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Man this LP... goes places  E: update previous page
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Jul 4, 2019 22:50
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Oh come on, there is no way they are making The Machine transform into a dragon or something. That would be silly.
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Jul 4, 2019 23:07
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That's a lot of work for what is basically a single gag.
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Jul 4, 2019 23:09
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quote:A whole bunch of meh culminating in us picking up Chekhov's rocket launcher. Ohhhhh boy. I can't wait to see how this pans out!
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Jul 4, 2019 23:10
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kw0134 posted:That's a lot of work for what is basically a single gag. The amount of work for a single gag makes it even better
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Jul 4, 2019 23:52
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Tallgeese posted:Oh come on, there is no way they are making The Machine transform into a dragon or something. That would be silly. Of course not, he's The Machine! He's totally going to turn into a Gundam or something.
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Jul 5, 2019 00:10
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Considering his inspiration it would be extremely fitting to see The Machine transform into an angel in the grand jrpg tradition.
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Jul 5, 2019 00:16
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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Jul 5, 2019 00:23
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Jul 5, 2019 01:18
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"Chekov's rocket launcher" plus this whole BS sideline being a Howard and Nester joke makes my heart swell three sizes.
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Jul 5, 2019 03:00
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Howard and Nester also appear in the original Dragon Warrior, so it may have just been lifted from the game and not intentional.
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Jul 5, 2019 04:25
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Update XVIII - It Is Just Like Noam Chomsky Once Said: We hosed Up. ♪ BGM: City Theme ♫ Alright, back out of Dragon Quest world, our first point of order is setting our name right.  ♪ BGM: Beethoven's Seventh ♫ Next, we make our way back to The Machine's mansion, and here we see Moose loitering around. Let's talk to him.   Really? I heard it was a painting. It was both.TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
 Weird, this is all very suspicious.Well, I guess we'll take this opportunity to steal something else.  Returning to the upper area, there is something further to find after sneaking past some more guards.  It's the home run ball we were looking for!  Oh no!  We probably should have expected that when we walked through the doorway surrounded by bars. ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ And now the Machine caught us! It is just like Noam Chomsky once said: we hosed up. Wait, so Carlos Rodriguez handles his own security? No, he doesn't. I'm just a hologram created in his image.♪ BGM: Beethoven's Seventh ♫ Oh, well I guess things didn't just go from bad to worse, they just stayed bad.I don't think I'll ever get tired of the gag of *Machine's theme plays* - "Oh no, it's the Machine!" - "No, I'm not, I just look like him." - *Music abruptly cuts* - "Oh, OK then." Wow, body doubles, airships, and holograms. Even The Machine has to be burning through his money at this rate. The ultra-rich do not live in the same world as we do. It is as if they exist in the superior canon of Universal Soldier: Return, while we must scrap together an existence in the world of Universal Soldier 2. When the Universal Soldier program threatens, they are safe with Jean Claude Van Damme, while we must depend on Matt Battaglia. Well, mister #Hologram, I guess you really *are* The Machine. #TwitterJokes Ha ha, I have never heard that one before. What, exactly, do you do here? I stand here and taunt you until someone comes along and finds you trapped here. This is bad, you guys. The Machine is going to find out we were trying to steal the home run ball. Don't worry, this is a problem that @twitter can certainly solve. Are you going to burst through the door like you did back in the bookstore? No, while I am good at #RemovingObstacles I am primarily a social media platform. I will overwhelm the security system with #data and short it out. #TwitterPlans So then we get to play another shooter. Spoiler alert: We can't destroy a single one of these enemies and lose horribly. Don't say you're surprised by this, because I will slap you for being a liar.  Hey! It finally happened! @twitter fought The Machine and failed just like the rest of us. I thought things would go better for me but I was wrong #CommonMisconceptions ALL HOLOGRAMS ARE ABORTIONS OF LIGHT AND SHOULD BE BLANKETED WITH THE SHADOWS OF UTTER DESTRUCTION. #DIEHOLOGRAMSDIE ‘ Huh, losing does not make my #trolls very happy. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think you could hack a sophisticated security system with tweets? I guess I'm just going to have to #ram the door like you suggested. Stand back! #WisePrecautions W—What are you doing? I think you're about to find out.    