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CaptainCrunch
Mar 19, 2006
droppin Hamiltons!
Overheard at Target from an adjacent toy aisle:

"I wish you could catch Pokemon in Fortnight." in just the most plaintive tone.

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Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
This a weird feeling. I want to say "man, that makes me feel old" but... backwards? I've never played Fortnite, but Pokemon is one of those OG elementary school recess memories. Weird to feel that sense of connection to a random kid who's probably 30 years younger than you.

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




Cardiovorax posted:

This a weird feeling. I want to say "man, that makes me feel old" but... backwards? I've never played Fortnite, but Pokemon is one of those OG elementary school recess memories. Weird to feel that sense of connection to a random kid who's probably 30 years younger than you.

I've seen three year olds with Wu Tang t-shirts and makes me feel just do incredible old.

TehRedWheelbarrow
Mar 16, 2011



Fan of Britches
it is for the children though

a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!


Just gave a middle school kid vaccines. Naturally he didn't want them and tried to delay it. He was going, "no wait, give me a second, just hold on, can you come back in a minute..." I kept trying to calm him down - he wasn't struggling or trying to get away, so I just didn't want him to flip out (or pass out).

So I tell him here we go, one, two, three...

He goes "No, no, No, NO... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Not a scream, literally just the sound ahhhhhhhh really loud as he's half-laughing.

Joey Freshwater
Jun 20, 2004

Always playing with my meat
Grimey Drawer

Alhazred posted:

I've seen three year olds with Wu Tang t-shirts and makes me feel just do incredible old.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the kid probably didn't pick the shirt out or listen to Wu-Tang

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




Joey Freshwater posted:

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the kid probably didn't pick the shirt out or listen to Wu-Tang

I mean, some kids I've met have known the lyrics to Enter Sandman or Sound of da Police so I wouldn't rule it out.

Fleta Mcgurn
Oct 5, 2003

Porpoise noise continues.
One of my fifth-graders in Korea once wore a shirt emblazoned with I NEED A PRINCE IN THE STREETS AND A BEAST IN THE SHEETS. Um.

Her classmate had one that said WHO THE gently caress ARE THE ROLLING STONES? but at least that's accurate; he did not know.

Best one was a TEACHER at that school- with great English!- who bought and wore a denim jacket depicting the Virgin Mary surrounded by the words gently caress THIS WORLD. Not appropriate for primary school, but an apt enough thing for that character to say, given her situation. I would do anything for that jacket, by the way.

Fenrir
Apr 26, 2005

I found my kendo stick, bitch!

Lipstick Apathy

Alhazred posted:

I've seen three year olds with Wu Tang t-shirts and makes me feel just do incredible old.

I worked with a kid named Raekwon. After the rapper. He is probably about 24 now. I felt like 200 years old when he introduced himself.

venus de lmao
Apr 30, 2007

Call me "pixeltits"

Fleta Mcgurn posted:

WHO THE gently caress ARE THE ROLLING STONES?

I want this shirt

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen
My five-year-old son's favorite pasttime is playing with his 50,000 cars. He also likes to incorporate "Bad Guys" into his play.

That sets up the following conversation.

Him: "Daddy, look at my Jeep!"

Me: "Yes, I see it, Buddy! It's a very nice Jeep!"

Him: "No, it's broken."

Me: "Oh no! Well I hope the driver can fix it!"

Him: (in a tone indicating that I have missed the most obvious thing in the world and his Daddy is the biggest moron to have ever lived) The driver is a bad guy. Bad guys don't fix Jeeps!"

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

CaptainCrunch posted:

Overheard at Target from an adjacent toy aisle:

"I wish you could catch Pokemon in Fortnight." in just the most plaintive tone.
Just today I was talking to someone about what's could eventually supplant Fortnite as the Big Thing the way Fortnite has supplanted Minecraft, but there it is.

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




Fenrir posted:

I worked with a kid named Raekwon. After the rapper. He is probably about 24 now. I felt like 200 years old when he introduced himself.

