quote:

How big is Batista's dick? Well, I can tell you. It's a lot bigger than you probably think. But, trust me, you can't even see it. It's covered with scales."

"Wow, really?" She blushed, but the smile on her face was infectious.

"No, actually, it's not that big." He added. "I mean, you know that in real life you have an actual, physical body. Well, the Batcave does too, but most of the rest is just virtual and virtual reality. You're just the Bat, but you're the Batcave. It's a little bit like being inside a video game, but it's not like there's any danger, because it's a real-life Batcave. So yeah, I think the thing is a little larger than your head, actually. Not quite as big as mine, though."

"Wait a minute," she said, "if I'm the Batcave,

Abroham Lincoln posted:

reignofevil posted:

He crawled through iced-over parking lots.

quote:

"WE WILL WRESTLE YOUR CHILDREN WE ARE THE NEW DAY"

"SUCK MY DICK AND TELL ME WHO IS THE BETTER FEMALE"

"GET hosed"

"THE REAL DANGER IS OURSELVES"

"STOP SAYING IT"

"THIS IS FEMALE GENIUS"

"gently caress THAT"

"THE REAL DANGER IS OURSELVES"

"THIS IS FEMALE GENIUS"

"WE ARE loving DANGEROUS, LET'S SUCK THIS COCK"

"IT'S MY DANGEROUS GENIUS"

"WELL THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY"

"YOU'RE MY DANGEROUS GENIUS"

"WELL, THAT WAS loving FUN"

"THIS IS MY DANGEROUS GENIUS"

"SUCK

quote:

Luchasaurus returned and he celebrated on the ramp by stepping on the entirety of a man's face and body. None could stand before him. He then pulled out his long tail and tore it in two. The entire scene was shown in a video of the event which you can watch here (you'll need a VPN and a bit of patience to get through the long clip).


At the end of his life, he was a giant and he was also very angry. In addition, the video showed him in the grip of his tail, as he did with the others. He then proceeded to kill a human by sticking a hook in his back and pulling him under.


According to some of the witnesses, he was a giantess, with a big, muscular build and large, jiggly testicles.


It is believed that this giant may have been a member of the species Giganotosaurus, a large carniv

quote:

MJF raised his eyebrow then said he was better than cody rhodes. He wasn't sure he had done it right so he raised the eyebrow again then got self conscious then he stopped. That is all I can think about.

5. "He didn't give a poo poo about people's feelings."

"I know people are upset about this and I can see why. This is not who he is. He is very sincere in what he's saying and I know that sounds very naive but I have seen his heart and he really wants this thing to happen. He really wants it to happen and I believe that he will. So, I believe the only way this will happen is if he has people who are passionate about what he's doing. And that's a hard thing to do. It's like trying to do it with a team. You can't do it with a team. You can't do it with a coach. You can't do it with the owner

quote:

Vince probably doesn't remember ordering Roman to fake having leukemia, and thinks it really happened, and now views Roman as weak and sickly ㅋㅋㅋ
1. [+1,922, -73] So he's not even sure how he got cancer ㅋㅋㅋ
2. [+1,869, -72] He's going to be in hospital all the time, isn't he ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ
3. [+1,823, -64] I've always thought that this is the most cruel and cruel thing ㅋㅋㅋㅋ
4. [+1,534, -62] He's not just a rapper, he's a human being ㅎㅎ
5. [+1,532, -57] He must be getting depressed
6. [+1,531, -58] Even though it's

reignofevil posted:

quote:

Like, we know how Vince thinks sneezing is a sign of weakness. I don't even wanna know how he thinks about cancer. What kind of person gets cancer and then sneezes their eyes out because they have cancer? I know he has cancer, and I'm not going to tell him he can't be proud of that. I'm going to tell him he has cancer, and you don't need to pretend like you don't have cancer. You can't hide cancer under a layer of makeup. You have to be real with me. And then he does this to everyone, he puts everyone through this. And, when they ask, he won't answer the question. He's a fraud. He lies. And, I mean, he's not even a lie for you people. He's a fraud. I know he's sick

quote:

Vince McMahon didn't know burritos existed even though he had in fact been eating them for months. He called them ketchup steak wraps. I'm not sure Vince was being honest. I'm also not sure Vince's use of the term "Ketchup Steak Wrap" was an honest mistake. I have heard it described as "a wrap that looks like a hamburger." It is the type of food that you eat on the road in hotels and is served at many sports bars. However, there is one other way to describe it. It's a ketchup and ranch-style beef wrap, or, in Vince's own words, "a beef patty, wrapped around some delicious lettuce and with a nice little drizzle of ketchup." This is the "Ketchup Steak Wrap." As an aside, let me just say that I've eaten a Ketchup Steak Wrap. It tasted like a bad hamburger. I

quote:

According to Jim Ross, McMahon was considering hiring Gail Kim back in the early 2000s but he was unsure whether wrestling fans would like the Asian star. Here's how the conversation went:

McMahon: "You want to hire this Asian girl, right?…I don't know, I just don't know."

