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One I'd like to put forward is Mary Magdalene from last year. It's a film for absolutely no one. It's not that it's a religious film, it's just so dull on every level that I cannot imagine anyone getting anything out of it from a film making, historical or religious perspective. Oddly, I can remember it extremely clearly because i've never seen a film so dull, but so aggressively so.TrixRabbi posted:It's hard to really articulate how black the hearts of those filmmakers are. Like, this movie -- made by military bros who wanted to see military and gun culture depicted accurately on film -- ends with a potshot making fun of veterans with PTSD with a joke about one of the characters "isn't a pussy afraid of fireworks on the 4th of July." I think these guys also make Youtube videos named things like 'If veterans were in horror movies' where they just shoot everyone, missing the point of most horror movies. It's that 'Abed writes a horror movie sketch' but for gun loving bros and without any charm and far, far longer.
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Oct 31, 2019 00:56
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Snowman_McK posted:I think these guys also make Youtube videos named things like 'If veterans were in horror movies' where they just shoot everyone, missing the point of most horror movies. It's that 'Abed writes a horror movie sketch' but for gun loving bros and without any charm and far, far longer. Please tell me they did one for The Babadook
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Oct 31, 2019 01:02
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Gripweed posted:Please tell me they did one for The Babadook I only managed about 15 seconds of one before seeing the video was 15 minutes long. So...maybe?
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Oct 31, 2019 01:04
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SuperMechagodzilla posted:The issue is that the notion of a “Worst Of” list creates the idea that a worst movie is a thing that exists. Ultimately, it just ends up being an excuse to talk about films that posters didn't like. Which is fine, as far as it goes. Like all top 10 lists, it creates an illusion of structure in relation to some sort of external frame of reference where none exists, which leads to people trying to find one. Really, it's like the lumiferous aether- a fixed frame of reference which is in fact nothing but our erroneous and misleading assumption that one must exist.
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Oct 31, 2019 05:33
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Right. Just as there's no Worst Movie, there's also no Best Movie. Ranking and list making is generally just a fun exercise and a way to offer our personal feelings on these movies. And it's also why Jurassic World and Age of Ultron are just as fair game to discuss here as Heaven is For Real or Range 15 or Foodfight! If we rate good movies on a curve, for what their stated goals are intentions are, then we should also rate bad movies on the same metric.
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Oct 31, 2019 14:56
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 The Avengers (2012) After delivering 5 decent movies over the span of roughly 4 years, Marvel Studios™ switched gears to go all in on corporate pandering and marketing hype for their first big crossover event movie. Chockfull of gimmicks, quips, and fanservice, Disney’s™ Marvel’s™ The Avengers™ would lay the groundwork for future installments in their self-proclaimed cinematic universe. It’s unfortunate this attempt at epic storytelling and blockbuster filmmaking ended up being the cinematic equivalent of the endless echoes of a loud, wet, and messy fart ripped from an rear end pressed hard against an old wooden chair in an empty concert hall. Horrible dialogue, boilerplate storytelling, and god awful visuals, this is Joss Whedon’s magnum opus, and it is absolute trash. Wally Pfister said it best when he described this resulting marketing experiment as “appalling.”
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Oct 31, 2019 20:23
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This thread has inspired me to watch Book of Henry. I remember seeing the trailer way back, and thinking that the story of a precocious kid and his Mum going all Rear Window to save their neighbour was pretty bonkers. But Henry is dead for half the movie? That sounds even more incredible. There's a moment halfway through, where the Mum is practising with her illegal and untraceable sniper rifle, while listening to the tape Henry made to guide her through (i guess The Cassette of Henry tested poorly) and Henry is giving her encouragement ("nice shot! look at that grouping!") that absolutely doesn't match up with what she's actually doing. She pauses, and the absurdity of what she's doing seems about to hit her, and she almost realises the incredibly unhealthy way she's dealing with her grief. She doesn't, and continues with the plot to murder her abusive neighbour. She stops at the last minute, but luckily the school principle is inspired by the power of dance to call CPS. I think there's one word that best sums up this film: Why?
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Oct 31, 2019 21:58
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Hell Baby (some VOD trash from 2013) is an ostensible comedy about a demonically possessed fetus/infant that bafflingly. You'd think that even for a low-brow comedy, there could be some rich material to be mined- pregnancy framed as body horror, typical infant stuff parents have to deal with (pooping, puking etc.) framed as demonic possession. The movie basically doesn't touch either premise and instead is just a joyless assortment dick and boob jokes, and some toothless riffing on The Exorcist. Tom Lennon, who co-wrote and co-directed this turd, built up a lifetime of good will from The State and Reno 911, but he seems determined to burn it all based on everything he's touched since then. General Dog fucked around with this message at 23:30 on Oct 31, 2019 |
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Oct 31, 2019 23:23
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teagone posted:
Pretty rich that Pfister dropped that sick burn just as he was getting started on Transcendence, which I have not seen but is, by most accounts, pretty goddam terrible.
