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Cythereal posted:This thread's about the trainwrecks, not the trains that work well. I get that! But all the other archetypes out there have their Pete's and success stories. The abused adult children ditching their family. The mistreated girlfriend dumping her boyfriend. The man at the airport having the tourist dragged away by the TSA. Where's the short guy being cruelly treated by the people in his life responding to it with confidence and grace?
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Dec 24, 2019 17:16
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Hughlander posted:The OP: jesus gently caress.
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Dec 24, 2019 17:17
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I work with a guy that's 5'11" and yet wears these giant boots with lifts in them so he can pretend to be 6'2".
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Dec 24, 2019 17:17
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Fatkraken posted:From what I can see he has No income, she pays for EVERYTHING. Food, rent, smokes, his loving studio time! But getting a job is irrational because scrounging off her is just so much more efficient. Man that post was superdeleted can't find it on google on unreddit or any of the normal sources.
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Dec 24, 2019 17:18
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Cythereal posted:My boss's boss was very confused at my exit interview when I said that they weren't paying me enough to keep up with my rent's increases from year to year and that since I was going to have to move this year anyhow because my current apartment is not going to be affordable at the stated rate for the next year, I might as well look for a job that offers better pay and professional mobility. The business version of "but my girlfriend cleans my house and cooks my chicken nuggets and buys me video games and drives me around and does sexual favors for me, what does she mean she's breaking up with me??  " relationship posts.
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Dec 24, 2019 17:19
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Pope Corky the IX posted:I work with a guy that's 5'11" and yet wears these giant boots with lifts in them so he can pretend to be 6'2". I'm 6'2" but I really think if I was short it wouldn't bother me. I know there are some women who insist on having boyfriends taller than them and that's fair enough, but my theory has always been that's why tall women end up with short boyfriends, because the women struggle to find taller guys and aren't bothered, and the men struggle to find women who don't mind their height. That all being said there's definitely some plus sides to having a girlfriend who is a foot taller than you in my opinion. Legs for days!
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Dec 24, 2019 18:00
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Kitchner posted:I'm 6'2" but I really think if I was short it wouldn't bother me. I'm 5'9" and have dated only taller dudes. Not because of any preference on my part - just because too many men feel utterly emasculated by a taller woman. Its ridiculous.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:10
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Hughlander posted:The OP: God loving drat. That poor girl  I hope they can mend their relationship one day (Father and Daughter)
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Dec 24, 2019 18:33
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SalTheBard posted:God loving drat. That poor girl I don't. That dude got told the truth over and over and over again and apparently he believed his kid was making it all up? Even when she was a grown, moved-out adult, for some reason was still persisting in the same "lie" that his wife was abusing her? Why would she do that? This dude chose not to see. I don't believe for a second that nothing ever happened in front of him. That there were never any witnesses whatsoever who corroborated his daughter's story. That his kid told the truth about things and why would she make this up, particularly where it is obviously causing so much trouble? No. His kid was right to cut him off. He made his choice when he heard his daughter swear it was happening and refused to believe her. Even now it's not that he believes his kid, he now only thinks it happened because his wife admitted it. The daughter sticks to the same story for decades, he ignores it. His wife grudgingly admits it and now his world is shaken. I hope this dude never sees his daughter or grandchild again. If you don't try and protect someone who says they are being hurt, you don't actually love them.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:45
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Uncle Enzo posted:I don't. That dude got told the truth over and over and over again and apparently he believed his kid was making it all up? Even when she was a grown, moved-out adult, for some reason was still persisting in the same "lie" that his wife was abusing her? Why would she do that? Maybe, but I don't think so. If he had seen it in front of him why would he go instantly to divorce at the confession vs "We can work through this to bury it same as always." You don't go from 0 to divorce after 30 years unless your world was shaken.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:49
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Uncle Enzo posted:I don't. That dude got told the truth over and over and over again and apparently he believed his kid was making it all up? Even when she was a grown, moved-out adult, for some reason was still persisting in the same "lie" that his wife was abusing her? Why would she do that? Yeah, once or twice and I could see keeping the blinders on, but her entire childhood and 10+ years of adulthood? Gimme a break.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:49
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Hughlander posted:Maybe, but I don't think so. If he had seen it in front of him why would he go instantly to divorce at the confession vs "We can work through this to bury it same as always." You don't go from 0 to divorce after 30 years unless your world was shaken. He does say that his son would always back up his mother, and the therapist he originally sent her to said she was lying. I'm not saying he's dad of the year but he was getting lied at from at least three angles.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:54
