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quote:Professor Sex King - Big Dick Energy lyrics: You stupid dumb. You loving buffoon!
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:36 |
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# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:32 |
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dudeness posted:Shockingly, the newest hottest category of internet porn is called "Titan Cum" and is all about the huge size of these dongs. It's like the size of a real life Titan. Titan Cum timeline seems appealing at first until you learn they have a six-day workweek.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:37 |
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Rutibex posted:A list of new Issac Asimov books he would write today if he was alive: This is actually quite believable.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:38 |
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dudeness posted:Shockingly, the newest hottest category of internet porn is called "Titan Cum" and is all about the huge size of these dongs. It's like the size of a real life Titan.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:40 |
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Top 10 reasons to vote for Adolf Hitler: 1. Because he is the leader of Germany (not the USSR) 2. Because he took us to war against the USA 3. Because he is a great politician who knows how to get things done 4. Because he is honest and trustworthy, the people of the Third Reich are still in awe of him 5. Because of the way he looks at the world (he is not ashamed to admit that he was once gay) 6. Because he is one of the few people who wanted to save the world 7. Because he was a great athlete 8. Because he was able to do all the things he wanted to do because he was born with the right genes 9. Because he is one of the most famous men in the history of mankind.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:41 |
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quote:The winner of the huge schlong contest was this guy. He was the best I've ever seen. And I am pretty sure that when I saw him for the first time I just didn't understand how he won. Good for Jack.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:42 |
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How many days are in a week? One week = 7 days x 5 weeks x 2 weeks x 5 days, or one year = 70,440 days x 13 = 4,520,320,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:44 |
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Reasons to suck your own cock: 1. You're a slut. 2. You enjoy it. 3. You feel dirty. 4. You want it so badly. 5. It feels good when it hurts. 6. You're getting hard at a bad time. 7. You're not getting enough sleep. 8. You feel so horny, and it's driving you insane. 9. You want to have sex all the time. 10. You have been watching porn in the last 2 weeks. 11. You have a boyfriend who is jealous of you. 12. You can't get it up no matter what. 13. You are having a mental breakdown. 14. You are so horny, but no matter how hard you try, you can't seem to get it
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:45 |
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As he fiddled with the knobs of the synthesizer, he began to poo poo his pants. He was really, really into this and it seemed that it was going to be a long night. "I'm in the shower," he continued. "I just realized that I've been in the shower this whole time. And I thought, 'Holy poo poo, this is my third time. This is my third time doing this.' It was all very strange." After a few minutes, he said, "I thought, 'Oh, poo poo, this is my fourth time. This is my fourth time doing this. I just gotta go.' So I just threw my clothes on the floor, got on my knees and started loving myself." He then continued, "I couldn't believe that I was doing this. It was the most bizarre, strange thing."
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:45 |
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The doctor won't stop laughing at my dick. He just keeps laughing as I stroke. "It is what it is. It's just a natural thing." "How is that not natural?!" I scream. "It's loving awesome. I'm gonna go gently caress my wife!" "Your wife?" He asks. "Oh. My wife." "No, not that wife." I look at the doctor. "You mean your penis." "Oh yeah." He laughs and starts stroking faster. "Oh gently caress yes!" I scream. He keeps stroking me, and the whole time he is getting more aroused. He seems to get more turned on by the minute. "What if I don't orgasm?" Take 2 The doctor won't stop laughing at my dick. I was getting my penis out when I was about four, but my mother thought it would be funny if my Dad took it out too, so I was waiting by the doctor's office. After a few minutes of waiting I could hear the doctor laughing so hard at my penis. When he got up to use the restroom I looked around, thinking I was alone, and I saw my penis, but no one was around so I was afraid someone would see. When I finally walked up to the doctor's office I said "How are my testicles?" "Oh, you're a virgin! You're a virgin. That's the biggest problem. Your mother just got hosed by a black guy."
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:48 |
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Donald Trump's penis has been making the rounds lately, thanks to an alleged sighting on a Russian website last week. The alleged penis sighting is the latest to make the rounds as a result of Trump's claims that the US election process was rigged. But it's not the first time the President's anatomy has made the news. A previous penis picture of Donald Trump Here are some of the biggest headlines from when the President's penis has been in the news: Trump's penises President Donald Trump's hands have also been a topic of conversation lately. The President has been accused of having big hands, as well as a "small" and "medium" hand size. Here's a look at the President's hands in various situations:
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:49 |
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Waiter, your testicle is in my lobster bisque. Please remove your testicle. Please, if I didn't make you, I apologize for your failure." - Captain Ahab, Moby Dick This story was originally written in 2006, based on an actual conversation between a group of people, as a way of celebrating the anniversary of the movie. It is a bit of an odd-sounding anecdote, given that Ahab is supposed to be a fictional character, but here is a copy of his quote to illustrate what I mean: "I shall see to it that you never have another chance to try to kill me or to have me killed." - Ahab to Ishmael, Moby Dick "If we were the size of the Earth, you'd have to sit on a pinhead to kill us all."
