Lead out in cuffs posted:

he snuck into the morgue and made a cast of the body, then left concrete replicas of it around the camp to haunt them.

bird cooch posted:

I reached out to one of my old buddies to try and get the whole story. I wasn't around for parts of it firsthand and I'm relying on memory from 2003-2004-ish so this may get an update at some point.



For all of his faults which are multitude, dirty Joe was an amazing dancer in almost every style. And super disarming for a wild desert meth redneck. At this point dirty Joe had become a plane captain, and we had received a couple of fresh pilots mid tour. One of which was not unattractive very plain, and a total cherry.

Anywho we were into the sauce hard, and everybody was having a good time and not feeling any pain that's for sure. We have this informal game where if we could find our CO or our DIVO in port they would buy us a round, pat us all on our shoulder and then melt Into the night to hide from the dirty enlisted heathens. it's not like they didn't play the game. we could usually find the one of them on the first day pretty readily posted up somewhere where he knew we'd be to informally treat, but after that they all scattered pretty hard away from the landing area where we were concentrated. Well during one of these adventures a big gang of us probably 20 strong stumbled into a Italian restaurant / bar and discovered half of our pilots and no senior enlisted (fun haters) in sight. And it was the younger half too, we had had a couple of them show up at our barracks Christmas parties and other ridiculousness so it's not like we hadn't been fairly drunk together in a controled-ish situation before.

This resulted in a very ad hoc blending of our groups for the 30 or 40 minutes that we were in the bar and when we left to continue the party a few of them where heading in our direction as well towards the four-story dancehall complex. if you've been to Singapore you'll know this place called the four floors of whores informally. it's down the street from the orange blossom motel and a couple blocks away from one of the big Irish pubs that always becomes a central location during a port call.

so most of us are e3s or fresh e4s. there would have been a couple of e-5s but they were definitely dirtbag e-5s so most of us had a hard libo cut at midnight to be back at the boats. so only a few people had hotel rooms except those that were banging boat donkeys and most of us were just trying to get as shithouseed as humanly possible before we had to get back on the boat, throw up, and pass out in our racks.

What happened next was an hour or two of giddy debauchery, shots, prostitutes desperately trying to get 60 bucks for a toss in a bathroom stall and dirty Joe just tearing up the dance floor. More than once we had noticed dirty Joe throwing down with the Cherry and everybody thought it was, you know, basically hilarious because this gal was tossed and he was rooster cogburn drunk. Nothing untoward but had any senior enlisted or officers who had joined the military for any reason other than to be fighter pilots had seen them they would have been very very upset.

At some point we started losing people to prostitutes and alcohol poisoning and random incestuous hookups the way that only a military unit can do, so nobody noticed that Joe is gone until it was time to start throwing people in cabs. We didn't leave any of our folks on the field, everybody made it back before liberty was called.

Except Joe. We straight fuckin lost Joe.

It was creeping up on 11:45 and while Joe was a brother-in-arms we weren't going to sacrifice the entire unit to recover his body. He's been in trouble before he be in trouble again there's only so much you can do. So with the valiant dirtbag e5s and the few e-4s who were granted overnight privilege vowing to continue the search, we retired to scramble into taxicabs and desperately try and get through the turnstiles before they started taking names. Being a minute late was just as bad as not showing up that night as far as command was concerned.

So as we are standing there waiting to get on the boat 5 minutes after we have turned into theoretical pumpkins although on the safe side of the fence and here comes a ashen-faced E5 with happy looking, rumpled, shoeless, dirty Joe in tow.

he sets Joe down on the ground well away from everybody else goes up and has a word with whoever was Manning the gangway onto the liberty boats and marches Joe directly on board. we managed to get on the same liberty boat but it was pretty obvious from his positioning that we were not allowed to talk to him. This isn't the first time Joe has been in trouble, but he's always managed to skate off with his skin intact.