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Hughlander posted:Maybe, but I don't think so. If he had seen it in front of him why would he go instantly to divorce at the confession vs "We can work through this to bury it same as always." You don't go from 0 to divorce after 30 years unless your world was shaken. His world was shaken, but this wasn't new information to him. He wasn't told anything he hadn't already heard. Like, what did he tell her over the years? "Why are you crying?" "Mom called me fat and useless" "Stop lying kid, of course she would never say that. I didn't see it, therefore it didn't happen". I'm not saying his pain isn't real. I'm saying he deserves it.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:56
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Uncle Enzo posted:I don't. That dude got told the truth over and over and over again and apparently he believed his kid was making it all up? Even when she was a grown, moved-out adult, for some reason was still persisting in the same "lie" that his wife was abusing her? Why would she do that? If it was just the 3 of them I'd be 100% with you but I do feel bad for him having to deal with his son and therapist choosing to consistently back up the wife's account.
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Dec 24, 2019 18:59
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I'm not very up with imperial measurements but I thought 5'8" was about average? Reminded of Jon Pop where his stated height was literally the average for african-american males. I get the feeling that with short dudes either they accept it early on and don't give a poo poo for the rest of their lives or develop a proto-incel complex that's as self-defeating as one might expect.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:00
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Uncle Enzo, I totally understand your point of view. I'm looking at it from this angle though, that for this dudes entire life he's believed that she was making it up. When you have 2 people in lockstep telling you the same thing along with a therapist also backing them up, it would be loving hard to go against that.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:02
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Uncle Enzo posted:His world was shaken, but this wasn't new information to him. He wasn't told anything he hadn't already heard. Like, what did he tell her over the years? "Why are you crying?" "Mom called me fat and useless" "Stop lying kid, of course she would never say that. I didn't see it, therefore it didn't happen". He was a victim of gaslighting. Everyone in his life that was a witness or aware consistently backed up the wife and insisted the daughter was a lying trouble maker. How do you "pick sides" when multiple people you love and implicitly trust are insisting this one other person you love is a chronic liar? When the "professional" obviously led on by the wife gives the same answer to the husband? Its a terrible situation for both the father and daughter. They are both victims of a sociopath who manipulates and abuses those who trust her for selfish purposes. The son can die in a fire too. The only thing he can do now is attempt to get a message to the daughter that the truth came out and he is immediately divorcing his wife. Drastic sudden actions go a long way to proving sincerity when causing personal upheavals.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:08
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Yea, the father should have done more to protect the daughter, but I don’t think he is totally at fault in this situation. Like, I understand if the daughter never wants to reconnect with him, but I also don’t think he deserves to burn for it either. That mom and son though, god drat; fire them into the sun.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:27
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Whether he was right or wrong to believe one story over another is its own discussion. I think, however, there's a fundamental question of love and competence when the "problem" of his daughter "lying and freaking out" recurs multiple times and the dad never digs into it. It's like he just said to himself "oh yeah, violent and a liar sounds like the daughter I raised, no need to look any harder at this.". The real parenting failure here is his utter lack of empathy by not approaching his daughter after the crying was over to get her side of the story, to compare notes and versions with her abusers, and to assume his child was some kind of irredeemable villain without any evidence other than his wife and son's say-so. People make bad decisions on deceptive info all the time and it doesn't make them bad people necessarily. But this was going on for so long, and has had such profound consequences, that his negligence as a father puts the blame squarely back on his shoulders no matter how convincing his wife was.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:35
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Uncle Enzo posted:I don't. That dude got told the truth over and over and over again and apparently he believed his kid was making it all up? Even when she was a grown, moved-out adult, for some reason was still persisting in the same "lie" that his wife was abusing her? Why would she do that? That's all. I don't expect any contact to be re-opened, it's just really rare that parents like that will ever acknowledge they're wrong, apologize sincerely, and then respect boundaries. It's up to her what those boundaries are.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:36
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1redflag posted:Yea, the father should have done more to protect the daughter, but I don’t think he is totally at fault in this situation. Like, I understand if the daughter never wants to reconnect with him, but I also don’t think he deserves to burn for it either. That mom and son though, god drat; fire them into the sun.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:38
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Hughlander posted:Maybe, but I don't think so. If he had seen it in front of him why would he go instantly to divorce at the confession vs "We can work through this to bury it same as always." You don't go from 0 to divorce after 30 years unless your world was shaken. That's all consistent with what that other poster wrote. He started going to therapy after his daughter severed contact; he chose to believe that she did this for apparently no reason, ignoring 30 years of abuse accusations. People make up little fictions to cover for family member abuse all the time, it's self-delusional. He even acknowledged that he saw the verbal abuse, but still isn't able to identify it as abuse ("oh she is just too hard on the children sometimes").
