- house of the dad
- Jul 4, 2005
-
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Eh. It's within the $Age/2+7 range.
You don't understand. He's OLDER than her. By multiple YEARS. I wouldn't do that.
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Nov 7, 2019 21:10
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 29, 2024 08:03
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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I'm sorry it's so tiny, it's the best I could find.
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Nov 7, 2019 21:34
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- The Bramble
- Mar 16, 2004
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it's true that age gaps matter so much less when you're older, but speaking as a 30 year old, you couldn't pay me money to date a 22 year old, bleegghhh
But what if they're really hot?
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Nov 7, 2019 21:42
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- new boot goofin
- Jul 23, 2007
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like school in july
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Boyfriend (20sM) is projecting insecurity onto me (20sF)
quote:Longtime lurker, recent poster.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year and just started living together. Almost everything is perfect as they can be. He is wonderful, the sex is great, we have the same values, and I can really see myself with him for the long haul. Marriage and kids and all.
There's just one problem. He constantly calls himself fat. Let me clear that he is absolutely not. He is the correct weight for his height. I know the issue that he sees himself as this way and I know there's not much I can do besides be there and support him. Which I constantly do. But his insecurity is starting to affect me.
I can't watch anything with him without him making a fat joke towards himself. For example, we saw IT when it came out. One of the main characters said to the other something like, "why would I like someone as fat and disgusting as you?" And he just whispers to me, jokingly, "that's you to me haha". I said nothing because that hurt. I have never once said anything horrible to him.
Another example is we watched an episode of a show we sometimes watch. A character was calling someone "fats" or "fatty" because well obviously the character is fat. My boyfriend chimes in and says "you should call me that". I just quietly said no and ignored his jokes. I used to always say "no you're not" whenever he called himself fat. I think he's becoming too reliant on that because when I didnt acknowledge him calling himself fat the other day he jokingly panicked and said, "did you call me fat?"
The conversation went something like this. Me: hey, do you want me to put the food away in the fridge? Him: nah, I may be a fatass later and just eat it after you sleep. Me: alright, I'll leave it out then. Him:...haha did you call me fat?
Obviously, I know he was joking about me not saying anything. There are times where we will be just sitting together and he will remark just how "fat" he is. I constantly deny, he keeps getting stronger with his self accusations. I feel like I'm just negatively reinforcing this so I just stopped any acknowledgement.
I dont equate fat being ugly. But he does, at least to himself. I think he is very attractive. It's superficial, but I wouldn't have swiped right on him if he wasnt attractive in my eyes. He is tall, he's got the prettiest eyes, he has a lot of forming muscle, and I fully believe he has the most perfect body. Not to mention that he is extremely caring and understanding and very romantic. I always remind him how much I love him and make positive comments on his appearance.
I just dont like the fact how he projects his insecurity on to me. I feel like he is trying to get me to agree that he is fat. He is not. He works out a lot and while he doesn't eat super healthy, that is also partially my fault as we eat out often and I cook a lot with dairy products. But for the most part, we work a ton and only see each other in the early morning or late evening on weekdays.
I know that this is mostly on him. Insecurity is a part of life. But it's getting a little unbearable with him and I want to be able to tell him that I dont appreciate how he is trying to get me to agree or something. I'm wondering what I can do to help him more and/or point out how this isnt okay without pulling at the heartstrings.
Tldr: boyfriend thinks he's fat and constantly announces it. He just started to make jokes how I think he is fat and I am not okay with it.
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Nov 7, 2019 21:43
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- bamhand
- Apr 15, 2010
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Boyfriend (20sM) is projecting insecurity onto me (20sF)
Honestly sounds more like his fetish than insecurity.
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Nov 7, 2019 21:50
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- FormerPoster
- Aug 5, 2004
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Hair Elf
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Honestly sounds more like his fetish than insecurity.
/r/relationships: Honestly sounds more like his fetish than insecurity.
