/r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > /r/relationships: Memento Mori Lasagna

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

Who has that much free space in their freezer? Maybe if this guy had gone shopping he wouldn't have had to defy the Geneva Conventions for a wily 8 year old

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:26

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# ? May 31, 2024 10:20

cock hero flux: Apr 17, 2011

any child left unattended in the bathroom for over 30 seconds will have somehow killed themselves on purpose to spite you

outside of a bathroom they will instead seek out their natural prey, household pets

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:28

A Wizard of Goatse: Dec 14, 2014

bell jar posted:

this derail is making me wish i could get locked in a bathroom and drink bleach

the power was inside you all along

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:29

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

the power was inside you all along

The bleach wasn't though.

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:32

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

Mr. Lobe posted:

I wonder what would happen if you called the cops. Please note: I am not endorsing this course of action.

It definitely qualifies as animal abuse.

:shrug:

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:39

Chairman Mao: Apr 24, 2004; The Chinese Communist Party is the core of leadership of the whole Chinese people. Without this core, the cause of socialism cannot be victorious.

Mr. Lobe posted:

I wonder what would happen if you called the cops. Please note: I am not endorsing this course of action.

They'd shoot the cat.

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:40

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Chairman Mao posted:

They'd shoot the cat.

Nah, they'd shoot everyone then aggressively interrogate the cat.

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:52

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

FilthyImp posted:

Teach for America is the most common way to do this and still look like you're a competent school. Throw some idealistic person in there for 2 years, fail to improve, flame out and leave. Person spends the rest of their lives saying how they have Real Classroom Experience and the school gets the next batch of useful idiots while the kids suffer.

TfA workers get like a 15 hour course on how to Teach and then are thrown to the lions. It's loving sick.

Eh, I mean honestly having gone through the whole creditation process and student teaching, in a state known for good education stuff?
The only way (ironically) to learn how to teach is to go in a real classroom and do it imo.

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:52

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

Just remember that cops are the physical embodiment of :blastu:

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:55

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

Foo Diddley posted:

Well, not ignoring the kid in the first place. I mean, if you agree to watch someone's kid you have to actually loving watch them. None of this passive agressive "well you can leave the kid here but I'll be locked in my bedroom the whole time" bullshit. If the kid gets up to mischief because you couldn't even be bothered to be in the same goddamn room, whatever that kid did was your fault. Reddit OP is absolutely the rear end in a top hat here

Potentially murdering an animal is not "mischief". What the gently caress kids do you know?

# ? Sep 18, 2019 23:57

StrangersInTheNight: Dec 31, 2007; ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON

I think that person is saying you shouldn't just leave a kid alone bc kids can get into poo poo pretty quickly and turn things upside-down, not suggesting that what this specific kid was only some light mischief.

But that really only applies to little little kids - by 8 you're not really in 'cupboard mischief' stage anymore

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:03

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

quote:

I've been with my partner for 8 years, we have a 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. Our relationship has been a little rocky, partly due to his highly demanding job in the restaurant industry, but we love each other deeply, and always will. He has been the head chef of a relatively successful restaurant for 3 years now, and is the only source of income for our family, since I left my job in the charity sector to look after our children.

For the past 4 or so months he has been floating the idea of starting a 'restaurant for magicians', with increasing seriousness and dedication. It is not obvious what this entails, so I ought to explain. He envisions a restaurant which, unbeknownst to the general public, is littered with magical props: levitating tables, bending cutlery, and torn-and-restored menus, to name a few. The meals served to customers can be requested to have particular playing cards secreted inside, to allow for spectacular reveals, and if you ask a waiter to think of a card, he will always say the 7 of Hearts. The idea here, it seems, is to allow for an enviroment where men on dates (who are in on the scheme) are able to impress their companions with seemingly spontaneous magic tricks requiring little skill, or where amateur magicians can go to perform relaxed impromtu shows.

I'm going to reserve my commentary on the merit of this idea until later (I imagine you can guess), but I should explain that my husband has never shown a remote interest in magic until around 4 months ago, when he met his friend, who in this post we will call Chris. Chris is something of a magic enthusiast, and since meeting him my husband has become encapsulated by this idea (I am using this throwaway account because Chris is an avid Reddit user). Over the past two weeks Chris has conviced my husband that he ought to quit his job and use all of our savings to start this restaurant, which would burden our family with an enormous amount of financial uncertainty. We had a huge fight about this two nights ago, during which I said some things that I have come to regret, insulting his restaurant idea, his cooking, and his new friend Chris.