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Oct 31, 2019 23:28
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General Dog posted:Pretty rich that Pfister dropped that sick burn just as he was getting started on Transcendence, which I have not seen but is, by most accounts, pretty goddam terrible. Is it bad the same way that Avengers is bad? because otherwise it's not really very rich.
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Oct 31, 2019 23:30
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General Dog posted:Pretty rich that Pfister dropped that sick burn just as he was getting started on Transcendence, which I have not seen but is, by most accounts, pretty goddam terrible. Not by all accounts. Transcendence is an extremely good homage to 50’s sci-fi.
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Oct 31, 2019 23:47
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teagone posted:
When this thread got closed over the Age of Ultron thing I was thinking "Yeah that movie sucked, but the original was so much worse". Don't get me wrong, Ultron is terrible, but I felt there was some basic competence on the technical level in its creation. I still can't get over how bad 2012 Avengers looks, made for tv-movies have more style and inventive use of visual language. Pfister was right in everything he said. I don't have too many movies to add that people haven't already talked about. The Predator (2018) would be my addition. Shane Black had never let me down before, so this was a big shock. Just the editing alone was baffling. I knew something was wrong when in the opening action scene a shot of Boyd Holbrook was flipped for no reason. Movies flip shots all the time to fix eyelines etc, but this one was bad because its the flipping that fucks up the screen direction AND its noticeable because he already has a metal thing on his arm that makes the flip really obvious. And then the movie gets even worse from there. Also agreeing with Les Mis and everything else Tom Hooper has ever done. I remember the interview with him about what taking Les Mis to the big screen gave it over stage adaptions and all he could say was "Close ups", because he's a hack.
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Nov 1, 2019 04:08
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The Predator by all appearances was absolutely butchered in the edit/reshoots, but at the same time I have a hard time envisioning a good version of it even if the studio had kept their hands off.
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Nov 1, 2019 04:35
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General Dog posted:The Predator by all appearances was absolutely butchered in the edit/reshoots, but at the same time I have a hard time envisioning a good version of it even if the studio had kept their hands off. The characters and dialogue are shockingly bad.
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Nov 1, 2019 04:37
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General Dog posted:The Predator by all appearances was absolutely butchered in the edit/reshoots, but at the same time I have a hard time envisioning a good version of it even if the studio had kept their hands off. I haven't seen that last Fantastic Four movie that's supposed to be awful, but my understanding is the director wanted to make it this body horror thing, which would have been amazing, but the studio just ripped the movie to shreds until all the potentially interesting stuff was gone and nothing replaced it.
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Nov 1, 2019 04:49
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Gonna nominate Jack and Jill although I haven't seen it entirely. But from what I have seen, its just an extremely unfunny trainwreck designed to get as much product placement money into the hands of Adam Sandler and his buddies. gently caress it.
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Nov 1, 2019 09:25
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mobby_6kl posted:Gonna nominate Jack and Jill although I haven't seen it entirely. But from what I have seen, its just an extremely unfunny trainwreck designed to get as much product placement money into the hands of Adam Sandler and his buddies. gently caress it. we did get that great essay about it, though.
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Nov 1, 2019 09:49
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Snowman_McK posted:we did get that great essay about it, though. Which one is that?
