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Fwiw ultrasounds aren't foolproof- we literally just look between the legs. If we can. Baby could be in a less than ideal position and either the external genitals aren't clearly visible or we call it wrong. Your free fetal DNA blood tests are probably more sensitive in picking up baby's XX/XY chromosomes, assuming there's no variation in those (very rare but can happen).
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Aug 7, 2019 22:56
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KasioDiscoRock posted:I do know a lot of women who felt like it was easier to connect with the baby knowing the sex and having a name picked out, so that might make a difference to you as well. peanut posted:Just go for it. You don't need to share the results and it's important to discuss names. Counterpoint: I was "[female name]-or-[male name]" my entire fetal existence, to the point that my mom's obstetrician, during her followup visits, forgot that I was just [female name] and not still the paired names! You can still discuss names, pick out names, rule out names, all of that, without needing to find out. With all three of my children we had a pair of names picked before ultrasound could tell us which one we'd be using, though we're kind of an outlier in that regard. (It ended up being very fortunate that we'd done so, because my youngest child died at 22 weeks gestational age, and deciding on a name after I delivered her body would have been very difficult if not impossible. As it happened, it meant that the first thing I asked after the doctor cut the umbilical cord was "is it Caitlin or David?", and the nursing staff exclusively referred to her as Caitlin afterwards, which felt both respectful and consoling. (People anxious about miscarriage might not want to reveal the spoiler-tagged text.))
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Aug 8, 2019 17:38
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zonohedron posted:Counterpoint: I was "[female name]-or-[male name]" my entire fetal existence, to the point that my mom's obstetrician, during her followup visits, forgot that I was just [female name] and not still the paired names! You can still discuss names, pick out names, rule out names, all of that, without needing to find out. Agreed. I knew, my wife didn't, we just discussed and decided on two female and two male names, to pick from when our child was born. Related: little Zack was born just over three weeks ago! He's so adorable and perfect  I don't think I really posted in the thread during the pregnancy but I certainly read it the whole time. All y'all are wonderful people and this thread has been a great help, so thank you!
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Aug 8, 2019 17:50
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boquiabierta posted:Looking for advice on whether I should find out the baby's sex. I really wanted a boy. My husband wanted a girl. We had bloodwork done and when they called to tell me I had a voicemail in their system I called it because I was really nervous something was going to be wrong. I was at work in the locker room. I planned on hanging up before the end before she said the sex. When she started I went to hang up my phone and the screen wasn’t working, I couldn’t push hangup. I heard congratulations, it’s a girl!! And immediately was upset and cried. Everyone at work that I told was so excited that it helped me. Since my husband wanted a girl, I realized that I was giving him a gift. And that made me feel better. It took a little time to fully accept it. But I got there. Like everyone else has said it’s a tough personal choice. But for my personal experience, I’m glad I got over it before she was born. When she was finally out I didn’t have any negative feelings left. It was love at first sight.
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Aug 8, 2019 18:18
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Those that wanted a boy - why did you feel that way? I’m so used to craving a girl that it’s hard to wrap my head around why someone would want a boy. I have to admit that for me a huge part of wanting a daughter is that the girl clothes are just so adorable. And anecdotally most of the girls I know are much calmer/don’t tend to run off in parking lots.
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Aug 8, 2019 19:59
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I grew up very close to my brother and father. I was/am a bit of a tomboy. That’s why I wanted a boy.
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Aug 8, 2019 20:10
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I wanted a boy because being a girl in this world is tough. I had a really difficult relationship with my mom, I’ve been raped, I’ve been treated differently in certain situations because I’m a woman, where we used to live I didn’t go out at night because I was afraid, etc etc etc. All that stuff isn’t too uncommon, which is why I felt scared to have a girl, knowing all that could happen to her, too. Also boys tend to be somewhat easier as they get older and start to deal with independence and emotions. Not to mention all my friends were having baby boys and the thought of all our boys growing up together was appealing. Obviously my daughter may have a completely different (better) experience than I did, and boys really aren’t necessarily easier than girls, and my girl is going to grow up with a bunch of boys, and that’s fine. Now that she’s here, all I want to do is raise her to be a strong woman. She’s only four months old but I can already tell she’s going to be a tough cookie. There’s still some fear because life in general is more difficult for a woman, but I’m feeling a lot more positive about showing her that the world can be pretty great, too.
