(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Hey this is a cool thread. I started seeing a therapist and taking ssri's in 2016, in response to basically shutting down and missing about a month of work, with my first session being November 1st. Diagnosed with MMD. Considering how things have slipped since then (my second session was mostly discussing election results), I'm pretty sure I'd be worse off now than if I hadn't. Anyways, get to mid 2018, therapist is all like, "I think you're good. I'm going to discharge you." and that's fine. Over the course of the next year my life essentially falls apart. Workplace turns super toxic late 2018, I try to cope and push forward, but the shitheads creating said toxicity are friends with my boss, so you know, gently caress that ever working. I start shutting down in April. Basically missed three weeks of work. I see my gp who prescribes meds. They switch me over to something different to see if that helps. It does for a while, but it turns out being essentially bullied into shutting up by unethical garbage people is super loving disheartening when stacked onto the nightmare realm we live in, so I miss a bunch of work and get fired in August. I've been in floaty limbo mode for like four months now. Looking for work, but being picky about finding something good, so it isn't going great. My sleep schedule is super jacked. I keep trying to fix it, but it's rough. I was fortunate to be able to move in with family and I had enough saved that I've been financially stable, but holy loving rear end crackers am I at a loss for how to move forward. Anyways, despite how hosed things are right now, therapy is cool and good and saved my life. I'd like BBQ sauce with those chicken tenders. Thanks.
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Dec 6, 2019 11:46
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I had a couple friends who I was really close to for about a decade, from high school til just after grad school. was the best man at their wedding and stuff, but kind of drifted apart after he got a tech job, until eventually he just ghosted me entirely and I dont see him or his wife anymore. I was at the high school we attended together because my girlfriend, who Ive been dating awhile but they never met, teaches there now, and I texted him some pics of the hallways hoping to maybe catch up. sent me a quick phone is dying but Ill text you later when Im home! response but never did now whenever I see him pop up on steam I get kind of pissed, since he constantly plays counter strike with some internet friends he made, and we always used to game together in our off time, ran a guild for a few years, DND campaigns, etc. it just really hurts my feelings to see people I considered my closest friends ghost me so shamelessly and unambiguously. I probably deserved it but I always had tons of friends and suddenly I have none and having nobody to play halo coop with has kind of highlighted it for me. I havent cried in over a year or more, even in the depths of unemployment, but thinking about all my lost friends who apparently hate me now for reasons I dont understand really gets me misty. Frog Act has issued a correction as of 22:14 on Dec 6, 2019 |
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Dec 6, 2019 22:03
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:Oh and 7 days without benzos with no side effects. I think I'm clean dudes gently caress yeah
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Dec 6, 2019 23:45
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Frog Act posted:I probably deserved it nah. People drift apart, and most of the time it's not even anything you've done. It still sucks, but it's not automatically your fault.