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Dec 24, 2019 19:38
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The Bramble posted:Whether he was right or wrong to believe one story over another is its own discussion. I think, however, there's a fundamental question of love and competence when the "problem" of his daughter "lying and freaking out" recurs multiple times and the dad never digs into it. It's like he just said to himself "oh yeah, violent and a liar sounds like the daughter I raised, no need to look any harder at this.". The real parenting failure here is his utter lack of empathy by not approaching his daughter after the crying was over to get her side of the story, to compare notes and versions with her abusers, and to assume his child was some kind of irredeemable villain without any evidence other than his wife and son's say-so. People make bad decisions on deceptive info all the time and it doesn't make them bad people necessarily. But this was going on for so long, and has had such profound consequences, that his negligence as a father puts the blame squarely back on his shoulders no matter how convincing his wife was. Never digs into it... Like maybe ask the other sibling? Ask his wife? Send the whole family to Therapy where the therapist says the daughter is making it up for attention? Man too bad he didn't do any of those things.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:38
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QuarkJets posted:That's all consistent with what that other poster wrote. He started going to therapy after his daughter severed contact; he chose to believe that she did this for apparently no reason, ignoring 30 years of abuse accusations. People make up little fictions to cover for family member abuse all the time, it's self-delusional. He even acknowledged that he saw the verbal abuse, but still isn't able to identify it as abuse ("oh she is just too hard on the children sometimes").
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Dec 24, 2019 19:41
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AITA for getting mad at my mom for continuously forgetting about my gf's allergy? Hi everyone. My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years now and have spent a bunch of get togethers with my family in that time. From the beginning, I told my parents that my girlfriend has a serious pork allergy. Whenever a family occasion comes up that involves them cooking, I always remind them about the allergy because they always seem to forget (and my family seems to eat a lot of pork, go figure). Last year at Christmas, my mom cooked the turkey with bacon layered on the top of it despite knowing about my girlfriend's allergy, and my girlfriend couldn't eat it. So, since the holidays are coming up I reminded my mom a few weeks ago about the allergy. Today at lunch I was talking to my mom and brought up Christmas Day. She then says, "I'm cooking the turkey with bacon on top". I just looked at her and said "If you do that, (insert girlfriend's name) won't be able to eat it like last year". Then she got all upset and says "Fine, I just won't cook it with bacon like I had planned then" and I said, "You don't have to do a whole separate plan" and she got pissed off and said "Good I won't." She then asked if my girlfriend can eat ham and I just looked at her incredulously and reminded her that no, she can't, because ham is also pork. She just huffed at that and walked away from the table and didn't sit down again. I feel hurt because I feel like there's an inconsiderate aspect to this by both of my parents not keeping in mind my girlfriend's allergy and me having to continually remind them. I'm mad because if I hadn't said anything today, the turkey would have again been cooked with bacon on it and my girlfriend wouldn't have been able to eat it, which I personally would find upsetting if I were in her shoes and it happened for a second year in a row. I know this isn't a huge deal in the grand scheme of life, but AITA for getting mad at them about this?