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Aug 8, 2019 20:52
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This is premature since we've only just started trying, but even with how poo poo the world is for women, I feel like I'm better prepared to raise a strong woman than a good man. I don't know what I'd do if my son was an incel or whatever the 2030s-40s equivalent will be. I'm married to a good man at least, even if he does joke I'm min-maxing my uterus because I'm using a tracking app and opk strips.
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Aug 8, 2019 21:42
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Because I didn’t know how awesome and amazing little girls could be until I had one.
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Aug 8, 2019 22:43
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Re: picking names without knowing sex I 100% agree that you don’t need to know the sex to pick names, we also had a short-list for each and chose after he was born. I’ve just had other mom-friends tell me that for them personally, being able to call the baby a specific name before birth made them feel more connected.
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Aug 9, 2019 03:29
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I wanted a girl and found out at 12 weeks we were having a boy. I was briefly disappointed then got over it. Wouldn't trade my small dude for anything.
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Aug 9, 2019 08:34
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Hi_Bears posted:Those that wanted a boy - why did you feel that way? This is exactly how I feel. I keep having to remind myself that I love my little nephew. Koivunen posted:I wanted a boy because being a girl in this world is tough. I hear this 100%, but I feel like it makes me feel the opposite -- I don't want to raise a boy because men are trash and responsible for the world's evils. NOT ALL MEN OBVIOUSLY
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Aug 9, 2019 10:47
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We both really wanted a girl, and getting the call with the NIPT test results at week 11 was maybe one of the best moments of my life. I feel like I had SO much support growing up- I was a girl good at math, so all my Teachers were cheerleaders for me, professors pulled me aside to encourage me to stick with math subjects, and now I work for a company desperate for diversity so I was promoted when I was still very young for the role. I don’t see boys getting that kind of encouragement. I’m not a men’s rights advocate or anything, but I do feel like our boys are getting left behind in the era of “girls can do anything!” Boys still can’t “do anything”, ask men in nursing or ballet. Unfortunately I don’t think being a boy makes you any more immune to getting raped  and boys who are raped face a much harsher social stigma than girls. 2019 is a great time to be a girl, but who can say what our society will look like in 20 years. I respect anyone who can handle raising boys these days. To us, it would be terrifying. I’m just starting 3rd trimester and finally my appetite is subsiding... but only because I get major pain in my ribs when I eat too much. I have been SO HUNGRY this whole pregnancy, every food is the best thing I’ve ever tasted (yes I have gained too much weight). Did anyone else get this rib pain? It’s on my left side near my sternum, I suspect it’s where my stomach has been jammed up into my ribcage. I’m a small person so it seems like there just isn’t a ton of space for all my displaced organs and they’re pushing on my ribs. Doctor didn’t think it was cause for alarm, offered to refer me for imaging but I said if he wasn’t scared of a known complication then I’m not either, pregnancy is just weird. But ugh is it annoying. Thank god for the pregnancy pillow!
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Aug 11, 2019 06:16
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Could it be gallstones? I got that in my first pregnancy.
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Aug 11, 2019 08:12
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Switchback posted:Did anyone else get this rib pain? It’s on my left side near my sternum, I suspect it’s where my stomach has been jammed up into my ribcage. Yup, on the occasions I ate too much I would spend the next few hours in deep regret, bending backwards to try and get more room and swearing I'd never do it again*. And yes it's pretty much bang on the stomach. * I did it again
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Aug 11, 2019 09:02
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Switchback posted:I respect anyone who can handle raising boys these days. To us, it would be terrifying. Well we didn’t choose to handle it, so yea. You may have gotten what you wanted but getting that NIPT call with a boy result was probably one of the worst moments of my life, so you really come off pretty insensitive and smug right now.
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Aug 11, 2019 19:33
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Switchback posted:Boys still can’t “do anything”, ask men in nursing or ballet. Not trying to start an argument, I’m only trying to give my reasons why having a girl is scary for me, but I disagree. I am a nurse and I also was a ballet dancer. Male nurses definitely get treated with more respect than female nurses, especially in areas where there is a lot of nurse/doctor interaction, like the ICU and ER. I have been in several situations as an ICU nurse where I wasn’t listened to by doctors, but if a male nurse backed me up, the doctor would give the male nurse credit for the good idea, good catch, good job, etc. Not all docs are like that, but it happens enough that it’s obvious that male nurses are treated like they are smarter. And male ballet dancers (adults anyway) are hot commodities and they know it. Nothing makes a person immune to being raped, but in the US, 1 in 6 women have been the victim of attempted or completed rape, where for men it’s 1 in 33. Not to mention sexual harassment happens all the time for girls and women. My daughter will be in situations where she is made to feel uncomfortable and unsafe, it’s guaranteed. I can teach her how to handle it, but it’s still going to happen, and she’s going to have to deal with those negative experiences. I can only protect her so much.