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Dec 6, 2019 23:47
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TRIPLE POSTbobtheconqueror posted:Hey this is a cool thread.  quote:I started seeing a therapist and taking ssri's in 2016, in response to basically shutting down and missing about a month of work, with my first session being November 1st. Diagnosed with MMD. Considering how things have slipped since then (my second session was mostly discussing election results), I'm pretty sure I'd be worse off now than if I hadn't. Anyways, get to mid 2018, therapist is all like, "I think you're good. I'm going to discharge you." and that's fine. Over the course of the next year my life essentially falls apart. Workplace turns super toxic late 2018, I try to cope and push forward, but the shitheads creating said toxicity are friends with my boss, so you know, gently caress that ever working. I start shutting down in April. Basically missed three weeks of work. I see my gp who prescribes meds. They switch me over to something different to see if that helps. It does for a while, but it turns out being essentially bullied into shutting up by unethical garbage people is super loving disheartening when stacked onto the nightmare realm we live in, so I miss a bunch of work and get fired in August. Take this for what it's worth since I'm a computer toucher, but when I got of the hospital, one of the things I did (other than leave my job asap) is get work as a contractor. It gave me something time boxed to dip my toes back in the workplace, because after a year of being gaslit by my narcissistic shithead chud boss, I needed to be convinced not all work environments in Austin were that hellish. (I had just moved) It kind of sucks now because I'm scrambling for a new position once my contract is up, but I'm actually able to handle that now as opposed to falling apart again. quote:Anyways, despite how hosed things are right now, therapy is cool and good and saved my life. I'd like BBQ sauce with those chicken tenders. Thanks. sir/madam this is a mental health thread and that's a very good order, please pull around 
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Dec 6, 2019 23:50
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That video of the Guatemalan kid dying in his own puke in a cell with a concrete bed hosed me up. I also made the mistake of arguing with American fascists on youtube comments. The US objectively destroyed Guatemala, then you murder kids who are trying to find a place to live that isn't hosed up by America (mistakenly thinking America itself is safe). Like why hasn't every American had a "are we the baddies" moment yet, it's so weird. Wikipedia: "Due to the proximity of Guatemala to the United States the fear of the Soviets creating a beachhead in Guatemala created panic in the United States government during the Cold War. The panic was later avoided after operation PBSUCCESS which was completed in 1954 as a means to overthrow democratically-elected Árbenz. With what has been released by the CIA we know that due to the United States 1954 coup and the installation of militarized leadership more than 100,000 Guatemalan citizens have been killed. The U.S. utilized forms of physical and psychological torture to break down Guatemalans into submission. The goal of the PBSUCCESS was to instill fear and terror throughout the Guatemalans. The Americans believed that by creating terror within Guatemala, it would in turn disassemble the Guatemalan government[1]. The coup was articulated to appear as if the Soviets had been at fault for the chaos." The fact that my brother works for the Canadian version of ICE doesn't help. gently caress fascists everywhere UnfortunateSexFart has issued a correction as of 00:01 on Dec 7, 2019 |
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Dec 6, 2019 23:59
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cool im swinging back into depressive mode this is neat i had a birthday and no one showed up or called me i was just all alone, in the dark, crying i just dont think things are gonna work out for me ever
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Dec 7, 2019 13:25
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Zyla posted:cool im swinging back into depressive mode I've not spoken with you before but I can empathize as I've always disliked birthdays due to the pressure of social interaction etc. Your experience sounds so rotten, but whatever happens, don't let it encourage you to withdraw from people, speaking from experience that's the worst thing that can happen. Rookoo has issued a correction as of 17:12 on Dec 7, 2019 |
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Dec 7, 2019 13:26
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Zyla posted:cool im swinging back into depressive mode mine was on thanksgiving, I spent it alone out of my mind on stimulants and literally crying under my desk because my parents called and sounded really concerned and all my emotional effort for the month was spent figuring out how to lie to make sure they felt okay once they hung up, which I probably failed to do, I would have rather they not called, people remembering it's my birthday feels far far worse, at least if they forget then it's a day where I didn't hurt people by being broken around them happy late birthday Zyla, you're a good poster and I like reading your stuff
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Dec 7, 2019 15:12
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If people don't get in touch it could be highly likely it has nothing to do with you. I love my friends but most of the time it's exhausting to even think about initiating conversation, and I don't know why that is. Depression? Social anxiety? Like I need to reach out to my good friend and get together with him because I haven't seen him in months and I think about him all the time and wonder how he's doing, but the actual act of picking up the phone and sending that text and arranging a dinner or something makes me feel like my bones are made of lead and I'm sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Yet, I know I will be exhilaratingly happy after I see him and wonder why I don't do it more often. My point is, it could be other people's broken brains getting in the way. Happy late birthday, Zyla, you are super cool and I miss your old Snoo avatar.