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Nov 7, 2019 21:53
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- Nckdictator
- Sep 8, 2006
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Just..someone
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Hey, I’m trying to find that post from that woman who’s husband kept trying to force their daughters to watch Marvel movies and Star Wars and refused to be involved in their lives if it didn’t fit his stereotypical nerd interests. He was a huge rear end in a top hat.
Anyone have it?
Anyone?
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Nov 7, 2019 21:53
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- Frog Act
- Feb 10, 2012
-
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I [30 F] found some disturbing stuff on my BF's [30 M] laptop
quote:I've been with my boyfriend for about 3 years. Up until now, everything has been going great. We both have stable jobs (nursing), are financially independent, and have been living together for about a year. Everything about him screams "normal guy."
Last night, my laptop died and he let me use his. I was working on some stuff and he eventually went to bed. At one point, I had to download some forms to print them out and I noticed that the default folder was called "booru" and contained a lot of image files. I know it was wrong of me to snoop around that folder, but curiosity got the best of me. I figured I'd found his porn stash or something, but what I found was really weird.
In the folder were all these cartoons of furry little animals, like these weird, hamster-to-cat sized creatures who talk like toddlers. In many of the cartoons, the animals are being graphically abused by their owners. In some of them, they're bullying/assaulting each other. There seems to be a recurring theme of the animals pooping in the wrong place and getting punished for it. There was this multi-part comic about one of them getting cancer and waking up during surgery, freaking out and breaking its legs, which then have to be amputated. Later, the owner explains to it that sometimes bad things happen to people for no reason. Another, one of them gets increasingly constipated until its stomach explodes. There was one about babies being put into vending machine cans for sale to humans, with enough food in the can for a week, until they starve or drown in their waste if no one buys them by then. And another with the same premise except the dead babies are ground up into feed for their mothers.
The pictures were seriously hosed up and some made me feel a bit sick, but for some reason I couldn't stop looking at them. At this point I don't even know what to do or think. It almost seems like some weird combination of bestiality/bdsm/scat fetish, and I get that people have weird kinks, but this is a little too much. There's nothing that would have ever suggested to me that he would be into stuff like this.
So what would you do? Is it even worth talking to him at this point? I'm tempted to just move out.
tl;dr: Found messed up animal abuse cartoons on my boyfriend's laptop, what do I do?
it isn't happy tree friends, and it is too disturbing to post any examples of in this thread, but it is the 4chan fluffy baby ponies murder/rape/torture stuff. OP confirms that after a commenter guesses
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Nov 7, 2019 22:13
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- Ebola Roulette
- Sep 13, 2010
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No matter what you win lose ragepiss.
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OP is actually being super reasonable here. Hopefully once they have a healthy baby in their arms they will chill out. If time passes and they are still acting crazy, that's when you start drawing lines.
Uh I don't think expecting people to get their flu shot to be around your newborn during flu season is "acting crazy".
However flipping out about having to get said shot to protect a newborn is crazy.
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Nov 7, 2019 22:28
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- DamnitGannet
- Apr 8, 2007
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I also asked my family to get their seasonal flu shot and to make sure they had their TDAP before they came to visit my baby. It's a pretty reasonable request and my ob/gyn even told me to make sure those shots were done for anyone coming to see a newborn.
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Nov 7, 2019 22:30
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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I [30 F] found some disturbing stuff on my BF's [30 M] laptop
it isn't happy tree friends, and it is too disturbing to post any examples of in this thread, but it is the 4chan fluffy baby ponies murder/rape/torture stuff. OP confirms that after a commenter guesses
In China they sell live animal keychains where the baby turtles/lizards/fish last about a month before dying in a sealed plastic pouch.
Also, those 'sealed ecosystem' vases with the Hawaiian shrimp are not miraculous. The shrimp inside are slowly starving to death and only live so long because they can molt and 'grow' smaller.
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Nov 7, 2019 22:31
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Uh I don't think expecting people to get their flu shot to be around your newborn during flu season is "acting crazy".
However flipping out about having to get said shot to protect a newborn is crazy.