Man, you are gonna be in so much trouble when The Machine finds out you let us escape. I'm a computer program. I don't get in trouble. I dunno, you sound awfully defensive. When we move on, we hear a bell ring. I guess Carlos Rodriguez has opened up the main ballroom. Now we can find him--the real him--and ask him why we're here. Solving any mystery is its own reward, especially if it is solved by a more pressing mystery. There's #something you guys should know. When I was trying to hack the security system, I did some #DataMining. Hack the system? You were sending a bunch of tweets that didn't do anything. Quit being so negative,you're like reading the comments section on a website with otherwise good #content. #NeverReadTheComments So, what was it you found? There's something huge going on, and it may be bigger than the World Series. Moose says there's nothing bigger than the World Series. What about the end of the world? Before or after the series is over? After. Wait, why is that your question? #Priorities Well, if the world ends after the World Series, there's never another World Series, so you get to be World Champions forever. ...but, there's no world to be the champion of. Oh, c'mon "end of the world" is just, like, shorthand for the extermination of humanity or something. You can't end a world. Back me up on this, Zizek. You pose an interesting question: What is a world? A world can be a planet or merely a state of mind. However, both can be ended. My point is that *something* will probably exist, and that something will never play baseball, so I'll be World Champ forever. But you'll be dead! Yeah, but I was gonna be dead no matter what. I can't stop the world from ending. I'm not so sure about that... From what I saw, I think that the Machine needs you for what he's planning. #Irony I'd say that I don't believe it, but after everything else we've been through, I guess this just tops it off. This is all the more reason to hurry downstairs and confront Carlos Rodriguez about our presence here. Alright, let's go.  We have a bunch of people dancing in the ball room, and also, The Machine! Strap yourselves in, folks, it's time for The Machine to explain himself.  Why did you invite me here, Machine? You... You are him, right? Not a body double or a hologram or a swarm of nanomachines designed to-- Of course I am, Bobson! And as for why you are here, well, I thought you would have figured that out by now. Hey! You're just being intentionally obtuse and throwing a mystery back in our faces to make us feel dumb! Oh, am I? Our history of interactions with this man indicate that he will just continue doing this, likely just to spite us. You know what, Machine? I do know why I am here! Because you are playing mind games with us. But guess what? You're not the only one who can play mind games! I stole the home run ball you hit off me and I'm going to use it to regain my confidence in my slider! I don't believe that telling #TheMachine about your plan is an effective part of a mind game. #JustSaying Especially when you haven't even used the home run ball to get your slider back yet. I have to *use* it? It's an item in your inventory, of course you do. I've never had to do that before! This is awfully late to start introducing new concepts like this. Don't worry, Bobson! I want you to have the home run ball. Oh no! He's turning around the mind game again! How do you do that? Every time! It's kind of amazing. No mind games, my friend! Everything I've said to you, this whole time, has been absolutely sincere. We're in this together. Oh god you're not just playing mind games, you're playing mind sports. You don't believe that I'm telling the truth? When you went missing tonight, I was the one who had the game canceled so you wouldn't miss it. No, the game was canceled because it is storming in New York. Ah, see, as has continuously been the case, you are not seeing the bigger picture. You have no idea what you are part of. I don't understand. I believe that this mad man is claiming that he is capable of controlling the weather. Zizek, my friend, you brought a living avatar of Twitter into the real world and you doubt that something as simple as the weather can be manipulated? I am no one's friend, as the designation "friend" implies a mutual respect that, as a philosopher, offering would be unforgivable negligence. Well, it is not I who control the weather but those who employ me. And who would that be? The Illuminati? Actually, yes. To fully explain, I first need to tell you a bit about the life, experiences, and goals of an 18th century Bavarian by the name of Adam Weishaupt. This is one of those pictures that is just incredibly TheCloser.PNG. However, this was just a cover for the true intentions of the Bavarian intellectuals and elites who comprised the Order. They sought to bring about an ancient prophecy that they believed would usher in a fundemental revolution of the nature of man. That sounds like gibberish to me. Like all mysteries, that is by design. What does that even mean? It means you haven't been paying attention. Like I said: you haven't been paying attention. Now, come with me... After all, you are the guest of honor. You might notice the answer to one of our previous mysteries staring you in the face right now. Zizek, could you fill me in on what is happening? This is all too weird for my blood. Oh no. We're doomed. Come on up here, Bobson! Is that... Jimmy