sephiRoth IRA posted:

...which one?

Admiral Ray posted:

They are very funny and bizarre but the most memorable was the lady that wanted to eat her unwilling husband's poo poo.

Admiral Ray posted:

The OP of the post. I can't say I feel bad for them. Coworkers aren't there for your amusement or your friendship. They are there to work. Asking for their name or any other personal details is unnecessary and a prelude to social competition. OP's coworker clearly saw through the charade and shut that poo poo down.

chitoryu12 posted:

Nah, OP isn't the rear end in a top hat. Responding to a new coworker asking for your name with "I'm the Employee of the Month, look it up" is a weird antisocial power move that seems designed to piss people off and make them hate her for no good reason. Assuming it wasn't a very poorly-timed joke, it's good that he threw that back in her face.

Tempura Wizard posted:

Except the coworker explicitly asked the OP their name first and then wouldn't reply in kind? Coworker was being a huge dick.

haveblue posted:

Literally saying "I don't really give a poo poo what your name is", if that actually happened, was not a good way to respond. Should have disengaged as quickly as possible and asked someone else what the deal was with them.

MrQwerty posted:

oh man how did I forget Fecal Raped by my Wife (Who Has a Strange Fetish That Just Developed)

QuarkJets posted:

It really helps remind you how suddenly your entire life can be completely upended, one day you think you're in a happy loving marriage and the next your SO is like "I have a new fetish, I need you to poo poo in my mouth or we're getting a divorce"

Dewgy posted:

“That’s too much work, so I’m gonna just call you Bubba.”

The_Franz posted:

The girl throwing the 18th century french salon cosplay party that was saved by the boyfriend crashing through the door with beer like the Kool-Aid man has got to be up there.

Thesaurus posted:

Link the post!!

Wife told me she wanted to experiment, I obliged, then she attempted to eat my feces. posted:

Throwaway account because my wife follows my regular account here. My (28m) wife (26f) and I have admittedly had very vanilla sex throughout our 3 year marriage. We had our first kid a year ago and it seriously slowed down our sex life. However, a little under a month ago she approached me about “trying new things”. She has been hanging out with a group of moms in our neighborhood and one of them told her that she and her husband tried pegging and it completely transformed their marriage. My wife told me that she wanted to try pegging as well to “spice things up”. At first I thought it was a joke, but soon realized she actually wanted to peg me. I had never done assplay before and had always lived by the philosophy that the anus is solely an exit, but my wife made it clear that this was important to her so after a few days I obliged.

That next weekend, she pegged me and everything was surprisingly enjoyable. Additionally, the week following the pegging was one of the best weeks we’ve had together since the birth of our child. We were back to our old sex life, doing things like having sex before work and even waking each other up with head. However, that next weekend she told me she wanted to peg me again. I was slightly confused as to why this last week of sex wasn’t cutting it for her, but I agreed.

This is when things took an extreme turn. During this second pegging while my wife was inside of me, she grabbed my hair, craned my neck to the right, and pressed our foreheads together. I had never seen her take control like this and thought it was very hot until she looked me in the eye and whispered “I want your poo poo”. I pulled my face away and asked her to repeat and she said “I want you to poo poo on me”. I pushed her off of me and asked her if she was joking and she started crying. I felt like a loving dick because she thought I was kinkshaming her. In a way, I was because I thought the request was far too extreme. I ended up leaving for the night and stayed with one of my close friends, but didn’t tell him what happened.

After that incident, my wife and I hardly talked all week unless it related to our son. At the end of the week, I asked my wife to talk about what happened. She told me again that she wanted me to poo poo on her and that it meant a lot to her. I thought it was sickening, but she claimed this was her deepest, darkest kink. I couldn’t understand how and why my poo poo excited her, but she insisted that she has always wanted this.

