Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Bust Rodd posted:

Buddy, they won’t even let me gently caress the aliens.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 04:07

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# ? May 23, 2024 10:02

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Imagine working maintenance on that base and knowing firsthand about all the mundane and boring poo poo that goes on, because you�re the one who has to go in every nook and cranny to fix the random door that creaks, replace worn furniture, or apply a fresh coat of paint on a wall. You�d try to tell your friends that no, really, there�s no aliens, it�s just a regular crappy base in the middle of the desert and the only thing that makes it remarkable is that there isn�t a decent place to drink for miles around, and everyone would either
1) tell you smugly that you�re just too low rank to be privy to the real activities of the base, or
2) say that it�s ok, they understand you were sworn to secrecy, wink wink.
Must be infuriating.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 07:24

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

HerStuddMuffin posted:

Imagine working maintenance on that base and knowing firsthand about all the mundane and boring poo poo that goes on, because you�re the one who has to go in every nook and cranny to fix the random door that creaks, replace worn furniture, or apply a fresh coat of paint on a wall. You�d try to tell your friends that no, really, there�s no aliens, it�s just a regular crappy base in the middle of the desert and the only thing that makes it remarkable is that there isn�t a decent place to drink for miles around, and everyone would either
1) tell you smugly that you�re just too low rank to be privy to the real activities of the base, or
2) say that it�s ok, they understand you were sworn to secrecy, wink wink.
Must be infuriating.

They use slave aliens for that poo poo.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 11:45

Jack-Off Lantern: Mar 2, 2012

Do they work after or before getting their cheeks clapped?

# ? Jul 25, 2019 12:50

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

HerStuddMuffin posted:

Imagine working maintenance on that base and knowing firsthand about all the mundane and boring poo poo that goes on, because you�re the one who has to go in every nook and cranny to fix the random door that creaks, replace worn furniture, or apply a fresh coat of paint on a wall. You�d try to tell your friends that no, really, there�s no aliens, it�s just a regular crappy base in the middle of the desert and the only thing that makes it remarkable is that there isn�t a decent place to drink for miles around, and everyone would either
1) tell you smugly that you�re just too low rank to be privy to the real activities of the base, or
2) say that it�s ok, they understand you were sworn to secrecy, wink wink.
Must be infuriating.

yeah but they let you gently caress the aliens, that's cool

# ? Jul 25, 2019 12:57

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

Real wall of text here

quote:

I've got a few different issues. I've kind of kept them to myself for ages because the idea of talking to any of my friends or family about any of it terrifies me. Then I discovered this anonymous confession thing that happens to be on one of the less stupid/insane parts of the internet (go ahead and make the usual joke about goons being awful/"you came here for advice???", hehe).

Thinking about it a little, it's probably best to start it off with "I'm gay". Or at least, not heterosexual or bisexual. That's not really the issue, but it's related to it. I went through a very stereotypical experience of struggling to come to terms with it as a teenager -- struggled with the typical male gender role/expectations, was confused and also in denial about my sexuality for a large part of my teens, grew up in a very conservative/religious household, got severely depressed and self-harmed, hurt a few girl friends that had crushes on me because I couldn't really reciprocate (one was right after high school when I was finally privately starting to feel comfortable with the idea of being gay and I still feel guilty about it because I didn't realise the feelings she'd had for a while and made her cry and have a breakdown after inviting her out on what she thought was a date [teengoons.txt]), fell in love (or at least huge crushes) with one and then another of my guy best friends and never confessed to either -- the whole clich�d deal, and other stuff too. I'm mostly over all of that. 23 now, came out of the closet at 21 to my current friends and 22 to my family, they're supportive and cool about it and who cares we love you anyway.

