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Wasn't Benny the Snake a huge incel or am I thinking of someone else (like 5 different people at least lol)
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Oct 14, 2019 00:46
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He was such a massive failure to mature on so many levels, I think his celibacy didn’t even make the top ten list of priorities.
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Oct 14, 2019 01:01
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El_Elegante posted:He was a pretty hosed up guy. I’ve never been an e/n regular but after the financial crisis there was a train of hikikomori including him and the aptly named Manchild King. I remember earnestly trying to convince/teach Manchild King to do his own laundry. Someone else was trying to teach him to cook an egg. "Good" times!
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Oct 14, 2019 01:04
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lol poor benny does anyone remember that guy who was posting all these bizarre rambling stories in cc about having sex with a dad (i don't remember if it was his actual dad or a dadlike figure) and every one of them had a climactic moment where someone exposed their crotch to reveal "a small golden bean worth exactly one million us dollars"
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Oct 14, 2019 01:28
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lol that owns
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Oct 14, 2019 01:36
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Every one of those posts was gold, although I dare not speculate on their street value
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Oct 14, 2019 01:55
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fauna posted:lol poor benny I did the maths on this and worked out it would be a 34 pound sphere the size of a large grapefruit so the biomechanics of dangling one from your weiner were questionable
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Oct 14, 2019 03:20
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sebmojo posted:I did the maths on this and worked out it would be a 34 pound sphere the size of a large grapefruit so the biomechanics of dangling one from your weiner were questionable
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Oct 14, 2019 04:57
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Okay now I gotta find the posts where Benny returned to the forums, rolled with the punches, and explained how he had learned his lessons from the feedback and was on a much better path. It totally happened. Edit: Ehhh, can't find anything, I'm bad at this... but I do remember him doing a cool, self-aware up-turn Drunk Nerds has a new favorite as of 05:07 on Oct 14, 2019 |
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Oct 14, 2019 05:02
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Drunk Nerds posted:Benny returned to the forums, rolled with the punches, and explained how he had learned his lessons from the feedback and was on a much better path. It totally happened.
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Oct 14, 2019 06:02
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A damning indictment
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Oct 14, 2019 06:23
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Drunk Nerds posted:Okay now I gotta find the posts where Benny returned to the forums, rolled with the punches, and explained how he had learned his lessons from the feedback and was on a much better path. It totally happened. I think it was actually in the Blue Story thread, closer to the end. BtS was the one whose mother threatened to smash the TV because it played unchristian programming as well, right? e: yup, or close enough. Mom freaks out over TV show-now wants us to throw out our stuff. Fleta Mcgurn has a new favorite as of 07:07 on Oct 14, 2019 |
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Oct 14, 2019 07:04
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I lost it at "Spring was in full orgasmic explosion." Amazing.
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Oct 14, 2019 07:05
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Just lol at anyone who thinks Avs even needs a username for post recognition. Obviously not everyone is that stellar but posters frequently have a style / gimmick.