Face it gramps, all the hip hop albums you listened to as a kid, from Wu Tang to 2Pac, is considered old school now:corsair:

venus de lmao
Apr 30, 2007

Call me "pixeltits"

Alhazred posted:

Face it gramps, all the hip hop albums you listened to as a kid, from Wu Tang to 2Pac, is considered old school now:corsair:

Pac was old school when I was a kid and I'm 31 :corsair:

The_White_Crane
May 10, 2008

My Lovely Horse posted:

Just today I was talking to someone about what's could eventually supplant Fortnite as the Big Thing the way Fortnite has supplanted Minecraft, but there it is.

Do you work in a games company in England in a small office overlooking a weird courtyard that no-one ever uses?

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




How to appear innocent to adults when you're a kid: Do not immediately shout "I did nothing!" when you notice that another kid is approaching an adult while crying.

Pastry of the Year
Apr 12, 2013

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
In the kid's defense, why wouldn't you assume that the biggest word must clearly be the most important one? lol

The_White_Crane
May 10, 2008
I mean, the answer to the first question is wrong as well: it's 0 dollars. Because that's a specimen, and no shop would accept it.

flavor.flv
Apr 18, 2008

I got a letter from the government the other day
opened it, read it
it said they was bitches




The question itself is meaningless

"How much is this money" is complete nonsense, even if you rewrote it to be something approaching English grammar the answer could be anything, since it doesn't actually specify the metric in question. How much surface area does it have? Mass? It looks like it would have an r-value of about 0.5 if you crumpled it up, where's my points?

HenryEx
Mar 25, 2009

...your cybernetic implants, the only beauty in that meat you call "a body"...
Grimey Drawer

RandomFerret posted:

The question itself is meaningless

"How much is this money" is complete nonsense, even if you rewrote it to be something approaching English grammar the answer could be anything, since it doesn't actually specify the metric in question. How much surface area does it have? Mass? It looks like it would have an r-value of about 0.5 if you crumpled it up, where's my points?

You'd be completely right if it was a simple prompt for a free-form answer.

But it's multiple choice and the context matters, so you're not!

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
Last week a kid told me it would be really nice if I came with them when they moved up to second grade. :kiddo: We still have 8 and a half months of first grade but thanks for the sentiment little buddy!

The Lord Bude
May 23, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT MY SHITTY, BOUGIE INTERIOR DECORATING ADVICE

The_White_Crane posted:

I mean, the answer to the first question is wrong as well: it's 0 dollars. Because that's a specimen, and no shop would accept it.

If a kid answered 0 and gave that explanation when prompted I think you’d be honour bound to mark them correct.

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
"I wrote something nice for you, dad" says my son, handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Aw thanks," I say, before unfolding it to see the words PEE TURD written in huge black crayon across the page.

Beachcomber
May 21, 2007

Another day in paradise.


Slippery Tilde

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

"I wrote something nice for you, dad" says my son, handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Aw thanks," I say, before unfolding it to see the words PEE TURD written in huge black crayon across the page.

Was mirth had by all?

Megaman's Jockstrap
Jul 16, 2000

What a horrible thread to have a post.
Oh absolutely. He's 5 btw so this is literally Richard Pryor level to him.

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012

Just me and my 🌊dragon🐉 hanging out

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

Oh absolutely. He's 5 btw so this is literally Richard Pryor level to him.

It made me laugh!

Alhazred
Feb 16, 2011




So all the kids in the kindergarten where I work has learned a new word. I would be happier if that word wasn't banchod (which is sisterfucker in urdu) though.

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

"I wrote something nice for you, dad" says my son, handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Aw thanks," I say, before unfolding it to see the words PEE TURD written in huge black crayon across the page.

I can't stop giggling like an idiot at this.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
This is the kind of prank I would've thought was super clever back in kindergarten, too.