Ross: "Vince, there's a lot of guys that like Asian women...There's Asian porn sites."

McMahon: "No! Get out!"

Ross: "I'm trying to help."

McMahon: "Shut up!"

McMahon: "Go to the library and study the history of porn!"

Ross: "Vince, I'm not studying the history of porn!"

McMahon: "Just go back to your office and study the history of porn."

Ross: "What? Are you serious?"

McMahon: "Vince,

extradite THIS! posted:

What the hell happened here?

reignofevil posted:

I legitimately have no idea the science behind walk with transformer is ongoing

Pollyanna posted:

It’s Korean. ㅋㅋㅋ is literally “kekeke”.

extradite THIS! posted:

Oh! So it's kinda like a chat log, then?

quote:

Bam Bam Bigelow fled to the loading bay. “ONE!”, yelled the ref. “TWO!” Bam Bam Bigelow took off. A second and a third shot rang out, each a fraction faster than the last, and Bigelow's body spun and rolled and he fell to the deck. The ball sailed over his head and bounced off the wall and went out of bounds. He was gone. He wasn't coming back. He would never come back.

Bam Bam Bigelow wasn't coming back.

quote:

Darby Allin was asked what his secret strategy for his hardcore match with Jon Moxley. He said he had brought a sack full of cash with him and when they fought they were like, "Here, this is for you."

quote:

141. Sew something.

142. Buy a stuffed animal.

143. Take your own dog, or a friend's dog for a walk.

144. Call 1-800-DONT CUT

145. Call 1-800-THERAPIST

146. Call 1-800-SCHOOLS

147. Call 1-800-WELCOME

148. Give money to a homeless man.

149. Call 1-800-GIVE WOLF

150. Call 1-800-HELP

151. Give money to the animal shelter.

152. Call 1-800-SCHOOLS

153. Call 1-800-CARE

154. Give money to a charity that gives out coats.

155. Call 1-800-MEDICAL HOSPITAL

156

quote:

Jim Ross threw the first banana because he didn't know what else to do suddenly everyone on the AEW roster was peeling and throwing bananas at eachother. "You sure seem a little gung ho" scoffed Chris Jericho as Ross gave him a thumbs up. The first round was quickly won by John Morrison as he tossed a banana at Jericho in the corner, making the referee miss the banana and allowing Morrison to pin the big man.

Jericho's reaction was priceless as he just stared at his opponent and then walked out of the ring. "I am not doing this" Jericho told him, he then looked back at the referee and told him to go away as he walked back in the ring and kicked the referee in the head. "You are a great wrestler, you've got all the skills and charisma to be a champion" Jericho told him as he pulled his pants down and grabbed the mic. "I am not here to get a title shot" said Jericho before walking off. Jericho's reaction was priceless

quote:

This was the best wrestlemania ever. Ever. Because it was on the rim of an erupting volcano. Best. Ever. It was everything.

It took forever to get to this place, a vast wasteland of smog and trash. It seemed like an impossible journey, but I couldn't help but keep going. I didn't care if I failed to find the final gate. I didn't care if the world burned around me. I didn't care that it was a loving wasteland. All I cared about was that I had reached the rim, and that I was now the last man standing in a loving wrestling ring.

The lights dimmed. The wrestlers came down to the ring, and the announcer spoke. "The match is about to begin!" I could feel the heat, and I could hear the fans' cheers in the background. I had no idea what was about to happen, and I couldn

quote:

Stone Cold couldn't control the giant beer. It was far too foamy and thick. The heat melted the ice, and the liquid flowed like blood over the walls. The floor was soaked, and I could feel my clothes steaming. But we managed to finish off that last pint and head back to the pub.

I got home around 11, just in time to watch the replay of the night. My friends and I sat there, transfixed, until the end. That first beer was pure perfection. The next couple, I had to struggle a little. I felt like I was going to puke. Still, we did it. And I couldn't remember a night where I had more fun.

And now I was thinking about how to drink more beer

21 Hoot Salute posted:

Hearing the crowd react, Dwayne Johnson knew this was his moment. He lifted up the mic and began with "The Rock says: I'm sorry I'm not an astronaut," and the crowd roared along. This was the kind of moment that made audiences realize how much they were missing in film-making: an actor coming right out and saying they don't have a career in space.

"I'm not a wrestler," Johnson told a reporter, and there was a long silence. "But I am a man who believes in science."

When Johnson asked fans if he was welcome to play a Martian, the crowd erupted. "I have to take the stage," he said to them. "I'm just going to give it a go."