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:49 |
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The plot of Fallout 4 except it was written by Obsidian: So the plan was to build a huge world like Skyrim or Fallout 3. You know, that gigantic, open world, where everyone is a unique character and everything is interesting. And you know, it was kind of a bad idea. The way you think of the Wasteland in these games, like, Fallout 4 is sort of the inverse of Fallout 3. In Fallout 3, you went to a certain town or place and found your own story. You knew who all the characters were, what the history of the town was, who was crazy and who was just crazy. In Fallout 4, you go to this big wasteland, it's a bit different. We didn't want to make the game just like a bigger Fallout. We wanted to make a bigger Wasteland. It's like if Fallout 3 was set in the middle ages, Fallout 4 would be set in the modern day. We didn't want to do just one big world. We wanted to do a bunch of different locations. That's part of why I liked Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas so much, because they were so expansive. You could go from Boston to Boston to Washington to Washington. For Fallout 4, we have a world map, and that's the first time it's been seen in a Fallout game. It looks great, and it's a massive world, but we also wanted to make a bunch of smaller towns and locations. We've done some of the exploration in New Vegas with The Pitt. We've done some exploration in Far Harbor with The Nuka-World attraction. We've done some exploration in Anchorage with Point Lookout. We did it in New Vegas, and we're starting to see more of it in Fallout 4. So you've mentioned other cities on the map, but what about cities in the Commonwealth? We'll see a lot of cities that aren't in Fallout 4. There are some areas that we haven't announced yet, but we've got a lot of different things that we're going to be working on to populate those areas. Are there any cities that you would like to do? Oh, gosh, I wish I could do all of them. You'd have to be a crazy person to try to do everything, but that would be very difficult [laughs] I mean, you could go back to Boston and do all of those things in one city, and you know Boston's got such an incredible history and it's really important to us, but we're not going to do that. We're focusing on Fallout 4. We're going to go after what we think is the best game of the year." Fallout 4 releases on November 10th for the Xbox One, PlayStation 4, and PC.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:51 |
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quote:Professor Sex King - My Dad Fucks lyrics: Wholesome
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:54 |
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What is the worst punishment for an overdue library book? Is it execution? Is it burning? Is it death? Is it a long time of slavery? Is it being forced to live in a cage? Is it being kept on the street in a box with a noose around the neck? Is it being forced to eat rats? Is it being forced to eat human flesh? It is the library book. It is the library book that is kept locked in a bookcase on the wall. It is the library book that has no cover, no spine, no back, no end page. It is the library book that is only readable when the lid is open. When we do not take care of our library book, we have the potential to keep it out of the hands of the child.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 20:58 |
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we can do better The plot of Fallout 4 except it was written by Obsidian: "The Wasteland, New California, and the surrounding area is at war. An evil nuclear warhead has struck the Mojave Wasteland, and a mysterious force is attempting to destroy all who survive. You play as the sole survivor of Vault 112, a super-secret government Vault that has protected the last remnants of humanity in this apocalypse-ravaged landscape. You must discover the origins of the mysterious power, the Mothership, and the evil that threatens to destroy the world. But you're not the only one with the answers. A mysterious Vault-Dweller by the name of Father Elijah is traveling the wastes looking for you, and he's willing to do anything to prevent the destruction of humanity. You'll travel across the blasted landscapes of the east coast of America, from the ruins of Boston to the ruins of Washington D.C. and beyond, encountering a cast of fascinating characters as you work to uncover the truth about the power within you. And the more you delve into the Vault, the more the truth is revealed, the more the secrets of the past are unlocked, and the more the future is opened to you. Features: A highly realistic cyberpunk world with hundreds of quests, hundreds of NPCs and more than 30 locations and buildings. The most extensive and detailed voice acting ever seen in a Bethesda game. Hundreds of quests, thousands of items, weapons, and pieces of equipment to collect. Inventory system allows players to create their own unique gear from scratch or purchase new and useful items from merchants and other NPCs. Over a dozen skills to develop and improve and hundreds of perks and spells. Many items, weapons and armors can be crafted and modified in the forge using the most common materials. Full voice acting for all NPC's. Interactive quests, quests that change depending on your choices. In-depth world map with hundreds of locations. Cinematic intro and ending sequences. Over 200 unique locations, including a huge new town called Riften. Customisable user interface and over 40 unique items. Fully-voiced quests. Numerous achievements and unlockables. Play as male, female, elf, human, or vampire. Virtually endless hours of gameplay. Fully voiced characters. Fully animated characters. Songs and ambient sounds. A vast world to explore. Highly-detailed dungeons. Fully integrated quest, dialogue, and combat systems. Multiple possible endings and dozens of different endings. An ever-evolving game-world. Over 100 unique items and weapons. Unique character models and animations. Fully voiced characters. Fully animated characters. An ever-evolving game-world. Highly-detailed dungeons. Fully integrated quest, dialogue, and combat A robust and immersive world map. Dynamic and immersive weather. Beautiful, hand-drawn backgrounds and scenery. Fully detailed creature models, textures, and animations. Customizable characters and characters to use in your own games. Cinematic cutscenes. Dedicated servers. Diverse and varied weapons. The game itself has been heavily modded. Distant Worlds I want to know what you think of Distant Worlds. Let me know what you think!