During this fight my husband argued that he ought to be allowed to follow his dreams, and that his idea is good because 'Chris came up with it and Chris is a magician and magicians are smart'. This honestly does not seem like the man I fell in love with, who was creative but also pragmatic and level-headed. His fixation on Chris seems to have massively clouded his judgement, and I don't believe it is possible to rely on this 'restaurant for magicians' idea to feed our family of four.

How can I convince my husband that this idea is bad without hurting him or damaging our relationship? He is incredibly sensitive about it, and would seemingly jump through 1000 hoops to come to the defence of Chris, a person he DID NOT KNOW just 4 months ago.

TL;DR My husband's bizarre idea for a restaurant is going to leave our family without financial support, how can I convince him of this?

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:03

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

I'm saying it's not a natural assumption that an eight year old who is out of sight for some small amount of time will get up to something that extreme.
Eight year olds are at the age where they drat sure know what that would do and what would happened.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:04

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

is chris perhaps an accomplished hypnotist

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:06

Antivehicular: Dec 30, 2011; I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

Husband is dreaming of a romantic first date with Chris involving multiple card tricks

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:07

DragQueenofAngmar: Dec 29, 2009; You shall not pass!

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

I need this to get an update like I need oxygen oh my god :allears:

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:07

Mr Snips: Jan 9, 2009

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

now watch as I make this marriage disappear

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:10

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

How about a business venture where they make Heelies magically appear on dogs?

Also:

Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:

is chris perhaps an accomplished hypnotist

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:15

Hellblazer187: Oct 12, 2003

Lmao I absolutely love this one. The title alone is such gold.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:15

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

I'm sorry to inform you that Chris has been making his sausage disappear. Disappear into your husband's butt

Can't wait for this future episode of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:21

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Also i cant get over the whole "customers using magic tricks to get in their date's pants" aspect

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:22

Grape: Nov 16, 2017; Happily shilling for China!

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

Jesus christ I want to watch this episode of whatever its from.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:24

Pick: Jul 19, 2009; Nap Ghost

Mr Snips posted:

now watch as I make this marriage disappear

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:32

dudeness: Mar 5, 2010; Cat Army; Fallen Rib

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

quote:
(I am using this throwaway account because Chris is an avid Reddit user).

Something tells me that perhaps you are not as anonymous in this than you think.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:32

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

dudeness posted:

Something tells me that perhaps you are not as anonymous in this than you think.

Well, at least when Chris sees it, he can't go scrounging through OP's post history.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:36

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

So how many pounds of coke is OP's husband snorting every hour?

e:

quote:

RealisticSandwich [score hidden] 36 minutes ago

Even expert magic tricks are kind of stupid. We know magic doesn't exist and he didn't do anything magic, so he's just some guy in a top hat waving a scarf around.

[�]Tzuchen [score hidden] 27 minutes ago

Now imagine that same dude getting tangled up his in scarf as the top hat slips off his head, knocking over the wine. "Hey, you guys put the wrong playing card in this menu and now everything is ruined!"

I would absolutely go to that second restaurant.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:41

Bored: Jul 26, 2007; Dude, ix-nay on the oice-vay.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Did Mrs. Pence refuse to open the relationship to horses?

E: Content!
I (21M) laughed at my girlfriend's (21F) use of Microsoft Powerpoint during sex. How do I rekindle our relationship?

What the gently caress did she expect when using PowerPoint transitions for her nude presentation? It's pretty loving funny.

Frog Act posted:

What is the nicest way to tell my (F24) boyfriend (M24) that he is gross and needs to clean himself like a normal functioning adult?

Update:

Naw. She should be proud of that.

Bored fucked around with this message at 00:50 on Sep 19, 2019

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:42

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Bored posted:

What the gently caress did she expect when using PowerPoint transitions for her nude presentation? It's pretty loving funny.

Thats why you always, always use a star wipe. It's the sexiest transition for presentations

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:46

Xik: Mar 10, 2011; Dinosaur Gum

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

You're in for a treat, read the rest of the story. There are two images to pull up in the Twitter post.

Oh, uh "thanks" (I guess)? I mean I'm loving laughing but also shaking my head that of course this ridiculous fetish has incestuous origins.

DemoneeHo posted:

Thats why you always, always use a star wipe. It's the sexiest transition for presentations

*furiously scribbles down notes*
in your opinion what is the least sexiest transition

# ? Sep 19, 2019 00:59

BOOTY-ADE: Aug 30, 2006; BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

Easy - get one of those trick boxes for sawing someone in half. Write "YOU" on one side & "FAMILY" on the other. Pull the box in half & say "this is what'll happen if you start this dumb loving restaurant"

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:02

Haifisch: Nov 13, 2010; Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!; Taco Defender

AITA for taking the last "good" donut?

quote:

So I've been a bit conflicted about whether or not I did something wrong here. So I work in the tech industry and my company occasionally buys food for the whole office, grunts and exec's all welcome to partake in it. Today it was donuts, and as soon as I heard about it I rushed inside, because I wanted to get one of the "good" donuts before they had all been taken.