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Dec 24, 2019 19:43
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The dad straight up says he "wasn't the greatest dad" and that he wasn't around much because he chose to "drown" himself in his work instead (perhaps on purpose...?). I have a very hard time believing he honestly had no doubts for himself about the situation, although it's possible if he wasn't even there much in the first place. That just makes him a lovely dad for a different reason though.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:44
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Merry Christmas at you from glorious Khazakstan! I (25m) got gift from girl (24) I'm dating that is completely missed quote:I'm dating a girl for 3 months now. We are sleeping together, she met my parents.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:47
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting mad at my mom for continuously forgetting about my gf's allergy? Mom is definitely doing this on purpose cause she doesn’t like the GF for whatever reason.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:50
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I think you folks might be putting too much faith in the dad's account that he had no idea this was happening. I simply don't believe that over her entire life he never saw anything. He covered for her. Just because it didn't happen in front of him didn't mean he didn't have clues it was happening. Clue #1 his daughter loving told him. Like, did he work to get his daughter the help she would have needed if she really was a pathological liar? Or if not, why would she lie about only this one thing? Or did he just be "I don't know what you're talking about and they say otherwise, you must be lying". The dad did choose a side. He chose his wife's side. Every time. For years. When he decided his only daughter was lying and his wife was telling the truth, he picked his side. "Oh she says she's being abused, but that's not what my wife says. IDK I guess". Bullshit. It was his responsibility to get to the bottom of it and he stopped digging. If he'd kept trying he would've gotten the proof he needed. An overheard conversation. A voicemail. A forwarded email. A hidden recording. A witness. Not even when his daughter was grown did he believe her. Not when she cut him off. Not when he missed her wedding. Nothing made this man listen to his own flesh and blood. Like, if he really had no idea it was happening, why does he suddenly believe his wife? Wouldn't he be like "what are you talking about, I know for a fact you didn't". He was turning a blind eye and only when that was no longer possible did he change his mind.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:51
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AITA For deciding to finalize my divorce over my husband publicly embarrassing me? My husband (23) asked for a divorce about two months ago and I (23) moved out. We just weren’t getting along and we fought a lot. He ended up screaming at me so much one night that he just told me that it was over and time for me to move out so I did about a week later. (If you’re wondering why we fought a lot, mostly just stress related issues. He started his new business and I’m coming out of a bad wreck where I broke my back and had stomach surgery. He’s stressed with the business and well, I’m in pain a lot so parenting the kids, working, household chores - etc it’s just been hard on me so I snap more). But we’ve been trying to make it work. We didn’t get the separation papers yet because we thought we could at least give the relationship some space (since no cheating was involved) and see each other a few times a week and see if things would get better. Fast forward to today, I wanted to give him his Christmas gift early since the kids and I are spending Christmas with my parents. His gift was a pair of $50 jeans for work, 3 pairs of socks, and dinner at a sushi place. Please keep in mind, he has a business and comes from money. I don’t. Since the kids aren’t his biologically, I’m taking care of all their expenses & it’s definitely difficult for me. The money I spent on him was the last of my “spending money” and I did it out of love. But he cussed me out again today. We had a minor fight in the car. Worked through it and went to dinner. Then we had to go to the store to buy pies to give to my mom tomorrow. He offered to buy the groceries which was nice. We were in the self check out and I was wrestling with the kids while he was paying for the food. I told him I had lost my Chapstick so I asked him if he would buy one. Just to be a jerk he said no, and I said that I hadnt brought my wallet in with me & if he could just pay for it. It was a dollar. He just kept fighting me on it because he likes to be confrontational for fun and in exasperation, I threw the Chapstick in one of the bags in the checkout area because I was exasperated with the kids and wasnt thinking clearly. He noticed I made a mistake. We started to leave and he turned around and YELLS in front of everyone “OH MY GOSH MY WIFE IS STEALING! YOU CANT DO THAT. THAT’S WRONG!!!” I’m shocked and embarrassed as everyone is looking at me, including the asset protection people they have at the front of the store. I am literally begging him to buy me the Chapstick now and while everyone is staring at me, he tells me that if I can’t afford a $1 Chapstick, that he’s just gonna put it back. I tell him it’s not that, I just don’t have my wallet because he told me he was buying the groceries. So he proceeds to put it back and everyone is still looking at me. I cried on the way home and told him that I no longer wanted any contact with him. He thinks I’m being unreasonable because he was just “having fun.” Am I the rear