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bamhand posted:No, this would be the same treatment as straight people. It would be frowned on for a straight couple to make a big announcement on somebody else's wedding day. They're free to do it any other day except for that one. do you not understand that a same sex couple coming to a wedding shouldn't be seen as more of a 'big announcement' as a straight couple? or you're just saying homophobic people will see it that way and we need to conduct ourselves in a way that doesn't ruffle their feathers
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Aug 19, 2019 18:52
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Update. My parents joined a new age cult and tried to drag me to a compound against my will. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/ccd4vh/fl_my_parents_have_joined_some_new_age_religion/ Since my last post got popular and people still seem interested in my situation I thought I would give you guys a update on everything. It's been over a month and i'm sorry i kept you guys waiting. things were pretty crazy and my therapist said it probably wasn't the best idea to rant about it online till I felt ready. Well, now that i'm settled down a bit I feel like it might be good to get this off my chest anyway. Sorry if this disappoints you guys though as my dad says I should not include any personal details for fear of leaking my identity (so even though I know the group now I won't be naming them for fear of it getting back to me). So after I stayed the night with my friends family my mom and step dad tried to get me to come back home immediately. My dad said not to go so I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay the rest of this day and I would come home that night. This plan didn't work out very well though as my sisters dad called the police to report that he couldn't contact my sister and was afraid she was kidnapped. It didn't take long before my mom caught on that I was the one who leaked to him their plans and they freaked out. My mom then came to my friends house and tried to force her way in to take me because I had been "corrupted" and needed to be locked away from bad influences till we left for the compound. My friends parents called the police and I called my dad and he got to talk to my mom. I'll leave it short and say this was a nightmare situation that almost ended with my mom being charged with trespassing. My mom and dad argued on the phone for over 3 hours outside of my friends house. In the end my dad made it so I would not have to go with them but the only "safe" place my mom would agree to me staying is with my uncle 4 hours away. I stayed with him for over a week and it was the worst week of my life. My mom called me constantly to try to talk to me and "save me from the evil energies my father had possessed me with.: My step father also began to send me various threats and told me that at the end of the month I was coming no matter what. After a week of this, everything changed. My mom stopped calling me, my stepdad stopped texting and they went quiet for 4 days. Me, my uncle, my dad, all of them couldn't reach them. My sisters dad also stopped being able to reach them. During this time my mom bought my sister a plane ticket home and my sisters dad only learned of this when he got a call after my parents dropped my sister off at the airport. After this my mom called me one last time. She proceeded to tell me that she had been meditating, praying to my guardian spirits daily, and talking to the "leaders". All to to help me "open my third eye to see the truth and understand I was being used by evil."During these sessions apparently she finally "realized the truth" and saw me for the "evil spawn I was." According to her I am a "evil seed" and that I not only was brought here to bring evil spirits onto her and her "good children". I also infected the womb and corrupted my sister. She told me to send my uncle down and pick up all of my "worldly possessions" that were infected and to not come with him or ever contact her or her family again. She ended by telling me that I was never her child and that she hopes "the universe deals with me". The last contact I know about was her telling my dad she wants to revoke her parental rights. At the end of last month they moved to the compound with my 3 step siblings. I moved out to live with my dad and have been in therapy since then. Things are still pretty raw right now and I really don't feel like getting into the emotions I feel towards this. But I feel like at least updating this may be a start. Thank you everyone who gave advice and sent me kind messages on here offering help. I really do appreciate it 
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Aug 19, 2019 18:52
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Leon Einstein posted:Big deal if the bro wants to bring his boyfriend. Is he doesn't make an announcement are you guys ok with it? well yeah exactly too, he's not going to stand on a podium and clear his throat and say "excuse me wedding goers, please to be informed that i am incredibly gay", he's just...bringing his boyfriend
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Aug 19, 2019 18:53
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Having your brother come out at your wedding means you can keep that sweet homophobe money guiltlessly after you cut off anyone who has an issue. So that goes in the pro column.
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Aug 19, 2019 18:54
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bamhand posted:No, this would be the same treatment as straight people. It would be frowned on for a straight couple to make a big announcement on somebody else's wedding day. They're free to do it any other day except for that one. There have literally been stories ITT where the thread called straight people assholes for trying to spring surprise boyfriends/girlfriends on a wedding.
