- Grape
- Nov 16, 2017
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Happily shilling for China!
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all you people talking about being white tend to be Americans and you're sadly a mongrel race that have constructed an idea of 'Whiteness' to please yourselves while you don't even know how much french or german or spanish or irish blood is in you.
lol a HUGE component that built modern racism and ideas of "whiteness" were ideologies connected to the big European overseas empires, particularly the British one.
Because schools are full of people who wanted a job where they could power trip over people who have zero way to hold them accountable
Ask me how I know you've never had a job even slightly close to teaching.
Grape fucked around with this message at 20:21 on Sep 17, 2019
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Sep 17, 2019 20:19
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 30, 2024 10:11
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- StrangersInTheNight
- Dec 31, 2007
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ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
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I think the problem comes in when you try to describe a form of suffering as something uniquely experienced by women when that's not the case.
I said our experiences are different because of the different positions we are in socially and from where the expectations are put upon us from. Men and women experience the expectations to have children differently and different pressures are put on them.
I never said this pressure was uniquely experienced by women, but that women experience it differently due to our perceived social roles as first-and-foremost babymakers. I got pissed because even that mild sentiment led to someone Kramering in to say 'Its the same for men!', when no, it isn't. You absolutely get that pressure but in different ways. Please let me express the way women experience it. Jfc.
And I hold to that. You can keep trying to explain it to me like I somehow 'don't get it', but really you're not fully listening to or absorbing the substance of what I'm saying, determined to hear it as a harpy-ish cry decrying the very notion of men having problems.
EDIT: also i seriously wanna know if anyone else's cat smells farts but no one is gonna tell me bc of FEMINISM and that makes me sad, tell me bout ur cats
StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 20:33 on Sep 17, 2019
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Sep 17, 2019 20:26
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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And someone pops up with his knowledge of age of consent laws, of course
This is some Micheal Bay "whip out the Statue of Limitations for your State laminated card" and go on a 5 minute rant about how specifically you are not breaking the law citing sections 1.a and 5.b regarding age of the partners and parental consent.
Literally, any time someone is bring up age of consent it completely flies past them the actual problem people have with the age gaps. Sure, it's legal for a 42 year old man to have a sexual relationship with the 18 year old daughter of his next door neighbor, but the "legality" of it is the least concerning aspect of that situation.
Although, given that there's a post about a 46 women who recently went lesbian dating a 19 year old and everyone in the thread was "No that's unacceptable you are right for calling her weird and creepy" it seems like for some reason reddit has very distinct opinions depending on the genders involved.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/d568jz/aita_for_calling_out_my_mom_on_the_inappropriate/
quote:My mom is 46 years old and seven years ago she got divorced from my dad and came out as lesbian. She had already begun a relationship with a female friend that lasted for another four years. She was even supposed to adopt that woman's daughter and become her parent, but she unexpectedly left my mom.
Throughout this whole mess, my mom and I maintained a good, healthy relationship and I even loved the woman she dated and her daughter who was a really good kid. I was 14 when they got a divorce and I understood why it had to happen, I wasn't angry. Even my dad got more positive when it was just me, him and my brother, he remained in good relations with my mom.
After a horrible break up, my mom had a really rough time. I could tell it really took a toll on her. She wanted to be alone, so I couldn't be there for her all the time.
Some time later, she told me she met a girl at work. They started dating and my mom drastically changed. She became positive again, she was much happier. I noticed though that she avoided introducing me or my brother or anyone to this girl for a few months. One day I decided to drop by her place when I was heading home. When she let me in, the girl that she's dating was also there. It was her coworker's daughter, who is 19, only two years younger than me. I was so shocked and disgusted that I lost it and started yelling at my mom. I called her out before storming out.
I told my brother about it, who said I was way out of line to say all those things and that it doesn't concern me, because it's legal. But I think my mom has a problem. AITA for confronting her?
Top Response
quote:NTA this is (borderline) pedophilic. I want anyone who is saying that you’re the rear end in a top hat to argue that if your mom and her girlfriend were both two years younger they’d be okay with it. People are viewing legality as morality. pentyne fucked around with this message at 20:31 on Sep 17, 2019
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Sep 17, 2019 20:28
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- new boot goofin
- Jul 23, 2007
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like school in july
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My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of 1yr is starting to gross me out and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.
quote:
Hello, Reddit.