end in a top hat for cutting everything off? Or should I keep trying for my marriage? Edit: wasn’t intentionally stealing chapstick, I was having trouble with the kids and threw it in the bag not thinking about it. Kids fussing in your ear will make you do things you’re not aware of just because your head is all over the place. Edit: kids are not biologically his, but he has raised them since they were babies. He claims them as his own, we have full custody. He loves us as a family very much but he does really rude things. Edit: He offered to buy whatever I needed in the store as a “kind gesture for Christmas” and watched me leave my wallet in the car. I even told him I did. Wasn’t trying to force him to buy it ( bought it later at a different store) but I was exasperated because he only said no just to mess with me. If he’d just given me 2 seconds, I would’ve realized I made a mistake and put it back. He didn’t even give me time to breathe or think before just SCREAMING in front of the entire store. Edit: he tells me he KNOWS it was funny and just a joke because he “saw other people laughing” which didn’t make me feel better Edit: he was mad that I got upset over “a joke” so he threw his Christmas gift at me and out into the street when I got out of the car and into my car.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:52
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA For deciding to finalize my divorce over my husband publicly embarrassing me? This dude gave you an out, take it.
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Dec 24, 2019 19:56
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pentyne posted:Everyone in his life that was a witness or aware consistently backed up the wife and insisted the daughter was a lying trouble maker. Probably not, though. He only mentions the three people who said that his daughter was lying, that doesn't mean that no one was able to support the daughter's accusations. It's much more likely that, at the time, people who didn't support his wife's version of events simply got dismissed. Dropping important details to support their victim complex is a standard estranged parent move, and the OP's posts are full of these kinds of red flags. Dad probably isn't even aware that he's doing it, just as he wasn't able to acknowledge that his wife's verbal abuse was abuse (and seemingly still isn't, if you pay attention to his usage of tense)
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Dec 24, 2019 19:58
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Oh cool, I think that lady only needs to be humiliated or treated cruelly another dozen times before she's ready to actually leave her rear end in a top hat husband. That's progress!
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Dec 24, 2019 20:01
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PetraCore posted:Hell he acknowledges that he screamed at her when she was begging for help. I think he's entirely right that he got caught in a hosed-up trap of 'majority rules', and it's good that he now sees that for what it is. If he's not minimizing his involvement I don't think other people should do so on his behalf. lol yeah, he's presenting a narrative of being oblivious but details like this are an admission that he was participating in the abuse.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:03
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Dienes posted:I'm 5'9" and have dated only taller dudes. Not because of any preference on my part - just because too many men feel utterly emasculated by a taller woman. Its ridiculous.  I'm 5'9" and my current boyfriend is 5'6". At first it really bothered him when I wore heels because he hated the fact that I was taller than him. I ended up just telling him that I was taller than him even when barefoot, so why stress out about it. And if he couldn't deal with something I have literally no control over, we should just brake up. He ended up sulking for a day or two, but now he's basically fine with it. If I wear unusually tall heels or remind him that he's shorter than me (he forgets his height all the time and has to ask me) he gets a little miffed for a minute or two, but he gets over it pretty quickly. It is unreal how many guys I dated that just could not handle being an inch or two shorter than me. They were just continual balls of resentment until I had to break up with them.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:08
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I've always wanted to gently caress someone taller than me.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:14
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I actually did have a fairly lovely looking strip club in Ohio recommended to me as the best lunch buffet in town. So... yeah, that’s a thing apparently. Dewgy fucked around with this message at 20:18 on Dec 24, 2019 |
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Dec 24, 2019 20:16
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Soysaucebeast posted:
Resentment is stored in the balls.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:20
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Soysaucebeast posted:remind him that he's shorter than me (he forgets his height all the time and has to ask me) Maybe it's a fetish.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:23
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Dewgy posted:I actually did have a fairly lovely looking strip club in Ohio recommended to me as the best lunch buffet in town. So... yeah, that’s a thing apparently. I am like Ron Swanson and will go to any strip club that has an all you can eat breakfast food buffet.
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Dec 24, 2019 20:24
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