The real problem is the *being* gay part, and I guess issues of self-worth and confidence in pursuing a relationship with another man. Or, rather, working up to and the aftermath of pursuing relationships with other men, and the impact those issues once had and now once again have on my life. When I got out of high school, I didn't have the money or self-confidence (mentally I was and probably still am an absolute loving wreck in a lot of ways that I just kept hidden and to myself) to go straight to university like all of my other friends. I intended to join the military as an airborne linguist and got pretty far in the recruitment process until (for security-clearance reasons) they got a hold of my medical records, whereupon I hit a dead end because of my mental health history and the medication I had once taken in my late teens. So instead I worked for a few years at a local job, and during that time-frame actually came along pretty well as far as becoming a more well-adjusted, self-accepting, functional person. In a hosed-up way, losing my friend-circle and falling into a quasi-isolation where my life revolved around entry-level work and the meaningless bullshit I passed the time with at home helped me to introspect and work through my issues in a lower-stress environment. Eventually I started going to a local college, and did very well. I was even lucky enough to have a lot of my AP credits from high school transfer over, so I wasn't far behind where I "should have been" at 21. I have a part time job at the college, too, one where I'm actually pretty helpful and competent. I reached a point where I was relatively mentally well and stable, and I was finally pursuing my education; I was doing pretty good, and I had some confidence and self-worth. But even with my life back on track, I didn't really know how to pursue a gay relationship, or I guess even how "being gay" worked; I'd never had a real relationship in high school, much less one with another guy. The idea of going on dates with other guys was intimidating and felt impossible, and of course the idea of coming out was still terrifying for those in-between years, so I didn't even bother to try meeting men I would've been interested in. I didn't even make my first gay friend until I was 21, and *that* was from an online community we both happen to be in. But that's okay; he helped me find the confidence to come out to my parents and gave me a lot of good (and not so good) advice. When I finally told my parents, they were of course okay with it (they joked that it was minor compared to everything else, haha...). I felt relieved, and free, like this massive boulder was off my chest. Seems kind of silly, looking back on it, but that's how it was. I started to finally take my appearance and health seriously, actual self-care and improvement, and started dating through Grindr and Tinder like my friend suggested. Even though it was my first time really dating, I had a surprising amount of success. It started out slow, but eventually I was getting attention and dates from guys I never would have thought I'd have a chance with; I found out, when I was really able to be myself, that I could actually be entertaining enough to attract other people, and that maybe I actually had some charm and charisma. I was finally starting to feel desirable and attractive, like a human being with real worth, and the compliments I got from my dates and friends and coworkers felt amazing.

I was still nervous for a while, of course. I did have some bad experiences, like getting cornered and groped by a much larger guy the first time I went out. I was coming more to terms with relationships with other men, going on progressively better, more involved dates with increasingly-attractive guys over a period of about half a year. Initially, there were a lot of lovely nervous kisses and then a lot of lovely less-nervous make-outs, but I was still too nervous and unsure to move on to anything sexual for several months, or to commit to a real relationship; mostly I just wanted to get some experience in a way I felt comfortable with and to learn more about other gay men and being gay. I think I had something like 1-3 dates with each of half a dozen guys (and a lot of flirty texts with a variety of dudes on grindr/tinder). I was happy to buzz around to new and interesting men and just enjoy myself with something I had missed out on, I suppose. A couple of them lasted for a few weeks before fizzling out because I wasn't putting out or committing, but that was okay. I finally got comfortable enough to try out some sexual stuff towards the end of this period, but not penetration or anything more serious like that.

This was about from January to July of last year. I had plans to meet up with a bunch of my friends from other states and countries at the end of July; we rented a house in a college town in the South and basically partied for a week, which was a very new and very enjoyable experience for me. I had never drunk that much before, or let myself loose as much as I did then. The idea got into my head about halfway through the week to start digging through the local Tinder/Grindr scene of this college town. I juggled dozens of different guys on dating apps at the same time in a continuous, variously-but-always-at-least-a-little-intoxicated span in those last few days. My flight out would be a day later than the rest of my friends, so I would be spending an extra night in this town; I decided, in that stupidly inebriated and bacchanalian state, that I would spend it with an attractive local guy, and that I would finally take that last step. By the last day, I settled on this beefy PhD student from Tinder. I was miffed to find he was a bit shorter and chubbier and less masculine in person (not exactly uncommon, so whatever), but it was a great last day and date regardless; he was very charming and intelligent and took me out to his favourite places. We talked for so long and ended up realising we had a lot of shared niche interests, which was incredibly refreshing. We even stopped by his little podunk grad. student "professor" office on the way to his apartment, haha.

