Leon Einstein posted:

It is now apparently weird to hit on people in real life instead of online. I remember there used to be a stigma about online dating.

The Bramble posted:

I (30f) can't seem to make people interested in me romantically and get dropped because I won't put out


I'm 30, won't have sex, and am described by peers as abrasive and rude. Why won't anyone date me??

quote:

My original post

I created a catfish kik to hit my boyfriend up a month ago, pretended to be a handsome white guy he'd like who lived in his resident country of Australia, and sent him a message. I told him I found his kik from an old internet post he made advertising his kik, he was friendly and said "Hey, asl?" (age, sex, location). We got along nicely, I threw in some Aussie slang, and before you know it he emphasizes that he's single. We've been together for 16 months. He says "I fancy the guy in the picture" and also says he'd love to see the pubes of this guy cause he loves a hairy bush, and when I asked if he wanted to see "my" dick, he topped it off with "Well for a virgin guy like me any dick would be amazing but yes I'd love to". Not to mention he gave a three-star demotion to his age as he did with me when we started talking.

That hollowed me out, I did cry a bit. I decided I'd confront him on July 25, on the anniversary of Air France Flight 4590, the flight that tanked the Concorde. Several days before I wanted to tie up the loose end of whether or not he's a virgin. He's a 23 year old man who was in love with his abusive ex, who by the way is an asian chasing horny chimpanzee from Wales, he can't resist asians like my boyfriend, like his as well. So they shared a hotel room in 2015, which he lied to me about and we resolved (and when we resolved it I asked about his virginity and he dodged so badly it seemed like a joke, one he never clarified was one), and even though they 'weren't together', come on, he's totally not a virgin. I am because no one in my area wants me and I'm not desperate yet, and for 16 months he insisted he was a virgin as well. That was so special for us, that we would meet and mutually lose our virginities to each other, our relationship developed on that hallowed ground. His ex literally hit him many times, he tied him up and tickle tortured him, and callously hosed a boytoy from every country he visited on his little tour of Asia while they dated. He cheated on my boyfriend (before we met) so many times. And it turns out my boyfriend became another one in the collection of a defiler of the innocent. They did almost everything sexually imaginable, and they bareback hosed each other and came inside each other. The loving STDs that he could have gotten. Somehow learning this and hearing every detail of their hotel room escapades hurt so much more than the cheating, it felt so sharply cutting in its pain. I have never cried as much as I did. And the fact that he did it with a guy who treated him so much worse than I ever could just made me feel awful.

Now whenever I see his nudes I see them loving. When I see his dick I see it crusted in his ex's dry saliva. I can almost smell it from being in his rear end. When I see my boyfriend's butt I see it worn from being used by his ex. And the 16 months of lying loving kills me. I know I sound like a total incel virginity puritan, but I could have grown around it and gotten through it so much easier if he let me know sooner, so much earlier. We sexted as regular a few days after and I couldn't get an erection at all. Looking at his photos made me so incredibly sad. I was able to cum but I was flaccid and audibly crying in the video.

I changed every password last night.

So today, I drove out to the place I used to call him at after school, and I confronted him about the kik thing. He said he knew it was me and insinuates he knew the whole time because he googled the kik name that contained the word Mandragola, traced it to Machiavelli, saw he was a philosopher, and since my major is philosophy he concluded it was me. I didn't buy that he knew it was me the whole time but he insisted. I cried for so long and eventually sobbed out a farewell. I told him he deserves someone who truly treats him with respect, who can be more accomodating with his demanding neediness with the time, and that I don't deserve him. He panicked and sobbed as well and was having an anxiety attack. I knew I'd get back with him if I continued contact so I blocked him on everything except mobile texting because idk how. He's sent me 40 texts since this afternoon begging me to come back.

YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING AND MY LIFE PLEASE I BEG I BEG I BEG. I AM YOU PANDA BABY PLEASE DONT GIVE ME TO ANYONE ELSE BUT YOU. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE I CAN EVER LOVE. I WILL FOREVER BE ALONE WITHOUT YOU I SWEAR. I WILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE BECAUSE THEYRE NOT YOU

I WISH YOU WOULD COME BACK EVEN JUST TO TALK I JUST NEED TO HEAR FROM YOU MY BEAUTIFUL BABY I KNOW YOU HAVE BLOCKED ME ON MESSENGER KIK AND YOUR EMAIL BABY I HOPE HERE YOU WOULD ATLEASR GIVE ME THE LOVE THAT YOU USED TO GIVE ME

I'm not coming back. But I do worry I've made a mistake. He was the most beautiful, glowing, magnetically attractive person in looks and in his cute personality I have ever known. We agreed on so many unpopular opinions, and despite his terrible, almost purely emotion-based way of reasoning, he was an extremely caring person, didn't just accept my physical flaws but loved every one, and made me feel loved. No more good morning texts, no more good night I love you's, and no more of what I have centered my life around for 16 months. I don't know if any of you watch many real estate shows but I feel like the universe showed me, through him, exactly what it costs to have my perfect boyfriend. I know I will never in my life find someone like him again. For all of his massive flaws he was so many things I found beautiful and I rediscovered my love for him in new ways almost weekly. I will never find someone like him again. And I hope I'm not alone in my adulthood, wishing I wasn't so picky.

tl:dr my boyfriend who demands all my time lied about his virginity the entire time and in essence cheated. I broke up with him today, I'm crying as I type this, and can only hope I haven't lost my best chance at love.

VanSandman posted:

Can't she just date another asexual person?