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Nov 1, 2019 13:36
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General Dog posted:Which one is that? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXNsT7-Lwsk
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Nov 1, 2019 13:46
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I honestly just avoid movies I don't think I'll enjoy so I'm struggling to think of any truly wretched movies from this decade that I'd seen. But there are definitely some that come to mind that left me either disapointed, put me off, and/or had me thinking, "man what a waste". I'll throw another vote for Avengers Age of Ultron even if there are for sure many, many movies out there that are nowhere near as competent. I feel like it kind of says it all about the negative aspects of the Marvel Cinematic Universe that instead of just going ahead with the Thanos plot that they teased in the prior Avengers movie, rather they gave us this intermediate film (and perhaps even that entire second "wave" of Marvel movies or however they organize these) so the franchise could spin its wheels for a bit so we can stretch this all out for that many more years (and movies). Aside from that cynicism, the movie on its own terms completely fell apart for me in that scene where Black Widow and the Hulk (in full-on giant green Hulk mode) have a serious discussion about their relationship. I felt no indication from that scene that it was trying to be anything other than an earnest, straight-faced romantic melodrama between a femme fatale former Russian spy and a cantankerous 8 foot tall mass of green brick shithouse while hiding out from the bad guys while on a mission with an all-star team of superheoes. I simply could not buy it and just the fact that movie was asking or expecting me to do so completely lost me. It's a weird feeling to describe, like being able to see all the wires, etc. during a magic show. SidneyIsTheKiller fucked around with this message at 15:21 on Nov 1, 2019 |
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Nov 1, 2019 14:30
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SidneyIsTheKiller fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Nov 1, 2019 |
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Nov 1, 2019 15:13
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axelblaze posted:I haven't seen that last Fantastic Four movie that's supposed to be awful, but my understanding is the director wanted to make it this body horror thing, which would have been amazing, but the studio just ripped the movie to shreds until all the potentially interesting stuff was gone and nothing replaced it. Honestly what was there from the original vision was pretty solid I thought. It's kind of trucking along doing some interesting stuff then all of a sudden there's this massive shift where there's a time skip with some terrible rushed CG and bad wigs and a different tone. Even after that point the introduction of Doom works pretty well and is pretty creepy and I thought things were picking back up and then...the movie just sort've arrives at the end. Doom's introduction is effectively what you would logically assume is the end of act 2 -- the bad guy emerges and kicks rear end and leaves the team demoralized -- but then <10 minutes later they've beaten him and the entire movie is over. It basically skips an entire final act, they're just like "we need to do this to kill him!" and then they do and it's over, it was really jarring.
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Nov 1, 2019 15:38
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And finally, I have to say in all my years of moviegoing I have never felt as cheated and used coming out of a movie theater than I did after Alien Covenant. Call me dumb or naive - I own up to both - but I dunno, when you show me your posters for your movie called "Alien Covenant" and they look like these:     I don't think I'm being unreasonable to expect you're selling me an intense and frightening outer space creature feature revolving around that famous HR Giger-designed monster, a movie not unlike the film Alien which this marketing campaign is obviously trying really, really hard to evoke - and definitely wouldn't be expecting a ponderous gothic future riff on The Island of Dr Moreau centered on a snobby misanthropic robot jerk with daddy issues. Well, the latter was what I got. And I do appreciate Michael Fassbender's performance and I know certain film enthusiasts really ate up what the movie actually was offering, but you could've given me Citizen Kane and I still would've been pissed if you had vehemently promised me Alien - the only Kane I'd be in the mood for then is the one who gets a creature bursting out of his chest! I also have a bone to pick with film reviewers at large over this one, because I read a lot of reviews for this before going in and I don't feel they did an adequate job of resetting my expectations, and I think that's actually the first part of their jobs before even getting to the actual criticism. I'd read exactly one instance that mentioned the ads were something of a bait-and-switch and against the rest of the write-ups (which gave the overall impression that Ridley Scott was attempting a Force Awakens of the Alien series, oh and Michael Fassbender from Prometheus is back btw) that warning hadn't registered with me. Is it fair to judge a movie by its ad campaign? Not really. But the damage is done. Alien Covenant is my most disappointing movie of the decade.
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Nov 1, 2019 16:09
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SidneyIsTheKiller posted:
I've told this story before, but a couple of Halloweens ago I was at Walmart and siting there on the shelf for $7 was Poltergeist on Blu Ray. I"m thinking "gently caress yeah! I haven't seen Poltergeist in years!" and just snap that bitch up. Come a few days later, I pop it into the old player and I'm greeted with a poo poo rear end menu with a background of PS2 looking zombies scrolling past. Whatever, I've seen poo poo menus before, and hit play. The PS2 zombies zoom out to reveal a kid playing some game on his tablet. "WHAT THE gently caress IS THIS poo poo?!" I had either forgotten that there was a remake or had never known of it's existence before that moment. I watched the whole thing, and it made me angry how bad it is. It is so loving bad, it's not even worth watching to see how bad it is.
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Nov 1, 2019 16:35
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Iron Crowned posted:I've told this story before, but a couple of Halloweens ago I was at Walmart and siting there on the shelf for $7 was Poltergeist on Blu Ray. I"m thinking "gently caress yeah! I haven't seen Poltergeist in years!" and just snap that bitch up. That must have been quite the mindfuck  I liked the general approach they took with Poltergeist reboot, what with making the young son the protagonist and the shift in perspective that comes along with that, and it was actually a little ahead of this latest curve we're in of kid-centric supernatural horror, but they really needed to put in about 4x more  than they appeared to because as is the movie feels like "babies first poltergeist".
