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E.G.G.S. posted:The Devil Inside , Deliver us From Evil, and the Emoji Movie can all wrestle in the pit I've thrown them in for worst of the decade. The Last Exorcism part 2 is dead in there somewhere as well. Oh, God, I saw The Emoji Movie while in the hospital, absolutely blasted out of my gourd on IV painkillers, and I thought was staring into the very gates of Hell.
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Nov 5, 2019 04:48
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I’ve heard about the notorious non-ending of The Devil Inside. Where does it actually cut off?
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Nov 5, 2019 04:50
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General Dog posted:I’ve heard about the notorious non-ending of The Devil Inside. Where does it actually cut off? After a lengthy documentary investigation, the protagonists (who are basically a team of ghostbustin’ exorcists) realize that Satan Himself is possessing this woman. They’re like “holy poo poo, this is out of our league! We need backup!” So they throw her in the car and rush towards a secure location, getting ready to perform the biggest exorcism ever and defeat Satan once and for all! Satan effortlessly manipulates everyone into fighting eachother. The driver, possessed, veers into oncoming traffic, and the crash kills everyone - except Satan, who escapes on foot. With no more footage, the movie cuts to black and displays the website of whoever ultimately completed the documentary. Basically, they never make it to the fireworks factory and the audience is pissed.
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Nov 5, 2019 05:41
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The Website, when it was up, contained no satisfying answers and now the site is down and it's even better. It's a movie where some priests think they're above god but they find out they're not even above Satan and they get hosed right the hell up. Then the audience, like the priests, think there will be something obvious that the will make them actually figure out what was happening, but no, there's nothing. You don't get to understand this. You can't. It rules and I understand why 99.9% of people that see it or even hear about it DESPISE it.
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Nov 5, 2019 06:04
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The Happytime Murders is a goddamn mess of a movie. The puppeteering is really good but the puppets themselves have all the detail of loving Nanalan and they've got nothing on Muppets for facial expressions. The movie is like a less bad version of Bright but still an absolute waste of time and premise with a gently caress awful script.
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Nov 5, 2019 16:39
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SuperMechagodzilla posted:After a lengthy documentary investigation, the protagonists (who are basically a team of ghostbustin’ exorcists) realize that Satan Himself is possessing this woman. They’re like “holy poo poo, this is out of our league! We need backup!” So they throw her in the car and rush towards a secure location, getting ready to perform the biggest exorcism ever and defeat Satan once and for all! It's more like a sequel pitch, yeah. Also, The Last Exorcism II whips.
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Nov 5, 2019 16:42
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I'd also like to extend an honorable mention to the concept of Please Stop Trying To Make Cinematic Universes Out Of King Arthur And Robin Hood, No One Actually Cares
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Nov 5, 2019 17:19
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They should take the Marvel approach and start with a lesser character: Make an Ivanhoe movie that ties into Robin Hood and then through the back door leads to prequels about Prince Valiant and King Arthur.
marshmallow creep fucked around with this message at 17:44 on Nov 5, 2019 |
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Nov 5, 2019 17:42
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Waffleman_ posted:I'd also like to extend an honorable mention to the concept of Please Stop Trying To Make Cinematic Universes Out Of King Arthur And Robin Hood, No One Actually Cares I for one would be very interested in listening in on a pitch meeting for Friar Tuck: The Movie.
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Nov 5, 2019 17:46
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Sir Having-His-Origin-Story-In-This-Movie
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Nov 5, 2019 17:49
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Monty Python cinematic universe reboot
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Nov 5, 2019 18:09
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Mr. Gumby, I've been expecting you. I'm from.... [Walks out from the shadows waving my legs everywhere] ....the Ministry.