I agree that asking for records from their immediate family is crazy if there is no reason to suspect they would lie. I'm just saying OP is right in saying this is probably driven by his sister's struggle to get pregnant and going along to get along early on is probably a reasonable course of action. I think if the sister doesn't calm down by the time the kid is a few months old, that's when you should start pushing back.
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Nov 7, 2019 23:09
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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Hell, I got my flu shot with my aging parents in mind. They’re just like babies on the other end of the spectrum.
They're on the spectrum because they got the vaccine, you fool!
Edit: We make it a family event every year to go to the flu shot clinic so our kids can watch us get stuck and then get stuck themselves.
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Nov 7, 2019 23:11
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- Mrs. Dash
- Apr 11, 2009
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[29F] I received a text from my boyfriend [29M] that he claims he didn't send?
I mean I dunno about this guy but my mom got a text from me last week that I sent her around Christmas time last year and assumed she got way back then but apparently didn't recieved until 8:00am last week. The text was basically me asking to confirm what time to come over for her Christmas party. I thought it was crazy.
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Nov 7, 2019 23:58
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- Sunswipe
- Feb 5, 2016
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by Fluffdaddy
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Holy poo poo that's hilarious! Not only are they old texts, but they're old texts from VALENTINE'S DAY of all possible dates which are bound to have a better chance of being racy and suspicious. lmao
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Nov 8, 2019 00:05
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- trickybiscuits
- Jan 13, 2008
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yospos
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When he cakes you, you knee him in the balls, as he bends over in pain, you give him a wedgie. Then hose him down with a soda bottle as he's on the floor
eta: oh God, just realized this might be a fetish thing.
trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 00:41 on Nov 8, 2019
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Nov 8, 2019 00:32
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- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
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Another day in paradise.
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Slippery Tilde
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Nah, be pre-emptive and smash the cake into his mom's face. He'll either get kicked out of the family for laughing at her, or he'll have to admit that it isn't funny. There's no down side!
eta: oh God, just realized this might be a fetish thing.
Nah, this was a stupid trend in the 90s.
For my own part, I let my wife know in no uncertain terms that if she smashed me with cake the wedding would be ruined. I'd make sure of it.
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Nov 8, 2019 00:45
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- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
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Americas Funniest Home Videos has a lot to answer for.
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Nov 8, 2019 00:58
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- Clitch
- Feb 26, 2002
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I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus
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I [30 F] found some disturbing stuff on my BF's [30 M] laptop
it isn't happy tree friends, and it is too disturbing to post any examples of in this thread, but it is the 4chan fluffy baby ponies murder/rape/torture stuff. OP confirms that after a commenter guesses
I'd ghost my own wife if I found that poo poo on her hard drive. That is genuinely hosed up stuff for hosed up people.
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Nov 8, 2019 01:00
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- fauna
- Dec 6, 2018
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Caught between two worlds...
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"Look, I'm just not the girl who dates the hat guy. I like hair. I like style."
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Nov 8, 2019 01:58
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- Liquid Communism
- Mar 9, 2004
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коммунизм хранится в яичках
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WIBTA for reporting a TA at my kids' school?
My wife and I adopted 2 children. I am white with red hair and blue eyes, my wife is latino and has brown hair and brown eyes. Our kids are latino with brown hair and green eyes. (note: I am using what my wife said are the correct terms to refer to them. Apologies if they aren't)
They're both primary school age. They started in September and due to our schedules, I drop them off at school and see them in, and my wife picks them up at the end of the day.
At the beginning of the day there are no teachers watching, but at the end the teachers stand at the door and don't let the kids leave until they see their parent.
My wife was ill on Friday so I went to get the kids. The teacher saw me, I saw the kids, they saw me, they moved towards me, the teacher stopped them.
I saw her talking to them and them gesturing to me but the teacher stood between them and the door so they couldn't leave. Due to the circumstances that led to them being in the foster care system, they don't do well with adults standing between them and exits. The principal said the teachers would be made fully aware of this.
I start walking towards the door and I hear the kids speaking simultaneously, both saying something to the effect of me being their adoptive mother and saying "let us leave!" The teacher is still stood between the kids and the door and I can hear my daughter's voice shaking, like she's about to cry.