We fought about this for about a week and after watching some scat porn and reading articles by people who also shared this kink, I tried to put myself in my wife’s shoes. I told her that I will poo poo on her if that is what will turn her on. She was so happy and even though I was still completely nauseated by this desire, I wanted to satisfy her.

That brings us to tonight. We were having sex for the first time this week when I (regrettably) confessed to her that I had to take a poo poo. She perked up with a smile, sensed my discomfort, and began stroking my hair and whispering encouraging things to me. I still really didn’t want to go through with it, but since I had promised her I pulled out and we ran to the bathroom.

She got into the bathtub and I hung my rear end over the side of the tub. I started pushing, but unsurprisingly found it very difficult to successfully poo poo on my wife. I turned my head around to see my wife staring up and smiling at me waiting for me to finish. With enough time, I was finally able to get a turd to start coming out. I could hear my wife breathing heavier beneath me as my rear end in a top hat started opening. However, before the turd was able to drop on her chest, I felt a sensation around my rear end in a top hat.

I turned around and saw my wife - the love of my life, the mother of my son - attempting to catch my turd in her mouth as it fell out of my rear end in a top hat. I was horrified that she would try to do this, and tried to pull the poo poo back into my body so she couldn’t receive it in her mouth. Seeing what looked like an attempt by her to eat my poo poo brought me close to throwing up.

As I clenched my buttcheeks together to try to stop the poo poo from reaching my wife, the clenching cut off a very small piece of my poo poo and I heard it land somewhere beneath me. I was too scared and disgusted to look at my wife to see what she had done with it, so I ran to the other bathroom to clean myself. As I was sitting in the other bathroom thinking about how I will ever be able to look my wife in the eye again, I heard footsteps approaching. My wife lightly knocked on the door. I didn’t respond and was on the verge of throwing up the more I thought about what just happened. She walked away and then I got a text from her thanking me for fulfilling her wish and asking me to come to bed.

I’ve been sitting in the living room typing this for the last half hour scared to face my wife. We have plans to take our son to the zoo with another family tomorrow, but I don’t think I can look at her after what she did to me. I feel deceived and violated by the woman I love and trust. During our initial conversations about this, there was never a question that my poo poo would go anywhere other than her chest. She knew how uncomfortable I was with this in the first place, yet she still tried to push the boundary that we had established.

I would appreciate any feedback from anyone who has experienced a similar violation of trust from a loved one. I’m turning to this sub for advice because for obvious reasons, I cannot tell anyone that knows my wife and I. I know that some of you may find this humorous, but please serious comments only - this is something that could lead to the end of our marriage.





EDIT: I didn't expect this to go to the front page, but my wife has seen the post. I have been unable to face her and there is no way to get out of going to the zoo with the other family today. I appreciate all the serious feedback and I will update tonight.

MrQwerty posted:

Runcible Cat posted:

So does Timothy.

quote:

Sorry for the length, I've explained this on r/AITA but since the common opinion is that I'm not at fault, I was told to look for advice elsewhere.

SOME INFO: I've been happily married for 10 years now. I'm still very much in love and he's my best friend and we normally never argue! I'm not even sure if this was an argument but it left me feeling lonely, unsupported and isolated from his side of the family.

The relationship with his parents has been strained. They own a number of mouse figurines; they are made from different materials and one is a giant papier-maché one called Timothy. Each of them has a whole character profile with backstories, personal preferences, family relations etc. and all of them are seen as part of the family (Timothy even as my in-laws’ grandchild).

What unsettles me, is that they constantly talk as them with other mice or each other/guests. They’ll use a high-pitched tone and they’ll talk in a manner that little children would use. For instance, my husband’s father will squeakingly say “My tummy hurts, I am hungry!” while wiggling a mouse plushie in my face. I’m then expected to answer the mouse and get it, not him, something to eat. They do this constantly. In fact, most of the time, the mice are talking, not them.