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Aug 11, 2019 21:42
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2019 is a great time to be a girl is the dumbest statement I've seen in a long time.
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Aug 11, 2019 22:03
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I think it's p good, have you considered living somewhere with fewer shitheads?
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Aug 11, 2019 23:44
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sheri posted:2019 is a great time to be a girl is the dumbest statement I've seen in a long time. Better now than it’s ever been in the past 🤷♀️ Hi_Bears posted:Well we didn’t choose to handle it, so yea. You may have gotten what you wanted but getting that NIPT call with a boy result was probably one of the worst moments of my life, so you really come off pretty insensitive and smug right now. Fair enough, I’m sorry for that. I support NIPT because I wanted the most time to handle my own emotions before delivering, rather than dealing with those feelings once I have a new baby in my arms. But everyone is different and deserves to make their own choice. I haaaated people’s stupid wild nonsense speculations about what gender my baby would be when science could tell me definitively pretty early on. Oh you’re hungry? You want to eat like a teenage boy, that means it’s a boy! Oh you like the fruits that taste sweet? Confirm girl. Nauseous but not vomiting? Surely this is a boy. It’s a girl, I can just tell!
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Aug 12, 2019 03:53
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Switchback posted:Better now than it’s ever been in the past 🤷♀️ Uh definitively and objectively getting worse in many ways, have you seen the state of abortion rights lately? Or the fact that maternal mortality in the U.S. is higher now than in the 80s? boquiabierta fucked around with this message at 07:37 on Aug 12, 2019 |
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Aug 12, 2019 07:31
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Stop this derail. Everyone has different opinions, perceptions, experiences and expectations.
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Aug 12, 2019 08:23
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Does anyone have suggestions on good pregnancy books that are available as audiobooks? My husband prefers them to regular books and I'm looking for options for him. I'm not sure I want to suggest dad-specific books though; the negative reviews of the top rated ones I looked at suggest they trade in gender essentialist bullshit.
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Aug 16, 2019 21:46
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Hi thread, I have a 5 week old girl. She's breastfed (gets some formula too, maybe 10%) and apparently healthy -- hasn't had her first big check up yet. She sleeps great at night, which should be a blessing, but on the flip side, she doesn't sleep during the day. She normally falls asleep between 10pm and 1am and wakes up between 6 and 10. We wake her up every 3-4 hours for feeding of course. During the day the only thing that can put her to sleep is carrying her around in a chest-carrier (I don't know what's it called in English). The rest of the time we try to entertain her or she cries. So while we're grateful for peaceful nights, we get desperate during the days. I work from home, grandma comes too so my wife isn't alone in this but it gets so tiring even with all the help. Wife will start working, I will have obligations too, grandma isn't all-powerful. There will soon be days when one of us is alone all day with a baby that starts crying seconds after you leave her on her own. Help!
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Aug 17, 2019 20:16
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^^^ sorry for no response, maybe try the parenting thread? Anyway, can we talk about pregnancy sex? I'm super frustrated with how my sexual response seems to be changing for the worse. I thought the increased blood flow would make things better but I'm finding that I have a really hard time reaching orgasm now, and when I do it's not very satisfying, more of a plateau than climax. I am on anti-depressants, which I would like to blame, except for a while on them I had no libido at all, and now I actually do want to have sex and do get aroused but then just... have a very difficult time. And then I get in my head about it and it makes it even worse. A friend of mine who was not on anti-depressants mentioned that it was harder for her to orgasm during pregnancy too, so I am wondering if it might be A Thing. Thoughts/advice? edit: small bird pudding posted:Does anyone have suggestions on good pregnancy books that are available as audiobooks? My husband prefers them to regular books and I'm looking for options for him. I'm not sure I want to suggest dad-specific books though; the negative reviews of the top rated ones I looked at suggest they trade in gender essentialist bullshit. I don't know about books that are available as audiobooks, but I would definitely not get any books that are dad-specific for exactly the reason you cited, unless it was vetted by a trusted feminist source. It won't kill them to read about what's happening to us, it'll be good for the partnership and will benefit them too. I just read "Like a Mother" by Angela Garbes and it was amazing and I'm making my husband read it too. Amazon does have it available as an audiobook! It's an excellent summary of a lot of important pregnancy and birth and postpartum stuff while not being overwhelming or judgmental and keeping a feminist, race-conscious lens too. Highly readable and enjoyable, recommended for anybody going through this and their partners. boquiabierta fucked around with this message at 11:36 on Aug 21, 2019 |
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Aug 21, 2019 11:23
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boquiabierta posted:^^^ sorry for no response, maybe try the parenting thread? FWIW I’ve noticed the same thing and I’m not on any medications. I’ve just accepted that it might be a pregnancy thing and hopefully things will return to normal after the pregnancy.