I loudly call to the teacher (who has her back to me) that I am their adoptive mother, give me my children, and they run towards me. The teacher then challenges me, saying she has a duty of care and I look nothing like them and she's met their mother who does look like them. I say that's my wife, give me my children, and show her my lock screen of me, my wife, and the kids. She lets me take my children home.
The kids say she's a TA, not a teacher, and doesn't work for either of their classes, so it's probable she didn't know, but she could have listened to any of us 3 and resolved it. My wife says she made a mistake, but what about next time? What happens if i need to pick up my children urgently (they both have mental health issues due to their early life) and she stops me again?
I want to call the school and tell them what happened and let them deal with it. WIBTA?
Edit: while I am relieved that people can't just walk off with my kids there are other steps she could have and should have taken. There's meant to be a list of people cleared for pick up and I was on it but she didn't have the list with her. When my kids said "that's our mum, let us leave" that should have been the end of it. There was no need for her to physically prevent my children leaving.
Edit 2: she stopped me because we didn't look alike. What happens if their bio parents ever show up and this TA thinks to herself "oh, well, they certainly look like the children" and the kids don't know what to do?
Edit 3: I absolutely do not want her fired. That would not be my intention. If I wanted anything out of reporting her it would be the principal/her supervisor saying "be more careful next time"
Update: My wife is still ill so I just went to pick my children up for the second school day in a row. I was waiting by the door, the TA, again, came out without the list. I went to get my children. She asked me whose mother I was. The kids came to the door and pointed me out. The TA would not let me take my children. She then gestured to a woman behind me who looks vaguely similar to my wife and kids and waited for the stranger to come over. The stranger then saw my children and said "those aren't my kids." TA then says "so where is your parent, then?" They, again, point me out, and I say "I am". She then says "do you have any proof?" I say "do you have the list?". She then tells me to hand over my ID. It shows that my name is different to my children's surnames. She then refuses to let my children leave and physically grabs their wrists to stop them walking to me. I take my license, go to the school office, tell them the situation, and a receptionist walks back to the children's exit with me and the list and then and only then does the TA let me take my children home. This is the second day running this has happened with this same TA. I am scheduling a meeting with the principal. I don't care if this makes me an arsehole or Karen or whatever, it's not happening again.
I want to reiterate my intentions are not to get her fired or anything like that, it's just that she brings the bloody list with her.
She has demonstrated 2 days running that she is more willing to give my kids to someone who looks vaguely like them or has the same surname than she is willing to actually let me pick up my children. Either she brings the list or they fix their whole pickup system, but this can't happen again.
This TA needs to be given a full-on Stone Cold Stunner.
Or, you know, just call the cops and have her done for attempted kidnapping. gently caress's sake, those kids are in the foster system, what's she going to do if their bio parents show up?
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Nov 8, 2019 02:26
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- Mordiceius
- Nov 10, 2007
-
If you think calling me names is gonna get a rise out me, think again. I like my life as an idiot!
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The company is 60% the rear end in a top hat for having such a stupid rule and the dude is 40% the rear end in a top hat for following it.
There's also no way the pay is "really good".
e: Or twist, the guy works in a chemistry or bio lab and is actually the only person who is not an rear end in a top hat in this story.
The guy isn't intentionally an rear end in a top hat, but I'm willing to loving bet that he is autistic.
He is inflexible with his understanding of the rules. He has odd noise sensitivity.
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Nov 8, 2019 02:52
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- Punkinhead
- Apr 2, 2015
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The guy isn't intentionally an rear end in a top hat, but I'm willing to loving bet that he is autistic.
He is inflexible with his understanding of the rules. He has odd noise sensitivity.
I'm on the spectrum and I totally agree.
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Nov 8, 2019 02:55
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- Liquid Communism
- Mar 9, 2004
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коммунизм хранится в яичках
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Fanfiction is generally trash, but there are also plenty of published books that are equally as bad if not more so.
The difference between trash fanfiction and trash published works is a couple hundred bucks forked over to a vanity press.