Leon Einstein posted:

I don't think many women would want to date a man that has a hard line at making out with no possibility of it going further. The way this woman keeps talking about being "penetrated" makes me think she has some issues to work out.

luxury handset posted:

it's fair to not like penetrative sex but that's going to rule out like 95% of male partners

feedmegin posted:

Uh is it? Because that means 'and' in Greek.

Leon Einstein posted:

Throw the aversion to oral and an abrasive attitude in and you've got slim pickings.

chitoryu12 posted:

My (21F) older sister (26f) destroys my hobbies by upstaging me. (Very long)

chitoryu12 posted:

[update] My [20M] unwavering attachment to my boyfriend [23M] and ALL of his many problems have forced us into an alternate reality created for him to feel better and I hate my life now.

DandyLion posted:

For real though?

Like, if she's attractive (and even if she isn't), there is practically an endless line of dudes willing to pay her to stomp on their balls (no sex included, just the stomping). I think the main problem here is she just posted this in the wrong space.

Leon Einstein posted:

I think you're overestimating the number of guys that would be cool with a strictly ball stomping sexual relationship. Your desires aren't the norm.

Collapsing Farts posted:

it is actually weird to flirt with people in a working environment, to me

chitoryu12 posted:

[update] My [20M] unwavering attachment to my boyfriend [23M] and ALL of his many problems have forced us into an alternate reality created for him to feel better and I hate my life now.

DandyLion posted:

I'm more of an old fashioned kick in the balls kind of guy, but I get your meaning.

I still think there is a deceptively large population of matches for this woman.

quote:

So I live in an independent house where my mother comes to visit me each month. My parents had a divorce but I still communicate with both parents.

I was recently introduced to a girl who is friends with my steps from father's side. Now I am not sure exactly what these people have told this girl but she wants me to remove my mother from my life if I want a relationship with her. Now my view is that whatever happened between my father and mother is between them. Why should I have to stop seeing my mother?

She says having my mother around will be bad for our relationship as she won't be able to talk about my father or bring the steps to our house. And she also thinks my mother might taunt her for being friends with my steps.

Tl;dr Girl thinks my mother will be toxic to our relationship and wants me to remove her but I love my mom to death. I need some advice on how to handle this.

quote:

Yes I believe my steps are trying to make a move on my house by setting me up with her since my house is bigger

quote:

(bunch of hosed up stories)

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

This guy kicks rear end and I hope he finds a good landing spot after he's inevitably fired for standing up for himself

luxury handset posted:

depending on where you volunteer you spend a fair amount of your time chatting with other volunteers. it's such a good way to meet people that if you move to a new city and need to build a social network from scratch, volunteering should be one of your first activities

chitoryu12 posted:

Husband (M29) wanting to explore his feelings for men, but not actually saying until I (F27) see a receipt for PrEP

carry on then posted:

Give it away now. "Sorry kids, you'll just have to live in your concentration camps a little longer, I might not actually want to donate this to you"

Tetramin posted:

This, put your fuckin money where your mouth is, rear end in a top hat.

The Bramble posted:

The animal shelter guy seems fine based on the info presented. When major millennial cultural touchstones are shows like The Office, Parks & Rec, and BK99, I think it's a minority opinion, even among women, that romance in the workplace is absolutely forbidden. It's unwanted or persistent or power-imbalanced advances that are the problem, not advances in general. Obviously that so many men can't figure out how to take a polite 'no' without creating a full-blown crisis out of it is always going to be problematic, but the internet kind of self-selects for those types to post their stupid rejection stories and ask for sympathy.

Leon Einstein posted:

Why not leave the computers on but locked? Computers do updates at night usually and turning them off is not smart.

RVWinkle posted:

Yeah most people leave computers on all the time these days. There's a continuous power draw even when turned off so you don't realize any kind of savings by turning them off.

On a more relevant note. Amazon has this thing at their warehouses where you clock out before waiting in line for 30 minutes for a security inspection. This is to make sure you're not stealing. You aren't allowed to leave and you aren't compensated for this time. Employees sued but the courts ruled in Amazon's favor.

RVWinkle posted:

You aren't allowed to leave and you aren't compensated for this time. Employees sued but the courts ruled in Amazon's favor.

luxury handset posted:

30.1% of my income goes to charity

Pinecone Sample posted:

Why have we universally decided that I have to surrender my privacy to some opaque billion dollar tech firm because socializing irl is creepy?

HIJK posted:

If you don’t meet through a dating app then you’re Not Really Dating and also you’re probably a stalker rapist or something, relationships are only official when you are granted permission to have one by Facebook or something

Captain Yossarian posted:

You absolutely save power turning them off

Pinecone Sample posted:

You can never be too careful out there, I asked a woman in a bar if she comes here often and she told me that by engaging her in conversation I am consenting to binding arbitration in the US District Court for the Northern California

goethe.cx posted:

Pinecone Sample posted:

You can never be too careful out there, I asked a woman in a bar if she comes here often and she told me that by engaging her in conversation I am consenting to binding arbitration in the US District Court for the Northern California

FilthyImp posted:

I think the poster is equating Sleep/Hibernate with them being off. But it sounds like they're old enough machines that Hibernate or Sleep would just mean time waiting for the system to be responsive.

RVWinkle posted:

Yeah most people leave computers on all the time these days. There's a continuous power draw even when turned off so you don't realize any kind of savings by turning them off.

On a more relevant note. Amazon has this thing at their warehouses where you clock out before waiting in line for 30 minutes for a security inspection. This is to make sure you're not stealing. You aren't allowed to leave and you aren't compensated for this time. Employees sued but the courts ruled in Amazon's favor.