He got to the sex pretty quickly. That's where things went wrong, and weird. I guess, to provide proper context, I have to go into some really uncomfortable territory. I still had and continue to have a lot of psychosexual baggage from the earlier period in my life. I'd been taught from an early age that porn was bad, and somehow kid/teen me internalised that. I had never visited a porn site growing up, even into my late teens; I wish I had been more rebellious, or more willing to explore the feelings of same-sex attraction I had. Of course, a kid growing up still has a lot of exposure to media with essentially sexual elements. Novels, games, movies, shows, magazines, etc. are full of attractive, ripped, half-naked men, and also of course the more gratuitous sexualisation of these men. I think, the first time I masturbated as a teen, it was just to the mental image of some guy's almost-nude body I had seen earlier. Some time after that point, I was able to rationalise to myself that just *looking* at images of men's bodies while I was masturbating was harmless -- "It not's porn, after all. Nothing weird or adult. And you just want to *look* like this, that's all, the idea of that is just really turning you on. Just imagine that, so many girls would be into you. You totally want to have sex with so-and-so from class, just think about so-and-so from class, you really want to have sex with her." -- that kind of thing. And all this hosed me up pretty bad. I get this weird, awful mix of feelings when I see another guy erect and ready to gently caress. Sometimes also arousal, sure, if I'm really attracted to and comfortable with the guy it belongs to, I guess. Whenever I see more explicit kinds of penetration, or anal stuff, or anything else like that, it's just fear and shame and disgust and I hate it and I hate that I feel like that. I finally started to try watching porn after I came to terms with being gay, but it was just incredibly unpleasant and nauseating for me. I tried again when I started dating, trying to acclimate myself to it gradually, and I had some success -- but really explicit stuff still just freaked me the hell out. It's especially bad when there's like, a really ugly dick involved. And this guy, this guy I was about to have sex with, he had a really ugly dick. It was this disgusting kind of pink (my skin colour is a bit darker and seeing that bright flowery shade of bulbous pink on certain white guys is straight-up nasty to me, I'm sorry) and had this weird, awful shape, especially erect. I think he was picking up a bit that something was wrong, so he decided to try and suck me off first. I was struggling not to run away and was completely un-aroused. After about half a minute of unsuccessful fellatio and my half-hearted, horrified-nervous attempts to try and go along with it, he stopped, confused and disappointed. I stumbled, half-trying to explain and half-trying to laugh it off, that I was too tired and had too much to drink and wasn't really up for it right now. He didn't kick me out, he still let me sleep next to him and cuddle a bit, but the situation was incredibly uncomfortable. I couldn't fall asleep for more than a few minutes; I was feeling confused and uncertain and guilty, that I had wronged him and that I was worthless and useless as a human. When morning finally came, I apologised for last night and left on not-terrible terms. We had enough in common to be pretty good friends, at least. But I couldn't shake what happened out of my mind on the flight back home, and I couldn't handle the thoughts and feelings that came back whenever I tried to message him; my texts were awkward and distant, and so were his to me, and to my relief the fumbling back-and-forth quickly sputtered out.

In the time since then, a lot of my old insecurities and problems crept back in. I couldn't find the will to go on any more dates after that. I kept tending to my Tinder and Grindr profiles a little for a few months, putting in more attractive pictures and flirty blurbs to try and at least hold onto that sense of being desirable and the confidence that had come with it, but I was only bothering to respond to a few guys every now and then. Even with those, I was only able to go through the motions of dating/hook-up app text conversation for a few days before I ghosted them. I just felt dread and fear and inadequacy when they started pushing for a date, at the idea of being with them in person, and what each of them would inevitably lead to. It was just a lovely behaviour, and before long I stopped using any of those apps at all. I started wondering, am I asexual? I told myself and other people I was for a couple years in high school with my increasingly-ridiculous rationalisations about my lack of attraction to the opposite sex. I don't think my libido is as high as other guys my age, either, but I can't deny that it's still very much there and that I do have a strong sexual and romantic attraction to men outside of my stupid loving gay sex neurosis.

That night was almost a year ago, now. I've stopped caring for my appearance as much; my family's worried about my weight loss, and I can't help but be disgusted by the sight of my face whenever I look in the mirror these days. I've kind of lost motivation and energy in many other parts of my life, too. My relationship with my family has gotten very strained. It's harder to be around my friends and other people in general, and I have this feeling of apprehension and anxiety about everything. It's not as bad as when I was younger, but I'm worried that it's more dangerous with the weaker support network I have now. I got some really good advice in regards to my education and work goals with someone I reconnected to earlier that has me feeling a bit more determined and hopeful, and I'm feeling clearheaded enough to know that I can't let myself continue on this downward spiral. I've been thinking that I probably need to see a sex therapist and maybe a more conventional one too, but I've had poor experiences with therapy and counselling services in the past, and I don't know if I can sustain the costs with where I'm at right now. I think I can hold on until I finish my degree and get a real job; I don't mind being miserable if I at least have something to work on, but I'm worried about the possibility of something going wrong and me breaking down before that point. I don't feel like I can talk with anyone in my life about this stuff and it's been wearing at me, but I'm feeling a bit better that I could at least finally get it off my chest in this long, rambly-rear end confession. Sorry about that.

