SweetMercifulCrap! posted:

I'm having a hard time deciding who is more inept and clueless, Nathen or Doobie

Captain Beans posted:

Doobie had to bilk a bunch of online dinguses to get his money. That takes some measure of, well not skill, but something.

I assume Nathan just has blank checks signed by his rich family. Who pat him on the head and say “what a wonderful idea”.

LadyPictureShow posted:

I'd like to imagine he and Mestre da Pizza are bitter enemies.

https://twitter.com/pizzasbatepapo/status/844552081482682368?s=21

quote:

Mazri's Law #4:
Boredom is the epidemic fatal disease to dream, innovation, and ambition. There is always something new to do or a habit to undo - both require work!

quote:

(Mom's prayer to move from their first SA house) was answered after three years when my called us long-distance to Canada during the summertime and spilled the good news to mother.
...
My mother had the luxury to enjoy a housekeeper to help with the two-storey villa, front yard, outdoor gym room and finally the housekeeper's small outdoor room, similar to a pool house. Cinderella, Cinderella!!

quote:

One hot night in mid-January, I had been sitting in my room like sitting in prison, but for injustices that I alone perceived. I wept. I wandered back and forth in this room, barely thinking until I picked up the wooden chair from my desk and smashed it on the floor and into the wall, alerting my mother, sister and brother to come and watch the dramatic scene taking place. My mother tried to calm me while I yelled out my anger and how sick I was of this place.

"Enough is enough!" I said as I hit myself on the face and on the head.

quote:

The red cup of Nescafe was losing it's effect on me and was no longer a benefit. Smoking was never an option, as the ideal man is physically fit and withdraws from smoking at all times. I never liked the smell anyways! Drugs were not accessible here and never caught my attention. However, pills did flow around in the family tree where my grandmother, uncle, and aunt would be using them. It soon piqued my interest to consume some relaxing pills called Ativan (lorazepam), which is used to treat anxiety associated with depression.

quote:

The chapter would play in the house over and over again and to place the blue eye at the entrance on the door or nearby in order to repel people from jinxing you and your family and to protect you from envious eyes towards your possessions.

quote:

On the weekend of Thursday, my mother, sister, and aunt were on the their way back home at 21:00 o'clock with our driver when they were chased by Saudi men in a white Bentley and one on a motorbike (equipped for the desert) flashing away their numbers on leaflets and spitting on their window saying: "I want to gently caress you!" over and over again. They pulled in front of our car as my mother validated that the car was locked while my aunt threw a bottle of water on the head of the biker, pushing his buttons. The driver managed to reverse and come home while my mother called my father and uncle for the rescue.

They rushed home, while my uncle came with a bat, running like a mad man on the street behind the Bentley. I saw the whole commotion in front of our house as I was about to go to the gym. My mother screamed my name to come help her from the car and into the house while she flipped off the men with her middle finger.

I turned around to see that the car was fully tinted. It could have been some prince from the 25,000 princes and princesses in this country. We surely can't do much as we could easily get deported or sent to jail as requested by some member of the royal family. Moreover, they might stab you dead and get away with it with their connections. Finally we were all at home and actually rather angrier with the women for not veiling themselves well, for revealing their glamorous hair and make-up. It was an unforgettable nightmare and a night to remember indeed.

quote:

The doctor kindly asked me to bend down (don't try to picture it) as low as possible. He took his index finger and placed it on my spinal cord, starting from my neck and moving lower, bending to the right, curving back to the center and finally to my rectum. The doctor raised his head and said to my grandmother: "the boy has Scoliosis; it is a medical condition in which a person's spine is curved from side to side, shaped like an 's', and may also be rotated. The cause remains unknown but it is usually inherited."

quote:

We went back home and broke the news to my parents. My mother and dad both felt my spinal cord. Surgery was mandatory and chances were 15% that I would become paralyzed; the outcome largely depends on the surgeons skills.
...
I raised my head and told (Mom) softly: "I am dying from the inside; I can't go on with my life any more." My mother continued pouring as many tears as my own.

quote:

"It's OK!", I replied. "Dad, my eyes are closing... hold my hand."