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Aug 21, 2019 12:21
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My wife noticed similar things and it definitely got better after, uh, well, after the exhaustion stopped being quite as rampant. And after the bits healed. But yeah the specific problem you're describing goes away. Bodies are weird!
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Aug 21, 2019 13:32
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Doctor Malaver posted:Hi thread, I have a 5 week old girl. She's breastfed (gets some formula too, maybe 10%) and apparently healthy -- hasn't had her first big check up yet. We had to wear my son for all his naps from 6-11 weeks, it was brutal. All you can do is practice laying them down for naps (while they’re still awake) to try to teach them to fall asleep on their own. Is she falling asleep independently at bedtime? That’s the best place to start. Once they learn that skill, and the predictable routine that leads up to sleepy time, it gets a lot easier. Also use a white noise machine and blackout shades for naps as well as night sleep.
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Aug 21, 2019 13:48
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boquiabierta posted:^^^ sorry for no response, maybe try the parenting thread? This is definitely A Thing That Happens, and it goes back to normal a few months postpartum. Another one of those weird pregnancy things that won’t last forever! Hi_Bears posted:Is she falling asleep independently at bedtime? That’s the best place to start. Everything a new parent will read regarding sleep suggests having your kid fall asleep on their own, but it’s not a bad thing if your baby falls asleep while nursing or being held. Your baby needs to trust that you are there for them, and if that means they need to be close to you to fall asleep, that’s fine. If their emotional needs are being met, they have that much more room to learn and grow. If holding your baby until they fall asleep fits with your lifestyle, I repeat, there’s nothing wrong with providing that comfort for your baby. Koivunen fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Aug 21, 2019 |
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Aug 21, 2019 15:49
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Yes it’s all about what works for your lifestyle. If rocking to sleep, cosleeping, nursing to sleep works for you then great. We coslept until moving baby to his own room at 3 months bc it was the only way to get some sleep. But having him sleep in his own room and not having to nurse/rock to sleep is the only way I retain some sanity and carve back some adult time at the end of the day. But I’m a mean mommy that fervently believes in cry it out 
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Aug 21, 2019 17:23
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Hi_Bears posted:Also use a white noise machine and blackout shades for naps as well as night sleep. I heard to keep the room normally bright during naps or babycakes might get the daily cycle mixed up. At least, while adjusting for serious jetlag, we keep the room bright during the day and dim and quiet at night, even if they're ready to play at 3am.
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Aug 21, 2019 23:35
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peanut posted:I heard to keep the room normally bright during naps or babycakes might get the daily cycle mixed up. At least, while adjusting for serious jetlag, we keep the room bright during the day and dim and quiet at night, even if they're ready to play at 3am. Yea I think that’s helpful for the initial day/night reversal stage but seems like OP is beyond that if nighttime sleep is good
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Aug 22, 2019 02:09
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Hi_Bears posted:We had to wear my son for all his naps from 6-11 weeks, it was brutal. All you can do is practice laying them down for naps (while they’re still awake) to try to teach them to fall asleep on their own. Is she falling asleep independently at bedtime? That’s the best place to start. Once they learn that skill, and the predictable routine that leads up to sleepy time, it gets a lot easier. Also use a white noise machine and blackout shades for naps as well as night sleep. So he napped well until he was 6 weeks old and then started requiring carrying? She sometimes falls asleep on her own if it's late at night. Other times we have to carry her and she falls asleep and we put her to bed. We try that a lot during day too but the result is that she wakes up in 5 minutes. I heard so many times that we're so lucky to have peaceful nights, that I'm reluctant about sleep during day. If she starts sleeping from 3 to 4 pm, maybe she'll be awake from 3 to 4 am. I don't even know what I'm asking about. Some magic trick to keep the baby awake but occupied during the day? The thought of weeks/months/years of entertaining and carrying the baby for ~14 hours a day is making me depressed. How do people decide to have a second child, or more? Sorry for the rant. I'm aware that we have it better than many parents.