(saving my response until later in post)

Skipping yet another "I'm a MAGA chud, triggered much liberals??? :smug:

" confession for obvious troll reasons; the next one in the queue was a followup from the one I just now posted

quote:

I sent in another, much longer confession earlier, but there's also something else that's been bothering me a lot. I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant to my life soon.

So I'm gonna start off by clarifying that I have a teacher friend -- he shows up in this dream. Let's call him Jim. I was being a disruptive and miserable high-schooler in Jim's pokemon class (jim does not teach a pokemon class irl, yeah shocking) because i didn't do the assignment which was to grind up my pokemon to lv. 74 over the weekend. i was shouting "why the gently caress is pokemon a mandatory subject pokemon aren't even real what the gently caress" and other poo poo too and just having a fit of despair getting verbally poo poo on in turn by the teacher's assistant and my classmates. Jim eventually walks over and starts strangling me in a murderous rage while everyone else cheers on. i start feeling relieved and say "do it Jim loving kill me let it end" and then wake up.

Before anyone asks, no: I do not have a strangling fetish, humiliation fetish, S&M tendencies, or anything like that. I have absolutely no attraction to Jim, if I wanted to gently caress or get hosed by any of my friends I think he'd be at the bottom of the list. I woke up feeling super depressed, but I don't have suicidal or self-harm tendencies or anything like that. I'm meeting up with Jim next week for a few days with a bunch of other close friends. I feel like I'm going to feel constantly weird and on edge because dream Jim the pokemon teacher strangled me to death.

yeah uh that does not sound like a sex dream, that sounds like a stress dream

Basically what I'm picking up on from your posts is (a) a whole lot of anxiety / neuroticism, and (b) a repressed religious upbringing can still leave a mark on you even if your family doesn't hate you for being gay. If I were you I'd look into a traditional therapist before a sex therapist, because while point (b) is nothing to sneeze at, I'd venture to say the bulk of your problems, sex-related and otherwise, come from point (a). Anxiety is probably the biggest boner-killer in existence. Like, I haven't seen much gay porn, but I don't think really ugly weird-shaped dicks feature very heavily in them, so it's not like having looked at more porn would have prepared you for that. Being uncomfortable with the idea of penetration could be the result of either one, I guess, but I'd still venture to say that the first thing a sex therapist would tell you is that you have to address your anxiety issues. Might as well start there IMO.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 13:03

sandoz: Jan 29, 2009

wesleywillis posted:

I personally look forward to the fall out from all these people that are going to "storm" area 51.

Sure, like a million people signed up to do it or whatever, but when the time comes, 50 people will show up, and five will actually try. I predict a grand total of three shots fired taking out four of those five, and the fifth one will run like hell in the other direction.

haha yeah badass

# ? Jul 25, 2019 13:07

purple death ray: Jul 28, 2007; me omw 2 steal ur girl

Pokémon are real, and they're my friends.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 14:09

Chef Boyardeez Nuts: Sep 9, 2011; The more you kick against the pricks, the more you suffer.

If they aren't real, how am I engaged to Charizard?

(We're getting married after his sabbatical in Nigeria ends.)

# ? Jul 25, 2019 18:22

Animal-Mother: Feb 14, 2012; RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Mayor Kane, please post more anonymous confessions, we know you're busy mayoring but we'd like to hear how that's going, thanks, Kane.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 21:31

Kosmo Gallion: Sep 13, 2013

Mayor Kane was good. Can somebody dig up the original? He said he'd give us goons a secret signal on that week's raw.

# ? Jul 25, 2019 21:44

bagual: Oct 29, 2010; _{_{inconspicuous}}

Gay guy, could it be that after a week of binge drinking and partying you were in a bad shape regarding dopamine and that along with previous issues got associated into this ball of bad feelings you can't shake off?

also, therapy

# ? Jul 25, 2019 23:45

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Holy gently caress is that Galt speech worth reading at all?

# ? Jul 26, 2019 01:32

TheBizzness: Oct 5, 2004; Reign on me.

I don�t even know what �it�s way worse than aliens� could mean?

Is it the underground containment facility used to house monsters and appease ancient gods from Cabin in the Woods?

Are they running nazi like eugenics tests on minorities?

Is it the test grounds for all the disgusting sandwiches that KFC comes up with?

