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this was actually one of my favorite parts of the movie bridesmaids. movie's great for lots of reasons, but something that really stood out to me was that it's one of the only times I can ever recall seeing film or TV portray the aftermath of the failure of someone's undercapitalized twee brick and mortar foodservice dream. which is weird, because that's a super common thing for people to have experienced. millions could relate, either from having something similar happen to them, or having worked at a doomed place helmed by someone in way over their head, or knowing someone who had done either. And yet, if therems been any other portrayal of a character moving on in the aftermath of their cutesy entrepreneurial dream blowing up in their face, i haven't seen it. it's some dark angsty poo poo but it's very, very real
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Dec 15, 2019 06:17
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Shamino posted:I am dead serious I'll post pics of location #1 and possibly location #2 if location #1 falls through on Monday. OP I have 20 years of leadership in food and hospitality and you're so wrong
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Dec 15, 2019 07:12
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I know this is a skit and that's all probably scripted, but boy does it nail the kind of coffee snobs you're gonna get. I saw more than one smug prick get handed a perfectly good cup of espresso, made by an Italian barista, with imported Italian beans, on an imported Italian machine, and they'd take one sip, frown slightly, and say, "It's okay. You see... I've been to Italy."
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Dec 15, 2019 07:23
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Gourmet Peanut Butter and Jelly food truck.
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Dec 15, 2019 07:37
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:I know this is a skit and that's all probably scripted, but boy does it nail the kind of coffee snobs you're gonna get. lol look at this dweeb who's never been to italy 
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Dec 15, 2019 10:03
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Associate Christ
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open a micropub op. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micropub all you need is a some scrounged together furniture, a makeshift bar and some beer. the clientele don't care as long as the seats are good enough they can sit and moan about larger drinkers in comfort. probably could set one up with $5000 if you get lucky with furniture.
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Dec 15, 2019 10:31
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stinch posted:open a micropub op. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micropub There’s barely a difference between the coffee snob slinging $1.50 drinks and the beer snob slinging $7.00 drinks. This guy is onto something.
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Dec 15, 2019 10:40
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honestly if i had a 20k nest egg and was feeling entrepreneurial i'd start discreetly advertising as a bar service for pop-ups and underground parties, but that'd be because 1) i have experience running bars and 2) it would dodge all the construction and licensing and leasing horseshit that comes with running a brick and mortar. it'd be illegal, but most alcohol enforcement in this country is so insanely corrupt that 10-20% off the top, put in the right hands, and you'd rarely if ever be busted
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Dec 15, 2019 10:45
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part of me hopes op goes through with this half baked get-poor-quick scheme to see the fallout but the other part makes me worried that a fellow goon is going to end up homeless within like 3 months and we're all going to watch helplessly from a distance
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Dec 15, 2019 11:21
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A coffee shop that turns into a lowkey speakeasy after hours is the best idea for a business in the “bad” side of town
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Dec 15, 2019 11:23
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So we're just going to ignore the coffee shop staffed by half-naked hunks making GBS threads coffee beans idea?
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Dec 15, 2019 11:31
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gently caress it someone start the gofundme and I'll kick the first Christmas savings toward the OP. Anyone got a vent hood and rims for a mid 2000s Chevy Silverado laying around?
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Dec 15, 2019 11:38
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You could just get a job
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Dec 15, 2019 11:39
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Sunswipe posted:So we're just going to ignore the coffee shop staffed by half-naked hunks making GBS threads coffee beans idea? Ballristas
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Dec 15, 2019 11:42
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A CRAB IRL posted:You could just get a job Alright now listen here,
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Dec 15, 2019 12:25
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Sunswipe posted:So we're just going to ignore the coffee shop staffed by half-naked hunks making GBS threads coffee beans idea? I don't know if I understand what you're talking about, could you provide pictures and/or video? lots and lots of them, the more the merrier
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Dec 15, 2019 12:29
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A CRAB IRL posted:You could just get a job A blowjob. As has been suggested selling instead of dumb coffee.
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Dec 15, 2019 12:30
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You’d be much better off on a coffee cart or some kind of mobile operation. The difference in opening and running costs is unimaginably huge: for starters, you could actually get something basic up and running for $20k. Yes, you’ll do most of the work yourself, and yes, you will make less money than you would if you had a real job, but on the positive side, being your own boss and never taking poo poo from anyone feels like adding a zero to the end of your last salary check. Source: I’ve been running my own coffee cart for over 15 years in a very expensive city. The last time I costed out opening a cafe that would make money near where I live, the figure came in around $80k. Rent on that place was only $16k per year, and I know just as many ‘friends prices’ plumbers and electricians as you do. You aren’t talking enough about food to seriously consider opening a place, either. The name of the game is ‘average spend’ in a brick and mortar operation, and anything legal you can do to separate people from their money should be in your game plan. As previously mentioned you need someone to clean up foul toilets. You need really good wifi. You need air conditioning. If you have anything nice, like pictures on the wall, or good spoons or sugar bowls, people will absolutely steal it in a heartbeat, so you need to replace them. All this costs money that 25 units an hour won’t cover. Also, you need to be good. Your coffee needs to be great all the time, from the first second you open, same with the food you sell. Look at it this way: you can buy ‘poo poo’ anywhere. ‘poo poo’ is the default option in 90% of everything (see Sturgeon’s Law). That’s not a problem if you’re in a tourist trap, or a place with a captive audience, but on a side street or off the main drag, you need something to get people motivated to seek you out, to take the extra time and effort to find your place and make it part of their day.