Til now, I’ve never said anything judgy but I usually avoid talking to the mice and instead address the person talking. I’ve never talked as a mouse. His parents have noticed this and have often tried forcing me into it. They are visibly upset that I won’t participate and have “gifted me” mice figurines on several occasions that I haven't used. I understand that it’s probably them welcoming me into the family but I’m just too creeped out by it. When they visit us, they force me to get them out of the closet and display them and I feel invaded by that. (At the same time, I feel silly about feeling invaded by inanimate objects.)

Today, it escalated when we announced that I am pregnant and my father-in-law replied that it would be wonderful “to soon have two grandchildren” (by the first, he meant Timothy). For the first time, I got angry and said that he didn’t have a grandchild yet and that my child wasn’t comparable to a papier-maché mouse. They got very angry and I got screamed at as Timothy for disrespecting him. He called me stupid.

This is the conflict I need advice for:

Instead of supporting me, my husband stayed silent the whole time and later told me that many people's stuffed animals talk and that he can’t understand how I am so tolerant in everything but this. I was crying at this point but he didn't comfort me which is very unlike him and how I know that he is truly upset as well.

I've been very sad as I'm a family-oriented person and I've always regretted that I don't feel included in his side of the family. His parents have always acted cold towards me although I've made an effort to take a genuine interest in their lives and to build a bond with them. After my outburst, it’s obviously even worse. I feel lonely and unsure and I don’t know how to act anymore or how to make him understand that I need him to do something! I don't even know what I want him to do exactly. I'm scared that he will reject me for being "difficult" and putting him in an uncomfortable position but at the same time I feel like I can't stand this anymore. I'm scared that they'll do this to our child or make them feel unloved.

So, I'm looking for advice on how to deal with this situation.

Should I press the issue or accept the situation and try to avoid them? How should I deal with this once our child is born?

TL;dr My in-laws communicate as and via mouse figurines who they see as family members. I don’t want to participate and told them my child would be different from and more important than a mouse grandchild. They got really angry and, instead of supporting me, my husband thinks I should be more tolerant.

The Bramble posted:

Timothy is my favorite story too. Here's a deep cut from almost a thousand pages ago...

I'm [F34] pregnant and struggling with my husband's [M35] lack of support regarding my in-laws behaviour. How can I improve the situation?

The_Franz posted:

The girl throwing the 18th century french salon cosplay party that was saved by the boyfriend crashing through the door with beer like the Kool-Aid man has got to be up there.

Pinecone Sample posted:

I still love the 11 minute office poop schedule based on OP's regular bowel movements that he tried to impose sign-ups on everyone else for

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA? Coworker refused to tell me her name. I got kind of defensive.

Started a new job. Was in the break room. Met one of my coworkers for the first time. We talked a little bit, was fine. She asked me my name so I told her, then I asked what her's was and she curtly said "I'm not going to tell you that." I was like "That's kind of weird but alright." And she said if I wanted to find out I could look at the board that said the 2 employees of the month and that hers was one of the names, to which I pretty frankly said "I don't really give a poo poo what your name is enough to put in that effort, I'll just find out from someone else" and then I just disengaged.

I kind of cringe looking back. She was probably just messing around but I mean... I just met you and you're being alienating like that? I don't know if that is just her style of fooling around and she wasn't trying to be a dick but at that point I felt slighted. :/

AITA?

Neito posted:

Is this one of those cases where the descriptionsa re funnier than the stories, or am I right to ask for links?

quote:

I honestly feel like I am taking crazy pills here. My entire family is furious with me over this and I don't even know what to do. I sprained my ankle 10 days ago, only 5 days before my daughters wedding. It was really, really bad. Like so bad that just walking to the bathroom even with crutches is intensely painful and difficult. I thought that maybe, possibly I would be better by my daughters wedding, but on the day before I realized there was just no way I would be able to go. I would be a burden on absolutely everyone and the chances of me falling down and making a disaster of myself were too high.