He told reporters that NASA had asked him to try and convince the movie's director, Jon Favreau, to let him do it.

reignofevil posted:

reignofevil posted:

MATURE SOL-UTIONS *CLAPCLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP*




Edit- also I'm not necessarily doing it right this second but I'm dropping a footnote in here to say I am 100% gonna depict 'The Nasty Weiners' matches in visual format.

quote:

It's a terrible day on Raw because we're having a very special episode. WWE Superstar AJ Styles has Dementia. He can no longer wrestle. Because of his Dementia. He sometimes forgets that he believes the earth is flat. Because of his Dementia. He sometimes forgets that he has friends. He sometimes forgets that his mother is the most beautiful woman in the world. Because of his Dementia. All of those things he remembers are now gone. WWE Superstar AJ Styles, you have been in the history books for your entire WWE career. You have had the best matches in the history of the company. The matches that have been the most well-known. And you have the most well-known name in the WWE history as well. And we're sad to tell you that AJ Styles is no longer in the company. Because of his Dementia. Because of his Dementia.

quote:

Kane could run for mayor he could do anything. He promised Kentucky he'd take them to the moon and he did so with the NASA Appalling program. He promised them he'd take them to greatness. He promised he'd drag them to hell and then he'd send them to Mars and then they'd be dead. Kane did so and then he killed himself. That's the way of the world. He was a hero. He was a man of good faith. His heart was in the right place, his eyes were in the right place and his mouth was in the right place. But that's not always how the world works.

It is a cruel and ugly world out there, and we will all die. It is a world of pain and suffering and injustice. We know it, and so we must rise above it. We must rise above it and keep fighting. Because there is no

quote:

Yowie wowie! Bray Wyatt decided to have a little fun with the Universal Championship, and the result is iced tea.

That's right. If you thought Bray was the bad guy when he used his magic fire hose on Dean Ambrose, just wait 'til you see him do the same thing with the Universal Championship.

[irp posts="21628″ name="Dolph Ziggler Takes It To The Wyatt Family (Video)"]

"He took the U.S. title to his house, just to show him how awesome he is" says Daniel Bryan, after a great match between Dolph Ziggler and Luke Harper.

With the U.S. Title on the line, the guys in the ring had to really take it to Wyatt, as he threw everything he had at the champion. He used his powerbomb finisher twice, but Dolph

quote:

Yowie wowie! Bray Wyatt decided to have a little fun with the Universal Championship, and the result is something you don't want to miss. And in a surprising move, the big dog won't even be involved. Instead, the match will be between the two "superstar" wrestlers, and it could have the WWE Universe crying, "No way, no how!"

quote:

Yowie wowie! Bray Wyatt decided to have a little fun with the Universal Championship, and the result is that a mysterious masked man wearing a purple top hat and an unbuttoned shirt and red bow tie and blue jeans and a purple vest is out on the ramp.

The masked man is, in fact, Triple H, and his goal is to wrestle the WWE World Heavyweight Championship on Raw.

Triple H: The World Heavyweight Championship is on the line!

Triple H, The World Heavyweight Champion, the winner of my Money in the Bank match and the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, I declare that in the interest of fairness and a truly awesome match, this bout will be a No Holds Barred bout. And I'll be taking on you tonight, The Undertaker.

We start off with the Undertaker in the ring

Pollyanna posted:

Bam Bam Bigelow wasn't coming back.

quote:

Take a good look, Razor Ramon and Nature Boy Ric Flair! For what you see across the back of this Macho Man, and across the face of this one, The Ultimate Warrior, is the bondage of the Ultimate Maniacs! For you to see them, and to feel the power in their hands, is to know the ultimate power in the hands of the Macho Man! No one is above him and no one is below him, except The Ultimate Warrior!"

"We will now see a picture of the most dominant Superstar in the world: The Ultimate Warrior!"

"What is your reaction to that picture?"

"It is a picture of a young and beautiful woman! It is the beauty of an attractive woman, to show what is under the mask, and to give to you a real image of how the Ultimate Warrior is in control!"

quote:

Take a good look, Razor Ramon and Nature Boy Ric Flair! For what you see across the back of this Macho Man, and across the face of this one, The Ultimate Warrior, is the bondage of the Ultimate Maniacs!

"No one ever won an Olympic gold medal wearing a diaper." - Randy Savage

quote:

The Ultimate Warrior: No sleep no foooooooood. No nothing, just maniac-ism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs, therefore...what are you gonna do? Bury us, now?

Macho Man Randy Savage: !!!!!!

[The Ultimate Warrior drops the title belt off his waist and onto a stone floor in the middle of the ring. He pulls a chair over to the floor. Savage, as a zombie, grabs the chair and smashes it against the table.]