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Dec 7, 2019 18:14
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Zyla posted:cool im swinging back into depressive mode  a girl hasnt asked me out in over 3 years and some nights it reeeeally gets to me
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Dec 7, 2019 20:46
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nikosoft posted:If people don't get in touch it could be highly likely it has nothing to do with you. I love my friends but most of the time it's exhausting to even think about initiating conversation, and I don't know why that is. Depression? Social anxiety? Like I need to reach out to my good friend and get together with him because I haven't seen him in months and I think about him all the time and wonder how he's doing, but the actual act of picking up the phone and sending that text and arranging a dinner or something makes me feel like my bones are made of lead and I'm sinking to the bottom of the ocean. Yet, I know I will be exhilaratingly happy after I see him and wonder why I don't do it more often. My point is, it could be other people's broken brains getting in the way.
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Dec 7, 2019 22:20
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I actually got a ton of work done yesterday and now I'm crashed in bed having done like one lab all day
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Dec 7, 2019 23:52
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got any sevens posted:
gently caress yeah, relationship failure competition, I always win these! I haven't been in a relationship in 17 years. I was too neurotic and distrustful of others in my 20s to maintain any kind of relationship, and my failed attempts burned me so bad that I stopped trying. That was also when I started taking higher dosages of more potent medications, which killed my sex drive. Sometimes I fantasize about being in a relationship, but then I realize how irresponsible it would be for me to burden a person I care about with my hosed up hell brain. what do I win 
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Dec 8, 2019 23:47
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what's that thing where you know your hatred of your job is making you a worse worker, but you don't have the energy and motivation to change that, you think your coworkers are starting to resent you, and you almost wish you were fired just to escape?
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Dec 9, 2019 16:30
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Equeen posted:what's that thing where you know your hatred of your job is making you a worse worker, but you don't have the energy and motivation to change that, you think your coworkers are starting to resent you, and you almost wish you were fired just to escape? Capitalism? But really, I'll share some solidarity with you cause that's fairly similar to what happened to me. I personally have a lot of anxiety about rejection and generally "overstaying my welcome" which has cropped up in professional situations before. If you've got coworkers you trust, it might be worthwhile talking to them about it, or if you don't, seeing a therapist. Getting a different perspective with enough context to understand your situation should at least help.
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Dec 9, 2019 16:48
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I am seeing a therapist, and I did sign up for an adult art class to reignite the creative passion I had when I was younger. Unfortunately, the class won't start until late January, so the only thing that makes this job bearable is... idk, going home to play on my Nintendo Switch???
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Dec 9, 2019 16:53
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Apply for new jobs, don't stick around waiting to get fired, and above all else do not sit around waiting for motivation to strike. Discipline beats motivation every time, throw your fuckin video game system in the trash if that's what it takes, you can buy a new one with the money from your new job. Motivation is fickle and fleeting, discipline gets things done. Discipline got me to the gym 5 days a week for the last like 3 months or so, motivation never even got me through the door.
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Dec 9, 2019 17:00
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Equeen posted:what's that thing where you know your hatred of your job is making you a worse worker, but you don't have the energy and motivation to change that, you think your coworkers are starting to resent you, and you almost wish you were fired just to escape? It's called burnout, and it's time to get a new job if you can. It's very rare to come back from that state. I mean, it can be done, but I've never managed it. 
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Dec 9, 2019 18:44
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yeah, getting in that situation made me resign, and I only wish Id done it earlier. thankfully I had the savings to not worry too hard about what came next, but either way, sticking around will just make you miserable and youll be surprised how quickly things get way better when you leave.
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Dec 9, 2019 19:05
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I deeply suspect I actually loving hate the white-collar track my life has been on since the minute I popped out of the womb but also I have no idea if I would be happy working in the trades (gently caress, maybe carpentry?) and also also I have like one more year to get my poo poo together What the gently caress brain why did you wait until now to drop this poo poo on me
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Dec 9, 2019 19:33
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what happens in a year trades and arts own
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Dec 9, 2019 19:46
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cool dance moves posted:I deeply suspect I actually loving hate the white-collar track my life has been on since the minute I popped out of the womb but also I have no idea if I would be happy working in the trades (gently caress, maybe carpentry?) and also also I have like one more year to get my poo poo together  Also, it takes a while to figure out what you want. One of the most enlightening things I've heard was told to me offhand by a boss in this exchange:  I wish I could tell myself 20 years ago what I know now You wouldn't have listenedSometimes, you just need more seasoning to figure things out.