Dugan? He tried to trap you in a terrible video game and you still let him live. I thought it would be fitting to let him out for this final step in your journey. What were you thinking? This man is a monster! I'm telling you, Kami: Mind games. Even you thought I deserved a second chance. What changed? A second chance in the video game! Not in our world! Well, if you're going to ask... gently caress that. Why would I want Jimmy Dugan to cheer for me? That's right! You tell him! Just tell me what is going on, Machine. Who are these people? Why am I here? And what's all this about the end of an era? Tomorrow night, Bobson and I will meet the destiny that has been charted for us since before the age of the steam engine. Listen, I know the theme of the playoffs a few years ago was "written in the stars" but Moose told me that was poetic and not real. This was the path set out for us by Adam Weishaupt and his brothers centuries ago, to meet on the field of battle and bring about a tide of change. Join me in celebrating our impending revolution! As is written in the sacred texts of the Diabolicals, "the man with the arm shall face the man with the club, and all the world shall finally know light." That is an incredibly vague prophecy. "The one's name shall be Rodriguez; the other shall be Bobson. And they shall face off in the seventh game of a sport not yet invented." Okay, considerably less vague. Maybe we need to take this seriously. If you'd taken baseball as seriously as you are taking this prophecy, we might not be here! Oh, shut the gently caress up, Dugan. Did you really prefer to live in a video game? The way it was before these people showed up? YES! You're disgusting. This bit of prophecy is rather concerning though all prophecy is nonsense, even that which mentions our dear pitcher by name. That is right! There can be no doubt! The day shall come tomorrow that we have all been waiting for! So please! Give Bobson the respect that he deserves!And the crowd cheers as we are given control again.  What are you doing here, Dugan? Nothing yet, just not being trapped in that video game is enough. Who brought you out? Who is this other person capable of using applied ontology? Who among my peers is actually a stooge for the Illuminati? I believe his name was Roberto Unger. Of course it was! UNGER!!!!! Don't worry, I'm not here for revenge. In this world, I can't even use magic. Really? But Kami can-- Shh- Shut up, Bobson! I can't do anything. Completely powerless in this non-video game world. I still hope that Carlos Rodriguez hits another home run off of you, though. But I think that's going to cause the end of the world! Eh, everything's gotta end sometime. No, because it doesn't even matter who wins tomorrow. Whether I hit another HR off you or you strike me out, the prophecy is still fulfilled. Obviously, I'm sure I will crush another meatball out of the part...but even if I don't, the new era will begin unfettered. So wait, you don't even care whether or not St. Louis wins? What is most important is that we face each other at our strongest. Why do you think I am letting you keep the home run ball? And why do you think I've been helping you all along! But if our showdown is going to end the world, then it's more important than ever that you win! Because you'll be champion forever! Champion of what? In the enlightened age there will be nothing to be champion of. You're no machine, you're a monster! Now I know I have to defeat you, even if you claim that it's "meaningless" who wins. Go ahead and try. That is what we need, after all. Both of us giving our all, going all out to challenge each other.This is some heavy poo poo. Let's see if our mentor has some words of wisdom.  Think of something? I'm going to strike that jerk out for trying to end the world. That's... That's what he's counting on.And then, let's talk to him again, but somewhere else, which means that he'll say something else than when we just talked to him five seconds ago because woot RPG Maker.  WeirdER, you mean. Yeah, pretty much.Alright, that'll be it for this update. We're officially done with all the side content we can do. Next time: Game Seven.
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Jul 5, 2019 18:51
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Well... Well... That was certainly... something 
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Jul 5, 2019 19:01
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Better warm up that Dragon Slayer so we can defeat whatever one-winged angel-dragon this poo poo summons.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:04
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Oh no. I think our one-winged angel will be Dugan as part of his revenge.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:07
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I went to saving Moose right after this, and to me it read like the party bringing back an old friend and giving Bobson the encouragement and confidence he needed right before heading to Game Seven. ...Though that was hampered by me then spending an hour wandering around that Dragon Quest area, so doing it the way TheMcD is probably is for the better.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:07
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To be fair we no one but ourselves to blame for not suspecting the Illuminati right from the start.  What happens if you'd killed Jimmy? I assume he just isn't here and all the dialogue around him is cut?
