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BadSamaritan posted:All this is ridiculous considering almost the entirety of breastfeeding’s benefits are impossible to untangle from socioeconomic factors in the existing studies. Not nearly enough of a clear benefit to give women this much drat grief over. The older I get and the more life experiences I have, the more angry and feminist I become.
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Sep 4, 2019 17:35
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Renegret posted:holy poo poo It was their way of documenting that they had given sufficient advice regarding the benefits of breastfeeding to make sure they keep their BFHI certification. Basically, Alterian posted:The older I get and the more life experiences I have, the more angry and feminist I become.
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Sep 4, 2019 17:40
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Is this the parenting thread or the feminist rights thread? Let’s get back to talking about parenting. Sorry I offended anyone with my beliefs. I don’t consider myself to be a misogynist but that was a pretty funny PM so thanks I guess.
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Sep 4, 2019 17:53
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Sarah posted:Is this the parenting thread or the feminist rights thread? How about both? Feminism is a large part of a lot of people's parenting and beliefs/values.
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Sep 4, 2019 17:55
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I didn't know a BFHI certification was a thing but suddenly this all makes a lot more sense. I was getting ready to fight for formula because they didn't provide it right away, but one of the nurses slipped us a box like we were making a drug deal when she saw the difficulties we were having. The next shift got really mad when she saw me with it lol.
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Sep 4, 2019 17:56
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Sarah posted:Is this the parenting thread or the feminist rights thread? Let’s get back to talking about parenting. Don't think I mentioned "feminist rights" in our conversation on parenting a fresh baby in a hospital but sure
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Sep 4, 2019 18:02
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Sarah posted:Is this the parenting thread or the feminist rights thread? Let’s get back to talking about parenting. You don’t realize that this is a discussion of some of the pressures around one of the first major parenting decisions people make? Hm.
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Sep 4, 2019 18:03
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Can’t we all just get along, parenting is hard and being a new parent is terrifying, so could we all agree at least that hospitals shouldn’t be putting pressure on new moms about breastfeeding, or making either new parent feel bad about anything in one of the most life-changing experiences a person can have after puberty makes reproduction possible?
life is killing me fucked around with this message at 18:13 on Sep 4, 2019 |
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Sep 4, 2019 18:11
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I appreciate this thread. No matter how it'll get, it'll never get as bad as the mommy facebook groups my wife is on where they fight over Vitamin K shots.
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Sep 4, 2019 18:16
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Renegret posted:I appreciate this thread. No matter how it'll get, it'll never get as bad as the mommy facebook groups my wife is on where they fight over Vitamin K shots. I don't remember the name of it, but my wife showed me a working moms subreddit that was full of the most toxic and vile bullshit I've seen in a long time. Definitely appreciate this thread.
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Sep 4, 2019 18:31
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The Fool posted:I don't remember the name of it, but my wife showed me a working moms subreddit that was full of the most toxic and vile bullshit I've seen in a long time. Yesterday my wife showed me a post from some woman who's 2.5 year old would yell and hit her whenever she was upset. Whenever it happened, the mom would freak out and just shut down emotionally and physically. Imagine being bullied by your 2 year old. And the 2 year old winning.
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Sep 4, 2019 18:40
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My son had to spend a night under the bili lights when he was 5 days old due to jaundice. On our way to the hospital, as I was in the back seat freaking out that we’d already given our son brain damage (he’s fine, btw), my husband fell asleep behind the wheel at a red light. Thankfully nothing bad happened, but the push to guilt parents into making every possible sacrifice for their kids has tangible risks that should be considered alongside the benefits.
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Sep 4, 2019 21:24
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in_cahoots posted:My son had to spend a night under the bili lights when he was 5 days old due to jaundice. On our way to the hospital, as I was in the back seat freaking out that we’d already given our son brain damage (he’s fine, btw), my husband fell asleep behind the wheel at a red light. Thankfully nothing bad happened, but the push to guilt parents into making every possible sacrifice for their kids has tangible risks that should be considered alongside the benefits. Yeah I mean, I totally support having kids in with parents as much as possible while in the hospital, but for the love of all that is good, Mom just spent hours in labor with little to no sleep and Dad got almost as little sleep while being mostly functionally useless in the delivery room. Mom and Dad are both going to get months on end with Babby in their room and waking up multiple times a night to feed Babby, not sure why it has to start immediately after an exhausting few hours to days when Mom needs to recover from pushing Babby out her vagina and Dad needs sleep so he can also function to help Mom. Bonding is going to happen during the day, at night Babby is busy falling asleep at the boob or bottle so while I can only imagine that bonding is the reason they want Babby in with parents at all times, they push a little hard and fast for it.