I hope she does call that girl out, and the girl shows up with a stack of Chuck Tingle books instead, for maximum chaos.
Liquid Communism fucked around with this message at 03:38 on Nov 8, 2019
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Nov 8, 2019 03:14
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- Elissimpark
- May 20, 2010
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Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.
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The first rule about parenting is that if anyone gets between you and your children then you need to kill them, immediately. No questioning, no deliberations, just action. Let your anger and rage consume your body as you enter a battle fugue. Strike without thought, merciless and devastating. When your enemy lies broken before you, begging for forgiveness or explanation, simply take your children and leave. All will recognize the cosmic order in that instant, and they will be shamed for the rest of their lives. Fight well.
Are you my wife? Unironically, I think she'd kill someone doing something like this to our kids. At least give them a mauling.
(My head canon is that you dictate your posts in a Matt Berry-esque voice to some creeping scribe and then continue with dictating your memoirs in realtime.)
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Nov 8, 2019 03:53
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- Three Olives
- Apr 10, 2005
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Don't forget Hitler's contributions to medicine.
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A lot of this is definitely a case of "Why are you with this person if you trust them so little?"
Like, if I got an out of context SMS from my SO, my first thought would be "Weird", not "She's riding someone's cock."
So I think I had been with my now husband for a year after he started having urethral discharge, he went to his doctor and his doctor was like, yeah, it's chlamydia. He insisted no, it couldn't possibly be, we are monogamous and we had both been tested after we got together. Doctor rolled his eyes and said he would test him but it was definitely chlamydia, he needed to have a serious conversation with me and gave him the meds.
So he did and I said no way possible, I was not cheating, there must be some mistake but I will go get tested. So I did, and the nurse rolled her eyes at me when I told her what was going on, gave me the medication and said I needed to have a serious conversation because you don't confuse anything with chlamydia and if I wasn't cheating he almost certainly was. She has seen this a million times and someone has always been cheating.
A few days later we heard from his doctor, he needed to come back in because holy gently caress, I was 100% sure it was chlamydia but it isn't. And my results came back negative too.
And that is the story of how my relationships survived two medical professionals telling us we are idiots because we were definitely being cheated on with nothing more than, well, I guess we will know in a few days for sure.
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Nov 8, 2019 04:02
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- DeadMansSuspenders
- Jan 10, 2012
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I wanna be your left hand man
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I can't find it, but the title is "My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc", I tried rareddit but couldn't get it there eitherquote:
I asked him, point blank, why he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter, and all he could say was "I just don't want to waste my time. We only have so much time on this planet."
quote:I'm not on this website a lot, but a friend of mine told me that the user base of Reddit leans very far towards the "nerdy" so that you guys might have more ideas on how to work on this issue.
Greg and I met in high school. We weren't high school sweethearts, but we were in the same friend group. After college, we began hooking up regularly, and established a relationship. Two years into it, we had our first daughter. Then we decided we wanted to get married, and things have been pretty great.
I guess part of this issue is mine, because it wasn't until the 10 year old daughter came to me and asked me about it that I even realized.
Greg is not what you'd call a very involved dad. He shows up for school functions as necessary, and we have family dinner most nights. But outside of those types of things, it's like he lives a separate life from us.
The 10 year old came to me recently and asked me why Dad doesn't eve want to do anything with her other than play video games or watch Star Wars or things like that. I asked her what she meant, and she said "Well remember all those times he was trying to get me to watch Star Wars? I kept telling him I didn't like it and it was boring, but he kept trying to get me into it." And I remembered that when he backed off, it was with a comment about how it was "disappointing" to him that he couldn't share his interests with his own kids.
After she brought it to my attention, I thought harder and took better notice. Greg tried to get the 5 year old into something relating to Marvel Comics and their movies, I think it was the Avengers. None of the kids had any interest in it. The 5 year old asked him if he'd read to her, and he would only agree if he could pick out -- and you guessed it, it had to be something comics related, or related to sci-fi/fantasy. She would be patient and she would pretend to like it, but the fact was that she was clearly only doing it so she could spend time with her Dad.