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Aug 23, 2019 20:50
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Yes it was like a switch flipped at 6 weeks and he became fussy (it was his first leap if you believe in those). People often say sleep begets sleep so napping won’t necessarily impact night sleep, as long as you don’t let them sleep ALL day. Napping an hour here and there will be a net positive. We used to have to wear him to sleep and then transfer him to our bed but one day I decided to try a bedtime routine and put him down awake and shockingly it worked. I had to rock his body back and forth while shoving a pacifier in his mouth and going “shhhhh” in his ear but he started sleeping on his own.
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Aug 23, 2019 21:40
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Yeah at 6 weeks was when I had to start wearing for naps during the day too. It continued like that for most naps until I got some help at a sleep school with routines and settling techniques.
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Aug 23, 2019 22:25
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Doctor Malaver posted:So he napped well until he was 6 weeks old and then started requiring carrying? For both my son and daughter around 2 months they stopped napping on their own and would only get in a good nap if we were holding them. Around 5-6 months it was like the switch flipped again and they started napping on their own again. I know how frustrating it is and it feels like you’ll never be able to put them down, but they both grew out of it. My daughter is almost nine months now and she will actively fight sleep if we’re holding her. So hang in there, it will get better!
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Aug 23, 2019 22:30
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10 month old won’t nap longer than 15-30 minutes during the day. You know she needs her power nap when she’s cranky. When she wakes up she’s back to her normal happy mood. She’s never been a strong napper, and when she started sleeping at night at 13 weeks or so (I think) the naps really took a hit. We don’t gently caress with this. Pediatrician said she is healthy, and if she’s not cranky it’s what she wants to do and it’s perfectly fine because she’s sleeping 10-12 at night (straight through with a rare wake up). He said the only downside is that from a parenting standpoint, it doesn’t leave much time to get stuff done because she’s not passed out and is requiring entertainment. I’m ok with that because daycare is paid to manage that, not me. Which leaves the weekends sometimes crazy because she needs entertained while she’s awake. To me it was a matter of finding the right toys that keep her attention. Handmade toys are actually what I’ve found are the best for her. Husband made her a sensory bottle. A small apple juice bottle that fits her hand filled with rice. I swear she was shaking that thing yesterday while I got ready for work with expert rhythm that I thought husband was doing it.
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Aug 24, 2019 01:35
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Did anyone else here have an induction that failed to progress? After 15 hours in labor after a foley balloon and pitocin I had only dilated to 4cm. My baby's heart rate and my bp kept dropping,they'd stop the pit,change my position and after so long of that I had to have a c-section. I ended up bleeding pretty badly. Pretty sure they had to massage my uterus,give me hemabate,methergine and cytotec. My bp had dropped,I kept feeling like I was falling asleep and not being able to breath. I heard the doctors talk about getting a transfusion kit ready but thankfully they stopped it before that. My little miss was small,smaller than what the ultrasound a week before said,but besides her blood sugar being low she was healthy. Since week 33 I had been having regular ultrasounds,nst twice a week and seeing high risk doctors due to iugr. I feel like it's my fault she was tiny,I feel so guilty even though I know I didn't do anything to cause it.. Is that normal? Is normal to feel sad about not being able to have had a vaginal birth? Is it just my hormones right now?
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Aug 24, 2019 03:08
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Its normal to feel sad especially right after birth. Your hormones are ridiculous for a few weeks.
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Aug 24, 2019 03:50
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It’s totally normal to feel sad when birth didn’t go the way you wanted. People will say “at least you have a healthy baby” but for me, that only made me feel guilty about feeling sad. Not helpful at all. It’s also totally normal to feel sad about the birth for a long time, because you’re mourning the loss of an experience that you had hoped for. It’s absolutely not your fault that things didn’t progress or that you ended up getting a c section. If there were heart rate and blood pressure problems, it would have been super dangerous to continue to try for a vaginal delivery. It’s not like those are factors you can control! If you find yourself feeling sad or depressed about your birth experience several months down the line, look into birth trauma help.
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Aug 24, 2019 04:08
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