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Dec 9, 2019 20:31
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got any sevens posted:what happens in a year Joke answer: in a year bernie will win and then all this will be moot because I will be planting trees in the new civilian conservation corps  Real answer: I went to college (bachelors and MA  ) in NYC, far away from my hometown. I met someone special there. We were dating for a couple of years by the time I gave up and moved away to live with my parents for a bit while I figure things out. I still visit whenever I can, but shes been waiting for a while now for me to come back permanently. We had a talk a few months ago. We decided that we would give it one more year, and if I still havent found my way back we would need to seriously talk about breaking up. I dont blame her. Shes waited long enough. Shes been very supportive. But life needs to go on. Shes already building her own life, Im still in the process, and I dont want to lose her. So I need to get cracking, even while my brain does its best to make me stumble.Chokes McGee posted:
I agree. I think I'm a better person now than I ever was, but I'm also eager to move on with my life. The problem is I dont have a positive direction (ie I dont know what I want to do, I only know what I dont want to do) for my life, so I'm sort of adrift. Frankly, I think I'd be pretty happy digging holes and filling them back up for 8 hours as long as I got enough to cover food and rent.
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Dec 9, 2019 21:08
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cool dance moves posted:I deeply suspect I actually loving hate the white-collar track my life has been on since the minute I popped out of the womb but also I have no idea if I would be happy working in the trades (gently caress, maybe carpentry?) and also also I have like one more year to get my poo poo together There is something satisfying about having a tangible product at the end of the day, week, or job. I did demolition work for a bit until my body broke, but it was mostly humping poo poo to the dumpster rather than taking s sledgehammer to poo poo, but I slept like a baby every night. Now my tangible product is printed media, which is asinine lmao Nobody ever figures it out. Well, my wife did, but she didnt know what she wanted to do until she was nearly 30. Five years later, she's still looking at another 3-5 years of school so she wont be in her "career" til she's 40. Her mom went to nursing school herself at around 45 years of age and graduated with a 4.0 which is goddamn hard to do in a nursing program. My mom went from a housewife of 20 years to making goddamn vaccines after a certificate course also in her 40s. It isnt too late to figure it out. At least that's what I tell myself as 40 is no longer an abstract age and becomes a likelihood lol
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Dec 9, 2019 21:57
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Chokes McGee posted:It's called burnout, and it's time to get a new job if you can. this happened to me and I'm currently trying to get out 
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Dec 9, 2019 22:04
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being the biggest loser you know really sucks
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Dec 10, 2019 00:00
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mekyabetsu posted:being the biggest loser you know really sucks In the words of our friend bernie, https://twitter.com/BernieSanders/status/1204185205080297473?s=20 hang in there mekyabetsu
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Dec 10, 2019 00:48
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there's a perverse comfort in knowing that in the saddest dead gay message boards, the dirtiest basement 12 step meetings, and the most ignored corners of every Thanskgiving dinner table, you are still just a little bit more sad than the worst person in the room.