Well I get there and a line has formed so I stand at back and watch in horror as all of the people In front of me take the appetizing donuts, leaving nothing but those weird dry shriveled sphincter donuts. The person in front of me steps forward to collect his prize from the donut box, and at this point I notice the person before him had only taken half a "good" donut, so if the person in front of me doesnt take it, I will.

The person looks into the box and weirdly enough walks away without taking anything, so I swoop in and grab the donut. A second or two later he walks up to me with plate in hand, and angrily tells me that it's HIS donut, and that he stepped out of line to grab a plate about 5 feet behind us, and that I had to give him the donut. I felt that I had right to it since I had picked it up first, but I still offered him half. He got more upset, telling me that I'm being rude, selfish, and that my actions don't represent the company well, so at a point I just walked away.

Maybe I should have just given him the donut to avoid all the trouble or not have swooped in so quickly and just have waited to see if the guy was just stepping away momentarily, but was I actually in the wrong here?

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:13

bell jar: Feb 25, 2009

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:17

Motronic: Nov 6, 2009

luxury handset posted:

if a 32 year old man is behaving like a substantial alcoholic

Based on the comments this is an improvement from his coke addiction.

This is a real gem of a "friend".

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:21

DemoneeHo: Nov 9, 2017; Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca

Xik posted:

*furiously scribbles down notes*
in your opinion what is the least sexiest transition

The zooming in transition

You dont want a tasteful picture of your breasts to be interrupted by zooming in to a pic of your genitalia

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:21

Toilet Terror: Aug 5, 2006; Swirlie

BOOTY-ADE posted:

Easy - get one of those trick boxes for sawing someone in half. Write "YOU" on one side & "FAMILY" on the other. Pull the box in half & say "this is what'll happen if you start this dumb loving restaurant"

Counterpoint: at the end of that trick you put the two halves back together.

Basically what I'm saying is this needs to happen.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:23

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Mr Snips posted:

now watch as I make this marriage disappear

lmao

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:25

goethe.cx: Apr 23, 2014

larry david has a reddit account now

AITA for (temporarily) taking someone�s speaker who was playing music in a bus

quote:

I had to take a long bus ride today (~5 hours).

Not the most comfortable thing but I�m doing some work and waiting it out.

About halfway into the bus ride, some woman starts playing music aloud on a speaker.

I figured it was an accident at first and she�d turn it off, but she doesn�t.

She gets lots of irritated eye rolls and death glares from passengers. Someone even went up to the bus driver, but what could he do, he had to drive the bus. She also had two kids with her so I think that kept away people who otherwise would�ve confronted her.

I was hoping to take a nap before arriving at my destination and couldn�t drown out this sound.

I went over and asked politely if she could turn that off and she said pretty evenly �no I can�t.� There was about five minutes of back and forth that can be best summarized as Me: You are bothering everybody and this is wildly inconsiderate

Her: you don�t speak for everybody and my kids like the music. I paid for this bus seat and I can do what I want.

So then I did something I�m not proud of. I took the speaker, put it in my briefcase, and set the combination lock.

As a show of good faith, I gave her my briefcase to hang onto for the remainder of the trip, to be clear I was not trying to steal her speaker. I just said, very ticked off at this point �I�ll open it when we get there since you clearly aren�t responsible enough to handle a speaker.�

They tried to get the bus driver involved but he basically said �stop bothering me while I�m driving or I�ll have to remove you.�

I have a feeling I�m the rear end in a top hat but also what else was there to do in that situation?

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:30

Midnight Voyager: Jul 2, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

DemoneeHo posted:

Also i cant get over the whole "customers using magic tricks to get in their date's pants" aspect

That's a straight-up PUA thing

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:37

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Haifisch posted:

I was dumped over suicide wings

This is like the most hilarious story I've read in months in this stupid thread. Satanic inferno poops?!! A girlfriend who is intensely angry over the name of buffalo wings?!! An analogy implying abortion is murder?!! Just plain incredible.

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:46

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 31, 2024 10:20

Pigsfeet on Rye: Oct 22, 2008; I'm meat on the hoof

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32F) husband (36M) wants to start a 'restaurant for magicians', and it is tearing our family apart

Mandrake gestures hypnotically, and the appetizer appears!

# ? Sep 19, 2019 01:56

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