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Aug 19, 2019 18:55
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AITA for squirting Kool-Aid in a stranger's minivan? This happened over a decade ago when I was 12/13 years old. I used to walk home from middle school every single day. Not out of necessity, but because it made me feel independent and I liked talking to my friends. Accompanying me every day was a close buddy of mine who walked home out of necessity - he couldn't get a ride home most days. Bit of a wild kid but harmless. While walking home one day, we were going down a quarter mile stretch of a residential area. It got a good amount of traffic after school so cars would drive by pretty slowly. A minivan pulled up with a mom and two kids younger than us, a daughter younger by a year and son maybe in 2nd or 3rd grade. Windows rolled down. My friend, trying to be funny I guess, asked if we could get a ride. They said no. He flipped the middle finger at them. They flipped it back and drove off. Over the course of the next two weeks, they would drive past us on that same stretch of road with the windows rolled down, every single day. The kids would laugh at us for walking home and flip the middle finger at us. Obviously the mother encouraged it since she made a point to slow down next to us and then speed off. Gotta admit it was funny at first but after the third time it got pretty old. I wanted to figure out a way to get them to stop. My buddy always had a pack of Kool-Aid or Capri sun to drink on the walk home from school so I had a lightbulb moment and decided a plan at lunch time. The next day while walking home I grabbed his Kool-Aid pouch, stuck the straw in, and as they drove by I aimed towards the window and fired a huge shot of Kool-Aid straight into the open passenger side window where the daughter sat. The goal was to get it in the girl's mouth while she was laughing at us because that would be pretty funny, but it missed and went all over the dashboard. It must have been about half of the pouch. The mom slammed on her brakes, jumped out of the car and screamed at me. My buddy ran off down the street and waited for me near his house. I guess he felt bad for running off or just wanted to hear what happened. The mom told me she'd call the cops if we ever did that again and all that jive. They never harassed us again after this. Let me be clear that I think the mom is a definite rear end hole for what she was doing. And my buddy is definitely an rear end hole for flipping them off and running away when the Kool-Aid happened. AITA for squirting Kool-Aid in this woman's minivan?
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Aug 19, 2019 18:56
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ulex minor posted:do you not understand that a same sex couple coming to a wedding shouldn't be seen as more of a 'big announcement' as a straight couple? or you're just saying homophobic people will see it that way and we need to conduct ourselves in a way that doesn't ruffle their feathers I mean if you're saying coming out should be ignored and unacknowledged by everyone then sure. Like if the correct response to someone coming out is "Oh ok, that's nice." and then not mentioning or discussing it for the rest of the day. ulex minor posted:well yeah exactly too, he's not going to stand on a podium and clear his throat and say "excuse me wedding goers, please to be informed that i am incredibly gay", he's just...bringing his boyfriend I was working under the assumption that everyone would want to voice their support for him etc upon finding out he's gay. bamhand fucked around with this message at 18:58 on Aug 19, 2019 |
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Aug 19, 2019 18:56
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this just in: citizens reel at shocking news that moral actions are not always convenient! tune in after the break to find out more
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Aug 19, 2019 18:57
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What's the rationale for not coming out before the wedding? How is doing it there in any way more comfortable or easier to manage than doing so in the ample time he had beforehand? The comfort idea seems like bullshit when the news seems like it'll cause more drama for everyone involved by doing it on a day that is always a huge multiplier for drama.
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Aug 19, 2019 18:57
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bamhand posted:I mean if you're saying coming out should be ignored and unacknowledged by everyone then sure. Like if the correct response to someone coming out is "Oh ok, that's nice." and then not mentioning or discussing it for the rest of the day. if you look at the original post he explicitly is worried that the reaction will be negative, he's not worried everyone will be all "oh wow, that's so amazing for you" he's worried they'll be disgusted
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Aug 19, 2019 19:00
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Squashing Machine posted:What's the rationale for not coming out before the wedding? How is doing it there in any way more comfortable or easier to manage than doing so in the ample time he had beforehand? The comfort idea seems like bullshit when the news seems like it'll cause more drama for everyone involved by doing it on a day that is always a huge multiplier for drama. I'm not going to cry for people who are offended by a gay dude coming out at a wedding. Like, why even vaguely care? May as wonder why they aren't accommodating horrible racists/transphobes who are against a hypothetical interracial couple or transgender maid of honor. Always side with those who are morally superior, not capitulate to horrid bigots.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:02
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ulex minor posted:if you look at the original post he explicitly is worried that the reaction will be negative, he's not worried everyone will be all "oh wow, that's so amazing for you" he's worried they'll be disgusted I'm still not sure why he can't come out before the wedding and then they can just ban all the lovely people who were disgusted from showing up.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:03
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Squashing Machine posted:What's the rationale for not coming out before the wedding? How is doing it there in any way more comfortable or easier to manage than doing so in the ample time he had beforehand? The comfort idea seems like bullshit when the news seems like it'll cause more drama for everyone involved by doing it on a day that is always a huge multiplier for drama. He's not making any announcements at all, so who cares? Literally the only people that will give a poo poo and create drama are the homophobes. How do you guys propose he announce to all the wedding atendees he is gay before the wedding?