I thought people would understand, after all my daughter saw me in the hospital and was super worried. Instead basically everyone is super pissed off at me. My ex wife was basically screaming at me over the phone, telling me to man up and get on my feet and go. My sister was telling me that she sprained her ankle and was fine soon after (I remember that, it wasn't NEARLY as bad of a sprain). My daughter apparently was incredibly sad but said it was okay because she knew I was in pain, but then later on was apparently upset with me. My son just said he was very, very disappointed that I couldn't just handle the pain and go. I think I got like 15 calls and a bunch of texts saying I need to go.

Oddly enough the only person who understood was my son in law, who texted me saying that he understood why I didn't go and hes sorry everyone was being mean to me. He got someone to record a bunch of videos of the wedding to send to me which was sweet.

I can barely even walk on it. Like at all, even with crutches its incredibly unstable and REALLY painful. With the crutches I still have to lift the leg, which causes the ankle to go into extreme pain because its holding my foot in the air. I don't even know what I can possibly do to tell them how horrible this is for me, they all already know, they saw me in the hospital and it had only been 5 days since then. Its not like I could have gotten a wheelchair on such short notice, and even besides that the wedding was on a beach with stairs leading to it.

I understand being upset I couldn't go, but it feels like everyone is specifically blaming me for this as if I have any control over this. They all think I should have just sucked up the pain and gone. From what I can recall, neither my wife nor my son have ever had any kind of mobility injury like this. Its not the type of thing you can just suck up, its literally an impossibility for me to do most things.

I am almost positive I am not the rear end in a top hat here, but seriously, am I the rear end in a top hat?

Neito posted:

Is this one of those cases where the descriptionsa re funnier than the stories, or am I right to ask for links?

quote:

AITA For off on a coworker for not respecting my bathroom schedule?

So I'm pretty regular with my Bm's and go consistently every day at 12:22. For the past few months someone has been been occupying the bathroom (office of about 20 people with 1 men's room) from like 12:00 to about 13:00 which is really annoying for me not to mention that it has caused several close calls.

My solution to this problem is has been to create a bathroom schedule that has open slots for all the times of the day that we work in ten minute increments for people to sign up for (I went ahead and inserted myself in the 12:20-12:30 slot) and emailed the schedule to everyone at work as well as posting it on the bathroom doors (women's room too [I'm only on the MEN'S schedule]).

Since I've done this no one has respected the schedule or even attempted to sign up for a reserved time slot despite me sending several emails kindly reminding them to.

I feel like I'm being discriminated against because I'm on the spectrum (no official diagnosis yet because I can find a psychologist who will see me after 18:30 on a weekend) and being able to use the bathroom when I need to is very important to me.

Anyways, the other day I caught the 12:00-13:00 bandit as he was coming out of the bathroom and went off on him. AITA?

LadyPictureShow posted:

AITA for not going to my daughters wedding because I am recovering from a severe sprained ankle.

LadyPictureShow posted:

AITA for not going to my daughters wedding because I am recovering from a severe sprained ankle.

Ugly In The Morning posted:

LadyPictureShow posted:

AITA for not going to my daughters wedding because I am recovering from a severe sprained ankle.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not letting my Girlfriend give my co-workers Hot Cocoa?

So, some background. I work in a sales office near where I live with my GF (who works as a teacher). If you live in the Northeast of the US, you know we got a lot of snow last night. So my girlfriend had the day off, but I didn't. Around 11 she started texting me asking how many people were in my office. I told her. Come lunch, she tells me she's outside and she has hot cocoa for everyone in my office. I told her I didn't really like that she just showed up and that I didn't know if anyone would want any. I go around my office and find that about half of them wanted some so I go back to my girlfriend in her car and tell her that I'll take the cocoa and pass it around.

She tells me that she wants to come in too and let them know that she got it for them. She's never met a single person in my office so I told her I felt uncomfortable with her showing up and suddenly meeting everyone. She got really mad at this and started asking why I couldn't just appreciate the surprise. I told her it would be like if I just showed up at her school, and she told me that there isn't any security at my office so it's probably fine. I didn't budge. She got mad and left. I took the cocoa and told everyone that got one that my GF bought them, but she's still pissed at me and I'm still upset she doesn't seem to understand my side.