Mom got closer and took my hand for the last time as we would both be teared up and finally the nurse took me into the gates of life and death. I turned my head to see my parents for one last moment while my mother waved good bye.

quote:

The best moment in the day was when Oprah is playing on MBC 4, a local Middle Eastern English Channel. This amazing woman has helped me to rejuvenate my way of thinking and helped me forget my pain with her words of wisdom and moving and poignant shows.
...
My heart is telling me that one day I will be a powerful man similar to the ideal man that sits in mind on a daily basis, the one who is sitting side-by-side with Oprah. One day my future will be bright as long as I am alive!

quote:

Dear Oprah:

My name is Nathen and I am an 18 year old who loves hot Oprah. I know it's funny and weird for a teenage guy to be such a big fan of Oprah instead of Snoop Dog.
...
What made my life easier and gave me a reason to survive every single day while going through what no US citizen has gone through is you, Oprah.
...
Believe it, Oprah, because you complete me with your words, your heart, and your experienced psyche. I believe you know that you are a person who cares and has a lot to give. I know you get that a lot. But I am a different case - you know why? Because no one loves you as much as I do. I am now writing a book about my tragic life that I want to introduce to the Oprah's Book Club.
Sincerely Yours,

Summary posted:

What is the theme of Chapter 4?
Idleness leads to boredom. Lack of vision leads to boredom. Apathy leads to boredom. Lack of ambition leads to boredom. Imagination is the cure for boredom whereas an oppressive nation may result in a depressed nation with lower happiness and productivity as a whole necessary to prosper. Engage in a positive line of thought that inspires rather than cause despair. Suppress a nation and you shall create rebels, inspire a nation and you shall create creative leaders. Monotony is an epidemic affecting million of lives today due to the rapid satisfaction of our needs from today's interconnected accelerating technological era, where everything comes easy resulting in laziness. Boredom is a negative state-of-mind. Get up and do something about it!

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I'm imagining Doobie opening an og hous in New York or some place backed by idiot Saudi oil wealth and it's a picture I tell ya wut

Vincent Van Goatse posted:

I'm imagining Doobie opening an og hous in New York or some place backed by idiot Saudi oil wealth and it's a picture I tell ya wut

LadyPictureShow posted:

https://twitter.com/pizzasbatepapo/status/844552081482682368?s=21

Thots and Prayers posted:

"Yup, just finishing up the ol' scoliosis test here by tracing my index finger to your rectum... there! All done. Right in front of your grandmother too"

Pastry of the Year posted:

I am an 18 year old who loves hot Oprah

This ride keeps getting better and better, my god.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Will Taylor
2 reviews
4 weeks ago-
What have you done lately. These people made a Garfield themed take out only pizza restaurant. Quit your job and get your high school band back together. If you dream it you can make it. Someone made a motherlovin' Garfield themed take out only restaurant. They got building permits and financing to do this, all for your entertainment. You don't like it because it's "too expensive" and "not very good"? Didn't stop Neil Armstrong from faking the moon landing and it didn't stop them from making a cartoon app-exclusive restaurant.

Anything is possible.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Will Taylor
2 reviews
4 weeks ago-
What have you done lately. These people made a Garfield themed take out only pizza restaurant. Quit your job and get your high school band back together. If you dream it you can make it. Someone made a motherlovin' Garfield themed take out only restaurant. They got building permits and financing to do this, all for your entertainment. You don't like it because it's "too expensive" and "not very good"? Didn't stop Neil Armstrong from faking the moon landing and it didn't stop them from making a cartoon app-exclusive restaurant.

Anything is possible.

(Will's only other review is of Canada Post and I'm positive all 14 likes of this review are from Nathan's other astroturf accounts with one review)

Thots and Prayers posted:

{Arabiolysis} Chapter 4: Possessed House



Buckle up kids. We're headed to Bat Country.

