to him has been made. Don't do drugs, stop trying to fight literally everyone you dumbass, etc.

He takes zero lessons. His retort to being told that he wouldn't be so beat up if he would stop attacking everyone who breathes near him was "No guys if I learn BJJ then I'll win the fights and won't be injured all the time."

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:23

Demon Of The Fall: May 1, 2004; Nap Ghost

blue highlights! the horror!

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:24

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Redditors have a weird thing where every woman with dyed hair must be a hysterical SJW and also 600 pounds

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:28

Frank Frank: Jun 13, 2001; Mirrored

quote:

So I was instantly angry when I found out and I grabbed her and kicked her in the leg and slammed her into the wall and screamed in her face. She immediately kicked me in the balls and then knees me in the face. I fall on the ground and she starts kicking my stomach my face my balls my legs. Everywhere I can�t get up. She then gets on top of me and chokes me. She said some poo poo about how a guy isn�t supposed to hit a lady and then I passed out. I woke up and of course my wallet was laying next to me completely emptied out. Had $673 in there. So yeah guys. In this world don�t trust anyone even if you�ve known them for years.

Ma'am, I don't think you understand. This guy hits everyone and everyone hits him. He does not discriminate when it comes to age, gender or creed. It's a little like "The Man who Sold the World" only replace "Sold" with "Got his rear end kicked by".

Frank Frank fucked around with this message at 16:45 on Jun 20, 2019

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:29

Tetramin: Apr 1, 2006; I'ma buck you up.

If he's actually getting knocked unconscious this often he's going to need to get a neurologist asap

Today I got beat up by a receptionist, a nurse, and a neurologist

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:36

Gone Fashing: Aug 4, 2004; KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

i like how that guy is concerned that coke might mess his life up and then lists off the laundry list of other drugs he's tried. its not any worse than a lot of them

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:43

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Xik posted:

You married an almost 70 year old in your 20s and he isn't filthy loving rich, seriously what the gently caress is wrong with you.

He may have money. I think what she's saying is that his Social Security income equals hers. Although if his Social Security income is equal to the income that a presumably unskilled and uneducated 20 year old makes then he probably wasn't a fantastic earner. Money gained through inheritance wouldn't affect that though.

quote:

My tinder date from a few nights back assaulted me and now she�s trying to blackmail me, what do I do here?

Ceddit.com saved this one.

quote:

I (19m) went out with this girl who was (19f) a few days ago the post is right up top. She was in my apartment and she attacked me for not letting her leave. She came over my house this morning because she left her shoes and socks. She immediately told me that if I touch her she will beat my rear end again and that she has pepper spray and said I better give her $50 or she will tell the police about what happened the other night. I was instantly angry and I tried to swing at her but she ran out too fast. She dropped one of her socks though so I guess I win. But how do I stop her from blackmailing me I don�t want to give this girl $50?

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:45

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

r/relationships: She dropped one of her socks though so I guess I win.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 12, 2024 07:32

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Lol that particular beating started with him getting his rear end kicked by a passerby who catcalled the girl and then getting beaten up by the girl at the end of their date.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 16:54

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

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