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Sep 5, 2019 01:31
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life is killing me posted:Yeah I mean, I totally support having kids in with parents as much as possible while in the hospital, but for the love of all that is good, Mom just spent hours in labor with little to no sleep and Dad got almost as little sleep while being mostly functionally useless in the delivery room. Mom and Dad are both going to get months on end with Babby in their room and waking up multiple times a night to feed Babby, not sure why it has to start immediately after an exhausting few hours to days when Mom needs to recover from pushing Babby out her vagina and Dad needs sleep so he can also function to help Mom. Bonding is going to happen during the day, at night Babby is busy falling asleep at the boob or bottle so while I can only imagine that bonding is the reason they want Babby in with parents at all times, they push a little hard and fast for it. Yep. My wife tried to breastfeed and did for about a month but in the hospital just wasn’t having much luck. Our son lost a few ounces and when our discharge day came he was just barely heavy enough in the car seat to pass the weight limit. We didn’t do formula because she was producing enough milk but it was a catholic hospital and it definitely seemed like they were pushing breastfeeding on us. They kept saying to get our sleep but every other hour we had housekeeping coming in to get the trash or residents and interns coming to ask the same questions someone else had already asked or insurance or the pediatrician or the photo lady or or or-it was annoying as gently caress and I wish I would have spoken up more. Luckily on the first or second night the nurse came in and my wife was crying because she couldn’t get him to take her nipple and the nurse was like “here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to take your son into the nursery and take care of him for a bit. You two are going to do nothing but sleep. You’ve both been up over 24 hours and you need the rest.” She was a loving god send.
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Sep 5, 2019 01:43
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nwin posted:Luckily on the first or second night the nurse came in and my wife was crying because she couldn’t get him to take her nipple and the nurse was like “here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to take your son into the nursery and take care of him for a bit. You two are going to do nothing but sleep. You’ve both been up over 24 hours and you need the rest.” She was a loving god send. Over the course of 72 hours at the hospital we had half a dozen shifts' worth of nurses checking in on us. They were all great, but especially #4 or 5 who looked at our situation and said, "It looks like you're having some trouble latching and feeding and the baby has been crying constantly for two days, would you like to try some donor milk?" and showed me how to put food in the baby's mouth with a syringe so mom could get a break. I'm sure I shared this in the thread before but it was life-changing and we never would have thought to ask for it; we just assumed breastfeeding was supposed to be hard. Baby only needed the syringe for a few more days before she figured out the boob, and in the meantime it made so much of a difference. We sent the whole maternity ward a thank-you card after we left, but she especially deserved it.
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Sep 5, 2019 02:21
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nwin posted:Yep. My wife tried to breastfeed and did for about a month but in the hospital just wasn’t having much luck. Our son lost a few ounces and when our discharge day came he was just barely heavy enough in the car seat to pass the weight limit. We didn’t do formula because she was producing enough milk but it was a catholic hospital and it definitely seemed like they were pushing breastfeeding on us. Always nice to have the nurses who can recognize when parents need sleep. Also good to have nurses who get poo poo done and know what to do. My wife is a hard-charger who is very direct and not meek at all, and one of the nurses on the third shift during her labor was a young woman probably in her mid-20s who was very quiet. She probably would have been better off not in maternity. My wife actually said during her labor, “Can you go get a different nurse than her?” She told me later that this nurse seemed very meek and that wasn’t what she needed, she needed a nurse who was stern and aggressive to jolt her into pushing when the time came. In contrast though, attentive nurses who are meeker have their place and are valuable so I’m sure this girl was a great nurse in general. Some of the gentler and meeker nurses might also be some of the ones who come in and say, “Looks like y’all need to rest, can I take babby to the nursery so you can sleep?” Some are both but man, we had nothing but the wrong personality nurses at the wrong times, except for the nurse who did the delivery when it was time for my wife to start pushing. She was perfect and our kiddo was halfway down the birth canal with her help before my wife’s OBGYN could get there (her OBGYN was and is great btw, just had other obligations at the time).