Ultimate Warrior: [grabs the chair from the table] Hey man, look at that, my favorite chair! [wrestles the chair]

Macho Man Randy Savage: [tries to hit the Warrior but misses] Aw, gently caress me! [slams Savage down onto the floor]

Ultimate Warrior: [shouting] HANG

quote:

The Ultimate Warrior: No sleep no foooooooood. No nothing, just maniac-ism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs, therefore...what are you gonna do? Bury us, now?

Macho Man Randy Savage: ?????

No sleep no foooooooood. No nothing, just maniac-ism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs, therefore...what are you gonna do? Bury us, now? Brutus Beefcake: ????????????????

Dolph Ziggler: I'm gonna get a real life version of my dad.

I'm gonna get a real life version of my dad. Randy Savage: ????????????????

I'm gonna get a real life version of my dad. I'm gonna get a real life version of my dad.

No Sleep No Fooooooood:

quote:

The Ultimate Warrior: No sleep no foooooooood. No nothing, just maniac-ism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs, therefore...what are you gonna do? Bury us, now?

Macho Man Randy Savage: _____________________ You've got a problem? I've got a problem. You think I'm weak? I'll give you a real test. _____________________ You've got a problem? I've got a problem. You think I'm weak? I'll give you a real test.

The Mask: "I can't even sleep. Just have to keep going. I'll wake up. _____________________ "

Sailor Moon: I am a witch! A witch! A witch! I want to show you that I am a witch! I want to show you that I am a witch! I want to show you

quote:

The Ultimate Warrior: No sleep no foooooooood. No nothing, just maniac-ism. As a skeleton we still walk as Ultimate Maniacs, therefore...what are you gonna do? Bury us, now?

Macho Man Randy Savage: It's what I was made for, and I don't give a drat what you say.

Ultimate Warrior: I want to give you a hug...it's your last chance...I'm a big kid, man...I was made for this...I'm a big kid...I'm a big kid...I'm a big kid.

Bret Hart: It ain't your mother's baby. It's not your mother's baby. It's the baby that I had. And you should have been here for me. (slams his hands down on the canvas and begins punching, hitting himself in the face repeatedly)

Pollyanna posted:

Is it just me, or has Talk-to-Transformer hit this weird uncanny valley position where the text makes internal sense, yet is nowhere near batshit enough to be interesting? It always sounds either like a dementia-ridden grandpa or the most banal Time article ever written. I remember howling with laughter at it months ago, and now it’s just boring as poo poo.

extradite THIS! posted:

I do feel like the results have indeed been slightly different lately, but that might have to do with the neural network being upgraded recently.

You can sometimes get more interesting results if you just leave a word out at the end. For instance, I was trying to generate something about the Dynamite brawl from last week using the recap text up until "They kicked the door open, revealing Orange Cassidy". If I left OC in, the results came out as quite dry descriptions of more brawling. However, when I left OC out and my prompt ended with "revealing", the results were much more interesting.

quote:

Roman Reigns had tripped in some mud and then Vince challenged him to a juggling contest with nuclear bombs. Roman accepted.


3. Vince had Vince beat him in a game show

"WrestleMania X-Seven" had just started. A show which would be Vince's last in WWE before going to TNA. At one point Vince had won every match except for the final one, with the prize being a million dollars. The final match involved Vince and The Undertaker facing each other in a ring. During the match, Vince took off his shirt. The Undertaker then took off his pants. Vince tried to tell The Undertaker that he had a Million Dollar Title Belt, but The Undertaker told Vince that he didn't have any money on him because he didn't win the match. The Undertaker then took off his clothes, too.


4. Vince was a great guy

quote:

Samoa Joe was stealing people's junkmail. This was an epidemic and it was only phase one of his plan.

In his first phase, he'd steal email from people, which was bad, but it was only the beginning of Phase Two.

Phase Two: A massive and unprecedented mass mailing.

Phase Two was a mail-out to every single person in the United States that contained a letter that read:

"Hey guys! I'm a huge fan of the show "Nathan For You" on Comedy Central.

We are doing a show on Thursday, March 2nd and we need help.

We've created this website (nathankforshow.com) to help us do our best to reach all of you. We are asking all of you to help spread the word so you can get tickets to this show and all of the great rewards we

quote:

It was complete chaos in the ring! Every wrestler from every brand had suddenly run out and started beating eachother with chairs. Suddenly the scariest wrestler of all came to the fore holding the ultimate wrestling weapon, the ring bell! He was the one man who would get us back on track! He was the ultimate threat to the reign of terror that we were in. He was the guy that would get us out of the mess we were in and give us the chance to win! He was the man who was going to give us that one chance that we need to finally get to the top and break free from the evil domination of our evil overlords! And I had to stop him, so I grabbed a steel chair and put it in his mouth! With one punch he went down, and I had to stand by and watch all these people scream and wail on their own bodies because they knew that they had just lost and it was over. But it wasn't over yet. After the match I turned to the fans