We get back to the boat Joe decides of his own volition not to come out the last day or two days or whatever it was and immediately gets sent mess cranking (temporary duty working in the ship's galley serving food or washing dishes etcetera), and has his rack is moved out of our little pack of line rat racks. Anytime somebody questioned him about it he would respond with "I can't talk about it bro", a stupid crooked smile and the sort of exaggerated tweaker shrug thing he had going on.

Now nothing stays a secret forever of course so within a few weeks we find out that he was.... Picked up in a hotel room filled with an "unnamed" person's belongings and about half of his clothes and two male American voices and a female American voice having a drunken screaming match in the room next door.

After he finished his cranking rotation he came back to the shop with nothing said and there was just an air of 'this is something that you don't touch" and he definitely never was assigned any of her planes and as soon as she rotated to be our DIVO he was sent to the airframe shop and I transferred squadrons. Up until the day I left his only response to somebody "yelling hey remember that time that Joe hosed the Cherry!?" Was "I can't talk about it bro", a stupid crooked smile and a matching stupid crooked shrug while holding a Bud light in one hand and his 50th cigarette of the day in his other.

I'd hit him up on Facebook for the rest of the story, but for the life of me I can't remember his last name because I always just knew him as dirty Joe so I messaged my friend who was part of the task force that brought him in for the rest of the story but I don't know that I'll get it even now.

to be honest I don't know that I want to know what's become of him now because in my mind he's just this goofy wasteland redneck superhero in a wife beater and jean shorts drunk somewhere getting away with far more than he ever should and I don't really want that ruined. Also I don't really want him remembering that I exist, cuz it's not like this guy was ever going to clean up his act.

I'm sorry if my formatting is weird and my spelling is crap I have to use voice to text because I have difficulty using my hands for fine motion like typing on a cell phone and I'm banging this out away from my desk.

Next up I'll write jrenlisted.txt/itme.
I went before the mast 3 times and married someone who deployed with us. Got out, joined another branch and continued loving up like it was my job.

Mast options are:
CO in a bathrobe

Getting kicked out of "C" School while still passing.

And military equipment off the books found in my barracks roommates closet.

Other story options that come to mind:
My roommate gets an exchange student

Getting into a fight with with the bouncers and cops to save a squad mate who wasn't actually our squadmate.

Being arrested briefly in Fallon Nevada for walking out on the tab (I was unconscious)

Steve-O buys a motorcycle and breaks his femur before ever getting it on the road.

Selling my soul for the second time to get my brother into the coast guard and out of my parents spare bedroom after 6 years of college as Junior.

Boot camp the second time around.

I'll roll into the coast guard stuff as it comes along. This is fun and never get to tell these stories because I don't tell anybody generally that I served.

bird cooch posted:

Being arrested briefly in Fallon Nevada for walking out on the tab (I was unconscious)

Godholio posted:

This is actually my favorite line from a really loving strong page in the idiot thread.

Wingnut Ninja posted:

Where in Fallon? Two places immediately spring to mind so I'm curious which one.

bird cooch posted:

Does "pigs in space" ring a bell?
It's not the name of the bar but it's what it was called when I was around.

Tythas posted:

Edit: wrong thread

EBB posted:

You sure about that?

A HORNY SWEARENGEN posted:

MrYenko posted:

Just came here to post that. I don’t even care if it’s real.

A Bad Poster posted:

I knew those guys were rare, didn't know they were that rare. I worked with a trio of them up in Alaska, they were attached to the army brigades' HQ to help them plan airborne operations. They were also the chillest active duty personnel I ever met.

Vengarr posted:

Generation Kill meets Starship Troopers would be a drat good movie.

Vengarr posted:

Generation Kill meets Starship Troopers would be a drat good movie.

NightGyr posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HO70-Rk3jE

Doc Hawkins posted:

two netflix seasons of Aliens: Colonial Marines

Brute Squad posted:

still want that mad max meets fear and loathing fuel convoy movie.

BigDave posted:

Give me $100k, a surplus fuel truck and a ticket to Los Angeles, and I'll have it ready for editing by next week.

Remulak posted:

I fell asleep catching up on this thread and had a dream about a Starship Troopers remake.

A hearty thank you to all contributors.