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Jul 5, 2019 19:08
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Yeah the dq area is too long, it could have been cut down pretty heavily.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:13
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Can you change your name again? If we take everything literally, that will make the prophecy not be fulfilled  .
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Jul 5, 2019 19:19
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I... Just what. 
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Jul 5, 2019 19:29
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Should have grabbed the Spitball
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Jul 5, 2019 19:36
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Dancer posted:Can you change your name again? If we take everything literally, that will make the prophecy not be fulfilled They could actually track that, either by blocking off the namechanger now or by checking if you try to do it after the fact.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:39
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Tallgeese posted:They could actually track that, either by blocking off the namechanger now or by checking if you try to do it after the fact. They better have.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:46
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So wait, Carlos Rodriguez is kyoon? We already had one forums poster show up in the game...
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Jul 5, 2019 19:48
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Killing Dugan just means that all scenes that feature him have those parts cut out. Name changes are not tracked and have no effect on the prophecy. I presume a prophecy centuries in the making doesn't care about you changing your name, be it through the county clerk or through a weed mouse. And funny that you should mention the spitball. There's something coming up on that.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:54
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It honestly should have. Give a nonstandard game over if you change your name now.
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Jul 5, 2019 19:58
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Dios mio. Just when you think this game can't get wackier...
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Jul 5, 2019 21:11
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You know what the funny part is? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adam_Weishaupt He actually was the founder, and the whole thing was basically accurate barring the whole secret prophecy part. Tallgeese fucked around with this message at 21:26 on Jul 5, 2019 |
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Jul 5, 2019 21:20
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Answering "Actually, yes." to any such claims involving the Illuminati, Akashic Records, or other such things is comedy gold
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Jul 5, 2019 21:42
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Okay, Illuminati prophecy was not where I was going with this I was expecting The Machine to be a robot sent back from the future to stop The Closer from ushering in a new dead-ball era or something, not a Secret Grand Master of the Illuminati. I mean, his theme song IS named Terminate... Bellmaker fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Jul 6, 2019 |
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Jul 6, 2019 03:46
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Honestly I'm expecting the game to have some kind of AR metaplot at this point, considering how much of it is diving into other games. It seems only appropriate that it intrude into the actual real world as well.
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Jul 6, 2019 04:01
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MLB actually stood for Me Love Bees all along
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Jul 6, 2019 04:03
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Hwurmp posted:MLB actually stood for Me Love Bees all along I understand this reference!
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Jul 6, 2019 04:10
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oh my god are you going to save the world with a balk
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Jul 6, 2019 04:11
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TheOneAndOnlyT posted:So wait, Carlos Rodriguez is kyoon? We already had one forums poster show up in the game... I'm not sure I ever thought about forums poster Kyoon ever appearing in a video game, but dear god, I need this right now
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Jul 6, 2019 04:56
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Was the DQ section too long? absolutely. If I'd had the time, would I have made it literally the length of DQ I? absolutely.
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Jul 6, 2019 06:24
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Goddamn it a baseball game was on the radio and I listened a bit and realized I understood everything they were talking about Thanks a lot you two now I know sports 
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Jul 6, 2019 07:36
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gyroball posted:Was the DQ section too long? absolutely. The thought I had writing that update was "you know, I just realized that if I were to make my own game in a similar vein, I would absolutely have an Ultra Despair Girls homage that would be similarly indulgent". Grapplejack posted:Goddamn it a baseball game was on the radio and I listened a bit and realized I understood everything they were talking about And thus, the true sinister plan is revealed - to make goons understand sports.
