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Sep 5, 2019 12:52
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9 year olds: well known for their wokeness.
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Sep 5, 2019 14:11
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Whenever I get in a relationship I make sure to immediately clarify for everyone that I'm not just loving her because she's a girl.
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Sep 5, 2019 14:24
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It could almost be realistic if the dude was also coming out as bi, but the flavour of people who write faux-woke stdh also frothingly hate bisexuals
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Sep 5, 2019 14:46
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NtotheTC posted:There are drill sargeants at bible camp? Do you know about sword drill at Bible camp?
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Sep 5, 2019 15:02
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Danaru posted:It could almost be realistic if the dude was also coming out as bi, but the flavour of people who write faux-woke stdh also frothingly hate bisexuals I read this as "white faux-woke" and no information was lost
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Sep 5, 2019 18:30
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I though the writer was a man helping his bro out like some sort of mean spirited porno
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Sep 5, 2019 19:33
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I am cracking up a little at all the people who misread that story
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Sep 5, 2019 21:42
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Facebook status posted:Soooo, I got stopped by a South Carolina State trooper on the way home today !! I already knew why he got me (speeding, as expected, hahah) but of course, I was going to ask him why he stopped me. Aint nobody got time for a ticket or court, so I decided to test my luck and humor. About a week ago, I purchased some “passed gas” spray from five below to prank Someone with. The bottle says to squirt about 2 sprays. Well as the Trooper walks toward my car I nervously sprayed about 5 squirts! Oops! He gets to my window and asks me to get out. I said I can’t! He immediately stops in his tracks and he says, “Good Lord ...what’s that?” I said, “I’ve got a situation sir!” The look on his face was priceless. I said, “Sir my stomach hurts and I’m trying get home because I....” (he is at my window and I didn't even finish my sentence) He grabs his face, backs up and says... “Oh my!! I think you need an ambulance.” I screamed “NO!!!!” (of course trying not to laugh...he looked worried and sick 🤣)
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Sep 9, 2019 14:15
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Well that's about as literal as this thread can get, I suppose
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Sep 9, 2019 15:59
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poo poo that didn't happen about poo poo that didn't happen 
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Sep 9, 2019 17:24
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The Shitularity
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Sep 9, 2019 19:14
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Ichabod Sexbeast posted:The Shitularity
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Sep 9, 2019 23:59
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I know goons not getting jokes is a thing in this thread, but it literally says at the end that it's a loving joke. 
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Sep 10, 2019 00:44
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Bertrand Hustle posted:I know goons not getting jokes is a thing in this thread, but it literally says at the end that it's a loving joke. The implication, even though it's obviously not true, is that someone really shared that story and it "really happened" and their friends just started sharing it like that. They add the "if you read it to the end" bit to "test" their friends. My family does it all the time with things saying they got in a bad car accident or are pregnant etc and have a "lol NOT congratulations on reading until the end just wanted to share some laughs XD" thing tacked on
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Sep 10, 2019 00:57
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Sep 10, 2019 02:00
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Casually telling my coworkers I’m masturbating right next to them in a meeting. Power move.
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Sep 10, 2019 02:02
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Bertrand Hustle posted:I know goons not getting jokes is a thing in this thread, but it literally says at the end that it's a loving joke. No it doesn’t.
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Sep 10, 2019 04:24
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Reductress is a parody site. Like The Onion, but parodying websites aimed at women, not just media in general.
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Sep 10, 2019 05:43
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AlbieQuirky posted:Reductress is a parody site. Like The Onion, but parodying websites aimed at women, not just media in general. The post is about the comment posted below the article title.
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Sep 10, 2019 08:32
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Skwirl posted:The post is about the comment posted below the article title. Yes, the comment is from an individual on tumblr describing a co-workers supposed clit-jean j/o session in a meeting. I blacked out the user ID for obvious reasons.
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Sep 10, 2019 08:44
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GreenMetalSun posted:clit-jean j/o session Mods please
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Sep 10, 2019 10:35
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GreenMetalSun posted:clit-jean j/o session I can't keep track of these modern x-men.