This is really awkward and embarrassing to share, but I can't think of anywhere else to get advice. I've been dating James for just over a year. We have a really good relationship and we are good with communicating any issues that we have come to, I am very much in love with him and we are happy. Now, maybe he is very comfortable with me now; which I know is a good thing, but I'm very frustrated and I don't know if it's just me. This is the only issue I have with him. He's just constantly farting and burping and it's starting to really gross me out. It feels stupid to even type that... but it's really become excessive.
We are both graduated from school and work full time, we do not live together but he is starting to move into my apartment. This started about 5 months into our relationship and it has gotten progressively worse. He will burp constantly and blow it into my face, to a point where I will start dry heaving, because he thinks it's funny. He does the same thing with farting, always trying to do it on me because he thinks it's hilarious. I know its normal, I grew up with 4 brothers, but he is constantly FORCING it to happen.
This is not once or twice. We have spent almost every night together the past 6 months, and it will happen all night. ALL night. I have asked him to please stop because I find it really gross, especially the burping because he will do it in my face and it turns my stomach and he will apologize but still continue to do it. Or lean in for a kiss and burp in my face instead, then laugh himself to the point of tears when I act disgusted.
I thought maybe, at first, he was just really gassy and I should be more understanding because it's a natural bodily function. He does not do this when we are out to dinner or with friends. A few months ago we went to a wedding together with some members of his family and he accidentally burped really loudly like he normally does when he is alone with me, and our table went really silent and glared at him. I didn't want him to be embarrassed so I highfived him and said "Good one!" and the whole table started laughing and cheering and he afterwards he pulled me aside and said he was thankful I did so, as he was humiliated but I broke the ice. I was a bit drunk and frustrated so I asked him why he does it to me constantly but he wouldn't do it in front of other people. His reasoning is that I am his girlfriend and he should be able to "play around" with me like that. That I was being a typical girl for finding it rude, uptight, high maintenance. I didn't want to argue about it, so I told him I was none of those things and he knew it -- cut the bullshit, we'll talk about it later when we're sober and just have a fun time at the party for now. And we did. But it never changes.
I've tried to make plans to be out of the house when we see each other, because even though it seems ridiculous it's starting to stress me out. I can't talk to any of my friends about it because they think it's so funny. He is a very sweet guy, I like spending time with him, but I feel nauseous when we are alone together because it's just so gross. He is starting to work longer shifts so he wants to stay in a lot most nights to relax. He started doing it during sex, as a joke, and our sex life has really suffered because of it.
A few nights ago he was texting me before he got off work, complaining about his day and he seemed really stressed out so I told him I would come over and I'll make his favorite and I'll make him forget about it. So I went over to his house and started cooking until he was off. After dinner he leaned in to kiss me, and I turned my head because I'm so used to him burping in my face. We had an argument because he was accusing me of cheating (we haven't been having sex). I told him it was because of the burping, and he said I needed to get over it, that he was only joking and I was being such a prude. That his girlfriend shouldn't reject a kiss from him yadda yadda. I told him that I've been saying this is a problem for a while, I DON'T think it's funny AT ALL. I have thrown up because of it (he started to laugh as I said that). And I just... kinda lost it. I don't really yell at people, I am a calm and collected person, so I scared him a bit. I told him it was disgusting and I am getting to the point where I'm no longer attracted to him, that I've been trying so hard to be understanding but it's a two way street. It wasn't to me about something being "gross" or "funny" any more, it was about respect.
He kind of got defensive, trying to throw in how I was overreacting, being ridiculous, but I shut it down and he apologized because he apparently didn't know I felt so strongly about it... He would try not to do it any more, at all. I don't care that it happens! I only care that he forces it. Etc.
Now, having talked it out -- for the next couple of hours he actually didn't try to burp in my face or fart on me. I was so happy I could enjoy cuddling my boyfriend without trying not to vomit. So I started unzipping his pants, to make him forget about his bad day. You already know where this is going. It's humiliating but I'm going to type it out anyway, as I was trying to blow him he pushed my head down so I couldn't get away and tensed up and started farting loudly, while laughing. I was so frustrated I started crying immediately. I think he realized he did something wrong because he let go of my head and tried to hold me and he kept say "I'm sorry, I thought you meant to do it less. I thought it was going to be funny, to break the tension from before." But I got up and left his apartment.