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Dec 15, 2019 13:08
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Have you considered starting an internet forum and charging people to post there
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Dec 15, 2019 13:09
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klafbang posted:A blowjob. As has been suggested selling instead of dumb coffee. Oh I thought coffee was codeword for blowjob all along. That's the only way this could work, OP.
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Dec 15, 2019 13:56
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other people posted:lol look at this dweeb who's never been to italy Ah, but you see, that Italian barista... was ME!!  (not really, but you don't know that  )
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Dec 15, 2019 13:59
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stinch posted:open a micropub op. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Micropub Just lol if you think you can build out even a 1 barrel brewery for $20k.
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Dec 15, 2019 14:51
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Just lol if you think you can build out even a 1 barrel brewery for $20k. Don't recall them saying anything about brewing their own beer lol
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Dec 15, 2019 15:02
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:Don't recall them saying anything about brewing their own beer lol Bleh poo poo. You're right. I thought it meant brew pub.
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Dec 15, 2019 15:04
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mobby_6kl posted:Oh I thought coffee was codeword for blowjob all along. That's the only way this could work, OP. 25 an hour would be really impressive if that’s the case.
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Dec 15, 2019 15:05
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:Bleh poo poo. You're right. I thought it meant brew pub. Also lol I brewed professionally you could definitely set up a 2 barrel system for under 20 k
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Dec 15, 2019 15:06
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:Also lol I brewed professionally you could definitely set up a 2 barrel system for under 20 k I suppose you could. I guess I was thinking the build out (drainage, etc. would have that be more). I brew professionally but haven't done anything for setup. Always more to learn.
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Dec 15, 2019 15:08
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:I suppose you could. I guess I was thinking the build out (drainage, etc. would have that be more). I brew professionally but haven't done anything for setup. Always more to learn. Haha that’s awesome, and your right I’m just assuming he has the right space for it and that poo poo closts a lot. But a few 1 barrel systems are definitely doable on a budget
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Dec 15, 2019 15:11
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:Haha that’s awesome, and your right I’m just assuming he has the right space for it and that poo poo closts a lot. But a few 1 barrel systems are definitely doable on a budget What's important is that we focus on the dream: Hot Coffee Studz
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Dec 15, 2019 15:13
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Just collect a bunch of giant 5 gallon pickle buckets from local restaurants and bungee cord those suckers shut. Boom brewery
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Dec 15, 2019 15:13
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SweetWillyRollbar posted:What's important is that we focus on the dream: Hot Coffee Studz Your right I have not been thinking enough about burly but considerate hunks serving me coffee, asking me if everything is to my liking, holding me in their strong arms, gently clearing my table, shooting coffee beans out of their assholes directly into my mouth, sweeping the floor but not making it seem like they want me to get up or leave you know stuff like that
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Dec 15, 2019 15:18
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edit: I am a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
blatman fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Dec 15, 2019 |
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Dec 15, 2019 15:22
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HugeGrossBurrito posted:Your right I have not been thinking enough about burly but considerate hunks serving me coffee, asking me if everything is to my liking, holding me in their strong arms, gently clearing my table, shooting coffee beans out of their assholes directly into my mouth, sweeping the floor but not making it seem like they want me to get up or leave you know stuff like that I'm there
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Dec 15, 2019 15:25
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Telling people to commit suicide is bannable Sandwich Anarchist fucked around with this message at 16:06 on Dec 15, 2019 |
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Dec 15, 2019 15:38
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So, 25 handjobs per hour at $10 a pop 5am to 2pm, that's 9 * 25 * 10 = $2250 You'll make your money back in less than 9 days Now you can hire staff. A good tug artist gets what, $20 per hour? They'll make you (9 * 25 * 10) - (9 * 20) = $2070 a day* A smallish cafe-like property can probably be divided into six wank cubicles with some cardboard, so 2250 + (2070 * 5) = $12600 per day with a full staff Millionaire in 80 days. Not too shabby. *assuming Texas doesn't require you to give your employees benefits or breaks or other communist poo poo
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Dec 15, 2019 15:39
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:Telling people to commit suicide is bannable I didn't know benzos and liquor could kill you, I should have died a few times by now, let me just edit that post out can you also edit your quote? edit: hoply poo poo I just googled this I could have wound up in a loving coma blatman fucked around with this message at 15:53 on Dec 15, 2019 |
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Dec 15, 2019 15:50
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Icochet posted:Now you can hire staff. A good tug artist gets what, $20 per hour? They'll make you (9 * 25 * 10) - (9 * 20) = $2070 a day* If these are the same handsome blokes digesting coffee beans for your establishment, then they deserve to be compensated accordingly with a cut of the coffee profits as well.
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Dec 15, 2019 15:55
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:If these are the same handsome blokes digesting coffee beans for your establishment, then they deserve to be compensated accordingly with a cut of the coffee profits as well. I tried to combine the handjob and poop coffee business models but I suck at Excel and couldn't get it to work.
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Dec 15, 2019 16:02
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Icochet posted:I tried to combine the handjob and poop coffee business models but I suck at Excel macros and couldn't get it to work. I'm sure OP can figure out the logistics. The important thing is that they have a good concept with a catchy name for it. Like, say, Mug and Tug.
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Dec 15, 2019 16:04
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At the very least make sure that you license your fine goone establishment as a corporation so you are not on the hook for everything when you inevitably declare bankruptcy. It's like sovereign citizen bullshit but it works
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Dec 15, 2019 16:46
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