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Jul 6, 2019 10:53
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Update XIX - Sorry, But Those Are The loving Breaks. ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ So, it's pretty much time for the endgame. But before that, we have some unfinished business.  Let's use this.  ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ I wonder what famous pitcher will visit me to help me re-learn my slider...  Relearning your slider was never about finding inspiration from another pitcher, but from regaining your own confidence. You've made it through the darkest of times, and now you know that you can throw your slider again, since you can mix it in with other pitches. But Moose said it was a meatball now! The league has figured it out! You've come a long way since then, traversing worlds to find a way to fix what you have broken. You've earned this. But what do I do about Carlos Rodriguez? He says that the very act of facing him will bring about the end of the world. There's always another way. You know that, deep in your heart.Bobson has re-learned the slider! I can feel the wisdom of pitchers past flow through my veins. Ted Seaver. David Cone. Steve Carlton. I can feel the masters of the lateral breaking pitch speaking to me through my own repertoire. I threw the pitch for months without realizing what a difficult beast it was to control, but now it all comes into focus. Go, Bobson! Finish what you started!TheMcD's Baseball Stuff posted:
With that done, let's get some more advice from our wise mentor.  ♪ BGM: Closer's Theme ♫ Any more thoughts on what to do about Carlos Rodriguez's threat? I thought about reporting it to homeland security but that's probably where the Illuminati do most of their work. This is a fair assumption, though mere hours ago I would have called you a madman. I would have meant it as a compliment, but still... And with that, let's get to Game Seven. I've done everything. Are you sure? If you tell the manager you're ready, you will fast forward to game seven of the World Series. Anything left undone in the world will remain undone, and this will affect the ending you receive. Well, I already uncovered the Machine's plan to end the world... and I rescued Moose from the gritty reboot!Fast forward to game seven? Yep.  Unfortunately, your friends won't be able to go to the bullpen with you, but since they've been so helpful, we'll let them stay in the lockerroom to watch. We don't even get tickets? None left. What did you expect? This is game seven of the world series. Capitalism, once again, finds us when we are weak and uses our bones to build boats in the desert. I guess I should say goodbye... Time to have one last chat with everybody before the big game.  Consider, Bobson, what is your true "objet petit a", your true desire that is, alas, unobtainable? The World Series, though I'm pretty sure that is obtainable, since we were one strike away in the last game. No, no, no, you misinterpret, though I suspect that is not your fault. The World Series, being obtainable, cannot be the true objet petit. It is not something that you can make a part of yourself. It is by its very nature alien and unknowable, both the remnant and absence of that which is The Real and defiant of signification. You lost me. That is okay. Just think of the film "Ed." That's the one with the guy from Friends and the monkey who plays baseball, right? The very same. In "Ed", it is presumed that the primary goal of the protagonist, Deuce Cooper, is to impress his team and make the Major Leagues. Deuce, though, has an anxiety problem. He chokes in front of a crowd, which you likely can sympathize with. To help Deuce, the coach makes him take care of the team's third baseman, who happens to be a chimpanzee. Ed doesn't just help Deuce with his baseball anxiety, but also his social anxiety, helping him bond with a single mom and her daughter. Ed is sold by the greedy owners--typical capitalists--and while Deuce goes to rescue him, Ed is injured by an extended stay in a frozen banana truck. Deuce isn't sure he can still get over his anxiety without his monkey friend on the field, but overcomes it when his girlfriend shows up at the park... along with her daughter and a recovering Ed. What does this have to do with ANYTHING? Curing Deuce's anxiety is his objet petit a, which is understandable because any brief contemplation of The Real is a source of anxiety. He believes that the presence of the monkey resolves him of his unquenchable desire, but realizes when Ed is injured that the object can never be achieved. However, since this is the filmic world of fantasy, Deuce does find a way to resolve his quest... through, of course, the adoption of the structure of the family--his girlfriend, her daughter, and the monkey. This is typical of American filmmaking: the underlying theme that unfulfillable desire can actually be fulfilled through submission to structures. The truth, however, is that film lies to true desire is beyond structures--it is superstructural—-and to assume otherwise is to set oneself up for failure. ...and? You must realize that the World Series will not cure you of desire, just as family, success, and a monkey could not cure Matt LeBlanc's character. Baseball is a game, and like "family" is a structure that cannot subsume your desires. So you must know your true desire... then you