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Sep 10, 2019 10:54
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Low hanging fruit, but
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Sep 10, 2019 11:35
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GreenMetalSun posted:Yes, the comment is from an individual on tumblr describing a co-workers supposed clit-jean j/o session in a meeting. I blacked out the user ID for obvious reasons. Her name was clitty-jean, masturbates with the seam.
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Sep 10, 2019 11:54
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Butt Detective posted:Low hanging fruit, but yikes. The glaring beacon that it's stdh is how they always "loving love" all this weird+spooky stuff supposedly happening to them. Also their lists always escalate from pretty mundane stuff like talking in your sleep or saying weird things as a kid to "angels watch out for me and i am super cool and powerful and am definitely not using my dreams to fill a void in my personality".
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Sep 10, 2019 12:35
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I remember being a teenager with an overactive imagination faced with the horrible dawning realisation that I was actually a very boring person. Those things all probably totally happened to me when I was on VampireFreaks.com.
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Sep 10, 2019 12:51
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yeah I eat rear end posted:yikes. The glaring beacon that it's stdh is how they always "loving love" all this weird+spooky stuff supposedly happening to them. Also their lists always escalate from pretty mundane stuff like talking in your sleep or saying weird things as a kid to "angels watch out for me and i am super cool and powerful and am definitely not using my dreams to fill a void in my personality". It's the addendums that get me "by the way I stayed until the ambulance got there" just in case anyone else spotted that her initial reaction to watching a car crash was to throw on some shades and bon mot (to who?)
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Sep 10, 2019 12:51
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Butt Detective posted:Low hanging fruit, but There is a 100% chance this person tells strangers about their tulpas.
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Sep 10, 2019 13:40
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Dienes posted:There is a 100% chance this person tells strangers about their tulpas. "ASK ME ABOUT MY TULPA" Tshirt
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Sep 10, 2019 13:53
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My favorite part of these stories is just how impressed and/or freaked out all the ‘normies’ in their life act. Omg, Sally said something vaguely creepy once in her slee. Omg, Sally once said something sort of weird near a graveyard. Etc. etc.
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Sep 10, 2019 14:41
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GreenMetalSun posted:Yes, the comment is from an individual on tumblr describing a co-workers supposed clit-jean j/o session in a meeting. I blacked out the user ID for obvious reasons. Oh, whoops! I thought that was part of the article. My idiocy.
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Sep 10, 2019 15:57
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The good thing about talking about your sinister and magical dreams, or saying "I was walking past an old house and had a vision of myself living in it in a past life" is that there's no way anyone can disprove such a thing. Especially with the dreams, where some might say "that's not real" and the person would reply "I did say it was a dream". I tend to assume all dream stories are modified, though. None of my dreams are ever so coherent, and by the time I've got up and onto the internet, all I can remember is something like "I was looking for the room, but it wasn't there" which is not much of a Tumblr post on its own.
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Sep 10, 2019 17:48
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I can recount events from my dreams but can't accurately describe their mood so there's no point in explaining a load of random bs.
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Sep 10, 2019 18:32
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lol that one about being in the cinema. Neil Gaiman called and wants to know how you got hold of his new unfinished book
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Sep 10, 2019 19:40
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Stupidest story is the graveyard one simply because that is a perfectly normal-rear end thing to say about a graveyard. Whoop-de-doo and good job OP also sorry for your loss.
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Sep 10, 2019 19:42
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AlbieQuirky posted:Oh, whoops! I thought that was part of the article. My idiocy. It happens. :3 Here's my hot take, the STDH about the meeting? Written by a teenager. That quirky dream STDH? Written by a 36 year-old woman.
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Sep 10, 2019 21:37
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GreenMetalSun posted:It happens. :3 Yeah that's how I read the second one, like it has the tone of an approaching middle-age person who has never been told to tone that kind of stuff down. Plus teenagers typically would portray it as a dark+twizted psychopath thing instead of this "mystic immortal reincarnated soul who talks to the angels" or whatever.
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Sep 10, 2019 22:37
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bike tory posted:lol that one about being in the cinema. Neil Gaiman called and wants to know how you got hold of his new unfinished book No, I’m pretty sure it was based on the theater scene from Donnie Darko.
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Sep 10, 2019 22:46
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I believe the waking up part and seeing your cats staring at the door, because they'll just stare at poo poo.
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Sep 10, 2019 22:51
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