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Nov 5, 2019 18:14
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A King Arthur cinematic universe would rule if they kept all the trippy as hell surreal poo poo and the tragedy of human follies, instead of trying to make it more palatable by making the heroes more 2 dimensional and the magic more mundane. Like reading the first sentences of the last two attempts: the 2004 one starts with the phrase "a demystified take" and I stopped reading there because pffffft. The Guy Ritchie one apparently makes Uther an unambiguous hero who is undermined by his treacherous brother instead of a terrible prick who sets up the downfall of his son, and also Mordred is some unrelated mage or something? Wtf? The best part of Arthurian legend is that it's full of complex characters and tragedy caused by the flaws of heroes. Turning it into a Marvel film where Arthur avenges his noble daddy and there are clear good guys and bad guys is missing the point so badly.
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Nov 5, 2019 18:30
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Hollywood has been obsessed with "realistic" and "historical" takes on Robin Hood and King Arthur for 20 years.
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Nov 5, 2019 18:36
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Legend of the sword was good, actually, although you are correct that only one character comes even close to being complex
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Nov 5, 2019 18:41
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Wasn't there that Dracula origin story that was supposed to kick start a cinematic universe? And it sucked so they tried again with the Tom Cruise Mummy.
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Nov 5, 2019 18:48
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Hand Knit posted:Wasn't there that Dracula origin story that was supposed to kick start a cinematic universe? And it sucked so they tried again with the Tom Cruise Mummy. Yes, and there was a Frankenstein one too
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Nov 5, 2019 18:50
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Hand Knit posted:Wasn't there that Dracula origin story that was supposed to kick start a cinematic universe? And it sucked so they tried again with the Tom Cruise Mummy. Dracula Untold. It was bad. Re: I, Frankenstein, at least Dracula Untold spent a few bucks on costumes and didn't just grab a gray hoodie from Target. Basebf555 fucked around with this message at 19:00 on Nov 5, 2019 |
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Nov 5, 2019 18:51
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Waffleman_ posted:Hollywood has been obsessed with "realistic" and "historical" takes on Robin Hood and King Arthur for 20 years. Unironically they need to do the exact opposite and go back to the original Robin Hood stories. All the old stories are stuff like, "Robin Hood and Little john got extremely drunk and got into an argument about who could chop the most wood, so they had a drunken firewood chopping contest where they both chopped an unrealistic amount of firewood in a very short period of time. Then they saw a priest being attacked by wolves, so they saved him but only as the first part of a complicated and nonsensical plan to steal several barrels of wine from the Church. Then King Richard came back from the Crusades and declared that crime was legal for anyone who went back to do more Crusading with him. The end." I'd watch the hell out of a movie like that.
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Nov 5, 2019 19:14
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Forum's taking a poo poo so I'll keep it to just what comes to mind in ten minutes that I've seen Batman V Superman is an ugly boring film and a lovely followup to Man Of Steel. I tried watching The Girlfriend and shut it off half an hour in and started questioning my friends' taste in films. The Last Airbender is junk of course but at least it was funny at times. Age of Ultron isn't as bad as Beavis but it's at best mediocre and at worst crap. Jurassic World was lame but I actually didn't see that much poo poo I can recall so sure here X-Men Apocalypse is a real turd from what I saw at a bar I'll be honest I don't remember most of the dogshit from the last decade. Just the middling to good. I mostly just don't watch things I think will suck 
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Nov 5, 2019 19:16
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I will confess to thinking "OK, I'll give it a shot" when Universal announced its monster movie CU but boy did they beef it from the start. Oh well.
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Nov 5, 2019 19:28
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Gripweed posted:Unironically they need to do the exact opposite and go back to the original Robin Hood stories. All the old stories are stuff like, "Robin Hood and Little john got extremely drunk and got into an argument about who could chop the most wood, so they had a drunken firewood chopping contest where they both chopped an unrealistic amount of firewood in a very short period of time. Then they saw a priest being attacked by wolves, so they saved him but only as the first part of a complicated and nonsensical plan to steal several barrels of wine from the Church. Then King Richard came back from the Crusades and declared that crime was legal for anyone who went back to do more Crusading with him. The end." Luckily for you that movie already exists: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLhYSw67pdg
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Nov 5, 2019 20:00
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Hand Knit posted:Wasn't there that Dracula origin story that was supposed to kick start a cinematic universe? And it sucked so they tried again with the Tom Cruise Mummy. Dracula Untold was so sure of itself that it ends with some guy saying “And so the game...beGINSSSS...” How many movies have come out in the last decade that are pretty much just pilots for poo poo they think they’re going to make later?