That was two days ago. He has tried calling me, texting me constantly. I have not responded. His messages range from being very apologetic to very angry, back and forth. I don't know what to do and I feel like this relationship is over but I still love him. I feel also, really gross and violated in a way. Our mutual friends have been texting me as well asking if everything is okay, and I've tried explaining the situation to my best friend but he found it hilarious. So I'm afraid to explain it to anyone else. This is just... so stupid. I literally feel like I'm crazy; maybe I am uptight etc. I also have a lot of his stuff over here that belongs to him and I'm worried he will come back to get it and I'll have to face him. What should I do? Am I just overreacting?
tl;dr: My boyfriend is constantly burping in my face and farting on me even though I don't find it funny, am I overreacting?
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Sep 17, 2019 20:29
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- Geoj
- May 28, 2008
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BITTER POOR PERSON
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Snakes are a real phobia, people with it aren't loving around. My mom is a grown rear end woman and would quite possibly have gotten violent in that situation. A 6 year old who is coherent enough to not run away from the classroom door is to be commended.
Seconding this.
I once witnessed my aunt have to be forcibly dragged off of railroad tracks (family owns property in west/central Wisconsin along the Mississippi with a BNSF mainline running across the property) in the face of an oncoming train because she'd rather be run over than walk 20 feet to the side, where there was tall grass. Which may have harbored a snake.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:39
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- HIJK
- Nov 25, 2012
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in the room where you sleep
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I said our experiences are different because of the different positions we are in socially and from where the expectations are put upon us from. Men and women experience the expectations to have children differently and different pressures are put on them.
I never said this pressure was uniquely experienced by women, but that women experience it differently due to our perceived social roles as first-and-foremost babymakers. I got pissed because even that mild sentiment led to someone Kramering in to say 'Its the same for men!', when no, it isn't. You absolutely get that pressure but in different ways. Please let me express the way women experience it. Jfc.
And I hold to that. You can keep trying to explain it to me like I somehow 'don't get it', but really you're not fully listening to or absorbing the substance of what I'm saying.
And that makes sense, but honestly your responses were so overly wordy that your meaning and intent got lost, if that was what you were trying to communicate. And honestly, pointing out "men are also socially punished for not having a partner or children" doesn't do anything to take away the kind of problems that women experience. It just means that guys also have problems, just different kinds. Like, it doesn't take away from women just because women's experience is different.
The point is that men and women both get punished for not getting married and having children by a certain date. "Virgin" is a synonym for "loser" for guys that is used nearly universally by anyone trying to belittle a man, which was mentioned up thread. Men get shat on regularly on social media and in pop journalism for not marrying fast enough or for being too poor to get married, or for trying to understand and fix their depression before getting a partner. And no one talks about how this actually contributes to the problems that guys face which in turn becomes a self fulfilling prophecy where society's expectations become lower and lower, putting your life goals out of reach, and the contempt keeps building, and no one is interested in helping fix it. They just want more excuses to poo poo on you more.
Does any of this sound familiar?
That doesn't mean it's the same as being a woman who is told you're worthless if you haven't had 10 kids by the time you're 35, or having to perform heavy physical and emotional labor in taking care of a house and being the primary caretaker for tiny sociopaths without any pay while being forced to rely on one working partner's paycheck, or having to freeze or totally axe your career because of the unfair distribution in procreation and maybe giving up your dreams for the rest of your life and always having to live with the nagging feeling of "what if." But it's all a form of social punishment. And like many things, these stigmas go deeper than name calling. What you ended up doing was taking umbrage at the idea of dudes also suffering and turning it into a pissing contest about how unpaid housewives are getting the short end of the stick. And what you say is definitely true but it's also missing the bigger picture, and it's creating a divide where there didn't need to be one. As evidenced by these posts.
That doesn't mean that this suffering is the exact same thing, but it does mean that men and women suffer. The real poo poo is that it should be a unifier, not a divider. It does not make sense to fight about the particulars of oppression when everyone is suffering.
And for what it's worth, I am not a man. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life ignoring the fact that men have significant social problems just because I have a vagina. I already know what my social problems are, I want to know what theirs are too so that, y'know, maybe we can fix them. When one part of the human race is suffering, it also effects the rest of us.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:43
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- cumshitter
- Sep 27, 2005
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by Fluffdaddy
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I was looking for it too. From what I remember, she threatened to break up with him and he became aggressive. I think it ended with one of her male friends coming over to help her move and kicking his rear end, getting his nose injured in the process so it looked like Owen Wilson's.
Or that might have been another story.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:44
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of 1yr is starting to gross me out and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting.
my farts are LONG. and WAY LOUDER. and they REEK. so what’s the joke? that I had a milder fart than I normally do? that nobody’s puking from my fart?