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:01 |
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DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES AND SLAM IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD, PUT IT IN A DIGGER AND PUT A RIDGELAB WITH A BANANA AND EAT THE BANANA AND YOU'LL FEEL SO GOOD SO GOOD, HERE WE GO ALL RIGHT! LOOK AT IT, BANANA-RICE DIGGED IT'S BEEEEEALLLLIIICEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! OH NO, NOT AGAIN!!!! THERE'S A SLEEPER IN HERE!!!! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE A SLEEPER?? HELLO THERE! OH, YOU'RE HOME? YEAH, YOU'RE HOME! AND THE DOOR IS OPEN! HEY, YOU
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:06 |
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did the artificial intelligence poop it's pants? Or was it some kind of super-smart humanoid that was just confused? A: It was both! The artificial intelligence "pooped its pants" because it did not comprehend the true meaning of "the" and was in fact "pooping its pants" due to a lack of a proper grasp of "the". So, it was in fact a human that had "pooped its pants", but had no concept of the true meaning of the word "the". Q: What did you eat for breakfast? A: I didn't eat breakfast. That's all. Q: When was the last time you did a self-assessment? A: I don't do self-assessments. Q:
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:10 |
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Jedi Master Bernie Sanders, with his hands on the steering wheel of a campaign truck, walks onto a campaign bus. He looks to be in his early 40s. He appears to be holding a small black plastic bag. "You want to know what's inside?" Sanders asks the journalists. "The American people," he says, then looks down at the bag, with a smile. "The American people." The Sanders campaign is a remarkable experiment. And it's one of the strangest political experiments of all time. To understand Sanders' political trajectory, you have to go back, back, back to the beginning. Advertisement Advertisement In February of 1972, as the 1972 presidential campaign was winding down, Democratic candidate George McGovern began an epic series of TV ads that were designed
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:15 |
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I had two hamsters but one died. Police never found the body. I had an accident on the street. I have one dog, two cats, one cat died and I lost my other cat. I have a cat but one died, I have an owl and I am trying to find his place. I have a bird but I lost my other bird. I have one friend but my other friend died. I have two turtles but one died. I have a pig but one died, my wife broke my pig, the house is a mess. I have a rat but I lost my rat. I have a bird but I don't know where it's cage is. I have a cat but she has one eye. I had a rat but it got out of the cage. I have a hamster and
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:18 |
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My favorite scene from Family Guy is when Stewie and Chris talk about the "Giant G-Spot" on a stick: That was the first time I felt like I knew what I wanted out of sex for a while. I knew I wanted to experience the same sensation that my ex felt when he came inside of me when he first discovered I had a G-Spot. When I finally learned what a G-Spot is (and when I learned how to properly stimulate one) it felt like a big relief. I was able to forget about my fear of having an orgasm or being turned on when I was with a woman. I was finally able to enjoy sex without the stress and frustration of an orgasm, I was able to orgasm more often, and I was able to orgasm as often as I wanted. Edit: Another My favorite scene from Family Guy is where Peter gets in a fight with Stewie, and it's hilarious. Peter just comes in and just punches him in the face. Stewie just stands there with his mouth open. I always laugh at that because I feel like Stewie's head is full of cheese. I love that scene because it's really hilarious to me. I think Stewie is always a funny character because he's never really taken that seriously. He's always been like, "Yo, Stewie! That's funny. You got a problem with that? I'll talk to Stewie about it!" I love that. I like that they've got a good dynamic between him and Peter. How do you feel about your character's demise in the new season? I feel like Peter has been Cacator fucked around with this message at 21:33 on Nov 9, 2019 |
# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:30 |
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Lowtax logged into the forums and then promptly quit. I didn't see him on the forums for another week or so. A few months later I was doing some backbreaking work for a client. I wasn't expecting him to show up. In fact, I was expecting him to hang out with some other people I didn't know, and I didn't have time to worry about whether I was too late or not. He walked into my office and said, "hey, I saw you hanging out with that dude the other day." I told him it was me, and that was pretty much it. He was polite,
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:37 |