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Nov 5, 2019 20:08
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Splint Chesthair posted:Dracula Untold was so sure of itself that it ends with some guy saying “And so the game...beGINSSSS...” I thought Scary Stories To Tell in the Dark was just okay until it got to the end and the obvious sequel hook made me actively hate it.
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Nov 5, 2019 20:16
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Splint Chesthair posted:How many movies have come out in the last decade that are pretty much just pilots for poo poo they think they’re going to make later? Considering every studio has been chasing that Marvel dragon since 2012 ... all of them?
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Nov 5, 2019 20:23
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Timby posted:Considering every studio has been chasing that Marvel dragon since 2012 ... all of them? At least we appear to be free of the “turn every YA book series that made it past four volumes into eight movies” phase.
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Nov 5, 2019 20:30
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One huge problem with Tom Cruise Mummy as the start of the Dark Universe(ugh) is that they did actually give us a little taste of what future team-up films would be like with the interactions he has with Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll. And hooo boy were those scenes terrible. Embarrassingly bad.
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Nov 5, 2019 20:34
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Basebf555 posted:One huge problem with Tom Cruise Mummy as the start of the Dark Universe(ugh) is that they did actually give us a little taste of what future team-up films would be like with the interactions he has with Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll. And hooo boy were those scenes terrible. Embarrassingly bad. Yeah, oh boy, more superhero fights! That’s what everyone loved about the classic monster movies, all those stuntmen flying sideways into walls.
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Nov 5, 2019 20:54
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Basebf555 posted:One huge problem with Tom Cruise Mummy as the start of the Dark Universe(ugh) is that they did actually give us a little taste of what future team-up films would be like with the interactions he has with Russell Crowe's Dr. Jekyll. And hooo boy were those scenes terrible. Embarrassingly bad. I had forgotten all about that bit lol
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Nov 5, 2019 21:19
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Am I the only one who mostly enjoyed Les Mis? Oh well. As for movies not yet mentioned, Monuments Men is one of the dullest films I've ever seen in theaters. Someone answered a phone call in the middle of the movie and no one in the audience complained. It was that bad. Wait I just remembered that I saw Grownups 2 in theaters and got pissed off all over again.
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Nov 5, 2019 21:24
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Alhazred posted:Luckily for you that movie already exists: That's the movie where everybody who watched it as a kid now draws fanart of themselves as a sexy sloth in a throuple with the Rabbit and fox from Zootpia, right?
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Nov 5, 2019 21:45
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Speaking of aborted cinematic universes, the fact that they tried to pull this poo poo with Bond in Spectre was just insulting, especially since they tried to do it by retconning the previous movies while simultaneously pulling off a Star Trek Into Darkness style reveal for Blofeld. But no one gives a poo poo!
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Nov 5, 2019 22:04
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Prometheus looks loving fantastic to the point where IDGAF about any of its supposed flaws. Just look at that loving movie! Pacific Rim comes across as a lesson to 12 year old boys on how to treat people who are unfairly being held back. It's also a movie that hates the poo poo out of rich people to the point where its main human villain is just Mitt Romney, it explicitly says the 1% will gently caress off and hide under a mountain while lying to everybody so they can be eaten by The lead is the most boring whitebread gently caress imaginable though, and then they went and made him stand next to Idris loving Elba to make the deficiency as glaring as possible.
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Nov 5, 2019 22:04
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Cacator posted:Speaking of aborted cinematic universes, the fact that they tried to pull this poo poo with Bond in Spectre was just insulting, especially since they tried to do it by retconning the previous movies while simultaneously pulling off a Star Trek Into Darkness style villain reveal for Blofeld. But no one gives a poo poo! I'll forever be pissed off at that move because I thought given the title and the fact that Blofeld was in it, it would be relatively self-contained and would be a story that would harken back to classic Bond. So I took my 90 year old grandfather to see it because he enjoys the Connery films and it was so sad because he left the theater totally confused and really just had no chance at following that twist or understanding any of the stuff that was happening with the pictures and all that.