# ? Jul 26, 2019 01:48

El_Elegante: Jul 3, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Biscuit Hider

It�s zingers

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:14

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

El_Elegante posted:

It�s zingers

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:16

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

TheBizzness posted:

I don’t even know what “it’s way worse than aliens” could mean?

Is it the underground containment facility used to house monsters and appease ancient gods from Cabin in the Woods?

Are they running nazi like eugenics tests on minorities?

Is it the test grounds for all the disgusting sandwiches that KFC comes up with?

It's a post climate change apocalypse long term habitat that will save the elite of humanity but it's all ~~hairdressers and telephone sanitizers~~ Instagram influencers and Facebook executives.

I'd like to thank my phone for auto-capitalizing Instagram and Facebook, saving me from the trouble of making my obeisance on my behalf.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:20

El_Elegante: Jul 3, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Biscuit Hider

Solice Kirsk posted:

?

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:20

tactlessbastard: Feb 4, 2001; Godspeed, post; Fun Shoe

El_Elegante posted:

!

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:21

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

# ? Jul 26, 2019 02:44

McGavin: Sep 18, 2012

# ? Jul 26, 2019 08:00

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

# ? Jul 26, 2019 13:36

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

I was not behind this title change but I'm ok with it :golfclap:

I apparently wasn't supposed to say those last two were from the same person, sorry, but if it helps I doubt anyone will recognize you from both that wouldn't have recognized you from one :shrug:

I deal with these in the mornings before I've had caffeine, it's a problem sometimes

quote:

I work for the Department of Homeland Security, in a position where suffice it to say I have access to some pretty sensitive information. My wife does as well, though in a different section.

With jobs like ours, we're told repeatedly to leave it all at the office. Security procedures are incredibly stringent, they don't even want you talking about your work at home. But, hell, my wife and I both have the same clearances, our work often overlaps, and sometimes we discuss things - 'cases' wouldn't be the right word, but if it helps to think of it that way go ahead - between ourselves at home. Everyone does it, the bosses yell about it but no one actually does anything, it's no big deal.

Except for the kid.

He's my stepson, from my wife's first marriage, but that doesn't bother me, I love him like my own flesh and blood. But he's on the autism spectrum, and the doctors think he might have other mental health issues that his spectrum disorder is complicating. Since he hit his teenage years he's gotten more and more distant - I'd call it paranoid, but he doesn't think everyone is out to get him. Not everyone, just Them.

Well, to get to the point... his mom and I found out a few months ago that maybe we weren't as quiet and careful discussing work at home as we should have been, and he picked up a few little tidbits. Nothing major, nothing we'd lose our clearances over. Hell, some of the stuff he overheard wasn't even factual, just office in-jokes. But it turned out those little bits and bobs of 'intel' rattled around in his head a bit and came out... well...

He's been posting on a website, taking these scraps of data and turning them into a worldview that is incoherent at best and conspiratorial at worst, and his mom and I are scared to death about trying to stop him at this point because apparently people are reading this crap and getting ideas. He'd been posting for months by the time we found out, and now that we know, if we say anything public or even give our bosses a heads-up it is going to mean our jobs, because my stepson is QAnon.

Honestly this is the most believable conspiracy-adjacent fesh yet

quote:

I've been sleeping with my best friend for the last few weeks. We've always been close, but after she had a really emotional day we wound up drinking too much and she brought me home with her and kind of seduced me into "making her feel better." We've been having sex basically every couple of days since then. The hard part is that I'm just not that into her. I do love her, but I'm afraid she's going to wind up hating me at the end of all this when I eventually have to pull the plug. Honestly, I think I should have by now because I can't quite perform as well as I normally can because of the guilt and concern I'm feeling.

The snag is it's been nice being with someone that I feel close to. Like sleeping next to someone that I'm not trying to rush out of my apartment once we're done. It beats the crushing loneliness I've been feeling lately, and I'm afraid I'm going to let my own selfishness ruin our decade long friendship just because I don't want to feel alone anymore.

I'm seeing her again tomorrow so hopefully this gets posted so I can get some advice about whether I should keep it going since we've both agreed we're keeping it casual, or if I should end it before things get to a point where the friendship could possibly be at risk.

I mean, if she has agreed you're keeping it casual, it's probably ok
but if you're not enjoying it because of your guilt and concern you should probably talk to her about it

My vote is that you don't have to cut it off all at once but you should still have a big awkward chat about your feelings because you're clearly having trouble worrying about it

# ? Jul 26, 2019 13:40

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

NSA goons: just let him spin his wheels, I doubt anything will ever come from it.