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Sep 17, 2019 20:48
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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Does your cat react at all? Our cats always acts like farts don't even smell and I always wondered if he even registers them
He'll jump if the noise is particularly loud, and grimace at the air being blown in his face.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:49
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- new boot goofin
- Jul 23, 2007
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like school in july
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Boyfriend (25m) insisted that he should be allowed to go to a swinger’s club while in a relationship with me (28f)
quote:
This argument actually happened several weeks ago, and even though things have been “okay” between us, I haven’t felt comfortable since.
My boyfriend and I were having a conversation about how he has a wide group of friends, including people of different ethnicities, beliefs, interests, religions, sexual orientations, etc.
He made a comment about how he can be “different depending on who he’s hanging with” and said, for example, if his friend who’s into swinging invited him, he’d go along with him to a swingers club.
Now, he and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 2 years. There is absolutely no way I’d be okay with him going to a swingers club, and I let him know as such. Actually, I would consider doing so a massive breach of the relationship, which to me is the same thing as cheating.
Instead of understanding my boundary, he scoffed and left the room. An argument ensued quickly after, since I felt deeply disrespected and angry. To me, what he did is akin to me saying “yeah if my friend wanted a blow job I’d totally give him one” and then scoffing at him when he bristled at the idea.
He insisted that it’s totally okay for a person to go to a swingers club while in a relationship as long as they don’t touch anyone else.
I’ll admit that I got pretty angry and started yelling. The very idea that the person who I’ve been sexually committed to for two years is just completely cool with going to a sex club, WITHOUT ME no less, when we’ve had absolutely zero discussion about these things prior makes me feel like I’ve been completely duped.
I thought that I was in a relationship with someone who shared the same values about monogamy and fidelity.
He started laughing at me while I was angry and told me that my argument about it being cheating was “illogical”...
Reddit, please help me understand how having a baseline expectation of clubs designed specifically for open relationships being off limits while in a monogamous relationship is illogical.
I got so upset that I started crying, and only then did he stop arguing and apologized. He said he won’t go to one, and that he was just “giving an example” of how different his friends are. That doesn’t mean much, though, when you’ve been scoffed and laughed at, and had your boundaries and beliefs referred to as “illogical”.
He and I are due to sign a lease on a new apartment in one month and I’m honestly having hesitations because of this argument. I feel like he’s not the person I thought he was, and I feel disrespected and lied to.
I would never put myself in a situation that would disrespect my boyfriend or my fidelity to him, but ever since this incident, I don’t think he feels the same sense of loyalty to me.
I’m on the fence about moving forward and signing any kind of contract with him, as I don’t know what else he has up his sleeve, so to speak. Maybe I’m blowing this whole thing out of proportion but what if a month into the lease he drops some other bomb on me and now I’m stuck living with him even after the relationship is over? Please help.
TLDR boyfriend thinks he should be allowed to go to swingers clubs even though it’s considered cheating to me.
you should break up with him just for saying "YOUR FEELINGS ARE ILLOGICAL, FOOLISH ORGANIC", imo
i also like this comment
quote:
Like... What would you do at a swinger's club besides swing? Does he think he'll just follow along and they'd hang out and chat as if it was a bar, and then at the end of the night his buddies would go off to have a quickie? Does he think swingers need designated drivers hanging in the back corner sipping on a soda, waiting for everyone to orgasm so he can leave? Does his swinger buddy need a wing-man? Do he think there will be a singles corner for those who just wanted to show up and hang out? That they have fun arcade games he can occupy himself with when people start to pair off? Is he gonna be in charge of snack?
It sounds ridiculous because it is. Swingers clubs are pretty one-purpose zones, you join in or get out.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:53
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- ParserGirl
- Jun 3, 2005
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Don't you usually have to bring a woman with you to a swingers event?
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Sep 17, 2019 20:55
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- Hellblazer187
- Oct 12, 2003
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EDIT: also i seriously wanna know if anyone else's cat smells farts but no one is gonna tell me bc of FEMINISM and that makes me sad, tell me bout ur cats
We don't weaponize flatulence in my household so I can't answer your question, but as far as the reverse is concerned my fat cat farts and we smell it. What's worse is our small cat drops the absolute rankest turds and doesn't even try to bury then.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:56
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- new boot goofin
- Jul 23, 2007
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like school in july
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Don't you usually have to bring a woman with you to a swingers event?
yes, some redditors chime in to say that very thing, sometimes they'll let you in as one dude but it costs $100 and you have to look like a firefighter calendar model, hahaha
a comment from OP:
quote:
readytoleave0990
Thank you, yes there are many examples of him calling me illogical, too emotional, irrational, etc.