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Dec 10, 2019 01:04
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cool dance moves posted:Joke answer: in a year bernie will win and then all this will be moot because I will be planting trees in the new civilian conservation corps she likes you because of you, not what job you have. so get a job where you can be u
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Dec 10, 2019 01:25
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Came into work to see my schedule changed from 4 nights a week to 2 So gotta find a 3rd job now
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Dec 10, 2019 06:20
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I walked outside to get a breath of air and the only thing I could do was say out loud that I want to loving die There wasn't anyone else around to hear it
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Dec 10, 2019 06:21
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Just found out my 3 month review is based on data that doesn't record properly. I'm sure that will go well. Edit: aaand now I can't sleep again. Having my boss tell me that my job depends on a review that is based on metrics that have already not recorded properly = anxiety spiral = actual worse performance/metrics. Basically my entire first three months show that I'm a bad employee because his poo poo doesn't work. He said he has to delay my review because "right now your performance doesn't look great." gently caress off, that's your fault. I hate stats nerds. Also having some sticker shock because my wife and I changed our Christmas vacation plans from nearby Sydney to distant Perth since the entire eastern half of the country is on fire. Going from $500 plane tickets to $3100 makes me wanna barf, especially since my job situation is now unstable. UnfortunateSexFart has issued a correction as of 15:51 on Dec 10, 2019 |
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Dec 10, 2019 07:26
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I'm gonna resign from job next month. I'll talk this over with my therapist, but everyday the desire to leave this soul-sucking job grows. The issues I need deal with are not having another job lined up, and my parents (I live with them) trying to convince me to not resign. But I'm trying to get into the habit of sending applications everyday, so hopefully I get something soon.
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Dec 10, 2019 15:22
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In case anyone's wondering, the tech market is crashing in slow motion. The major tech cities are starting to throw bootcamp/grads at problems like a meat grinder or just pay offshore guys for it. I'm losing my contract because management doesn't want to shell out for non-overseas and the same four jobs that no one apparently want keep turning up on with recruiters. On top of that, all the new jobs getting posted is tech stuff I don't have on my resume, which means I can't get a job doing it, which means I can't put it on my resume.  I'm really starting to get freaked out by all this. I need to have a job by the end of January or I'm hosed with a capital F.
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Dec 11, 2019 06:43
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It's also worth noting that any expertise you have in IT or tech-related jobs marks you as a "tech bro" or "brogammer," and no matter how left-leaning you happen to be, you will always be the enemy to the "true" left. You will never be adequately left-wing. You will always be the enemy. Pitch a tent on a relatively ignored plot of forest in the middle of nowhere, because nobody is on your side. Leftists and liberals will try to make you believe that they have your best interests in mind, right up until they decide that you knowing C++ means you're not ideologically pure. Humanity deserves death.
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Dec 11, 2019 07:01
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mekyabetsu posted:It's also worth noting that any expertise you have in IT or tech-related jobs marks you as a "tech bro" or "brogammer," and no matter how left-leaning you happen to be, you will always be the enemy to the "true" left. You will never be adequately left-wing. You will always be the enemy. Pitch a tent on a relatively ignored plot of forest in the middle of nowhere, because nobody is on your side. Leftists and liberals will try to make you believe that they have your best interests in mind, right up until they decide that you knowing C++ means you're not ideologically pure. I just want a job somewhere I can hash out my place in line at the guillotine after that
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Dec 11, 2019 07:34
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broke: tech workers are inherently bourgeois woke: tech workers are workers bespoke: our guillotine is part of the Internet of Things
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Dec 11, 2019 07:41
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Chokes McGee posted:
I worked in finance and have hit a lot of these same hurdles. My job was a weird half manager half analyst thing so my resume is super broad but it doesn't fit well into the job market. I've been trying to sidestep into like an entry level state job or something while letting contract folk handle private sector stuff. I'm always worried about that recession finally hitting and just trashing white collar job markets. It'll be a hell of a ride once it's in full swing, cause these morons in charge have mishandled things so dramatically, even without climate death.
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Dec 11, 2019 14:05
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Chokes McGee posted:In case anyone's wondering, the tech market is crashing in slow motion. The major tech cities are starting to throw bootcamp/grads at problems like a meat grinder or just pay offshore guys for it. I'm losing my contract because management doesn't want to shell out for non-overseas and the same four jobs that no one apparently want keep turning up on with recruiters. I graduate in a year and am hoping that automation is sufficiently different from software 
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Dec 11, 2019 14:49
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