Antivehicular posted:

Can we talk about the butt enhancement surgery post instead? I'm impressed by the unmitigated gall of flying someone down to Mexico to play nurse for you for a week, then demanding they reimburse you for the "vacation."

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

"Wait around in the ER for someone to get an IV? No thanks. Call me if you get admitted."

mllaneza posted:

Or, he goes to his niece's birthday party for 5 minutes because they're here from out of town and gets the GF a slice of birthday cake to eat in the ER. Everybody wins.

quote:

Right now I'm depleted from my one-sided relationship with an aspie but even in a calm moment of clarity, why should anyone do this in a romantic or marital partnership? These relationships are supposed to be between equals and about reciprocity.

I believe that there are some aspies that could have a relationship that is give and take. It depends on how high their functioning is, where their deficits are and what compromises and accommodations the other partner can make. Post a here speak of clear communication, BUT these are the areas where people with Aspergers have trouble. If my husband and I could communicate, things might be at least bearable.

An example. Once, when very emotional after days of passive aggressive stonewalling from my partner, I shouted. "I would rather die than continue living like this. Please, talk to me. Just talk to me." My husband proceeded to start giving me a lecture on Winston Churchill. He was watching a documentary on Churchill at the time. When I responded "What the F ars you doing?" He replied "Talking to you. That is what you asked."

quote:

I’m(M16) on vacation and just FaceTimed my gf(16). She was at the mall and acting kind of weird. She said it was just hot in the food court. I hung up cause my family was in the car and started to text her. I asked who she was there with and she named a few of her friends and one guy friend. I’ve always been suspicious of this guy. Let’s call him Nate. The reason I’m suspicious is because he was never nice to me and I’ve always suspected that he had a crush on my gf. I changed high schools (where we met) and one day she said that she didn’t have lunch money but Nate hooked her up with some is she agreed to buy his lazy rear end candy. I guess he didn’t feel like getting up. Anyway a few weeks ago she wanted to hang out with her friends at her house. It was going to be her, one of her girl friends and Nate. I had a problem with this and she didn’t understand why. She’s told me she’s not attracted to him at all and that he’s just a friend. But when I bring up a hypothetical situation when I hung out with one of my bros and another girl she doesn’t approve. I told her how big of a hypocrite she was. I have a feeling she likes him. A few days ago she admitted to liking another dude for a day. She told me cause she felt guilty. I so loving confused. Any ideas of what going on?

TL;DR. My girlfriend is at the mall with another guy and some friends. She didn’t tell me until I asked.

LadyPictureShow posted:

I have no idea what 'lazy rear end candy' is, or what it has to do with the story.

Pick posted:

LadyPictureShow posted:

My girlfriend is at the mall with another dude!


Teens.

I have no idea what 'lazy rear end candy' is, or what it has to do with the story.

quote:

NSFL? If you're eating something then I'd suggest not reading this.

You ever seen those stories on the reddit museum of filth? Like, the crusty cum shoebox or the Rainbow Dash figure that was boiled in a jar of cum, and realised 'Why is there no female version of this?'. Well, sit down because I'm about to tell you the story of how I inadvertently hosed myself... with a stick full of maggots.


So, I have this pool diving stick that I use to gently caress myself. I live with my parents so I can't really get an actual toy. Now, this pool toy has two holes on the 'shaft' to allow water to fill in and out of it so it can sink to the bottom of the pool. This also allows it to fill with my girl juices when I use it. The problem? The fluid gets stuck in there since it's relatively more viscous than water. So I've had this thing for about 6 months. I try my best to clean it out by running it under the tap and rinsing it out every couple of weeks but I can never really get the solidly dry stuff. This, combined with the fact that I always just sort of shoved it down the side of my bed, or stuffed it in my bedside cabinet once I was done with it made for a pretty nasty smell. It wasn't usually that obvious unless you got close, but earlier today, once I had finished loving myself, I put it in my drawer and sat up in my bed. I noticed that not only did it smelled significantly worse than usual, maybe due to the summer heat, but also 'down there' also felt like it was on fire. Not enough to be painful, but enough for me to notice it.