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Aug 19, 2019 19:04
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Squashing Machine posted:What's the rationale for not coming out before the wedding? How is doing it there in any way more comfortable or easier to manage than doing so in the ample time he had beforehand? The comfort idea seems like bullshit when the news seems like it'll cause more drama for everyone involved by doing it on a day that is always a huge multiplier for drama. someone turning up with a same sex partner only causes drama for homophobes. why should it be dramatic unless you are scandalised by the idea of gay people?
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Aug 19, 2019 19:05
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The wedding situation sucks because the brother wanted to come out to everyone during a time which he thinks is safe and the whole family is together and everyone can celebrate together. But as much as i think as weddings are dumb, needlessly high-stress events that people need to chill out on, taking away focus from the bride and groom is bad form. It loving sucks even just showing up with his boyfriend has to be taken as a bold statement that will offend the sensibilities of the feeble minded, but this is the loving world that heteros have molded. It loving sucks thay they have to tiptoe around the feelings of homophobes just so the couple can have their day, but it really is their day. I won't poo poo on the brother too much for wanting to pick a celebration of this magnitude instead of coming out months ago, because coming out is a big thing for anyone who doesn't feel safe enough. Which is why the brother should come out today. Not during the wedding, but before it. That way he won't be intentionally taking away focus from the bride and groom at the wedding. The onus of drama will now be on the homophobic family members instead. Either they shut up for the wedding or they become the assholes at the wedding.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:07
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bamhand posted:I'm still not sure why he can't come out before the wedding and then they can just ban all the lovely people who were disgusted from showing up. 'hey, heads up, my brother is going to bring an Indonesian girl to the wedding, nope out if you're not okay with that'
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Aug 19, 2019 19:07
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ulex minor posted:someone turning up with a same sex partner only causes drama for homophobes. why should it be dramatic unless you are scandalised by the idea of gay people? someone in your family turning up with a same sex partner for the first time causes drama (not necessarily negative drama, but drama nevertheless) for pretty much everyone. it is considered rude to knowingly create drama of any kind at a person's wedding because all the attention is supposed to be on the couple getting married. you're trying to make this an argument about homophobia but it's actually about human social behavior. please respond to this: bamhand posted:I mean if you're saying coming out should be ignored and unacknowledged by everyone then sure. Like if the correct response to someone coming out is "Oh ok, that's nice." and then not mentioning or discussing it for the rest of the day. is that the desired response to coming out? is that the way you really expect the brother's coming-out to go, regardless of the number of homophobes in attendance?
