UKMT November 2019 - Andrew Can't Denounce Epstein Properly

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Debate & Discussion > UKMT November 2019 - Andrew Can't Denounce Epstein Properly

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Pochoclo: Feb 4, 2008; No...; Clapping Larry

Fleshlights sound like a waste of money and a bit of a mess to clean

EDIT: this is like the worst possible snipe ever

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:41

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# ? May 20, 2024 12:59

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

ThomasPaine posted:

I love to wank and I would recommend all of you penis havers get a fleshlight and some poppers for a seriously excellent night in alone

You're getting the tfab pics when I'm back on a pc

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:41

CGI Stardust: Nov 7, 2010; Brexit is but a door,
election time is but a window.

I'll be back

ThomasPaine posted:

I love to wank and I would recommend all of you penis havers get a fleshlight and some poppers for a seriously excellent night in alone

so bad at sex that even a fleshlight can't relax without help

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:42

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

I don't think you should drink the fleshlight no.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:43

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Diet Crack posted:

If you like it in the butt, sure I guess - not so sure on it�s effectiveness for penile related activities as it�s a smooth muscle alkaloid. Whatever you do, don�t drink it!

it makes me cum 5x harder than I would otherwise, good times

kind of fucks your actual sex life though unless you use it then too though so use in moderation

Pochoclo posted:

Fleshlights sound like a waste of money and a bit of a mess to clean

EDIT: this is like the worst possible snipe ever

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:44

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Pro strat: don't have an actual sex life.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:45

Diet Crack: Jan 15, 2001

To each their own, drink the sprog sock if you so desire

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:45

Bobby Deluxe: May 9, 2004

OwlFancier posted:

I don't think you should drink the fleshlight no.

*from

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:47

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

ThomasPaine posted:

it makes me cum 5x harder than I would otherwise, good times

kind of fucks your actual sex life though unless you use it then too though so use in moderation

Congrats on finally proving who is the gooniest ukmt goon

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:47

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Guavanaut posted:

But what's 'political' in the early 00s?

Mark Thomas's show.
I wish it was still on.
And Bremner, Bird, and Fortune.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:48

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Jose posted:

Congrats on finally proving who is the gooniest ukmt goon

I remain in a relationship despite this fact, sorry to disappoint

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:49

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Diet Crack posted:

If you like it in the butt, sure I guess - not so sure on it�s effectiveness for penile related activities as it�s a smooth muscle alkaloid. Whatever you do, don�t drink it! Relaxing the throat to gobble cock is partly why it�s popular.

It does enhance orgasm too, you have smooth muscles in your urinary pathway.

But yes, never drink it, unless you have been exposed to cyanide, in which case drink it mixed with water and go immediately to a hospital. Cyanide will kill you before you get to the hospital, alkyl nitrites will kill you slower but lock out the mechanism for cyanide poisoning by binding to haemoglobin in a way that locks out cyanide but causes methaemoglobinaemia, which kills you more slowly.

Also never mix poppers with viagra. They can cause serious low blood pressure and may be linked to shock, although that may just be because people fainted and injured themselves and lost blood and went into shock, but the most recent studies say "idk, either sounds plausible, best not to try it."

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:49

Poison Jam: Mar 29, 2009; Shh...
We're being watched.

You know what? gently caress the tories

Tories delenda est

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:51

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Poison Jam posted:

You know what? gently caress the tories

Tories delenda est

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:51

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Bobby Deluxe posted:

*from

I mean that's almost certainly safer than trying to imbibe the silicone.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:52

Gorn Myson: Aug 8, 2007

happyhippy posted:

Mark Thomas's show.
I wish it was still on.
And Bremner, Bird, and Fortune.

Mark Thomas is a forgotten treasure and everyone in this thread should pirate The Mark Thomas Comedy Product because he makes no money from it anyway.

Ditto Bremner, Bird and Fortune. The book they wrote over a decade ago was a radical moment for me (because it talked so much about how the Blair government was gleefully selling weapons to make money off of any conflict in the Middle East) and I've just picked it up again by chance in a charity shop and it still owns.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:55

happyhippy: Feb 21, 2005; Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup; Pillbug

Once met a school friend that I hadn't see for years on a bus trip home.
5 minutes before arriving at the depot, he takes out a bottle of poppers, inhales it, offers some to me which I refused.
Asked him if he was going to a party and he said nah he was home here to visit the parents.
Still think its surreal today.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:55

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Just bought one of these to remember are boys on monday

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:55

Mano: Jul 11, 2012

XMNN posted:

apropos not very much other than a reply to that ash sarkar saying the lib dem hasn't thought about how Brexit would effect people's ability to work in Europe, and the fact it just popped into my head:

my company buys almost everything we sell from Switzerland and I've heard multiple senior managers say "oh Brexit shouldn't affect us too much because Switzerland isn't in the EU"

the fact that people who are supposedly responsible for organising international business aren't aware that our trade relationship with Switzerland is based on EU membership, and that under the current deal/no deal we'd be out of the single market does not bode well imho

also all our stuff currently comes by road and we already have issues with customs occasionally

also also most of the rest of the stuff we buy does actually come from the EU and the rest is presumably covered by EU trade deals

also also also we actually operate in ireland too and the northern Irish stuff is all handled by an office in the Republic

all this is just some of the stuff that might directly affect us, completely ignoring the fact all our customers would be hosed in various ways so they won't be buying stuff as much

I'd hope massive companies arent quite as clueless but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of smallish ones like ours are similarly oblivious

fortunately we definitely don't supply things to all sorts of industries and I definitely don't constantly get people complaining that some minor thing we've done/not done is holding up production or whatever

You�re in luck, Switzerland is trying to get a bilateral agreement with the UK in case of brexit. No idea how good it will be for both sides (I mean obviously it�s the Tory fail diplomacy team).
Shame about the rest. :rip:

# ? Nov 10, 2019 00:58

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Ratjaculation posted:

Just bought one of these to remember are boys on monday

Hang those who bum the poppy.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:00

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

Ratjaculation posted:

Just bought one of these to remember are boys on monday

Is... the gently caress tube supposed to be refreshingly ice cold?

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:01

Darth Walrus: Feb 13, 2012

Jose posted:

Congrats on finally proving who is the gooniest ukmt goon

This is SA. Give it a few minutes before kicking off the award ceremony.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:05

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

OwlFancier posted:

Is... the gently caress tube supposed to be refreshingly ice cold?

SOUNDS LIKE MY GIRLFRIEND LMAO
sorry I'm drunk

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:05

Mr Phillby: Apr 8, 2009; ~TRAVIS~

OwlFancier posted:

Is... the gently caress tube supposed to be refreshingly ice cold?

It's to advertise that it's waterproof enough to be enjoyed in the shower.

I feel like we've been here before, Is shower wank chat becoming a recurring thing?

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:08

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

I knew someone who put dildos in the freezer but I don't know if it would work the other way round tbh.

Also, frankly, don't entirely know if it worked that way round for most folk.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:08

Vitamin P: Nov 19, 2013; Truth is game rigging is more difficult than it looks pls stay ded

OwlFancier posted:

I knew someone who put dildos in the freezer but I don't know if it would work the other way round tbh.

That sounds damaging.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:22

Ms Adequate: Oct 30, 2011; Baby even when I'm dead and gone
You will always be my only one, my only one
When the night is calling
No matter who I become
You will always be my only one, my only one, my only one
When the night is calling

ShaneMacGowansTeeth posted:

tbh, it's usually joi or jerk off instruction

Thank you, I thought I was going to have to tell the entire thread what was what.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:22

Z the IVth: Jan 28, 2009; The trouble with your "expendable machines"; Fun Shoe

OwlFancier posted:

I knew someone who put dildos in the freezer but I don't know if it would work the other way round tbh.

Also, frankly, don't entirely know if it worked that way round for most folk.

Your vaginal/anal mucosa does not like ice cold objects. Please do not do an OwlFancier.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:23

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

The historical notion that Satan has an ice-cold penis is a very pragmatic thing, because when Satan had to service the witches who would assemble to draw power at the Sabbaths, he could actually remain erect with those who stimulated him - that is the magician who portrayed Satan - or until he became expended of his sexual vigor. Naturally then, under his fur cloak or garb, he had to strap on something of an artificial nature, a bull�s pizzle, a dildo. In the night air, it would cool off. So the witches all swore that the Devil�s penis was cold. He would have to use something like this to maintain his position as the Devil.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:24

OwlFancier: Aug 22, 2013

I have not put ice cold anything in anywhere except for cubes in my drink. I do not want a frostbitten ringpiece thank you.

Guavanaut posted:

The historical notion that Satan has an ice-cold penis is a very pragmatic thing, because when Satan had to service the witches who would assemble to draw power at the Sabbaths, he could actually remain erect with those who stimulated him - that is the magician who portrayed Satan - or until he became expended of his sexual vigor. Naturally then, under his fur cloak or garb, he had to strap on something of an artificial nature, a bull�s pizzle, a dildo. In the night air, it would cool off. So the witches all swore that the Devil�s penis was cold. He would have to use something like this to maintain his position as the Devil.

I would assume satan had a cold cock just because he spends most of his time buried up to his waist in lake cocytus.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:26

mrpwase: Apr 21, 2010; I HAVE GREAT AVATAR IDEAS
For the Many, Not the Few

ThomasPaine posted:

Also it's bad because it makes my partner just extremely chill and relaxed and lazy but it makes me ridiculously horny so it's not a great combo tbqh

blunt posted:

This feels like jerk off encouragement

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:27

Guavanaut: Nov 27, 2009; Looking At Them Tittys
1969 - 1998; Toilet Rascal

Do not put my pizzle in your drink thank you.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:27

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

I don't drink tea or coffee but do like a Bovril

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:29

ThomasPaine: Feb 4, 2009; We have no compassion and we ask no compassion from you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Jose posted:

I don't drink tea or coffee but do like a Bovril

gently caress off

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:30

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

ThomasPaine i hope you're still online because i sent you a pm

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:31

kingturnip: Apr 18, 2008

The horse-poo poo story about Dan Carden is still on the BBC News front page, what, 10 hours after it was effectively debunked?

Fair and balanced coverage, of course.

# ? Nov 10, 2019 01:31