must accept that it is unobtainable. Then you will know what to do with the game. Thanks, Zizek. I think. Just like any baseball game, it's mostly a toss-up. That's not helpful! Sorry, but those are the loving breaks. Would you rather I say that New York has a 54% chance to win? Even though, functionally, that's meaningless? I like those odds. They're still not great! Better than a 46% chance, right? Well, yes, but a single game has so much random bullshit in it that the 54% number has no bearing on reality. It's based off the idea that there is no information we can't have, which, of course, is hosed up. What do you mean? How many players in the starting lineup are hungover tonight? I can't know that, and even if I didn't, I have no clue how to factor that in to my 54%. But I'm sure it affects it! If you're drawing from a big enough pool of information from real games, doesn't that end up assuming the theory that some players are hungover? Yeah, but the unknown rate of hungover players throughout baseball history is actually irrelevant to tonight's game. And might, in fact, make the stats less useful because this is such a unique situation - a postponed game seven of the World Series. So you got nothing? Throw strikes. But not too many over the middle of the plate. And The Machine? Try not to end the world, if you can help it. Is it okay for you to do that? To take a side? I really shouldn't. But as you know, social media has no fondness for #rules and #regulations. Thanks, @twitter. YOU ARE A PIECE OF poo poo! YOU NEED TO BE CASTRATED SO THAT YOUR FAMILY LINE IS NO LONGER A STAIN ON THE EARTH. Oh, again, I am so sorry. I swear we are taking steps to remove this influence from our servers. Don't worry, I understand. It's just how you are, twitter. Wow, you #understand me. Not really, but I accept you. This is truly #amazing. Have any suggestions for me if I have to take the field? A quick survey of what is #trending tells me that half of your fans want you to #StrikeOut Carlos Rodriguez, while the other half... wants you to hit him in the head with a fastball. That is both brutal and specific. I just say what the #metrics are telling me. Are people really that cruel? Buddy, you have no idea. No matter what the people say, you need to #win. And I believe you can. Not yet. We still need to win this game. Any last advice? Remember what I've taught you. Never throw a pitch the batter is looking for, and mix up your fastball with off-speed pitches. Also that knuckle-curve is basically unhittable but don't throw it to Carlos Rodriguez with two strikes. Remember, that didn't go well for me.So the game does basically tell you here that the knuckle-curve is a god pitch. We're gonna win you that World Series title, Moose. Thanks. Just try and avoid ending the world, if you can. Some of us do care about sticking around to enjoy the championship. And now, it's truly time. Ready as I'll ever be. Don't worry, kid, I have faith in you. You had me pulled from the closer position and only put me back because of twitter! Wrong! I pulled you from the position because of twitter and then put you back. That's not any better! Just believe that I trust you now. Now get out to the pen and be ready if we need you in the ninth. ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ That's the thing about being a bullpen pitcher. Until you are needed, you have no control over the game. I'd spent the last two days doing everything I could to prepare for one inning that may not come, and especially to be ready for an at bat against the Machine that was unlikely to happen. Despite all the work I put into getting ready for the game, I hoped that it would be a blowout and I wouldn't have to pitch. It's not that I was afraid I would blow the game again, but what if I had to face The Machine... I had the pitches to strike him out, but would I be able to forget his terrible prophecy? And should I forget it? Was there something I could do to prevent it from happening? I hoped that my teammates would come out of the gate, firing on all cylinders, and I wouldn't even need to pitch... let alone face The Machine. Of course, in the back of my head I knew I wouldn't be so lucky. The game moved quickly, with both starting pitchers dominating through the first several innings. I don't know if it was the light rain, or the day off but the hitters just couldn't drive the ball. I wondered if the Illuminati had something to do with this, since they knew as well as I did that a high-scoring game would make it less likely that I would face The Machine. In the fourth inning, St. Louis scored a run on a sacrifice fly by The Machine after the number 2 hitter bunted a runner over to third base. It was like they knew it would be a low-scoring game. New York scored three in the fifth, but thoughts of a blowout were dashed when they stranded the bases loaded. The Machine hit a HR to lead off the seventh and St. Louis threatened to tie the game, but the setup men worked out of it. By this time, I knew what was going to happen. I could see how the lineup would shake out. Whether by fate or the will of the Illuminati... New York would go into the top of the ninth inning with a 3-2 lead, and the top of the order up for St. Louis.   