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Sep 5, 2019 12:44
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It’s funny how preferences work out. I hated the nurse I had during delivery. I had to push for 2.5 hours and she kept drill sergeant yelling things like “get mad!!! Get mad!!!!” at me. I get that she was trying to be motivating but it wasn’t like I wasn’t trying... In further skin issues we had to take the kid to the doctor again because her fingernail bed looked infected (it was but this is an easy fix). While we were there I asked about her neck folds and armpits and the NP agreed they looked yeasty. We have to do lotrimin again 3x a day and if it’s not better by the weekend they will prescribe something. Honestly I wish they’d just prescribe something now. I’ve been using lotrimin on and off since she first had the yeast issues and nothing has improved. I don’t want her to keep being uncomfortable with this. It’s been over a month and she’s only 3 months old.
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Sep 5, 2019 14:17
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my wife put her foot down in the hospital and had the nursery bottle feed him in between suckling attempts. she got a solid 3 hours of sleep in between feedings and the kiddo took to the bottle just fine in between, and managed to gain a few ounces up off his bottom weight before we even left.
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Sep 5, 2019 16:01
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:my wife put her foot down in the hospital and had the nursery bottle feed him in between suckling attempts. she got a solid 3 hours of sleep in between feedings and the kiddo took to the bottle just fine in between, and managed to gain a few ounces up off his bottom weight before we even left. Hey guy congrats on having a baby and a badass wife. You were having a rough time mentally during the pregnancy, how are you doing now? e: "solid 3 hours of sleep" is the most new parent sentence
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Sep 5, 2019 16:32
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nwin posted:They kept saying to get our sleep but every other hour we had housekeeping coming in to get the trash or residents and interns coming to ask the same questions someone else had already asked or insurance or the pediatrician or the photo lady or or or-it was annoying as gently caress and I wish I would have spoken up more. This was our experience as well at our "baby friendly" hospital. Obviously hospital staff need to regularly check up on the mother and child (and to make sure the parents leave with at least a rudimentary knowledge of infant care). But the nursing staff guilted us into not using the nursery so it was 72 hours of constant feedings and questions while my wife and I got 0 sleep. Sleep deprivation is just a part of parenthood but the benefit of starting it immediately after childbirth when alternatives exist is lost on me. If I had to do it over again I would have insisted on one night in the nursery.
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Sep 5, 2019 17:09
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The hospital guilted me into *putting* the baby in the nursery!
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Sep 5, 2019 17:53
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Hospitals seem to go hard on lots of things, I'm sure mostly liability is what makes them do that. One thing of which I am pretty certain, though, is that no one has truly totally figured out babies, and so poo poo changes every 5-10 years on what to do or what not to do and the hospitals are playing catch up. Not to excuse them in any way from guilting new parents into not getting any sleep during the time which we probably need it the most, because I honestly have no idea where keeping the baby in your hospital room 24/7 even came from, or what they purported benefits are outside of what I assume is more bonding time with the baby. But like I said earlier, there's not much bonding to be had when baby is cluster feeding all loving night and falling asleep through half of that. In other words, it'd be nice if they respected parents' wishes a little more because it's a lot to take in, the whole shebang. We're stressed and tired. If we want baby in nursery, then we loving want that so we can take better care of baby later when we take baby home. I do remember my wife and me just marveling at the fact that they just let us take the baby right on home, it's a weird feeling. You know baby is yours, but it's still strange that they just hand 'em to you and send you on your way, especially when that happens right after 2-3 nights of "we prefer to keep baby in your room as much as possible regardless of your stress levels and lack of sleep, have fun going home and getting the same amount of sleep without having gotten to recover from the birth!"
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Sep 5, 2019 18:53
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Let me tell you about Swedish maternity wards. There is no nursery. That is all. Hippie Hedgehog fucked around with this message at 19:10 on Sep 5, 2019 |
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Sep 5, 2019 19:02
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Banishing the baby to the nursery was critical in our survival for our first week home. The first three months was us struggling to take turns sleeping so at least one parent was functional enough to be a care giver. Leaving the hospital with a solid, full night's 4 hours of sleep saved our asses.
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Sep 5, 2019 19:03
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Hippie Hedgehog posted:Let me tell you about Swedish maternity wards. I'm not a parent yet but half the reason I follow this thread closely is because I'm fascinated by the cultural differences that surround childbirth and parenting. I'm in the UK and as far as I'm aware it's not at all usual to take the baby away from the parents after birth for any length of time. The differences in choices and expectations are so interesting!
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Sep 5, 2019 23:21
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The hospital I delivered my daughter (now 5) at kept badgering me to send her to the nursery and had me sign an affidavit acknowledging that I declined in leiu of her rooming in. My son turned 1 and unlike sister, he ate a poo poo ton of his smash cake. Lawd, hes been blowing out his rear end all day. Praise be the target diapers for withstanding the filthy onslaught.