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Aug 19, 2019 19:11
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:I'm not going to cry for people who are offended by a gay dude coming out at a wedding. Like, why even vaguely care? May as wonder why they aren't accommodating horrible racists/transphobes who are against a hypothetical interracial couple or transgender maid of honor. Always side with those who are morally superior, not capitulate to horrid bigots. The reality is that coming out is considered a Big Moment in someone's life, and being a good sibling usually means not scheduling Big Moments during your sibling's wedding. In the perfect hypothetical world, this wouldn't be a blip on the radar. But the current way we handle someone publicly coming out for the first time is to do our best to shower them with support, which is inevitably going to be a huge distraction from the wedding. Even if the reaction was going to be universally positive, it would still be unfair to the couple to decide that this is the only possible time you could do this after waffling for years.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:11
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AITA for looking up the price of my engagement ring and then calling out my husband’s lie about how much it costs? My husband and I have been married for about 2 years, with him proposing about 3 years ago. After we got engaged, a couple of people suggested I get my engagement ring insured. Husband bought the ring from a well-known chain jewelry store and has a warranty on it that covers damages but it wouldn’t be covered in the event that it was lost or stolen. I considered getting the ring itself insured but our renter’s insurance covers up to a couple of thousand dollars in jewelry so I figured additional insurance would only be worth it if the ring was valued well over that amount. Now I had an idea what the ring costs just from owning jewelry all my life and didn’t think it was more than that, but just to be sure I looked up the ring on the jewelry chain’s website rather than bring it to be appraised. I was right that our renter’s insurance was enough to cover the cost of the ring if it was stolen so I left it at that. Well a few weeks ago my SIL (husband’s sister) gets engaged to her long-time boyfriend and he proposes with a massive diamond that his whole family is still talking about. It is a beautiful ring and I told her and her fiancé that when they showed us at dinner. My husband immediately got defensive and started to say that even though my ring is smaller, he still paid a lot of money for it. I said I know and I love it and me complimenting his sister’s ring was not a knock against my own ring. For whatever reason, on our way home, he tells me he paid X amount of dollars for the ring and that’s all he could afford. But I know for a fact that’s not what he paid because I had previously looked it up. In fact, he more than doubled the actual price of the ring. I asked him if that was truly what he paid and he questioned why I was asking and I told him how I had looked into the price of the ring after he initially gave it to me for insurance purposes and it was listed at half that amount online. He then started saying well actually it wasn’t X amount, it was maybe Y amount, but really maybe Z amount on sale, etc. I just kind of nodded and decided to move on because it was clear he was lying and the price doesn’t matter to me and I didn't want to make him feel bad. He then angrily demanded to know why I looked up the price in the first place. I again explained about the insurance and told him that if I did get it insured, I would have had to have it appraised anyway and would know the cost. He’s still upset with me for doing this and thinks I think the ring is cheap and only looked it up to prove how cheap it was. This, of course, is not true, I love my ring and have always said so, but my husband is very annoyed I "went out of my way" to find the cost. So AITA for looking up the price of my engagement ring and then calling out my husband’s lie about how much it costs? Should I have just let him lie about it so he wouldn't feel embarrassed?
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Aug 19, 2019 19:13
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there is no neutral position here. it sucks that many people have people they love that are bigoted, and I can understand why they keep them in their life. still not good to tolerate bigots and allow them to have a normal social life, but very understandable. but once a situation like this happens, you have to make a choice, and that choice will inherently reveal who is more important to you and how strong your moral convictions actually are.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:14
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ulex minor posted:someone turning up with a same sex partner only causes drama for homophobes. why should it be dramatic unless you are scandalised by the idea of gay people? You... do understand how drama works, right? If someone gets offended and makes a scene, or even just starts making lovely comments, that's drama for everybody and not just them. Yeah, ideally those people shouldn't be there in the first place, but what are they supposed to do? Just arbitrarily start banning anyone who might be homophobic? If someone is homophobic but loves their grandson/nephew enough to accept him one of the good ones, do they get banned on general principle or do they get to come and support the groom and his gay brother? What if someone privately has no problem with gay people but is willing to nod along with their lovely relatives' anti-LGBT opinions? Not that any of this matters since no one in this story is psychic and they have no way of knowing which relatives would theoretically be able to behave, and they can't ask them to self-select because the brother isn't out yet. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Aug 19, 2019 19:16
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Sagebrush posted:is that the desired response to coming out? is that the way you really expect the brother's coming-out to go, regardless of the number of homophobes in attendance? i would be really touched if my brother chose my wedding as the time to bring someone he loved to meet my family, it would make the day more special to me honestly - and after I answered your question could you answer mine, if you had a racist family, do you think it's okay to say you can't bring someone of a different race to a wedding as your partner? or is it just that we accept it's okay to be homophobic, like, *obviously* it would be awful to accommodate racists but we just have to accept that people still hate the gays, you're being silly if you don't understand that.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:17
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a million posts that boil down to 'accept that society is homophobic and placate that'
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Aug 19, 2019 19:18
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You guys act like most weddings are drama free. Someone will get shitfaced and act foolish anyway, so let the bro bring his bf.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:19
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:once a situation like this happens, you have to make a choice, and that choice will inherently reveal who is more important to you and how strong your moral convictions actually are. it's not selfish to want your wedding day to be about yourself instead of turning into a legendary family drama bomb
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Aug 19, 2019 19:19
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Straight White Shark posted:Just arbitrarily start banning anyone who might be homophobic? yes??