Here's where the interesting part starts. I decide. 'Hey, It's currently 4AM, everyone is asleep, I can go and cut this thing open.' Sort of like a hosed up episode of 'What's Inside'. So I reach into my drawer, grab my phone and make my way downstairs into the kitchen where I clear out the sink and put this thing down in it. I use a pocket knife to start cutting it open, starting from one of the holes on the side. I'm scared to open it, but I understand that I must, and I put down the pocket knife and gently tease apart the two sides of the incision I made.


I. Am. HORRIFIED. Dozens of little maggots squirming around inside. I started gagging, until the realisation set in. 'I just stuck this thing inside of me. I may have maggots crawling around inside of my vagina right now.' The fact that they were maggots... doesn't that mean they had been there for a while? How long does it take fly eggs to hatch? In my state of panic, I snapped a quick photo (already knew that I was going to post that thing on 4chan), and rinsed out the entire thing with water, before cutting it into another 3 pieces and thoroughly rinsing them out with bleach and double wrapping them in a plastic bag and throwing it in the bin. I return to my room, disgusted, and make a 4chan post. I didn't know what to do after that, except wait for my family to wake up so I could have a shower without worrying about disturbing them. I have my shower and take a nap. That's the end.

TL;DR - My home-made sex toy got infected with maggots without me realising, ended up loving myself with it before I found out.

Edit: Funny, I actually remember reading about the Coconut story a couple of months ago.

Edit 2: Deleted the link to the picture, the link is in my bio.

Switchback posted:

Like I know this thread hates men and families.

DrBouvenstein posted:

Don't know if this belongs more in the "generic" Reddit thread, but...

TIFU by loving myself with a stick full of maggots.


Seriously, you DON'T want to click the spoilers. But you will, and you'll regret it.

And yes, she posted pics, and it looked legit.

DrBouvenstein posted:

Don't know if this belongs more in the "generic" Reddit thread, but...

TIFU by loving myself with a stick full of maggots.


Seriously, you DON'T want to click the spoilers. But you will, and you'll regret it.

And yes, she posted pics, and it looked legit.

quote:

If you aren't familiar with the "Major Tom", it's because it's a thing I (hopefully) came up with. It's a form of "auto-erotic asphyxiation" by using gravity.

Basically, you jack off normally; but before you nut, you squat down as low as you can to the ground and breathe short shallow breaths while still whacking it. This part is called "Getting in the shuttle."

As you nut, you jump up from that squatting position as fast as you possibly loving can and hold your breath. This is considered "Take off."

If performed correctly, you should become VERY lightheaded and experience pure bliss due to the orgasm from your cock rocket. This is called "Being in space" due to the fact you feel like you're floating.

This is a technique that should be performed only by professionals, in a controlled environment. I, however, am not a professional despite creating the technique. You see, by hyperventilating and jumping up, you are literally cutting your brain off from oxygen. No oxygen = no consciousness.

When I "Took off" I loving jumped up at Mach 50 and must've ripped a loving hole in the goddamn space-time continuum. Because the next thing I know I was laying on the ground with my dick out, covered in space juices from my trip around the sun.

Before I could even pick myself up off the ground, my mom rushed into my room to see if I was okay. She heard my re-entry. This part is called "Disappointing your mother."

You can just imagine the scene she walked into.

She stared at me with a mix of disgust, anger, and again, disappointment. I stared back with what I thought was confidence like I was Buzz Aldrin and just got back from the moon. But thinking back on it, it was probably embarrassment while I was desperately trying to put my space plane back in the hangar while getting on my feet as quickly as possible, and due to the fact, she's never caught me before. (At least not to my knowledge.)