The repetitiveness of it has kind of beat me into a corner where I don’t really feel comfortable expressing how I feel about anything. Even if I tell him he’s being dismissive, he says “no I’m not!”
That’s kind of just his outlook on the world, he is The Purely Logical Being and everyone else is just operating on different levels of wrongness.
yeah the whole dude is trash, chuck him straight into the compost
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Sep 17, 2019 20:58
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- Hellblazer187
- Oct 12, 2003
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Don't you usually have to bring a woman with you to a swingers event?
I looked into this a long time ago, but have never gone. If you're a single man and very attractive you can sometimes be allowed in, but you'll need preclearance from the club. It's unlikely to be allowed in as a drop in unless you're simply stunning.
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Sep 17, 2019 20:59
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- teen witch
- Oct 9, 2012
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yeah the whole dude is trash, chuck him straight into the compost
Compost implies that there is something of worth in his being. Incinerate into dust.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:01
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- ulex minor
- Apr 30, 2018
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lol a HUGE component that built modern racism and ideas of "whiteness" were ideologies connected to the big European overseas empires, particularly the British one.
Again, it would just take less words to say, 'yes, I am American'.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:01
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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I dated a woman that started frequenting swinger websites and talking to a couple all the time even though I said absolutely not. I met them once and they were like 15 years older than us and fat and gross. In retrospect I'm certain my girlfriend was trying to push me to break up with her.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:02
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- Pope Corky the IX
- Dec 18, 2006
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What are you looking at?
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My cat farts and gives no indication he's done so, especially because they're silent. Then our eyes start burning and we ask him if he farted and he gives that squinty "Who, me?" poo poo.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:09
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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I was looking for it too. From what I remember, she threatened to break up with him and he became aggressive. I think it ended with one of her male friends coming over to help her move and kicking his rear end, getting his nose injured in the process so it looked like Owen Wilson's.
Or that might have been another story.
Its in the replies. He had a huge fit and threatened to break up with her, she said "okay" and he agreed and stormed off. He came back to her and her friend moving her stuff out, attacked both of them, broke the friend's nose, and stormed out in a fury kicking neighbors doors.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:12
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- Frog Act
- Feb 10, 2012
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I'm [26F] on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend [28M] because he makes bodily noises all drat day... Am I a psycho for being annoyed my this?
quote:This is going to sound really mean, but my [26F] boyfriend's [28M, 8 months] bodily habits are driving me insane. Some of them are not his fault, but others are the result of poor manners (like blowing his nose at the table in a restaurant instead of going to the washroom to do it).
All day he is burping, farting, picking his nose, blowing his nose, hocking a loogie, coughing, sneezing, choking on his food (he eats too quickly), spitting, or getting nose bleeds from the excessive picking/blowing. He also often has to get up mid conversation to (literally) run to the bathroom to have diarrhea. That one happens about every other day. About once a week we are 45 minutes late or more to something because he has a diarrhea attack in the car and I have to pull over somewhere with a bathroom and wait for him to poo poo.
The burping/farting/diarrhea is due to his "sensitive stomach" (ie he is probably lactose intolerant but refuses to go to a doctor about it and cheese is his favorite food), and all of the nose/throat stuff is due to his allergies and asthma, which again, have gone untreated or unmanaged. There's always some excuse: "my allergies aren't that bad, and the medication is too expensive" (we live in Canada btw) or "even if I am lactose intolerant, there's nothing I can do about it, so I'd rather not know if I am or not because I love cheese too much"
I've tried to talk to him about the ones that he can control (spitting, picking his nose, hocking loogies), but he claims that he needs to do it or else he gets extremely uncomfortable, and that we've been dating long enough that it shouldn't bother me.
It's getting kind of disruptive. I just want to have a conversation with my boyfriend without being interrupted every 60 seconds by him choking on his food because he's eating too fast or rolling down his car window to spit out of it. On some level, it also bothers me that this 28 year old man doesn't have to initiative to call the drat doctor and make and appointment about the ones that are illness-related. He grew up in a house where medication=bad, plus he has mild white coat syndrome.
Today we went out to dinner and during the hour or so we were there, there was not a 60 second period (literally, I was glancing at my wrist watch every so often) that didn't pass without him doing one of those things. I find myself just not talking at all because I know that there is a high chance he'll have to run to the bathroom at a seconds notice to avoid making GBS threads in his pants, and when he comes back he won't bother asking me to remind him where we left off.