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Aug 19, 2019 19:19
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Sagebrush posted:it's not selfish to want your wedding day to be about yourself instead of turning into a legendary family drama bomb it turns into a drama bomb because your family HATES GAY PEOPLE jesus
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Aug 19, 2019 19:21
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If you haven't pre-pruned people from your life that cause drama by the time you get married you've done it wrong. You don't have to worry about how your racist friend from school will act at your wedding because he hasn't been your friend since you found out he was racist. You don't need to worry about how your homophobic mom will react because you've already cut her out of your life over that long ago.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:21
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someone else's wedding: just another front in the culture war
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Aug 19, 2019 19:21
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ulex minor posted:yes?? Ok, so call the wedding off and have a courthouse ceremony with brother as witness I guess.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:21
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Sagebrush posted:it's not selfish to want your wedding day to be about yourself instead of turning into a legendary family drama bomb maybe this is the one-of-twenty-cousins talking but I'd much rather my wedding be remembered as the Great Culling Of Chuds than be some boring thing everyone but my parents forgets about
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Aug 19, 2019 19:22
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Straight White Shark posted:Ok, so call the wedding off and have a courthouse ceremony with brother as witness I guess. did you see yourself typing out the words 'arbitrarily' and 'homophobic' as if they were unrelated concepts
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Aug 19, 2019 19:24
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hawowanlawow posted:someone else's wedding: just another front in the culture war My brother got married today. Or maybe yesterday, I don't know. I received a telegram from the courthouse.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:25
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MagusofStars posted:Can someone more tech savvy than me explain what the gently caress the point of this is? Like, is it intended to track the stuff in your wallet? If so, why not just open the wallet itself? it's so you can go ooh aah at the new technological novelty, while allowing a for profit company to invasively track some aspect of your life so they can sell that data to a marketing firm down the road see also smart thermostats, smart refrigerators, smart toothbrushes, smart speakers, smart watches, etc.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:26
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if a drama free wedding is so important to you that you’re willing to keep your brother in the closet to placate homophobes, who are by definition bad people, and who have the option to simply not comment on your brother and his partner, you are not a good person!
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Aug 19, 2019 19:27
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Hugely controversial opinion: Banning homophobes and people who support/justify/excuse their behavior from important family/friend events is a valuable, moral action to take 10/10 times.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:28
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DragQueenofAngmar posted:if a drama free wedding is so important to you that you’re willing to keep your brother in the closet to placate homophobes, who are by definition bad people, and who have the option to simply not comment on your brother and his partner, you are not a good person!
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Aug 19, 2019 19:28
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I [26M] am so lonely in my marriage and I want to seek attention elsewherequote:I’m a 26 year old man with a two year old daughter. I love my wife and my child and will be devoted to them as long as I am physically able. But I am so lonely in my marriage. quote:Oh, so divorce isn't an option but loving other people is.
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Aug 19, 2019 19:28
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for looking up the price of my engagement ring and then calling out my husband’s lie about how much it costs? G-g-g-guillotine! 
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Aug 19, 2019 19:29
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ulex minor posted:i would be really touched if my brother chose my wedding as the time to bring someone he loved to meet my family, it would make the day more special to me honestly - and after I answered your question could you answer mine, if you had a racist family, do you think it's okay to say you can't bring someone of a different race to a wedding as your partner? or is it just that we accept it's okay to be homophobic, like, *obviously* it would be awful to accommodate racists but we just have to accept that people still hate the gays, you're being silly if you don't understand that. you didn't answer the question at all. you made up a hypothetical and answered something else. do you think that the brother coming out at the wedding would be generally taken in stride and ignored, that people would immediately go back to paying attention to the wedding and not talk about the brother's sexual orientation at all? and your interracial dating comparison is a false analogy. this isn't about him bringing a boy to the wedding, it's about him announcing something powerful and unexpected about himself at someone else's event. it sucks that in this case the powerful and unexpected thing is a fundamental part of his person but it doesn't change the expected social outcomes. DemoneeHo posted:Which is why the brother should come out today. Not during the wedding, but before it. That way he won't be intentionally taking away focus from the bride and groom at the wedding. The onus of drama will now be on the homophobic family members instead. Either they shut up for the wedding or they become the assholes at the wedding. yep. TheScott2K posted:maybe this is the one-of-twenty-cousins talking but I'd much rather my wedding be remembered as the Great Culling Of Chuds than be some boring thing everyone but my parents forgets about i mean that's a fair way to look at it too
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Aug 19, 2019 19:29
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