She ended up closing the door and stomping her way back to the living room, presumably to watch more Judge Judy, and to take her mind off of what she just loving witnessed; or consider disowning me. I cleaned myself up, taking off my spacesuit and putting civilian clothing on. Somehow none of the rocket fuel managed to get in the carpet, just my clothes, and I managed to not even injure myself in the crash.

I'm currently writing this in my room right now, and I don't plan on leaving it anytime soon until I can think of what to say to her. If there is anything to say at all.

TL;DR: Tried a new masturbatory technique, ended up falling over, mom caught me with my pants down, and now I'm stuck in my room. Planet earth is blue and there's nothing I can do.

EDIT: Only do this if you have a safe place to land if you fall. It is EXTREMELY easy to kill yourself doing this. Leave it to the dumbfucks like me to do this so you don't have to.

DrBouvenstein posted:

Don't know if this belongs more in the "generic" Reddit thread, but...

TIFU by loving myself with a stick full of maggots.


Seriously, you DON'T want to click the spoilers. But you will, and you'll regret it.

And yes, she posted pics, and it looked legit.

Pick posted:

quote:

I'm on mobile so I apologize if the formatting is a little off.

A little background, I am a senior in college and have my own apartment with a roommate. My brother is a senior in high school and still lives with my parents. We brother grew up in a Lutheran church so nearly all my beliefs/opinions are conservative.

I've been close with my brother for my whole life. I love him more than anyone. Since he was little he has been following in my footsteps, playing the same sports I play, dressing like I do, styling his hair like mine, he even wants to go to the same college. And like me, for all of high school my brother has been the good looking popular kid, bringing a new woman to meet me and my mom and dad every couple months.

I am visiting my parents house for a while for Independence Day, and 2 days ago he brought home a different person from the last time I saw him. It was a guy. It took me by surprise as he had been dabbling with ladies for his whole life. He told my parents and I he was gay, not even bicurious, and I took off to my old room. To put it simply my parents talked to my brother and the new guy and told me they like him and they're supporting my brother. I was furious and confused at the same time. Since birth I was told being told being gay was a sin and now they are ok with my brother being gay? I still believe it is just plain wrong. I know that's homophobic but that's was I was raised to think. I honestly think it's just a phase and he's trying guys out for a while.

WIBTA if I stopped talking to my brother if he fully believes he's gay? I've been avoiding him as much as possible for the past couple days. I will talk to him about it before I leave though. Most of my friends think I would be an rear end in a top hat but some understand where I'm coming from. I still love him but I can't stand to see him with a boy.

Edit: So I've had over 40 YTA comments in under half an hour, without any NTA, I think that's a lot, so I guess that proves it. But I do want to thank you guys for knocking some sense into me, I do love him more than anything and nothing should change that. I appreciate all of you and I'm sorry for probably ruining your mood.

i vomit kittens posted:

WIBTA if I stop talking to my gay brother?

Leon Einstein posted:

Whatever happened to just using your hands or produce?

quote:

So here's the story, for the last two weeks I have picked up this hobby to help all you out with your relationship problems and honestly it has made me a better man, plus it helps me cope with my PTSD from the war...

But I do spend a lot of time on here, especially with the peeps on here that desperately need it (y'all know who you are... 🙂).

I know it takes a lot of time but there really isn't much I can do with her when I get off work cause we have two beautiful children (9 yr girl and 8 month boy) and my daughter is a little night owl and my son needs constant attention cause he had RSV soon after he was born and needs his O2 watched (lungs are compromised now), that plus he's BF (he's a hungry little guy), so he took my spot in our bed. But I am fine with it cause he means the world to me.

I was trying to get my wife to join here to help y'all too but all she did was come on to complain about me being on here... Although we can't really spend any quality time with each other anyways. It sucks because I want to give her all the things I've learned from all of you but there is no free time...

Advice please? Come on relationship lovers, Gimme something... I really do love helping you guys but I need to give my wife something, somehow.

1,2,3... Go!