You know what causes deja vu? Uh, no, I don't... It's memories of past lives carried through your body by midi-chlorians. Oh for god's sake, I thought we resolved this after game six. Fortunately, we have something more important to talk about. That's right! Here we are again, like the fox at the hen house on an early dewey morning. Just like in game six, it looks like the manager will turn to Bobson with a one run lead in the ninth inning. This is as excitin' as a fresh bottle of ranch dressing on an iceberg salad. That... That doesn't sound exciting at all. Fortunately, this game is plenty exciting no matter what kind of awful salad you're eating. Bobson will face the top of the St. Louis order. And yes, that includes Carlos Rodriguez, who has already homered in this game. Gotta wonder what's going on in the kid's head. He's probably replaying that pitch from game six in his head, wondering how he'll keep from throwing another one like it. At least this time he starts the inning with no one on base. Yeah, but he's gotta get three outs instead of just three strikes. I guess we'll see if he's up for it. Here he comes! ♪ BGM: The Entrance ♫ And here we are.  Harvey batted .306 for St. Louis, with 30 stolen bases. Not someone that New York wants to see on base, especially ahead of Carlos Rodriguez. He runs like a horse with a gullet full of coffee. Bobson delivers the pitch! So now it's time for the final battle. This time, we need to go through three batters in a row instead of just one. Now, I could just throw cheapout knuckle-curves, but let's try to do this without abusing them. Let's go. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! Thankfully, Harvey here sets us up for the other three-strike-combo. First, the change... Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. And here I should've just thrown a curve, but instead, I went for something different. Bobson throws a slider! The batter fouls off the pitch as it runs in on his hands! There are still two strikes on the batter. I'm not sure why I wasn't going to the curve here, maybe it just felt too easy. Instead... Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 3! The batter swung right through the heat! Bobson struck him out!  An excellent start to the inning for New York. They are now two outs away from the championship. Harvey heads back to the dugout with nothing to show for the at bat but a handful of air. Next up with have Stephen Miller, the second baseman for St. Louis. He's not quite Carlos Rodriguez, but he's still a threat at the plate. Let's see what Bobson has in store for the second batter of the game. I hope he hurries up, I can't wait for him to face The Machine again. C'mon, Miller is a good hitter in his owr right. Listen, if Stephen Miller is the one to tie this game, we've all been scammed out of an incredible baseball moment. We'll find out momentarily, as Bobson gets ready to deliver the pitch. Let's see if we can get this guy too. The RNG in this game is a fickle mistress. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Aw, horsecrap. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 2! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Oh, gently caress you. Bobson throws a fastball! Strike 1! The batter swung right through the heat! OK, we can work with this. Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 2! The batter took that changeup on the outside corner. Yeah! And now, to finish him off with the curve! Bobson throws a curveball! Ball 3! Even though there are two strikes, the batter manages to lay off the curveball in the dirt. WHAT. The hitter is now looking for a curveball! Well, that doesn't help me too much, I think. I don't believe there's a killer pitch for "looking curveball", like the fastball is for "looking changeup" and vice versa. Uh, gently caress it, throw some more heat, just get it in the god drat zone. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 4! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Bobson issued the walk. The runner reached base. gently caress.  However, this does not end the game. We're still going, after all, there's just a guy on first, that's not too terrible. That will put the tying run on base and make Carlos Rodriguez the potential winning run. I know that's not what the kid wanted to do, but he's still in control of this game. Two more outs and its over. Now, here it is, folks, the rematch you have been waiting for. ♪ BGM: Terminate ♫ And Bobson gets the chance to redeem himself in front of the home crowd. All right... Here goes nothing. This game is, like all games, ultimately irrelevant. However I still wish for you to succeed and win this equally irrelevant championship. The world is equally #cheering for your success and your death. Such is the nature of #SocialMedia. C'mon, kid. Just don't end the world. I can barely feel my left arm. You know, I might want to go to the hospital after this. And now, it's really time for the true showdown. As is befitting of The Machine, pitching combat does not quite work the same way here. For instance, remember the spitball? You'd think it'd be great here, right? Well, here's what happens if you throw a spitball. Bobson throws a spitball! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! Wait, did you just make contact with that? That's not how the spitball works in this-- It's game seven, Bobson. No cheating allowed.Carlos Rodriguez is now looking for the spitball! And if you for some insane reason throw it again... Bobson throws a spitball! He-- He hit it again? Carlos Rodriguez was sitting on that pitch! And even I don't know what that was! Was it some kind of pitch a cheater uses?And then you lose. That is how fearsome The Machine is - he can hit a pitch that is literally unhittable and just magically removes a ball from the count. Let's not do that. Not that we could, since we're not cheaters. Let's just start with a fastball, as usual, since the game doesn't recognize habits that other players could recognize, like how when Pablo Sandoval just suddenly entirely stopped swinging at the first pitch. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 1! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! Fuckin' poo poo. Uh, more heat? We kinda need to get a strike. Bobson throws a fastball! Ball 2! The pitch was just off the outside corner and the batter takes it for a ball! The hitter is now looking for a fastball! Oh god this is a disaster. Thankfully, we get a free strike now. Bobson throws a changeup! Strike 1! The batter got out in front of that pitch and just missed the change-up. Now, let's try and see if we can sneak one with the slider. Bobson throws a slider! Strike 2! The batter took the slider for a called strike! This is it, Bobson. Two strikes. Just like last time. What are you going to throw now? This is it. This is the moment that the prophecy predicted. Is there anything I can do to stop it?So, here we are. The thing is, there is something we can do to prevent the prophecy from coming true. In fact, it'll be staring at you once you enter your pitch selection. But we're not taking it. We are striking this motherfucker out. And to avenge Moose, we're going to do it with the knuckle-curve. Let's throw it. He can't possibly know it's coming. Bobson throws a knuckle-curve! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! There are still two strikes. Oh, so Moose taught you that pitch? Brave of you to throw it with two strikes, after what I did to him.Rodriguez is now looking for the knuckle-curve. Moose said this pitch could beat anyone, and I believe in Moose. I just have to wait for the next time he's expecting something straight.Now, let's mix it up. Bobson throws a changeup! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! There are still two strikes. Rodriguez is now looking for a changeup. Well, we should be able to get him with the heat, now. Bobson throws a fastball! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! There are still two strikes. Carlos Rodriguez is now looking for a slider, in addition to the changeup. This is another trick Rodriguez has. He can look for multiple pitches, and he can anticipate pitches, as opposed to other batters that just start looking for what you just threw. So after you throw a fastball, Rodriguez is expecting you to mix it up with a breaking ball or a change, and he'll punish you if you do so. So, I guess we'll go with the curve, he hasn't seen that yet. Bobson throws a curveball! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! There are still two strikes. Holy poo poo. This could turn into some Brandon Belt vs. Jaime Barria poo poo. Rodriguez is now looking for a curveball. OK, I guess we'll go back to the heat. Bobson throws a fastball! Rodriguez fouls off the pitch! There are still two strikes. Rodriguez is now looking for a fastball. Yes! There it is! Bobson throws a knuckle-curve! Bobson fooled Rodriguez with the knuckle-curve! Strike three! He did it! He struck him out!There are only a few ways you can strike out Rodriguez here. - If he's looking slider and changeup, a fastball will get him if he's already fouled off three balls. - If he's looking fastball and slider, a changeup will get him if he's already fouled off three balls. - If he's looking fastball and change, a slider will get him if he's already fouled off three balls. - If he's looking fastball and you've thrown a slider at him, but no curveballs, a curveball will get him if he's already fouled off three balls. - Finally, if you've already thrown him a knuckle-curve and he's looking either fastball or change, the knuckle-curve will get him. A side note - Machine will hack wildly at potential ball fours if he has strikes to spare, and will foul off basically everything at the end, as you have seen. But now, we've beaten The Machine!  ♪ BGM: Silence ♫ What an at—bat! Bobson puts down Rodriguez when he was at his most dangerous, with men on base. There are still 1 outs to go, but you this has taken all the wind out of the sails for the visiting team. If Bobson had put any more mustard on that last pitch, I'd be writing Subway to have him fired as a sandwich artist. Next up is-- Hey, uh, look up at the sky and tell me that something doesn't look odd... Oh. Right. poo poo.  This is it, Bobson! Oh my god. It wasn't just a mind game. We did it! We brought about a new era of enlightenment and change! It looks more like the sun is on fire. Well, more on fire than usual. To begin anew, all aspects of the past must be erased. So we're gonna die? We are going to be reborn!And so the world came to an end. I was unable to stop the plans of the Illuminati, even though my participation was key to their success. If only I hadn't allowed anyone on base, New York would be world champions at the close of all life on Earth. But as it is, the game will remain unfinished.  ♪ BGM: Closer's Title ♫ Welp. Next time, we'll do this right and finish the game.
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