Am I being a psycho for being annoyed with this? How can I tell him how much it's affecting me? He's really great but I don't think I can handle this for the rest of my life.
tl;dr: bf makes bodily noises all day, it's hurting our relationship and my attraction to him... what to do?!
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Sep 17, 2019 21:12
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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I'm [26F] on the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend [28M] because he makes bodily noises all drat day... Am I a psycho for being annoyed my this?
what’s his username
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Sep 17, 2019 21:19
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- StrangersInTheNight
- Dec 31, 2007
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ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
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That doesn't mean that this suffering is the exact same thing, but it does mean that men and women suffer. The real poo poo is that it should be a unifier, not a divider. It does not make sense to fight about the particulars of oppression when everyone is suffering.
I agree with everything you said except this - there's a really big value to discussing the ways in which power dynamics change the perception of suffering, and affect the ways in which we suffer. To try and say 'guys guys, don't fight we're all in the same boat!' is some status-quo-keepin' nonsense. We aren't all in the same boat, and that needs to be recognized - that's precisely what infuriated me.
My cat farts and gives no indication he's done so, especially because they're silent. Then our eyes start burning and we ask him if he farted and he gives that squinty "Who, me?" poo poo.
i seriously wonder if my cat even feels his farts, or if they just come out of his butt unbidden
like you guys said, i have no indicator until my nostrils burn and then i look down to see his smug face with his chesire cat grin and i'm like, you know what you did, fucker
StrangersInTheNight fucked around with this message at 21:29 on Sep 17, 2019
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Sep 17, 2019 21:25
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- mllaneza
- Apr 28, 2007
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Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952
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[UPDATE] My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of 1yr is starting to gross me out and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. [/r/relationships]
quote:
OP: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/3ln4e1/my_23f_boyfriend_25m_of_1yr_is_starting_to_gross/
Thank you for everyone who replied to my original post, and also those who PM'd me. I wasn't really expecting as much support... but I'm glad that I'm not alone. Last night I was pretty miserable and just felt confused and sick about the whole thing. It really helped me deal with what I was feeling and rationalize, reading what everyone had written.
I just want to clear a few things up before I get into how this has climaxed for me. My boyfriend did not start out doing this constantly, I remember the first time he did it I was confused and told him right away I did not like it calmly and he seemed to understand. I have NEVER laughed when he did it purposely. I know the difference between an accident and what he does.
A lot of the replies helped me examine my relationship as a whole. We have had other problems that seem to fit the same pattern, he had the same behavior with driving very fast for fun and he had the same issue with "playfully" pinching and tickling but he was doing it so hard it would leave bruises. I always expressed that I did not like this but he was insistent that I was overreacting. When I showed him he was actually hurting me, he stopped completely and never did it since. I didn't think it was an important thing to bring up... I think it's a bit harsh to call him abusive. Because he respected that boundary.
I know a lot of people were suggesting that I do the same thing to him, or retaliate in the same way and it might sound nice to entertain that fantasy but I'm really not like that. I will never let someone elses actions define who I am as a person. I know I will never try to intentionally hurt someone and that makes me have faith in myself. A few of you made me really cry because before I wrote my post I was completely unsupported and I felt alone and.. well, really ridiculous and dumb. So thank you very much for taking the time to help me even though I'm a stranger and none of you owe me anything -- let alone your time and kindness. Thank you.
Now on to today.
I have not replied to any of James' messages. I blocked him on all devices. I feel like I basically told him was over and he knew that. I have messaged a few of our mutual friends back saying that I would really appreciate it if they would just drop it, that everything is okay with me but the relationship is over between us. A post said I didn't have to explain the situation completely, so I did that; they seemed very understanding except one replied saying "over a one time incident? Get real lol but w/e so long as you're happy" It didn't really bother me, because I know the TRUTH. It was hurtful that James may have lied, but I'd rather surround myself with people who value honesty.
I also invited my best friend over and asked him if he could help me box all of James' belongings to which he agreed right away. He kept asking me what happened, and if I was okay so I showed him this post and he was disgusted. He apologized for laughing when I had tried to tell him earlier because he said he didn't know it was so serious. He offered to take James' belongings to him, but I made him promise to not be hostile or I'd ask someone else. He agreed.
We spent a lot of the day in my apartment... when the front door opened. It's hard for me to articulate myself, but I'll try to type it exactly as it happened: We both heard it and stopped talking immediately. It was James.