SidneyIsTheKiller fucked around with this message at 05:16 on Nov 2, 2019 |
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Nov 2, 2019 00:54
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What the gently caress did I loving say? Put any MCU movie up on the list just do not put Alien Covenant! That’s dingus speak and we cannot abide by dingus speak!
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Nov 2, 2019 03:14
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That's really not fair to us dinguses. 
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Nov 2, 2019 04:17
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General Dog posted:Which one is that? It was the result of a mod challenge https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3750431&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=8 the now Youtube famous Hbomberguy thought about Jack and Jill way harder than any of the people who made Jack and Jill. If you don't have archives, let me know and i'll copy paste it because it is well worth reading.
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Nov 2, 2019 04:59
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So like, objectively I know Foodfight! is the worst movie of the decade because it fails on every level a film can possibly fail on. Just personally, A Quiet Place made me the angriest. I don't think I've ever seen a film that trips over so many of the rules it goes out of its way to set up. I don't think I've ever seen a film where the physics established in a scene get dropped halfway through the same scene. I don't think I've ever seen a film brag about its cleverness, frantically try to prove it to me, and fumble it so spectacularly all at once. It felt like a WASPy suburbanite who's never left his hometown trying to condescendingly tell me how it is. You copied what you saw in better films and failed to understand what made them better. And people celebrated you. And you patted yourself on the back and reveled in what an artist you are. But you know nothing. You've learned nothing. You are nothing. And for it, I hate you. I also took my nephew to see Despicable Me 3 and I wanted to die.
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Nov 2, 2019 05:09
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Lot of people talking poo poo about about Pacific Rim itt, and one person said our only point of reference for big rear end robots was this or that something, but I feel like you goddamn nerds have forgotten that Power Rangers was a thing and involved multiple pilots controlling a big rear end robot that smashed monsters. Maybe we didn't all watch anime or read mangas or whatever but we do still probably have some frame of reference for robots vs monsters and, for me at least, Pacific Rim kicks rear end. The sequel is straight garbage though.
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Nov 2, 2019 09:46
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I'm pretty sure I'm the one who made the Gundam comparison, and that was more a general thing about how it focused more on the relationships between the pilots (who are all barely one dimensional except for, if I'm being generous, Rinko Kikuchi and Idris Elba) than giving any sort of discernable individual character to the monsters. The only part of that movie that even kind of works is the part where Ron Perlman and Charlie Day had to survive an attack from ground level.
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Nov 2, 2019 10:27
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I Before E posted:I'm pretty sure I'm the one who made the Gundam comparison, and that was more a general thing about how it focused more on the relationships between the pilots than giving any sort of discernable individual character to the monsters. Then that's a very bad comparison, because Gundam famously gave as much characterization to the antagonists as the protagonists. That's what made the original Gundam such a revolution, it was the first big mecha series to have the bad guys be just other people with different motivations, as opposed to the giant monsters of a Mazinger Z or a Getter Robo. To the extent that, early on in the series, Zeon pilots were often more charming and likable that the protagonist Amuro Ray. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKmFgSTpdDc
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Nov 2, 2019 12:36
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Power Rangers is better than Pacific Rim in pretty much every way and I don't really think very highly of Power Rangers
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Nov 2, 2019 13:42
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Pacific Rim is fine.
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Nov 2, 2019 15:03
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Naw
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Nov 2, 2019 15:40
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The Cold Light of Day was an incredibly bad Henry Cavill vehicle that I couldn't stop laughing at.
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Nov 2, 2019 17:10
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Gripweed posted:Then that's a very bad comparison, because Gundam famously gave as much characterization to the antagonists as the protagonists. That's what made the original Gundam such a revolution, it was the first big mecha series to have the bad guys be just other people with different motivations, as opposed to the giant monsters of a Mazinger Z or a Getter Robo. To the extent that, early on in the series, Zeon pilots were often more charming and likable that the protagonist Amuro Ray. I'm not super familiar with Gundam so fair point.
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Nov 2, 2019 20:42
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It’s an all timer for me. Crank up the volume and give me some Jaeger on kaiju action
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Nov 2, 2019 21:29
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Pacific Rim is my "best movies of the 2010s" list.
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Nov 2, 2019 21:44
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I guess it’s no Power Rangers
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Nov 2, 2019 22:05
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