UPDATE:

So... I did the cuddle thing and watched a movie last night with her... She turned on a war movie without even thinking and I had an anxiety attack midway through... 😔 fml

It was going well for a while so I appreciate the advice. What I will do is just limit my time here when I am at home.

Thank you all for your time and posting.

THOUGHT ADDED:

You guys... I place myself under constant scrutiny because I know over half of my marital issues are because of me and my issues.

I've been living with PTSD for 11 years now and have been married for 9 years. My wife got with me before I left for my first deployment.

I know I can be stubborn on some thought processes and many will disagree with them, even here. (I noticed it when my replies were getting down voted cause they sound like excuses.) This is a very complex issue because I do have avoidant behavior and I am married and we have children. So I avoid certain things if their is the slightest possibly my symptoms may arise, so I don't stress out my wife.

For all of you who are married to combat veterans or are combat veterans... You know that you have been through this and it really really sucks. Many of you have gotten divorced over it. Many have committed suicide because of it. And very few of you have made it through and live slightly normal lives, free of distractions and avoidant behavior.

When I was watching the movie last night with the wife, I felt normal and I believe she enjoyed it. But when my heart started to race I knew what was coming... When I'm triggered, my nerves lock up and it feels like knives are being twisted into me all over my body. So I try to keep fighting the the memory way and there's my wife oblivious to what's going on and I don't want to tell her because it will scare her and I am tired of having her have to deal with my issues.

With Reddit... I can at least give back something, by helping all of you. I know what to do in relationship situations and issues of the heart. I know I can be a class A advice giver when I want to be but when it comes to my own relationship, PTSD gets in the way and I have tried for years to ignore it and push it out of my life.

You need to understand that soldiers are "built" to serve. They NEED to serve. Without the ability to serve, they will cease to exist (that usually means dispose of themselves). That is why they feel fine for the first few months of being home. After a few months, they go and start drinking cause they don't have a routine. Then they start in on finding the next adrenaline rush and so on and so forth. If we don't have a purpose 24/7, we don't have a future and there is no turning it off, ever... Then once the memories start setting in... Yeah...

I serve my wife and try to make sure she has everything she needs by working my hardest everyday and she will not validate it as being relationship worthy... I have to take what the Army did to me and spin the thought process around for it to somewhat work in my life. My wife can't and won't be able to ever see it because she will not understand unless she goes through the same thing I have.

I can give everyone one of you excellent relationship advice to where you can live happy lives with your SO but when it comes to my own, between my issues, having to take care of the kiddos, and pleasing my wife, I just need very simple ideas I can do "on the fly."

TLDR: Need simple on the fly activities I can do with my wife when I get home from work and won't trigger me...

welcome to hell posted:

Wife's getting pissed I'm helping y'all redditors...

welcome to hell posted:

Wife's getting pissed I'm helping y'all redditors...

CountryMatters posted:

Can we just stop posting things from TIFU, it's literally all just masturbation fantasies written one handed by creeps. It's not even relationship related really
If you want to read reddits amateur porn fiction maybe it could have its own thread

DemoneeHo posted:

Amazing date, then he showed me his Swastika tattoos.

quote:

Apologies for the length!

I used to write short stories in high school and post them up online. It was fun, I earned new online friends and I did well in English. I did all types of writing: flash fiction, prose, poetry, novellas and even started working on a larger novel that was an estimated 65,000> words.

I kept it to myself and retrospectively, I should have continued keeping it a personal hobby because my older sister ruined it for me.

She started writing too and it was fun in the beginning to have someone to share it with. But, she started to "upstage" me. She would aim to write more chapters than I did, constantly brag about her readership stats and encourage the rest of my family to laugh at my stories. If I wrote romance, she would tell me I was sexually repressed. If I wrote horror or suspense, I was messed up and needed a stern talking-to. If I wrote fluff/feel-good fics, I was boring and had no imagination. If I wrote historical/sci-fi, I was being factually-incorrect or too weird.