I'm not going to lie, I was immediately frightened and maybe I could have handled it better but I kind of just stood there. I just didn't expect to see him, he has never showed up at my home or work without a warning. My friend asked him "What the gently caress he thinks he was doing here." James kept staring at me and ignored him saying "I thought you were dead or something, why have you been ignoring me?"
My friend stepped in front of him and handed him one of the boxes and told him he could take his stuff and leave, that it was over and I didn't want to talk to him. James laughed and made a move towards me and said I needed to talk to him alone, but my friend moved in front of him and told him that he shouldn't be in my house uninvited, that it was illegal and he was going to call the police. Then James got really mad and twisted his face all weird and I can't explain it but he started yelling and it was like he wasn't the same person at all.
He called me a slut and a oval office and said that I was some ridiculous princess and he just kept going, my friend telling him "That's nice, now you need to leave or I'm gonna make you." And then James threw down his box and punched my friend in the face. I don't remember exactly, but my friend fell back and James came up to me and he grabbed me and started shaking me saying I was stupid for throwing this all away and that I was probably sleeping with my friend. I was very afraid and I couldn't believe this was happening.
My friend got up and grabbed him by the back of his shirt and threw him off me and shoved him out of my apartment. James ran away down the hall kicking people's doors and screaming. My neighbor had come out of his apartment and asked what was going on and I told him to call the ambulance because my friend was bleeding from his nose, I was so embarrassed. At the hospital I kept embarrassing myself crying and apologizing to my friend while we were in the waiting room. His nose is broken, he keeps making Owen Wilson jokes/impressions, but he is okay.
Now, I am at my friends house because I am afraid to go home. he said I can stay with him for as long as I need to. I feel really awful that my friend got his nose broken because I was a bad judge of character. I also feel really guilty that I got so scared I just kind of stood there and let my friend get hurt.
My friend is taking me to the police station to file a report but I just want this whole thing to be over, but he is being insistent because I need to do this to ensure my safety. This is my first relationship and I don't even know if this person was real, I didn't think this was even possible to happen. I don't understand what I missed and I feel like I'm vibrating inside because of how frightened I am. I want to go home to my apartment but I'm afraid he will come back. The way my head is does not make any sense. I feel ashamed even writing all of this because it was from something so small and juvenile so i don't know I'm just handling it weird or my head it blowing it completely out of proportion.
How do I proceed now, after I file a report. Has anyone been in this same situation before? How do people hide that kind of anger for over a year? Why did this happen? I'm sorry for the questions, but I just can't make sense of my own thoughts right now.
tl;dr: my ex boyfriend came to confront me and hurt my friend, how do I make him stay away and get back to normal?
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Sep 17, 2019 21:26
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- Hellblazer187
- Oct 12, 2003
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Is there a single story in this thread where a man says "you're overreacting" and it turns out he's not a gigantic piece of poo poo? It seems to be like center square on abusive rear end in a top hat bingo.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:30
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- StrangersInTheNight
- Dec 31, 2007
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ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
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[UPDATE] My [23F] boyfriend [25M] of 1yr is starting to gross me out and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. [/r/relationships]
I know a lot of people were suggesting that I do the same thing to him, or retaliate in the same way and it might sound nice to entertain that fantasy but I'm really not like that. I will never let someone elses actions define who I am as a person. I know I will never try to intentionally hurt someone and that makes me have faith in myself.
awwwwwwwww. this is the best thing i've read all day, thank you. gives me hope.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:31
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- Meme Poker Party
- Sep 1, 2006
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by Azathoth
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'My WiFi has been saying this for 22 years... is this a mindlife crisis?'
Good lord these two. Over two decades of this.
Hmm, better update the firmware.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:33
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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[36F] My husband is in prison [38M]. I have been speaking to a man, and feel something but I can't tell if I'm just missing male attention or what.
quote:My husband is in jail right now, I'll have to wait another year for him to be out.
I am so lonely. I have to drop our three kids off at mine or his parents house, and then go to work. This hasn't been good at all for our family.
To say our marriage was good before he went to jail, would be a lie. I feel as if he did not appreciate me. I would take of our kids, clean the house, laundry, dinner, everything you can think of, and if I even had asked him to help there would always be an excuse that I had just stopped.
He wouldn't take me out on dates, he did not behave like the man I met. I felt neglected, like I was a maid.