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Oct 14, 2019 10:28
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fauna posted:lol poor benny His name was Kwasimodick and he was banned for his art. When I turned 18, dad forced me to go with him to the casino. I was scared, I had never been to such a place before, and it was very smoky. He took a big puff of his cigar and then blew the smoke in my face, laughing. I didn’t know him that well, my mother had raised me. He took me to the craps table and told me to blow on the dice. He lost $200 on that roll and started yelling at me. I got really nervous, plus I hadn’t eaten literally all day. He was snacking in the car ride the whole way, but when he offered me some of the pretzel chips I refused because I have a gluten allergy. Plus, I was nervous about making crumbs in his Mercedes. He told me to wait behind some slot machines and after 15 minutes he came back with two whiskey drinks. I had never tasted liquor before and I didn’t like it but he told me to hold my nose and pour it down my throat. I did what he said, I didn’t want him to be upset again like at the craps table. I started to feel ill almost immediately after drinking that foul liquid. Next on the agenda was roulette. As the dealer was calling last bet, Dad yelled at me to select red or black. I was really hesitant and nervous, unsure of which to pick, and we missed the bet. This made him really upset. On the next one I said black and of course it rolled red. He lost $50 and asked me if I had any money to give him to pay for that “mistake”. After blowing his last $100 on pai gow, a game which neither of us understood, we went up to the hotel room. I was feeling quite woozy from the drink and the lack of food. My dad is a pretty big guy, I’d say around 250 pounds and at least six-foot-two. I’m an effete 140 pounds and five-foot-seven. “You got your mom’s weak genes” he’d said in the car ride to the casino. He had been running a bath, and after a few minutes of watching some religious show on the TV he told me to get undressed and get in the water. The tub was filled with thick bubbles, which was nice, but he started to get undressed and I could tell he was coming into the bath with me, which was not so nice. I had my eyes closed so I couldn’t see him naked. He got in the tub and sat behind me, wrapping his big arms around my tiny frame. After a minute, he stood up and told me to face him. My mouth was positioned directly at his crotch. I’m an old man now, but looking back on that night I distinctly remember the rush of pride and happiness I felt when my eyes met with a sight which I will remember for all my days: dangling from his groin was a tiny, golden bean, with a street value of approximately 1 million US dollars. And the post that banned him Nova - 712 words I felt so proud driving my new car around. Gassing it up to 100 on the highway made me feel excited. Honking the horn at red lights made me laugh. I didn’t give a drat about what that car cost me. Yeah, I had to sleep in bed with dad for half a year to get the Nova. After mom died, Dad had no luck dating. We met a few of his first dates: friendly, cool women. After each date he’d return to the house and tell us about how he hosed up by admitting something negative about himself or by talking about how lonely he was. Dad wanted women that were way out of his league, even with his money, and we all knew it. Him included. He never paid much attention to my sister, I guess she was too fat for him. But me, he always liked me. Around the time I entered middle school he would grab my hips and pull me towards him, lining us up. “This is how you were born!” he’d say, making no sense. Date after date after date, and never a second meeting. He blew it with every nice woman in town. Every once in a while he’d go out with someone that liked him, but afterwards at home he’d tell us about all of her flaws and why it wouldn’t work. Then, after my sister went to bed, he’d come into my room wearing a speedo and try to hug me. After awhile he became bold and declared his scheme: if I slept in bed with him every night for 6 months, he’d buy me a used Pontiac Nova. He didn’t specify what year, but I had to think about it for a whole five minutes before I agreed. In the beginning I was pretty grossed out by all the chip crumbs in bed and such. Mom was in charge of getting Dad new underwear, and since her death he had never replenished the stash. Stains were rampant and undeniably wrong. Every night he would spoon me. Sometimes he’d pulse a bit, breathing hard, nibbling at my ear. Other times he’d fall asleep with a hand on my shoulder. Whatever it was, I counted the days until my car. I’d be free. Finally the day came. He had a couple friends down at the dealership, two brothers, and they showed us to a late-model Nova. Did I expect better? Yeah. Was I disappointed? Not really. I didn’t say one word to either brother, but after a bunch of back-slapping and guffaws father and I were leaving the lot in separate vehicles. This was it. Later that night, as I was about to leave to pick up Megan for the first-ever ride, I could hear a noise coming from Dad’s room. He was crying. Prying the door open, he noticed me. “You’re never gonna sleep with me again, son.” I looked at my watch and then stared at his back. He was sniffling like a baby. “Since mom’s gone you don’t need me any more.” I didn’t know what to do, but I had to get out of there to pick up Megan soon. “Why… why don’t you come down to Jamingo’s Pizzeria with us, dad? It’ll be cool.” He turned around, bottle of whiskey in hand, with a huge smile on his face. “Do ya mean it??” he asked. When I answered in the affirmative, he scooped up his waist size 44 pants and dashed over to me with a huge alcohol-laden hug. I got in the driver’s seat while he took up most of the back of the car. After picking up Megan, who was definitely more than a little disappointed upon discovering the identity of my first passenger, we were making our way to Jamingo’s at last. On Nutler street the lights shot up behind me and I knew I was being pulled over. Dad was farting and belching rapid-fire in the back seat. The policeman shined his light and saw dad’s crack and immediately drew his pistol. It was all over. Years later, I think about what that car cost me. If I could get rid of the Nova and have my dad back, I’d do it in a second.