The 13 year old is your average teenage girl. She has a lot of different interests, but one of them is books. Right now her favorite is Children of Blood and Bone. She gave the first book to her Dad to see if he'd like it. It sat around for a week and when I asked him if he'd had a chance, he said "Not interested" and chuckled about it. I asked him if he could just read some of it and at least talk to her about it to share something, he snorted and said "Why would I do that? I'm not interested in it. If she wants to read Lord of the Rings, or the Hobbit, then we'll talk."
I guess it was that moment when I realized there really IS a problem here. Unless it aligns perfectly with his nerdy interests, he just has no capacity to show interest for the sake of spending time with his kids. Thinking back, when the kids would watch cartoons, it would always have to be Batman the Animated Series or something like that. He tried desperately to get them all into Doctor Who, but they all thought it was boring. We tried to find some common ground, and he suggested Futurama, which the girls again, think is boring, but they will sit through it with him just to spend time with him.
For the record, it extends past media (it sounds like we're all glued to the TV, we're not, but they're good examples). He's not interested in sports, where the 13 and 10 year old both play soccer, and the 5 year old does gymnastics. He never comes to their games/meets, citing that he'd rather just have some free time to himself. But if he suddenly has an interest in, say, hiking, we are expected to rally and follow him. Truthfully, we do, because again, we want to spend time with him.
(He works a standard issue 40hr/week job. It is not a stressful job, either. I work a similar job. Mine is also not stressful. We do not hurt for money in any way.)
When it comes to family vacations, we've only taken one. I really wanted to go to the Grand Canyon, and so did the girls. He acted like a child about it, honestly. And he insisted that on the drives, we had to listen to his podcasts. Which we did! And some of them were enjoyable. But on the drive back, the girls wanted to listen to In the Heights and Hamilton, and he would not stop making snide comments about it.
When I initially tried to talk to him about it, he retreated and told me that I was trying to "change" him and try to "feminize" him in some way. I have no idea where that came from, honestly. I asked him, point blank, why he doesn't want to spend time with his daughter, and all he could say was "I just don't want to waste my time. We only have so much time on this planet."
Seeing the way my daughters have brought this up to me and seeing how they feel about it, I am honestly a little heartbroken. Is there work that can be done here? Has anyone dealt with this before with their family?
tl;dr: My husband is not very interested in spending time with his kids unless it is in relation to his very specific interests. Other than that, it's a fight to get him to spend time with them. What can we do? DeadMansSuspenders fucked around with this message at 04:24 on Nov 8, 2019
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Nov 8, 2019 04:21
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- LadyPictureShow
- Nov 18, 2005
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Success!
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I can't find it, but the title is "My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc", I tried rareddit but couldn't get it there either
e: oh, ceddit has it
E: way to edit while I copy/pasted it. 
LadyPictureShow fucked around with this message at 04:29 on Nov 8, 2019
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Nov 8, 2019 04:27
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- Nckdictator
- Sep 8, 2006
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Just..someone
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I can't find it, but the title is "My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc", I tried rareddit but couldn't get it there either
e: oh, ceddit has it
Thanks! As terrible as I remembered.
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Nov 8, 2019 04:27
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- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
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I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
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I can't find it, but the title is "My (36f) husband (35m) is blatantly disinterested in our kids (13f, 10f, 5f) unless they want to do something he's interested in, like video games, watching nerdy movies, etc", I tried rareddit but couldn't get it there either
e: oh, ceddit has it
What a lovely dad. 
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Nov 8, 2019 04:32
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- DeadMansSuspenders
- Jan 10, 2012
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I wanna be your left hand man
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My (32M) parents (60's M/F) are insistent that my wife (31F) is driving a wedge through the family by not allowing them to spank our daughter (3F).
quote:My wife and I have been together for six years and married for four. We have a newly three year old daughter. We met in my hometown, where she went to college, but shortly after we met her mom was diagnosed with Parkinson’s, and she began preparations to move the 1000+ miles back to the east coast where her family lives. Although I proposed moving together to a city halfway between both of our families, she was insistent that she live near her family. Faced with breaking up, I chose to move with her. For what it’s worth, we’re very happy here. I come from a rather backwards part of the country, and I’m glad to be raising my daughter in a tolerant place.