Friend Banging Goon: I got some bad news for you, chances are that friendship isn't going to be the same at all even if you're both trying to keep it casual.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 20:23

sugar free jazz: Mar 5, 2008

Goon having sex with his best friend try cutting your dick off before you see her next, it'll show her in the strongest possible way that you want to just be friends. If you want to save your friendship cutting your dick off is probably the best way to go.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 20:33

Blaze Dragon: Aug 28, 2013; LOWTAX'S SPINE FUND

sugar free jazz posted:

Goon having sex with his best friend try cutting your dick off before you see her next, it'll show her in the strongest possible way that you want to just be friends. If you want to save your friendship cutting your dick off is probably the best way to go.

I feel like we haven't had this advice for quite a while. The thread felt weird without it, it's nice to see it back.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 21:36

Theotus: Nov 8, 2014

Sever. Your weiner.

# ? Jul 26, 2019 22:15

802.11weed: May 9, 2007; ^no

Cut off your peener and give it to her as a break up gift

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:11

Solice Kirsk: Jun 1, 2004; .

802.11weed posted:

Cut off your peener and give it to her as a break up gift

This is prefect advice.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 00:25

Atlas Hugged: Mar 12, 2007; Put your arms around me,
fiddly digits, itchy britches
I love you all

I like the idea that an autistic kid posting nonsense on the internet got a literal mob boss assassinated.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 11:48

El_Elegante: Jul 3, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Biscuit Hider

what a time to be alive

# ? Jul 27, 2019 14:03

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

Friend banger, if you feel guilty about it and want to stop, just try to get her in to some weirder poo poo. Like ask if she'll do some weird sexytime poo poo and up the ante until she stops wanting to bone. Then you can be all "well, you weren't in to it anymore, but hey thats cool Bro-ette".

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:11

El_Elegante: Jul 3, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Biscuit Hider

Yeah but then she calls you out of the blue to say �I am now ready to poo poo on your chest.�

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:24

wesleywillis: Dec 30, 2016; SUCK A MALE CAMEL'S DICK WITH MIRACLE WHIP!!

El_Elegante posted:

Yeah but then she calls you out of the blue to say �I am now ready to poo poo on your chest.�

THats why you say that you want to poo poo on HER chest.
"Come on babe, its just a Cleveland steamer...."

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:27

802.11weed: May 9, 2007; ^no

how�d i miss this line

Dream Jim the pokemon teacher strangled me to death

# ? Jul 27, 2019 18:39

The Management: Jan 2, 2010; sup, bitch?

You can go back to being just friends. It�s like being friends with an ex where things ended well. But if she was your friend because she really wanted more then it�s over.

# ? Jul 27, 2019 21:05

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

802.11weed posted:

how�d i miss this line

Dream Jim the pokemon teacher strangled me to death

# ? Jul 28, 2019 08:10

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

quote:

The recent confession about Area 51 made me feel the need to post, as someone who sometimes works out of Homey. It's just a research and development site for fancy new planes, and that's all it ever has been. We have some fairly crazy technology we've created that the public doesn't know about, but it's 100% terrestrial. Boring, I know.

I'm definitely chuckling a little bit thinking about a sea of 4chan nerds overwhelming all opposition and forcing their way into Area 51 after taking heavy losses, and finally being rewarded with the sight of a bunch of planes that don't work

quote:

I have a bizarre... I don�t want to say fetish because it�s not sexual. It�s closer to that weird baby monkey phenomenon from the last Anonymous Confession thread. Basically, whenever I see a cartoon baby crying, I enjoy it. Not real babies, that makes me feel bad, but cartoons like Dil Pickles or Stewie Griffin. I love the feeling of helplessness they must be going through that the only thing they have left to do is cry and scream. Again it�s not applicable to real babies, because my empathy kicks in and I feel genuinely bad. But seeing a fictional cute baby character in distress feels satisfying to me. It triggers some feeling of cruelty and power that I can�t quite explain. Jesus I need help.

yeah uh
hm

# ? Jul 29, 2019 13:42

DeadMansSuspenders: Jan 10, 2012; I wanna be your left hand man

Wonder what that person thinks of Yoshi's Island.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:20

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# ? May 23, 2024 10:02

Nocheez: Sep 5, 2000; Can you spare a little cheddar?; Nap Ghost

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

Wonder what that person thinks of Yoshi's Island.

# ? Jul 29, 2019 17:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Anonymous Confessions: I had an extremely weird dream that's going to become relevant

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