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Sep 6, 2019 00:37
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Hippie Hedgehog posted:Let me tell you about Swedish maternity wards. None in New Zealand either, or at least not in the hospital I delivered in. The only time I was without my baby was when he was sent to NICU for an hour each night for antibiotics, and even then by the third night I went looking for him after 20min and the last two nights I just went with him. Christ though, nthing the issues with people interrupting at all bloody hours. I had, at most, 45min at a time before someone would barge in; oftentimes it was far more regular. You would think that they'd know that the new parents would be exhausted and need some space but no. One morning after a sleepless night, a cleaner came in at like 9am and complained to me about the curtains being drawn because I had finally just got to sleep - I explained that to her only to get "It's like a cave! I guess you must be one of those people that hates light" followed by a weird look. I could have drop-kicked her out the goddamn window.
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Sep 6, 2019 01:51
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Tamarillo posted:None in New Zealand either, or at least not in the hospital I delivered in. Australian here. There are no nurseries in our public hospitals either, but it is an option if you go through the private system. And in the public system your partner can't stay overnight with you. I delivered 2 babies in 2 different public hospitals and both times I was home in less than 24hrs (although I could have stayed longer if I wanted). But you do get a couple of midwife visits at home in the first week, which is really nice.
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Sep 6, 2019 02:58
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Tamarillo posted:None in New Zealand either, or at least not in the hospital I delivered in. The only time I was without my baby was when he was sent to NICU for an hour each night for antibiotics, and even then by the third night I went looking for him after 20min and the last two nights I just went with him. To be fair, this is pretty par for any hospital stay. It's ironic but nobody sleeps in a hospital.
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Sep 6, 2019 12:04
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Our hospital was pretty good. But the birth ended up being pretty traumatic because of a very long labor and terrible "traveling nurses" during the night shift. The contracted night shift nurses had no idea what they were doing, didn't care, and tried to send us to NICU for an emergency c-section until our Doctor told them to shutup and help her deliver the baby. I really don't remember the first month or two at all. I remember being super terrified of driving babby home. And my wife having a really tough time with latching and our daughter was losing lots of weight by our day 2 visit to the pediatrician. Luckily our pediatrician is awesome and gave us two weeks worth formula and essentially told us "fed is best." We supplemented with formula for the first two months and then went pure formula. Our daughter is now one and a half and is big and chubby and blowing through milestones! My wife had a lot of guilt about using formula at first due to spending a lot of time on mommy blogs, but eventually got over it. We have tried a few different diapers but keep on going back to Pamper Swaddlers. I find that other brands are overpriced, flimsy, or non-absorbent. I wanted to love target diapers due to the price, but all of the pee runs to the bottom of the diaper and it looks like a bag of pee swinging around. Pampers absorb really well and puff outwards when full instead of hanging low. grenada fucked around with this message at 13:57 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 13:39
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Renegret posted:It's ironic but nobody sleeps in a hospital. I barely slept more than 20 minutes a go right after my son was born. I did pass the gently caress out, though, when I ended up in the ER for a gallbladder attack and they hooked me up to that IV morphine. From praying for the sweet release of death, to sleeping like the dead.
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Sep 6, 2019 14:07
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Does "nursery" here refer to a separate room that the infant is taken to? Here in Iceland, that wasn't even an option. Hell, while my wife was recovering I was encouraged to take my shirt off and let our daughter lie on my chest. They were big on skin contact. The notion of taking a newborn away from the parents to a separate room seems pretty outlandish to me. Not saying it's wrong, but it's interesting how cultures vary in this. Otoh they were very chill about breastfeeding. They asked us if we wanted to, and then helped us get started. There was no pressure at all. We also got a midwife to check in on us at home for the first seven days to help us out, which was a lifesaver. Our daughter just couldn't be arsed to drink, and getting her to suckle was a huge struggle. Hell, that hasn't changed. She's not all that interested in food - She eats until she's no longer hungry, but nothing beyond that. Mommy groups on facebook on the other hand, dear god. Lots of hyperbole and yelling about how if you don't breastfeed your kid will develop all kind of immune disorders and poo poo. It caused my wife a huge deal of anxiety - Breastfeeding was always a struggle. It wasn't until she had switched to solids and we reduced breastfeeding to once per day before bedtime that it became easy.