She made me feel like whatever I did, she would always do better. She's always in competition with me, pretending to be my friend and then tearing me down. She has done this for my whole life and no one cares.

Now, she's jealous of me. She constantly asks me "how much money do you have in your bank account, how can you afford this, why are you buying that, how much money did you get for your birthday/xmas/whatever".

I recently bought a drawing pad with money I got for my 21st to help with graphic design and drawing for uni. The next time I visit her, she makes a show of taking me to pick up an online order in-store for her more expensive, brandname drawing pad. She complains that she has no money, but goes out of her way to buy all these expensive things to show off?

She has done this with video games, anime/manga, books, tv series, arts and crafts, music and pretty much anything else under the sun. It's not a general 'like' for the hobby either - she goes completely fangirl-bonkers over something I like and acts like it's her new, fandangle thing she has fallen in love with and she loves so much better than I do.

She really kills my vibe with it and puts me off doing it completely. I've been living with depression since I was 14 and it's hard to find a hobby that I want to stick with. It's worse when she comes in and tries to be better than me because I don't want to compete with her (or anyone else). I've spent most of my life comparing myself to everyone else because I think I'm not good enough and it's lovely that when I try to change myself, there she is.

She is an okay sister. She's an hour away when I live with my mother and three hours away when I'm at uni, so it's not an everyday thing. Sometimes I think that I complain about her too much, but she pulls poo poo like this and then I'm back to feeling like I did when I was 14, silently hating her for stirring poo poo. I mean, come on! She's five years older than me, married and moved out of home. Why the obsession?

Plenty of people have told me I'm overreacting. I've heard it all: "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery", "sisters are meant to share hobbies", "you're being selfish, she's not hurting anyone", "I'm sure you copy her too", "don't be cold, she's just trying to show you that she loves you". I'm over it. I don't need her hijacking every ounce of happiness in my life to prove she's better.

I'm trying to reconnect with my old hobbies and all these bitter-sweet memories come flooding back and put me in a pit again. I want to have her in my life but she makes my life devoid of joy and passion. It would be easier to shut her out if she was a friend or classmate, but she's my sister.

For now, I'm just trying to focus on myself. I'm starting back up with writing and drawing, and even thinking of starting a WordPress blog. It's going to take a lot to reignite my old passions and hold the depression at bay, but I can only try. I just hope my sister doesn't try to hijack everything again.

How do I deal with this?

Tl;dr when I get a new hobby, sister comes in and ruins it by belittling my talent and acting like she's better. Nobody else cares and just thinks I'm mean. Now I hate having hobbies and I'm miserable.

chitoryu12 posted:

My (21F) older sister (26f) destroys my hobbies by upstaging me. (Very long)

quote:

Edit: first post got removed for adding a link, sorry. Wasn’t aware those aren’t allowed. Let’s try this again

As the title states, my coworker (late 50s F) gave me (28F) a super ugly necklace for my birthday. My birthday was Friday and I tried to hide that fact at work for this exact reason. Unfortunately someone brought me in flowers (which was very sweet) and this coworkers caught on and today she gifted me a beaded necklace with a wooden butterfly on it. It looks like it should be worn by a 12 year old. Not someone who is almost 30. Obviously I thanked her and switched out the necklace I was wearing for the butterfly one and told her I loved it to be polite. Side note, it also had long dark hair strands on it when I pulled it out of the box (coworker is a blonde). Not sure what to make of that...

I understand some of you may think I’m being an rear end, but this particular coworker I find to be one of the hardest people I’ve ever had to work with. She is nosy, loud, doesn’t respect other people’s boundaries and overall an unpleasant person to be around. I try to avoid her as much as possible as a general rule as I like to come to work, plug in and just work. If she hears anyone talking about anything she will interject with her own advice or questions. She also likes to shake the back of my chair (and other coworkers) when I have headphones on and don’t hear her call my name. Usually it’s for some insignificant reason like “Is it raining out?”