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Nov 5, 2019 22:08
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Arcsquad12 posted:The Crimes of Grendelwald is an utterly wretched film and easily the worst thing ever connected to Harry Potter until Rowling inevitably tops her own nonsense in an attempt to keep her franchise relevant I haven't actually seen this one, but everything I've heard about it makes it apparent that it's probably worth being on the list. I really enjoyed the first Fantastic Beasts. It had fun characters, its magic Pokemon gimmick, and essentially did a good job being a Harry Potter spinoff. It was in another time, another place, and had a different focus, but felt just connected enough. The new characters and beasts were in the forefront while the Harry Potter connections remained in the background. All was how it should have been. So then they do a movie where the Harry Potter connections are in the foreground and the new characters and beasts are shoved into the background. There's nothing about what I've heard about Crimes that Grindelwald that sounds appealing to me.
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Nov 5, 2019 22:27
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Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald isn't about fantastic beasts or the crimes of Grindelwald.
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Nov 5, 2019 22:39
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The biggest problem with Alien Covenant is that David is nowhere near as interesting as the movie really seems to think he is. Also any moment the film has where we can learn more about him in a meaningful way, aside from the opening scene, is either deeply cringy (I'll do the fingering), shoehorned into a loving tie-in work (Shaw's death), or just not shown. There are great moments and awesome ideas at work but they are just jammed to the side and buried to make room for the DAVID THE ROBOT MOVIE YAYYYY.
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Nov 5, 2019 22:42
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Gripweed posted:Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald isn't about fantastic beasts or the crimes of Grindelwald. Yeah it's so obviously this weird bridge movie between the cool somewhat stand-alone Fantastic Beasts and what they want to be this epic war between Grindelwald and Dumbledore, shoehorning these characters you loved from the first movie into the latter plot. But even then they inexplicably spend a ton of time on this weird revenge/murder mystery subplot for a character introduced and killed (I think??) in CoG which doesn't matter at loving all to either of these two main threads and just takes up a bunch of time (including the longest goddamn flashback mystery reveal for something nobody cares about that you will ever see)
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Nov 5, 2019 22:55
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Another choice here: Megan is Missing. Very few movies make me activly angry, this is one of them. Not only is thus the most shittly done Found Footage film of the decade, not only is it the absolute worst torture porn movie (very very near miss by Green Inferno there) but it's also the most totally reprehensible movie (outside of a documentary) film I've seen this decade. Made with the ~intent~ to show teens the horrors of the internet the movie revels in some of the grossest poo poo I've ever seen. The only saving grace is that despite being told these leads are young teens the actresses are very clearly mid 20's because otherwise this film would almost certainly not exist. This movie includes one of the most jaw droppingly awful dialogue exchanges of all time, hilariously awful directing, brutally bad acting, and just everything else. See all of this would be bad, but it's the last 15 minutes that propel the movie into utter dreck. Suddenly we are thrust into the most pointless, relentlessly bleak and loving miserable torture porn this side of a loving Youtube gore reel. This is one of those rare films where it's very obvious the director was activly getting off on the awful poo poo he was putting the actress through. gently caress this awful, despicable movie.
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Nov 5, 2019 23:00
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Guy A. Person posted:Yeah it's so obviously this weird bridge movie between the cool somewhat stand-alone Fantastic Beasts and what they want to be this epic war between Grindelwald and Dumbledore, shoehorning these characters you loved from the first movie into the latter plot. But even then they inexplicably spend a ton of time on this weird revenge/murder mystery subplot for a character introduced and killed (I think??) in CoG which doesn't matter at loving all to either of these two main threads and just takes up a bunch of time (including the longest goddamn flashback mystery reveal for something nobody cares about that you will ever see) They run a tragic mulatto backstory before killing off Zoe Kravitz that is so inept that her eternal flashback is interrupted by Dan Fogler showing up out of nowhere, opening a door and bringing on Wizard Nuremberg.
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Nov 5, 2019 23:14
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