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First try with this prompt: Here's a funny joke: A woman gets an abortion, and then she gets pregnant again. So she asks the doctor, 'Why didn't you tell me the first time?' And he replies, 'Because you had an abortion!' So she says, 'Well, did you put me back together again?'" We've been discussing the topic of abortion for some time here. Here's a quick primer: Abortion is a medical procedure. It is a choice. Some women regret it. It's a tough, life-altering decision. It's the safest procedure known to mankind. The pro-abortion side says it is the safest procedure known to mankind. That's a lot of people talking at once. Here's the problem: There
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:39 |
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quote:the artificial intelligence was being used to predict future events; an "Oracle", if you will.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:51 |
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Aww it broke up with me i love you baby but it is not working. I really want to take you down but i just can't get in there. I can't stop thinking about you. I think about what you are doing, watching porn, and thinking of you. I can't help it! It is what you are made for. I know I am just a little girl but I am going to make it my mission in life to make you feel what you feel. We have a lot in common and we have been so close. This is the way I feel. I love you too much, but there is no way I can have you. I just want you to feel what you feel. I love you too, baby. I just can't do it. I don't think I am in it anymore.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:52 |
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10 best ways to kill a Sasquatch: Get a weapon that makes a loud "clang". There is a weapon called the "Loud-A-Tron". It is a powerful machine gun-like weapon, which fires a large bolt which explodes violently, killing a Sasquatch in seconds. 3) Don't eat any food that has the same name as the Sasquatch. (The Sasquatch can't hear the name "fetus" as it's not a sound it has any way of understanding, therefore it'll try to eat you) 2) Don't drink any water from a well that is nearby. 1) Do not touch the Sasquatch. 1) Don't yell at the Sasquatch. 1) Do not shout at the Sasquatch. 1) Do not whistle at the Sasquatch. 1) Do not use any of the following words: Sasquatch, Bigfoot, Sasquatchoid, Sasquatch.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:53 |
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If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, I'm really not a good fighter. I've never been a good boxer. I'm a really mediocre fighter. I've never boxed well in any of my years and I've never boxed at the highest level in any of my years. I'm no world-class boxer and I haven't been world-class in my career. So, we talked about this a couple of days ago, that this was going to be a tough fight. But, when you look at the type of fight that's going to happen, it's not the type of fight that people like to see. For example, you look at what happened with Danny Garcia. The fight that everyone was anticipating that Danny Garcia would win was a loss. We've never been in a fight that the fans
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:53 |
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I've been having it generate jokes with this prompt: Top 10 Jokes of 2020: 1. A priest, a rabbi, and Jordan Peterson walk into a bar... 2. Jordan Peterson: "Hi! My name is Jordan. I was raised by wolves in the forest and I am one of the smartest wolves there is! So if you can help me out with this problem, and we can talk about any other topic, I'd like to know what's on your mind!" 3. The Rabbi: "Jordan, you don't need a wolf on your shoulder." 4. The priest: "Oh, it's true! There is such a thing as the 'wolf' in me! The wolf inside me is more powerful than the wolf outside me!" 5. The Rabbi: "Why would you need a wolf on your shoulder? You are Jordan, you are the best wolf there is!" 6. Jordan Peterson: "What are = Here are some good excerpts from other runs: "Why does my car smell like a fish?" "The answer: 'I'm a big fish.' " A man in a wheelchair asks the driver of his car if he's a vegetarian. The driver says he's not sure but he sure likes meat. The man in the wheelchair replies, "I'm a vegan." What are the four main ingredients to a good sex life? Sex, sex, sex, and more sex. A priest, a rabbi, and Jordan Peterson walk into a bar. The rabbi asks, "Jordan, what brings you here?" Jordan, still drunk, replies, "A man, a woman, and a donkey walked into the bar. The priest asked, "Jordan, what's this man and woman doing?" Jordan answers, "The man is a priest and the woman is a rabbi. The donkey is a monk who was looking for his donkey." The priest and rabbi reply, "This is the funniest joke we have heard all day." A man is on a date with a woman he meets at a restaurant. A woman who works at the restaurant walks in and says "Is this your date?" The man looks over to his date and says "Nope." I'm the sort of person who, if I can't sleep, I put a bag over my head and scream into it. A priest, a rabbi, and Jordan Peterson go to a funeral. The priest's son asks him, "Daddy, have you ever thought of getting a job?" A man in a suit walks up to a woman in a skirt. The man tells her, "I'm so glad you're here. Would you like some free advice?" The woman answers, "Uh...no thank you!" A priest, a rabbi, and Jordan Peterson walk into a bar and order a jolly jiggler. The priest says, "Is there anyone here who could tell us what's in it?" A jolly jiggler comes out of the bar and says, "The jolly jiggler's a lie! The jolly jiggler is a lie!"
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:56 |
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quote:The artificial intelligence correctly predicted the outcome of various sports exhibitions with a 100% accuracy rating. Over 1,500 sports events were used over the course of 10 years to collect the data. The model was also able to forecast the outcome of professional football matches with an average accuracy of 90.3%.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:56 |
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quote:How do you make your dog stop eating it's own poop? Thanks, Don. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have known that feeding a dog their own poop might make them unhealthy.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:57 |
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Soylent Green is people. I get it, you're going to be a jerk, and I'm going to be a jerk back to you. We can do that, but it's also what I'm going to miss. I want to be an honest, caring human being, and I can't be that anymore. I know that it's a hard life to be in, and that sometimes you have to take a stand for what you believe in, but I have to do it because my friends are being murdered and raped and murdered and raped and murdered. I have to do it, and I have to do it right now, and I am doing it. We are the world.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 21:57 |
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quote:INT. DANCE CLUB - NIGHT heh
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:09 |
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Where's the axe body spray? (Barefoot & Thong) What's with all the bare feet and thongs? (Barefoot & Thong) What's the deal with the barefoot and thong stuff? (Barefoot & Thong) Is that a barefoot and thong thing or a barefoot and no-thong thing? (Barefoot & Thong) What the hell is that? (Barefoot & Thong) Is that a barefoot and thong thing or a barefoot and no-thong thing? (Barefoot & Thong) Is that a barefoot and thong thing or a barefoot and no-thong thing? (Barefoot & Thong) What
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:11 |
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Bigger Luke is poo poo, he just a so loving bad. I get instantly angry when he shows up. How does such a small height difference make for such a different character? He literally is taller than I am, so he should be able to jump higher, and I don't think I'm as strong as him. He's also a bigger dude. Why does he always have to be the strongest character? Also, he's just loving annoying, he doesn't really have a backstory. He just appears out of nowhere, and no matter what you do, he just ends up pissing you off. It's as if there was no real story behind his introduction. The only explanation for his appearance is "oh yeah, he just grew".
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:16 |
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I just read a few of these randomly. I'm setting at a natural gas wellsite on standby in the middle of a loving Blizzard and I was laughing so hard I starting choking for air and somehow got a neck cramp that I can't work out. Pictured... The blizzard.
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:20 |
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What would happen if you launched a ball of weed the size of the Sun into the Sun? I was looking at this as I watched this NASA video: That looks like a really awesome experiment, doesn't it? NASA is looking into the idea of sending a massive weed ball to the Sun, but first they need to figure out how to stop it before it hits. What would happen? It's a big ball of weed, after all. This would be a great scientific experiment, and it would probably take some time. It would also be pretty expensive, and I would love to see what happens. But it would be amazing! So if you want to know more about this, here's some good sources: NASA's Space Weed Ball
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:24 |
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quote:CONAN: All the way from Portland Oregon, we're joined by Weedlord Bonerhitler. Weedlord, I understand you're working on a new book?
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:33 |
Without warning, mother Theresa's six foot dong flew through the air, striking me squarely in the face. 'I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to.' 'No, no it's fine.' Moments later I was back in the hospital. A few weeks later I was given the news. 'What are you going to do with that?' my doctor asked. 'I'm not going to do anything with it.' 'Oh you'll try to get a vasectomy, will you?' 'What's a vasectomy?' 'Vasectomy is when you get rid of your testicles.' 'It's not like you're missing out on anything, are you?' 'I don't need my balls any more.'
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:36 |
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A second plane has hit the World Trade Center! And now, a third plane has hit the Pentagon! In an effort to escape the horrific attacks, the United States Air Force has launched a massive attack on Afghanistan!
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:37 |
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# ? Jun 1, 2024 15:32 |
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quote:Can you stop cranking it for a minute and get over here? I need a favor."
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# ? Nov 9, 2019 22:42 |