My question, how long do I have to wear this necklace to keep the polite charade going? Just keep it at work and pull it out every once in a while? Despite my personal feelings about her, she did go out of her way to get me a gift so I don’t want to be rude about it.

TL;DR received an ugly necklace as a gift from a coworker I dislike. How many times should I wear it to be polite?

chitoryu12 posted:

My (21F) older sister (26f) destroys my hobbies by upstaging me. (Very long)

quote:

This will be a long post I think, sorry if I ramble, im equal parts seeking advice and venting.

My father in law is crazy, manipulative and often violent. I've been dating my girlfriend [20F], his daughter, for four years now and i never actually had any trouble with him. I aways knew he had a past involving cheating and violence (he once threw a glass cup on my sister in law (28F) and pulled a gun on another occasion(he is a cop)) and aways noticed he was a pathological liar and control freak (the entire family never disagrees with what he says in fear of an outburst).

Despite all that, the past few years have been quiet, there were no major fights or episodes of violence. We suspected cheating and lying here or there but his wife doesnt give a poo poo, so we stopped caring as well.

Untill he started involving his daughters in some insane fake instagram profile he secretly has. We knew about this fake profile for a while now, we knew he posted pictures of pretty girls, his new fancy car (wich he got with a loan) and pretended to be some bodybuilder pretty boy. But now he crossed the loving line. He started photoshopping my sister in law into pictures with this guy (his fake persona) and forcing my girlfriend to record videos complimenting this guy, saying she loves his abs and poo poo. This is getting gross and over the line and I dont know what to do. We cant find this loving profile (we only catch glimpses on his phone) and my gf still lives with him, so we fear the repercussions of facing him.

One more detail, my sis in law recently revealed her mother used to be jealous of her when she was very little and that she hated her father since forever. She is starting to suspect abuse.. Im just, gently caress this..

Finding this profile as evidence would be a great start, but I cant do it to save my life.

TLDR: My father in law with a history of lying, cheating and violence now has a fake instagram where he pretends to be some guy who dates his daughter, going as far as to make my gf record videos talking to this "guy".

chitoryu12 posted:

My (21F) older sister (26f) destroys my hobbies by upstaging me. (Very long)

welcome to hell posted:

Wife's getting pissed I'm helping y'all redditors...

chitoryu12 posted:

My (21F) older sister (26f) destroys my hobbies by upstaging me. (Very long)

quote:

"you're being selfish, she's not hurting anyone"

chitoryu12 posted:

My (20M) father in law (50M) is a sociopath and has a fake instagram where he pretends to date his daughter (24F)

quote:

I recently reconnected with an ex, who was my first ever boyfriend, first love etc, so there's a lot of history and feelings between us which is why I'm agonising over this.

Luke and I broke up years ago due to us both moving away for university, but we both have since finished uni and are back in our hometowns: as soon as he heard I was back, he wanted to see me and reconnect.

Things have been wonderful for the past few months, we both love each other very much, until now. When we first started dating he said he did temporary work but mostly earned money through building custom bikes and selling them, which is true for the most part.

But it turns out he deals. He deals weed and cocaine, and has been very honest about his situation and he's aware of how dangerous things can be.

He LIKES being a drug dealer. He says after years of working and feeling like poo poo, he finally has a way of earning money that he enjoys.

So I don't see him stopping anytime soon. After talking about this, I told him I will have to have a think about us.

I'm so upset. I have loved him for so long and have been so excited to start a life with him, but it's not a life that I want, and I don't know if I'll get that life being with him. He has told me the drug dealing is temporary, but honestly, he earns so much money that he could stop now and be financially secure. I feel like he's doing this for more than financial gain.

I am considering giving him an ultimatum - me, or the drug dealing. But I'm afraid that he will choose the drug dealing.

Tldr: my boyfriend is a drug dealer and I don't know whether I should give him a chance or just walk away and cut contact.