Am I overreacting here?

Edit: A few more important notes. I'm in my early 20s and the newest person in my office (been there for under 6 months), my office is entirely people in their 30s and up. Most of them are married with children but I have yet to meet a single spouse. This is a big part of why I thought it would be inappropriate for her to come in.

Edit 2: I also feel like I shouldn't have to say this, but I'm not cheating on my GF. I have no secret office romances.

quote:

Edit 3/ Update: hey guys, rear end in a top hat here. So I spoke to my GF last night and cleared everything up. I apologized for not being more immediately receptive to the nice treat and she apologized for putting me in an awkward situation. We talked about whether she would like to come in today and just say meet some of my co-workers. I told her I would ask my boss.

He told me that while the gifts were appreciated, I should wait till our Christmas party to introduce my GF.

In conclusion, I've learned that all of you are wrong and that you should never trust Reddit. Also I just want to give a big shout out to Christina Applegate and all the guys in this thread who advised my GF to break up with me.

LadyPictureShow posted:

AITA for not going to my daughters wedding because I am recovering from a severe sprained ankle.

luxury handset posted:

it is possible to get a wheelchair on such short notice and also you could just like show up, make a token appearance, grimace a bit then excuse yourself early

quote:

Its on a beach though, how would I even get onto the beach with a wheelchair?

quote:

Well I did to an extent and I found out about those wheelchairs, but I couldn't exactly get one in the short time until the wedding.

quote:

Oh no I had told them the day before. Most of the texts and calls they sent me were from the day before the wedding.

Either way we did discuss getting a specific chair for the beach but there was just no way it would come in time for me. I know the beach, its only 40 minutes from my house and I've been there a lot. There's no ramps, you have to go through a series of stairs over a rock formation to get there.

Both of you are right to an extent, they did offer some help but I denied it. They basically said "we could hold your shoulders there" and stuff like that. But when I said that wasn't possible they got very upset. The chances I would fall and the immense amount of pain are just too much.

quote:

Apparently I could have gotten a beach wheelchair but we couldn't get one so soon. Its REALLY not accessible. Like wooden stairs up over some rocks then a long staircase down, then onto a beach.

They said they would 'hold my shoulders' and when I said that would be impossible they got nasty and we didn't even discuss other alternatives with them. I think they just thought it was the type of thing where its just pain, but its more that I physically cant walk.

chitoryu12 posted:

I only know the second one. It was (I think) an autistic guy who always had to poop at very exact scheduled times down to the minute, so he made a schedule for the office to follow for bathroom breaks to ensure that he'd have unfettered access to the restroom when he wanted and got really mad that people weren't obeying it.

No, he was not their boss either.

quote:

So I'm pretty regular with my Bm's and go consistently every day at 12:22. For the past few months someone has been been occupying the bathroom (office of about 20 people with 1 men's room) from like 12:00 to about 13:00 which is really annoying for me not to mention that it has caused several close calls.

My solution to this problem is has been to create a bathroom schedule that has open slots for all the times of the day that we work in ten minute increments for people to sign up for (I went ahead and inserted myself in the 12:20-12:30 slot) and emailed the schedule to everyone at work as well as posting it on the bathroom doors (women's room too [I'm only on the MEN'S schedule]).

Since I've done this no one has respected the schedule or even attempted to sign up for a reserved time slot despite me sending several emails kindly reminding them to.

I feel like I'm being discriminated against because I'm on the spectrum (no official diagnosis yet because I can find a psychologist who will see me after 18:30 on a weekend) and being able to use the bathroom when I need to is very important to me.

Anyways, the other day I caught the 12:00-13:00 bandit as he was coming out of the bathroom and went off on him. AITA?