Absent Saudi Arabian CEO Dad is doing pretty well for the himself:


At no time have I ever imagined the Cinderella sequel being sort of a gritty slice of life but it's Current Year bitches - feel-good is out:


Nathen goes on to recount visiting the hospital enough time for trivial complaints that he started to become the butt of the joke with doctors and nurses. Rather than have a little introspection, Nathen accuses them of not taking things seriously enough.

Meanwhile, back on the set of Cinderella 2:


The ideal man is apparently physically fit, withdraws from smoking at all times, and doesn't mind dipping into his grandma's benzo stash now and then. I enjoyed how he rationalized stepping from two cup of coffee a day to someone else's Ativan prescription - it's clearly the logical move. Also if I were these people I'd be a teensy bit pissed to be ratted out.

Nathan's mom believes that there is a pair of literal demons roaming the house, causing strife and rifts between family members. Nathen tells the whole thing without blinking an eye: here are the sheiks she discussed this with, here are the Quran verses (Nathen helpfully cuts and pastes giant sections of the Quran here) to play on repeat in your house which...


Nathan gets some religion at this point and recalls praying five times a day and studying some religious texts. There's never any resolution to whether or not they got rid of the demons but Nathen continues to alienate people so I guess not.

Directly after a paragraph where Nate recounts how the devil tempted him to skip going to the gym, he drops this whopper of a tale:


Whew, lots of twists and turns in that one. Forget this dumb book, I want to read the driver's memoirs.

No time to reflect on all that though because Grandma notices Nathen is slumped over more than Lowtax and sends him to 'her' orthopedic doctor:


"Yup, just finishing up the ol' scoliosis test here by tracing my index finger to your rectum... there! All done. Right in front of your grandmother too"

Nathen breaks the news about his inherited condition to his parents:


Nathen's surgery is now upon us and he bravely soldiers towards- ha ha, just kidding, he cranks the pathos to eleven:


Tragically Nathen survives and "The Eye of the Tiger" plays over a movie montage of him "learning how to walk again". Well, learning to walk again and watching a bunch of daytime TV because he's suddenly fixated on...


Ah but that's not all. He writes a letter to Oprah. But instead of printing it out and sending it to Oprah he writes it into the book and oh no now I have to read it:


...and so ends one helluva chapter.


Up next: Chapter 5: Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V, and done!

FuhrerHat posted:

ps someone got murdered right outside this place the other day

i doubt it was related, but who knows

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Coincidentally my high school friend and now step brother who I started a band with is balls deep in conspiracy theories now.

piratepilates posted:

I'm tempted to go for lunch at work some time

Hedenius posted:

https://twitter.com/2007narutoamv/status/1148974882803343361?s=21

crazy eyes mustafa posted:

Coincidentally?

EL BROMANCE posted:

Good old Gunfield.

COMPAGNIE TOMMY posted:

Will Taylor
2 reviews
4 weeks ago-
What have you done lately. These people made a Garfield themed take out only pizza restaurant. Quit your job and get your high school band back together. If you dream it you can make it. Someone made a motherlovin' Garfield themed take out only restaurant. They got building permits and financing to do this, all for your entertainment. You don't like it because it's "too expensive" and "not very good"? Didn't stop Neil Armstrong from faking the moon landing and it didn't stop them from making a cartoon app-exclusive restaurant.

Anything is possible.

(Will's only other review is of Canada Post and I'm positive all 14 likes of this review are from Nathan's other astroturf accounts with one review)

Agent Escalus posted:

The NRA should've made a deal to have him be the kids' firearm safety mascot instead of that lame eagle

Elderbean posted:

Garfield EATS Oprah's rear end.

Big Beef City posted:

If Oprah were to be informed of this situation and showed up at this dude's place while he's there, you suppose that'd be interesting?
I suppose it would.

Mr Luxury Yacht posted:

Bobcats posted:

Want to interview the turnkey point of sale menu guy about their reaction to this disaster.

Telephones posted:

Telephones posted: