Tubgoat posted:

Are they squeaky, stinky or both?

helta posted:

Stinky, no noise

Tubgoat posted:

Cover face with nearby cloth.

helta posted:

Will a pillow do?

Tubgoat posted:

Sure, why not.

Mariana Horchata posted:

https://twitter.com/hipsterscumbag/status/1192209064870187008

1999 regdate?

Thoguh posted:

Trump thread I am still hungover, this is bullshit.

Mariana Horchata posted:

time for edibles

Gatekeeper posted:

earlier today i decided to re-expose myself to the same virulent strain of STD that infected me on sunday night. something hadn't sat right with me on sunday so i figured it was worth it to get burned again if i could get to the bottom of things. and my hunch was good: i need a bunch of penicillin shots now, but i know what's been bothering me. and now my temper is ready to blow like praxis all up in cbs's collapsing soviet analogue selves. i'm a picard hairs width away from swingin my left fist "federation" and his right twin "values" straight into cbs's stagnant dying empire of a face faster than tom paris went full blown 'phibian. and this hotshot flyboy won't be takin any breaks to pump janeway's cloaca full of my sticky lil gents, nope, i'm all business tonight and you can take that to the blessed f'ing exchequer buds.

these show-making sadists led us around by our collective peener for a month betting on our desperate hope for a good new trek keeping us interested, only to take our good will and piss it right down the drain of commander livestock mcscaredyprick's rarely used sonic shower because he senses death whenever sound vibrates away his dickfunk and heck im so riled up ive been double fisting asparagus all day, creepin through the Jefferies tubes on my way to cetacean ops to show those overblown fishy fucks where they can place their fancy lil blowholes (hint: around my asparagus-stink-dripping dick still sore from the space gonorrhea that STD used to burn up my trouser-pike twice in the last three days and now all that's left down there is a piece of raw burger meat in a metal sheath that beeps once for "pee" and twice for "semen")

why am i threatening to leak stinky piss into gentle navigating aquamamms from the nubby remains of a sex organ that once stood prouder and more beloved than tuvix? oh, nothing too serious, just that they took one of the best things about trek, a core fundamental aspect of its bright vision of a beautiful future for humanity, and grimdarked it harder than anything has ever been grimdarked before. you might have even realized something was off when lorca spilled the beans when he realized that the lady klingon captain had "shared her bed" with pretty boy p.o.w. and you suddenly felt your soul give up, like eating the business end of a disrupter suddenly had massive appeal and you couldn't understand why you had never considered taking the klingon kobain route before. i even checked my ear for that little khan grub that zombie-slaved checkov in wrath before my brain remembered lorcas painfully inadequate euphemism and what it truly meant for this show.

see, of Gene's biggest successes, his best triumph and grandest hope for mankind was earth dudes getting hosed by sexy space ladies. and the klingon ladies were the sexiest of them all. sure, some fellas out there might do like schoolboys with cootie shots, playing it cool like "lol nah dude they're totally gross with their ridgeheads and snagglefangs and pleather dominatrix outfits with the trademark honorable warrior cleavage, and the 80s sleazerock hair, and... uh...." but you finally crack and admit that it rules because these space babes are packing all the poo poo necessary to make our collective weakling human starfleet dingus stand at attention like the captain's on the bridge. a timeless part of the utopian dream we all share when our sensibilities are so advanced that we're proud to admit we had our ribs broken by grilka while she pounded our peeners from here to sick bay. it's the future we deserve. and thankfully later trek updated Gene's paradise by making sure human women got to sample the bumpy weiners of every bumpy nose and bumby forehead our galaxy had to offer. dax was constantly loving a dude with a transparent head! if we can get that crazy with heads, then spacedicks are up for anything. aside from the flaky dandruff grossout race from Dominion space, i just can't think of any trek alien that couldn't feasibly have a weiner that redefines the entire concept from the ground up.

but star trek: dicksuckery figured they'd take one of Gene's loftiest dreams and make it a loving absolute nightmare, by morphing the ideal klingon woman from a hard partying biker chick in what might as well be called the "sexy heavy metal wolf-girl" halloween costume, and making her a fuckin terrifying goddamn monster who makes essentially ANYTHING ELSE preferentially fuckable. hell i'd bless and splash gollum's clammy gnarled little precious with the sincerest gratitude if it meant the nightmare scenario of STD klingon lady's bottom-mouth remaining a mystery to me forever because her peanut butter packed top-mouth was traumatizing enough without ever putting the grimdark version of the roddenberry space-privates generator to work (here's a hint - if TNG ferengis had prehensile dolphin wangs that, per Gene's actual irl notes, would spoil a human lady so much that having any human male again would literally never be worth it, it's safe to assume the std ferengis just have 24 inch long freddie kruegers for dicks and the freddiedicks are all so sick of ferenginar's muggy humid climate and the constant state of swamp-rear end existing in every make ferengi's pants that these kruegerdicks make the movie freddie look like a bigger virgin nerd wuss than wesley fuckin crusher wearing geordi's visor)

you ruined klingon sex, STD. i can forgive nipple clamp shroomdrive with tardtorture navigation and almost every other piece of poo poo you've thrown at us, but I can't forgive this. every time i see the duras sisters i won't be able to look at their cleavage windows as my hand absently feels around for what is probably my dick. i'll just remember STD lady's giant bony phallus-skull, and hear her refusing to swallow the wad of cheddar congealing around her uvula, and with my last thought as the ground outside my apartment building rushes up to meet my falling body, my last thought will be "WHY THE gently caress DOES THE SHIP SPIN LIKE THAT YOU loving HACKS?"

pathetic little tramp posted:

My coworkers just had kids and I asked how bad is it getting up at 3 am to a screeching baby wailing for attention and they said "eh we're used to it we have notifications from the president's twitter turned on"

Squizzle posted:

Squizzle posted:

Bearjew posted:

Working hard!

Zyla posted:

MY PELVIC CELING HAS A CHANDELIER

Louisgod posted:

Trump

Bilirubin posted:

Um, that's your urinary bladder

ex post facho posted:

https://mobile.twitter.com/james_mccoy_t/status/1192888875309522944

woo Haha right in the brainworms

rear end cobra posted:

How wide can a presidents brain get

GSD posted:

biden can't remember what the may day parade even is

Mariana Horchata posted:

i just got some vindaloo

Bilirubin posted:

I just had some thai curry.

Ethiopian for dinner

Mariana Horchata posted:

i just got some vindaloo

Chokes McGee posted:

hey could someone give me a ride home? or let me use your cell phone to call someone? I just got out of jail

eonwe posted:

i cant wait for prezzie bidey

Plinkey posted:

https://i.imgur.com/lT29CE4.mp4

im bad at this

A Handed Missus posted:

Unperson_47 posted:

i've gotten to the point where i i just scroll past trump tweets again

Lawman 0 posted:

https://twitter.com/realDonaldTrump/status/1193615188311912449?s=20

OhFunny posted:

https://twitter.com/business/status/1193450190927208450?s=19

God what a clusterfuck this plane is. 400k per helmet and they can't use it to land on carriers at night. How much will it cost to fix? Lockheed says, "no comment" and how many need to be fix? "No comment"

It's probably all of them.


The Turks buying the Su-35 instead from Russia and getting an actual working plane is going to be regraded as a genius move in five years when these things are put in real combat and they start falling apart left and right.