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Sep 6, 2019 14:07
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Geisladisk posted:Hey guy congrats on having a baby and a badass wife. it's? really easy? FOR NOW. but the wife has some time back from work and i just started a new job and my MIL has been stellar with assisting with everything else, even if my house is a constant disaster spanning all space and time. (fridge just broke.) edit- i need real talk about milk production. a ladyfriend is having trouble encouraging her milk to come in, so I've been thinking about making oatmeal cookies with brewer's yeast, are there any other recipes y'all have tried and can recommend? PHIZ KALIFA fucked around with this message at 14:22 on Sep 6, 2019 |
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Sep 6, 2019 14:17
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Geisladisk posted:Does "nursery" here refer to a separate room that the infant is taken to? Yes about the nursery. Usually in the middle of the ward, surrounded with glass walls so you can look in and see the nurses taking care of the babies. The skin to skin thing is one of those things where it sounds dumb, but it's wonderful if you ever try it. A+ highly recommended. Skin to skin fixed my wife's post-op high blood pressure problems better than drugs.
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Sep 6, 2019 14:32
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all about that skin to skin, the issue here is that my wife was not allowed to co-sleep with the infant in the bed, and putting him down just resulted in feeding cries 20 minutes later.
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Sep 6, 2019 14:43
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:it's? really easy? FOR NOW. but the wife has some time back from work and i just started a new job and my MIL has been stellar with assisting with everything else, even if my house is a constant disaster spanning all space and time. (fridge just broke.) I've mentioned this in the past but the baby is the easiest part of having a baby. The hard part is the mental toll from it never ending. I didn't mind waking up in the middle of the night 2-3 times at first, but I'm so over it now.
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Sep 6, 2019 14:44
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:it's? really easy? FOR NOW. but the wife has some time back from work and i just started a new job and my MIL has been stellar with assisting with everything else, even if my house is a constant disaster spanning all space and time. (fridge just broke.) The difficulty sort of goes up and down like a sine curve. At first it's really easy, they just eat, poop, sleep for a couple of hours, and repeat. The only really hard thing is the lack of sleep. Then they start staying awake for hours at a time and need constant attention and it gets harder. Then they start getting more self-sufficient and able to keep themselves amused. Then they hit two and start having OPINIONS and DEMANDS and gently caress YOU DAD I WON'T EAT THIS poo poo I'M GONNA GET SUPER HANGRY INSTEAD ALSO READ THIS loving BOOK YOU'VE READ SIX TIMES IN THE PAST TWENTY MINUTES AGAIN no actually DON'T READ THIS lovely BOOK I WANT TO WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE DOG GOING INTO THE CAR FOR THE FIFTIETH TIME
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Sep 6, 2019 15:00
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Geisladisk posted:The difficulty sort of goes up and down like a sine curve. At first it's really easy, they just eat, poop, sleep for a couple of hours, and repeat. The only really hard thing is the lack of sleep. Then they start staying awake for hours at a time and need constant attention and it gets harder. Then they start getting more self-sufficient and able to keep themselves amused. Then they hit two and start having OPINIONS and DEMANDS and gently caress YOU DAD I WON'T EAT THIS poo poo I'M GONNA GET SUPER HANGRY INSTEAD ALSO READ THIS loving BOOK YOU'VE READ SIX TIMES IN THE PAST TWENTY MINUTES AGAIN no actually DON'T READ THIS lovely BOOK I WANT TO WATCH THE VIDEO OF THE DOG GOING INTO THE CAR FOR THE FIFTIETH TIME PTSD triggering really hard right now.
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Sep 6, 2019 15:19
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Maybe it's time to have a second kid so they can play nicely together, entertain themselves and leave you alone- ahahahahahahahahahahaha baaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Sep 6, 2019 15:56
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I think we’re one and done at this rate... she had been sleeping until 3 and then waking up again around 5 or 6. This was doable. Since the day before I went back to work she’s been waking up at 1 and refusing to go back down until like 2:30 and then waking again between 3 and 4. I’m trying the Taking Cara Babies suggestions but wow they do not work when your kid won’t take a pacifier and will cry and cry and cry until you hold her. Also, pumping at work really sucks. I feel like I’m not getting anything done because every time I get in a groove I have to stop and hook myself up again. And I’m not even sure if I’m producing enough for her. She seems like she’s ready to start eating 4 oz at a time and I’m only getting 3. Also sick of unsolicited advice from friends and coworkers. No I’m not ready to try formula yet. No we are not allowed to give our 3 month old cereal.
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Sep 6, 2019 16:23
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