Alhazred posted:

So all the kids in the kindergarten where I work has learned a new word. I would be happier if that word wasn't banchod (which is sisterfucker in urdu) though.
Reminds me of that time back in elementary school when everyone learned the word suka (as of "cyka blyat" fame) from our resident Belarusian, but nobody had any idea what it actually meant, just that it was generically rude.

tribbledirigible
Jul 27, 2004
I finally beat the internet. The end boss was hard.

Megaman's Jockstrap posted:

"I wrote something nice for you, dad" says my son, handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Aw thanks," I say, before unfolding it to see the words PEE TURD written in huge black crayon across the page.

Hoist by his son's PEE TURD.

Carthag Tuek
Oct 15, 2005

Tider skal komme,
tider skal henrulle,
slægt skal følge slægters gang



My brother had his girlfriend by to introduce to the family this weekend, and my sister's kid completely fell in love with her. Just immediately reached out and wanted to sit on her lap for hours. He's only 11 months, so he doesn't really speak, but he did poo poo a little on her arm lmao

sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)
I told a student today, "What's a cat's favorite color?" (shrugs) "Purrrr-ple." "Ohhhhh!"

This proceeded to spread like wildfire around the classroom, to the point that during snack students were coming up to ME to tell me the joke. This led to their own "jokes", such as:
:kiddo:"What's a mouse's favorite color?!"
".... What?"
:kiddo:"Magenta!"
"....?"
:kiddo:"Get it? Mmmmm-mouse? Mmmmm-magenta?"


So I decide to spring this one on them all
"What's a dog's favorite part of a tree?"
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo:"THE BONE!"
".... no"
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo:"THE TRUNK"
"No"
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo:"THE BONE"
"No"
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo:"THE BONE!"
"Trees don't have bones. Okay so remember jokes are usually funny because they make sense. What's... a dog's.... favorite part... of a tree."
.......
.....
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo:"the....BONE"
"The bark."
:kiddo::kiddo::kiddo: *calm nodding, intellectual sighs*
"That's ok, we'll work on jokes."

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen
This from my 4-year-old daughter:

Her: "Knock knock!"

Me: "Who's there?"

Her: (thinking) "Uh.... Ice Cream Man!"

Me: "Ice Cream Man who?"

Her: "I want ice cream"

Subjunctive
Sep 12, 2006

✨sparkle and shine✨

BigBallChunkyTime posted:

This from my 4-year-old daughter:

Her: "Knock knock!"

Me: "Who's there?"

Her: (thinking) "Uh.... Ice Cream Man!"

Me: "Ice Cream Man who?"

Her: "I want ice cream"

Strong message discipline.

Cardiovorax
Jun 5, 2011

I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.
Ice cream is more important than humor.

Behotti
Apr 30, 2008
Fun Shoe

Cardiovorax posted:

Ice cream is more important than humor.

But Good Humor is ice cream!

BigBallChunkyTime
Nov 25, 2011

Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.

Illegal Hen

Behotti posted:

But Good Humor is ice cream!

:aaa:

fast cars loose anus
Mar 2, 2007

Pillbug
*taking a child to the bathroom at work*
Me: "do we need to call mom to help?"
Kid: "No, I'm going #1 not #2. It's ok because I'm potty trained with my penis just not with my butt"

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sweeperbravo
May 18, 2012

AUNT GWEN'S COLD SHAPE (!)

fast cars loose anus posted:

*taking a child to the bathroom at work*
Me: "do we need to call mom to help?"
Kid: "No, I'm going #1 not #2. It's ok because I'm potty trained with my penis just not with my butt"

Good lord. One of my students is way too open with me about his making GBS threads habits.
"I need to go to the bathroom"
"Okay, come back quickly."
"MRS. BRAVO, I MIGHT NOT. I HAVE TO POOP AND IT TAKES LONGER."


Later he returns and within minutes asks to go again.
"But you just came back."
"I'm really bad at wiping!!!"

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