While he's been in jail has not been fun either, it's been worse. Now I seriously don't have any time to do anything. I have to rely on other people to watch my kids which I HATE doing, don't get me wrong his parents like having their grandkids over, but I just do not like having to depend on people. I've always hated that feeling.
As of now the kids are growing up without their father, although he does not have much time left.
I have been speaking to a man. He makes me feel emotionally better than my husband has in a long time. It's like he actually cares... he cares about how my day has been, what's been going on in my life, how I'm feeling. I'm also angry at my husband for getting himself in this position in the first place.
Now... I'm not going to physically cheat on my husband who is in jail. That sounds just evil... that's not who I am. Right now I feel even bad for still talking to this man. I'm just confused, I feel like I need time away from everyone and everything. But I can't leave my kids, school is ending.
What should I do? Tell this man I'm done talking to him? Still continue to talk to him? My head hurts, my heart hurts, everything hurts.
TLDR: Husband is in prison, our marriage wasn't doing good before he went to prison. Now it's even worse, I have been enjoying talking to a man. Feel guilty about it, want to stop talking to him and don't at the same time. Lost, confused, lonely, feel stupid, etc.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:36
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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I (40M) am being left by my wife (40F) after 22 years being told that she has already wasted half of her life with me and now she’s done. What do I do?
'My wife has been saying this for 22 years... is this a mindlife crisis?'
Good lord these two. Over two decades of this.
They're both complete idiots.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:39
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- goethe.cx
- Apr 23, 2014
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[36F] My husband is in prison [38M]. I have been speaking to a man, and feel something but I can't tell if I'm just missing male attention or what.
I feel like this is one of the few situations where cheating wouldn’t be bad. As long as the husband never finds out because then the dude might get murdered
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Sep 17, 2019 21:40
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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I wish this one wasn't deleted because it's a 22 year old girl asking if she should wait for her boyfriend to get out of prison after a year.
They've been dating for 90 days.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:42
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- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
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They're both complete idiots.
Its a surprise she didnt leave him in their 20s and it is a huge surprise she hasn't cheated on him.
Its literally 2 completely incompatible people putting up with the other for 2 decades hoping the other changes.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:44
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- chitoryu12
- Apr 24, 2014
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My (26F) boyfriend (36) just went to prison for 1-2 years without telling me
quote:Over the last ten days or so, he was very distant. He didn't take a single one of my calls and was short and vague with his texts. He made it clear there was something going on, but he couldn't tell me what. I have heard absolutely nothing from him in the last few days.
I got fed up with the complete lack of communication and googled him. I found an article from the other day that said he plead guilty for embezzlement this week for about a hundred grand. This crime happened about ten years ago, and from the other articles I found from a couple years ago, it looks like he probably thought the issue was resolved when he admitted to it and was disbarred three years ago. Guess not!
I knew he was no longer practicing law, but he seemed to love what he has been doing for work for the last few years, so it never occurred to me to ask him why he was no longer a lawyer.
He went to prison this week the same day of the trial. The prison he's in says his minimum sentence is one year and max is two years. Two days before the trial, he texted me out of nowhere and said that he added me to his life insurance.
I just don't understand why he would add me to his life insurance but keep me in the dark about the whole trial. I imagine he was ashamed to tell me, but a heads up would have been great.
I friend requested his best friend and his sister on Facebook, so I'm hoping one of them will be willing to talk to me and fill in some blanks.
I feel insane for not just immediately letting go of our relationship and washing my hands of him. This happened ten years ago, and the person I know wouldn't do something like that. Also, what if there's another side to the story I don't know, and he had to plead guilty for a lesser sentence because the risk of the full sentence was too great?
My plan right now is to talk to the sister and/or friend and then write him a letter. I already went on the prison website and sent him a care package with some snacks I know he likes. I can't even visit him for a minimum of 3 weeks because I'd have to get a criminal background check to be allowed, and that's after he puts me on his visitor list.
This is just so insane. I'm having a "Is this my life?" moment. I keep replaying the courtroom video in my head and can't believe it's him. I go from just complete calmness (denial?) to feeling sick and betrayed.
I'm not sure what I'm asking, but please answer anyway!
tl;dr: My boyfriend went to prison for a year or two and didn't tell me. I don't know what to do.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:47
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- Grape
- Nov 16, 2017
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Happily shilling for China!
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Again, it would just take less words to say, 'yes, I am American'.
"Owning the dumb Yanks" doesn't quite work so well when it's denying participation in huge racist empires.
Like stick to laughing about having healthcare or something.
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Sep 17, 2019 21:50
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