But five years later, I am still dealing with the fallout from leaving my family. My parents especially still carry a lot of resentment towards my wife for "stealing" me and insisting that we raise our family far away. My parents have helped my sister and BIL raise my niece and nephew, taking care of them during the workday and having them sleep over once or twice a week to give my sister and BIL a break. They were DEVASTATED when they learned that we wouldn’t be moving home when we got pregnant; my mom called me sobbing every day for months and my dad sent me a lot of strongly-worded emails about how I was letting my wife “break up the family”.
To make a long story short, we visit them for one major holiday a year and once over the summer. Now that my daughter is older and active, the subject of discipline has become a major issue between me and my parents. They are traditional people and are pro-spanking. My niblings are routinely spanked for lying, talking back, and stuff like that. This always seemed pretty normal to me because all of my friends from home who have kids spank them, hell when I was a kid my parents made me go pick my own switch for the kinds of things my sister’s kids get a swat on the butt for.
The last time we visited them was for Easter. My wife emailed my parents in advance clarifying that we do not spank our daughter, and that they were to defer to us in the event that our daughter misbehaved. They didn’t respond, so she figured the issue closed, but my dad did tell me over the phone that they were extremely insulted. The day before Easter, my daughter was playing around the house with her cousins. My mom told her to stop running in the house, she didn’t stop, so my mom reflexively gave her a few smacks on the butt to show her that she needed to be minded. My wife happened to walk into the room just as this was happening, and she lost her drat mind screaming at my mom. I managed to calm her down eventually, and we stayed for Easter on the condition that my mother never discipline my daughter in any way again.
But of course THAT caused a problem, because the kids were being rowdy on Easter and my mom went to spank all three of them, but stopped before she got to my daughter. So then my niece and nephew wanted to know why they were getting spanked, but my daughter wasn’t. Since then, this has apparently become a major issue. Whenever my parents go to spank my niece or nephew, my nephew comments that they must not love them, since my parents spank my niece and nephew but not my daughter. My nephew is seven, bright, and appears to have found my parents’ Achilles heel. They are at their wits end with these comments, which drive my mom to tears every time.
We are due for our summer visit in two weeks, and my mom, dad, sister, and BIL have been calling me almost daily asking me what I’m going to do about this. They are insistent that my wife is “driving a wedge through the family” by forbidding my parents from spanking my daughter. They want me to promise that when we visit, they will be able to “fairly and equally discipline the children”. My sister and brother and law are both furious with me, since they think my wife and I are judging their parenting style and looking down on them.
This is all just becoming too much for me. I definitely don’t think that spanking is the right way to get a child to see what they’ve done wrong, but I also think that this has become way too much of an issue. My daughter is not going to have permanent mental scars from getting a spanking at my parents’ house as a toddler, but this could seriously impact my relationship with my entire family. My sister and I used to talk for an hour every Sunday night, and now she won't even speak to me unless it's to yell at me for messing up the family. My wife is absolutely refusing to budge on the issue and won’t try to compromise or muster up any empathy for me. How do I untangle this situation?
Tl;dr: wife and I moved our family away from my parents, who wanted to help raise our daughter. They are angry with me/my wife for telling them that they can't spank our daughter when we visit, even though they spank my niece and nephew.
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Nov 8, 2019 04:39
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May 29, 2024 08:03
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- Shbobdb
- Dec 16, 2010
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by Reene
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OP is actually being super reasonable here. Hopefully once they have a healthy baby in their arms they will chill out. If time passes and they are still acting crazy, that's when you start drawing lines.
We had to be dicks about vaccination records because there were some people we didn't trust. Making it a blanket statement is easier since you aren't singling the likely offenders out since they are also the most likely to freak out about it.
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Nov 8, 2019 04:41
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Nov 7, 2019 21:10
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