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Oct 14, 2019 10:45
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:I’m an old man now, but looking back on that night I distinctly remember the rush of pride and happiness I felt when my eyes met with a sight which I will remember for all my days: dangling from his groin was a tiny, golden bean, with a street value of approximately 1 million US dollars. thank you
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Oct 14, 2019 10:58
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Why didn't that post win the Nobel prize? Not even necessarily the one for literature - peace, maybe!
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Oct 14, 2019 13:20
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Dad was farting and belching rapid-fire in the back seat. The policeman shined his light and saw dad’s crack and immediately drew his pistol. It was all over. I am, without hyperbole, loving crying from laughter
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Oct 14, 2019 18:50
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Dad was farting and belching rapid-fire in the back seat. The policeman shined his light and saw dad’s crack and immediately drew his pistol. It was all over.
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Oct 14, 2019 19:36
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was the ban just because it didn't end in a tiny, golden bean, with a street value of approximately 1 million US dollars?
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Oct 15, 2019 00:36
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Ghostlight posted:was the ban just because it didn't end in a tiny, golden bean, with a street value of approximately 1 million US dollars? Yes.
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Oct 15, 2019 01:15
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https://twitter.com/oriwa_/status/1183893235501944833?s=19 Rib Kid did nothing wrong 
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Oct 15, 2019 02:01
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Ribs have kept him looking a youthful early 20's for decades!
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Oct 15, 2019 02:15
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Nissin Cup Nudist posted:https://twitter.com/oriwa_/status/1183893235501944833?s=19 That's not the same person
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Oct 15, 2019 02:26
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A man with two loves: Ribs and the Appalachian Proletariat.
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Oct 15, 2019 02:29
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bradzilla posted:That's not the same person I want to believe, ok
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Oct 15, 2019 02:30
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I’m so glad that bradzilla is here to get to the bottom of things
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Oct 15, 2019 02:38
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Actually that is rib kid
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Oct 15, 2019 02:42
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Does anyone have a link to the thread where a goon came home and his roommate had built an tiny room in their apartment he was planning on subletting?
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Oct 15, 2019 02:43
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We’re all rib kid
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Oct 15, 2019 02:48
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GiveupNed posted:Romance in Kelowna
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Oct 15, 2019 02:48
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Why did he have binoculars in his hand when he went to the work bench?
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Oct 15, 2019 02:52
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Sid Vicious posted:Does anyone have a link to the thread where a goon came home and his roommate had built an tiny room in their apartment he was planning on subletting? I think that was a reddit post that turned up in the r/relationships thread.
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Oct 15, 2019 02:54
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Ugly In The Morning posted:I think that was a reddit post that turned up in the r/relationships thread. No it was not. A goon college student in California posted it. His roommate got some actual drywall and built a tiny 10 by 10 room smack-dab in the middle of their living room to try to take advantage of Cali rental insanity. Among other insanities the light switch for the living room was inside the new room. I'll see if I can find it but Im phone-posting at the moment.
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Oct 15, 2019 03:05
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:No it was not. A goon college student in California posted it. His roommate got some actual drywall and built a tiny 10 by 10 room smack-dab in the middle of their living room to try to take advantage of Cali rental insanity. Among other insanities the light switch for the living room was inside the new room. I'll see if I can find it but Im phone-posting at the moment. Yes!! Thanks man if you find it post it its so drat good
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Oct 15, 2019 03:06
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Search is fixed, so it won’t be long now.
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Oct 15, 2019 03:07
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Educated idiots and inevitable homelessness (goldmined). I'm pretty sure that's it because it's hard to believe that situation happened twice.
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Oct 15, 2019 03:21
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Motherfucker. You beat me by one minute. (Go read that thread though. Its amazing.)Forceholy posted:So my roommate is going to get us kicked out of the apartment.
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Oct 15, 2019 03:24
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Thank you so much guys!
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Oct 15, 2019 03:31
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El_Elegante posted:We’re all rib kid Wait, I get it now. In prison rib kids have a name. His name... is Brandon Fitzpatrick. His name is Brandon Fitzpatrick. His name is Brandon Fitzpatrick.
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Oct 15, 2019 04:05
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